I lay in my bed in the middle of the night, unable to close my eyes and rest peacefully after the events of the day. The night was bright and warm, and the stars shone beautifully through my window, but they did little to ease my troubled mind.
Things had gone better than I might have expected, that was true. Shining Armor had decided against launching an assault on the hive; how much of that decision could be attributed to the fact that my brother still lived there, I didn’t know, but I didn’t care as long as Pharynx was safe! But why did Shining care about him all of a sudden? Pharynx had been an important element in orchestrating the Canterlot invasion, even if he couldn’t have participated himself! Shining should have hated him! So why spare him? Was it because of me, out of a sense of duty to protect his subjects’ families regardless of what he thought about them? No, it couldn’t be that. I was his subject, so wouldn’t he have felt a similar sense of obligation against tormenting me regardless of what he thought about me? And Pharynx wasn’t even his subject! The idea was downright absurd! Did ponies have some weird code of honor that obliged them to respect high-ranking enemy soldiers? No, I told myself, not likely; and even if they did, why would it manifest itself in this way?
Actually, did it even have anything to do with Pharynx? It didn’t have to; Shining might have simply been dissatisfied with the amount of information I’d given him, and rightfully so: I hadn’t even gotten to mentioning the non-changeling-magic-suppressing nature of Chrysalis’ throne! Maybe it was a good thing that I hadn’t; cracking that line of defense might have been interpreted as a challenge of his abilities that he’d have gladly accepted, and there was no way that would end well for his troops!
At least he was the only pony who wouldn’t let my mind rest. Sunburst had shown no ill will in regard to my brother, neither in the sense that he existed nor in the sense that I’d neglected to mention him up until now; if anything, he’d shown interest in Pharynx, almost as if I’d been preparing to introduce them to each other! The same could be said for Cadance, who had shown up in my room shortly after Sunburst had left, wanting to reassure me and to see if I needed any help after the latest session of questioning, though she hadn’t mentioned the immediate aftermath. Did she even know what I’d almost done? I hoped she didn’t! I’d been enough of a burden to her already!
All was well, apparently. Pharynx was safe, and nopony really minded his existence or my relation to him.
So why couldn’t I let it go?
Shining’s aura of love had been unusually jumbled. Was that it? And why? It had seemed genuine enough, but how could I be sure that I’d interpreted it correctly in the state of mind that had been just as chaotic? Couldn’t that mess of an aura have contained a malicious hint concealed somewhere within it? Had he simply been testing me, telling me what I’d wanted to hear so I’d get careless and reveal more than I intended to? But why tell me to urge Pharynx to keep away… unless he’d done that to see if I’d take the bait and reveal that I still had a way to communicate with the hive? I didn’t, and even if I did, I would have been very reluctant to use it for anything, including to send warnings to Pharynx! That would undoubtedly reveal to Chrysalis that I was still alive, maybe even where I’d gone to!
Had Shining sent Sunburst and Cadance to get me to talk about Pharynx knowing that I’d open up to them much more easily? They hadn’t given me a reason to doubt their sincerity, but if I’d been distraught enough - and I had been distraught - how could I be sure that I hadn’t missed anything in them?
Easy there, Thorax, I told myself. You’re taking it to changeling level of deception!
Oh no-
What if Shining had been a changeling in disguise, getting me to betray as much as I could in controlled conditions before capturing me so my punishment could be more severe and more painful? Every drone I knew, with the possible exception of Pharynx, would love to see me scream for mercy as I get tortured to death!
Okay, Thorax, now you’ve gone headfirst into crazy territory. Shining isn’t a changeling, you’re not being set up, and nothing will happen to you-
What was that?!
I sprang up into a sitting position and put my full attention to the window. The stars were still bright and nothing was happening, but I was sure I’d seen a shadow pass quickly through the sky!
Relax, I tried to convince my heart to quit trying to explode. It was just a pegasus guard on night sentry…
...but did the Crystal Empire have aerial sentries circling the castle at nighttime?
No, I had to admit I didn’t think they did. I probably would have noticed by now! Was this new in the light of-
There! Again!
Except, it kind of didn’t look like a pegasus. It had dashed by too quickly to let me notice any details, but something told me that, whatever it might have been, it wasn’t a pegasus, guard or otherwise.
I swallowed a lump in my throat. What could be flying here like this, and why hadn’t I seen it before?
Realizing sleep was definitely not an option until I got to the bottom of this, I got out of bed. I almost opened the window to take a closer look, but stopped myself in time. No. Don’t get blasted again. Go out in the hallway and ask Paladin about it.
Yes, I should ask Paladin. He would know!
My legs had never been so shaky and wobbly as they were now while I attempted the few steps to the door. My wings were twitching uncontrollably so hard that I knew it was pointless to try to use them instead. Eventually I made it there and, just as shakily, pushed the door open.
Please be there, Paladin, please be there…
He was.
“Oh, thank goodness you’re here,” I breathed a sigh of relief as I stepped into the hallway, now moving much more easily than a second ago. “This might sound crazy, but-”
“You’ve seen them,” he stated in an ominous half-whisper, half-hiss that sent chills down my carapace.
“Uh… th-them?” I stammered, backtracking a step, suddenly not so sure that coming to him had been a good idea. What was wrong with him? I’d never seen him act like that!
I got my answer right away, and immediately wished I hadn’t asked.
Paladin’s skin and armor burst apart into a thousand feathery rags, revealing a changeling inside who hissed at me threateningly.
I recoiled, let out a startled yelp, and fell on my rump, then got up faster than I thought anyone could, and immediately launched into a gallop down the hallway. Was he following me? I couldn’t tell! My panting was so loud that I couldn’t hear any hoofsteps or buzzing of wings over it, and I didn’t dare risk a glance behind me!
A few empty hallways later, I nearly collided with a mare strolling around apparently aimlessly.
“Berry? What are you doing here?” I asked.
Instead of answering, she gave me a creepy smirk, then her skin burst into feathery rags like Paladin’s had, revealing another changeling.
I spun around and galloped away again, taking a turn into the nearest hallway that I thought I hadn’t come through a minute ago. Or had I? I’d been running blindly and carelessly! I wasn’t sure where I’d gone through!
A stairwell appeared before me. I stopped briefly, wondering if I should take it, when I saw shadows coming up from around the corner of an adjacent hallway.
Up or down?
I went up on a whim. Fleeing from the stairwell one floor up in case any of them had realized where I’d gone, I wondered what to do next. Wait, wasn’t Sunburst’s room around here somewhere? I could ask him for help!
The hallways were empty here and I allowed myself to slow down to a trot. I needed to catch my breath and calm down a little. Okay, a lot. Besides, where was Sunburst’s room exactly? I’d only been there once or twice, and I’d gotten there by another stairwell that time!
Eventually I arrived at what I thought was the right door. Was Sunburst even going to be there? I knocked.
The door opened and revealed Whirligig inside, dressed in a sleeping gown.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “I was looking for-”
“Shut up!” she hissed, exploding into another changeling like Paladin and Berry had.
Okay, definitely the wrong door! I dashed away again.
Just around the corner, a door opened and little Flurry Heart came into the hallway, all by herself. I skidded to a halt. What now? I wasn’t supposed to come anywhere near her, but she was too young to wander the castle all by herself, especially in the middle of the night, double-especially with changelings roaming about! I had to get her to safety somehow!
I took a tentative step forward, wondering what to say to her to get her to cooperate as much as possible, but then she flew up in the air and let out a roar before exploding into a changeling herself.
Not again!
I gave up trying to look for help and went running again; I had to get out of there first and then I could plan strategies from a safe distance! My first instinct was to get to a stairwell and go down all the way to street level, but when I found one, a Royal Guard was coming up and exploded into a changeling as soon as our eyes met. I turned around, and a few civilian ponies were coming up to me, exploding into changelings one by one in rapid succession when they got close enough!
No way but up! Go, go!
I took to the air as I went up, hoping I’d be faster that way. My heart thumped wildly and my panic rose to untold heights as more and more ponies exploded into hissing changelings on every floor the further up I went. Some of them were even following me up the stairs and exploding in pursuit! And they were gaining on me! They could reach me any moment!
A random thought popped into my head, and I half wondered why it had chosen this particular moment to do so when it could have much earlier: how were these changelings doing that? This wasn’t normal shapeshifting magic! Had they invented a new spell since my escape? But how, and why? Did they still have access to the one I knew? And what about me? What would my shapeshifting sequence look like now?
No time! Think about it later!
I didn’t know how far or for how long I’d been fleeing - it seemed like forever - but eventually the stairwell ended, opening onto an observatory at the top of the castle. Cadance, Shining Armor, and Sunburst were there; I was momentarily relieved to see them, until I realized they had no obvious reason to be there together doing nothing. Shouldn’t they all be either asleep or battling the changeling hordes? Did they even know what was going on?
My heart sank when Sunburst and Shining Armor, both suddenly scowling, stepped behind me, blocking my path to the stairwell I’d just come from. My suspicions of what was about to happen came true when they, too, shed the feathery rags that had composed their skins until that moment.
All the other changelings up to that point had been random drones I’d either never met or come across in passing. Not these two.
Sunburst was Psycho, the sub-commander overseeing the security of the Throne Room and the Queen’s personal bodyguards. I’d had plenty of close contact with him, mostly amounting to me cowering on the ground under the salvo of his kicks and punches and the venom that drooled from his fangs as he relished my helpless whimpers.
And Shining Armor was Pharynx. My own brother, hissing at me as if he knew I’d betrayed him that very afternoon.
He did know, I realized. I’d betrayed him to his disguised self!
I opened my mouth, wanting to apologize to him, to beg his forgiveness, when a buzzing sound caught my attention and dozens of undisguised drones hovered into sight out of the dark sky. Some of them must have been the mysterious shadows I’d seen earlier! I looked around me; they were everywhere! They created a bubble, a living wall around the observatory, and no one and nothing could get past them!
Cadance stood still in that menacing circle, a grave and ominous expression on her face. I knew it wasn’t really her; she too would explode any moment now and reveal a changeling within her!
And she did.
The changeling within her was the one I would have given everything never to come across again, ever.
“Nice to see you again, traitor,” she said with a bloodthirsty smirk.
“Please… I didn’t mean to…”
“Save it! Why did you run away if you ‘didn’t mean to’?”
“I-”
“Why did you drain a pony if you ‘didn’t mean to’?” Psycho hissed.
“That wasn’t-”
“Why did you sell me out to the enemy if you ‘didn’t mean to’?” Pharynx growled.
“Pharynx…”
Chrysalis grabbed me in her magic and pulled me to herself.
“Oh, you sweet little naive grub,” she cooed. “Did you really think we wouldn’t see through your lies?”
“No… I wasn’t-”
She slapped me across the face. I tasted blood.
“Who gave you permission to speak?!” she bellowed.
“Sorry-”
Another slap, this one strong enough to rip my head off the rest of my body and send it flying. I cried out.
“What’s the matter, traitor? Does that hurt?”
I nodded shakily.
“What about this?” Another vicious punch. “And this?” Another, one that could dismantle a fully-grown timberwolf. “And this?” One more, after which she dropped me onto the floor.
Panting in pain and coughing up blood, I tried to overcome the dizziness and stand up before she could get the idea to stomp me. It wouldn’t have been the first time!
“I’m listening, traitor,” she commanded, turning me face-up and pressing a hoof down on my neck, firmly enough to pin me to the floor but not so firmly that I couldn’t speak. “Did that hurt?”
I nodded again. I couldn’t find the strength in me to utter a sound that wasn’t a yelp or a whimper!
“Do you realize this little bit of pain doesn’t even come close to the pain you’ve caused the hive with that treacherous stunt of yours?”
Closing my eyes, I nodded again. Whether or not it was true didn’t matter; there was only one answer she was going to accept!
“And what kind of punishment does that call for?”
I gulped. That too had only one answer that would satisfy her, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.
She stomped my chest; something cracked audibly and a wave of intense pain washed over my whole body.
“I asked you a question! What kind of punishment do you deserve?”
“As… as severe as possible… Your Highness…” I rasped with all the effort I could muster.
“There’s a good drone,” she mocked me. “Too bad it took a death sentence to get you there!”
She blasted me with the most powerful torture spells she had at her disposal. It hurt more than ever before and I couldn’t hold back the tears and the screaming! And the more I screamed, the worse it got: as always, my pain acted as fuel to her wrath! Before long, it felt like she was unleashing all of her torture spells at once, each at the highest intensity!
I screamed on in unbearable agony, my racing heart begging her to stop if only for a moment, knowing too well that moment would never come in what little was left of my lifetime. She’d tracked me down, she finally had me in her grip, and she was going to make me suffer for every second I’d spent away from the hive! And though I couldn’t imagine a more painful ordeal, I was sure she’d barely even started and would get infinitely more vicious!
After what felt like centuries, an earthquake started out of nowhere. It shook me violently, but somehow or other, Chrysalis was unaffected and still blasting away at me with all she had. The tremors persisted and intensified, and I gradually became aware of a voice calling my name. Was I hallucinating? Were the other changelings mocking me? I ignored the voice; it wasn’t hard with all the pain that Chrysalis was still raining down on me!
But the earthquake persisted and got stronger, and the voice grew louder, loud enough to almost match Chrysalis’ spells! I couldn’t ignore it anymore; as soon as I realized it, the sky ripped itself apart, and Chrysalis fizzled out of existence.
I found myself in my bed, with tears streaming down my face, shivering and panting uncontrollably, surrounded by Cadance, Shining Armor, Sunburst, Paladin, and a couple of other ponies whose names I didn’t know.
Sunburst stopped shaking me and said, “Whew! I thought you’d never wake up!”
Ashamed, I drew the blanket over my snout so only my eyes were visible.
“Oh no, I was screaming again, wasn’t I?”
“Yes,” Cadance said, motioning to the unknown ponies to leave. “Are you alright now?”
“Yes… no… I have no idea!” I pulled the blanket over myself entirely. “I’m sorry!”
Cadance uncovered my head gently. “It’s okay, Thorax! I told you already, you don’t have to apologize!”
“What were you dreaming about, anyway?” Sunburst asked.
“Changelings… changelings were here… chasing me… then Chrysalis… she waited for me… knew I was here… She tortured me… it never hurt that much in my life…”
“You can feel pain in your dreams?” Shining interjected.
I nodded.
“No wonder I could hear you all the way to the library!” Sunburst exclaimed.
The library? I’d been that loud?!
“About that,” Shining said. “If you’re going to keep screaming every other night…”
“I won’t! I promise! I should have resolved it ages ago! Um, will this do?” I hacked up a glob of resinous slime into my hooves and wrapped it around my whole snout like a tight, sticky muzzle. Everypony grimaced, and Cadance lit up her horn and tore the slime off my face.
“What are you doing?” she asked. “That’s crazy!”
“It is?” I asked, confused.
“Of course it is! Where in Equestria did you get the idea to do such a thing?”
“It’s what my brother used to do,” I shrugged. “I’ve had frequent nightmares all my life and sometimes they were bad enough to cause me to scream. The other drones weren’t happy about getting randomly woken up in the middle of the night and they would have beaten me up many times for it if Pharynx hadn’t been there to threaten them off. But he took it upon himself pretty quick to curb my screaming as best as he could. That usually meant gluing my mouth shut with slime whenever I started making sounds, you know, like I did a minute ago, but if he was in an especially cranky mood, he wouldn’t bother with it and he’d just keep punching me until I woke up.”
“Okay, so we need to punch you next time,” Shining said. “Good to know.”
“Shining!” Cadance protested.
“Your brother has a sick way of solving problems,” Paladin interjected. “No offense.”
“I don’t understand… How am I supposed to stop myself from screaming in my sleep if silencing myself in advance isn’t an option?” I fumbled with my blanket. “I suppose I could start biting myself at bedtime, but the venom’s effects probably won’t last throughout the night…”
Cadance winced, Sunburst facehoofed, Shining raised an eyebrow, and Paladin tilted his head.
“Um… that’s not an option, either?”
“Thorax, everything you’ve suggested so far would only conceal the outward manifestations of your nightmares from the ponies around you, but none of it tackles the root of the problem! You shouldn’t have to endure nightmares at all, and you shouldn’t hide from others that you have them just because you feel bad about waking someone up!”
“Forgive me, Princess, but that’s easier said than done!”
“Maybe not. I’ll write to Luna right away. If anypony can help you, it’s her! In the meantime, please try to relax, and don’t hesitate to ask any of us for help!” She trotted out of the room.
“Try not to scream again, will you?” Shining said.
“I’ll try…”
He nodded and left too.
“Think you’ll be alright?” Sunburst asked.
“Yeah… probably… After all, it was only a nightmare. How bad can it be? It’s not like my life was in danger or anything,” I said, not sounding convinced even to myself.
“I don’t know, Thorax,” Paladin said. “You sounded like you were having your skin ripped off in a pool of boiling lava!”
“...honestly, it hurt worse than that.” I shuddered.
The two exchanged glances.
“Hey, if you want either of us to stay with you for the rest of the night…” Sunburst offered.
“Yeah, we’ll wake you at the first sign of another nightmare,” Paladin added.
“Thanks guys, but I really think I need to learn to pull myself together without having to rely on others to snap me out of it when I cross the line.”
“And that’s an admirable goal, but I bet you could get there faster with some help from a friend! We may not be able to turn your nightmares into pleasant dreams, but we can snap you out of them, and we can create an environment for you in which you’ll have fewer fears and worries that can trigger a nightmare.”
“And since I’m supposed to guard you anyway, it doesn’t make a lot of difference to me if I do it here rather than in the hallway.”
“You really think that’ll help?”
“Yes,” said Sunburst. “Some comfort food might too, if you’re up for it.”
“Comfort food? You mean, feeding on you now? I already did that in the morning!”
“And an extra meal won’t kill me! C’mon, Thorax, we want to help you! Haven’t you learned that already?”
“...okay, fine,” I relented. “I guess I could use a little help…”
The hugs they gave me had never tasted better!