"Don’t fuck with Malrick okay? Trust me on this, the last time I did is when I replaced the milk for his cereal with glue and he ripped me three new assholes. I am still recovering from the horrific experience and I am currently undertaking intense therapy to deal with the physical and mental trauma from the extreme ass ripping I have endured. Do you even know what it’s like when trying to take a shit when you have three additional-
[The rest of the verse is redacted for obvious reasons]"
— The Bible 2.0, verse 18’4;3A
Malrick was walking around the crowded halls of Comic-Con. He wasn’t normally the one to attend social gatherings but he wanted to try everything least once in his immortal life, so he begrudgingly went. It wasn’t that Comic-Con was bad by any means, Malrick enjoyed it so far, it’s just that when Malrick goes to any social event, things usually go downhill.
Now I know what you’re (probably not) thinking: "Comic-Con? He’s in Comic-Con? Does that mean he can go to our world? Do I have to live in constant fear hoping he doesn’t find me so I don’t experience what the dude in the totally real Bible verse described?"
Well, no, he’s not in the Comic-Con you’re thinking of. It’s more of an interdimensional demiplane Comic-Con which doesn’t really have any humans, (however, there are angels, demons, and the like), but yes, he can traverse to your reality if he ever feels like it.
So have fun sleeping tonight!
Anyways, Malrick was perusing the merch stands, seeing if anything was catching his interest. But alas, when you’ve lived for hundreds of years, nothing ever seems new to you.
"*Sigh* I should probably head back to Equestria right now. I already went to a few panels, got some more books, and I even got to meet the author of ‘Two Kick Dude’... Looking at the stalls, there isn’t anything I want right now.. well, except for one thing."
What Malrick was talking about was the Staff of Black Souls needed to complete his cosplay of the lich lord Shakas-Hamn. He still has the staff with him right now, but it isn’t the genuine one which means yes, all of his "props" are the real deal magical items and with the combination of a few polymorph spells, Malrick has now become one of the best cosplayers in the multiverse.
But why is is cosplaying on his first trip to Comic-Con?
Because he’s going to show up in fucking style that’s why.
However, whether it was by fate or cliche, Malrick just so happened to spot the staff he needed on a table near merch stand. Although he was initially very confused because he could sense the magical essence from the staff and could tell it was the real deal, which is very suspicious considering that there was only one copy of that staff in the entirety of the multiverse...
Meh, that’ll be a problem for future Malrick, and present Malrick gives zero fucks for future Malrick.
When he walked towards the stand, he noticed that the person operating the stand was selling a whole bunch of random stuff. This stuff included masks, swords, different trinkets, and other things that belong to your favorite pop culture characters. What peaked Malrick’s interest however was the fact that each item had some kind of magic radiating off of it. The magic that was laced in the many objects were a combination of transmutative, dimensional-shifting, and a bit of mind magic. Needless to say, Malrick was interested even further and decided to ask the man running the stall.
Speaking of which, the man who was running the stall had a large cloak on which was heavily obscuring his form. Almost no part of his body was visible, not even his face as the cloak covered his head so well that looking at the open part of his hood was like staring into an endless abyss. The only part of his body that showed skin was his hands, which were long and thin like a skeleton’s.
That’s pretty sus.
Malrick just shrugged and walked up to the merch stand.
"Hello good sir! I was wandering around, looking at these stalls, when I suddenly came up upon yours. I am very curious about all of these items you have in your possession and was wondering how you got them?" Malrick inquired.
"Well... I’m sure someone like you knows that I can’t reveal all of my trade secrets, but I will tell you that I get these items through... special means." the man behind the stall eerily replied.
"Vague answer, not a good sign..." Malrick thought. Most people by this point would’ve left, but Malrick curiosity grew even further from this... Merchant and decided to play along for now.
"Well, I came here because I was so interested in that staff." Malrick said as he pointed to the item in question.
"Ahh, the Staff of Black Souls. A very good choice indeed."
"How much is it?"
"800 gold pieces."
"... That’s pretty cheap for a legendary magical item... I’m getting serious ‘bad guy’ vibes from you, but sure, okay, I guess."
After Malrick paid the Merchant in full, he gave Malrick the staff. Malrick was pretty satisfied and twirled around his newfound staff.
"... Okay, now what?"
"Have fun!" the Merchant said creepily and cryptically.
"Wait, what the heck are you-"
But Malrick couldn’t even finish his sentence as suddenly, a bright, white light took over his vision as he felt himself falling.
"DAMN YOU PAST MALRICKKK!!!"
---
"Ugh, where am I?" I said as I slowly got up from the floor. I also noticed I sounded more hoarse and looked at my hands. They were gray and rotten, just like Shakas-Hamn’s. I looked around and saw the Everfree forest surrounding me. "Great, I’m not only Shakhas-Hamn, but I got displaced to Equestria by the merch-"
"Did you actually think that would work?"
Ha ha, fake out :).
The Merchant slowly turned around and saw that Malrick was standing right in front of him in his usual crimson robe atire with his wood sandals on his feet and his sword and spellbook on his sides.
And he looked pissed.
"W-What?! How did you come back? You were supposed to turn into Sharkas-Hamn and be displaced to Equestria!" the Merchant said while slowly walking backwards.
Malrick slowly walked forwards while he was seething in rage, "Well listen here old man, cause’ you forgot three very important pieces of information about me: 1. I am a master of planar traveling and polymorph spells, and even in a different form I can still cast them perfectly, 2. I currently live in Equestria already you fool, and 3. I’m Malrick Roscuro," Malrick snarled as red lightning came out of his hands, "and do you know what happens to those who anger Malrick Roscuro?"
"Um... perhaps I can interest you in some other items?" the Merchant said fearfully.
Malrick yelled out in rage and charged.
---
Unfortunately, I cannot describe what transpired within the next ten or so minutes because if I did, I would have to add the "Gore" and possibly "Horror" tag to this fic, so I’ll do my best to explain what happened using several key words.
Malrick, Merchant, blood (the Merchant’s of course), broken bones (especially around the facial area), fire, lightning, punches (a lot of punches), and the phrase "ripped him several new ones".
The various entities that attended Comic-Con that day watched this massacre from Malrick upon this old man with very little care. Many of them knew Malrick and the consequences of angering him, but a select few of them knew the Merchant and his trickery and were pretty happy seeing the beating the old man deserved.
A couple of the newbies wanted to try and intervene but the more experienced veterans held them back and told them not to, because when someone tries to stop Malrick’s mayhem, they become part of Malrick’s mayhem, and nobody wanted to endure what the Merchant was dealing with right now.
Eventually, Malrick got bored beating up what was essentially a punching bag and stood up as he brushed some dust off his robes.
"Welp, now I’m satisfied! Thanks for the stress relief though, I really needed it. You won’t mind if I take some of your things right?"
The Merchant didn’t respond because he was knocked out cold from Malrick’s brutal attack.
"... Thanks!"
Malrick got all of the Merchant’s wares and put them in a cardboard box he just conjured up. After he hauled all of his loot, he snapped a finger and a bright flash of scintillating light erupted from where Malrick once stood. The onlookers had to avert their eyes from the light and after a few seconds, the light faded. Where Malrick once stood, a scorch mark took his place. The various creature that attended Comic-Con started for a few more seconds before continuing their day as it nothing happened.
Things like this happen all the time in Comic-Con.