Manehatten – the Big Orange. If you could make it here, you could make it anywhere. (Except New Jockey; nobody liked New Jockey.)
From the towering skyscrapers to the colorful (and rude) ponies on the streets, Manehatten was always a hub of freshness and excitement. You could visit the famous Crystaller Building, or see the sights at the Statue of Neighberty, or catch a show on Bridleway. Or, if you were feeling really adventurous, you could visit the oddly-shaped building of….
🎵Hoofenshmirtz Villainous Enterprises🎵
BOOM!!!
Inside the unnecessarily cluttered and unorganized laboratory at the top of the skyscraper, Bon Bon skillfully backflipped away from the flow of globby green goop that had been aimed at her. Only she wasn’t Bon Bon. For when she donned her fabulous secret agent sunglasses, she was Agent Sweetie Drops, secret protector of Equestria.
She landed securely on her hindlegs, her hoofs ready to unleash their deadly kung-fu skills against her archenemy, Dr. Hoofenshmirtz. The stallion was rather on the scrawny side of things, and he had an abnormally long and pointed snout, and he always wore a pharmacist’s coat for some reason, but he was not to be underestimated! Especially when he was sitting on a giant squirt gun with containers full of globby green goop.
“I have you now, Agent Sweetie Drops!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz declared dramatically. “Nothing will stop me from using my Goop-erator from taking control of the entire…one city area!”
“You know, it’s always weird how you say it like that,” Bon – I mean, Agent Sweetie Drops commented casually. “I mean, wouldn’t it make more sense just to say, ‘taking control of the entire city!’ or something like that.”
“You know, I never thought about that,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz, touching his muzzle curiously. “It’s like there’s some higher force compelling me to act in such an unusual manner. As if we are nothing more than fictitious characters bending to the will of someone else’s control….”
While Hoofenshmirtz was lost in his potential existential crisis, Agent Sweetie Drops took advantage of his distraction.
She noticed a wrench that was just lying on the floor next to her hoof, so she kicked it in the air and bucked it across the room. It flew towards Dr. Hoofenshmirtz’s head; the stallion pharmacist only noticed when he asked Agent Sweetie Drops about the possibility of alternate realities. He quickly ducked his head, narrowly dodging the wrench, then stood back up and pointed his hoof at the agent.
“A-ha! You missed!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz shouted triumphantly.
What he failed to notice was the wrench flying into one of the machines and slamming a big red button labelled “Do Not Touch.”
“Goop-erator will now self-destruct in ten…nine…eight…,” a digitized voice announced while displaying a countdown on the giant monitor next to the button.
“…Why do I keep installing self-destruct buttons on my erators?” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz asked himself, not even trying to run or stop the countdown. “You’d think I would learn by now.”
Agent Sweetie Drops quickly dashed outside to the tower balcony and stood on the railing overlooking a perilous hundred-foot drop. She reached behind her flank and pulled out a grapnel gun from Luna know where. She fired it to the roof on the opposite built, successfully hooking it, and jumped off. As she swung away in a heroic fashion, she could hear Dr. Hoofenshmirtz screaming her name, “Curse you, Agent Sweetie Drops!” before his building exploded for the hundredth time.
“ – that’s when I grappled across the rooftops, the building exploding behind me like a bad donkey. It was awesome.”
“Yes, yes, that’s nice. Can you grab the hoof sanitizer now?”
It was the next day after Agent Sweetie Drops’ – or as she is now called, Bon Bon – latest epic mission against he forces of evil. (Okay, maybe less “evil” and more “annoying.”) She was regaling her adventure to Octavia as they strolled through the cleaning aisle of the Canterlot supermarket. Blossomforth, Vinyl, and Spitfire were around somewhere, but they lost track of them less than twenty minutes ago. As for why five ponies with differentiating personalities would be shopping at the supermarket together…. Well, your guess is as good as mine.
Bon Bon tossed the hoof sanitizer in the cart, complaining, “C’mon, you’re not even paying attention. This is epic stuff worthy of a cartoon series. You gotta be a little impressed.”
“Aren’t your ‘adventures’ supposed to be top secret?” Octavia retorted, now inspecting her shopping list. “Do you think it’s wise to be saying them out in the open like this?”
“Eh, it’s fine,” said Bon Bon, waving her hoof flippantly. “As long as you don’t tell anypony I’m a secret agent – “
“You’re a secret agent!” Starlight Glimmer gasped shockingly, appeared around the corner levitating a jar of horn polish.
Bon Bon groaned exasperatedly, facehoofing herself. To be perfectly honest, this wasn’t the first time Starlight accidentally found out Bon Bon’s secret. With a well-practiced motion, Bon Bon reached behind her flank and pulled on a pair of sunglasses over her eyes. She then whipped out an ornate silver mirror and held it up to the unicorn’s face. Starlight stared at her reflection dumbfoundedly until it emitted a blinding flash. The Element of Generosity blinked cluelessly, staring off into space like her brain had been shut down; there was a little bit of drool dripping down her open muzzle.
Bon Bon casually put away her items and proceeded down the aisle with Octavia like nothing happened.
“Aren’t you worried you’re going to fry her brain one of these days?” Octavia asked.
“If it hasn’t happened the first two dozen times, it’s not gonna happen now,” said Bon Bon nonchalantly.
“You could avoid brainwiping her altogether if you stopped talking about your…adventures all the time? said Octavia pointedly as they strolled down the confectionary aisle. “Don’t you have other thing you like to talk about?”
“Well, there was this one-time Princess Luna sent me to infiltrate a secret terrorist organization in Shanghay – “
“Other than secret agent stuff!” Octavia hissed urgently, looking around for eavesdroppers.
“What else is there to talk about?” Bon Bon asked hopelessly.
“I don’t know,” said Octavia exasperatedly. “Wh…What about hobbies? You have any hobbies you like to do – that don’t involve secret agent stuff!” She emphasized as Bon Bon opened her mouth, only to shut it again. “Any movies you’ve seen? Any books you read? Ooh, any ponies you’re interested in?”
“Interested in?” Bon Bon repeated with a quirked brow. “You mean, like dating? Not interested in that mushy stuff. Too busy being the most awesome pony in all of Equestria. Wa-a-a-ay better than that speed junky in Cloudsdale.”
“Maybe you just haven’t met the right pony yet,” said Octavia with a knowing smile. “I remember when I first met Vinyl. It was four years ago and I was just fresh out of Manehatten Musical Academy. Of course, back then, it was hard for a celloist to get a job in Manehatten since everypony was more in headbanging and ‘vibing’ whatever that means. One day, someone hired me by accident thinking I was a synth player and ended up on stage with Vinyl, who was just starting out herself. It was looking like a disaster at first, but we somehow managed to combine our differences and create something unique…special for us. And then, well, the rest is history. So you see, Bon Bon, the trick is – hey, where’d you go?” Octavia paused, realizing Bon Bon wasn’t next to her.
“I got bored!” Bon Bon called from down the aisle, searching the shelves. Octavia puffed out her cheeks, pouting. “Its nice that worked out for you, Tavi, but its different for me. I’ve been trained to be an agent for the princess’s special forces since I was a foal. I am one hundred percent focused on my job. That’s not gonna change just because I meet a pretty mare.” Just then, something caught her eye on the top shelf. “Ooh, Coconut Log!”
“Aren’t you allergic to coconuts?” asked Octavia, quirking a brow.
“Yes, but they’re so-o-o-o good,” said Bon Bon, earning a sigh from Octavia. She reached up for her desired (and potentially lethal) snack when somepony else reached for it at the same time. They bumped hooves and quickly pulled back. “Whoops! Sorry, I didn’t see you….”
You know those scenes in cheesy romance movies where the background turns fuzzy pink, saxophone music is playing, and everything moved in slow motion. That’s what it was like when Bon Bon turned around to face that most striking mare she had ever laid eyes on. Her golden-orange eyes meeting Bon Bon’s baby-blues, her lightly colored mane swishing around her mane as she turned her head slowly. Bon Bon suddenly realized that she had stopped breathing for a moment with a feeling like something had been lodged in her throat. What was this sensation, she asked herself? Was this….
“Blossomforth, stop messing with those mood lights!” Octavia’s vocals cut through Bon Bon’s daze like a wagon crash. “Vinyl, stop playing around with that saxophone! And Spitfire, don’t you dare touch that slow motion machine again!”
“Fi-i-i-ine,” a chorus of childish whines responded.
Everything suddenly went back to normal by the time Bon Bon blinked, except for the feeling that her heart was abound to jump out of her chest. That was still going strong as the light-colored unicorn tilted her head with the most adorable smile. If they could weaponize that smile, Bon Bon though, they could defeat all their enemies in a heartbeat.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there,” said the unicorn. Even her voice sounded like a chorus of angels, Bon Bon thought. “You like Coconut Logs, too, huh? I’m allergic to them, but they’re so-o-o-o good. You know what I mean?”
“…You’re pretty,” Bon Bon mumbled dimly. It took a second for her brain to reboot and the candy-coated Earth Pony sharply snapped her hoof to her muzzle, eyes bulging horrifically. “I didn’t just say that out loud, did I?”
“You did,” said the unicorn with a teasing grin. “But for the record, you’re not too bad yourself.” She held out her hoof. “I’m Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings.”
“Age – I mean, Bon Bon,” Bon Bon corrected herself quickly. Why was her brain turning to mush around this mare? “And this is my friend, Octavia. The children in the background are Spitfire, Blossomforth, and DJ Pon-3.”
“HEY!” Spitfire and Blossomforth shouted indignantly. Vinyl shrugged nonchalantly and wandered off somewhere toward the music department.
“A pleasure,” Octavia said politely, shaking hooves with Lyra. “Say, aren’t you one of Princess Celestia’s friends?”
“And you’re Princess Luna’s friends,” Lyra noted. “Small kingdom, huh? I was just shopping for the surprise party we’re throwing for Princess Celestia with my friends…who I have completely lost track of,” she mumbled that last part, looking around uncertainly. “What’re you guys doing?”
“Honestly…I completely forgot,” Octavia admitted. “We just started piling up random things at this point.”
“I know that feeling,” Lyra laughed. Bon Bon was absolutely mesmerized by the unicorn, grinning like a big dope. Something that Octavia was quick to catch up on.
“Say, Lyra, is that party you’re having for Princess Celestia happening today?” asked Octavia, grinning impishly.
“No, it’s next week,” said Lyra. “Lemon Hearts is very meticulous about party planning. She’s almost as neurotic as Twilight. I’m totally free today.”
“Wow, what a coincidence,” said Octavia with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. She bumped Bon Bon’s flank, pushing the mare closer to Lyra. “Because it just so happens that Bon Bon here is totally free today as well.”
“WHAT?!” Bon Bon yelped like a frightened puppy. The Earth Pony broke out in a nervous sweat as Lyra leaned in closer with a playful smile on her lips.
“Is that right?” she said teasingly, giggling at the mare’s obvious panic.
“Buh…,” Bon Bon mumbled dimly.
“Since you’re both not doing anything today,” Octavia immediately jumped in, “maybe you could both do something together. Like, oh, I don’t know…maybe go out for nice lunch.”
“Huh?” Bon Bon stuttered, snapping at the musical mare with bulging eyes.
“And then a casual stroll through the park to get to know each other,” Octavia continued.
“Wha – “
“And no da – I mean, friendly outing would be complete without a little window shopping,” Octavia concluded proudly.
“Now hold on – “
“Ooh, that sounds wonderful!” Lyra exclaimed cheerfully, clapping her hooves. Any retorts died in Bon Bon’s throat as the candy-coated mare smiled serenely. “I know a lot of great shops around Canterlot that you will totally love, Bon Bon. Let’s meet up later at Cinnamon Chai’s Cake and Tea Shop. Say…around noonish?”
“Uh…,”Bon Bon mumbled dimwittedly. Octavia sighed exasperatedly and smacked her over the head. “Yeah! Yeah, okay, noonish! I can totally do noonish!”
“Great, it’s a date!” Lyra said brightly, nearly make Bon Bon’s heart stop. “We should meet up by – “
“There you are!” The mares looked down the aisle as Lemon Hearts came running to beside Lyra. “We need your help. Minuette got her head stuck in the gumball machine.”
“Again?!” Lyra yelped astonishingly. “That’s the eight time! How does she even fit her head in that tiny slot?!”
“It’s Minuette,” said Lemon Hearts like it explained everything.
“Ugh, all right,” Lyra groaned. She waved back at Bon Bon, smiling. “See you at noonish.”
“Right, noonish,” Bon Bon parroted, her face plastered with that dopey grin. Once Lyra and Lemon Hearts left the aisle, however, she quickly rounded on Octavia and hissed, “What in the name of Luna was that?!”
“That was me being a good wingmare,” said Octavia proudly. “Now you got yourself a date with a pretty pony.”
“I can’t go on a date with her!” Bon Bon cried, running her hooves down her face, stretching it cartoonishly. “I literally just met her five minutes ago!”
“Relax, she’s not expecting some big romantic gesture or something,” said Octavia calmly, clapping her hoof soothingly on Bon Bon’s shoulder. “This outing is just a chance for you two to get to know each other, that’s all. The first time Vinyl invited me out, we just went rolling skating through Canter Park. We were both terrible at it, but we had fun. So there’s no real need to impress her.”
“I guess that’s kind of a relief,” said Bon Bon thoughtfully.
“Trust me, just one piece of advice and you’ll do fine,” said Octavia.
“Be myself?” suggested Bon Bon.
“What? No! That’s terrible advice!” said Octavia, aghast. “I was going to say, whatever you do, don’t bring up any of that secret agent stuff!”
“Please, Tavi, I think I’m a little more careful about keeping my job secret – “ Bon Bon began when she was cut off by an incessant beeping noise.
The candy-coated mare reached behind her and whipped out her mirror, which was flashing words in bright red Letters: SECRET AGENT EMERGENCY! Bon Bon’s entire persona immediately shifted into serious mode as she searched the aisle for watchers before donning her awesome hardcore sunglasses. She reached up to random shelf and pulled a can of candied beets, which was actually a secret lever that revealed a hidden tunnel entrance at Bon Bon and Octavia’s hooves. The secret agent mare performed an unnecessary front flip and dived into the hole, which promptly sealed itself behind her.
“…Realistically, there’s no way that hole would just happen to be there,” Octavia commented.
Bon Bon – or rather, Agent Sweetie Drops – slid through a labyrinth of tubes, loop-de-loops, and a toll booth that only took exact change. She landed safely in a chair behind a control panel with hundreds of colorful, flashing buttons and a large silver mirror hanging on the wall in front of her. And who should appear in the mirror that the Princess of Equestria, Luna.
“Good morning, Agent Sweetie Drops,” Luna greeted with a stern look. “Dr. Hoofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks again. We just received this letter from him detailing when he will unveil his next evil plot.” She held said letter up into view. “Why he would send a letter telling us about his evil plot or how he got this address remains unknown. The point is, he’s up to no good and needs to be stopped.”
You can count on me, princess,” said Agent Sweetie Drops, saluting her. “I have not failed a mission yet.”
“And that’s why I trust you to get this done,” said Luna. “Get to Manehatten and stop Hoofenshmirtz at around noonish.”
“You got – wait, noonish?” Agent Sweetie Drops stammered.
“Yes, that’s what the lets says,” answered Luna, quirking her brow curiously. “He’ll be unveiling his next sinister plot around noonish.”
“Um…is there any way we could move the evil plot reveal to sometime later in the day?” asked Agent Sweetie Drop hopefully.
“Well, that would be incredibly rude,” Luna remarked. “I mean, the stallion went out of his way to send you and invitation. And with the good stationary, too. Why? Did you have something else planned?”
“Well…,” said Agent Sweetie Drops slowly, tapping her hooves.
Just then, they could the delightful tone of Princess Celestia shouting out of view, “Luna! Luna! The most incredible thing just happened!”
“Sister, I’m in the middle of a meeting with Agent Sweetie Drops!” Luna called off to the side. “Carl, you’re supposed to keep ponies out of the secret meeting room!”
“Sorry, ma’am,” a nasally voice apologized.
“You’re talking to Bon Bon?” Princess Celestia slipped into view, nudging her way into Luna’s space, to the midnight mare’s annoyance. “Hey, Bon Bon! I just heard the good news! You and Lyra are going out on a date! You two make such a cute couple.”
“Well, I don’t know about that,” said Agent Sweetie Drops, scratching her cheek sheepishly. “Wait, how did you know that? It literally just happened two minutes ago.”
“Minuette ran all the way to the castle to share the good news the moment she found out,” Celestia answered delightfully. “Though she was with a bouncy pink pony with a poofy mane when she showed up.”
“What’s this about a date?” Luna asked her sister suspiciously. Agent Sweetie Drops made a series of subtly gestures to Princess Celestia to keep the muzzle shut, but they went completely over the sun goddess’s head.
“Bon Bon here just asked my good friend Lyra out on a delightful evening together starting around noonish,” Celestia answered positively. Agent Sweetie Drops smacked her forehead on the desk, regretting coming in to work this morning.
“Noonish, huh?” Luna parroted, narrowing her eyes suspiciously on her operative. “Well, I’m sorry, Agent Sweetie Drops, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to cancel your plans.”
“What?! No?!” Celestia gasped horrifically.
“But your majesty!” Agent Sweetie Drops cried desperately.
“You took an oath to defend Equestria, Agent Sweetie Drops,” Luna reminded the mare sternly. “That means that safety and security of the kingdom ahead of your personal desires.”
“But, Luna, this could be Lyra and Bon Bon’s one chance at true love,” said Celestia mournfully.
“Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?” Luna marked, leaning away from older sister with a strange stare. “It’s only the first date. Just make up some excuse and I’m sure she’ll be fine. I mean, it’s not like Agent Sweetie Drops can go out with Lyra and stop Dr. Hoofenshmirtz’s evil plan at the same time. Right, Agent Sweetie Drops?” But when she looked back at her operative, the candy-coated mare sat unusually still with a thousand-yard stare. “Er…Agent Sweetie Drops.”
Slowly, almost cautiously so, Agent Sweetie Drops, pressed one of the buttons on the control panel. Princesses Luna and Celestia stared bewildered as the curly-maned mare’s chair rose up to the ceiling and disappeared through a secret hatch.
“…This can only end badly,” Luna commented.
To say that Bon Bon was anxious was a severe understatement. Her eyes flew back and forth as she walked down the busy Manehatten sidewalk like she was afraid Princess Luna would suddenly pop out of a dark alley and scold her. But her fears of the princess were nothing compared to apprehension of the pretty mare trotting beside her. Lyra was clueless to the mare’s trepidations, too busy taking it the sights of the gargantuan skyscrapers and colorful electronic signs that were everywhere.
“This – is – awesome!” Lyra squealed in delight. “Already the best first date I’ve ever had!”
“Yeah, Manehattern is pretty nice, though I prefer the quiet of Canterlot,” said Bon Bon, right as two taxi ponies started yelling over a parking spot across the street. “Again, I’m really sorry I had to drag you along, but my…co-worker needed me to help with a…project at the last minute. They asked after we agreed to meet later.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it, I completely understand,” said Lyra empathetically. “My co-workers at the music store are the same way. But, hey, you’re make time for us and I’ve always wanted to visit the big orange. What should we do first?”
“Well, we started this whole thing agreeing to get lunch together,” said Bon Bon, taking Lyra by the hoof. “Tavi and Vinyl recommended this one they used to go to when they lived in the city. This way…”
Lyra giggled at Bon Bon’s enthusiasm and allowed herself to be dragged down the road.
The place that the married musical couple had recommended was a prestigious little open-aired restaurant called the Cantering Cook. Though nothing as fancy as places seen on Canterlot’s Restaurant Row, it seemed to have drummed up enough business that a pony needed to get a reservation weeks in advance. Fortunately, Bon Bon was friends with Vinyl, who used to be a regular at the restaurant with her wife, and was seated right away, much to the annoyance of the ponies who had already been waiting for hours.
They were seated near the back where they had a magnificent view of the Manehatten skyline, which, Bon Bon immediately noticed, included a certain pharmacist’s evil headquarters. Bon Bon was staring at the distant building with suspicion as they were given their menus and Lyra started perusing the many options.
“Hmm, surprisingly casual selection,” Lyra commented. “What’re you gonna have, Bon?” When the mare didn’t respond, she looked over her menu. “…Bon Bon?”
“Huh?” said Bon Bon distractedly, looking back at her partner.
“You okay, Bon?” asked Lyra.
“Oh, yeah, I – I’m fine,” Bon Bon stammered, standing up. “Listen, I gotta check in with my er…co-worker for a bit. But could you order me a BLT and a lemonade while I’m out?”
“One bread, lettuce and tomato sandwich and a lemonade; got it,” Lyra replied with a playful salute.
Thanks, I’ll be back in two shakes of a pony’s tail,” Bon Bon promised.
While Lyra went back to her menu, Bon Bon crossed the restaurant towards the bathrooms. Once she was out of Lyra’s sights, she flattened herself again the wall, spy music suddenly playing over the PA system. Strange choice for a fancy restaurant, Bon Bon thought, but no matter. She whipped out her grapnel gun, shot it at the neighboring rooftop and swing her way across the Manehatten skyline toward –
🎵Hoofenshmirtz Villainous Enterprises🎵
The evil pharmacist, Dr. Hoofenshmirtz, placed back and forth impatiently through his nefarious lair, constantly looking at the clock on the wall. It was ten after noon.
“Where is that Agent Sweetie Drops?” he asked out loud. “I swear I told her to be here at noonish. Did she not get my letter? That’s the last time I send mail through cross-eyed pegasus ponies eating muffins in a dirty back alley.” Just then, a knock came from the door. “Well, it’s about time.”
The pharmacist stallion trotted over to the front door and pulled it open, revealing Bon Bon standing on the other side.
“Who’re you?” asked Dr. Hoofenshmirtz.
“Hi, I’m going door-to-door selling candy,” Bon Bon said in a bright and cheery tone. “Wanna buy some.”
“No, thanks, I don’t have much of a sweet tooth,” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz rejected.
“I have Coconut Logs,” Bon Bon tempted.
“Ooh, I love Coconut Logs!” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz, clapping his hooves excitedly. “I’m actually allergic to coconuts, but they’re so-o-o-o good. Wait here; I’ll go get my wallet.”
Dr. Hoofenshmirtz walked away to retrieve his bits, leaving the door open for Bon Bon. The candy-coated mare casually stepped inside before whipping out her nifty sunglasses and kicked the door shut with her back hoof. The loud banging noise caused Dr. Hoofenshmirtz to spin around and gasped when he noticed the secret agent.
“Agent Sweetie Drops!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz shouted. “How did you get into my lair? And did you see a pony selling candy that looked exactly like you, but without the nifty sunglasses?”
“Sorry, Hoofenshmirtz, the only candy you’ll be getting is sweet justice,” said Agent Sweetie Drops dramatically. “Hey, that’s actually good. I should write that down.”
“Oh, Agent Sweetie Drops, you are so unpredictable,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz casually. “And by that, I mean COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE!”
Quick as a flash, Dr. Hoofenshmirtz pulled a random lever, which released a pony-sized cage that slammed down from the ceiling…three hooves to Agent Sweetie Drops’ left. There was a moment of awkward pause; Dr. Hoofenshmirtz tapped his hooves, chuckling nervously.
“Uh, Agent Drops, would you mind if…,” he asked uncertainly.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure,” said Agent Sweetie Drops.
As casual as can be, Agent Sweetie Drops opened the cage door, walked inside, and closed the door behind her.
“Ah-ha! I’ve got you now, Agent Sweetie Drops!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz shouted triumphantly. “Now that I have you trapped – after you arrived late; very rude, by the way – I will now reveal my new diabolical plan! Behold!” He pressed a button and the floor opened up to reveal…the same giant squirt gun from yesterday, only filled with what looked like soapy water. “My Suds-erator!”
“…Did break that last time I was here?” asked Agent Sweetie Drops.
“No, you broke the Goop-erator,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz. “This is the Suds-erator.”
“But isn’t that the same – “
“It is not the same thing!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz snapped.
“But it even has the same design,” Agent Sweetie Drops pointed out.
“No, it’s completely different!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz argued. But after a few seconds of awkward silence, the pharmacist stallion grabbed a yellow paintbrush from somewhere and draw a stripe on the side. “See? This one has a yellow stripe. The Goop-erator didn’t have a yellow stripe.”
“If you say so,” Agent Sweetie Drops, rolling her eyes under her sunglasses.
“I bet you’re wondering what my nefarious plan is,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz excitedly. Agent Sweetie Drops groaned as he dragged in the slide projector, already telling her it was going to be a long-winded explanation. “And I will gladly tell you the details in this power point presentation I prepared for the occasion.” He turned on the slide projector “Now, I will turn my flank to you, completely ignorant to everything you are doing, and explain my fiendish plot for the next twenty minutes. The Suds-erator – “
Agent Sweetie Drops stopped paying attention after that. She knew Hoofenshmirtz enough to know that he was too hyper focused on his presentation to notice anything around him. Agent Sweetie Drops nonchalantly steps out of the cage, quietly closing the door behind her, and makes a quick exit out the front door –
- as Lyra was slurping down the last noodle of her veggie pasta loudly, to the unseen irritation of the pony at the next table over. She looked around the restaurant curiously. Bon Bon had been gone for almost twenty minutes; her BLT and lemonade was untouched. The minty mare understood that Bon Bon was in town on business, but she was hoping she would’ve wrapped it up by now –
That’s when Lyra heard a suddenly whooshing noise and looked forward. Bon Bon was in her seat again, delicately wiping her muzzle with a napkin; the plate and glass in front of her suddenly empty.
“Mmm, that is some good eats,” said Bon Bon, a little overly theatrical. “I have to remember to thank Tavi for recommending this place.”
“When did you get back?” asked Lyra curiously.
“A little while ago,” said Bon Bon, casually leaning on the table. “You just didn’t see me because you were too busy looking everywhere else.”
“I guess that makes sense,” said Lyra thoughtfully. “So did you finish up your business?”
“For now,” Bon Bon admitted sheepishly, touching her hooves. “Truth is, I’m supposed to be in a meeting right now, but my um…co-worker can be very longwinded. Nopony will notice if I step out for a while.”
“Ooh, a bad mare; I like that,” said Lyra, giggling amusingly. “We had our lunch, so what’s next on the agenda?”
“Tavi not-so-subtly suggested a stroll through the park,” said Bon Bon. “And since we’re in Manehatten, why don’t we take a little walk around Canter Park?”
“Aren’t a smooth little pony?” said Lyra teasingly, rising from her chair. “All right, let’s go.”
They left the restaurant (then galloped back when Bon Bon remembered they forgot to pay the check) and walked six blocks to reach Canter Park.
Canter Park was one of the few things that Manehatten had over Canterlot, Bon Bon will admit. While Canterlot had its fair share of parks, they were hardly used for recreation because the rich ponies always rented them out for their daily tea parties. In Manehatten, mares and stallions of all ages could be see enjoying the beautiful day that Princess Celestia had brought them. Bon Bon watched a father and son fly kites together. A teenage couple were having a romantic swan boat ride. And the local superhero, White Diamond, was locked in an epic battle against her archenemy, Black Obsidian, in the sky above.
Yep, a perfect day for a stroll.
Bon Bon and Lyra walked along the winding sidewalk, taking in the trees with their mixtures of red, orange, and yellowing leaves. Fall was just starting in Manehatten. Soon it would have its own Running of the Leaves like Canterlot did last week and Ponyville the week before that. Bon Bon silently hoped the Sunfire Sisters wouldn’t get involved again. Even after putting their differences aside, they were still ultra-competitive during the run in Canterlot and caused a whole mess of problems.
“This is nice,” said Lyra pleasantly. “It’s times like these that make you realize you need to slow down and enjoy the little things in life. Why rush everything, you know?”
“Uh-huh,” said Bon Bon distractedly, looking at her watch. It had nearly been twenty minutes; Hoofenshmirtz would be finishing his long-winded presentation any second now. She needed to get away for a little while. “…Hey, how about a race?”
“Huh?” said Lyra, bewildered by the sudden suggestion.
“You and me, one lap around the entire park,” said Bon Bon with feign enthusiasm.
“Did you not hear what I just said?” asked Lyra, quirking her brow.
“Don’t tell me you’re sca-a-ard?” Bon Bon taunted.
“…Oh, it is so on,” said Lyra seriously. The minty pony had a competitive streak of her own, but it normally only came out when she was called a chicken or anything similar. She immediately crouched into position and said, “I hope you have room for dessert, because you’re gonna eat my dust!”
“That is so hot…,” Bon Bon muttered to herself. She crouched into position next to Lyra. “We go on three. One…two…three!”
Lyra took off like a pegasus. Bon Bon ran a few paces before intentionally slowing down and stopping once she was out of Lyra’s visual range. She then took shelter underneath the shade of a tree and slipped on her nifty sunglasses. Then, after making sure the coast was clear, launched her grapnel into the air and was zipped away to –
🎵Hoofenshmirtz Villainous Enterprises🎵
Agent Sweetie Drops cautiously poked her head in through the front door. Dr. Hoofenshmirtz was still babbling on about his latest evil invention that he somehow didn’t notice she had been gone during the whole thing. So Agent Sweetie Drops quietly closed the door, tiptoed across the room, and slipped inside the cage without making a sound. The secret agent wiped her brow in relief as the evil pharmacist reached the end of his presentation.
“ – take control of the entire ONE CITY AREA!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz declared maniacally. He turned off the projector and turned back to Agent Sweetie Drops with a hopeful look. “So, what did you think?”
“Er…it was really good?” said Agent Sweetie Drops hesitantly.
“Are you sure?” asked Dr. Hoofenshmirtz. “I know I say this a lot, but I think this might be my greatest erator so far. Though I’d like to get your opinion on it.”
“It’s fine,” said Agent Sweetie Drops.
“No need to hold back,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz. “Constructive criticism is the cornerstone of improvement.”
“I really think you did a good job,” replied Agent Sweetie Drops.
“Aw, thank you!” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz cheerfully. “Whelp, nothing left to do but begin my diabolical plan.”
The pharmacist stallion started to climb his latest erator, though he misplaced his hoof twice and ended up falling on the ground. He managed to reach the seat by the third try. He started flipping a bunch of switches and levers on his device, turning the -erator on with a loud whirling noise. The giant water gun came to life and turned toward the open window, which Agent Sweetie Drops might have been a faster coming back than taking the elevator.
“Where shall I use my Suds-erator first?” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz asked himself. “How about Canter Park? All those happy, smiling ponies with their playing and frolicking and perfectly manicured hooves. They shall be the first to feel the wrath of my Suds-erator!”
Okay, that’s bad, Agent Sweetie Drops thought. Lyra was in Canter Park, still thinking she was racing Bon Bon. Agent Sweetie Drops could just walk out of the cage and hit the self-destruct button, but she wouldn’t because that would be the smart thing to do. So instead….
“Wait!” Agent Sweetie Drops called out to Dr. Hoofenshmirtz as the Suds-erator began charging. “What about the convoluted backstory? You can’t commit a nefarious plot without a convoluted backstory.”
Dr. Hoofenshmirtz blinked at Agent Sweetie Drops momentarily, then facehoofed himself.
“Dah! I completely forgot the convoluted backstory!” shouted Dr. Hoofenshmirtz, hitting himself repeatedly. He shut down the Suds-erator without a second thought. “That almost turned into a disaster. Thanks for keeping me on my hooves, Agent Sweetie Drops. You are so dependable.”
“I try,” said Agent Sweetie Drops, shrugging nonchalantly.
“Nowi will turn my flank to you,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz, doing just that, “completely unaware of what you are doing, as I tell you another tragic tale of my miserable foalhood. It all started when I was a colt – “
That worked out about as well as she expected, Agent Sweetie Drops thought. Once again, the candy-coated mare casually slipped out of her cage. And while the evil pharmacist was lost reminiscing about yet about tragic memory of his terrible foalhood (seriously, some of them are messed up!), Agent Sweetie Drops walked out the front door –
- wheezing when she arrived at the spot where she left Lyra.
Just her luck that her grapnel gun would jam right outside Hoofenshmirtz’s building. She tried multiple times to hail a taxi pony, but every time they were stolen by a rude Manehatten pony that shoved her to one side. One particularly mean-spirited mare actually kicked her in the shins! Who does that?! She ended up having to run twelve city blocks to get back to Canter Park. At least she was fortunate to arrive back before Lyra finished their impromptu race.
“I sudden…have new appreciation…for Canterlot,” Agent Sweetie Drop groaned, swallowing deeply. “Ugh, I think I just had a baby barf….”
Lyra suddenly appeared on the path behind the candy-coated mare, sweating and panting but looking satisfied with herself.
“Phew, you’re really fast, Bon Bon,” Lyra complimented, wiping heer brow as she approached her date. “I didn’t even see you pass…. Who’re you?” she suddenly asked once standing in front of the mare.
Agent Sweetie drops was confused by the question at first before she realized…she forgot to take off her sunglasses! She was still in her secret agent disguise! The candy-coated mare felt a cold sweat dripping down her neck as Lyra leaned in close with a scrutinizing leer. Agent Sweetie Drops needed to think of something fast before her cover was blown!
“Er…,” Agent Sweetie Drops stammered nervously. Suddenly, she pointed her hoof behind Lyra and practically screamed, “Look! Something very interesting to distract you!”
“Something interesting?! Where?!” Lyra cried happily, spinning around. Agent Sweetie Drops swiftly removed her sunglasses, transforming back into Bon Bon before Lyra turned back around. “Oh, there you are, Bon Bon. Say, did you see a pony that looked exactly like you, but with nifty sunglasses?”
“Can’t…say that I have,” Bon Bon replied, giggling nervously. “Anyway, good race, Lyra.”
“Yeah, but I’ll get you next time,” said Lyra with a cocky grin. “Well, it wasn’t exactly a stroll through the park, but I had a pretty good time. What’ve you got up your hoof next?”
“Er, well,” Bon Bon mumbled, tapping her muzzle thoughtfully. “I think Tavi mentioned something about shopping – “
“Ooh, we should totally hit up Saddle Row!” said Lyra, enthusiastically bouncing on her hooves. “One of my co-workers visited Manehatten and he said Saddle Row is, and I quote, ‘an entire street lined with the most fashionable boutiques in all of Equestria’ or something like that.”
“I never took you for a fashionista,” said Bon Bon curiously.
“I’m not,” Lyra admitted. “I just like being able to try stuff on and not having to pay for them.”
“…dear Luna, I love you,” Bon Bon mumbled unconsciously.
“What was that?” asked Lyra, not hearing what she said.
“NOTHING!” Bon Bon yelped, spinning on her hooves and fast walking away, her face burning-red. “WELL, LET’S GET A MOVE ON! WE’RE BURNING DAYLIGHT!”
Lyra giggled behind her hoof. Bon Bon was so adorable when she was flustered.
To Bon Bon’s relief, Saddle Row was only two blocks away from Canter Park; her hooves were still sore after running from Hoofenshmirtz’s place. True to Lyra’s word, Saddle Row was a ten-block street filled with nothing but boutiques on the latest fashion trends. Bon Bon never saw the appeal in dressing up in frilly gowns or dresses you drag across the ground – most ponies didn’t even wear clothes. But she to admit that shopping with Lyra was kind of…fun.
They went from store to store, finding the most outrageous outfit they could find and daring each other to try it on. When they came out of the dressing room, they would double over in laughter and admit how stupid they looked, ignoring the evil glares from the managers. Then when it came time to leave the store, they would dump the tacky clothes on the counter, tell the clerk they weren’t buying anything, and chortle at their gobsmacked expressions. Then they went to the next shop over to do it all again.
Bon Bon and Lyra were coming out of their fifth boutique – this one specializing in Yakyakistan fashion – when Bon Bon noticed the time on a street clock and a thrill of panic crawled up her spine. It had been almost half an hour since she left Hoofenshmirtz’s place. Even his most long-winded backstory didn’t last this long! He was bound to have noticed she was gone by now!
“Er, Lyra, I need to uh…check in on my co-worker!” Bon Bon sputtered quickly. “You know, to make sure everything’s going all right. I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Are you sure?” asked Lyra hesitantly. “If you’re busy, we could always reschedule – “
“No, no, it’s perfectly fine!” said Bon Bon. “Don’t worry about it! Everything’s fine!”
“Well, if you’re sure,” said Lyra. “I’ll catch up with you later then.”
Bon Bon waited until Lyra disappeared into some shop called Rarity for You before whipping out her sunglasses, transforming into Agent Sweetie Drops. She flagged down a taxi after threating to buck his kneecaps if he even thought about ignoring her. She hopped into the cab and demanded the terrified pony to take her to –
🎵Hoofenshmirtz –
“WE HEARD IT THE FIRST TIME!” Agent Sweetie Drops snapped at the chorus.
Agent Sweetie Drops tentatively poked her head in through the front door and looked around. Dr. Hoofenshmirtz was nowhere to be seen, the cage used to hold her had been put away, and the Suds-erator was untouched. That was not a good sign. The candy-coated many closed the door behind her and tiptoed into the room –
“So glad you could join me, Agent Sweetie Drops.” The secret agent let out a startled yelp and jumped. She found Dr. Hoofenshmirtz sitting in a comfortable armchair, frowning with a glass of chocolate milk. Double not good.
“He-e-ey, doc,” said Agent Sweetie Drops, chuckling nervously. “Were you um – were you sitting there long?”
“Where were you?” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz questioned immediately. “I had just finished telling my traumatic backstory and you know what I find when I turn around? NOTHING!”
“Uh, yeah, um, sorry…?” said Agent Sweetie Drops, offering an awkward apologetic smile.
“I can’t believe you just walked out when I was in the middle of telling my convoluted backstory,” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz grumbled, taking a huge gulp of chocolate milk.
“In all fairness, you have a lot tragic backstories,” Agent Sweetie Drops remarked. “I mean, your life is absolutely terrible. Your stories are as depressing as they are comedic.”
“Well, excuse me, for wanting to share something with my most hated enemy,” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz huffed. “I can’t believe you just walked out on my convoluted backstory. That’s just as bad as missing my long-winded presentation.”
“Er…”
“You walked out on my presentation?!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz yelled. “I worked on that for hours! Why?! Why would you do this, Agent Sweetie Drops?! What could possibly more important that fighting your archenemy?!”
“Well…you see…there’s this mare I’m seeing,” said Agent Sweetie Drops awkwardly. “And I‘ve been kinda hanging out with her today….”
“A mare?” gasped Dr. Hoofenshmirtz. “Agent Sweetie Drops, are you seeing another pony?”
“In all fairness, she did ask me first,” Agent Sweetie Drops said pointedly.
“But what about our thing?” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz. “I made a diabolical plan in less than a day. I made a powerpoint presentation. I cooked a souffle just for the occasion!” he added as a timer dinged somewhere in the building. “How could you be spending time with some other pony when you’re supposed to battle your archenemy?”
“Come on, Heinrich, it’s not like we’re exclusive,” said Agent Sweetie Drops flippantly.
“You are unbelievable!” yelled Dr. Hoofenshmirtz.
“And by that, you mean completely believable?” Agent Sweetie Drops asked hopefully.
“No, I mean you’re unbelievable!” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz grumpily, jumping out of his chair. “You know what? Forget it. Diabolical plan is cancelled. If you’re not going to make an effort to be a good archenemy, why should I?”
“Aw, don’t be that way, Heinrich,” said Agent Sweetie Drops.
“I think you should go,” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz huffed.
“But – “
“I said go!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz snapped, pointing toward the door.
Agent Sweetie Drops opened her mouth, but then closed it when she realized she didn’t know what to say. Gloomily, she did as she was asked and dragged her hooves sadly toward the door. She glanced at her archenemy one last time before walking out –
- and found herself at the most pretentious boutique on Saddle Row, Rarity for You, ten minutes later. Bon Bon didn’t even acknowledge the white unicorn that greeted her from the counter and dragged herself over to the dressing rooms. She slumped onto one of the benches, staring moodily at the floor, just as the curtains pulled back to her left.
Lyra walked out wearing the most outrageous dress ever seen in ponydom with its ridiculous number of frills, lace, and copious amounts of fabric being dragged on the floor. It even came with a hat that was way too big for anyone smaller than a princess. Any other time, Bon Bon would remark how tacky the whole ensemble was, but she wasn’t in the mood for colorful commentary.
“Hey, Bon Bon, check it out,” Lyra laughed, doing a little spin. “Isn’t this the tackiest thing you’ve ever seen in your life?” One of the employees had to physically restrain the owner before she jumped Lyra. When Bon Bon didn’t comment, Lyra noticed the depressed look on her date’s face. “Hey, are you okay? What happened?”
“My…co-worker found out I was spending time with you instead of helping on our…project,” said Bon Bon miserably.
Lyra suck in a breath through her teeth, wincing sympathetically.
“Oof, that’s rough,” said Lyra. She tried to take a seat on the bench next to Bon Bon, but apparently the designer of the dress didn’t take into account that the wearer might like to sit down at some point. So remained standing and rested a hoof on Bon Bon’s shoulder. “I guess he didn’t take it very well.”
“He said I wasn’t putting in the effort to being a good…co-worker,” Bon Bon mumbled, her expression quickly turning angry. “Which isn’t fair! I’ve been working my butt off for years! Is it so bad that I might wanna spend time with somepony else for a change?!”
“No, there’s nothing wrong with that,” said Lyra compassionately.
“Then what’s his problem!” Bon Bon shouted. “You asked me first! He should understand that! I didn’t have to come all the way to Manehatten to um…help him with the project! I could’ve just stayed in Canterlot if I wanted to! But I did it anyway because we’ve been working together for a long time! He has no right to call me a bad…co-worker!”
“Well…maybe you should tell him that,” Lyra suggested.
“Huh?” muttered Bon Bon.
“Tell him how you feel,” Lyra elaborated. “It’s okay you want to do other things, but I don’t think he knows that, does he? He probably thinks your abandoning him or something. He obviously cares about your friendship or he wouldn’t be reacting this way.”
“Friendship might be a bit of a stretch…,” Bon Bon muttered quietly.
“You should go back and talk to him so you two can sort this out,” said Lyra. “You guys have been friends for years. I’d feel bad if that ended up ruined because of me.”
“But what about our da – I mean, outing?” asked Bon Bon.
“We can go out another time,” Lyra offered with a sweet smile. “Preferably something closer to home. Not that Manehatten isn’t great and all, but coming back here on a regular basis would be a pain in the flank.” She leaned forward and gave Bon Bon a quick peck on the cheek, making the mare turn red. “See you back in Canterlot.”
And with one last flirtatious wink, Lyra walked back into the changing room to get out of the ridiculous ensemble. Bon Bon felt like she was walking on a cloud. Cute, funny, and understanding. That mare was the whole package, she thought.
But she would have to fawn over the unicorn later, Bon Bon told herself. The candy-coated mare swiftly whipped out her sunglasses, switching to her Agent Sweetie Drops persona, and marched out the door back to –
🎵Hoofenshmirtz Villainous Enterprises🎵
Dr. Hoofenshmirtz sighed depressingly as he looked over his Suds-erator, contemplating whether to break it down into scrap metal. I mean, he could use it to control the entire one city area, but without an archenemy to thwart him, then what was the point?
“Maybe I can sell it to a janitor or something,” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz mumbled to himself. “Got to get my deposit back somehow.” Just then, someone knocked on the front door. “Who is it?! I’m in the middle of deep emotional turmoil!”
The front door opened a crack and Agent Sweetie Drops poked her head inside, smiling sheepishly.
“Hey, Heinrich…,” she said softly.
“Oh, it’s you,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz, turning his flank and crossing his hooves in a huff. “Shouldn’t you be spending time with your marefriend right now?”
“We kinda called it off,” Agent Sweetie Drops admitted, walking inside. “She wanted me to come back and make up with you.”
“Oh,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz, sounding surprised. “Well…that’s nice of her.”
“Yeah, she is,” said Agent Sweetie Drops, smiling softly. “Look, Heinrich, I didn’t mean to ditch you. Ly – er, this mare asked me before I even knew about your diabolical scheme. I know you were expecting me to thwart your evil plan, but I didn’t want to break it of with this mare. So I kinda…decided to do both.”
“Oh, well, that sounds stressful,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz, turning around and rubbing his neck guilty.
“It really was,” said Agent Sweetie Drops. “But I tried to make time for both of you. Because you’re both very important ponies to me. I mean, how many years have we spent trying to outsmart each other?”
“Too many to count,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz good-naturedly. “Remember that one time with the Pants-erator – “
“Only for you to realize that ponies don’t wear pants!” said Agent Sweetie Drops. The both of them shared a huge fit of laughter before the mare calmed down. “You see, we’ve been through too much to suddenly throw this dynamic away. I can’t imagine my life without hearing one of your convoluted backstories once a week.”
“I have so many of them, don’t I?” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz guffawed.
“So many!” Agent Sweetie Drops chortled. “But…the thing is, I don’t want this to be the only thing in my life. Before today, I thought I was content with just being a secret agent and fighting you. But after meeting this mare, I realized I want something more than fighting all the time. I want a real relationship, like what you had with your ex-wife.” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz looked away regretfully. “I was…kinda hoping you’d be happy for me.”
“No, no, I am happy for you, really!” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz sputtered, flailing his hooves. “It just…felt like you didn’t care about thwarting my evil schemes anymore.”
“Heinrich,” said Agent Sweetie Drops, touching the pharmacist’s shoulder. “I like this mare – I might even fall in love with her one day – but you will always be my archenemy.” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz smiled slightly at that. “How about this: We schedule our battles from now on. And if something comes up, we tell each other beforehand. Sound good.”
“Hmm…you got yourself a deal, Agent Sweetie Drops,” said Dr. Hoofenshmirtz.
The two of them shook hooves and sealed the deal with a friendly hug.
“Well, now that that’s taken care of,” said Agent Sweetie Drops as they pulled apart. “There’s only one thing left to do.”
She looked down and spotted a wrench lying on the ground in the exact spot it was yesterday. She kicked it in the air and bucked it across the room into a big red button labeled “Do Not Touch.”
“Suds-erator will now self-destruct in ten…nine…eight…,” a digitized voice announced while displaying a countdown on the giant monitor next to the button.
“…Seriously, why do I keep putting self-destruct buttons in all my -erators?” Dr. Hoofenshmirtz asked himself.
Agent Sweetie Drops leaped and rolled to the building balcony where she launched her now-functioning grapnel gun at the building across the street. She swung away in a dramatic fashion as Dr. Hoofenshmirtz cursed her name:
“CURSE YOU, AGENT SWEETIE DROPS!!!”
BOOM!!!