Cozy

by ferret


The Glass Filly

The day dawned bright and early, and with still no sign of Twilight Sparkle, five ponies and a dragon were on the first train to Canterlot. It was a somber journey, with even the fun one not making a lot of hoot and holler about it. Unfortunately, Cozy Glow didn’t know any of this. She was far away from what was going down in Canterlot, in a nice, safe room with a door that didn’t open from the inside.

All she knew was that Nurse Coldheart came to her window, at a time when Cozy was expecting somepony else, saying, “Hey there. You ready to come out to the exercise yard?”

“Where’s Rarity?” Cozy Glow asked cautiously, looking up at the nurse through the window.

“She had some of that Elements business,” the yellow furred nurse replied nonchalantly, “They all took a train to Canterlot today.”

“What for?” Cozy asked, squinting at the nurse.

“I dunno. They don’t tell me anything!” Nurse Coldheart said with a wry grin. With a clack, Cozy Glow’s door was swinging open. “Come on then filly, let’s get you to go out and play!” she said with a lot more enthusiasm than Cozy Glow felt. Elements business? What could that possibly mean? What could—

“Come on,” the nurse prompted her, and Cozy looked up stuttering,

“O-oh right yes. Coming!”


Cozy Glow also didn’t know that Princess Celestia was having a nice, uneventful Tuesday morning. The usual petitioners were coming in, in a nice orderly file, and one thing she appreciated from a thousand years of this was when she could attend to each and every of her little ponies without having to rush. There was a minor labor conflict with the sheep, but that was hardly an unusual occurrence, and would be dealt with magnanimously, in due time. The princess sipped at her tea, tactfully ignoring the detestable flavor as she discussed one particular mare’s earnest entreaties to increase funding for the Equestrian knitting league.

Princess Celestia knew immediately that her governmental paradise was not to last, when a royal guard came hurrying up alongside the line. Equestria had been in a progressive movement in past decades, so the guard was one of the new female guards on staff. Celestia sincerely hoped that she wouldn’t have to wait until this mare retired to have her stallion guards back. Still, the mare who approached was as good at her job as any other, and the princess paid her heed as she approached, stopping her petitioner’s diatribe with some choice words, “One moment please, Ms. Turnip. This looks important.”

“The Element Bearers are here, your highness!” the mare said with a curt salute, “They wish for a private audience!”

As Princess Celestia was about to reply, the guard added, “Lady Rarity said to add that it is important but not immi... immini... not dire your highness, so you do not need to cancel your morning petitions!”

Celestia had to smile at that. There was a reason Rarity was her favorite.

She had the Bearers escorted to her private chambers, and completed her business before going to them, but she couldn’t resist rushing everything now, because for them to come to her was... well, when Discord, the mad spirit of chaos escaped, Princess Celestia had to summon them herself, before they would come to Canterlot. As important as they were to Equestria, these were Ponyville ponies through and through, and even Twilight felt drawn to Ponyville and away from Princess Celestia, because of course that’s where her friends were!

Thus for them to leave their home and come to her of their own volition, without so much as sending her a letter in advance... Princess Celestia knew something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

The six, no, five bowed gracefully, or at least sincerely once Celestia walked into her private chambers to meet them. That’s why she liked it when she could be the one who enters the room, because it was just so awkward for ponies to walk into the room, stop, bow, then resume walking into the room. The princess sincerely liked to think this way was more expedient.

“We’re terribly sorry to worry you, Princess,” Rarity spoke, rising first, “We’ve already checked Moondancer’s tower and every library. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong at all in Canterlot, so... what has Twilight Sparkle been doing here?”

Blinking, Princess Celestia said, “Twilight Sparkle was here? She didn’t approach me, with whatever she was doing here.”

“She went to Canterlot!” Spike said in worrying alarm, “She said she had to speak with you!”

The pieces were starting to come together, as Princess Celestia said in growing horror, “I haven’t seen Twilight Sparkle since her school was shut down last Winter. What do you mean, she had to speak with me?”

“She was trying to figure out some... some ancient history stuff, and since you’re... uh...” Spike blanched.

“1,349 years old,” Celestia replied evenly, “Yes she can come ask me about ancient history, though I remember very little myself, more than a few centuries back. She can also use the Canterlot libraries, even the restricted wings, to—”

“Already checked those,” Rainbow Dash said informatively, “We aren’t allowed in, but the guards hadn’t seen her either, so unless she snuck in somehow, she’s not in there.”

“But where could she have gone, then?” Rarity asked in heated confusion. “Why would she lie to Spike about teleporting to Canterlot?”

“What if she didn’t make it to Canterlot?” a horrified Spike said, “What if she winked out, then never winked back in again!”

“Can you do that?” Fluttershy asked in horror, “Can you wink out, without winking back in again?”

“Certainly not!” Rarity declared confidently, adding less than confidently, “I mean... I am fairly sure, at least. Twilight is the expert on winking more than myself. I was just going to talk to her about that, in fact!”

“What were you going to say?” Fluttershy asked.

“I was going to talk with her about how little trouble winking is,” Rarity said grumpily, “It’s become so popular these days, even Sweetie Belle knows how to do it!”

“You taught her how to wink?” Rainbow Dash asked giving Rarity a critical look.

“I certainly did not!” Rarity replied snidely, “I don’t even know how she picked it up, just that she said it was very easy to do, and if Twilight thinks my accomplishments are anything to write home about, then Sweetie Belle’s a more magical unicorn than I thought!”

As her tone turned towards a more angry resentment, Rarity paused, then added meekly, “That is to say I’m sure my dear sister has a lot of potential, but she hasn’t... shown much magical ability, so when I saw her go winking about, it just made me... wonder.”

“She getting any better at other kinds of magic?” Applejack asked, “Or is it just winking?”

“No, it’s... just winking,” Rarity admitted with concern, “But I really do say that winking is the easiest thing in the world, once you get the hang of it. So it’s perfectly fine if Sweetie Belle managed to figure out the trick! Well admittedly she is teleporting into my room without much regard for a mare’s privacy, but other than that, I don’t see what the problem is here. I honestly think it’s a good thing, overall!”

“Sure have been a lot of ponies winking all over the place lately!” Pinkie Pie said in puzzled skepticism. “Maybe it’s getting easier?”

“Twilight Sparkle has made very impressive advancements in the magic of winking,” Princess Celestia suggested, “More than any pony in history. It would make sense that ponies adopting her techniques would have an easier time doing it. There’s just something about all this that doesn’t seem right. Have you searched through any notes that Twilight left, to see where she might have been going?”

The five plus one looked a little awkward until Rarity remarked, “Not as such. That would probably be a good thing to follow up on.”

“I’ve never in all my years heard of anypony winking out without winking back in again,” Princess Celestia said with a meaningful look at the relieved dragonling, “It’s much more likely that Twilight’s gone on some urgent business, and possibly run into trouble.”

“She hasn’t been gone long, so there ain’t no reason to worry just yet,” Applejack pointed out, “We really do need to find where she’s gone though, and give ‘er a whack on the head for not tellin’ us beforehand.”

“I hope it’s not anything bad,” Pinkie added, “It could just be she’s trying to surprise us, for something good, like a birthday! But none of our birthdays are coming up until mine next month. And she knows I don’t... do so well with surprise parties.”

“Let’s just get back to Ponyville,” Rainbow Dash said impatiently, “There’s nothing wrong here in Canterlot, and that’s why we came, in case Twilight was trapped here and needed our help.”

“Please let me know if you don’t find her soon,” Princess Celestia said urgently, “I don’t want to start a panic over this, but I fear Equestria may be in grave danger if something can keep Twilight Sparkle away from her friends.”

“Will do, princess,” Applejack said firmly, tipping her hat, then turning to leave, “C’mon, let’s go everypony! We got a princess to hunt down!”

The rest cleared out in Applejack’s wake, with the polite Fluttershy lagging behind to curtsey one more time before the princess. And left to her own devices, Princess Celestia made ready to check on some things herself. First and foremost, Knuckerbocker’s Shell and Clover’s Cloak, which should be under the strongest security Canterlot had to offer, but the princess went to check anyway, because she had a bad feeling about all this.


Instead of all those things which she had absolutely no idea that were occurring, Cozy Glow stared in disbelief at the cute little plush sheep. It had to be custom made. He even had big old horns, though not nearly as magnificent as the real thing. Double stitched, and very squeezable. Dyed in shades of dark blue. Cozy hadn’t specified that he always kept himself shorn like some kind of freak, so the doll had puffy, huggable, snuggly wool all around it. She wondered what he’d think of it.

“Thank you—” Cozy said dumbly, looking at the plush sheep, but then she caught herself, and managed to add a note of insincerity looking up at Paradise and saying, “so much for your generosity.”

No way any other pony would ever pick up on Cozy’s insincerity, but it made her feel better at least. “I’m ever so grateful you would go through all this trouble, as a way of earning my trust,” she added smarmily.

“Are you?” Paradise asked, not quite suspiciously, but certainly not hopefully.

“Y-yes, of course I am,” Cozy recovered quickly, saying, “I think we’re really making some progress here!” Did Paradise somehow pick up on Cozy’s insincerity?

“Oh, that’s good,” Paradise admitted with a relieved smile. Guess not. “Have you finished reading about the emotional stress experiment?”

“Yeah,” Cozy said, clutching the plush cautiously to her chest, “I don’t see how they could tell if somepony stopped being sad or not. And it’s weird that it’s 2 minutes on average, because I know I’ve been upset for longer.”

“Fair enough,” Paradise admitted with a shaky laugh, “Thanks for looking at it at any rate. I’m glad you can understand that stuff enough to criticize it. You’re really smart for a pony who’s only been around for... wait, how old were you again?”

“Oh, I’m 14,” Cozy said off-hoovedly.

Paradise tilted her head. “Really?” she asked incredulously and shoot. Why did Cozy’s therapist ask incredulously ? Ponies usually didn’t question that!

“P-pretty sure I’m 14!” Cozy Glow declared confidently, “I would know if I wasn’t!”

“You look pretty young for being 14,” Paradise pointed out, “Plus your file has your application to the School of Friendship in it.”

Cozy blanched. She hadn’t... she couldn’t have possibly forgotten about that. What age did she put in there? It wasn’t 14 it was... older than her real age, but...

“And if you were telling the truth on that application, then that would make you twelve, by now, at most,” Paradise continued insistently, “But not 14!”

“I didn’t... tell the truth on my application, duh,” Cozy said, rolling her eyes, “I didn’t even use real names for anypony!”

“Oh, so your name isn’t really Cozy Glow?” Paradise asked surprised, and how was this happening???

“Why don’t you just back off, and leave me alone?!” Cozy growled at her, “Am I a prisoner? Is this a big interrogation now? You think you can fool me, but I know what you want—”

“I’m not trying to fool you!” Paradise uttered hastily as Cozy panicked trying to think of how to respond to that without actually telling the truth, “I just don’t want you to play games with me. You can look at your application I have if you want. You just... said that you were 14 because... you want ponies to think you’re older?”

Cozy... did, but somehow, she expected Paradise to say it more angrily and accusingly. And now that Cozy thought about it, why would a pony like Paradise ever say it that way? There wasn’t anything wrong with protecting yourself. What was Cozy even... trying to protect?

Cozy hugged the plush closer. She wanted to hide behind it, and she hated herself for that. She hated being so exposed though, with nowhere to hide. “It’s just... easier this way,” Cozy fussed darkly, “Ponies think I’m just a normal, ordinary... filly then, and don’t ask questions.”

Looking worryingly her way, Paradise said, “Well, I apologize, but I already think you’re a very special filly, and all I do is ask questions, so you don’t have to pretend around me. You don’t have to tell me your age either, but if you do, I won’t tell anypony else. Mostly I’m just curious.”

“I’m... eleven, I think,” Cozy admitted reluctantly, looking away from Paradise, “I–I mean, not really, I’m probably ten, but maybe eleven.”

With a worried nicker, Paradise said, “Cozy, you don’t know how old you are?”

“What does it matter?” Cozy Glow asked bitterly, “I already know I’m a freak. I have to teach myself how to... to read, and all sorts of things normal foals can’t do.”

“I’m sure there are ten year olds who can read,” Paradise contested, but Cozy shook her head, saying irritably,

“No, I–I could read a long time ago. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for other foals. You just remember the words, right?”

“Yes, but... not every time,” Paradise contested.

“That’s why we have dictionaries,” Cozy Glow said unsympathetically, “But yes, I... I know that other um, foals aren’t... that I’m about maybe reading as good as a 14 year old, or... more, but...”

“It’s not my job to judge you, Cozy,” Paradise replied diplomatically, “But you are a very smart pony. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. You have so much—”

“Potential,” Cozy interrupted mockingly, “Oh Cozy you’re so lucky you’ve been recognized, you’re such a smart little filly you get to do big important things that aren’t painful and horrible and you’re nothing like your mother Cozy, you—!”

She stopped talking once she noticed she’d started screaming somewhere in the middle of that. “It’s just easier when ponies don’t think I’m special,” she calmly told a wide-eyed Paradise, hugging that plushie with a death grip, “So what if I’m a little... precautious?”

Blinking, still wide-eyed, Paradise suggested, “I think the word is ‘precocious.’”

“Well great,” Cozy groaned, sinking back into the beanbag, “Now I’ll never ever forget it, and other ponies will, and that’s why they get to stay and I get to...”

This was starting to stray into dangerous places, so Cozy reiterated, “Y-you promised I didn’t have to say anything about m-my past. You said you weren’t playing games so I’m done talking about that. Let’s talk about something else”

“Well, I brought something we could talk about, today,” Paradise said, standing up from where she was sitting on the floor beside Cozy on her bean bag, and rearing up onto her desk. The tome she dropped in between them was titled “Rational Emotive Behavor: the ABC model” by one particular “Allbeard Trellis.” Cozy had never seen the word “Emotive” before but she figured it was just a fancy word for emotions, and the only other mysterious part of the cover was the “ABC” part.

“I bookmarked some spots we could go over,” Paradise said hopefully, nosing open the book to the first bookmark, a chapter that began with the title “Activating Events.”

It was something to read at least. Still Cozy didn’t quite understand what the point of this ABC technique was. Reading through the book, she just couldn’t see how you could ever change what you believed in.


Sometime later, the comb caught in Cozy’s hair as a distracted unicorn yanked it a little too hard, not with her magic, but with her pale white foreleg in the brush’s strap.

“Are you okay, Rarity?” Cozy asked cautiously, shutting her book she was using to distract herself from any potential magical glow.

“Why wouldn’t I be, dear?” Rarity said with only a slight nervous twitch in her whole body.

“I’m not a therapist,” Cozy said, wincing as the brush caught again and Rarity accidentally yanked her tangled mane, “But you seem kind of—ouch—stressed out.”

“Oh, it’s surely nothing at all to do with you certainly, just some issues in my personal life,” Rarity said with a nervous giggle, “Very personal, and private, thank you very much.”

The white unicorn’s horn flickered with blue, as if Rarity momentarily forgot, and thought to use her magic. It was... really hard to be afraid of Rarity’s magic, when the unicorn mare was so genuine about it. Cozy was starting to feel like it was more of an extra leg for Rarity, something that was just... a part of her, instead of being something she was appointed, or something she used.

Cozy didn’t feel all that comfortable about it though.

That probably should have served as a warning, but Cozy was still caught off-guard when Starlight Glimmer called Cozy Glow into her office. Like actually escorted her there. Not that ponies didn’t usually escort her, but when Starlight came to get her, she didn’t even say what it was about, just, “Cozy, we need to talk. Come with me.”

The atmosphere wasn’t exactly somber in Starlight’s office, but something was definitely going on. “Been a while since we talked, heh,” Starlight said in the fake amusement that Cozy had come to know so well.

“What’s this about?” Cozy asked, standing there looking cautiously up at Starlight Glimmer, not sitting anywhere. “If this is about Green Arrow then I just want you to know I had nothing to do with the—”

“No, no it’s not your friend,” Starlight said hastily, holding up a hoof, “I just... wanted to ask a few questions.”

Cozy sat on her haunches, ready to lie her head off.

“Did you think we wouldn’t find where Twilight Sparkle was being held?” Starlight asked Cozy cooly, giving her an appraising look.

“Why would I... think that?” Cozy said trying to process the knowledge that Twilight Sparkle had gotten foalnapped and it was apparently her fault. Should she pretend to be innocent, or what? Cozy Glow literally was innocent! She wasn’t used to being innocent. Did that mean they had a new enemy? Was it safe for Cozy to ask?

“You shouldn’t hide stuff like that, Cozy,” Starlight said dangerously, “Your little scheme to take out the Princess of Friendship hasn’t gone unnoticed. I can’t protect you if you keep trying to get revenge, or putting Equestria at peril for your own gain. You won’t win at this, Cozy. We’re holding all the cards here. Cozy, I... I know about your mother.”

Cozy stiffened.

“I’m not your enemy, Cozy,” Starlight lied obviously, “If you tell us how you trapped Twilight Sparkle in the Well of Shade, then we can be one step closer to waking her up, and solving this problem.”

“I... I don’t know anything about that!” Cozy Glow protested, “What happened to Twilight Sparkle? She’s in a magical sleep?”

“You were seen leading her off in a trance,” Starlight said, “By several ponies in town. I’m surprised you didn’t cover your tracks better. Did you think nopony would be up at 2am?”

“I’m locked in my room at 2am! How would I—?”

“Or you could keep lying,” Starlight interrupted angrily, “And I’ll be forced to tell the princesses everything about your past, about your mother, how she died, and about where you came from. Do you really want that, Cozy?”

“No!” Cozy said in an absolute panic, “You can’t tell them! How do you know? I–I didn’t do anything to Twilight Sparkle I swear! Please I don’t know anything. I-it was a changeling! Maybe a changeling was pretending to be me! I—I can’t—”

Cozy had to push away the tears with her hooves as she said in horror, “I don’t have anything to tell you. You’re going to tell them, and they’ll send me back. Please I–I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know anything about Twilight Sparkle, and I can’t even prove it to you at all, so you’re gonna kill me and...”

Cozy fought with her tears; she hated being helpless like this. How had Starlight found out? How could she do that? Cozy had trusted —well technically Cozy had never trusted her, but... how?!

“You think you’re so good, for what you’re doing,” Cozy said bitterly, her young voice twisted with a tormented hate as she glared at the evil unicorn, “You don’t have the guts to kill me yourself, so you’re just gonna banish me and they’ll kill me, a-and you won’t even have to see it. I hope they find you and kill you all, because you can’t do... you can’t do this. You’re supposed to be good, not bad!”

Starlight wasn’t looking down at Cozy with nearly as much disdain and sinister intent as expected though.

“Okay, I give up,” Starlight said, facehooving. “Cozy,” she continued in a tired tone, “I’ve been lying to you this whole time.”

“...what” Cozy uttered dazedly.

“It was the only way I could think of to protect you,” Starlight explained, giving Cozy a beseeching look, “You’re so good at lying yourself, I had to say some things that upset you, to make sure you were too... upset to be insincere. But I said she’d been trapped in the Well of Share, then that we couldn’t wake her up, because neither of those things were true. If you had any idea what was really going on, then you’d know I was lying, and there’d be no way you would get this upset. So... you win. I don’t think you had anything to do with the disappearance of Twilight Sparkle. But just in case... Applejack, what do you think?”

Cozy blinked as Starlight looked away from her, following the mare’s gaze to where the orange cowpony teacher was walking out from behind the couch. “She ain’t seemin’ the slightest bit dishonest to me,” Applejack said giving Starlight an uneasy look, “But she pulled one over on me too, do recall.”

“I... avoided you,” Cozy said desperately. Applejack glanced her way. “W-when I was... t-trying to take over Equestria,” Cozy told the orange pony, “I figured you’d find out if I tried to fool you, so I just didn’t ever talk to you ever. So I’m not magic or–or anything, not like you are. So I can’t have been lying s-so you can’t do any of that stuff to me.”

The farm pony continued to give her an appraising look, but instead of answering, she turned to Starlight, saying, “Ah agreed to this on account of we’re runnin out of options. But you didn’t tell me that the filly lost her mom.”

Starlight stiffened.

“That... um...” Starlight Glimmer forced out uneasily, shifting on her hooves, “That is something I wanted to bring up in a much less... adversarial way. I didn’t mean to refer to that specifically, but it just sort of... came out!”

Turning to Cozy Glow, Starlight said, “Cozy, I only said all of that to... fool you into thinking I knew more than I knew. And I’d really like to talk you about it in private, after this. It’s um... it’s not something I have any right to tell.”

“You better, is all ah cain say,” Applejack told Starlight disapprovingly, and then she too regarded Cozy Glow with her verdant green gaze. Cozy Glow felt like she was the butt end of a joke here, being made a fool of in all the ways that she had been struggling with ever since everything started to go so horribly wrong. She braced for whatever Applejack was going to tell her, as the cowpony looked her way for way too long.

“Ah think Starlight was right about you,” Applejack told her, tipping her hat and smiling, “Keep at it, Cozy Glow.”

Then she just walked out of the room without another word.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cozy asked Starlight Glimmer, since she was lost for words before the apple farmer left the room.

“Applejack means exactly what she says,” Starlight said, looking after the door closed behind Applejack with somewhere between gratitude and uneasiness, “No more and no less. Anyway... I suppose I owe you an explanation.”

“For what?” Cozy asked, following her ear to look at Starlight Glimmer.

Starlight winced, but said, “I... know you didn’t tell anypony about your secrets. The way I found out was kind of well intentioned, but sneaky. You talk to your... when you talk to your skull, at night I’ve been able to...”

“You have some sort of monitoring spell on our rooms when we go to bed, right?” Cozy asked in a reflective tone, “Makes sense, considering we’re all supposed to be a bunch of crazy ponies.”

Starlight looked like a mouse who caught a snake, saying, “You know about it?”

“Well I know now ,” Cozy said, rolling her eyes and looking away, “It’s pretty obvious though. You once said it was very good of me to want to help Crackpot, but asking about his accident was probably a bad idea.”

A pause, and Starlight asked, “And...?”

Glancing at Starlight, Cozy sighed and said, “I only said to my skull that I was gonna do that. And I also only told my skull about how much I hate the cafeteria’s pudding, then you started asking me about it. Then they started serving chocolate. It was so obvious you could hear me somehow.”

“But... but the colts...” Starlight said weakly, “And you thinking about capturing them, and... and doing things to them...?”

Cozy didn’t even bother holding back a grin, saying, “You like that, huh, Starlight? How naughty of you, to have such thoughts about cute little innocent colts!”

“They were your thoughts!” Starlight protested.

“I can’t believe you didn’t figure it out,” Cozy griped, losing her smile, “Do you really think I want to do all that stuff I said about peanut butter and baby oil? I haven’t even had an estrus before!”

Starlight fishmouthed, so Cozy groaned, “I thought this was gonna be a lot funnier, but it was just getting old.”

“How do you even know what to do with peanut butter and baby oil?” Starlight retorted, aghast.

“Not telling,” Cozy said with a fussy frown at the mare.

“And how have you not had estrus yet?” Starlight added, “Didn’t you say you were over 14?”

...

Blushing, Cozy Glow looked away stating, “I also said I was 11 on my school application. Why wouldn’t I lie twice?”

“Oh that’s... that’s right!” Starlight said, her bluish eyes widening, “I can’t believe I didn’t realize that! I just thought the whole application was made up.”

“Didn’t Paradise tell you?” Cozy asked with an uneasy wince, “She told you about my... my age, right?”

“Paradise hasn’t told me anything about your age,” Starlight replied honestly, “Did you tell her in session? Those are confidential, you know!”

“Yeah, confidential except for you, because you run the place,” Cozy said, unconvinced, “Don’t think I don’t know Dr. Paradise isn’t telling you every single thing I say to her.”

“That’s why we decided to make it confidential,” Starlight contested, “Because Dr. Paradise needed you to trust her. She’ll tell me if it’s... if it’s nothing private, or an immediate danger, but I swear she can keep you safe from...”

Starlight glanced away after trailing off, murmuring, “...from me.”

“You’re spying on me, in my room, in my bed,” Cozy said incredulously, “And you expect me to trust that you’re not—”

“Trust Paradise, not me,” Starlight asserted, “That’s why I made her your counselor. Because she’s right, you do need somepony to trust, and I know I’m not it. I don’t trust myself! But... and I’m sorry I... listened to you speaking with your mother while you were in bed.”

And there went Cozy Glow’s anxiety right back through the roof. Eye twitching, she asked, “W-w-what do you mean my mother? That skull’s not my mother, it’s just my skull! I don’t even know who it is!”

With a very confused look, Starlight asked Cozy, “Then why were you calling it ‘momma?’”

“I was not!” Cozy shot back furiously, “I never call her momma, because it’s not momma it’s just my skull. It’s just mine, not her. Are you trying to break me? I don’t want to talk to you anymore!”

“Cozy, wait!” Starlight said, even though Cozy knew the door wouldn’t open if the magical unicorn in the room didn’t want it to. Cozy stomped over to the door, out of some... vain hope of a symbolic gesture that would end this conversation right here and now.

“Cozy, I’m not trying to break you!” Starlight assured her, “It’s okay if she’s your... I–I just didn’t think that you never... y-you made a mistake. I’m sorry.”

You’re sorry?” Cozy glared at Starlight, “Let me out right now!”

“Cozy, you... you made a mistake, a few times,” Starlight said in apologetic sympathy, “You must not have... noticed you were calling her your momma. M-more than once. You were pretty emotional when you... sorry, I didn’t know you didn’t know I didn’t know.”

Cozy was trying not to panic, saying, “You must have misheard. I just called her a uh a malla, which is a... a a creature that...”

“Cozy, you can keep your skull,” Starlight assured her anxiously, “I won’t ask you to tell me about your mother. I won’t ever tell anypony what I heard. Y-you don’t have to believe me, but you have to believe me! Unless it threatens Equestria, your secret is safe. A-and I won’t listen to your conversations anymore. Cozy please, what can I do to make things okay?”

“Things will never be okay!” Cozy retorted with an unavoidable tremble in her voice.

“Cozy, I...” Starlight looked at her with a bleakness of somepony at the end of their rope, who sees somepony trapped on a ledge even further down, “I’m so sorry.”

Cozy bit her lip. She couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t stop it. “You should say a joke,” she said through a tight throat, too quietly. Too quietly?

“What—” Starlight started before Cozy screamed at her,

You should say a joke! ” and Cozy tried to open the door even as her desperate scream resounded through the room, and the door wouldn’t open because of her.

“I’ll kill you!” Cozy shrieked, leaping for that stupid, horrible, glowing horn, fighting its magic, failing to fight the collossal strength of a steel vice holding her in place, as Starlight said,

“Hold on! I’ll just get the nurse—”

Shut up shut up shut up! ” Cozy shouted, wings straining against the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria.

Cozy was... waking up in her room later, with a sore spot in her bottom, and no real idea of how she got there. Not an unusual occurrence these days. She shifted, and her... arm was even draped over her skull in bed this time. When Cozy roused herself, a note laid against the skull crinkled to her movements. Cozy flipped it out from between her and the skull with a wing, laying it before her on the bed to read.

What did the one humped camel say to the lazy two humped camel?
Back two, work!

Cozy Glow snorted, despite herself, grumbling, “That... that’s terrible. ” Oddly enough though, somehow it made her feel better than anything else Starlight Glimmer could have done.

Starlight did keep to her word though, somehow, impossibly, never asking Cozy Glow about her mother again. Cozy couldn’t believe how close that was. She couldn’t believe they weren’t taking it away, to analyze it more and to steal it away from her. It was... it was all she had left. Cozy hugged her skull anxiously, fearing for what ponies would do if they found out who she really was.


Cozy Glow’s breakthrough came far too slowly, and never in the most expected way. Her friendship with Green Arrow was... not going well. Trying to hold back the tears, Cozy told the therapist in the corner of her eye, “I told her to stop talking about my mother. And she just wouldn’t! I didn’t mean to spill her milk. I just got so angry and I know I’m supposed to do breathing exercises but she just... wouldn’t stop... ugh!”

“Green Arrow has more... sociopathic tendancies than you, Cozy Glow,” Paradise told her, not that Cozy hadn’t already been told that. But what the therapist said after was interesting, Paradise continuing on to say, “She’s trying to provoke you because it’s interesting to her. No, fascinating. She’s not doing that to hurt you. She’s doing it because she’s curious what will happen, how you’ll react. You know Starlight’s her therapist, right?”

“Oh yeah, of course she gets to have Starlight as a therapist,” Cozy grumbled, curling up more in the bean bag.

“Well... Starlight talks to me about her sometimes,” Paradise said, “And she says that Green Arrow is... upset too, that she keeps provoking you.”

“Then why does she do it?!” Cozy shouted angrily from her curled up poise.

“Why do you get angry?” Paradise countered, “It’s the same answer. Green Arrow has very little self control. She sees a button, and she pushes it, even if she knows she’ll regret it. And you have a lot of very tempting buttons to push.”

“I don’t have any buttons!” Cozy protested, “And... what am I supposed to do about it?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Cozy,” Paradise said sympathetically, “If you’re not ready to talk about what’s behind all this anger, about what’s really bothering you, there’s not much advice i can give. I’m not—” the redheaded pegasus sighed in hot frustration, “I’m not trying to force you to talk about it. I’m just so frustrated how helpless I am. As soon as you start to talk about it, you clam up, and... and I know you have your reasons. But all I can say is you should try to empathize with your friend, and if you can understand why she’s doing what she’s doing, you won’t get as angry at her for doing it. So she says... what? What did she say about your mother?”

“She just... said it really smarmily,” Cozy replied, “Like she was... like my mom was an idiot. I told her that and I told her to stop, and she said she didn’t have to stop if it was true. Then she said that I said it, and I did, but I meant that she said it! S-she was so nice. I mean... we were laughing because... because the cafeteria served beans and I don’t really want to talk about it. But then she just starts... attacking me out of nowhere. Like she secretly hates me.”

“Can you see how your... anger might make you miss some other possibilities?” Paradise suggested, “It could be a total accident, and she secretly loves being around you.”

“It was not an accident,” Cozy insisted.

“Maybe she’s afraid to like you, because she’s afraid of friendship,” Paradise continued, “So she attacks you to protect herself, because she thinks you secretly hate her.”

“I don’t, though!” Cozy protested, “I don’t hate her at all! I mean, not... more than other ponies at least.”

“What if she’s saying the exact same thing to her counselor right now, Cozy?” Paradise asked earnesly, “What if she just doesn’t know what went wrong, and she thought she was just playing with you?”

“She was not playing,” Cozy retorted grumpily, “I know what she said!”

Giving her a look, Paradise asked her, “But do you know what she meant?”

Cozy wasn’t sure she wanted to take that bait.

Sighing again, Paradise said, “I want you to tell me exactly what Green Arrow said, and say it in her voice too, all um... smarmily.”

“Shitting like your mom, Cozy!” Cozy Glow said in a really stupid whiny voice, “Shitting all over the place, because she’s full of shit. And they found you in the poop, didn’t they Cozy? You’re a poop baby, aren’t you Cozy?”

A pause, and Cozy glanced at the shocked therapist. “And I told her to stop acting like my mom was an idiot, and she just said no, you are the one saying she’s an idiot, and I told her to shut up, and she said she didn’t have to if it was true, so I... knocked her milk off the table. I-i-i-it was even chocolate and I just...”

“I can fully understand why you were upset, Cozy,” Paradise assured her in disgust, “But, the reason I was asking you to say it word for word, because think about it: you just said those exact words. You were only repeating what she said, but you still said the same thing. Why did you say you’re a poop baby, Cozy Glow?”

“I didn’t!” Cozy shouted back, “I just said—”

“Because I asked you to!” Paradise interrupted, “That’s why you said it. You didn’t say it because you think it’s true. You didn’t say it because you were... born like that. You just said it, to let me know what she said. That’s the only reason you said it. I’d be stupid to assume you actually thought it was true.”

“Well, you would,” Cozy pointed out, “But you know why I said it.”

“Do you know why Green Arrow said it?” Paradise asked innocently.

“Because she really does think my mom is a—”

“Didn’t you just say it’d be stupid to assume that?” Paradise cut in again, “What if it turns out I told her to say that? What if she thought that it would make you laugh? How do you know she really does think it’s true?”

“I just... do,” Cozy insisted uncomfortably, “You don’t know her. She really does mean it when she says...”

“Maybe she did mean it,” Paradise said as Cozy trailed off to an unconfident silence, “Maybe she secretly does hate you. What I want you to realize is how you didn’t think of any reasons other than that, because you were angry. That’s how anger works. You stop asking questions and start fighting back. You look for who’s attacking you, and it doesn’t matter if they are or not, your mind will make it look like an attack. I’ve shown you the research on this!”

“I know, I just... it’s just too hard to...” Cozy fussed.

“You need to empathize with her,” Paradise said confidently, “Ask yourself what else could she be trying to do? Think of all the maybes, where your friend is actually a very nice pony, and just has a really, really...”

Paradise paused.

“...Really bad sense of humor. Then it should be easier not to get angry at her, because you’re not letting yourself think in an angry way. You’re not focusing on one thing and getting more and more steamed up about it. You’re thinking about other possibilities, and that lets the pressure out, so your anger doesn’t build up and explode.”

“I guess I could try that,” Cozy said reluctantly, “She’s... actually pretty smart, in a weird way. Did you know she thinks she’s thirty-nine years old?”

“Yes, she has shouted that at the top of her lungs on multiple occasions,” Paradise drawled unhappily, “Even if it was true, what are we supposed to do about it? Cast an age spell?”

“You’d also have to turn a mare into a stallion,” Cozy admitted with a little giggle, “I think she just doesn’t want ponies to think she’s too young, or girly, so she pretends not to be. If she came from another world, how would we know if she wasn’t always a little filly?”

“Her origins are just about as mysterious as yours, Cozy,” Paradise said, making Cozy tense up right away, “So it’s good that you can make friends with somepony you share so much in common with. You just have to accept that sometimes she’s going to try to... push your buttons.”

Cozy relaxed as it didn’t appear Paradise was going to push her buttons, if Paradise even noticed how close she came to asking about Cozy’s past. “I bet if it really came down to it,” Cozy drawled, “I bet she’d chicken out. If you had a magic spell to make her a big old stallion, she’d be like ‘Oh, what’s that “fucking” thing over there?’ and run away. It’s funny I think she really likes being a filly. If she’d just let herself be one.”

In particular, there was one time Green Arrow came swaying into the exercise yard from the main building looking a little frazzled, with a silly smile on her face. “Green Arrow!” Cozy called over to the filly.

Making a beeline for her, the other filly said, “Hey, Cozy!” with an indulgent giggle, “Did you know one of the nurse ponies has a colt for a kid, who came by to visit her today?”

“I think I saw a colt around a few weeks ago,” Cozy said unsurely, “Which nurse?”

“Nurse Coldheart,” Green Arrow said easily, “His name’s Tender. You’d like him, heh.”

“You like him, huh?” Cozy asked, with a suggestive smirk.

“Yeah,” the green filly said, smiling at the thought without a single snide remark, rocking on her hooves happily as she added, “I might have to rethink the whole ‘girl’ thing...”

“Really?” Cozy asked in surprise, “So you want to be a girl now?”

Now,” the filly agreed with a cautious emphasis, “I dunno about ten minutes from now, and I know I shouldn’t, but you wouldn’t believe what colts’ll do when you’re a pretty little filly.”

“Wow, what’d do say that made you feel that good about it?” Cozy asked, impressed.

Green Arrow focused on Cozy Glow, blushing a little as she said, “Well it isn’t something I can talk about in public here. Maybe we can get him to show you sometime. N-not that we were doing anything, but if we were, and you were too, then I could uh... I’ll shut up now.”

Glancing at the caretaker in the yard, watching the two of them like a hawk, Cozy laughed in understanding, saying, “Oh yes, you weren’t doing anything at all. We can get together sometime, and talk all about what we weren’t doing, and if nopony’s around to watch, well what a shame.”

“Eh heh heh heh...” Green Arrow giggled self-consciously, “You’re pretty cool, Cozy Glow, you know that?”

“Yeah,” Cozy said smugly, “I know.”

A few days later, with the minders misled to think that Cozy Glow and Green Arrow were the only ones taking a shower, Cozy couldn’t believe the incredible satisfaction at having it slide inside her. “So... good...!” she moaned, rocking there in place, flexing eagerly around the vigorous effort of a very handsome, helpful and incredible colt. The showers should be drowning out any noise they made, so it was okay for her to indulge her clenching insides, but if she was too loud then they’d hear, and they’d make her stop!

“Wow, she’s really feeling it,” Green Arrow remarked watching Cozy and Tender move together in an impressed amusement. Cozy couldn’t acknowledge that. Cozy couldn’t even describe what was happening to her. In the back of her mind, she knew that if they didn’t stop, she was going to have to deal with the embarassment and risk of a growing belly, but she didn’t care. She wanted that to happen to her.

“I need it inside me so bad,” Cozy groaned, squirming around it as a hunger rose in her like no other. Taking the colt by the hoof, staring into his eyes, she panted, “Please... more... keep going! Oh, why is it so good?”

Pulling his hoof free of hers, and planting it firmly beside her, the colt known as Tender pressed hard against her, leaned close to her ear, and said, “It’s my grandmother’s secret recipe.” The reason he was pressed hard against her was of course to push his butt up back against the wall, so that the box of chocolate chip cookies didn’t get wet from the shower at all. “Grandma House makes the best cookies,” he said passionately.

“Cozy hasn’t had any for months,” Green Arrow said smugly as Tender hoofed the hungry salmon pink filly another cookie tingly with sweetness broken by the thick dark chocolate chunks embedded in it, “Not since Starlight stopped bribing her with them. It’s the only sweet she likes, so she hasn’t had anything else. I think she’s going through sugar withdrawal.”

Cozy didn’t contest that as she stuffed her mouth full of deadly dark chocolate cookies, too caught up in her passionate need to even get a word in edgewise.

Sore tummies aside, it was definitely the case that Cozy Glow liked Green Arrow and her antics. It wasn’t always otherworldly good cookies. Sometimes it was just her wry sense of humor, and the fact that she was a smart little filly too, so Cozy had a lot in common with her. If only Cozy’s friend would stop being so... frustrating.

Cozy tried to “empathize” with Green Arrow, and tried to tell herself that her friend didn’t mean it, but it was just so hard when it kept bringing Cozy Glow dangerously close to feeling things she couldn’t let herself feel.

Cozy’s friend got angry at her too, because Cozy got mad at her, and Green Arrow didn’t think Cozy should get mad at her. But instead of doing what Cozy wanted, and leaving Cozy’s problems alone, Green Arrow started trying to make them worse! Cozy was just talking with her one day, and everything just...

Just...

And Green Arrow said, “Have you tried just not getting mad?”

Rolling her eyes, Cozy replied, “Yes, I have tried just not getting mad. What do you think I’m doing right now?”

“Isn’t it working?” Green Arrow asked nudging Cozy in the side, “You’re not angry right now, huh?”

“It doesn’t work that way!” Cozy said irritably, “Ponies just keep doing stupid things to make me angry and why do you even care? You have anger... ish problems, too!”

“I know I’m fucked up, but you could just walk out of here!” the raven haired filly protested, “Just stop defining yourself by other people and think ‘fuck you I don’t have to get mad at you!’”

“I can’t just ‘walk out of here,’” Cozy said acidly, “Ponies think I tried to destroy Equestria! You know I’m an actual, literal prisoner, right?”

“Could have fooled me,” the green filly replied resentfully, “You can just fly away from here with your OP wings. I can’t even climb the walls, without one of those faggot nurses tackling me.”

“Golly, Green. You should know this,” Cozy chided her, “I’ve got to get them to think I’m reformed. Otherwise where would I go? Griffonstone? I can’t do anything with them hunting me down!”

“I’m just saying!” Green Arrow protested, “You convince them you’re reformed, and if you’re ever getting angry, just you know, take a deep breath and calm down.”

“I am doing that,” Cozy growled.

“That’s what you say about everything,” Green Arrow contested, “Maybe you should actually try it some time instead of just saying you are.”

“You think I’m not trying?!” Cozy asked in outrage.

“So what if I do?” the other filly retorted hotly, “I’m not trying either. Why should I? They’re never gonna turn me back. Fuck ‘em! But you still have your whole fucking life ahead of you, and you can’t even do fucking breathing exercises?”

“I do breathing exercises,” Cozy corrected snidely, “And mindful stuff, and roleplaying, and it’s all the stupidest things, as if it would help anything at all.”

“It would, if you’d actually try it,” Green Arrow insisted.

“It doesn’t work,” Cozy spelled it out for her, “I do try it. Why should I try it if it doesn’t work?”

“Well sorry if I was just trying to help!” Green Arrow drawled, turning away from Cozy in a huff.

“Oh wow, you think you can help?” Cozy asked in disbelief, “You don’t know anything about my problems!”

“I would if you’d tell me about them!” Green Arrow shot back, turning to glare at Cozy, “You’re so fucking annoying with your dark, tragic past that you can never speak of because you’re just such a special snowflake.”

“Why would I tell you anything?” Cozy demanded with a smirk, “You’re just one of those stupid ponies , just like everypony else!”

The green filly’s brow darkened, and she said, “Your mom.”

“Don’t talk about my mother,” Cozy Glow warned the filly through gritted teeth.

“Why not? ‘cause you sure fucking don’t,” the filly replied, stalking up to face off with Cozy Glow, “Or wait, it’s too terrible a secret, so you can’t tell me why I can’t talk about her either, right?”

“You don’t get to talk about her, because you’re a jerk!” Cozy pointed out angrily.

“Yeah, well your mom!” the filly replied in a way that made Cozy’s brain hurt to try to understand. Green Arrow made enough sense though, when she asked, “Was she some kind of pony criminal? Stole too many lollipops and now she’s on the run from the royal police carriage?”

“I’m not going to talk about her, or anything about my past,” Cozy told the filly, plain and simple.

“I’m just speculating!” the filly said with a terrible giggle, “Maybe she was a big ugly troll, and that’s why you keep talking as if you’re not a pony, because you’re a big, fatassed—”

“I am not a troll!” Cozy retorted, beside herself with frustration. “You don’t know anything about me, you don’t know anything about my mom, so don’t fucking talk about it!”

“I know enough to know that she’s dead,” Green Arrow shot back, her words hitting Cozy in the gut, “You made that baldly fucking obvious more than once. Why else wouldn’t she ever come visit you? Either she’s a troll, a criminal, or she’s dead. Heck, you’re some kind of psycho filly, right? So maybe she got in the way of your plans to take over Equestria.”

“What,” Cozy asked flatly. She didn’t even know how to answer that. How could her mother possibly get in the way of her plans to take over Equestria?

“Yeah, I bet that’s what happened,” Green Arrow said smugly, “You don’t want ponies talking about her so they don’t learn the truth. Your mom is dead, ‘cause one day she got in your way, so you killed her yourself. Gotta say that’s cold even for—”

Cozy Glow sat in her room, staring dully at the wall. Sitting on her bed, afraid to touch her skull because she might get blood on it. Oh, Cozy Glow had already gotten all patched up by the nurse ponies. She had a bandage across her chest, around one of her ears, and an ice pack she kept pressed against her other eye, to keep it from swelling too much. Green Arrow had tried to fight back at first. She wasn’t so good at being a pony though, and Cozy Glow was a pony through and through, even if she wished she wasn’t. It wasn’t Cozy’s own blood she was concerned about.

It had just happened so fast. Her friend was lying there, and... and bleeding, and it was the most amazing thing, since it meant Cozy could keep going without any resistence. The nurse ponies had pulled her away before... Cozy hoped they pulled her away before any permanent damage was done. Cozy didn’t mean to do it, but she had wanted to so bad. It was so easy to be bad, and evil, and make them hate her, while they dragged her away so they stuck her with a sedative. She had come out of it to find them bandaging her up, in her room, where she was given an ice pack, and told to take care of herself before they hurried out, because there was somepony hurt a lot worse than she was.

So Cozy sat there, nursing the minor wounds inflicted on her before the other filly lost consciousness, afraid to touch her skull on the shelf, because she was kind of afraid of herself right now. It was so hard to even think about why she... why she did it. Cozy Glow didn’t want to think about anything anymore. She just wanted to sit here, and be a stupid pony, and not think about the things that she couldn’t think about.

She... got most of the blood cleaned off on her own, and she eventually just went to sleep. And they only made her skip one meal before she got to go to the cafeteria again. Now though, there was a nurse pony standing right beside her at all times. Cozy wasn’t... sad, she was just empty, and not really inclined to protest what was probably pretty sensible considering the all and everything.

She was feeling more bored than sad actually, sitting in her room all day, not wanting to go out to the exercise yard where bad things had happened. She read the book on dialectical behavioral therapy again, and it just seemed so impossible that any of it would ever help. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know if anypony knew what to do. Cozy Glow just wanted to be cute and loveable, and it just... never....


“Can I—” Cozy cut off with a conflicted sigh, looking away.

In the warmly decorated office, Cozy looked back at the red headed Paradise, who looked at Cozy with hopeful sympathy, and said to her, “Oh, no, no. Go ahead. What did you want to do in our session today?”

“Can I practice being... sad?”