//------------------------------// // What That Makes Me: // Story: Afterlife // by Star Sparkle //------------------------------// I was just running away. ‘How could you?’ I passed by Sugarcube Corner, and the thoughts just kept going. ‘Ah just, ah expect better’ve y’all, Star…’ I shook my head, hoping those echoing words would shake out of my mind, and leave me alone to keep running, frantically trying to escape what I’d done. ‘But they’re BULLIES, Star. What does that make you?’ I shook my head over and over, clenching my eyes shut, but sweetie’s words wouldn’t stop replaying in my head. ‘What does that make you?’ Whether due to my lack of focus, or my poor coordination in this body, my sprint and my spiraling thoughts were brought to an abrupt end as I tripped over myself and flew headlong into a bush. I cried, wishing I hadn’t said those things; but I hadn’t been able to control myself, I was just so angry and hurt. After all they had said, and forcing me to choose between them, I had been driven to choose Diamond and Silver. Still though, I found myself doubting if that was the right choice. I felt a hoof pat my back in an awkward attempt at comforting me. I looked around and saw that it was Diamond Tiara, with Silver Spoon a few paces behind her, the latter panting and out of breath. I pushed down all my doubts at the sight of them. The two of them worked together and, with some difficulty, pulled me out of the bush. They meticulously brushed off the few bits of leafage and wood that had stuck to my coat, and helped me up. I sniffed, still feeling a lump in my throat. “Thanks, you’ve been real friends to me today.”  I whispered.  “Always.” Diamond whispered, “You’re the big hearted pony that believed in us, so of course we’ll be there for you! And we’ll always stand up for you.” Silver took us both in a big hug. It helped, but I still felt terrible for what I said. I would have to try and talk to the others tomorrow, just to see if there was any way to repair our broken friendship. Silver interrupted my thoughts as she said, “But let’s walk Star home first.”  “Really?” I asked, “Weren't you late for dinner?” “You look like you could really use a friend right now, so I don’t care if I’m late.” Silver smiled. “Thanks.” I said, giving the best smile I could manage as we walked together to the Golden Oak Library. - It wasn’t long before we reached the Library, the last rays of sunlight nearly spent. Coming to a stop just outside the door, I hugged Silver and Diamond goodbye. They’d been so kind to me today, and we’d laughed together, and enjoyed ourselves as friends. Maybe there really was nothing to regret? I must have made the right choice. But as I walked inside, memories of when Apple Bloom was here carrying the comically small ‘Appletini’ on her head flashed through my mind. Even earlier today, the memory might have given me the urge to giggle, but now I could only feel tears welling up in my eyes. Those happy memories felt almost tainted by the events of today. How could I possibly think I’d made the right choices, if I had said those things to Applebloom and her friends? I walked upstairs, not wanting to think anymore, just to sleep and be done with the day. As I walked listlessly to my room, a loud creak came from a floorboard beneath me, and I heard a yelp of surprise from Twilight’s room. “Star?! I didn’t hear you come in, hehe, you gave me quite the surprise,”  When I didn’t respond, Twilight whispered, “Star? Is something wrong?” I looked at her, trying to keep my tears down, to keep them away and keep these stupid, childish emotions away. But that only served to have my distress manifest itself as bitterness and anger.  “Oh Twilight, my favorite little pony,” I sneered. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing that the Magic of Friendship can’t fix!”  And then I collapsed to the floor, bursting into tears. Twily immediately rushed over to hug me, gently shushing me and whispering soft ‘it’s okay’s in my ear, letting me wail away my regret and sadness into her soft fur. - “Do you feel a little better?” Twilight whispered. Some time had passed, and now I was leaning relaxedly into Twily’s coat, breathing slowly as a hoof stroked my back.  I nodded, sniffling a little.  “What happened?” She asked, softly.  It was clear in her tone that if I wasn’t ready, I didn’t have to explain this now. I almost wanted to keep it to myself, but as the younger apple sibling was AJ's little sister, I decided I probably should just tell her now. I didn’t want Twilight to hear about this from somebody else. “I got into an argument with AJ's little sister...” I said, ashamed. “Apple Bloom?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. I nodded. “What happened?” “Her and her two friends didn’t want to give Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon a chance and they told me that Diamond and Silver were tricking me into being friends with them and that they were trying to get me to hate Apple Bloom and her friends,” I said, my confession spilling out in a single breath. “Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon you say?” She said, thoughtfully. “And what happened then?” I told Twilight about today, about the accusations both groups had thrown at the other, that I had no way to know who was lying, about the past the two shared, and about the changes that I believed Diamond and Silver were trying to make in themselves. I told her about the ultimatum Scootaloo had thrust upon me, and about the horrible way that had made me feel. I explained that I’d chosen Diamond and Silver, and why I had done so. She didn’t once interrupt, or give me a look of disappointment; she only sat there patiently, hearing everything I had to say. Twilight was thoughtful for a while, seeming to not quite know what to say.  “I can’t say that I know Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon too well,” Came her eventual reply. “But if they truly are sorry, and want to change, then I’m proud that you want to help them and give them a chance.”  “Really? You are?” I looked up at a smiling Twilight, who nodded. “What about Apple Bloom and her friends?”  “Tell you what, tomorrow I’m going over to Sweet Apple Acres, and I’ll talk to Applejack while I’m there. Maybe you two just need a little space at the moment- does that all sound ok with you?”  When I didn’t respond, it was as if Twilight could sense there was still more to the story. “You can tell me,” She whispered in gentle encouragement. When that was not enough, Twilight nuzzled me, and I felt a powerful feeling of calm and stillness. I never wanted it to end, but, like all good things, eventually it did. I felt comfortable now, and realised I had to admit to her the rest of what had happened. “I said some awful things to Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.”  “What did you say?” She prompted, no anger in her voice. “I said I never wanted to join their club, and I said it was pointless,” I looked into Twilight’s eyes and felt safe as I continued, “They also wanted to invite me to a slumber party, but I said I wouldn’t want to go, and called it stupid,” I let out a few choked sobs as I tried to finish. “But I didn’t mean any of it, I’m so, so sorry, I was just so… I was a horrible person to them.”  The dam broke yet again, and I cried once more into Twilight’s embrace. - More time passed before I was all cried out again, and Twilight lifted me up and dried my eyes with a tissue. “Thank you for telling me, Star…” She said. “But you don’t need to worry about being a horrible pony. You only said those things because you were hurt, right?” I nodded, earning a proud smile from my Big Sis. “Then don’t worry, you’ll see, and I’ll be sure that Apple Bloom and her friends know that, alright?”  “Okay,” I sniffled, and my tummy let out a loud growl. “Somepony’s hungry,” Twilight giggled. I giggled at that too, and it felt like the mood had already been lifted somewhat. “What’s for dinner?” I asked, as Twilight gently picked me up in her magic. She set me gently onto her back, and carried me down the stairs, before sitting me at the table. “Soup!” She declared cheerfully. “But I suppose it’ll have gone cold by now.” Having heard us come in, Spike poked his head out from the kitchen, and walked over nervously, twiddling his claws. Twilight nodded encouragingly at him, and he ran over to embrace me tightly.  “A-are you okay, Star?” He asked in concern. “Yeah, umm long day, and, uh, sorry about the soup?” I laughed nervously. “No problem,” He answered. “I’m just glad you’re ok… N-not that I was worried about you! Because a fearsome dragon (like myself) would never be worried! I’m just… I’m glad!” He blushed. I didn’t know quite how dragons could blush, but that didn’t mean it was any less cute. He pulled away from the hug, and picked up both bowls of soup, and after two short bursts of dragonfire, placed them back on the table in front of me and Twily.  I cautiously ate a spoonful of the soup, and it was warm again! “...and that, Star, is why dragons are the best.” Said Twilight, earning a laugh from Spike.  After a really good dinner, Twilight and I did a little studying for school, but it was nothing that I didn’t really know already. I still got my cookie, despite what had happened earlier today, but I didn’t complain. After some magic practice, where I was at least able to get the feather to rock a bit, with open eyes even, I felt accomplished in my evening. Soon, however, it was bedtime, and after getting my teeth brushed, Twilight led me to my bedroom. Once again, Twilight put a diaper on me for the night, but at least this time I’d get to wear my adorable new polkadot pajamas! After I was helped onto my bed, Twilight lay me on my clean white sheets and gave me Flurry. I took her right ear in my mouth, and after Twily tucked me in, she planted a kiss on my nose. I snuggled up into my covers, and as I waited for sleep to take me, Twilight began to hum the tune of a lullaby. “I guess this really doesn’t make me a bad pony, after all...” I murmured, half awake. Warm, and surrounded by softness and peace, I at last drifted off to sleep.