It’s amazing how nearly a quarter of a year could be summarized in only a few thousand words, but I suppose that’s par for the course when you avoid social interactions like the plague. I tried to feel comfortable around the campers and my additional co-workers who were interning for the season, but there were always moments where I would be reminded of how different I am to them. I earned a reputation as being a loner, something that attracted a few lustful eyes every now and again.
Unwanted advances from a number of mares drew me deeper into my self-isolation, to the point where it didn’t become too uncommon for me to say less than a few sentences each day. Timber had mentioned that I should try finding a herd, or at least a marefriend, but all of his suggestions flew by my ears as I busied myself with work. Maybe my seclusion was why none of the ponies ever noticed my longer periods of absence. If it weren’t for the fact that I would clock in and out of work and keep a record of what I did, then I imagine I would have lost that job. In my abnormal life, my job as a member of Camp Maintenance gave me a moment of peace, a time where I could wander aimlessly through the forest and pretend I was back on Earth.
It was always hard to escape my idle fantasies, but each and every day I returned from the small world inside my head, and continued living alongside the aliens that I saw every day.
As I was busy washing the dishes for the other employees at our communal meal, I overheard the tv as it announced something that peaked my interest.
“A wave of devastation as people continue to loot shops and break into buildings. The trio-oooo-hooo-oooo-uhh-oooh,” the newsmare began to sing as the chorus of voices rose behind her.
Stepping out of the kitchen, I leaned over the couch to get a better look as the camera panned to reveal three mares, earth ponies by the looks of it, as they sung in the middle of the street with cops wearing plastic smiles skipping alongside them.
“What the hell is going on there?” I asked the young colt who was lounging on the couch.
“Look like someone’s trying to take over Trot city with a musical," he shrugged, reaching forward with the remote to change to a sketch comedy.
“You’re not the least bit worried about that?”
“Meh, happens every other week. Besides, the Power Ponies will just deal with them,” he answered with a bored tone.
I honestly couldn’t understand these ponies. Other creatures were in danger and that little bastard just wanted to watch Cheese Sandwich and his friends get slapped with a trout.
Ponies were in danger, and others were risking their lives to try and help them. That colt should have felt at least some compassion for the ponies in Trot City. Ponies like that colt are exactly why I lost faith in this species. I couldn’t imagine a normal human seeing something like that and simply saying, “That’s boring, I’m going to watch the Three Stooges now.” It’s completely insane!
I decided not to waste my time admonishing the young colt and simply excused myself from the room. I knew that the Power Ponies were capable fighters, the VHS tapes I was able to buy in town of their fights proved as much, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt for a dashing rouge to fly in and offer them his assistance.
I was able to sneak away from the campers without much issue as I melted into the foliage of the forest, donning my helmet and cape as I prepared to fly off to Trot City. I arrived about fifteen minutes later, and watched from afar as chaos rang rapid through the streets.
I was able to find the Dazzlings fairy easily because of the large number of camera crews that surrounded them. Their leader, Adagio, an apparent teenager with golden skin and an orange perm that fell to her waist, took center stage as her sisters sang backup. On her left, Sonata, the blue skinned sister of the trio who wore a look of blissful ignorance to the disaster that danced around them. Finally, Aria, the middle sister with lavender skin and two purple pigtails with streaks of green, wore a sadistic smile as she carried Sonata in the chorus.
One surprising thing to note about the sisters were their outfits. Instead of the typical sinister look that most villains went for, they looked like the 80’s threw up on them, apologized, and then proceeded to throw up on them again. Those three stood out line sore thumbs in a town that dressed closer to the 1960s than any other age.
Aside from the camera crew that watched their every movement, they were also flocked by a small legion of police officers who were wearing the same menacing smiles that were plastered on the other ponies’ faces.
A quick search around also revealed that the Power Ponies were nowhere in sight, which I took as a sign of my opportunity to work as a solo act on my first crime. If I was a just a bit smarter back then, maybe I would have realized how stupid that hopeful thought was.
Ignorant of the problems that would inevitably arrive, I lifted dozens of cameras off of their stands to call their attention.
“Your concerto of crime ends now, criminal scum!” (Thanks Batman and Imperial Watch.)
The three sisters quickly locked their eyes onto me, prompting every single mare and stallion under their control to stop their pillaging as they joined in their collective gawking. I learned a funny fact about myself that day. I was fucking terrified of crowds apparently. Not a good trait for an idiot who wants to be a super hero.
“I-I’m Magneto!” Of course, I stuttered on my introduction. “And I am the Master of Magnetism! Release these ponies from your terrible tune, and no harm will come to you!”
There was a long pause of silence before a chorus of laughter suddenly erupted from the crowd, squashing whatever little self-respect I had as some of the puppeteered ponies began to double over on themselves, clutching their stomachs as several of them fell to their knees and laughed at my expense.
“Aw, the little colt wants to get rough with the big mares. How cute,” Aria teased.
“Why don’t you come down here, big colt. We can show you how to sing~!” Adagio added on with a sensual yet still mocking tone.
“She means we want to fuck you!” Sonata unhelpfully explained. I’ll be honest, I think I hated her the most out of those three.
“Laugh all you want, because you won’t find what happens next to be as amusing!” I attempted to threaten.
“Oh, I think we’ll all be laughing later,” Adagio promised with a predatory grin as they began to hum their hypnotic hymn. Of course, my helmet prevented them from turning me into another willing puppet but they didn't know that. So, there I was, floating in midair as these three girls sung at me.
I let them go through their whole routine, special effects and all, and waited for them to wrap it up. When it was finally over, I gave them an awkward clap, both lout of spite and because the situation itself just felt a bit odd to me. I never thought of describing a clap as being, “limp” before, but it feels accurate in this case.
“Um… Nice performance? It’s not the worst I’ve heard, I guess.”
“Everypony’s a critic,” Sonata pouted, earning a slap upside the head from Adagio before the leader of their trio pointed an accusatory finger at me.
“Why isn’t our song working on you?!”
“I’d say it’s because I’m just that good, but the truth is your performance was pretty boring.”
“Can it, mutt! I’ll turn you into a footstool!” Aria shouted.
“Oh, really? You and what army?”
She responded to my stupid inquiry by motioning to the legion of mindless drones that they had collected. Then, with a snap of her fingers, every police officer (I refuse to call them Ponice) drew their guns and aimed them at me. I was able to hide my fear fairly well thanks to the enchantment on my helmet, and I quickly responded by prying them from their hands and tearing them apart in the air. Several guns went off in my efforts to disarm them, since each one of them already had their finger waiting precariously on the trigger finger, but my magnetic shield was able to catch any of the stray shots that nearly found their mark.
With a flourish of my own power, I allowed the remains of their firearms to spin around me as I descended to the street below, watching with a bit of pride as the three sisters backed away in fear. Unfortunately, any momentum created by my entrance was killed off as I tried to hit them with a clever one-liner.
“Now, stand down you singers sin-wait- sin-singer-ugh. Sinn-ing sing-ers. Sinning Singers. You sing-th-ffFuck! You know what I mean!”
Truly, I had as much grace as a greased-up toad on an ice rink back then. I’ve gotten considerably better at it since then, but my early days were rather rough.
“Here’s an idea, why don't you come down here and make us, mutt!” Aria shouted, to which I easily complied. Their powers weren’t able to affect me, their hum pony shields could easily be lifted out of the way, and I appeared to have all of the advantages. At least, that’s what I thought until a pink and white blur raced past me and punched me in the side of the head before racing off.
Recoiling from the sudden cheap shot, I fell tho my knee as I clutched my head. Word to the wise, a helmet keeps you alive, it doesn’t always prevent you from feeling pain.
My assailant at least sported a broken hand for her trouble. But in spite of the pain, that crazed mare still smiled like she was one every type of drug known to man.
She ran at me again, throwing a volley of punches every few seconds to whenever I wasn’t blocking. Unlike her friends and her D.C. counterpart, Fili-Second’s costume was free of any metal accessories or accents, meaning I could just keep her in the air as I dealt with the others.
Of course, just because I couldn’t put her in the sky didn’t mean I had to be limited to the ground. I flew out of her reach as soon as I had the chance, giving me a brief reprieve before I felt the unshakable desire to suddenly move.
I never had to dodge lighting before, but thank god I was a quick learner in that regard.
In the blink of an eye, a bolt of lightning shot past me and struck a nearby building. I barely had a moment to think before I felt the electromagnetic field around me shove me away from another volley of lighting.
I was able to catch a glimpse of Zapp as she dove into the clouds and threw bolts of electricity from her hands. The sky was clearly her domain and the ground was even less safe thanks to the pink speedster that was waiting for me. Another narrowly missed strike of lighting reminded me to focus on the raging pegasus that was trying to kill me.
“Fuck! I thought you were the good guys!”
Zapp ignored my crie shouts as a lightning bolt suddenly tore through my cape, burning sizable a hole near my side.
I’m not sure if I was lucky or unlucky to suddenly feel Marevelous’ lasso wrap around my ankle, but the ground felt a lot safer than the air at the moment. With a strong tug of her arm, I was pulled back down to Terra where the heroine was waiting to wrap me in her lasso.
I had known enough about Wonder Woman to know that magic lassos were hardly a good thing to be tied up with, so I latched onto the metal bracelets that were wrapped around her wrists and threw her into the sky where Zapp quickly caught her.
Before I could try to take the lasso off of my ankle, the speeding menace grabbed the other end and ran around me. In a matter of moments, I was tied up with the magical lasso and fell to my side as Fili-Second and the others stood next to the Dazzlings.
“Well, well, how the cocky fall,” Adagio teased as her and her sisters dew closer.
The lasso felt like it was getting tighter with each passing second, robbing me of air as I fought against it. Knitting my eyes closed, I tried to focus o n the metal around me and ended up latching onto the large pile of stolen goods that the enslaved ponies were building earlier.
I felt dozens of televisions, jewelry boxes, and other assorted metal trinkets and appliances swarm around me as I laid on the ground. The vortex of flying metal stopped Fili-Second and the others from getting too close, and it also had the unintended side effect of redirecting Zapp’s lighting as well.
Saddle Ragger was too calmed by the siren’s ability to hulk out, so at least she wasn’t too involved in the fight. I’m certain that, if she were at full power, I wouldn’t be sitting in a prison cell today but rather a shallow unmarked grave.
That still left me with five professional super heroes who weren’t afraid to go for the throat.
There were too many ponies around the Dazzlings to throw a car at them. Besides, Radiance was on defense for the teenage trio, so I would need to get to her before trying to hit the Dazzlings.
“Are you gonna hide in there all day? Please come on out, we won’t bite!” Adagio promised.
“Aw, but biting is always the fun part!” Sonata once again unhelpfully chimed in.
Ignoring their taunts, I began pelting random tv’s, toasters, and anything else I could at them. Radiance used her bejeweled gauntlets to raise a shield over the Dazzlings and the Power Ponies. With little air or rational thought left, I kept throwing everything I had at the shield until a bar of gold found its way through Radiance’s defenses, flying into Marevolous’ jaw and subsequently loosening the lasso as it fell to the ground in a limp heap.
I learned much later that Radiance’s weakness was, ironically, jewelry and anything valuable. For example, a solid brick of gold or a bejeweled blade would easily cut through any shield or construct she made. Compared to Green Lantern’s weakness being the color yellow or wood, I could forgive her for her bizarre weakness especially since it was the main reason I wasn't dead.
I couldn’t celebrate my victory for long as a torrent of flames began assaulting my barricade. With a short amount of time to think before most of my arsenal melted, I tried to focus to focus on any other metal I could grab onto. Following the trail that led to Matter Horn’s “horn” I pulled at the metal contraption on her forehead, hoping to either knock her to her senses or at least give her enough of a headache so she would stop.
I doubt I was the only one surprised and slightly horrified when her entire horn was ripped from her head and flew into the tornado of metal around me. Apparently, Matter Horn was an earth pony with an enchanted iron horn, so it wasn’t as if I actually ripped off a unicorn’s horn.
I could go on a tangent about how appropriating another race’s traits felt too similar to certain negative acts back on Earth, but even I have gotten tired of those arguments, especially since everyone is completely pigheaded in this upside-down world.
If I was in a better frame of mind, I could have grabbed the horn and used it against the Dazzlings and the Power Ponies, but I was too surprised by her horn coming off to even keep up my metal defenses.
As soon as my focus was off of my barrier, Fili-Second leapt at the opportunity and punched my helmet again. Apparently, she learned her mistake from last time and was using a pair of boxing gloves to cushion her fists. I didn’t know or care where she got them, I was too busy trying to fly away from her and simultaneously dodge any lightning that Zapp threw at me. Marevelous was still out cold, Matter Horn was Matter Hornless, and Saddle Ragger was left completely defenseless.
Nothing could control an angry hulk, especially not the Dazzlings. But trying to piss off a hulk that could fly was downright suicidal and dangerous for the ponies near her. It seemed like the Dazzlings at least knew it too since they hadn’t tried using her once, and Radiance was still acting as a shield along with all of the pony bodies between her construct and the Dazzlings.
Three heroes, three villains, a small army of slaves, and one man who could manipulate magnetic fields. I would say that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but that would be my life as a whole.
Focusing on the energy that wrapped around Zapp’s arms, I followed the electromagnetic trail to the cold metal lightning bolt that hung around her neck. Being the complete idiot I was back then, I had completely forgotten that I actually read up a bit on the Power Ponies. While it didn’t mention things like Matter Horn’s secret or Radiance’s weakness to tasteful fashion, it did mention the necklace that Zapp wore.
Essentially, if Thor’s hammer once had an almost equally powerful keychain on it, then it would have been Zapp’s necklace.
“Idiot!” I hissed through my teeth as I reached out and ripped the lightning bolt necklace off of her neck.
I almost dropped like a stone when I held the necklace in my pam, and quickly chose to hold it with my powers instead. I was immensely glad that the comics back on Earth had answered the debate of if Magneto could lift Thor’s hammer, or else I probably wouldn’t have thought to just keep it floating next to me.
I couldn’t harness any of the powers inside of it since I wasn’t “worthy” but at least it meant that Zapp couldn’t use it either.
Still taken aback by the fact I stole her artifact, I took the opportunity to ram my fist into her stomach, knocking the wind out of her as she hurtled to the ground before. Not wanting to be a murderer, (yet,) I made sure to lower her down by the metal accents on her Knee-high boots. Before I could even place her down, Fili-Second raced in to put her near the other beaten Power Ponies.
That was good for me, because it meant that the Dazzlings wanted the Power Ponies to stay alive. After all, why kill the Justice League when you could brainwash them and make them commit crimes for you? I wasn’t able to relish the fact that I had single handedly beaten half of the Power Ponies because a giant pair of pink scissors suddenly formed in the air and tried to cut my head off.
The Dazzlings had moved Radiance from a defensive position to offensive, which put me in a more precarious situation. I couldn’t sense her constructs like I could with Zapp’s lightning, so I would either have to fly in the sky where a construct could come from any angle, or stay on ground level and keep an eye on her while avoiding the Flash’s sugar obsessed step-sister.
Unlike the others, the only metal plating on Radiance’s body was her breastplates, and it hardly seemed helpful or productive make her flash everyone around her. Her bracelets were enchanted gemstones that weren’t connected by metal, they actually floated near each other because of a gravity enchantment that made them stick to her wrist. So, no way to disarm her like a Green Lantern without cutting off a limb or two.
I also still hadn’t yet made the connection of jewelry being her weakness, so I needed to rely on a few other tricks from the comics. The way to defeat a green lantern was to distract them, which was easy to do when they were blinded.
Grabbing a dozen police sirens and police grade flashlights from the scattered cars, I shoved the collective light show into her face, causing her to scream out as the blaring sirens and bright lights assaulted her eyes and ears.
The pink menace was quick to help her comrade, tossing away the sirens and flashlights that scattered on the ground. Radiance was still in a slight daze but it wouldn’t last for long.
I tried to use every bit of comic lore to think of how to fight her. The Flash needed a solid surface but it wasn’t like I could freeze the floor in front of her. The tapster from Marvel was able to use a quick acting agent to make super heroes stick to the ground, but that option wasn’t possible for obvious reasons. What I needed was something that would keep her from running, something that would hold her down.
And just like that, I had a rather devious idea about an unstoppable force and an immovable object. Radiance would be back in the battle before I knew it, so I needed to take care of the speedster quickly.
“You want a fight, Fili-Second?! Let’s go! Mono-e-mono, mare to stallion!” I taunted as I descended back to the ground.
As soon as my boots were planted on the street, a flurry of punches hit my stomach and face. Blocking my torso did very little, so I prioritized protecting my face as I wrapped Zapp’s necklace around Fili-Second’s ankle. Once I felt the necklace loop twice and lock around her leg, I floated out of her reach and watched as her arms fruitlessly flailed while she fought against her new ball and chain. With her foot completely pinned to the asphalt, she couldn’t do anything except hop in place as she struggled against the magical necklace.
A weak chuckle escaped my lips before a massive pink curling iron slammed into my back. I’m fairly certain I coughed up a bit of blood after that.
I was too tired to even care about her safety and just threw a car at her. It was effective and, remarkably, she did’t die either, not that I was able to care with how much I was bleeding inside. I ended up relying mostly on my powers to keep myself steady because my legs would have certainly given out if I didn’t.
“Is that the best you’ve got? Because I could do this all day.” I really couldn’t.
I was tired, covered in bruises, definitely had a few fractured bones. I’m fairly certain that I would have died if I exerted any more pressure on my body. Fight scenes in comics and tv always look so easy, they never mention how much being punched over a hundred times a second hurts or that a person’s organs really don’t like flying up and down repeatedly.
“You sure about that, sweetie?” Adagio asked as the enslaved ponies suddenly adopted fighting poses.
“Oh… Oh That’s not fair.”
“That’s kinda the point, genius!” Aria shouted.
“Yeah! Thanks to these amulets, we can control anypony!” Sonata gloated stupidly. It was probably the most helpful thing she had said all day.
Although my vision was turning a bit too blurry for me to really see it, I think I saw a hint of horror dawn on Adagio’s face back then. Not that she'd ever admit it if I bothered to ask, of course.
“Your amulets? Fuck, I wish you said that earlier.”
Before Adagio or the others to make a move, I reached out and felt for a something to grab onto. While Sonata and adagio’s amulets were just fabric chokers that had a spell similar to Radiance’s bracelet, Aria, being the punk of the trio, decorated hers in spikes.
Metal spikes.
The amulet was easily ripped off of Aria’s neck, sailing though the air like a bird as it landed in my open palm. I would have laughed at the expression on her face if it didn’t cause me indescribable pain.
With only two thirds of the trio possessing a necklace, the spell that was holding the ponies captive began to fade away and the police were quick to dog pile on the fleeing teens.
Dazed, tired, and definitely missing quite a bit of blood, I slinked off into an alley way before painfully flying back to the Everfree Forest. I was considerably lucky that no pegasi saw me as I left, or else they would have easily been able to keep up pace with me as I struggled to keep myself in the air.
I didn’t even make it a third of the way to Camp Everfree before I blacked out under a tree that was far away from the main road. The day had been saved, and I ended up nearly bleeding out under some random tree in the forest. Definitely not one of the cleanest debuts in the world of heroes, but it certainly left a long-lasting impression on most of them.