//------------------------------//
// Fire 
// Story: Mediocronomicon 
// by NorrisThePony 
//------------------------------//

Twilight Sparkle took a long sip of the harsh black coffee contained in a travel mug adorned in colourful little cartoony depictions of the Sun. Breathing out a sigh of relief as she felt the black magic of caffeine already starting to work its wonderous sorcery, she turned her attention to the unicorn mare trotting to meet her in the promenade of Canterlot Castle. 

"Princess Twilight." She gave a curt bow. 

"Raven, good morning," Twilight returned. "I came as fast as I could." She frowned. "Er, or. As fast as I could while still stopping at Marebucks on the way in." 

"Of course, Princess Twilight," Raven replied. "It's... it's the Princess, you see. I did not want to be rude, but I fear something is... wrong, with her." 

"Wrong?" Twilight rose an eyebrow, sipping her coffee again. "Is she okay?"

"Oh yes, nothing like that. But, well. You haven't read the tabloids, yet, I presume?" 

Twilight shook her head. Hardly reading material that was her speed. 

"Well, no matter." Raven shrugged. They were already at the enormous double doors leading into Celestia's throne room, regardless. "She's inside. Good luck, and goddess-speed, Twilight Sparkle. I fear you will need it for the endeavour to follow." 

Twilight took a steely breath to prepare herself, and then pushed open the doors without hesitation. 

"Twilight!" Celestia was alone in the throne room, and she greeted Twilight with her trademark warm smile and wing hug. But... something was different about her. Her mane, usually wavy and majestic, had been rearranged into a ponytail, and she had discarded her regalia in favour of a tartan scarf and a pair of lens-less glasses.  "How is my darling bae doing?" 

Twilight blinked. She had to twitch an ear to confirm she'd heard Celestia right, but replaying the moment in her brain and she knew she'd heard what she'd thought. "W-what?"

"I must say, that coffee smells divine AF, Twilight." 

"What in Tartarus are you doing, Celestia?" 

"Oh, me? I'm simply trying to jive more with the youth, Twilight! You see, Canterlot Daily put out a review of how, like, totally down to earth and stuff the Princesses are, and I was... admittedly somewhat tilted about where I ranked in the endeavour. So, I figured perhaps I should clap back with a more modern and relatable persona!" 

"Sweet merciful Sunchips." Twilight breathed out, taking a long sip of her coffee to calm her misfiring nerves. 

Celestia, however, continued on as though she hadn't heard what Twilight had said. "I mean, at first I was like, bruh, double-you-tee-eff! But then I realized that they were lowkey kinda based in their assessment of me. So... meet a new version of Princess Celestia who is absolutely fire!" 

Twilight gawked. Of all the villains she'd encountered, all the friendship problems she had devoted herself to solving, never before had she come across something so horrific and unholy. "Princess, that is absolutely ridiculous." 

Celestia blinked, her smile becoming forced. "It... it is?" 

"It, like, so totally is." Twilight said, as bluntly as she could manage. "You do realize that those popularity polls are nonsense, right?" 

"Well, perhaps, but ponies still read them. And I can't just be some royal untouchable relic to them." 

"Well, uh, maybe not. But that doesn't mean you should change who you are, either. I mean, ponies like motherly, wise Celestia. If they wanted to take up their issues with a relatable valley girl instead... they'd, uh. Probably go visit Princess Cadance." 

Celestia stifled a chuckle. "Okay, point taken." 

Twilight spotted the aforementioned gossip mag stowed away beneath Princess Celestia's throne--the catalyst to such a horrific turn of her morning. She quickly levitated it over, holding it up for Celestia. "Now, as for you being 'fire'..." 

Celestia tilted her head thoughtfully, before the thought clicked in her head. Lighting her own horn, she brought it to the gossip magazine. 

And, in a flare of light, the unholy artifact was lit ablaze. 

And peace returned to Canterlot once again.