Thoughtletts
April the Twelve Twelvths
“A fine quotation is a diamond in the hand of a man of wit and a pebble in the hand of a fool.”
— Joseph Roux
Some of these pebbles wound up in Never The Final Word - Volume 2 (This time it’s personal), but I’m including them here because I’m too lazy to pick them out, like raisins in Raisin Bran. Besides, they’re good for you, and free.
AugieDog has an adorable story about Ocellus attempting to be evil by stealing a box of day-old donuts from Canterlot.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/486062/caper
I had to complete the circle.
"What is it?" hissed Cauliflower, who had dived behind the desk the minute she walked into the food bank and saw her sister Florets in the same position. After all, Ponyville was the poster child for 'Duck First, Ask Later' and since she had already ducked, it was time for the asking.
"Boxes. From. The School," groaned Cauliflower with her hooves over her ears. "Donuts," she added quickly afterward.
"Donuts?" asked Florets, who poked her head over the desk to look, then flatted back behind the relative safety of concealment. "They're not... Sweetie's Treats again? Oh, wait. They're not on fire. Yet." Florets poked her nose out from concealment and sniffed. "I don't smell smoke. Who donated them?"
Cauliflower trembled so hard her pale curls covered her face. "All of them. Trixie and Starlight brought Gallus and Smolder with... some changeling. It has to be some epic evil prank to get all four of them involved at once. Did it go off yet?"
"Not yet." Florets lifted her head ever so slightly to get a better look at the cardboard boxe. "What are we going to do? We can't just leave it here."
"Princess Twilight," said Cauliflower decisively. "Think about it. She's defeated every evil that has ever threatened Ponyville. She'll know what to do."
"What the hay?" Twilight Sparkle looked up from her neat collection of school paperwork just in time to catch the pale white and green tails of the two Food Bank employees vanishing out of her front door at a full gallop, leaving behind a pale pink cardboard box that sat askew on her otherwise tidy desk. "From Ocellus," she murmured, looking at the tag taped onto the box, then lifted it up to see what was under it. "Courtesy of Donut Joe's! Oh, that wonderful little changeling! She's come such a long way in the study of friendship. They're a little dry," she added after taking the first bite of the top donut. "Still, not bad."
CrystalWaters had a question on Cutting the chord, Swinging the Hammer, and Dropping the Piano
And here I was thinking they'd sent the piano through the mirror.
—
"Twilight," said Principal Celestia into her phone, "I need you to do something for me."
She waited for a time, tapping one foot on the concrete sidewalk in front of Canterlot High and shifting her cell phone higher on her shoulder. Experience had taught her that conversations with Twilight Sparkle fairly demanded a certain amount of slack time for the young genius to get excess words out before an actual conversation could occur, but the delay was irksome. "I only have an hour before school starts," she said curtly when Twilight's words showed no sign of slowing. "All I want to know is if you have space in your house for a piano."
Celestia paused with a growing frown and gave the massive object a long look. "Yes," she started slowly. "That's exactly what got shoved through the portal sometime last night. Luna's gone to rent a truck and we were going to see if the football team could get it loaded and over to your house before--"
There was a much longer pause, which Celestia used to look over the note that had been taped to the top of the Ironwood piano lid reading 'This ain't Twilight's piano and we'd appreciate it if'n you can find a home for it."
"Yes, I can call Luna and have her bring the truck around to your house first," said Celestia. "Do you have something else to send back that Starswirl sent us with his interdimensional trash disposal spell?"
"Oh," she said after a time. "You have one of these too. Yes, I think they'd both fit if we pushed them through, and it would provide a well-needed lesson to Equestria to quit dumping their garbage in our dimension."
The Writer’s group has a post on Stupid Story Ideas that I don’t think is so stupid. In short, Celestia and Luna fight over who gets stuck running Equestria, which is how Luna pretended to be Nightmare Moon and managed to skip out on the job for a thousand years. Now Luna’s back and Celestia expects to get her turn away from the office, but…
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/thread/462509/stupid-story-idea
All was quiet in the Castle of the Two Sisters as Twilight Sparkle and her new friends slipped out of the decaying throne room in order to give Luna and Celestia a little private time together. Or at least until Celestia gave out a short giggle and jabbed her sister in the ribs.
"It worked perfectly," she cackled. "The light show, the setup, and Twilight doesn't suspect a thing! A week from now, I'll be in Rio Neigh Janeiro, sipping mixed drinks on the beach while you deal with Blueblood and his ilk."
"Ow." Luna rubbed the spot where her sister had just poked. "Look, sis. From what I've seen so far, it's going to take years of work before you can ditch the reins of rulership and dump this on me. You couldn't even keep the old castle in shape while I was gone."
Celestia waved a disparaging hoof. "Low bid maid service. Look, running Equestria is expensive. There's cake, and..." She thought for a long moment. "And a bunch of other stuff. Doesn't matter. I'm so out of here."
"If you leave," said Luna in her coldest voice. "I'll tell."
"What?!" Celestia backed up a step. "Twilight will go sparse. She'll track me down! You haven't seen her on a rip-roaring tear before."
FanOfMostEverything has a few great pictures of Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle invoking a bit of their demonic part during stressful situations. I thought it would best be illustrated with additional words.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/931126/outer-demon
Her opponent sat there, taunting her from its ledge. There was no sense of fairness in its reluctance to meet the inevitable end, and Twilight Sparkle fumed at the indignity of it all. She had paid the price, done the appropriate rituals, and victory was supposed to be her's now!
She reached out, then recoiled at the concept of regressing to physical violence. There were procedures for this eventuality, but they took time, and right now, time was something she could not spend. If this combat were not to end in her favor, an entire checklist would be pushed back, tasks that could progress humankind's knowledge against the world might never come to be. If intellectual prowess were not sufficient to vanquish this foe, then physical effort would have to suffice.
She struck. Her opponent merely wobbled on its ledge, looking smug from behind its protective shield. Additional blows, measured as not to damage anything important were likewise impotent, and the famous Sparkle temper began to fizz beneath her placid exterior. Father was well-aware of his wife's tendency to explosive outbursts, which is why their house had an indoor greenhouse with a rosebush accessible at any time of the year, but Twilight lacked that kind of close physical relationship with a spouse.
It would prove to be a destructive fault.
More blows were rained down on the protective shield guarding her opponent, to little effect. Kicks were added, along with polite profanity, until Twilight grasped the protective machine and yanked it.
"I warned you!" she snapped through gritted teeth and the faint wisps of darkened fire rising up from around her. "By Newton's Second Law, by all that is holy through the Runge–Kutta method, I invoke thee to give forth that which I seek! In the name of Pascal, Fermi, and Feynman, I shall smite you! FORTH GIVE ME STRENGTH, AND HILBERT GIVE ME YOUR POWER!"
And there was fire. Much fire.
Sunset Shimmer picked her way in through the front door of the school lab very carefully, avoiding the broken glass from the shattered light fixtures and the few puddles of water still steaming on the floor. Twilight Sparkle was sitting casually at the lab bench with a soldering gun in one hand, a spool of silver wire in the other, and a candy bar sticking out of her mouth. After a few moments, Sunset moved closer, giving the general area a good looking-at before clearing her throat once she spotted the shredded steel and molten plexiglass of a familiar object.
"Vending machine not working right again, Twilight?"
Twilight Sparkle gave her a sideways glance while continuing her soldering. "Wouldn't give me my bar,” she mumbled. “Not my fault."
Sunset prodded one piece of shredded steel with the tip of her boot. "You know, you could just keep a box of NuttyOatyOat bars in the bottom of your desk."
Estee has a chapter in Glimmer called Fortran.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/479070/7/glimmer/fortran
One of the commenters made a comment about ‘obsolete’ languages.
I was offended. Celestia would be too. So naturally….
Hey, hey there, child! Watch that 'obsolete' word. You'll find a lot more COBOL out there in the world than you expect, and there are still things being written in FORTRAN (the newer versions) because it has some really nifty functions that newer languages don't, as well as legacy code being maintained (because you just can't port some of it) from massive database manipulation programs written as far back as the 80s.
"Thank you, Princess Celestia!" Twilight Sparkle hugged her new book with shreds of Hearth's Warming wrapping paper all around her. "New spells straight from Starswirl the Bearded's student years! Why, I'll bet there are spells in here..." She trailed off as she began to flip through pages, finally turning the book over and giving it a shake. "What's all these strange symbols, Princess?"
"FORTRAN coding," said Celestia with a shy smile. "Starswirl loved to make his spells recursive, and he just fell in love with the advanced math functions. I told him that my APL structures were far more applicable, but he was stuck on the modern era. Better than Luna, though. She still prefers to work in LISP. More parenthesis than there are stars in the sky, and she's perfectly fine with it."
"That's... wonderful, Princess," said Twilight. "I don't suppose you have a copy written in PERL or C# perhaps?"
Jest wrote a clever fic about Queen Chrysalis waging a quick war against Equestria in order to take advantage of rather generous surrender benefits. I thought it only appropriate that Celestia have a response of her own.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/485067/the-five-second-war
"You can't be serious." Queen Chrysalis looked at the sign, then at Princess Celestia, then back at the sign. The words 'Danger - Everfree Forest' had been scratched out and smaller words on the bottom indicated that the place was now called 'Happy Changeling Prisoner of War Camp #1' with little hearts and flowers scribed around the letters. Chrysalis lifted one hoof to examine the gooey black mud that clung to it, as well as several leeches, then gave Celestia a vicious glare. "You can't be serious," she repeated.
"It is a place for your changelings that meets your specifications," said Celestia calmly without a trace of snark. "It's damp, dark at least half of the time, and full of creatures who will love you." There was a distant warbling four-part harmony of a hydra bellowing in the distance, and Celestia finally smiled. "Or would you care to negotiate terms to your surrender and subsequent introduction to Equestrian society as contributing members?"
Jest wrote a story about Luna setting up her harem. I made a little addition.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/484594/luna-decides-to-start-a-harem
"I can't believe Luna thinks she can just start up a harem," huffed Twilight Sparkle into her bedroom mirror.
"Quite right, Darling," called out Rarity from where she was smoothing the sheets on the bed. "I suppose she did not even do any research, or allocate her time between mates to avoid conflicts."
"Exactly! She just grabbed a couple of stallions from the coffee shop and sent them to her castle. It's like..." Twilight frowned at her reflection in the mirror, and the sight of Rarity getting the bed ready for the evening. "Rarity, how long have you been spending your evenings here with me?"
"Oh, I'm not quite exactly sure, Darling." Rarity pursed her lips in a thoughtful pose. "I suppose I could ask Fluttershy tomorrow, since it is her turn."
Heck, I almost forgot this one from iisaw’s clever work at producing a Feghoot.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/447369/prejudicial-procedure-problem
And the Follow-Up Feghoot from me.
"Could be worse," said Starlight. "She's the only one of her family who applied. She has a sister."
"Her sister is worse?" asked Twilight, swallowing the hook whole.
"She brews artisanal wine made from dandelion roots," said Starlight, checking a box on her clipboard while edging ever so slightly closer to the doorway. "Then she serves it in a frosted glass, resting on a bed of fresh kale leaves, arranged in geometric patterns."
"I don't see how that is worse," said Twilight, wrinkling her brow in deep thought. "It actually doesn't sound too bad, compared to some of the dishes served in Canterlot."
"So would you like to make an appointment, Twilight? That way you can try the authentic jenny-wine art ala kale?"
Starlight almost made it to the door.