//------------------------------// // Lesson 1: Please Do Not Cast Spells While Sleep Deprived // Story: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Waahg! // by conkersbadfurday //------------------------------// The entire Equestrian map pulsed with an even, white light that filled the spacious throne room and all but blinded the six ponies sitting round it. From Manehatten in the northeast to the San Palomino Desert in the southwest, not an inch of Equestria was free of danger. Twilight Sparkle gestured at it with an awkward, full-body movement, and Applejack had to reach over to steady her. The Princess of Friendship wore thick bags under her eyes. Her cutie mark glowed in time with the map. “It’s not a friendship problem but an entire friendship crisis!” she cried. “We know, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said from her end of the table. She glanced at her own, glowing cutie mark. “We’ve been flashing for a week now. I think the map is just broken.” “The map cannot be broken!” “Have you slept at all, hun?” Rarity asked. “You look … not well.” Twilight slammed her hoof onto the table. “There’s no time for sleep! We’re in the middle of a friendship crisis!” “You can’t solve every problem with brute force,” Applejack said. “Remember what happened last time?” Five of the six ponies nodded at that. Fluttershy’s ears fell, though Pinkie Pie offered a giggle. Spike wandered into the room, the scales on his head bent askew, his body covered in yellow and orange paint. He wore sunglasses and carried a trey of coffees for everypony. Rarity cocked an eyebrow as the little dragon quietly handed out the drinks and left. “You really need to get some sleep, Twi,” Rainbow Dash said. “Like, really really.” Twilight jumped onto the map, slipped, and righted herself with an awkward flap of her wings. Her face burst into a smile that was both triumphant and crooked. “That’s where you’re wrong, Rainbow Dash. And why I called you all here.” “Uh oh,” Apple Jack said. “Here here!” Pinkie Pie cheered with a short hop. “I devised a new spell this morning,” Twilight continued, walking over the glowing map. Her body cast an eerie shadow over Equestria. “Did you all bring what I asked?” Applejack looked at everypony in equal parts worry and defeat. “Sure, but maybe we should wait until tomorrow. After you’ve slept.” “Nonsense!” Twilight offered the map another stomp. “Spike,” she called. “Bring the bucket!” “Bucket?” Rarity asked. With a mirrored look of defeat, and still covered in glops of yellow and orange paint, Spike dragged a large, beat-up tin bucket into the throne room. He handed it over, yawned, and left without saying a word. “Sugarcube,” Applejack said, “This is getting ridiculous. We need to—” “This is a magic bucket!” Twilight said. “It’s got dirt from every country in Equestria.” “Even the Crystal Empire?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Because I don’t think there’s dirt there.” “Oh there’s dirt there!” Twilight grabbed the bucket and hugged it close. “I then cast every spell of finding I know, and a few I don’t.” She laughed. “Did you know there are books in Cellestia’s library she doesn’t want me to read? Did you know I found a way to check them out? It’s not breaking the rules if you’re a librarian!” “You’re not a librarian,” Fluttershy whispered. “Yes I am!” Twilight held out the bucket. “Everypony, put your items in. Remember, it has to represent what you think this friendship problem is. The more we desire, the better the bucket will search!” “This is a bad idea,” Applejack said. She shook her head, but when Twilight thrust the beat-up piece of tin into her face, the orange pony dropped a guitar pick inside. “Songs are soothing. Maybe that’s the answer.” “Here,” Rainbow Dash said. She threw a copy of Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone, at Twilight, who caught it with a quick dash of magic. “Daring Do had to find treasure in this one, and maybe that’ll help.” “I also think this is a bad idea,” Rarity said before dropping in a rock. “A rock?” Applejack scowled. “Ya only brought a rock?” “You just said it was a bad idea!” Rarity spat back. “This whole thing is simply ridiculous. Twilight darling, you need to go to bed. Equestria will still be here tomorrow morning, I promise.” “Agreed,” Fluttershy said, though she offered a yellow teacup all the same. “Discord likes this tea cup. Maybe his magic will help, too.” “That’s a fantastic idea!” Twilight said. “And so are rocks, Rarity. I didn’t think of bringing rocks, just dirt. We got this, everypony.” She turned to Pinkie Pie. “Just you left.” “No!” Applejack shouted. “No, we’re done. Twilight, you’ve gone crazy, and we need to stop this.” She glared at Pinkie Pie. “Do not put anything into that bucket!” “Nothing will probably happen,” Rainbow Dash muttered. Fluttershy nodded. Pinkie Pie giggled, jumped onto the map and, glowing from nose to tail like a Hearth’s Warming Tree, gave Twilight Sparkle a big hug. “Twilight, it’ll be okay.” “You think so?” Pinkie Pie nodded. “Yup. Because I wasn’t sure what to bring, since I wanted to bring my party cannon but you said small objects only. Then I thought, ‘well, what’s like a party cannon but smaller?’” “One of those little pull-string confetti poppers?” Fluttershy asked. “Nope!” Pinkie Pie pulled out a brown paper bag. “Gunpowder!” Rarity’s eyes went wide, and Applejack leapt onto the table, already shouting, “No!” at the top of her lungs. Fluttershy tried to run, and Rainbow Dash took to the air. Twilight smiled so big her head threatened to split in half. Pinkie Pie dumped the gunpowder into the bucket. The bucket cast its spell.