I’ll be round in a bit. I’ll bring pizza. You're a vegetarian so that’s what I’ll order.
I held my phone over me as I lay in bed. My stomach was a whirlpool of anxiety, and I had barely eaten. I hadn’t ever had friends over to my place. At least, not when they weren’t injured after fights with thugs.
I rolled onto my stomach. Sunset was more a mystery to me than ever. What advice could I ask anyone about it either? After all, nobody knew she even existed. Without going into specifics, there was only so much I could ask.
I began typing on my phone. I had a talk with my friend, I began. We’re going to have a discussion. I guess that’s progress?
I hesitated, then sent the text to Sunset Shimmer. I then rolled back onto my back and waited. It said a lot about my situation that I had to have two contact details for each Sunset. I had renamed my first contact to Sunset One. The new one was simply called New Sunset. I liked to keep things simple.
My phone vibrated, and I took a look at what Sunset One had replied. That’s good! Let me know if you need any support.
I relaxed. I wasn’t sure what support she could give, or whether I even needed any. I wasn’t so convinced that the new Sunset was trying to torment me any more. She just seemed… feral. That was the best way to describe it. Still, I liked that Sunset still wanted to help.
Maybe I was overexaggerating, and Sunset One would be perfectly understanding about New Sunset. Still, New Sunset was averse to being found out, and I guessed that the person she wanted to hide from the most was Sunset One.
I paused. It did seem odd to me that the fact there were two Sunsets had gone unnoticed by the school. I didn't expect most of the average students to really pay much attention. Even after she began to act differently, it wasn't like most students to question the weirdness that surrounded Sunset, whichever Sunset that might be. For Pinkie Pie, Rarity, the headmistress and Sunset Shimmer herself to miss it though? Either Sunset was much, much more discreet when she wasn't around me, or...
A horrible thought struck me. What if it had been my fault? By messing with the memories of the school, especially the memories of Sunset Shimmer on a daily basis, had I been unwittingly helping to conceal the original Sunset from them?
I had no way of knowing. At the time I didn't realise there were two of them, so any side-effects I might have caused would have been beyond my means of predicting.
I didn't know how I felt about the possibility, and tried to push it out of my mind. Instead, if Sunset was simply unusually indiscreet around me... why would that be?
“I suppose it’s possible they’re just trying to get your attention? Like how colts pull a— I mean, like how boys pull a girl’s hair in kindergarten or something.”
It seemed stupid for Sunset to have risked discovery for no other purpose than to get my attention. Who would take such a risk for some shy nobody?
My doorbell rang, startling me. I jumped to my feet and scrambled to the door, a jolt of unfamiliar anticipation making my heart race slightly. I got to my door in a flash, and then gradually composed myself. I took a few deep breaths. I didn’t want to seem on edge.
“Hey? Anyone home?”
“Um, yes!” I shouted through the door, and unlocked it.
Sunset Shimmer was on the other side, holding a large pizza box. She rolled her shoulders, as if to appear loose and relaxed. “Cool. Can I come in?”
I noted Sunset’s softer demeanour, as if she was tiptoeing around me. “Yes, sure. I’m surprised you remembered the address. Nobody knows where I—”
“Nobody knows where you live. Yeah. I know the schtick,” Sunset interrupted, a flash of her acerbic nature resurfacing. “It’s fine. I remember.”
Sunset entered the house, handing me the warm cardboard box. She hesitated a moment, holding back from going further inside until I started moving. I led her back to my room, where I put the pizza on the desk, brushing aside some of my books.
“So… how’s stuff?” Sunset asked.
“Stuff is fine,” I said.
Sunset sighed. “Okay, look, I don’t like being awkward. Let’s just eat pizza and talk, okay?” She strode towards the box and opened it. “See? Vegetarian. There’s peppers and artichokes and stuff.” She pinched a slice between her fingers and moved it towards my face. “Here.”
I let Sunset place the slice on my open palm. “Thanks. You shouldn’t have.”
“I like pizza.” Sunset picked a slice for herself. “Anyway, look… I get that I shouldn’t have been so pushy. So, uh, sorry. I just thought you needed a push or something. Anything.”
“I believe you. And I agree that I do want people to look at me. It’s just that I can’t quite deal with it… at least not yet.” I took a small bite out of my pizza and sat next to my bed on the floor. Sunset joined me, leaning against the leg of my desk. “I guess… maybe I’m just not built to be the centre of attention.”
“You could be if you wanted to. You could be the most popular girl at school.” She tilted her head, pondering for a moment. “Well, actually, maybe not the most popular girl at school, but you’d be up there! Top five for sure.”
I giggled. “You’re being silly.” I held my hand up and began counting down. “First is Sunset Shimmer. The other one, not you. No offence.”
“None taken.”
“Second is Pinkie Pie. Third is Rarity, Fourth is Rainbow Dash. Fifth is… Uh… Fifth is hard. Spitfire maybe?”
“Yes yes, sure. And I’m saying you could at least beat Rainbow Dash. She’s so awkward. Have you seen her try to act casual? It’s so forced.” Sunset giggled girlishly. It was a flash of humanity I hadn't expected.
“I meant to ask… sorry to go on a tangent… How is it the other Sunset didn’t find out about you?”
“Not sure. If I hadn't seen her coming I'd have been made for sure, but she wasn't exactly discreet. She arrived during summer break, right, and to be honest, she seemed pretty awkward. Clearly a psycho. Walking on four legs, barking at everything and everyone, and every now and then she’d, like, squint and growl whilst muttering something about a horn. You know. Alien stuff.”
“When you say bark…”
“Bark as in shout, not as in woof woof.”
“Right.”
“She was clearly bad news. I’m not judging. I’m bad news too. She was a schemer and had some big plan or whatever, and it all exploded when that other girl, Twilight, showed up.” Sunset glowered. “I’m pretty sure she’s an alien too.”
“Yeah, I remember.” I peered at Sunset. She had a hunted look to her, glaring to her side. “You know, I don’t think they’re actually aliens? Just sort of magical creatures from another world.”
“Please. Magic is fake. If they’re from another world, they’re an alien. I even made a device to track the energy fields that they use to turn into… like… those strange furry monsters. You know. The beeping microwave? I bet they can change their shape using cell restructuring or something using the energy field as a trigger.”
I clicked my tongue. Having used the memory stone, I was confident that actually, it was magic, but I didn’t want to get into a debate about it with her.
“Anyway, back to my story… After that whole mess, that’s when I started hating her.”
“Not before?”
“No way! Look, she was obviously a bad girl, whoever or whatever she is, but at least she had the decency to act like me. I respect that. Even if she was mean, and cruel, and bullied people and shoved them around… she still didn’t change how people saw me. I mean, me. That was all stuff I would have done anyway. But now… Even if I did want to go back and chase her off… how am I supposed to do that now everyone believes I’m nice? I can’t be nice. I’m not built for it.”
“I think you’re pretty nice.” I hesitated. “Sort of. Well, not really, actually. But you have sort of flashes of goodness that I like.”
Sunset waved my objection away. “Who cares? Even if she leaves, there’s no ‘Sunset Shimmer’ that’s me any more. I thought at first, hey, having a double isn’t that bad. I don’t have to go to school or anything. But then she destroyed my actual identity.”
“I don’t think she meant to. I don’t think she knows you even exist.”
“Yeah, well, speaking from experience, how fun was that for you?”
I swallowed. “Not fun.”
“No, it wasn’t.” Sunset grit her teeth. “I shouldn’t have let her just push me around without at least biting back. I had the option to go out in a blaze of glory, and I chose whimpering in a corner instead, like a coward. Hey, even you lashed out at her with your memory stone. You’ve got more guts than me, I guess.”
“You could still talk to her. She’s actually quite nice… she didn’t have to forgive me, but she did. I think that, whatever she is, she genuinely has changed.”
Sunset shrugged. “It still doesn’t change that I don’t have a real identity to go back to. That bridge is burned, collapsed, a big steaming pile of rubble jutting out of an impassable river… busted, so to speak.” She retracted her legs and began hugging her knees. “It’s not even worth the risk. The best thing I can do is make the most of my freedom. It’s the one thing nobody can take away from me.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it. I hesitated, then opened it again, this time with more confidence. “You don’t… look very free.”
Sunset didn’t reply immediately, instead hunching down more and more. When she did speak, her voice was closer to a murmur than the confident, braggadocious statements she usually spouted. “Maybe. Freedom is a spectrum. There’s always stuff we can’t do and always something you can. Me, I’m kinda free. I can do what I want without repercussions, so long as nobody ever knows it’s me. It’s true that you’re more free than me, though. You can also do whatever you want, but the only person stopping you is you.” Sunset’s fists clenched, turning white. “I can’t tell you how frustrating it is watching someone who could have what I can’t just not take it. You could have it all if you wanted. A popular garden, everyone wanting to be your friend… you even had a cool science stone that gave you amazing powers. You’re pretty, and smart, and dedicated to your garden and being good at stuff.” Sunset paused. “I’m so tired of seeing people ignore you. So… sorry if I make mistakes. I shouldn’t have made stuff miserable for you. I’m just tired.”
Blood rushed to my cheeks. I had never had anyone say things like that about me. Not even the other Sunset, who had forgiven me… me... for everything. People appreciated the garden, but nobody praised me for having taken care of it. Nobody had called me smart. Nobody had called me pretty. The other Sunset had been nice to me, but she had never wanted me.
It must have said something about me that just a few words of praise was enough to overload my every thought and instinct. My mind was haywire, and I had no idea of what to say, or do, or even think. I didn’t even know how I felt, really. I had been thrown into a whirlpool of rapidly changing emotions in the past few days that I simply didn’t know where I stood.
I decided then not to think about me, but about Sunset. Yes, I felt special for the first time in a long time, but Sunset was hurting, and I wanted to make it better.
She had a hunted look, and she was still hugging her knees like a scolded child. How long had she gone without anyone telling her she was smart, or pretty? Months, certainly. Years possibly. She had been hiding and lying and scheming, but with nobody to talk to or be near.
I could empathise.
I shifted towards Sunset, focussing entirely on her in a desperate attempt not to confront my own insecurities. Maybe along the way, I could do something, anything, to make things better for her. Give her the kind of attention I would want.
I reached my hand out, and froze inches away from her. Her eyes were staring into mine beneath furrowed brows.
“What? Are we getting touchy now?”
I swallowed, and recoiled. “Sorry, I… was just going to, uh…”
Sunset sighed, and stared at me, scanning me for a moment. Her eyes glanced up and down, assessing me. Her lips curled upwards. “If you’re going to hesitate like that, you don’t deserve to make the first move,” she quipped, and pounced.
An ocean of insecurities washed over me as her mouth locked with mine. My hands were outstretched uselessly. I thought that I should do something with them… curl them around the back of her head, or slide them around the small of her back, like I had seen in movies and television shows. Was I supposed to do something with my mouth, or tongue? Should I have pressed into her, or leaned back? Let her own me, or wrestle back control? In the end, I did nothing.
When Sunset pulled away, it was on her terms. My own heart was racing, and my stomach was tied in knots. It had been my first kiss, and I was so terrified of doing something wrong that I couldn’t even respond, react, move, or breathe.
“Ha…” Sunset began. “Probably shouldn’t have eaten pizza before doing that.” She licked her lips. “Cheesy.”
I hung in place. I felt a mixture of amazed and ashamed.
“You can say something, you know.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Okay, be that way. I’m getting more pizza. If you wanna' go again, let me know.”
I caught my breath. “I’m sorry. I’ve been… um.”
“Was that not what you wanted?”
“I was… kind of aiming for a hug or something…”
“What, just a hug? I’m clearly vulnerable.” Sunset took another bite of pizza. “You could have done whatever you wanted with me and I’d have been into it.”
I squeaked. “You could have warned me?”
“Where’d be the fun in that?” Sunset put her pizza down, and swallowed. “Okay, shall we try again?”
“What?”
“Try again. This time you’ve got a warning. Okay? Look, I may be messed up but I know what I want. I’m not dumb. I’m done pretending I’m not into you. I want to try again.”
I swallowed, my temperature rising.
“So… what? Did I read the room wrong? You just want to hug it out instead?” Sunset folded her arms.
“I…” I ran my hand through my hair. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t care. Figure it out.” Sunset leaned closer, her nose brushing against my cheek. I felt her breath and her long fiery hair setting my skin alight. “What do you want, Wallflower? Should I tell you what you want?”
Every nerve I had lit up with electricity, piercing me as I heard her speak my name. “I just want one… person. One person to want me.”
“I’m a person.” Sunset bounced her head from side to side. “Okay, a bit of a disappointing one, sure. Kind of aggressive. A jerk. Whatever. I’m still human. Do I count?”
“You count,” I told her. “You definitely count.”
Sunset kissed me again and this time I made a decision. I made my muscles relax. I let her take me over. I was done being stiff and awkward, and I didn’t have the nerve to be in charge yet. So I let Sunset invade me without a fight. For five seconds I would let myself be free… be open. For five seconds.
Sunset leaned over me, and I collapsed backwards onto the floor. Sunset followed, and pressed into me more and more. I hadn’t even realised my eyes were closed. I guess it was instinct. When they were open again, she was on top of me. Her hair brushed into my eyes and caused them to tickle furiously. I honestly didn’t care.
I wasn’t used to physical contact. Not of any kind. Regardless of my lack of experience, I was pinned against the floor by Sunset’s lips. I had surrendered all control to her for her to do as she wished.
As Sunset overwhelmed me with an explosion of physical contact, I discovered how much I had needed touch until then. Sunset was giving me so much of it, all at once. Had I the ability to, I’d have whimpered, and I was so, so glad that Sunset was preventing me from making such an embarrassing sound by filling my mouth with her tongue like an occupying force in a surrendered country.
When Sunset pulled away again, I was panting, and to prevent me from following her back up she pinned me in place with a firm hand on my chest. Her absence was cold and icy, but my skin remembered her like a tingle.
“That was a bit better,” Sunset said. “Still cheesy, but hey. Flavour adds to the experience.” She rolled onto her back next to me, and we both stared at the ceiling for a moment. “I’ll be real, I didn’t think I’d be as into this as I am, but… I guess I am.”
I was too.
“Why me?” It was a dumb thing to ask. I knew it as soon as I blurted it out like an idiot.
Sunset’s hand drifted over my arm, pulling up my sweater in order to stroke my skin. “Well for starters the colour green looks great on me,” she said, suave charm dripping from her every word. “Also, come on. We’ve been over this. Pretty, smart, dedicated, yada yada. Come on. You went and grabbed plundervines in the middle of the night just for your garden. That’s pretty cool. Stupid, sure, but cool.” Her fingers moved down to brush against the skin of my hand. “And you’re a fighter.”
“I’m not a fighter.”
“You absolutely are. Just because you don’t have the memory stone any more doesn’t mean you aren’t the sort to use that kind of thing when you have it. Deep down, you know how to bite back. I like that.” Her lips moved closer to my ear, her voice a tantalising whisper. “Next time we kiss, feel free to remember that.”
I swallowed. The memory stone was not something I was proud of, and even Sunset’s sultry words couldn’t quell the shame and embarrassment. “You… like that?”
“Well, yes and no. It was frustrating seeing you ruin your life with it. But think about it. Every day you’ll see people who don’t do the sorts of things that other people think are bad because they’re scared of being punished.” Sunset moved into me again, turning her body to face me. “What you did was probably wrong. I’m not one to judge. But you did it when most people would have been too scared to.” Her fingers wrapped around my face and turned my gaze towards her. Her eyes, slanted and mischievous, stared into mine. “Doesn’t that impress you?”
I remembered the fear I felt when tampering with the memories of others. What if I got caught? What if they resented me? Sure, those sensations had dulled over time, but I remembered feeling them. Did that make me brave? Or stupid? Did the difference even matter to Sunset?
“I don’t want to do it again.”
“That’s fair. You tried it, you got burned, and you won’t do it again. I respect that, too. What are we without mistakes?” Sunset grinned. “I’m just saying. You’ve got more nerve than you give yourself credit for.”
“If I’m going to hurt people, then I don’t want it.”
Wildness flashed in Sunset’s eyes, and her lips curled into a snarl. “Yes you do! Yes you do. I’m not the other Sunset! I’m me, and you don’t have to pretend around me.” Sunset’s eyes were widened now, and her hand tightened around my wrist. “You did what I wanted most! You’re like me! You want the same things as me! To bite back! Right?”
An understanding gnawed at the back of my mind. A kernel of truth revealed. The kiss had blurred my mind, but the fog was clearing. Sunset wasn’t just interested in me because she had been watching me. She needed me to be like her; to be vicious and cruel. She had been needed the bitter, vindictive Wallflower Blush that had used the memory stone endlessly, without a care in the world. She had been interested in a villain. She needed a villain to empathise with, because that was what she saw herself as. A weak villain that didn't even have the courage to lash out at the person who unwittingly destroyed her identity. She had confused my old anger for courage.
She hadn’t just been interested in me. She also needed me to be who I was whilst I still had the stone. She needed me before I changed.
Sunset’s grip tightened around my hand with violent desperation. My mind followed this thread of realisation to its final destination. Sunset Shimmer hated herself. No wonder she empathised with me; we both, ultimately, felt we were pathetic.
But she wasn’t pathetic. She wasn’t cruel! She had rescued me from thugs. She had tried to apologise! She made me feel special, wanted. If she was worthless, why would she have tried to do those things? She was the first person to pay attention to me without the memory stone, the first person to kiss me and lie next to me and touch me the way I wanted to be touched. What else was I supposed to do but tell her she was worth something?
“You are like me,” I insisted. My voice was the strongest I had ever heard it. “I don’t want to be a bad guy and neither do you. You're more than just an angry version of another person.” I tightened my own grip on Sunset’s hand. “Aren't you?”
“Being bad is all I have left.”
“You’ve got me now.”
Emotion by emotion, Sunset gradually broke, each piece of her eroding away before my eyes. What must have been years of loneliness and isolation came crumbling down around her. “Well… that just makes this harder, doesn’t it?” she choked, then collapsed into me.
Sunset’s face buried into my sweater. Her eyes were invisible, but I could feel the wetness of tears through my thick clothing. I turned towards her, and embraced her in a long hug that lasted hours.
What else was I supposed to do? I pulled her into me and held her close.
I began dialling on my phone. I glanced towards Sunset, who was resting by the wall. She gave me a curt nod, and I made the call.
Moments passed. Eventually I heard a voice on the other end.
“Hello?”
“Sunset? It’s me, Wallflower Blush. Um… you’ll never guess who I bumped into…”