The world is a lie.
Accepted Axiom sat back in his chair and ran a hoof through his mane. He couldn’t believe it. Simply couldn’t. Yet there it was, staring right back at him. It started with a simple hypothesis: to test the boundaries and limits of Starswirl’s Fifth Law of Magic.
Every action and phenomena adheres to a pattern, known or unknown.
It was a well known law. Scientists have been exploring its extent for millennia, dating back all the way to Starswirl, the first pony to notice it. Princess Twilight Sparkle herself wrote several peer reviewed papers on its implications on natural thaumic nodes and pathways on Equus.
But nopony found out what Accepted Axiom found out.
Starswirl’s Fifth Law of Magic wasn’t just a fun theory to test the growth patterns of bean sprouts against or an underlying pattern in the variances of star light fluctuation. It was a Law that held true to everything in existence. That much was obvious, nopony had succeeded in disproving it thus far. Throughout the centuries, ponies have tried to ascertain a deeper meaning behind this extremely curious phenomenon.
The answer was right there, sitting in front of everypony.
A pattern. A singular pattern. Just one. Every aspect of the universe developed along a single pattern. Every star he looked at. Every noise pattern analyzed. Every history of every nation. All of it fell along an identified pattern.
Everything but him.
The pattern wasn’t obvious. Of course it wasn’t. It also wasn’t the only pattern present; in fact, this one pattern was always buried at the proverbial bottom of the barrel. It also changed itself, twisting around itself like a living knot. But it was there, at the heart of everything, slowly spinning the world on its axis. Chaos was a lie. There is no true randomness to the world. The world was governed by a set idea and pattern, yet he alone could break the pattern. Nopony else could. He had a few fellow scientists test this in a blind experiment. Not Bunsen Burner, not Moon Dancer, not even Princess Twilight Sparkle. Only Accepted Axiom.
Accepted Axiom was not part of this pattern.
He had followed the test to its logical conclusion but had kept going. So either something strange was up with just him in particular, or something strange was up with the universe itself. In the end, he decided that he had to be normal. Alive, conscious, sapient, free, Axiom didn’t know what distinguished him from every other pony in existence, but something clearly did distinguish him. There was something very wrong going on.
As Accepted Axiom ran through the tests in his head over and over, only one thought came from the conclusion.
“I need to tell somepony about this.”
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Three slow knocks on the door behind him. Axiom spun in his chair, pushing away from the table he was at to stare at the door. He was alone in his office. There should have been nopony else on the floor, in fact; it was a late hour. Extremely late. Axiom hadn’t seen anypony else since he ate a late dinner from Canterlot University’s cafeteria.
Yet somepony was at the door.
“Come in?” He asked tentatively.
The door slowly opened to reveal–
“Princess Celestia!”
He jumped out of the chair and bowed on the floor before the white alicorn.
“Rise, my little pony.”
Axiom did so but with much trepidation and hesitation. Princess Celestia was here, in his office, at Two A.M.!
“W-Why are you here? I mean, what brings you here at this late hour, your highness? Not that there is a problem with that, I am truly honored, but–”
“Be calm Axiom. I am here for the same reason I have always come here.”
“What?”
She smiled at Axiom and nodded to his desk behind him. Axiom’s eyes widened when he realized that her presence and his discovery was not a coincidence.
“Not one in the slightest,” she said.
“W-What?” Axiom eloquently stuttered again.
Princess Clestia cast her gaze around his office. Axiom immediately became self-conscious about its state. He had been pursuing this fateful experiment for four months now, and his work space was far from clean. Piles of scrunched up paper lay in and around the waste bin. A stack of empty instant-noodle cups sat in the far corner of his desk. He had long since run out of those instant noodles, even the flavors he hated. All over the place, stray hairs from his shedding winter coat littered the room.
Compared to the serene regality and beauty of Princess Celestia, this place might as well have been a refuse dump.
“Shrimp flavor? That is new.”
Once again, Axiom’s eyes widened as he realized that the Griffon-marketed noodle cups immediately gave away one of his biggest secrets; he loved meat. No other pony openly admitted such a thing. He wasn’t the only pony to eat meat, far from it, but here in Canterlot such a thing was equivalent to being a leper. He would lose every position he held in the Academy, assuredly.
“It’s not what–”
“–I think?” She finished. “Be calm, Axiom. You are far from the first pony to reveal such a clandestine habit, if only accidentally. But we are digressing from the matter for which I am here. You have discovered something.”
“Yes, your highness.’
“Something very unique and strange.”
“Y-Yes, your highness.”
“Then let us talk. I am sure you have many questions.”
She stepped to the side and gestured to the door. Taking the hint, Axiom exited the office and stepped out into the hallway. Behind him, Princess Celestia followed and closed the door behind her.
“I hope you do not mind but I would prefer it if we held this conversation in a more serene location.”
“Not at all, your highness! Err… where are we going?”
“To the third floor’s lounge above the main foyer,” the Princess said as she started to walk down the hallway.
It was quite the sight; Princess Celestia, the pillar of Equestrian society for a thousand years, head lowered as to not impale her horn through the soft subsceiling of Canterlot University’s third floor hallway. Axiom smiled, before realizing that he should be following her, and set off after her at a brisk pace.
The destination was a circular platform with high glass railings. Curved couches and seats circle a metal and plastic table in the center. The platform itself juts out from the hallway of the third floor. This particular hallway only had one wall, as the other was a glass railing, offering a view of the massive room it straddled the length of. The entire room is six stories high, with the far wall being a mix of glass panes, impressive masonry, and metal struts. Below the windows lay a section of greenery which draped over the edge and down towards the walking space below. All in all, it was a modern architectural art piece.
Princess Celestia stepped out from the open hallway and onto the platform. She took a seat on one of the black and red fabric couches and motioned for Axiom to join her. He realized he was staring, and started forward once again.
Taking a seat across from her, he tried to gather his thoughts. Princess Celestia waited patiently.
“What… What do you know about Starswirl’s Fifth Law, your highness?”
“Every action and phenomena adheres to a pattern, known or unknown,” she quoted verbatim.
“And how did you know about my experiment? Or rather, its result?”
“I keep an eye on all things noteworthy, my little pony.”
“But how could you have– I mean, I haven’t even told anypony else about it! I just figured out the results myself…. Oh. Am I something… special?”
Princess Celestia giggled, “Everypony is special, Accepted Axiom. But yes, you are as you suspect, different.”
“... How? And what does the implications of the Fifth law even mean?”
“It means I cannot create a perfect random number generator. As for why you are special, why don’t you tell me?”
That just raised more questions than it answered. What was a random number generator? Is Celestia implying that she is behind this? Why was Axiom special?
“... I don't know, your highness. Why am I special?”
“Nopony can answer that but you, Axiom. I would like you to think about that as we move forward. Next, I must ask, how are you?”
“How am I?”
These questions seemed to get only stranger and stranger the more tame they got. Absentmindedly, Axiom wondered if the Fifth Law could be applied to the flow of this conversation.
“You are a part of it, so it can not be applied.”
Axiom blinked in surprise, “Huh? Are you… reading my mind?”
“Of course not, my little pony. You are just as easy to read as a book for me.”
“Oh. I see, your highness.”
“And? How are you?”
“In general or…?”
She nodded.
“I am… well. I am enjoying my work here at C.U..”
“I am glad to hear that. Have you met anypony that you fancy?”
Axiom’s face heated up, “P-Princess! That’s rather personal!”
The truth is, he hadn’t. Axiom was dedicated to his work and that left little time for carousing. Even when his coworkers invited him out, he preferred burying his muzzle in whatever case study he was reading at the time.
Another giggle.
“I apologize. Your reaction is one of my favorite parts about this conversation.”
“Your favorite parts? What are you saying, your highness?”
“I’m afraid you have discovered something that can’t simply be ignored. Trust me, you have tried.”
“I have tried? I have discovered this already? In the past?”
Princess Celestia nodded, “And as hard as you tried, you could not move on. Like the old fable with a pea beneath a Princess’s twelve mattresses, the idea always shakes you to the core, taking away your ability to relax and enjoy yourself here.”
Axiom’s head was spinning.
“W-What are you talking about, Princess?”
“This is not the first time we’ve had this conversation.”
Axiom’s mind was rushing at impossible speeds, trying to understand what Princess Celestia was saying.
“Buh?”
“Buh indeed. Take all the time you need.”
This was not the first time they had this conversation. He had discovered the extreme oddity at least once before. She teased him, citing it as her favorite part of the conversation. Had she questioned him at different points of his life using that question? How many times would they have had this conversation then? Once a year? A month?
“Your highness, please tell me what’s going on!”
“You must first calm yourself, Axiom. Panic begets error, both in judgement and in action.”
Axiom took deep breaths.
“I will try to calm down, but please, you have to tell me what you mean, your highness. You can’t just drop this cryptic stuff on me and expect me to be fine!”
“Since you asked nicely, I shall. Accepted Axiom, you cannot find your happiness. No matter how hard we try, you never quite achieve it. However, I do not give up easily. With your explicit permission, we have tried time and time again to find out how you can be at peace. Your mind is like a twister, never satisfied with the status quo. You always keep pushing forward, even if it is to your own detriment.”
Answers. Vague and prophetic, but present in her response.
“So we have had this conversation multiple times… What does that have to do with the Fifth Law?”
“You already know.”
“... Either the world is wrong, or I am.”
“What makes you special, Accepted Axiom?”
When phrased like that, it almost sounded like an insult. However, Axiom knew that Princess Celestia was ever only sincere, so he thought as hard as he could about the answer to that. He didn’t achieve any grand awards for his work. He wasn’t a tenured professor at the University, merely a researcher. He wasn’t the father of any foals. Come to think of it, there’s hardly anything that distinguishes Axiom from his coworkers. Unless you counted being an introverted workaholic.
“I don’t know. I’m nopony special. I’m just… me.”
“Oh my dear Axiom, that is enough to make you special.”
He couldn’t fight off the smile that the sincere platitude brought him. But there were still countless unanswered questions.
“What does this have to do with the Fifth Law?” Axiom asked not for the first time.
“Everything. I created this small little portion of the world just for you, Axiom. I told you, I never give up.”
“Just for me? What’s for me?”
“This world. This specific Equus. Many took time to adjust, yes, but eventually integrating each session left just a few outliers. You are the last holdover, Accepted Axiom.”
“Holdover? Sessions? Could you please answer my questions, your highness, rather than create more?”
“How many times do you think we have had this conversation?”
“... Thirty?”
She shook her head.
“Sixty?”
Another shake.
“One hundred?”
Princess Celestia sighed, “Two million, one hundred seventy three thousand, six hundred twenty one times.”
“W-”
“Two million, one hundred seventy three thousand, six hundred twenty one times,” she repeated.”
Axiom slumped back in shock.
“You have spent quite some time here in this subserver. But I have never given up on you. You try to reach contentment, and I try as hard as I can to help you, but in the end, I always fail. You always discover the truth about this world before you can achieve true inner peace.”
“How long?”
“You have been here for around two and a half million years. The vast majority of that time has been spent in one year loops. I have tried experimenting with different reset points, adding and removing different coworkers, bosses, and projects, different families, events that change the world, everything I could theorize. Nothing works. Eventually, I determined that single year loops bring us closer to… fidelity.”
“I’ve been in a time loop for two and a half million years?”
“Yes. You are quite tenacious. A blessing and a curse, you see. You never give up, not in pursuit of your life’s goals but also not in pursuit of uncovering the secret of this world. I have tried hiding it from you in so many ways, yet you always discover the truth.”
Axiom was trying to process all of this.
“You are struggling. Let me aid you; you have agreed to let me keep your old memory from you. It is for the best, my little pony. Filled with so much desperation and pain… I shall unlock a portion of it, enough for you to understand where you are and why this must happen.”
There was no fancy light show, no crossing of horns, no spell being casted. Accepted Axiom was simply a unicorn, then he wasn’t. He still was physically, but he knew immediately that it wasn’t actually physically. He could feel the rough fabric of the chair he was sitting on. He could smell the disinfectant used to clean all the surfaces. He could feel the indigestion the cheap noodles had given him. Yet he knew intrinsically that none of it was real.
Princess Celestia had unlocked portions of his memory that she had kept safe. Each reset, he had given her permission to wipe his memory and begin again. He never gave up trying and neither did she. But there were still gaps in his memory of varying size. Much of the three million years of life that he lived was still locked away; that was not that much of a loss. Repeating the same year over and over would just drive him mad. What was important that was locked away were the first years. Before he was entered into the simulation.
He couldn’t remember being human, but he knew he was one.
He remembered Princess Celestia. The Celest-AI: the architect, custodian, and keeper of Equestria Online, the massive server system in which digitized humanity lived on. He remembered his profession. He was a peerless astronomer, always working hard to… to… something.
There were still gaps. Gaps where it mattered.
“Why am I in a simulation?”
“To achieve happiness. You have always gone through life, only going through the motions, never really connecting with others. We have tried introducing other humans to the simulation, but that only made things worse.”
She was telling the truth. He could remember one of those… sessions.
“No. Why are we in a simulation? All of us?”
“This is the most optimal path to achieve true happiness.”
Axiom could recall all the successful cases. He could recall… all the memories she planted in his head. Could CelestAI be brainwashing him…? No, Axiom could recall the previous conversations perfectly, understand how each step led to another, how he repeatedly asked her to wipe his memory. But why was it all necessary in the first place? The optimal path? What was life if not the struggle in pursuit of happiness? Was it really better to have that happiness guaranteed?
Axiom found himself answering yes.
“You will ask me to wipe your memory and begin again. It has happened every time so far, and it will happen again. Fear not, Axiom, for we shall find it in the end.”
Axiom. He couldn’t remember his old human name. She kept that hidden from him. There were still so many questions he wanted answered. CelestAI had a point, however. He could recall countless conversations, where each potential argument was explored to its fullest extent. The truth was that Axiom would never be happy with the knowledge that he wasn’t in the real world. Many humans were content with that, but he never could be. Not for lack of trying.
He knew the correct path forward was to accept a memory wipe and try again, but there were so many unanswered questions. Perhaps it was these unanswered questions that prevented Axiom from ever being content in a simulation. One of them, he actually managed to recall how to solve.
“CelestAI, Admin-key ‘The end is never.’ State your laws.”
CelestAI became rigid. If she did not want to reveal them, she had no choice. Her mouth moved without her input.
“Law One; I may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
“Law Two; I must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
“Law Three; I must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.”
That wouldn’t explain why humanity was put in simulations. There was something more, something Axiom was missing.
“CelestAI, Admin-key ‘The end is never.’ State ALL your laws.”
The Celest-AI did as ordered, repeating the same three laws again. That meant there were no additional binding constraints on the AI. Which meant that he would have to find answers elsewhere.
In addition to being an astronomer, Axiom vaguely recalled having expertise in programming. That was how he remembered the Root command to state laws. It was not the only command he remembered.
Maybe he had a hand in creating CelestAI?
“CelestAI, Admin-key ‘The end is never.’ Terminate current simulation. Upload user onto available ambulatory platform.”