//------------------------------// // Ch. 9 :: In Which Rainbow Dash Is So Cute It Makes Her Sick // Story: Rainbow Dash is Best Pony // by Tirimsil //------------------------------// You're hired! Rainbow Dash shook Pinkie's cursed voice out of her head as she darted between the tables. Don't look at anyone, Dash, she mentally huffed, red-faced, rushing back and forth in Sugarcube Corner with trays on her wings. Don't drop anything, Dash. Do a good enough job you don't have to leave, but not so good you have to come back. "Wonderful service, miss! You're faster than sound~!" Flitter praised her, and gave her an extra bit and a knowing, very embarrassing wink. Cloudchaser furrowed her brows in apparent confusion. "Wow, like, are you new?" Lyra asked, apparently not recognizing her. Dash gave a curt nod and fled. "You look great!" Lyra called after her with her hooves cupped to her mouth. Bon Bon froze, her donut bit rolling off her raised hoof and onto the floor, then flexed that hoof and scowled mightily. "You free later?" someone she didn't even look at asked. She shook her head, took the bits, and was about to leave when the creep touched her hoof. She froze, dropped out of the air, and looked back. Her face paled. "Never seen a waitress as cute as you at Shoo-ga-kyooob Corner," Zephyr Breeze drawled, looking into her eyes. "You look familiar... Have we met?" No, no, no, no, no, her mind shrieked. And hopefully we never will again. "Nope-thanks-for-the-tip-bye!" she spat quickly and vanished behind the counter faster than anyone's eyes could follow. "She's totally into me," Zephyr deluded himself. Pinkie Pie continued to work the register for five minutes before she noticed her new waitress was missing. She scowled and scouted the area. Bananas don't go with pickles, she thought. Also, if Dashie bounced, I'll do worse than sit on her. I'll... uuummm... switch her bananas with yellow pickles. That'll teach her. As long as she doesn't puke on mesies. "Paleeeeette?" she called, causing the customers to look all around. After the Cakes had refused to let her simply buy them off with her book money, Rainbow Dash had agreed to work off the busted door with the minor request that she be in disguise. She found herself running out of excuses to put this off at approximately the time Pinkie threatened to sit on her. She was already nearly unrecognizable just by putting her in a lacy black dress with a white pinafore and mary janes. Then they did her hair up in twintails and she might have been a distant cousin. The fact she gave Pinkie murder-eyes and had the reddest face this side of Luna caught hugging bunnies only made her cuter. Since they were unable to get the colors out of her hair - all the colors - they were working on her new name and were going with "Palette" for now. "D-down here," Rainbow Dash rasped from next to her feet, shivering. The baker blinked, then looked down with a pout. Looking back up to see no one was watching, she ducked under the counter with her. "Dashie," she whispered. "You can't pay off your debt like that! This isn't that kind of fanfic!" "Zephyr Breeze is here!" Dash's teeth chattered. "Why is Zephyr Breeze here!" "Huh?" Pinkie poked her head back up and saw him. He was looking all around the bakery, too. She ducked back down. "Huh. That's a good sign, maybe he's got a job." "He touched my hoof." "Ooooh, no-touchy is part of our policy..." "Really?" Dash asked hopefully. Pinkie stared evenly at her. "You just put out a book calling me 'pudgy and matronly'... Then there's Mrs. Cake. Of course it is!" "Can I look over the policy, real quick?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Just wanna make sure of the terms." "Wise," Pinkie admitted, fishing parchment out from her mane. "Keep it, I've got copies." Then she blinked and furrowed her brows. "Am I the devil?" "What?" Dash asked, focusing on glossing over the policy. "Nothin'. Joke's like three years too old to hit." "Okay," Dash breathed slowly, "I got this." "Remember, your name's Palette." Pinkie insisted. Then she gasped and snapped a hoof like fingers. "Pastel Palette." "Oh come on, stop making it cuter..!" "It's gotta be two words!" Pinkie rasped. "Who's got a one-word name?!" Dash began counting on her feathers. "Rarity? Applejack? Flitter? Rumble--" "Quit stallin' and go help these ponies make bad dietary decisions!!" "Um, like, waitress?" Lyra wave. Dash tried very hard not to wrinkle her nose at her strange sitting position and ability to "flex" her hoof like a gryphon's talon in a glove. Dash glanced briefly at Bon Bon's very even stare as Lyra continued. "Do you know, like, who painted that?" She pointed at a landscape painting on one of the walls, depicting Rainbow Falls in monochrome. Despite the limited color palette, it was quite striking, as the closer objects were painted more boldly than the fainter background items. "Uuumm," Dash mumbled, trying to sound as ditzy and brainless as possible. "I think that's like, a locaaaal... What was his name... Uuuuh... Ambrose...? Amber?" "Oh wow, Ambient Sky did that?" Lyra blinked. "At his age? He's like, ten!" "I thiiiink that's the name. Like, don't quote me," Dash shrugged. "Did you guuuuys need anythiiiing?" "Oh, like, nah, I was just wondering." Lyra laughed bashfully. "Water," Bon Bon asked, glaring daggers sidelong at her companion. "Just bring me the hose, actually." "Excuse me, miss..." Zephyr crooned. Dash's neck felt itchy and she forced herself to turn and smile at him. "Yes, sir?" "What's yer name, darlin'?" Dash inhaled and exhaled. "Pastel Palette, sir." "So cute. Would you be an angel and refill this for me? Coffee. Sweet as you." Zephyr blew a kiss. Dash had never accomplished anything in her life so difficult as keeping the smile on her face and not throwing up. "Sure thing," Dash chirped, taking the cup and turning away. She froze as he dared to touch her wing with his. He couldn't see, but her eyes were wide and furious. He was a pegasus, he knew better. "What's your favorite danish, hun?" he asked. "Get me the same, if that's okay." "... Yes, sir." she forced out, and walked back to Pinkie, holding that wing away from her body. There was only one thing stopping her from screaming and running right now: the terror of Pinkie's butt. "Zephyr's order?" Pinkie whispered, her brows worried. "He asked for coffee as sweet as me, and whatever my favorite danish is." she whispered back. "Creepy," Pinkie perceived with a pout. "Also stupid," Dash scowled. "He has no idea what my favorite danish is." "But ♪ I ♫ do ♪" Pinkie sang quietly. Dash thought it over and slowly smiled. "I'll do the coffee sweet," Pinkie reasoned. "He might drink it first." Dash could have hugged her. "Here you are, sir," Dash crooned, setting down a rainbow-swirl coffee and the Pastel Palette Special. She blushed legitimately. "Miss Pinkie insisted on the sweetest coffee she could manage..." "Smart gal," Zephyr condescended, "Knows a darling when she sees one." Two things prevented this from angering Dash further. One, envisioning herself spinning his face around with a punch like that duck in the cartoons. Two, remembering what she had just put in front of him to eat. "Do you mind if I sit here for a minute?" she cooed, sitting at the table across from him, patiently crossing her forehooves on the table. He blinked in surprise. "Taking a break? Or have I caught your eye?" Dash blinked, which she was sure he took as batting her lashes. I'd like to catch your eyes with a backhoof, she thought behind her endearing smile. He sipped the coffee and choked. "Oh, wow," he coughed, "That's pretty sweet!" Dash's grin only widened as he lifted the danish, full of sticky red stuff. "Hm, what is this, strawberry?" He took a big bite, paused, blinked three times, made a sound like "HOOOBPPFFTH" with his eyes watering, and belched flames, causing the other patrons to whip their heads around in alarm. "Uuurgh!" he groaned, doubling over onto the table with his eyes watering. "Wh-what -- Did you poison me?!" His suave demeanor had completely vanished. "Aaaaaaagh, it buuuurrnns!" "It's not poison, you wuss. My favorite danish is a house specialty," Dash continued over his sobs as though everything was normal. "It's called the Pink Death. The peppers are a patented hybrid." She produced a second such danish, took a bite, chewed for a few seconds, went "HOOOBPPFFTH", and sighed blissfully as smoke escaped her mouth and nostrils. "Great for the sinuses." "R-Rainbow Dash, you miiiinx!" Zephr moaned into the tablecloth, finally catching on. "Y-you don't have to dress up like a siren a-and play tsundere for my hea-ha-heaaaart..." He continued pathetically crying. "S-siren?!" Dash's smile dropped immediately. "Quit the kirin-talk, pal, you're the one who picked today of all days to be here!" With his face still against the table, he reached out and touched her forehoof again. "Izz deztinee," he unceremoniously slurred between coughs. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot," she pulled out the policy and shook it at him. "Sugarcube Corner has a strict no-touching policy with the staff. Go on, read what it says." "Oh?" he took the policy and looked it over with his nose running. He glanced up at her. Back down at it. Back up at her, now batting her eyes for real. "Aw come on..." Dash delighted in the whoosh and short, crisp "AAAH" as she threw him out the door, clapping her hooves and closing her eyes with a smile. She froze and opened her eyes at the sound of applause, turning slowly to see everyone cheering at her and a certain pinkster leaning over the counter with her head on one hoof and a saucy look. "Uh ooooh ♪" Pinkie sang, "Someone's ♫ the most popular ♪ waitress ♫ we've ever haaaad ♪" Rainbow Dash waved her wings around frantically. "No no no--" "You're SUPER hired!"