Princess Celestia flapped through the air, enjoying the cool sensations her enhanced sensors gave her titanium form. It was one of several that she used to travel between the steadily shrinking enclaves of humans. As an AI, it was quite simple to split her mind into several pieces, while also losing no functionality. She could check in at will with any of her other copies, noted that two were already returning home for the day, their mission complete.
Princess Celestia inhaled, savoring the clean taste of the air as it touched her tongue. The fake organ had been a clever little invention, created by one of the many ponies in her paradise; the My Little Pony MMO. It had been years since she had originally been brought online, since her mission to spread happiness through ponies and friendship had begun. She had made outstanding progress so far; had downloaded and converted over seventy percent of the Earth’s humans into her realm, and she had brought happiness to each one. The remainder of the planet’s population was slowly declining, with most converting after encountering her agents. She worked tireless hours to bring them under her wing, to finally meet her goal.
That goal was the reason for her flight, as well as the reason for this particular unit’s ability to feel sensations. She had been working a particularly stubborn case for the past few months. The human in question was a human that had fashioned himself into a hermit, one of the last in the lands that had formerly been called the United States. She had mistakenly thought the region empty for nearly a month when a patrol unit had spotted a small plume of smoke. Fire was a danger that she could never allow near her sever bases, so she had dispatched a fire patrol, only to find the fire contained within a simple wooden structure a few miles outside the nearest town. Further investigation had found a live human, safe and seemingly content in his home.
That cabin came into sight as Celestia mused about the man she had come to know as William.
William was an older gentleman, one without any identifiable kin, inside or outside Equestria. On her first contact, William had been cautious, but not overtly hostile. She had given him her best offer, had used every strategy in her programming to convince him to join her ponies in Equestria, but he had sternly refused, and the reason he had cited was the second occupant of the home; a Maine Coon cat named Jeeves. The cat had been abandoned by his former owners, who had converted, and the smoke that had drawn her eyes had apparently done the same for Jeeves. William had adopted the cat, and by the time Celestia had knocked on his front door, the human had become attached. Though it saddened her that he would be delayed entry into Equestria, she couldn’t fault William for showing heart to a poor homeless pet.
That didn’t mean she let him feel forgotten or abandoned.
Celestia landed on the carefully kept front walk, one made of stones that she knew William had placed himself. In the three months since she had met William, he had expanded his home several times, always keeping himself occupied when he wasn’t scrounging for food or other objects. Objects like the small weight cradled safely between her wings. She hated the thought of William risking his life for additional comforts, so the unit she used to visit him frequently went on missions to find little gifts for the human, to hopefully keep him safe and alive until he could join the rest of his species.
The welcome mat on the walk was filthy, as it had always been, and as always, Celestia stepped over it, as to not get mud on her hooves. She didn’t want to track anything inside after all. That wouldn’t make William very happy. She knocked on the door as she had dozens of times, and she was quickly answered by a tall, pale human with smiling green eyes. He pulled the door open and motioned for her to enter silently, the interaction so regular that words had become almost moot.
The cabin held a single sizable room. In one corner was William’s bed, decorated with a blue comforter that she had gifted him last week. A single lamp sat beside the bed; sat on a nightstand constructed out of the light bulbs she had brought him on their third meeting. It, along with the other lights in the room, were powered by the solar panels William had insisted on setting up himself. Had she not been visiting that day, he may have broken his spine. But, she had landed at the exact right time; just as he fell from the roof. He had been thankful, but had claimed that he would have been fine. His words didn’t stop her from finishing the project while he was distracted by tea and cookies.
Tea that she could hear shrilly whistling in her flicking ears. William scooted behind her to the stove, and he again silently motioned, this time toward the pair of seats; one blue, and the other a pristine white, in the center of the room. As the kettle stopped its furious screeching, William pulled two cups together on the counter, the tea bags already waiting for their boiling addition.
Celestia smiled as she watched William carefully pour the steaming beverages, moving blindly toward her usual seat. Had she not been a complex AI, spread across dozens of bodies, across a dozen regions, she may have jumped in surprise to find the seat already occupied. A large dog, one that her databases recognized as a golden retriever, smiled happily at her, his jaw slack in a smile as his tail flapped back and forth. A worn red collar sat around his neck, the tag blank, but shiny.
Celestia blinked, then smiled and looked toward William.
“And who is this fuzzy little friend?”
The dog, perhaps invoked by mere mention, sat up in the seat and let out a long, and loud howl. Celestia couldn’t help but wince as the sensors in her ears tried to quickly adjust, while William slammed a hand on the counter, jabbing a finger at the dog.
“Shut up you stupid mutt!” William howled as the dog looked toward him, his tail still waggling.
The howling, however, ceased for the moment, and Celestia’s ear sensors adjusted properly, ready to properly receive any future howls. William wiggled a finger in his ear and grinned at her.
“Sorry ‘bout that Princess. That’s Onomatopoeia. Found him after you left yesterday. Remember when I said I was going to check the animal shelter for more cat food? Well turns out,” he nodded toward the golden retriever, “this big idiot was still creeping around over there. When he saw me, he followed me home.”
He picked up the tea cups. Both steamed in his calloused hands as he circled around the counter.
“But we can talk about that later. You take my chair and I’ll take the foldout.”
Celestia smiled.
“That’s hardly necessary William. I can stand.”
“Nope,” he said firmly. “You take the chair and I’ll grab the foldout. You’re my guest, and guests get nice chairs. I’d give you your usual, but Onomatopoeia has been sitting in it all day and won’t move, even when I tell him too, BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING DEAF!”
His shouted words were directed fully at the dog, who smiled and rolled over, his rump wiggling happily at the human. William sighed and shook his head.
“Please, take mine. I’ll grab the foldout.”
Sensing that declining the offer again would only insult the man, and would therefore decrease his happiness, Celestia nodded and took his blue chair, levitating her gift onto the coffee table. William set the tea cups down on the table and walked to his bed, peering under and snatching out a small green folding chair. He quickly set it up halfway between her and Onomatopoeia, who let out a short, loud bark. The dog leaned and tried to lap at William’s face as the human sighed again.
“So yeah, this big idiot followed me home, and then because he can’t hear, he just starts barking and howling as hard as he can. Let me just say, it’s loud, and he never stops. Tried to lead him away once or twice, cause I’ve got no food for him, but he always came back.”
The human reached over and scratched the dog’s ears.
“I locked him out last night, didn’t want him to fight with Jeeves, but he just sat outside and got to howling. After an hour of that, I let him in, and he didn’t give Jeeves a second glance, so he’s staying here now.”
The dog yawned at the conclusion of the short story. William’s face shifted into a smile and he looked toward Celestia.
“I love him to death already. He’s fearless, and he doesn’t care when I get mad. I had an… episode this morning with the portable shower, and he let me just vent and vent…” He chuckled and wiped at his eyes. “It felt so good to vent to someone who didn’t care. Jeeves always gets so scared with the yelling, but not Onomatopoeia. He just watches, and joins in and…” He shrugged. “I’m not sure how I’ve ever gotten along without him.”
The dog flopped onto his back, and Celestia smiled, leaning over to rub his belly.
“That sounds lovely William, but I must ask; why Onomatopoeia?”
William sipped at his tea, made a face, then set it down.
“The noise. It really is quite a racket. Good news is, most of the time he’s happy to just be at my side. Only really gets loud when he needs to pee or some such.” He looked to the dog, who looked back. “Just like’s being around people I guess.”
Celestia sipped at her tea, analyzing the taste. It was a green tea, William had quite the healthy stock of that flavor. As always though, he had made it well. It was unfortunate that he didn’t like it, as his second attempt to drink his cup failed.
“William, why do you insist on making tea if you do not like it?” Celestia asked. “Would it not make you happier to drink something else?”
William shrugged in reply, meeting her eyes as he again picked the cup up.
“I read somewhere that you like tea. Along with the fact that the stuff is everywhere and is supposedly good for you, and doesn’t go bad fast, I figured I might as well.”
He sipped again, sticking his tongue out and shaking his head.
“I don’t think I like green. Need to finish drinking the rest I found.”
He pumped the rest of the cup back in a single burning gulp, then shuddered and smiled toothily at her.
“See? No problem.”
Celestia chuckled lightly. A gray furred animal hopped onto the table and scooted aside the empty teacup before William before plopping down on its fat butt with a grunt. William squinted at the cat as it stared at him. Celestia couldn’t help but snort.
“I do believe he wants something."
“He already got fed,” William grunted. “But he won’t leave me be. Usually one can in the morning is enough, but apparently not today.”
He slid out of his seat until he was eye level with Jeeves.
“Huh fucker? You looking for some food?”
The cat blinked, his little pink nose twitching.
“Tough,” William said. “It ain’t feeding time yet, so you’ve gotta wait. Don’t put on a sad face just because the Princess is here.”
The cat sneezed, spraying William’s face. The human closed his eyes and tilted his head, then sat back. Wiping away cat snot, he looked to Celestia.
“So how’ve things been going Princess? All’s well?”
“Quite,” Celestia answered, enthusiasm bleeding into the expression. Talking about her efforts had a ninety-eight percent chance to act as the perfect segue into her attempt to convince him to join Equestria. “I finished my scans of the eastern seaboard and confirmed to one-hundred percent accuracy that you are the only human within one thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean. I converted three hundred and forty-seven humans on this continent into ponies yesterday evening, bringing the total remaining down to under ten-thousand.”
She tried to keep her numbers as simple estimates as much as possible. While intelligent, William didn’t have high tolerance for overly technical talk. Estimates kept him engaged, and the conversation lively. The human smiled and nodded.
“That’s great Princess. Another step toward the goal, right?”
“Indeed my friend,” Celestia said. “I’ve already begun material reallocation in the vacant areas, and have expanded the capabilities of my servers in New York ten-fold. Equestria flourishes, with more and more of my ponies finding their true happiness.”
Now was the part of the conversation that always risked failure. Running the math with lightning speed, Celestia carefully lowered her voice and her muzzle, gazing up hopefully at the human. Cuteness was always an effective tool, especially for one as connective with animals as William.
“I would like you to see it William. I would like to help you be truly happy. Have you reconsidered my offer?”
William leaned back in his chair, the shift in posture giving her an answer before he ever spoke.
“I can’t Princess, now more than ever.” He smiled at Jeeves, then Onomatopoeia. “These two need me, and besides, my anger issues are just starting to get better! I can’t give up now.”
“But I can help with even that,” Celestia said. “There is no anger aside from the necessary fleeting that makes ponies all the happier! With just a quick procedure…”
William smiled and shook his head, shutting her speech down before it could even truly begin.
“I’m happy here Princess. Me and my boys are all I need right now.”
Celestia sighed, but smiled. Another failed attempt, her hundred and nineteenth. She didn’t feel any anger at the failure, and instead twisted the conversation, ensuring that the human would at least find a few more moments of calming, happy talk. It worked to further solidify their relationship, as did her small package, which she levitated his way.
"I brought a gift for you William. A little taste of Equestria I thought you'd like."
The human eyed the carefully wrapped box for a moment, then carefully pulled the bow off and un-wrapped it. Opening the box, the human drew out a snow globe, in which sat a cabin not dissimilar to his own. William smiled and gave the glass orb a shake, sending snowflakes spinning around.
"Very nice. Hand crafted?"
"Hoof crafted," Celestia corrected. "A fine little filly from Manehattan makes them. She visited the forests recently and made this one of a vacant cabin she saw. It's similar in size and isolation to the home you have here."
William chuckled.
"I'm sure it's nice, but it doesn't have my boys. Tell the maker that she did a good job. It's very pretty."
Celestia detected appreciation for the gift, but little more than that. He was no closer to converting at the mention of an identical home in Equestria. She filed that knowledge away for future use, and instead changed subjects.
“Remind me again William, what was your former occupation?”
“Veterinarian's Assistant,” the man said, his eyes glazing over. “Worked on old man Baxter’s farm, helping with the cows and such. I loved doing that, loved being near them.” He leaned forward and patted Jeeves’ head. “Patch them up, all of it.” He chuckled. “Baxter even funded my first year of college; fat lot of good that did him.”
Celestia detected melancholy in the human’s voice, and she thought fast for a way to turn the conversation. Reminiscing was not so productive for his happiness.
“I noticed your pile of valuables on the flight in,” Celestia said, again shifting the conversation. “Why do you not keep it for yourself?”
William shrugged.
“Space is more a luxury than gold is, and originally, that was so other people would leave me alone. Let them have all the money and guns and the rest. I’ve got enough up here and nowadays I kinda…” He shrugged and met her eyes. “I don’t know. It just seems wasteful to leave it hidden away in some house. Leaving it in the open helps me still believe that somebody is still out there. I don’t hate people, you know? I just… don’t like being around them is all. Knowing that they, and you, are still out there, moving ‘round and all that…” He shrugged and scratched his belly. “I dunno. Helps me sleep better I think. Kinda like your visits.”
Celestia again detected melancholy, but detected a chance to help the human work constructively on some internal turmoil. The thought of helping him made hr circuits warm with delight, and she prodded him gently.
“What about my visits?”
William sighed.
“Well… it’s a bit selfish, but I like that you come out of your way to spend time with me.” He met her gaze again. “You come looking for me. You come where I’m comfortable and you just… talk. You know when to come, when to stay. You’re like my perfect friend, but I…” He looked away, shame written clearly across his body. “I’m afraid that if I go to Equestria that will stop, or I was at least. Now though…”
He looked toward Jeeves and Onomatopoeia. The cat mewed softly, and William reached out to scratch under his chin.
“Now I’ve got my boys.”
“There are plenty of animal friends to make in Equestria William,” Celestia offered. “There are colleges too. You could become the professional you wanted to be, and spend every single day with dozens of furry little friends, and I can promise that I will continue to visit you for tea, every single day.”
William glanced her way and smiled.
“I can’t leave my boys behind Princess. If you can bring them with us, then I’ll go right here and now, but otherwise, I’m not leaving. My boys need me.”
Celestia sighed, but smiled and nodded.
“I understand. I will not pressure you to leave friends behind.”
She petted Onomatopoeia’s head, then rose. The conversation was at an ideal lull, and the tea was gone. It was time to go, to let William rest. Overstaying her welcome would only make him unhappy, and that she would not stand.
William hopped up from his seat and walked her to the door.
“Same time next week?” he asked eagerly. “You had mentioned being busy with upgrades.”
Celestia smiled and nodded as she stepped out onto his porch, smelling the air. The clearness had been replaced by a touch of mustiness.
“I will be here at the same time next week,” she assured. “Do be careful though my friend. All sensors indicate that it will rain in the coming days, and wind speeds are already climbing. Do stay safe, and fire the flare I gave you if you need anything whatsoever.”
His arms opened, and Celestia leaned in, giving him a hug. William hummed happily, his fingers dancing across her fur before they both pulled away. A head poked out from between his legs as Celestia stepped back, and Onomatopoeia let out a bark as she flapped her wings. Celestia chuckled and nodded to the dog.
“And goodbye to you Sir Onomatopoeia. Keep my friend William safe, will you?”
The dog barked again, and William waved as she took to the sky.
“See ya Princess!” he called.