//------------------------------// // 7: She's A Mania-c // Story: Guardian of Forever (And Equestria Too, I Guess) // by Akouma //------------------------------// "Okay," Twilight said with an exasperated sigh. Her hooves clacked against the deck as they came back down. "What ways are there of getting more Mania? And where's the ethics problem?" "Four known ways, only three of which I can personally use." Mason held up his front hooves and unclasped both claws, counting off as he went. The actuators in the fingers on the left claw stuck a bit as they moved. Rainbow had roughed them up worse than he realized. "First, resting. Most geniuses just sort of generate Mania over time, and being inactive from things like sleeping lets it build up a little. This is incredibly inefficient, because on any given day I will almost certainly use more Mania than I woke up with. Keeping Chip powered reliably takes more than that unless I go the entire day without needing to speak, read, or write in….[1] Well that's just awful.[2] Unless I don't need to speak, read, or write in Ponish." - [1]Ponish. [2]I know! "Okay, so we need something better than that, then. What else is there?" He held up the next finger on his claw. "Studying, theorizing, planning. Generally doing what a laypony would think of as performatively 'doing science.'" Mason paused a moment. "Emphasis on 'performatively.' I can just write a series of numbers on a chalkboard and as long as it feels like science, it sparks the same pathways. It's how I've been getting by since you gave me access to your lab. That generates quite a bit, but has risks." "Such as?" "Remember how I explained that Pinkie is an Unmada? And that Unmada are Geniuses so far gone from Mania that reality warps around them? Do too much research in a day as a Genius and you might become one. The more you think about all the possibilities you're researching, the more likely you are to submerge in it. You see some connection somewhere that is clearly just in your head, refuse to let it go, then suddenly boom, reality's bent. Before I came here, the closest I let myself get was reading a medical journal for an hour and a half." "And after coming here?" Twilight asked with a slight hesitation. "Three hours of calculations a day. It's a miracle I haven't already turned." "In your estimation, how bad would it be if you did?" "Let me think about it," Mason said slowly. "I haven't reevaluated that in a long time." "If you need to mull that one over, we can come back to it." Twilight's horn lit up, and a he heard a drawer somewhere outside his view slide open. A half-filled scroll floated into sight, and Twilight began writing something Mason couldn't quite parse from his angle.[3] - [3]It's hard to translate when you don't have a clear view, but I think it's observations about Geniuses. "Twilight, are you studying me?" She didn't even look up as she continued writing. "Your presence is probably the most scientifically interesting thing I have going on lately, so yes. Normally I write things down after our conversations, but we have a moment. Have you finished thinking about this whole Unmada thing?" "Well, I'll say that before I met Pinkie I generally considered that a fate worse than death. Now I consider it a ninety-nine point nine percent chance of a fate worse than death." He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. It was starting to feel like a therapy chair, and that wasn't why he was here. Twilight looked back up at him, and grimaced. The quill kept writing. "You think you would rather die than have that happen to you?" "Becoming a Genius fundamentally changes who you are. Becoming an Unmada effectively buries anything that was left. From what she's told me about herself, Pinkie was no exception there. It's just that she's the rare Genius who's happier being rid of what she's left behind." "Okay, this is clearly a whole other debate. You want to avoid this, I can understand why even if the details are a little vague, and we can talk more about it later. What else is there?" "The other two are pretty unethical." "You did say you were running out of 'ethical ways,' yes." "The last one I can do without becoming an Unmada is weird. Basically, if you rant and rave about your plans and how the world should be to an unwilling or captive audience, you get a nice rush of Mania. Since you're letting the crazy side in to do that, you always risk becoming an Unmada doing it, and even if you're not holding ponies literally hostage it tends to make them uncomfortable." "You haven't done this to anypony since coming here, right?"[4] Twilight asked, a note of disapproval in her voice. - [4]Oh, that's a yikes. "I may have done that once since the accident. Didn't capture anypony, but definitely gave the magic specialist who referred me to you an earful. He's fine, I think. Doubt I gave him more than a brief scare because he realized he was talking to a crazy person.[5] Oh, sue me if you care that much Chip.[6] Anyway, he should be fine." - [5]Po– [6]Hmph. "Mason, I appreciate that you haven't kidnapped anypony, but that's a really low bar to clear and you only barely crossed it. Please refrain from doing that. What's the last one?" "You are way too okay with this and I'm starting to worry that you're becoming jaded to all the horrible things you keep learning about me." "Maybe a little, but I can't change it, nopony got hurt, and I can keep an eye on you while you're living under my roof. Besides, if we're being honest I've forgiven ponies for a lot worse than yelling at a doctor. Anyway, you said there were four options?" "So, the fourth option is only available to Unmada, and is one of the main reasons they tend to be scary to other Geniuses. If an Unmada destroys something that doesn't gel with their worldview, they get a rush of Mania out of making the world closer to their vision." "That's… ominous," Twilight said quietly. "It's strange to me that I've never seen Pinkie really do anything like that if she's an Unmada." "Pinkie is also a good pony who seems to have respect for other peo– ponies' property, if not always their boundaries. Honestly, she just might be accepting enough of other ponies' lives and ways that she never finds anything suitable to destroy. Regardless, even if you were okay with me running around destroying things that annoy me for a quick high, I can't do it. You have to be really deeply immersed in Mania before you can get anywhere with it." "For the record, I am definitely not okay with you running around destroying anything that annoys you." "I would be concerned if you were, frankly." "Mason, based on what you've seen her do, would the things Pinkie does on a day to day take more Mania than she'd generate over time?" "The swirling fields of madness surrounding Unmada usually take so much Mania to maintain that resting is a net loss for most of them, actually. For one as powerful as Pinkie, I can't imagine how much Mania it must take. I could reasonably triangulate where she is anywhere in town with how strong the field is." "Have you asked here what her source is, then?[7] Because I assure you, she doesn't ever run out of Mania. I'm not a Genius and even I can tell that one for sure." - [7]I hate to admit it, but I think Twilight might be smarter than me. I never thought of that. If she's even potentially smarter than me, then she's definitely smarter than you, by the way. "Twilight, have you ever had someone asking you a question so obvious that you realise how stupid you are? Because I'm seriously questioning the veracity of calling myself a 'Genius' right now." "I'll take that as a no, then?" Mason had been inside of Pinkie's home before, but never during the day when it doubled as a business. Nor had he met the actual owners of the establishment. The small front space was packed with happy looking ponies having a variety of sweets from pastries to milkshakes. He had no small amount of difficulty making it to the front counter through the throng. A kindly blue mare with a pink mane turned  to him as he got there. By the apron covered in flour, Mason assumed she was one of the proprietors. "Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! Haven't seen you around before. Can I get you anything, dearie?" "I'm uh, actually looking for Pinkie Pie. Is she arou–" A blur of pink shot out through a pair of saloon doors behind the counter, coming to an equally sudden halt uncomfortably close in front of Mason to reveal the mare in question. "Whatcha need, Mason?" He took a half step back to regain his personal space. "Needed to ask you about a couple things." "Is it an emergency?" Mason shook his head. Pinkie turned to the other mare next to them. "Mrs. Cake, would it be alright if Mason came back to the kitchen with me? If I stop cooking, we'll run out of muffins at this rate!" "Oh, that'd be fine, Pinkie!" The blue mare waved vaguely at the kitchen doors before turning back to another customer. Mason quickly found himself being led by the forehoof through the doorway Pinkie had sprang from. Almost too fast for the eye to catch, she placed a pair of gold coins[8] on the counter as she passed, and took a tasty looking muffin from the display case. As Mason opened his mouth to ask if they made her pay for food she helped them make, the pastry was jammed into it. - [8]They still trade in gold, apparently. That's real, by the way. Solid, not plated, too. "It's good, right?" It was probably the tastiest thing he'd had since arriving in this dimension. He nodded as he swallowed. Whatever it was made of, it was dense. He felt like he'd eaten a whole satisfying breakfast in just one big bite. "They're a real hit today!" Pinkie rambled on as she went about stirring at a mixing bowl. "I tried changing the recipe a little. Just a pinch of extra sugar since most of our customers like 'em sweeter." She poured the batter into a tray with a dozen holes for muffins or cupcakes. "A pinch of cinnamon swirl running through it, mostly to look pretty when you bite it half." The tray went into the oven, and she began preparing another batch. "My mix is a bit more floury than you might be used to. That's why it's so thick." The first few wet ingredients went in. Pinkie held the bowl in both forehooves, and somehow whisked the concoction with her mane. "And of course," she said cheerily as the dry ingredients began to get tossed in, "every batch is made with love!" As she finished her sentence, she kissed the outside of the mixing bowl gently. Mason felt a torrent of Mania flow into it. "Pinkie, are you feeding Mania-infused baked goods to ponies?"[9] - [9]So uh, what's your bet on how many Beholden live in Ponyville? Seems unfair for Twilight to throw a tantrum over one at that point.[A] [A]I'm pretty sure any Mania in these is probably diluted enough that it barely registers unless you're sensitive to it. Pinkie poured out the newly finished batch into the next tray. "Uh-huh! Every one is delicious, nutritious, and gives ponies the energy they need to start their day!" "Well that's nice. Ponies can handle the Mania in them, right?" "Haven't had a problem since I moved here." Pinkie's voice came out a little muffled as she managed to speak while carrying the muffin tray in her mouth towards the oven. "Well, there was that one time Applejack[10] messed up the recipe. But that's it. What did you want to talk about?" - [10]The orange one. With the hat. Also you probably can't tell this when I'm translating for you but she has a very folksy accent. "Where do you get all your Mania from?" Mason asked bluntly. He reared up on his hindhooves, draping his forelegs over the kitchen island behind him. "I've never seen you do anything that generates it, but you're constantly doing things that require it. By my calculations, you simply have to have an external source. I'm burning through a lot of Mania, and I could really use some tips from somepony who obviously gets by just fine." Pinkie frowned slightly and shrugged. "Weeeeeeeeell, I don't think what I do about it would really be good for you." "Why not?" "I do a few different things to get the ol' creative juices flowin'," she said as she matched Mason's pose on the counter across from him. "If I just need to have something to do while I think about things, I bake! Measuring out ingredients helps me imagine what I'll need for an invention,[11] even if the result isn't always so tasty. Hinge oil is not something you want to have to wash out of your mixing bowl." - [11]Oh, baking is how she studies. That's so cute! "Baking with you sounds like it could be a lot of fun, actually." "Aw, glad you think so! But, honestly? I don't think it would help you like it does for me. You don't seem like much of a baker." "You're not wrong. We could do that for fun though. Want some help while we're in here?" "The ingredients in here are for the Cakes to make stuff to sell, so no baking for fun right now. And Mrs. Cake would probably feel bad if you made her something to sell without getting paid. Just let your pal Pinkie handle things in here! "Anyway, when I used to put on my Element of Harmony[12] I'd get a jolt of magic. After a while sitting in my system I'd feel all juiced up,[13] but the Elements are in the Everfree Forest[14] now and really need to stay there. We'd be overrun with rampaging Plundervines[15] if we took them back." - [12]Some kind of magic or religious artifact or something. [13]By implication, this would mean Pinkie's also one of those weirdos who can convert any supernatural energy source to Mania because why not I guess. How did this girl hit the Genius lottery this hard? [14]That's a nearby landmark. Despite the nice-sounding name based on connotation it's all kinds of evil. [15]Local fauna of the evil forest. "So what do you do for Mania now?" "Oh, the Element was easy come easy go. The main way I get the ol' think-rock goin' is by making ponies smile!"[16] - [16]What. "What?" "What?" Pinkie asked. "What's weird about that?" Mason pushed off the island behind him, returning to a normal standing position. "I've absolutely never heard of any Genius getting Mania from helping ponies. My world would probably be a much better place if we knew that was an option." "I don't think it'd work for you." "Why not?" "Just a hunch. Got a twinge in my left ankle about it. Means something isn't going to work.[17] Besides, I can always just give you more." - [17]Sounds like an effect of her Unmada field or something? Maybe a weird invention she did to herself? Hard to say. "Wait, you'd just give me Mania? Just like that? No catch?" "Yeah, silly! We're friends!" In a flash, Pinkie was by his side instead of across from him, giving him a light slap on the back. At the touch, he felt the electric charge of Mania flow into his mind. While it was still ultimately the same energy, Pinkie's Mania felt different somehow. It felt livelier, more creative than analytic when it lit up thoughts in his mind. Likely a side effect of being converted from its original magical state. If ponies got to feel this flow all the time, he was a little jealous. "Gotta say," Mason said with a chuckle, "I appreciate how much easier life seems to be in Equestria sometimes." "Is it? Don't know what your world is like, but life here isn't as easy as you might think. I have to save the world from some meanie powerful enough to destroy existence once every like, three months."[18] - [18]Wait wh– The Clockstopper regarded his hosts' daughter from across their dining room table. He gingerly put down the quill pen he'd been practicing with next to his sheet of parchment covered in what he understood to be their alphabet. "Renowned skill?" he said in broken but confident Ponish. "That is what?" The little filly gave him a shocked look. "That's 'special talent,' silly! It's what you're best at! What your cutie mark is for! You have a cutie mark, so you have to have a special talent!" She pointed at his rump, where the picture of a broken clock was. "How do you not know what a cutie mark is?" He gave a pleasant laugh, reached over the table, and gently tousled her hair. "Am seeing. Apologizing if expressing this is I am poorly, but what for me is best is ceasing learning from being the badness." "You… stop ponies from learning?" "I am to ensuring that ponies correct the learning." "So, you're like a teacher then? What do you teach?" "I would with happy give the learning, small friend."