//------------------------------// // Ch. 22. Anything But That! // Story: If Wishes Were Ponies, Book II // by tkepner //------------------------------// It was hysterical watching the adults in the room staring at them in the paintings, in stunned surprise. His mum rolled her eyes and joined them. Percy popped back out and explained to the adults about the book-walking spell. With the Princesses help, they were all soon inside the two paintings. “Well,” Celestia said, “I hadn’t expected this to happen!” She shook her head. “It certainly gives you a new perspective on things, doesn’t it?” she said, scowling. Her ears were laid back as her painting-self walked around her frowning and muttering critical comments on her flanks. There was even a faint mention of that dreaded four-letter word, diet! There were clear differences between the two sets of Princesses. The brush strokes on the original ponies were finer and more detailed than those of the painted princesses. Painting-Celestia, however, was clearly slimmer. She turned to Twilight. “I wanted to surprise you with the witchery paintings. The students at Hogwarts all wrote home about the moving pictures and paintings in the castle, not to mention that your descriptions of them last year were quite intriguing. “As a result, magical photography has taken Equestria by storm. Photo Finish has embraced it with relish and is using it to make one-of-kind mini-plays. The newspapers are all trying to get their presses to work with moving pictures. The Polaroid cameras that the muggles use were easily adapted to use new magical film packs, and they are popping up everywhere, now.” * She smirked. “The American Polaroid company is currently building a facility in Manehattan.” “It seemed only natural, and more personal, to want something more sophisticated than just pictures, so Lulu and I decided to hire an English magical painter. These two are, as you see, the result.” She frowned and looked around. “But I didn’t consider how well your book-walking spell might work.” She walked into the other painting. “We will need to make several more, to test the range of the linkage between the painting. If it is great enough, we could instantly travel almost anywhere in Equestria, undetected.” The other Princesses followed her. “It is a broad security breech, and would allow easy spying,” painting-Luna said. “We shall have to make a decree that all magical paintings preclude being linked together if not in the same building,” painting-Celestia said. “And lock them as they are at Hogwarts to prevent unauthorized ponies from sneaking around in the Palace,” painting-Luna said, frowning. The other Luna nodded her agreement and added, “Mayhaps, modify the activation spell to include that as a fundamental component. Make it a new spell, so there is no way to make a . . . ‘mistake’.” Both Lunas gave Twilight a steady look that Harry took to mean as an order to do so. Painting Celestia looked at Celestia and her sisters. “Should we continue with the stained-glass project?” The Lunas looked pensive. “I think we can. Most of them are historical events and figures, they won’t have the personality that the paintings do. If we lock them from linking, or limit them to a few side-by-side in the public areas, I think that will suffice. With alarms to detect any tampering, of course.” Both turned and directly glared at their sisters. “And no hiding painting in each other’s bedrooms!” they declared warningly, in stereo. Both Celestias leaned back and placed a hoof on their respective chests, trying to look innocent. “I would never do that!” Oh, yes, she would, Harry couldn’t help but think. The two Princesses were always trying to out-prank one another. He couldn’t imagine the painting versions of themselves were not about to embark on a prank war with their non-painting others, and each other, too. Sir Cadogan chasing a student across the school through paintings would have nothing on these two pranksters! And now there were four of them. He would ask Hermione if she could find a spell that would stupefy and lock paintings — one had to exist. It might be a good habit to develop to always cast that before discussing or doing anything important. Even if the room didn’t appear to have any paintings! “But, still,” Celestia said, “Having a painting of us in several important venues would make Our response to problems much more immediate. And far more convenient than using the floo-network, at times.” She turned back to Twilight. “Anyway, Twilight, with these paintings, we will always be available for consultation should the need arise, or you have a question and don’t want to bother us with a message.” The rest of the morning was rather hectic. Various members of their group experimented with their newly discovered skill to turn into humans. Others played with jumping in and out of paintings, and discussing where the paintings would best be placed. Rarity was delighted to show off her collection of human clothing she was selling to the Embassy staff in Canterlot, and those people in Ponyville who hadn’t changed when they came through the portal. Sweetie Belle was drafted into being a teleport-porter for several trips. Rarity's off-hoof comment that she wanted to be prepared for when the twins came out with a candy that changed ponies into humans had the two exchanging startled glances. They then rushed to their room and locked themselves inside for the rest of the day, having lunch brought to them. The Princesses didn’t stay for long. Unfortunately, they had an official luncheon they had to attend. They had just settled in the dining room/kitchen for lunch when there was a knocking from the open door. Naturally, everyone looked up. It was a guard. “Princess Twilight?” he said. “You have a guest.” He stepped to one side and a unicorn mare hesitantly walked in. She had a brilliant-amber coat and light-bluish-green eyes. Her mane and tail were crimson with yellow stripes. Her cutie mark, when Harry finally saw it, was a stylized sun with swirl flames, divided like a yin/yang symbol but with the different halves of amber and red. Harry recognized the mare from his mum’s descriptions just as the guard announced. “Miss Sunset Shimmer, of Canterlot High.” He looked a bit puzzled at the name. She seemed surprised at the crowd in the room. Then she saw the decorations. “Oh,” she said, looking around more carefully. “It’s Hearth’s Warming?” “I thought I told you yesterday that it was Hearth’s Warming?” Twilight said, looking equally puzzled. The mare shrugged. “I thought you were joking. Just two months ago when you came over, you said it was summer, here. And as I told you last night, I just wanted a break from getting ready for finals, later this month.” She grinned happily, “Just two days there gives me a whole week, here, to relax.” Harry shook his head. His mum had told him about the other portal when they started exploring his, the summer before last. If it hadn’t been for the whole “stolen crown” issue, Twilight would never have bothered going through, in the first place. At that time, the portal was only open for three days every two-and-a-half years for the Equestrians. For the inhabitants on the other side, however, it was three days every seven-and-a-half months and some days. Any sort of meaningful trade was impossible under those conditions. In the past, a thousand years ago, the portal had opened into a violent, wild land. It would have been, according to his mum, about 1746AD, if it were his world. According to what she had learned from her research, both here and in Harry’s world, it had been inhabited only by the American Indians. At the time, it was claimed by France as Louisiana, which they said stretched from the Great Lakes to the Gulf Coast, from the edges of the British Colonies to the Rocky Mountains! Strangers were viewed with suspicion, in that world, and the people there frequently seemed to resort to violence as a first response. Celestia had been unwilling to abandon, for lack of a better word, any of her ponies in that strange and hostile place. Especially for such a length of time without any significant protection. She wasn’t even sure magic would still be available to her ponies who went through, once the portal closed. The next time the portal opened, she might not have had any of her ponies to retrieve. She deemed it too risky for too little reward. Consequently, she had ignored the portal as anything but a curiosity. As a result, Twilight had been more interested in Harry’s home world, even after visiting the other. It had appeared that his home’s portal led to a world far advanced over the primitive hostile natives that Star Swirl had advised them he had found beyond the other portal. When Sunset had returned through the portal over two years ago, it had been amazing to see how far they had advanced. The time differential, however, was still a major disappointment. When Twilight had helped with Sunset’s battle with the sirens, the following summer, she modified Sunset’s journal to allow them travel through the portal anytime they wanted. By then, even though Sunset’s world was at least two decades ahead of Harry’s world, the Princesses had already decided for Harry to attend Hogwarts, and thus were too invested in Harry’s world to explore that technological difference. Still, being able to transit any time she wanted made it sensible to use Equestria as a time saver. Have only three hours to do a paper that’s going to take eight hours to complete? Pop through and use the nine hours you now have for you to do a bang-up job on the paper! Harry was envious. He wished he had something that would let him have more time to finish certain tasks. It took a few minutes to complete the introductions, then they resumed their lunch. Sunset, of course, joined them, and asked a few questions about where they came from. The explanations of the portal they came through, and the world beyond, left her gobsmacked. An entire world of people who had magic, hidden in a world of people who didn’t. The first time someone mentioned Hogwarts, she got a funny expression, as if she were unsure of what she had heard. When Professors McGonagall, Flitwick, and Snape were mentioned, she suddenly surged to her hooves. “Wait a minute,” she said, accusingly, pointing a hoof at him. “You’re Harry James Potter!?” He frowned at her, “It’s Harry Potter-Sparkle, here, although I prefer Harry Sparkle.” “Prince Harry James Potter-Sparkle,” corrected his mum, to Sunset. “Doesn’t matter,” she said. Then speaking to Harry, she said, “You’re Harry Potter, your father was James Potter, and his best friends were Sirius Black and Remus Lupin? Right?” Wondering what she was going on about, he slowly nodded. He also wondered how she knew that about his father. She slowly turned to the black-coated unicorn filly with bushy brown mane and tail, and switched to pointing to her. “And you’re Hermione Jean Granger,” she accused. “Well, yes,” Hermione said, a bit reluctantly. “But we told you that.” “And your parents are dentists?” The two pegasi to either side of the filly, looked at each other, wondering how she knew that. They had been introduced as her parents, but hadn’t mentioned their professions. She slowly swung her arm to point at the Weasleys. “And you’re the Weasleys who live at The Burrow?” Exchanging mystified looks, they nodded and said they did. She sat down in shock. “Oh my god,” she said quietly. She glanced around the table several times. “Oh. My. God!” she repeated emphatically. She jumped to her hooves and waved one at them. “I’ll be right back,” she said excitedly. And jumped for the door. She grabbed the frame to stop herself, and spun to look back at them. “Oh, right, make that, I’ll see you at dinner!” Then they heard her gallop off down the corridor. They exchanged baffled looks, then looked at his mum. His mum just shrugged, as surprised as them. “I haven’t the slightest clue what she’s talking about.” They slowly returned to their lunch, wondering what had the mare so excited. ^-~-^ She returned well before dinner, but it was about three hours later. She ran into the main sitting room where they were still discussing where to put the paintings. Rarity had the various ponies showing off their people forms in the new clothes she was altering. Sunset was levitating a large box that was nearly as big as she was and a bag that was only a bit smaller. The guard was trailing her, looking lost. She ran up to his mum. “Tell me you have one-hundred-twenty-volt, sixty-cycle electricity somewhere in this castle,” she declared. His mum reared back. “Well, no,” she said. “I have only a two-thirty generator for our movies.” “Right, right,” she said, setting the bag and box down. She immediately opened the box and took out a telly that stood almost to her shoulder. “We can down-step the voltage with a simple two-to-one transformer, but we should use a fifty-to-sixty cycle converter.” “Come, lets go to your lab . . . I know you’ve got a lab, you’re too much of a geek not to be have one.” She started pulling his mum out of the room. “Oh,” she called to the rest of them, “and leave the bag alone, it’s a surprise.” While they were gone, the others looked over the new telly. It looked a bit like the one they normally used, except it had a flap under the screen that proclaimed it a Zenith VHS HQ with on-screen programming. An hour later, the two were back with a box with all sorts of wires and knobs poking out. His mum, still shaking her head, perplexed at why they were doing this, plugged three wires into the wall-socket for their telly. Setting the new telly on a table, she plugged its cord into the box they had made. She popped out for a second, then returned. “Generator’s on,” she said, looking curiously at Sunset. Giggling excitedly, Sunset took a tape cartridge out of the bag and shoved it into the flap. She arranged the telly so they all had a good view of it. Considering its size, it wasn’t that had to do. For a moment, nothing happened, Then the movie started. It had the normal “Coming Attractions” which Sunset used the remote to fast forward through, then the movie started. The music began. When the sign appeared that said, Privet Drive, they all leaned forward. A man with a long beard started walking into view, and a tabby cat watched him as he pulled the lights from the street lamps. When he placed the letter on the baby’s blanket, addressed to the Dursleys, followed by calling him Harry Potter, the room erupted into noise. “Just watch, just watch,” Sunset insisted. They did. They had dinner in the sitting room, that evening. When the end credits rolled, there was dead silence, at first. Harry slowly turned and looked at Sunset. “There’s a movie about me?” She giggled delightedly. “Oh, no. Not just a movie. There was a book, first. Then it became a series, one for each year at Hogwarts.” She laughed. “Now there are eight movies! The last book was so thick, they had to make it two movies!” Harry blinked, his eyes out of focus. “Eight movies,” he repeated in a whisper, appalled, so shocked he felt he might faint. “How did it measure up to your first year?” It was his mum who spoke. “His experiences were nothing like the movie, but the details . . .,” she turned her gaze to the telly. “The movie was scarily accurate in its details about the Sorcerer’s Stone.” “Really?” Sunset said, excited at the prospect. “Are you sure?” his mum said accusingly, “That that world doesn’t have magic?” Sunset shook her head. “Absolutely none, until the crown came through. Fans of the books have been to all those locations and never seen anything out of the ordinary. There’s no Little Whinging, no Privet Drive, No Leaky Cauldron, nothing. They’ve got cameras on every corner in Britain, and not caught a single person doing anything that might be called magic. “Even the author, J.K. Rowling, insists they are just fiction. She said she even made major changes at her publisher’s request before the first book was published.” She pulled a second bag out of the first. “Here. These are the books. I’m sure you’ll want to see how they compare to the movies.” She set them on the table beside the telly. She paused a moment. “Want to see the second movie? It’s called ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’.” When the movie was barely over, his mum asked, “If the book was right about the Stone, Quirrell, and the basilisk, and it was, what else do the books get right?” Ginny’s parents immediately started questioning her on whether or not she had ever even seen a diary that had the name Riddle on it. Sunset was a good deal more serious than she had been, seeing their reaction. It wasn’t just fiction, simply a funny coincidence that they had a Hogwarts with many of the same people as her books. “Do you think that maybe there’s another universe where this has all happened,” she asked hesitantly, “and that J.K. Rowling somehow picked it up?” She paused and thought. “Maybe you should watch the last two movies tomorrow, Twi? The Deathly Hallows movies are where they get into the things that are like that diary.” She stared at her friend uncertainly. “Yes, perhaps we should,” his mum replied seriously. For the first time in a long time, Harry had nightmares about the Dursleys. Was that really what his life would have been like if he hadn’t fallen through that portal into Equestria? He woke up the fillies twice before morning officially arrived. ^-~-^ When morning finally arrived, a tired Harry and the three fillies headed for breakfast, they discovered that his mum hadn’t gone to bed when the rest did. Instead of waiting for morning, apparently, she and Sunset had watched the last two movies that night, and then gone to bed. The sitting-room was closed and locked, with a note forbidding them from watching the rest of the movies until later. A separate note said the books were off-limits, too. His mum wanted to verify a few facts on the other side of the portal, first. They shrugged, and went on to breakfast. Sunset and his mum were still sleeping apparently. Or, maybe, they had gone to Hogwarts. The day was hectic, anyway, as the twins tried to organize a Quidditch match as humans with the local pony team. It wasn’t that difficult, to be honest. The only question Harry had was, why did the entire Weasley crew pack their broomsticks? The only answer he got was, “why not?” The humans lost, hands down. Pegasi were just too quick. On the other hoof, the Weasleys did put up quite the fight as they used tricks and techniques the pegasi had never seen and didn’t expect. Still, they lost. But they had a great time, and so did the many spectators that showed up as the games went on — they played more than one. That led, the next day, to several daring unicorns and earth ponies trying to ride the brooms, with rather mixed success. It was the innovation of one sharp-eyed and quick-witted unicorn to adapt the flight spells used on Snitches and Bludgers to an Icarus-style wing harnesses. *** It took several attempts before they succeeded, and quite a few uses of the aresto momentum spell. They also discovered that they really should use non-flammable materials. Or at least make sure the impervius charm was used quite liberally on all the components. Sweetie Belle managed to get in trouble for “borrowing” some of the materials from her sister without asking, first. For the daredevils, of which there were a few, the stripped-down broomstick spells cast on the harnesses gave a real enough experience of being a pegasus that a new sport for the non-pegasi was well on its way to popularity. Harry noticed several guards taking notes and conferring with each other by the end of the day. The twins announced they would carry the harnesses in their stores in Equestria — currently managed by Filthy Rich. ^·_·^ Over the next few days, they were allowed to watch the rest of the movies, two movies a night. His mum told him she had been through the portal and checked out the locations mentioned in the movies as hiding places for the horcruxes. They had all checked out, which meant they didn’t have to worry that they had missed one. As Tom Riddle hadn’t had a chance to flee in first year, they didn’t have to worry about the snake Nagini being one, either. With Tom being a prisoner, that was that. The diary, however, was a worrisome problem. From what the Headmaster knew, he didn’t think the presence of another horcrux would save any of the others. When they found and destroyed the diary, that fragment would be destroyed, as well. Still, they were to keep their eyes and ears open. The possibility of the vicious wizard returning with his pre-graduation personality and knowledge was a serious proposition. Not having access to the magic he had learned after leaving Hogwarts was only a little consoling. If the movies hadn’t been so semi-autobiographical in nature, Harry, and the others from the other side of the portal might have found them more enjoyable. As it was, the this-could-have-been-your-life air to the movies was surreal. Harry decided he was very relieved that Sunset had decided she needed a break from getting ready for those games. Inadvertently, she had ended up giving them a marvellous Hearth’s Warming present! Not to mention showing Harry just how much his mum, and the herd, had changed his life for the better. He swore to himself to be the kind of pony that deserved what they had done for him. ^-_-^ The fillies were up to something, he just knew it. They’d be talking about something, but when he entered the room or ventured too close, they suddenly shut up. Or pretended what they were talking about wasn’t important enough to tell him. The last time they had done that, they were planning a surprise party. But his birthday was nowhere near. Plus, they seemed to be spending a lot of time speaking with the Royal Paintings, which still hadn’t been situated anywhere permanent. It didn’t help that the two Royals in the paintings seemed to smirk whenever returning to Hogwarts was mentioned. ^-_-^ Unfortunately, all was not fun and games for Harry. On Tuesday, he had the most uncomfortable conversation he had ever had. Ever. Without reservation. Most Uncomfortable. Conversation. Ever. It wasn’t the material, so much — although that was tremendously embarrassing by itself. No, it was having to learn all that from Blueblood. The only worse source would have been his mum. It was just as they were finishing breakfast that Blueblood walked into the dining room. After greeting the Princess and the others, he turned to Harry. “If you have a few minutes, I’d like to talk with you.” He raised his eyebrows, which was his way of letting Harry know it was more of an order than a request. Harry looked at his blushing mum and received a small nod. He shrugged and stood. “I’ll see you guys in a few minutes, I guess,” he said to the others. Blueblood immediately turned and started out. Harry hurried after him. A short walk later, they entered what was obviously a small study. The wall to their left had a fireplace, which came to life with a flump — probably Squeaker at work. Bookcases to the sides framed the hearth. It faced two armchairs angled towards each other. They were reminiscent of those at Hogwarts, only lower and designed for a pony, with a big soft pillow and wings on the back-rest that projected forward enough to rest your head against if you wanted. Between them was a table with two bottles and two glasses, one small the other large. The far wall had a bookcase built around a large window with Ponyville as a background and the right wall had a wide desk in front of it. Blueblood closed the door behind them and led him to the armchairs. As he seated himself, he poured a small amount of an amber fluid into the small glass and a fizzy drink into the large one from the other bottle. Harry hesitantly took the other seat and looked at the aristocratic pony. Blueblood looked at his glass as it hovered in front of him. “It’s a bit early for this,” he said dryly, and took a sip of his glass. He closed his eyes for a moment, then breathed out a small flame, startling the colt. He looked at Harry intently. “Tell me, Harry, has anyone bothered to explain to you about stallions and mares, and where foals come from?” Harry’s mouth fell open in shock. Harry learned many things that afternoon, the least of which, at the end, was that Firewhiskey was an acquired taste. With only one small glass of it, he decided to withhold final judgement. The most important was that a certain three fillies had already filed an intent to herd with a certain colt. They wanted first dibs, it appeared, as Blueblood explained. The second most important were the two spells that Blueblood claimed were the most significant spells he would ever learn — a contraceptive spell for himself and another for his partner. He wasn’t allowed to leave the room until he had mastered both to Blueblood’s satisfaction. Blueblood insisted he keep and study diligently the full-colour, illustrated, moving-pictures book he used as a teaching aid that afternoon. When Harry left the study, much later, he wasn’t sure if his shaky legs were from the Firewhiskey he had sampled or the subject matter they had discussed. In either case, no one saw hide nor hair of the gold-and-red colt at dinner or afterwards. Book-walking had never been so interesting — or disconcerting. Harry now knew far more about mare anatomy, seasons, and bearing foals than he had ever wanted to know. He knew the signs to look for and when to expect them. He also knew the sorts of things adult mares liked, from what they expected on Hearts and Hooves Day to the more age-appropriate gifts and actions fillies expected. He wasn’t transformed into a mare’s stallion by any stretch of the imagination. On the other hoof, now he knew the minefield he had been blithely walking through for the last three years. He was extremely grateful that the fillies had been so patient with him, waiting and not pushing for what they wanted, things that older colts and young stallions would immediately have picked up on. They had known he was clueless and oblivious to what was going on. He missed the last two movies that evening. Several days later, he watched them, and learned why Fred and George had been so shaken the morning after viewing the last movie. ^-~-^ No pony saw him the next day. His bedroom door remained resolutely closed with a small sign pasted to it, scrawled with “DO NOT DISTURB!!!!” Twilight blushed when the fillies questioned her, and told them not to worry, and just to give the colt some space. Unfortunately, though, this new information left the poor colt in a permanent state of awkwardness every time he saw a mare or filly for the rest of the holidays, short though they were. He was blushing almost constantly when he was with them, especially if any of them were in front of him. Which, outnumbering him five to one, there was always at least one, if not two or three, of them leading the way when they went anywhere in Ponyville. He refused to talk about why he had secluded himself, blushing a deeper red than he already was whenever they asked him. Ginny and Hermione were quite annoyed when they discovered that there would be no more pony-piles in his bedroom at night. Nor in theirs when they tried to get him to join them. Luna was merely disappointed. She hadn’t had much experience with ponies sleeping together and the first few times, here in Equestria, had been relaxing and comforting. She pouted a lot at not getting anymore. The other fillies never said anything, but Harry got the impression that while they were unhappy at missing out on the pony piles, they were relieved that the crystal pony wasn’t in Harry’s bedroom with them. If the fillies’ parents had been trying to force this on them, there would have been many loud arguments. However, it was Harry that was refusing the group sleeping arrangements. That he also refused to explain his reasoning was frustrating to the fillies. The various human parents, however, were relieved when they heard the girls grousing about that fact. They no longer had to worry about their girls disappearing from their rooms in the middle of the night. The ponies seemed to have a very “it’s perfectly harmless” attitude towards the subject that didn’t sit well with the humans. Except Mr. Lovegood, he didn’t seem to think anything of it, saying only, “She’s learning to be a pony. I expect she’ll write an article for The Quibbler.” That it was Harry raising objections restored some of the parents’ faith in the colt. ^-~-^