(Author's Note: Very Great and Powerful Thanks to Maskedferret http://www.fimfiction.net/user/maskedferret for being the editor for "Trixie! Order Up!". Especially for putting up with my chaotic...consistency.)
“Behold the power of the Great and Powerful Trixie! Canterlot deserves weather that is the sweetest. Therefore I give my lovely audience this chocolate rain!”
The Great and Powerful Trixie shouted, sweeping up her cape in a dramatic flush toward the sky. Trixie spared a glance as the once blue sky quickly become covered with strange, pink clouds. She looked back to her audience as she gauged their belief in her little lie. On the back of Trixie’s neck a nervous, small bead of sweat trickled down her neck along with the thought ‘It has been sooooo long since I have had an audience. I can’t lose them!’
“Oooooooo!” Lyra and the dirty, colt said in unison. The two ponies surprised faces turned to glee as they looked up at the pink clouds, their eyes growing to the size of saucers. Opening their mouths to the growing downpour of chocolate they pranced in the street slurping up the sweet precipitation.
“Aaaaaaah!” the crowd around them replied, having pulled out several umbrellas as the downpour increased to a steady rain.
Trixie sighed on the inside as she thought her lie was in the clear when the dirty colt spoke up.
“Great and Powerful Trixie, can you make it snow ice cream?” the colt asked, his eyes looking into Trixie’s with a rounded, cuteness that forced Trixie to momentarily push her hat forward to block out his inescapable gaze.
“Can the Great and Powerful Trixie make it snow ice cream?” Trixie said, crossing her hooves over her chest while standing on two legs. She knew full well that she could not. “To make it rain ice cream would be a waste of the Great and Powerful Trixie’s talents! She could make it rain double fudge, triple banana, and quadruple cream, sundaes!”
“With a cherry on top each one as well.” Trixie boasted as she knocked her hat back so she could stare into the crowd with a smug grin. She was swept up in the hype as the crowd hoof stomped in applause. Only a thin slice of her conscious had bothered to think that she had never learned a ‘Make-It-Rain-Sundaes’ spell in magic kindergarten.
Trixie had already began to sweep up her hooves in a dramatic display ready to use a spell she didn’t even know when a loud chiming noise interrupted her thoughts. Her eyes glanced skyward as she saw the hands of the Canterlot Clock Tower strike noon. The phantom head of Doughnut Joe swirled around her head and said to her in a echoic voice “Don’t forget…don’t forget…to wake me up…to wake me up…to open the shop…to open the shop…my alarm is busted…my alarm is busted…TRIXIE ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”
“Oh, my. Where has the time gone?” Trixie muttered to herself, slumping slightly as she realized that between her desperation and elation at finding a enthralled audience she had forgotten about her day job. ‘What is this?’ her inner voice echoed inside of her, ‘Why does my stomach feel like it is sinking? Why do I feel ashamed of myself? What is this feeling? It is like that feeling I get when I miss out on the buy two for one firework sales…it is like regret, but different….”
Trixie shook herself out her thoughts realizing the crowd may have noticed her sudden quiet. She ignited her magic causing several sparklers to light off behind her. “Better leave them wanting more anyway…” Trixie muttered while bowing to the audience, her voice louder as she came back up and waved to the audience “The Great and Powerful Trixie must go now! Trixie has a pressing engagement with Canterlot’s most well-known of chefs. The Great and Powerful Trixie will blow your little pony minds with wondrous and impossible feats of magic another time. Until then, enjoy the chocolate rain the Great and Powerful Trixie has given to you as a parting gift.”
“Awwwww! Going so soon?” a voice called out seemingly from everywhere around the crowd of ponies.
“Who is that?” Lyra asked looking around just as confused as everypony.
“I have-“ Trixie had begun to say when her small ‘stage’ quaked beneath her. Before Trixie could act her stage had risen higher and higher into the air, beneath it layer after layer of a large white cake had sprouted from the ground! “Wh-whats going on here? Who dares make a fool of the Great and Powerful Trixie?”
“Great and Powerful Trixie? Oh? You don’t know me?” the voice called out again. The cake that had sprouted underneath her climbed to fifteen layers of cake batter and frosting before the top exploded underneath Trixie. Trixie and her soapbox crashed down like sparkling meteors to the ground as –SOMETHING- emerged from the cake.
“I am the Chaotic and Nonsensical Discord!” Discord cried with a rolling laughter. The mismatched fiend’s body erupted from the top of the cake wearing a tophat, monocle, and polkadotted gloves. The crowd of ponies were shocked into silence as Discord’s seemingly joyful grin and cold eyes pierced every single pony. Except for one.
“You…you…your’re Discord!” Lyra stated a hoof raised and pointing at Discord.
“The one and only.” Discord replied before his tongue rolled out from his mouth and slurped the entire cake in a single gulp.
“The Discord that ended the Equestrian Council? The first form of government in Equestria after the various ponies settled in the region. It was ended over one thousand and two hundred years ago ushering in the Interregnum otherwise known as the Days of Discord. You reigned for forty-two years until the Princesses defeated you and began what is known as the ‘Era of Princesses’ by beginning with the First Principality of Two Princess of Equestria. The Dual Principality existed for one hundred and ten years until Luna was banished to the moon and Equestria became the Principality which has reigned until now, though some political commentators speculate that a Second Dual Principality will be raised sometime after Nightmare Night depending if Luna can reconnect with the ponies of Equestria.” Lyra lectured, pausing for only a moment before adding “And THAT’S how Equestria was made.”
“What do you mean ‘THAT’S how Equestria was made’?” Trixie asked as she picked herself up from the cobble street. She gulped as she saw Discord’s grin widen.
“Hmph. A friend of mine in Ponyville asked me to teach her class Equestrian history after SOMEPONY filled some of her student’s head’s with nonsense.”
“Wait. You’ve been to Ponyville?” Trixie asked, feeling the sweat gather on the back of her neck.
“I live there actually. Pinkie Pie may be a Bearer of the Element of Harmony, but she has no right making counter-factual history!”
“Oh? So the Bearers of the Elements live in a place called Ponyville now?” Discord asked, having slither closer to wrap a arm around Lyra’s neck and incline his ear closer.
“They all do. Pinkie’s the Element of Laughter. Applejack represents the Element of Honesty, Rarity represents the Element of Generosity, Fluttershy represents the Element of Kindness, Rainbow Dash represents the Element of Loyalty, and Twilight Sparkle represents the Element of Magic.”
“T-twilight Sparkle?!?” Trixie gasped, her jaw having dropped to the ground.
“Yep. Twilight Sparkle. Unicorn. Bookworm. I’d love to see her with her socks on. We were students together at the Canterlot University of Magic.” Lyra replied with several nods of her head.
“What about the Elements of Harmony themselves?” Discord asked, his ear from the opposite side of his head having stretched all the way over the top of Lyra’s head to the other side of her mouth to listen.
“Oh, I don’t know myself. The Princess probably keeps them somewhere in the castle.” Lyra said with a shrug.
“My, my. I will have to pay a visit to Ponyville, but first thing’s first…” Discord said before snapping his fingers and from out of thin air creating a very large theater stage. Trixie scrambled out of the way while Lyra grabbed the little street urchin and pulled the awestruck colt away from the falling stage. Having popped out onto the stage Discord pulled his top hat off and held it out with one eagle claw. “Who wants to see some magic?”
The mumbled and nervous reply from the crowd was less than enthusiastic.
“What is the matter with you ponies? Don’t you want to see more excitement like my chocolate rain?” Discord asked with a huff, though one of his eyes looked to Trixie.
“Liar!” the accusing word escaped from the lips of the street urchin colt. “The Great and Powerful Trixie made this chocolate rain and she can do more awesome stuff too! Like make it rain sundaes with extra fudge!” Despite both Trixie’s and Lyra’s hooves having had shot out to cover the colt’s mouth the words had already escaped. The constant downpour of chocolate rain stopped as both of Discord’s eyes locked onto Trixie a impossibly wide grin having split Discord’s face.
“Ohohoho? MY mistake then! This lovely weather was caused by the…Great and Powerful Trixie, was it?” Discord said before he laughed out loud, slapping one knee before containing his chuckles. “Well then. I will just have to do SOMETHING that will top the obviously Great and powerful Trixie’s magic. I’ll just have to prove anything she can do, I can do better. Any suggestions?”
Trixie’s mouth once again had dropped open. That nervous trickle of sweat was a flood now. She felt her knees shake and her mouth go dry as she realized that boasts had somehow managed to get her into more trouble than being chased by a cranky ursa minor. Trixie tried to say something, but all that came out was a weak croak.
“Yes! You! The gentlecolt in the front do you have a suggestion?” Discord said suddenly, pointing toward a dapper colt wearing a top hat.
“What? Me? No. No. No. Nothing. I have nothing inside my head.” The colt replied, backing away into the crowd.
“Aaaare you so sure?” Discord asked, reaching his lion like paw into the hat. Somehow Discord’s paw sprouted out from behind the colt, immediately having seized his head a jolt of blinding light makes every pony cover their eyes. When the blinding light stopped what Trixie saw caused her to gasp, and she was not the only one.
“Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Soak Clousdale with a cola storm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” the thing that had been the gentlecolt enthusiastically answered. His dark grey coat and blue mane had become every shade of violet and his eyes spaced out orbs that spun in circles in his head. Trixie from her view noticed that as he bounced up and down on his flank while holding his hooves together that his cutiemark had changed from whatever it had been to a screw and a hoofball. Deep down Trixie found the constant putter of the thing’s gyro beanie to be extremely annoying.
“A fine idea my little pony! Muwahaha. Don’t blink, you ponies at home or you might miss…de magiks!” Discord said as he raised his lion’s paw and snapped his fingers. Trixie as well as everypony instinctively dropped to the ground and cowered with hooves overhead. Waiting for an explosion of magic that may have tossed them all off their hooves or send them spiraling into another dimension or turned them into dogs! Trixie waited and waited, but after several more moments of cowering Trixie noticed no visible display of magic or any subtle shift in the ambient field of magic surrounding them. The only effect caused by Discord seemed to be the one pony with a few screws missing clopping his hooves together and cheering on like he had seen Trixie perform magic.
“Thank you! Thank you! Yes, I know! I truly am amazing! Now my faithful audience do we have any other suggestions?” Discord asked, a wicked grin on his face as he once again thrust his paw into the top hat. This time though Trixie saw that his paw did not just appear behind one pony, but behind the heads of the entire crowd. Trixie covered her face as a blinding flash of light once again lighted up the Canterlot street.
“Discord! Discord! Daddy Discord! Make all the corn fields explode with popcorn!”
“Give all the rabbits reeeaaaalllllllyyyyyyyy long legs!”
“MOAR CHOCLATE RAIN!”
“Make this arc two episodes long!”
“Make all your spells failsafe spell failsafe proof!”
“Muwahaha. Done and done. WHO IS THE BIGGEST AND BADDEST IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA?” Discord shouted, running up and down the front of his stage to the applause and cheers of a crowd of over a dozen screwballs.
‘Perhaps…now is the time for Trixie to make her exit…stage left…’ Trixie’s panic stricken mind thought to herself. Slowly Trixie’s body inched away from the increasingly enthusiastic crowd of chaotic pawns when she felt a pony stand up next to her.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie is still the best unicorn in all of Equestria!” the voice of the street urchin shouted just above Trixie. She wanted to stuff the colt’s mouth shut, but as she looked up she noticed that Lyra had already beaten her to the punch.
“Have you ever heard of the term ‘Insert foot into mouth’?”
“What is a ‘foot’?”
“Not important!”
“Ohohoho? You still think that this huckster is more powerful than me?” Discord asked before teleporting behind Trixie and grabbing her, and teleporting back to the stage and holding her up to the crowd. Boos and catcalls from the screwballs washed over Trixie like a wave of stale cheese. Even still it made Trixie’s stomach churn and her knees quake, the feeling of shame and terror swelling inside of her. Trixie opened her mouth to VERY MUCH insist otherwise when the colt’s words stopped her from breathing a word.
“I know she can! She is the most magical unicorn I have ever seen! She is the Great and Powerful Trixie and anything you can do she can do better!” the street urchin replied, staring into the eyes of Discord with utter belief and determination. It was making Trixie sick to her stomach knowing her chances of fulfilling the colt’s over inflated image of Trixie, but Trixie never let her audience down. She would never again.
“T-th-the Great and P-powerful Trixie i-is the most astounding unicorn in all of Equestria! Her name is adored and spoken with awe from Hoofington to Canterlot! The master mare of all magic spells! I’ll make your head spin around and around with my magical skill. You? The greatest of all? That must be one big joke. I’ll show you mystic powers you will regret what you spoke.”
“Snerk…did you just try to rap? Hahahaha!” Discord’s face broke out into a grin before he dropped Trixie on her hooves and flopped on the stage in full body laughter.
“Could use a better beat” Lyra added, using her magic to pick up her lyre and strum a few chords.
“Oh very well. I’ll let you have your shot. That way nopony can call Discord a unfair and unjust ruler of all Equestria.” Discord said after wiping tears of laughter from his eyes and having picked himself up to his feet. “Give me your best shot.”
“R-right. Prepare to double take so fast your eyebrows will be thrown across the street.” Trixie nervously boasted, gulping loudly while cantering to the front of the stage. Trixie looked into the eyes of the crowd of every screwball pony glued on her, than over to the eyes of the street urchin and Lyra. ‘Alright, alright. I know Trixie is in the show for her life. I just have to concentrate and stay focused. Just stick to the first rule of show business. Get the audience so hooked they can’t look away…they don’t want to look away…’
“Ponies of Canterlot, prepare yourselves for this once in a lifetime spectacle. One that I guarantee you will leave you dazed and confused! One that will have your hooves stomping and gyros spinning as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs a feat of magic that will absolutely boggle your minds. What is it that the Great and Powerful Trixie will do you wonder in your tiny minds? Please, don’t give yourselves a headache the Great and Powerful Trixie will tell you! The Great and Powerful Trixie will…SPLIT THE SKY WIDE OPEN! Trixie will crack it open like one great big egg and pour out the cosmic contents! The sights of the universe right here and right now. One time only. Limited seating for viewing pleasure.” Trixie boasted, her cape flourished to her sides as the last of her sparklers ignite with a concentrated burst of her magic.
“OOOOOOO!” the crowd ate up her words. Their bored looks and angry glares turned to interest as they crowded forward against the stage. Even Discord looked interested, one brow raised as he floated over the crowd of screwballs. The street urchin was clopped his hooves together while Lyra strummed her lyre adding suspenseful background music to Trixie’s words.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands quiet as she performs.” Trixie barked at the crowd before she closed her mouth and tilted her head downwards toward the stage. Concentrating her mouth moved with mumbled words as her hooves rubbed together and her horn steadily glowed brighter with concentrated magic. The normally rambunctious crowd of screwballs seemed to heed her words as they made not a single sound. All eyes focused straight on Trixie as the focus of magic surrounded her in a visible aura of magic. Trixie’s head felt like it would split open, but she continued to concentrate and build up her magic. The floorboards of the stage rattled beneath her as she pushed more and more magic into her spell, a low grumble emitting from her lips slowly grew into a loud yell as the magic around her grew until it climaxed!
“ttttrrrrriiiiiIIIIIXXXXXXIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!” Trixie shouted her eyes ablaze with magic as she shifted her stance and thrust her head and hooves toward the sky with that powerful shout. Trixie magic exploded in a blast of light that blew outwards causing the assembled ponies to shield their eyes for several seconds. All eyes in the crowd from every Screwball to Discord himself looked skyward to see what her magic had done…
…they all stared into the thick cloud bank of pink.
“Well, it looks like the Hot and Gaseous Trixie was just full of…” Discord had begun to say when his eyes turned back down to Trixie to notice that Trixie no longer occupied the stage. In fact, neither did the street urchin or Lyra.
They were all gone.
“That…that…little…pull a fast one on Discord! Oho! I’ll show her who pulls the fast ones around here. I’ll-“Discord’s words were interrupted by the sound of an ringing inside of his head. Discord pulled out an alarm clock from his ears and looked at the time with a grimace. “Drat. I’m scheduled now to steal the Elements of Harmony. How am I supposed to deal with those troublemakers?” Turning his eyes to the dazed and confused crowd of screwballs his grin returned to his face. “Sic ‘em my little flying monkeys!”