“Okay, how's any of this supposed to help me become a buffalo?” I asked, slightly irritated by what was going on.
“It's part of the tradition for most of our ceremonies,” Little Strongheart said calmly as she dipped her hoof in the bowl of red paint and smeared it on my cheek. “And be quiet while I'm doing this. Your entire face moves when you talk.”
I just tapped my rear hoof impatiently as she swirled the paint in a loose spiral. I already had eight different colors all over my face and coat. The buffaloes had felt the need to outline each of my ribs in blue and yellow, probably as yet another joke about my scrawniness. I was really starting to get tired of everyone pointing it out.
We were standing in the cleared space in the middle of the unevenly spaced teepees. The sun was just about to set and a large bonfire had been lit in the center of the camp. Chief Thuderhooves and the six other ponies were sitting off to the side on a flat log.
Most of the buffaloes had also gathered to watch me go through with their rite of passage, which still hadn't been explained. They still didn't seem too enthusiastic about having ponies in their home, but at least they weren't glaring at us anymore. Instead, they waited quietly in a wide circle for the proceedings to begin.
Strongheart finished her latest design and let go of my head. She wiped the extra paint off her hoof with a rag and nodded.
“Alright, that's taken care of. Now the hard part begins.”
“And that is...?” I asked.
“We don't know yet,” Thunderhooves rumbled. “The Matriarch will be the one to discern the signs that dictate what tests await you.”
“Where is this Matriarch?” Twilight asked as she looked around. “She was mentioned earlier, but I haven't seen another female around anywhere.”
“I'm here, you ungrateful whelps!” came a frail voice as a huddled figure made its way from a nearby tent toward the firelight.
If you thought that Granny Smith was old and decrepit, you probably can't even imagine how ancient the Matriarch looked. She didn't have a face so much as a bunch of wrinkles where her face should have been. Her greyish tan fur had bald patches and large bunions grew from her legs all the way up to the knees. She shuffled instead of walking, as if her joints refused to work properly.
“Where's my piano, Cloudstomp?” she demanded with a wheeze and leered at us all with milk-white eyes. “You know I can't dance without a piano! And why didn't you bring me any cactus bits earlier?”
“Mother, please try to focus,” Thunderhooves said in that special voice that you use when you're dealing with an impossible situation but still trying to be gentle.
“Wait, she's your mother?” Rainbow Dash gasped. “She looks like she's two hundred years old at least!”
“More like five hundred,” the chief whispered as the Matriarch took a seat next to him (but facing the wrong way). “And she's actually my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother. But she thinks that I'm my own ancestor.”
“I can hear you!” the Matriarch screeched at a nearby wooden box. “Stop goin' on about my garden! I'll have you know that my tomatoes are twice as big as Riversteps'!”
“Is she alright?” Fluttershy asked almost inaudibly.
“Matriarch, we—” Little Strongheart began, but the other cow turned around and cut her off.
“Riversteps! Are you the one who's been spreadin' lies about my garden? I can't believe you'd do such a thing!”
“No,” Strongheart said quickly, then took a deep breath. “Matriarch, we have a pony who wishes to become a member of our tribe. We need you to roll the stones for him.”
I could feel the elderly buffalo's eyes roll around and turn to me, despite them not having pupils. Her face relaxed slightly and her features settled into a thoughtful expression. I got the feeling that she actually understood what was going on now.
“So you want to become one of us, hmm?” she asked in a much stronger voice than before. It was pretty damn disturbing how her blind eyes looked at me.
“Yeah, that's right,” I said nervously. “I'm ready to go through with whatever test you have. What is it, anyway?”
“That's for the Ancients to decide,” she said and threw a hoof into the air dramatically. “Someone bring me my bag!”
“Here,” muttered a large brown buffalo who set a battered leather satchel next to her. He quickly retreated back to his place in the ring of onlookers.
“Alright, now where is it?” the Matriarch mumbled under her breath as she rumaged through the bag. “I swear, someone moves my things around when I have my back turn—Here they are!”
She pulled a smaller felt bag out of the satchel and shook it open. Ten smooth black stones with odd runes and symbols painted around their edges fell out and scattered on the ground. The polished rocks shone brightly in the firelight.
“These will let us know what tasks the Ancients require of you,” the matriarch said quietly, which made everyone have to lean forward to hear her words. “Every rule and detail will be revealed. Three times they shall be cast. If you can accomplish the trials demanded, you will be recognized as a member of our tribe, with all the rights and responsibilities that go along with that. Are you ready to begin, stallion?”
I glanced at the six mares. They all nodded encouragingly.
“I'm ready,” I said.
The matriarch grabbed the stones with both hooves and shook them roughly. She began to chant softly, using words that I couldn't make out. The sun sank completely out of sight while she spoke and the tip of the moon peeked above the opposite horizon.
Then she threw the stones back to the ground. They landed in a seemingly random pattern, but the Matriarch stooped over them and continued mumbling under her breath. For a full minute she stayed like that, then straightened up again and looked sightlessly right at me.
“The Ancients have declared that your first test will be one of endurance.”
* * * * *
“Ugh!” I groaned as I painfully lifted myself off the ground. It would have been much easier if the buffaloes hadn't tied a massive boulder to my back. It was at least as big as 'Tom' and easily weighed three or four times as much as I did. Needless to say, it tried to send me right back to the dirt.
“What exactly do the stones say?” Little Strongheart asked the Matriarch uncertainly. “What does he have to do now?”
“Now he gets to walk with it,” she replied flatly. “Around the fire a thousand times, or until dawn. Whichever comes first.”
“Oh, balls,” I muttered to myself. I was already worn out, and I hadn't taken so much as a single step.
“Is this really necessary?” Twilight asked as she dubiously examined the rock.
“It is if he wants to be one of us,” Thunderhooves rumbled. “What the Ancients demand is what he must do.”
I grimaced and took a few experimental steps forward. The rock seemed to press deeper into my spine with each motion. A few more painful strides. That felt even worse.
This is gonna be a long night, I realized. With a quiet groan, I slowly began my first lap.
* * * * *
Not only was it a long and painful ordeal, it was boring as hell too. It was just one step after the next in an endless circle, and quite a few buffaloes left when it became clear that nothing interesting was going to happen until morning.
The strain against the boulder was made even worse by the headache and sharp stomach pains that began and gradually increased throughout the night. I could feel my patience with the rock draining with each step and each second seemed to be drag on for about half a minute. I dimly recalled that such issues are commonly associated with nicotine withdrawl.
To distract myself from the discomfort, I turned my eyes upward and looked at the shimmering stars. It had been a long time since I'd seen even one—city lights tend to make stargazing impossible—and the inky sky was absolutely filled with dots of bright light, more than I could remember ever seeing at once. The constellations all stood out particularly well, despite the bright fire that I was circling.
As I examined the V-shape of Andromeda, I got an idea. To help pass the time, I focused my mind on some music. It's one of the things that I do when I'm bored or stuck doing something monotonous, and I had figured out how to turn my brain into a serviceable mp3 player with plenty of songs to choose from in a pinch. In this case, some Blue Öyster Cult seemed appropriate.
I concentrated, and a slow string of piano notes accompanied by a steady drum beat began to play in my head, just below the level of actually hearing them.
The clock strikes twelve and moondrops burst
Out at you from their hiding place.
Like acid and oil on a madman's face,
His reason tends to fly away.
Like lesser birds on the four winds,
Like silver scrapes in May,
And now the sands become a crust,
Most of you have gone away.
Come Susy dear, let's take a walk
Just out there upon the beach.
I know you'll soon be married
And you want to know where the winds come from.
Well it's never said at all
On the map that Carrie reads,
Behind the clock back there, you know,
At the four winds baaaarrr.
I dipped my head slightly in time with the beat as the guitar came in. It had been too long since I'd last heard this song, and I was actually starting to enjoy myself.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Four winds at the four winds bar,
Two doors locked and windows barred.
One door let to take you in,
The other one just mirrors it.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
In hellish glare and inference,
The other one's a duplicate.
The queenly flux, eternal light,
Or the light that never warms
It's the light that never,
Neeeeever warms!
Oh, the li—
My my brain ground to a sudden halt and my legs locked up. The boulder was a bit more reluctant to stop, so I pitched forward into the dust and slid for a few more painful inches. Everyone who was still around to watch me snapped out of their bored daze to look.
“Fuck!” I growled to myself as I regained my senses and stood back up. The rock tried to keep me pinned to the ground, but after a moment's struggle I was back on my hooves.
“Are you alright?” Little Strongheart asked worriedly and cocked her head to the side.
“I'm fine,” I reassured her as I resumed my slow circuit around the bonfire. “Twilight, could you come over here for a minute?”
“What is it?” the purple unicorn asked as she fell into step beside me.
“Do you remember the third hint? The one that Discord wrote for us in Ponyville?”
She eyed me quizzically. “Yes, I do. 'The spire of the light that never warms.' What about it?”
“I think I just figured out what it means. Part of it, anyway.”
That grabbed her attention. “That's great! What is it?”
I jerked my head skyward, which hurt my burdened spine as the weight shifted slightly. “Take a look up there.”
Twilight squinted at the heavens for a few seconds, then returned her gaze to me. “The stars?”
“The moon,” I corrected. “The light that never warms is the moon.”
“Are you sure about that?” she asked doubtfully. “How do you know?”
“I was thinking of an old song that I know,” I explained tersely, not even bothering to come up with a lie.
“A song?” She looked dubious again.
“What, do you have a better hunch?”
“Well...no,” she admitted slowly, her brow wrinkling as she thought. “And I guess it makes sense, too. I never really thought of it like that.”
“So now we just need to figure out the part about the spire,” I muttered tiredly. “Any idea what that could be?”
Twilight tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe. I'll write a letter tomorrow and see what Princess Celestia thinks.” She cringed suddenly. “I really hope this one doesn't end up in her nose.”
I didn't respond and just focused on hauling the boulder.
* * * * *
I continued to struggle onward for hours. Even more of the buffaloes walked off. The ones who were left occasionally tossed another piece of wood into the bonfire to keep it from burning down. Thunderhooves and Little Strongheart struggled to stay alert while the Matriarch snored and muttered nonsensically in her sleep. The mares all stayed, but they didn't seem to be enjoying themselves. They started playing with a deck of cards to pass the time.
Sometime around lap number ninety (I wasn't really counting, so I'm not completely sure when it happened), Rainbow Dash set her cards down, stretched, and looked over at me. She scowled at my slow progress.
“C'mon, are you still not done yet? I coulda finished a thousand laps twice by now!”
“Well, you're not the one doin' this, so shut up!” I snapped. I was tired, sweaty, bereft of booze and cigarettes, and had a boulder chafing against my spine as I carried it around. I was not in a mood for criticism.
“You shut up!” she shouted angrily, which drew everyone's attention. “Stop wasting your breath talkin' and get back to haulin' that rock, rock-hauler!”
“Go soak your tits in an outhouse!” I snarled back. It wasn't the most elegant insult, but I was having a hard time thinking of a better one.
“You can take a log and shove it—” We were spared from hearing the rest of her tirade as Twilight made her horn glow purple and a zipper appeared over Rainbow's lips.
“That's enough!” Twilight said loudly.
“You leave me out of this!” the Matriarch screeched as she woke up. “I'm just peeling this orange, I don't need to hear your opinions about politics!” After rolling the stones and explaining their significance, her dementia had returned with a vengeance.
“Alright, we'll just—”
The Matriarch suddenly leaned close to Fluttershy. “Blossom, did I ever tell you about the time that I made love with four bulls at once?”
“Uh...no?” Fluttershy mumbled with a small squeak, clearly terrified of the senile buffalo cow.
“Well, it was some time in the spring about three centuries ago...”
“Mother, we don't need to hear this,” Chief Thunderhooves objected uncomfortably.
“You all look old enough to me! Now, where was I? Oh! It was in spring next to a big rock by the Gurglebrook River. One of the bulls was named Glenbrow, and he...”
I have to cut her story off right there because it's too filthy and depraved to recount here. She put in a ludicrous amount of colorful details about everything, and judging by all the faces that I could see, it made everyone present feel dirty. I could feel even more blood pump into my face with every word that the Matriarch said.
“...And my thighs didn't stop burning for a week!” she triumphantly finished about twenty minutes later. She was wearing a shameless smile that stretched across her multitude of wrinkles.
“I...I really don't know what to say,” the chief mumbled. He was deliberately looking away from everyone and shifted his weight uneasily.
Rarity seemed to be badly perturbed by what she'd just heard. “That is...uh, I...”
“Ah think Ah'm gonna hurl,” Applejack muttered. Her face definitely had a touch of green in it.
Pinkie Pie looked puzzled. “I don't understand. Who takes a cactus and—” We didn't get to hear the rest of her question, as Twilight decided to put a zipper on her mouth as well.
I just put a little more energy into my legs and kept walking in an attempt to keep the foul mental images out of my head.
* * * * *
“Cog?” a hazy voice whispered.
“Huh?” I blinked and forced my eyes to refocus. I'd stopped paying attention to my surroundings hours earlier and just trudged on in a half-alert daze. My back was really sore and the rock felt heavier than ever. I could actually feel my knees swelling from the pressure of the added weight. A cigarette would have helped immensely.
“The sun's coming up, so you can stop now,” Twilight said. She looked like she was forcing herself to stay awake, and the other five mares had all drifted off to sleep at some point. She was right, though; a warm yellow glow was spreading across the eastern horizon and getting stronger by the second.
“Ugh, that's great. Could you help me get this thing off?” I tilted my head back and bumped it against the boulder.
Purple light surrounded Twilight's horn and the straps that held the rock to my back untied themselves. The stone tipped and fell off to the ground with a dull thwump.
Twilight sucked her breath in sharply as the magic faded. “That looks painful,” she muttered as she stared at my back.
I twisted my head around to see what she was looking at. Even through my coat I could see a long patch of blisters and bloody scratches that hadn't been there before. It did look painful, but I only felt a dull ache along my entire spine.
Chief Thunderhooves yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Mother, it's time to wake up.”
The Matriarch was snoring again, this time with her head propped up against Pinkie Pie's rump. She was drooling into her open satchel.
“Mother!” Thunderhooves growled and poked the side of her head.
“I'M BEIN' ATTACKED!” the geriatric buffalo screeched. “SOMEONE GET ME A SPEAR AND A BRAN MUFFIN!”
“What's goin' on? Who's bein' 'tacked?” Applejack asked groggily as she was woken up by the yelling. The entire camp seemed to be awake now too.
“No one is being attacked,” the chief said as he calmly shut his distant grandmother's mouth. “It's time to find out what the second trial is.”
“Already?” Rarity asked incredulously as she magically removed dozens of curlers from her mane and tail. “Cog only just finished the first task! And you expect him to carry on right to the next part?”
“Yes,” said the Matriarch as she pulled away from Thunderhooves' hoof.She seemed to have temporarily regained her mental clarity again. “Restin' between the tests isn't permitted. That's one reason why we don't have many ponies tryin' to join our tribe. Now where did those rocks go to?”
“Cog, are you alright?” Fluttershy asked gently as she flew over and examined the damage that the rock had done to my back. “That looks bad. I'll go get some bandages and take care of that.”
“Sorry, but healing up isn't allowed either,” Little Strongheart said regretfully. “It'll have to wait until all three parts are over.”
“Is there anything else that we can't do while this is going on?” I asked through clenched teeth. The fatigue, pain, and lack of cigarettes had sent my temper to dangerous levels.
“If you're all done talkin'...” the Matriarch said impatiently as she gathered her stones together. Her earlier yelling had attracted the attention of the entire camp and the majority of the buffaloes tiredly resumed their places in the wide circle to watch the remaining tests. Apparently they didn't have anything better to do this early in the day.
With more chanting, the Matriarch tossed the stones again. They fell in a confused spread and she bent over them to determine the result. It suddenly occurred to me to wonder how she could tell what the rocks said if she was blind, and no answer presented itself.
“Hmmm...interestin'. This roll means that you get to skip the second trial completely. It seems that the Ancients actually want you to become a member after all.”
“Well, that's good,” Strongheart said with a small smile while the Matriarch gathered the rocks for the final toss. “That's one less thing to worry about.”
The stones were rolled a third time. I could have sworn that I saw a dark shadow that was shaped vaguely like a lion's paw pass over them as they settled, but none of the others seemed to notice. I furiously blinked my eyes to clear my vision as the Matriarch looked at the resulting mess of rocks.
“Oh, my. I guess I was wrong. The Ancients just want to hurry up and get to the part where you die.”
“The...wait, what?” I mumbled blearily. That didn't sound right. “Could you run that by me again?”
“The last test is one of combat,” she explained with an evil smile. “You'll have to fight one of our own.”
“Combat?” Rarity cried in alarm. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” the Matriarch said with a nasty chuckle. “And against Ironjaw, no less.”
“Ironjaw?!” Thunderhooves and Strongheart shouted in unison, their faces identical masks of horror. A lot of the other buffaloes suddenly began whispering nervously to each other. A few even purposefully took a few steps away from me.
“What's going on?” Rainbow Dash demanded. The zipper on her mouth had disappeared at some point during the night. “What's wrong? Who's Ironjaw?”
“Cog,” Strongheart said with deadly seriousness. “If you want my advice, you should withdraw from the rite immediately. You don't want a fight with Ironjaw.”
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, really pissed off at what I was hearing. “I just gave a fucking boulder a ride all night! And now you're telling me to drop out? What gives?”
“He's not backin' out!” Applejack agreed heartily. “An' don' even think 'bout givin' 'im a reason ta! Mah sis ain't waitin' a whole month ta get home!”
“You don't understand! Not only is Ironjaw a crazy monster, but he's bloodthirsty too!”
“I've dealt with the 'bloodthirsty' type before,” I said and rolled my eyes. “They're all a bunch of pushovers who just talk tough.”
“Not Ironjaw!” Strongheart insisted. “I mean he's literally bloodthirsty. He doesn't live in the camp anymore because he'll kill animals just to rip them apart and drink their blood. And if he can't catch any, he'll eat cactus fruits with the spikes still in them so that cuts his mouth up while he chews!”
Fluttershy's eyes went wide. “K-k-kills a-animals?” she asked with a terrified squeak.
“Well, are you goin' to fight or not?” the Matriarch asked impatiently.
“I have a bad feeling about this, Cog,” Twilight whispered apprehensively.
I really should have thought a bit longer before answering. Every one of the buffaloes present, with the exception of the too-eager Matriarch, was agitated at the very mention of Ironjaw's name. Little Strongheart was genuinely reluctant to let me carry on. The elder cow had sounded pretty certain that I would be killed.
If I'd had a clear head, I would have recognized that those were all signs that something was wrong. Very wrong.
But I was half-delirious at this point and just tossed my head.
“Let's get this over with,” I muttered loudly.
* * * * *
The fight was to take place inside a small cave that sunk into the side of a mountain that was fairly close to the camp. The whole place was oddly humid and sharp stalactites hung from the vaulted ceiling. A few torches that were stuck to the walls provided dim, flickering light in the darkness.
A pair of buffalo bulls busied themselves with drawing a large circle in the middle of the cavern with green paint. The edges of the ring stretched almost to the rough walls, which didn't leave a lot of room for the spectators.
“I don't like this,” Twilight said seriously as we waited. “There's no telling what's going to happen.”
“Cog's gonna get the shit beat outta him, that's what's gonna happen,” Rainbow whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear.
“Rainbow Dash! What is wrong with you?” Rarity demanded harshly before I could make my own response. “It's one thing to not trust somepony, but there's no reason at all to say such things! And furthermore, Cog is...is...I...Oh my.” Her voice died off as she laid eyes on the newcomer that entered the cave.
Let's put together a buffalo in your mind: he's the biggest, meanest, scariest, nastiest buffalo imaginable. Add more muscles and a perpetual sneer. Make him growl and snort menacingly at everything he sees. The ground shakes when he walks. He's the stuff of nightmares.
Ironjaw was that buffalo's abusive older brother. He wasn't big; he was goddamn enormous. Chief Thunderhooves was tiny in comparison. Even in my dazed state, I could recognize the dangers of fighting a foe as large as a bull elephant.
But even if he'd been the same size as the other buffaloes, he still would've been fucking terrifying. His black hide and glaring red eyes made him look like some kind of balrog-buffalo hybrid. His horns were massive shards of bone and the ends had been filed down to keen points. There were dark, rust-like stains on the tips. It was all too easy to imagine him impaling a rabbit or fox on them and pinning it down until it bled to death.
But the worst part of all was his mouth. Every millimeter of his black lips was covered with jagged scars and open sores that he occasionally licked at. His gray tongue was also scarred and had a large bloody ulcer on the end. I swear that I could have gotten tetanus just from looking at it, but I had trouble tearing my gaze away.
At the sight of him, Fluttershy squeaked and cowered in a trembling lump behind a stalagmite. Rainbow's mouth dropped open in shock. Applejack looked like she couldn't believe that such a fiendish creature could even exist. Twilight looked ready to run away. Rarity looked ready to faint away. Pinkie looked like she was imagining putting a party hat on Ironjaw's head and tying balloons to his horns.
Ironjaw sniffed at the air as he came all the way inside the cave. His wild red eyes fixed on me, or, more accurately, my injured back.
“Blood,” I heard him mutter to himself. His voice was gravelly and rough beyond belief, and that single word sent an ice-cold tingle down my spine.
“Uh, Ah take back what Ah said earlier,” Applejack said nervously. “Maybe ya should back out after all.”
“No way,” I heard myself say, even though I hadn't told my mouth to move. That felt weird, but then again my whole body felt weird at that point. I just chalked it up to fatigue.
“Cog, don't do this!” Rarity muttered in my ear hysterically. “You can't do this, just look at him! You're in no condition to fight anything, let alone that monster!”
“When you're ready, step into the ring,” Chief Thunderhooves said, his voice even and emotionless. Ironjaw moved to one edge of the green circle and stomped his massive hoof restlessly. The other buffaloes took a few hurried steps away from him and waited anxiously for the fight to begin.
“Standard fightin' rules,” the Matriarch said aloud, a bit too excited about the proceedings for my comfort. “Beat each other up until one of you can't fight anymore. No weapons. If you go outside the circle, you lose.”
“Uh, we're having second thoughts, actually,” Twilight announced quickly.
“The hell we are,” I snapped and stepped to the remaining half of the ring. Again, I hadn't made myself do any of that. Strange, I thought as I experimentally flicked my tail around.
Before crossing the line, I paused and turned back to the others. “Anypony got some advice?”
“Put your head between your legs and kiss your butt goodbye!” Pinkie shouted, her ever-present grin stretching from ear to ear.
I rolled my eyes. “Anypony got some useful advice?”
“Keep your eyes open and don't underestimate him,” Little Strongheart offered.
“Is it even possible ta overestimate 'im?” Applejack asked apprehensively as she looked at Ironjaw again. The buffalo was still staring transfixedly at my spine.
I turned my back on them, took a quick breath, and stepped into the circle. Immediately, Ironjaw stamped his hooves into the rocky ground and launched himself at me with a savage growl.
If I hadn't gotten so used to my equine body over the previous days, the fight would have been over in less than two seconds. As it happened, I was able to dodge to the side and avoid the buffalo's charge. He somehow kept himself from going over the edge of the circle and pivoted to face me again.
I'd thought that he was pretty scary before, but I almost shit myself from the look in his eyes at that particular moment. It wasn't just because of what he looked like or even that he wanted to suck the blood right out of my veins, but it was the sheer joy that glinted in his gaze. He was trying to kill me and he was having the time of his fucking life.
I was so distracted by the realization that he was going to have fun stomping me into paste that I almost didn't get out of the way as he jabbed his head massive head toward me. Almost. I managed to back away far enough so that his forehead stopped a couple inches short.
Out of sheer instinct, I rammed my own head forward as soon as his momentum stopped. The top of my skull collided with his, and it was like headbutting a solid steel barrier. I might as well have attacked the walls of the cave for all the good it did.
As I backed off and tried to get my head straight again, Ironjaw actually snorted in derisive amusement. Then he bounded after me again and struck out with a single hoof.
I wish I could say that I was quicker and more agile than him because I was so much smaller. But that wasn't the case at all; even Rainbow Dash would have been hard pressed to get out of his way. Given my present condition, there was no way that I could have possibly avoided his latest attack.
It felt like someone had swung a sledgehammer right into my shoulder, and the impact threw me into the center of the circle. I heard the ponies cry out as I painfully hit the ground, and there was a sympathetic groan from the buffaloes as well. I shot a quick glance at the spectators and say that many of them were shaking their heads in pity.
I muttered a few particularly vile swearwords and tried to push myself back to my hooves, but Ironjaw's foot came down on my withers and pinned my collarbone to the ground and shoved my face into the dust. That got a short nicker of pain out of me.
He lowered his head to my back, which was bleeding again from the scabs tearing themselves open. I could hear him sniff a few times.
“Blood,” he muttered softly as I squirmed and tried desperately to break away from the hoof that held me immobile. My struggling didn't do a damn thing.
I felt something wet and slimy slowly drag itself across my spine and realized that he was tasting my blood before going for the kill. The thought of becoming his next drink really didn't seem like a pleasant way to die.
My back legs kicked out and upward seemingly of their own accord. I must have gotten a lucky shot and hit his kidney or some other vulnerable area because he grunted in pain and the pressure from his hoof let up. I quickly rolled away before he could recover and stood up.
Ironjaw growled in fury as I got away. His eyes burned with hatred and his tongue passed over his lips a few times, as if he were trying to savor every last bit of my blood before continuing the fight. He let me collect myself and didn't rush to tear me apart for some reason.
Shit, this isn't working out, I realized as my shoulder twinged in pain again. I was limping slightly to compensate. I need a new strategy. Something that'll catch him off guard.
I backed up a few more steps and found myself at the very edge of the circle, this time at the end where my opponent had started from. He was still standing in the middle, just biding his time and watching me hungrily. Waiting for me to make the next move.
My move was to plant my legs in a firm stance and rake my forehoof against the ground twice. There was a surprised gasp from the audience as I lowered my head in a challenge.
“Have you lost your mind?!” Twilight shouted, but I ignored her and concentrated on the black demon-buffalo in front of me.
Ironjaw just blinked a few times in disbelief. Even to his addled mind, this must have seemed like a really stupid thing to do. Hell, it seemed stupid to me too.
But sometimes its the stupid things that really make a difference, I thought to myself. That was exactly as reassuring as you'd think.
I pushed my legs as hard as they could go and galloped straight at my foe. In response, Ironjaw's huge hooves thundered and shook the cavern as he came running right at me. His red eyes were locked on mine as the distance closed. The buffaloes around the circle all sucked their breath in and some covered their faces so that they wouldn't get chunks of me flying into their eyes.
A fraction of a second before collision, I leaped forward and to the left. I knew that what I was doing would be painful if not outright fatal, but to my overclocked brain it was the only thing that had a chance of actually inflicting any damage. A very slim chance.
Ironjaw didn't have time to react as I crashed into his leg and threw all of my weight against it. For reference, it felt like jumping out of a speeding car and smacking straight into a telephone pole. But by some miracle I managed to get a decent hold and yanked downward.
I got lucky. Really lucky. Not only did my suicidal attack actually manage to throw off his balance, I hit him just as he was pushing off with his back legs. The end result was that he tripped over me, flew into the air, and fell into a rolling crash that make the cave tremble violently. Most of the torches were thrown right off the walls.
A few of the surrounding buffaloes had to scramble to avoid being flattened by the tumbling Ironjaw, and the others all stared in amazement at what had just happened. To say that their jaws dropped would be an understatement—they were totally floored that I was still alive. Chief Thunderhooves looked particularly astonished, and the way that his eyes bugged out would have been hilarious if I hadn't been in so much pain.
My sternum and ribs all blazed with torturous pain from the collision with his leg, but I forced my body to obey and stood back up. That really hurt, and I muttered some of the most vulgar words in existence as I turned to face the insane black buffalo, who had already gotten to his hooves again. There was a collective hiss of shock from everyone present as he spun around and we all got another look at him.
Ironjaw's face was messed up. It's really not surprising that smacking it into the ground and putting his whole weight on it would break his nose and scratch his chin to hell, but most of his lower lip was completely torn away as well. His cankerous gray tongue dabbed gingerly at the furiously bleeding wound and lapped up as much blood as possible. After a few moments of that, he shifted his eyes back to me.
I hadn't thought that it was even possible to piss him off any more, but I'd somehow managed to do it. By all the laws of physics, the intensity of his glare should have made my coat burst into flames. He snorted in fury and charged at me yet again.
Fuck, I had time to think.
I got ready to dodge once more—or at least try to, assuming my battered body would allow it—but Ironjaw's hooves sank right into the ground and stuck there. Caught by surprise, he thrashed around in the liquified rock and tried to get his footing, but he just sunk deeper. Then his hooves were trapped completely as the ground solidified once again.
“What is the meaning of this?” Chief Thunderhooves demanded angrily as Ironjaw fought against the stone that imprisoned him. “You're not allowed to interfere!”
I flicked my eyes around and discovered that the chief was yelling at Twilight, whose horn was surrounded by fading purple light. She was scowling at the struggling Ironjaw.
“I'm not interfering!” she said irascibly. “Were any of you paying attention? The fight's over. He went over the line.”
There was a string of surprised muttering around the ring of buffaloes as they realized that she was right. Ironjaw had rolled out of the ring after tripping over me and was trapped a few inches outside green circle.
Holy shit, I actually won, I thought numbly as the applause started. The buffaloes stamped their hooves and a few called out congratulations. The Matriarch looked a little disappointed that I wasn't a red smear on the floor, but begrudgingly added her own stomps.
It was much the same with the ponies. Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie looked genuinely happy that the fight was over and that I'd survived. Applejack and Fluttershy still seemed to be in shock over the whole ordeal. Rainbow Dash was muttering something about how she could have beaten Ironjaw in a more spectacular way in a fraction of the time, but even she seemed to realize how bitchy that sounded.
I just rolled my eyes and reminded myself that I'd overcome the buffaloes' challenge. The way was clear to their sacred cave and the second clue. I took a deep, painful breath of the smoky air and let my tense muscles relax.
That was the wrong thing to do.
With a ear-shattering Crack!, Ironjaw ripped his legs right out of the rocky ground. And fixed his fiery red eyes on me again.
“BLOOOOOD!” he roared and sprinted at me. He lowered his head like a battering ram.
I was caught off guard and didn't get out of the way in time. There was an agonizing pain in my side as his razor-sharp horn stabbed into my ribcage. He tossed his head and threw me off effortlessly.
You never really know what it feels like to fly through the air, spurting blood out of a hole in your side, and crash into a solid stone wall until it happens to you. Suffice to say that it is painful as hell.
“Unh! Motherfucker!” I groaned weakly as I rolled off the wall and fell to the ground. My vision flashed from white to black and back again and my glasses were skewed at an awkward angle on my nose. I could feel a lot of blood pouring out of the wound. That couldn't be good.
“Stand down, Ironjaw!” Little Strongheart shouted somewhere in the distance. “The fight's over! Back off! Stop!”
But he wasn't listening to a word she said. He'd tasted my blood, and the sight of more was driving him into a berserk rage. He shook off the buffaloes that crowded around and tried to hold him back.
“BLOOOOOD!” he screamed again as he shoved his way through the line and charged.
I frantically tried to get up and move out of his way, but my legs refused to support my weight. My body fell right back down and my shoulders blazed with pain. Even my adrenaline wasn't enough to overcome the damage.
Ironjaw was less than twenty feet away and his mad eyes burned with bloodlust. The ground shook with the force of his hoofs pounding on it.
“NO!” Rarity yelled and threw herself between him and me. Her horn sparked with magic.
I tried to shout and tell her to get out of Ironjaw's way, but my mouth chose to disobey my commands. I was forced to watch helplessly as he closed the distance like a runaway freight train.
Just as the deranged buffalo was about to run Rarity down, the ground that he was moving over cracked and a rough circle of it shot straight up in the air, carrying Ironjaw away with it. A split second later, there was a sickening crunch as it smashed into the jagged stalactites above.
As the echoes of the crash faded, a dead silence filled the cave. Ponies and buffaloes alike stared in shock at what had just happened.
The chunk of stone didn't fall from the ceiling. Instead, a thin stream of dark red blood noiselessly trickled downward and splattered into a small crimson puddle on the floor.
Rarity's ears dropped and she turned around to look at me. He expression changed from reluctant satisfaction to utter horror at what she saw.
“Cog!” she shouted as she ran up and knelt by my side. I tried to get up and tell her not to worry, but my entire body felt numb. I had to fight to breathe and everything in sight was a little fuzzy around the edges.
“Oh, Celestia, this is bad,” Rarity muttered hysterically as she grabbed my head and turned it so that I was staring into her face. Her sparkling blue eyes were the only things that I could make out clearly anymore.
“Cog, listen to me,” she said seriously as the air behind her filled with blurry shades of orange, purple, blue, yellow, and pink. “You need to stay alert. Focus! How many horns do you see?”
I blacked out before I could answer.