//------------------------------// // The prophesy of a thousand prophesies // Story: Socks and Sandals: The Destroyer of Worlds // by Inspectah Dash //------------------------------// "So where exactly are we going?" asked Blazer. They were walking through an underground cave system, but it seemed like Crystal Ball had little knowledge of where they were going. They'd already passed a few corridors twice, and Smarty Pants was regretting coming along. "Well, it's good to know this was a huge waste of time." She said. "Maybe if you quit complaining, we'd be there already." Blazer noted. "For one, there's no correlation between my complaining and our predicament." Smarty said smugly, while Blazer moved his mouth in a mocking fashion. "And secondly, I didn't want to come here in the first place." "Then why did you come along? No one's forcing you to stay, Bitchy Pants." Blazer said with a grin. She glared at him, hoping her stare would make his face melt away. They'd been arguing the entire walk, but everyone else found the bickering too amusing to stop them. "Besides, if there's something we need to see, then where the hell is it?" "We have arrived." Crystal Ball said simply. In front of them was a very large wooden door. It was too large for ponies to push open, and there were no visible buttons or levers. There were inscriptions on both sides and 8 large glyphs that ran up the door. "How are we gonna get in there?" Flaming Hooves asked. "This is the door that protects the inside chamber from invaders and bandits. The words on the door say that only the ponies with noble intentions may enter." Crystal Ball told them. "It can only be opened by saying the ritual poem of the first ponies who came to this land thousands of years ago. I can attempt the ritual poem, but I am not sure it will work. I warn you to step back." Crystal Ball said, as the other ponies got a few steps away from her. Crystal Ball walked closer to the door and bowed her head. Her eyes began to glow, and she was lifted into the air. She searched her mind for the poem. "Great door of greatness, I have your ritual and wish to enter your chamber." The door's glyphs glowed faintly. The others looked in awe, as Crystal Ball began the ritual poem. "Now I aint' sayin' she's a gold digger. But she aint' messin' with no broke niggas." The other ponies looked at each other in disbelief, and a few even facehoofed. "Now I aint' sayin' she's a gold digger. But she aint' messin' with no broke niggas." The glyphs started to glow brightly. "Get down girl, go 'head, get down. Get down girl, go 'head, get down. Get down girl, go 'head, get down. Get down girl, go 'head, get down." Crystal Ball then fell onto the ground, and the glyphs glowed brighter than before. The door made a few loud noises, before slowly opening up to them. Crystal Ball got to her hooves, and the group of ponies walked into a huge chamber lined with magical torches and artifacts. They all looked in amazement at the artwork painted on the walls and ceiling. Crystal Ball, however, had her eyes on something at the back wall of the room. The other ponies finished admiring the chamber itself, and were now looking at what Crystal Ball was staring at. No, not staring. Reading. The back wall of the chamber was covered in ancient letters. "So what are we looking at right now?" Smarty Pants asked. "The prophesy of a thousand prophesies." _ _ _ _ _ _ _ While Pinkie bounced around in search of Rainbow Dash, the fate of Ponyville was soon to be decided. Braveheart's militia was massing on their side of the bridge into Ponyville. Everypony knew it was only a matter of time before the animals found out about their ambassador being kicked into a river. The militia ponies got into formation and prepared for the worst. About half an hour after they'd assembled, the militia ponies could hear noises coming in the distance. They couldn't pinpoint the noise because there were so many of them. Over the hill on the other side of the bridge, Braveheart could see the animals' army coming closer to Ponyville. There were gorillas, kangaroos, alligators, eagles, and hundreds of other animals coming towards them. Among them was their leader, Donkey Kong, carrying a spear. When the animals reached the bridge, Donkey Kong called over to Braveheart, who was standing at the front of his militia. Fluttershy was hiding under the bridge, and peeked out to translate. "He said you have one last chance to surrender peacefully." "We aren't surrendering. We made that pretty clear to your delegate." The animals began to get angry, but Donkey Kong just sighed and said something in Gorilla. "He says, so be it." Fluttershy said, hiding back under the bridge. Donkey Kong yelled something to his troops and turned back towards the bridge, ready to attack. "Alright boys and girls, this is what it comes down to. We have to hold this position. They cannot take over this town. Whatever it takes, we will hold the line." Braveheart said to his militia. "For Ponyville!" He yelled. "FOR PONYVILLE!" Yelled the militia. Donkey Kong yelled a few more words before leading his army to charge the ponies. Braveheart readied himself as the animals got closer, and closer, and closer. When the animals had reached the Ponyville side of the bridge, hundreds of ponies armed with spears clashed with teeth and claws. Ponies and critters alike were falling left and right. Braveheart and Donkey Kong were fighting amongst their troops as well. This wasn't strategic warfare, it was chaos. No side seemed to be winning, but both sides were losing soldiers. It was hell on Earth, and the battle seemed to last forever. Both Braveheart and Donkey Kong fought with great skill, making short work of any enemies that confronted them. Braveheart was getting exhausted, and found a small area in the midst of the fighting where he could catch his breath. Looking up, he found himself face-to-face with Donkey Kong, who had also found the small area and was catching his breath. The two simply stared at each other for a moment before realizing what had to be done. Both leaders steadied themselves and prepared to fight. Braveheart threw aside his spear, and stood on his back hooves. Braveheart and Donkey Kong bowed to each other. This had to be an honorable fight, and they knew only one of them was leaving this battle with their lives. Braveheart and Donkey Kong stopped bowing and got into fighting stances. "You and me, buddy." Braveheart said. "Let's dance." _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Pinkie Pie had arrived at Rainbow Dash's house. It was about 7:00 and daylight was starting to dim. Pinkie knew if they wanted to see the battle, they'd have to get there as soon as possible. "Rainbow Dash. Come on, there's a war going on, and we're gonna miss it." Pinkie yelled into the air at the cloud house above. Rainbow trotted to the edge of the cloud and looked down at her Pink friend. "Oh hi Pinkie. It's a little late for pranks today, isn't it?" The blue pegasus asked. "I'm not talking about pranks, silly. There's an epic battle in Ponyville between some ponies and some animals that want to rebel against Ponykind. It's gonna decide the fate of Ponyville, and we won't be there to see it." Pinkie said. Rainbow Dash stared at her for a second and dove towards the ground, slowing down and landing in front of Pinkie. "Pinkie, what are you talking about?" "There's some really cool stuff we're about to miss." Pinkie pointed a hoof in the direction of Ponyville, where they could see smoke rising from several places. Rainbow looked at Ponyville, but was more surprised at what was on Pinkie's outstretched hoof. Her eyes widened at seeing not just a sock, but a sandal. "Pinkie, what are you wearing?" Rainbow Dash asked, cringing back. "Socks and sandals. I liked them before, but I'm starting to think they're causing mass hysteria." Pinkie said. "So are we gonna watch that fight or what?" "Pinkie, I am not going anywhere with those things." Rainbow Dash said before speeding off. "Wait, Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie yelled. Rainbow flew away to a secluded field a mile away. "Whew. I think I lost her." "Hi, Dashie." Came a cheery voice from behind her. Rainbow sped off again further from Pinkie Pie. Rainbow arrived at a tall hill a few miles from Ponyville. Pinkie had chased Rainbow countless times before, and she knew hiding was futile. Pinkie would just teleport or something. Rainbow Dash looked around for any sign of Pinkie Pie. There were none. Rainbow breathed a sight of relief, before noticing that the rock she was sitting on was lifting off the ground. She looked down, and under the rock was Pinkie Pie. "Dashie, stop fooling around. We have a war to watch." Rainbow Dash flew away. She knew that Pinkie would just find her hiding spot, but she didn't want to spend one minute around Pinkie's abominable hoof-wear. So she just flew away and just kept flying, faster, and faster, and faster, and faster, and... BOOM Rainbow was too busy trying to get away to notice there was a mach cone forming around her. The mach cone had sharpened until she broke the sound barrier, creating a sonic rainboom that could be seen for miles. Pinkie's jaw dropped, gaping at the beautiful explosion of colors. Rainbow couldn't help but smile a little at another sonic rainboom. That expression of joy and pride was replaced with horror as she realized where she was heading towards. When she did sonic rainbooms before, she noticed it was difficult to steer sharply. At this moment, Rainbow noticed she was heading straight for Ponyville, and she knew there wasn't enough time to steer. Rainbow Dash braced for impact. Pinkie watched as the rainbow trail made a path in the sky, leading to town. After a moment, Pinkie saw a rainbow-colored mushroom cloud coming from the direction of Ponyville. "Wow Dashie, that was amazing! Hold on, I'll be there in a minute." Pinkie yelled in the direction of town, thinking it was part of Dash's new trick. Pinkie Pie hopped back to Ponyville. She knew the battle had probably already started, and she didn't want to miss the finale. _ _ _ _ _ _ _10 minutes earlier_ _ _ _ _ _ _ Braveheart and Donkey Kong rushed towards each other, focusing on the other's weak points. Donkey Kong took a swing for Braveheart's head, but he ducked before it made impact. Braveheart bucked his opponent in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Donkey Kong got to his feet and grabbed Braveheart, easily throwing him through the air. Braveheart landed on his back with a thud, and was about to get up before Donkey Kong punched him back down. Braveheart looked for a way out of his situation and noticed a fruit cart rolling down a hill towards them. Donkey Kong grabbed him by the neck and lifted him up into the air. The gorilla made motions with his hands. Braveheart had learned basic sign language and knew Donkey Kong was asking if he had any last words. "Yeah, I do." Braveheart said. Donkey Kong waited with a raised eyebrow. "Fuck off." He said before kicking the gorilla in his face. Donkey Kong stumbled back a few feet, and prepared to charge at Braveheart, until the runaway fruit cart hit him in the side. Donkey Kong was knocked onto his back by the fruit cart, and found it too hard to get up again. Looking around, he saw Braveheart walking towards him. He didn't have time to react before he felt a hoof slam against his throat. Knowing he had been defeated, he wanted to be defeated with honor. Donkey Kong closed his eyes and bowed his head to Braveheart, who was wondering what he should do. In front of him was an unarmed creature who's already accepted defeat, even if it was his enemy. Braveheart sighed and brought his hoof off Donkey Kong's neck. Donkey Kong opened his eye's to see Braveheart walking away. He knew his life had been spared. BOOM A loud explosion was heard and a blinding flash made the battle all but cease. Every Pony and animal looked up into the sky with dropped jaws at the spectacle before them. A multicolored mushroom cloud had risen from further into town. Braveheart glanced back to a surprised Donkey Kong, who was equally confused. A rumbling was heard as a large wall of rainbow colored dust and debris rushed towards them. Braveheart bowed to Donkey Kong, who he saw was still on the ground. Then, all he saw was rainbow. _ _ _ _ _ _ _10 minutes earlier_ _ _ _ _ _ _ "The prophesy of a thousand prophesies?" Blazer asked. "Who makes these stupid names?" "The wise ones." Crystal Ball said simply. "Then the wise ones are stupid." "Look, can we just read the prophecy and go please?" Smarty Pants asked irritably. The other ponies rolled their eyes. Even her own science team thought she was a bitch. "If you wish haste, I will be quick." Crystal Ball stated. The wall in front of them was covered in ancient writing and pictures of events lined the wall. "In the days of old, there were three kings: Gavinoff, Mr Bad, and Babalabalu. Gavinoff was the king of trolling. He was only slightly insane and would mess with ponies in every part of the land. Mr Bad tried to be the king of evil, but because of his name and high pitched voice, he was never taken seriously as an evil genius. Babalabalu was the actual king of evil. He brought plagues to the land, pillaged towns, and raped exactly sixteen griffons a day. The other two kings agreed that Babalabalu was a total dick, and they held a summit to decide what to do with him. Mr Bad wanted to send him a basket full of puppies. Gavinoff suggested busting a cap in his bitch ass. Gavinoff had the more favorable approach, and it was only a matter of time before war was waged on Babalabalu. With a low budget, Babalabalu could barely afford rent. There was no way he could raise an army fast enough. In an act of desperation, he decided to go into hiding. There were few places he could hide, so Babalabalu made the final decision to keep his evil energy in certain inanimate objects, so some pony would come along later and release his cruel spirit. Those objects were socks and sandals." "Just like the dying pony said." Chief Flaming Hooves noted. "Yes. But there is more. It says when the socks' and sandals' power is unleashed, nothing will be spared and all will suck. However, there is the chosen one; the one who is immune to the power of Babalabalu's spirit. The chosen one can harness their own true power and use it to defeat the Socks and Sandals. If the chosen one fails, darkness will descend on the land for exactly 517 years, 339 days, 7 hours, 42 minutes, and 38 seconds." Crystal Ball finished reading. "So we just need to find the chosen one. Cool, who does it say the chosen one is?" Blazer asked. "It does not say." "Oh great. Well then, I can see this was a waste of my time. Why did you even bring me here?" Smarty Pants asked. "Well, we thought we'd need your scientific expertise. But it seems like all we got was your expertise on pissing us off." Blazer replied. Flaming Hooves sighed. "Look, we'll figure out who the chosen one is in time. How long do we have until Babalabalu does a bunch of bad stuff to Equestria?" "It does not say, but I believe we should return to the surface to..." BOOM Crystal Ball was interrupted by a loud explosion topside, followed by the walls shaking all around them. "We are already too late." Crystal Ball said, shaking her head. "Does this mean we're gonna get raped?" asked Blazer. "Yes. Yes it does." She replied. "Damn it."