//------------------------------// // Chapter 6 // Story: Swapping Scales For Suave // by Jest //------------------------------// “This was an excellent suggestion Rarity,” Spike complemented. “I’ve always wondered how you ponies stomached eating hay bacon, flowers and stuff like that.” Rarity smiled as she set down a plate of sandwiches for the pair, half of which were far more rocky than the other. “And I am glad you told me about using ground up gems as a spread. I would have never thought to do that if you hadn't mentioned it.” “You’ll totally have to try the chocolate diamond crumble that Pinkie Pie makes for me on occasion,” Spike replied. Rarity nodded slowly. “You know that sounds quite nice. Perhaps you’ll even understand why I just adore the lavender grass cake she makes.” “I don't know about that one. It sounds like a bit of a weird mix, though I’ve been wrong before,” Spike admitted. “Now then, what would you like to drink?” Rarity offered, walking over to a cupboard and retrieving a pair of cups. “I think we have plenty of orange juice left, provided Sweetie Belle didn't drink it all when she was over on wednesday.” “Just some water, thanks,” Spike replied, grabbing himself a sandwich. “Just a moment, we don't have any cold stuff,” Rarity exclaimed, placing the cup under the tap. “Take your time,” Spike remarked. The dragon was about to turn back to his sandwich when he saw cool water emerge from the tap and flow into his cup. Something about the way the crisp blue water fell into the waiting receptacle and sloshing from one side to the other gripped him. Even the sound of it flowing through the metal pipes enticed something within him, and within moments Spike realized just what that feeling was as well as where it came from. “I really need to use the washroom,” Spike muttered. “What was that darling?” Rarity replied, turning to the pony. “I need to use the washroom in the worst way,” Spike declared, slipping out of his chair. “Didn't you go last night?” Rarity inquired. Spike shook his head. “I thought about it but it was so awkward, and I was so tired that I must have forgotten about it.” “So you haven't…” Rarity murmured, pointing between her legs. “No,” Spike admitted. “Would you like some help?” Rarity offered. “No I don't need any help,” Spike retorted. “I’m a grown man, er mare? Whatever I am, I’m an adult and I don't need to be supervised like I’m not potty trained.” “Well it is the first time you would be going in that body, and I don't want you to make a mess,” Rarity exclaimed. Spike’s face immediately turned a shade of deep red. “I will not make a mess!” He shrieked. “If you need me to wipe for you just ask and I’ll-” Rarity began only to be cut off by an irate looking pony shoving his hoof into her mouth. “Not another word out of you, got it?” Spike declared in a low tone. Rarity nodded in agreement before she even realized what the pony had said to her. “Good, now stay here,” Spike commanded before turning and awkwardly penguin walking away. Rarity watched him go, her body only relaxing when the pony was gone. “No wonder he's so scared of me when I’m like that. I’m downright terrifying,” she murmured to herself. Rarity shifted uncomfortably in her chair, suddenly not quite as hungry as she had been a minute ago. “So…. How did it go?” She asked. Spike’s frown deepened. “It was fine,” he replied. “That's good. You know it was surprisingly easy when I went. Even if I accidentally made confetti out of the toilet paper,” Rarity exclaimed, waving her razor sharp claws in emphasis. “Rarity. I love you but please stop talking and eat your sandwich,” Spike commanded in a stern tone. “Yes ma’am,” Rarity replied, only for her eyes to go wide when Spike’s glare settled on her. “I meant sir!” “Not another word,” Spike muttered before biting into his sandwich like it was his most hated enemy. “Ahh this is nice,” Rarity exclaimed as she lounged out on her thinking couch. “Isn't that right darling?” Spike grunted as he shifted uncomfortably upon the wooden chair he had pulled up across from the dragon. “It's fine I suppose. Though I’d prefer it if we started discussing the next thing on the list sometime soon.” “Quite right darling,” Rarity replied, retrieving her list and pen. “The next thing I think we should discuss are the reception, bachelor and bachelorette parties as well our honeymoon.” “Well that last thing can be wiped from the list,” Spike stated simply. “Why do you say that darling?” Rarity inquired. “Well my plans on what I want to do will change dramatically if I’m still in your body,” Spike began. “What exactly do you mean? Wouldn't you want to take me somewhere nice and enjoy the first night as a married couple?” Rarity asked, tears beginning to form at the edges of her eyes. “I mean maybe?” Spike answered, scratching his head with a hoof. “But if I’m still you at that point I’d have to start looking into sex change spells, species alteration magic on top of changing careers.” “I suppose it would be rather hard to still be the dragon ambassador to Equestria if you werent actually a dragon,” Rarity murmured. “Though I don't see why we couldn't enjoy an evening together before you started all that.” Spike sighed. “An extra day wouldn't be that bad. Though I’d still like it if we came up with an alternate plan in case we are still stuck like this.” “I suppose that could be arranged though don't you think that the curse will know the difference?” Rarity implored. “It might,” Spike admitted. “Okay so we’ll book the honeymoon, and have everything to go, but if we don't get switched back then we can just change plans after the fact.” Rarity hummed. “I suppose that's acceptable. Though I still feel like we shouldn't even discuss these possible changes until after. Otherwise it may ruin my chances of getting my glorious mane back.” “And my ability to eat gems as well as stand while taking a piss,” Spike added. “How uncouth darling,” Rarity exclaimed with a slight smirk. “Uncouth or not, it's true,” Spike retorted. “Either way, let us continue with the parties. Namely the fun ones.” “Ahh the bachelor slash bachelorette parties,” Rarity remarked. “I suppose those must be considered though it is tradition to let the best man and maid of honor handle all that.” “Look I love Shining Armor like a brother but the guy needs at least one suggestion otherwise we’ll end up playing O and O all night,,” Spike declared. “Oh so you’ve already decided on choosing Shining Armor then?” Rarity exclaimed. “And here I thought you’d choose Twilight.” Spike smirked. “I would, but aren't you already considering her for the maid of honor position?” “I am,” Rarity admitted, the dragon caressing her jaw with a pair of claws. “Though I am also thinking that Sweetie Belle would do an excellent job.” “Are you sure that's the best idea?” Spike asked hesitantly. “I love Sweetie Belle but her idea of fun is quite different than yours.” Rarity chuckled. “Very true.” “Maybe you could make Sweetie your maid of honor and ask her to confer with Twilight about the party?” Spike offered. “And we can have Pinkie Pie oversee the fine details of both such events,” Rarity added. “After all I don't think it would be right not to include her.” “She is the premier party pony for a reason,” Spike agreed. “Exactly,” Rarity exclaimed. “Alright then, so how about we come up with a few ideas then let our respective maid and man figure out the rest. Then at least it's still somewhat of a surprise,” Spike suggested. “That is a most excellent idea darling,” Rarity replied, only to frown. “Though I fear we are losing some of the meaning behind letting them handle it.” “You don't think it would ruin our chances of breaking the curse do you?” Spike muttered fearfully. “I don't think so,” Rarity quickly declared. “After all it's not like we are telling them what to do exactly.” “Right,” Spike remarked in a slightly more optimistic tone. “Were just providing suggestions. It's not like they have to follow them.” “Though if I don't get the chance to relax in a sauna before the big day I am going to be livid,” Rarity exclaimed. Spike chuckled. “You may be a little disappointed then because it isn't nearly as nice for dragons.” “Oh? Well that is unfortunate…” Rarity murmured. “Though going for a lava bath feels apparently quite similar only like a million times better,” Spike continued, the pony pressing his hooves against his cheeks. “Just thinking about it makes me jealous of you.” “Then we simply must do that before the wedding date, along with getting you into a sauna,” Rarity exclaimed. “Oh I must say this is rather nice that we each get to see how the other lives so to speak.” “It is kind of interesting,” Spike admitted. “Onto our lists!” Rarity remarked. “Right, time to learn how to write with my mouth,” Spike muttered bitterly. “I’ll give you some lessons on telekeneisis tonight darling,” Rarity offered. “You’d think I would have heard enough magical lectures that I wouldn't need help,” Spike exclaimed. Rarity chuckled. “There is a difference between hearing about it and actually doing it.” “Quite true,” Spike replied. “Now then, let us begin.” “Done!” Rarity announced. Spike lurched off the couch, blinking rapidly. “Bwuh?” “I said I was done,” Rarity replied. Spike rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “How long was I out for?” “Only about an hour,” Rarity answered. “An hour? How much did you plan?” Spike asked. “Oh I just came up with a rather detailed set of suggestions is all,” Rarity retorted, lifting her sheet of paper. “See?” Spike blinked, his gaze narrowing on the long list unfolding before him. “Rarity this is… not a bunch of suggestions.” “No they are there,” Rarity pointed to one spot on the page. “Like here where I allowed for a change of locations.” “It just says Aja Malibu in Whinnypeg or Canterlot,” Spike deadpanned. “Well I wanted to give them options of course,” Rarity replied. “Isn't that just the same place but different locations?” Spike asked. “Yeah, so?” Rarity answered. Spike sighed. “I feel like you missed the spirit of this little exercise.” “Well what did you write?” Rarity demanded. “See for yourself,” Spike offered. Rarity swiped his own sheet of paper from the coffee table and frowned immediately. “It just says get drunk and do awesome stuff.” “Simple. Elegant, and with plenty of options for changing it up,” Spike replied with a nod. “Seems perfect.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “More like silly. You know you could do that any old time. A bachelor party is supposed to be unique, and filled with new experiences!” “Like with strippers and stuff?” Spike pointedly asked. Rarity hesitated. “I suppose you could attend one of those types of establishments. I wouldn't say that you couldn't.” “You could too ya know,” Spike pointed out. Rarity blushed. “I suppose that is a possibility. Perhaps I could pencil it in somewhere between the pedicure, and the mimosas.” Spike chuckled, slapping Rarity lightly on the shoulder. “Atta girl. Get a little crazy.” “It would be rather nice to cut loose,” Rarity admitted. “Maybe a little more wiggle room in my suggestions is needed. Though you need a few more on yours.” Spike hummed, and scratched his chin. “You make a good point. Alright, I’ve got a few more. What do we have left to do after this?” “Today, or for the wedding?” Rarity replied, the dragon scratching out a few lines and adding several more. “Wedding,” Spike answered. “Well we have the budget more or less done,” Rarity began, retrieving a second list from nearby. “We’ve got inspired, and mostly completed the guest list.” “Well see if Discord is back from his vacation by then, and if we can track down a few of our more distant relatives,” Spike added. Rarity nodded. “We’ve also got the date planned out as well as most of the reception, in addition to the other parties.” “So we just need to complete some of our planning, book the venue, vendors, send out the wedding invites and then actually do all that stuff?” Spike inquired. “Plus we must get the marriage license, buy the dress as well as a tuxedo, and then complete the wedding registry,” Rarity stated. “That shouldn't be too hard,” Spike exclaimed, throwing a forehoof around Rarity’s shoulder. “You know what? I think we can do this. With a little elbow grease we’ll be married and back in our own bodies in no time!” Rarity giggled excitedly. “Oh isn't this just lovely? If I was in my own body then it truly would be perfect.” “You know this is the perfect excuse to have more then one wedding? Only the second time it could be somewhere much closer and less opulent,” Spike offered. “Now wouldn't that be something?” Rarity mused. “Maybe in a year or two we could plan another event like this. Give us enough time to save up.” “And let everyone else as well,” Spike added. Rarity chuckled, and laid her head on Spike’s shoulder. “Very true darling.” Spike smiled. “So do you have any plans for this evening?” “I think I’ll try to get used to these digits of yours and hopefully teach you a thing about your magic,” Rarity replied. “Good plan,” Spike agreed. “After that I think I’ll need a little time by myself. Might go for that jog.” “Wonderful,” Rarity purred. Spike smiled. “We’ll survive this.” “You know when this first happened I thought things would end up a lot worse,” Rarity remarked, the dragon slipping under the covers. Spike stretched his forehooves before cracking his neck. “Very true. I thought there would be a lot more tomb raiding and hair raising adventures centered around finding something to break the curse.” “You’ve been reading too many Daring Do books,” Rarity teased. “The story time kids at the library love hearing them,” Spike replied, running a hoof through his mane before slipping into bed next to his fiance. “And who am I to say no to such a cute bunch of kiddos.” Rarity smiled, and tugged the chain on her lamp, turning off one of the two remaining sources of light in the room. “Quite true. Those little darlings are quite adorable aren't they?” Rarity mused. “Maybe once this over we could talk to Twilight about having kids of our own,” Spike remarked somewhat hesitantly. “You know it's impossible darling,” Rarity replied, turning on her side. “Magic and science simply haven't caught up yet.” “That was a few years ago. Maybe it's changed,” Spike murmured. “Maybe,” Rarity reluctantly agreed. “Either way now is not the time to think of such things.” “True,” Spike agreed, lighting his horn and turning off his lamp, allowing the darkness to envelope the room. “Oof, that feels weird.” “I’m proud of you by the way,” Rarity whispered, planting a small kiss on the pony’s cheek. “You really picked that up quickly.” “Well like I said I’ve certainly got enough theory already up here,” Spike replied, tapping his head. “And I’m proud of you too. You haven't broken anything expensive.” Rarity chuckled. “Remind me never to tease you about being clumsy again.” “Noted,” Spike replied, turning onto his back and letting out a sigh. A move Rarity quickly mimicked, the pair staring up at the pitch black ceiling as the day’s events flicked through their minds. The changes, plans, and everything betwixt continued to plague them, but neither were so stressed that they couldn't relax. In fact they were so relaxed that Rarity couldn't help but wonder what they could have forgotten. “Hey Spike,” Rarity murmured. “Yes dear?” Spike replied. “What day was it again?” Rarity asked. “Sunday, why?” Spike answered. Rarity blanched. “Didn't you have a bunch of dragon ambassador duties to complete tomorrow?” “And didn't you have a show you were judging?” Spike inquired, the color leaving his face in an instant. “Yes, yes I did,” Rarity murmured. “We are boned aren't we?” Spike whispered. “Very boned,” Rarity replied.