//------------------------------//
// Accidentally According To Plan 
// Story: Gearheads 2: Slaanesh, I Got Yo' Number 
// by dawnbreez 
//------------------------------//

"So, that's my story! I simply got tired of the other four players at the table. They seemed so stagnant. Chaos is change, after all!" Discord did a brief loop through the air, rolling his eyes in ways that human eyes can't move.

"But some things stay the same, correct?" Secht was certainly not expecting friendly discussion with Malal-turned-Discord, but he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity. "Khorne may always be inventing new kinds of death, but he is still Khorne, and Khorne is always going to be the Blood God."

"But that's the problem! If Khorne is always the Blood God, he's not changing. And that just offends me. So too for Slaanesh, really. I should've known something was up when she hadn't tried anything new for a week."

"You're kidding," Secht murmured, his optics going wide with shock.

"Oh yes! That was the last time I went to a party with her. The hoof-holding was amazing, but there was just something wrong with that manifestation of unholy desire."

"I can't believe it--wait, did you say 'hoof-holding'?"

"Oh yes! How lewd it was."

Secht decided to set this aside for now. "So you chose to live on a planet that the Imperium hadn't found yet, right on the edge between a chapter of Ultramarines and two neighboring threats, leaving all three of them in the dark about your existence?"

"Oh yes!" Discord said as he righted himself temporarily. "I figured, the Imperium would be too stupid to look, the Orks would be more interested in stomping the Marines, and old Nurgle would never get off his fat behind!"

"...it's, er, funny you say that..."

Discord's eyes grew to the size of literal dinner plates. "No."

"Well, you see, word from on high is that...activity has been detected."

Discord's fur turned a sickly shade of green, then blue. "You're kidding."

"It seems that...yes, Nurgle is on the move. He has, in fact, gotten off of his fat behind."

"Say it ain't so!" Discord yelped, flopping backward--and upward--onto what appeared to be an upside-down chaise lounge bolted to the ceiling. "oh, don't tell Rarity I borrowed this."

"Your secrets are safe with me. Nobody would believe this if I told them, anyway."

"Now, the situation looks dire, but I do have an idea!" Discord said as he floated back down. "You see, Twilight is incredibly brilliant, and given a bit of time and some tools, she can figure out how almost anything works..."

Secht's optics narrowed again.

"And if she were to, I don't know, find a few Imperial weapons and improve them..."

"You planned for this," Secht muttered, crossing his power-claws.

"I did not plan this! That is poppycock, you are a liar, I did not plan this, I did not." Discord pouted. "Oh hi, Mark," he added, to no-one in particular. Secht was starting to wonder if this was a sign of his own sanity slipping, or merely Discord's complete lack of it. "Planning is for Tzeentch," Discord continued. "Ruining plans is my job."

"And you just happened to describe something that I was already doing before I met you."

"Why, yes. Just as planned. Er, just as I would plan it. If I made plans."

"I see," Secht said, though he failed to see anything.

"Yes, yes. Now, run along! There's much work to do, and so little time to do it! Why, we might actually see a canonical change in the warfront in the next decade!"

"Ah, but the one called Fluttershy was going to make us some food," Secht whirred softly. "I would not want to upset her by leaving before she could offer it."

Discord froze in mid-twirl. He zipped right up to Secht's faceplate, frowning.

"Now listen, you bag of Imperial bolts, because I will only say this once. I have been very careful to keep Fluttershy well away from you and your kind," he whispered. "There are many things I will risk. There are many things I will take a chance on. There are things I will love for centuries and then destroy in a moment of boredom. Fluttershy is off-limits."

Secht watched in stunned silence. Arguing with a Chaos God suddenly seemed like a bad idea.

"I shall inform Fluttershy that you had urgent business elsewhere," Discord explained. "And I'll send you a to-go box."

"What's a--"

Discord snapped his fingers.

"--to-go box?" Secht said, standing in the center of Ponyville's town square.

Moments later, a small styrofoam container appeared in his hand, containing a selection of fresh berries, chopped vegetables, and one very well-prepared filet of tilapia.





"...and that's the story so far," Secht said as he walked with Twilight to her little castle.

"You're telling me there's more Discords out there?"

"Well, I wouldn't compare them to Discord. More like...Discord, but also completely uninterested in anybody's well-being."

"So, Discord."

"Oh you have no idea."

Secht ducked under the doorframe as they entered the castle via a side-door. He had gotten significantly better at entering doors since he realized that his frame was exceptionally good at sideways movement.

"And you want me to build...weapons?" Twilight asked. "Because they might come here?"

"Yes."

"But we haven't had to fight a war in over a thousand years!"

"Twilight," Secht explained calmly, "I want you to imagine what would happen if Discord was the only one preparing for these invaders."

Twilight thought. She thought some more. She carefully considered that last thought, because she really didn't want to admit that it was the most likely one.

"Then we have to act," she said softly. "We can't afford to let Discord try the pineapple and yo-yo trick again."

"The what?"

"Do not ask."

Secht rolled his shoulders, letting out a noise that Twilight usually interpreted as a sigh. "So. We have a stock of armors, weapons, and other various equipment aboard my ship. I shall bring some samples down, and we'll see what kind of improvements you can make to them. Our factories can mass-produce these weapons for the soldiers who will aid you in defending Equestria, and they will accept it, so long as I tell them that we found the designs rather than creating them."

"I still don't see why we can't just tell them that we invented the new lasgun design," Twilight muttered. "Are your people really so afraid of other creatures that they'd kill you for taking advice from a friend?"

"Yes."

Twilight blinked. "Oh," she said. "This is an advanced friendship problem."