//------------------------------// // Canterlot Knights Part 2 // Story: She Drives Me Batty // by I Thought I Was Toast //------------------------------// Multiple thoughts raced through my head at the sight of my old friends, but the biggest, loudest, and stupidest of them all charged straight forward like some sun-loving paladin with a death wish. “Dad didn’t send you, did he?” My ears splayed back as Diamond facehooved beside me, and I looked to her. “What? It’s a valid question with how the rest of the night’s been going!” Echo and Fang both shared a look before my BBB shook her head with a smile. “Mr. Mettle? Ask us to what, spy on you? Screehee! Now that’s a silly thought. Nah. Fang was just taking me on a date before he went to work.” “Work?” I blinked and looked both of them over at the admission. It was… eerily similar to our own situation. Echo’s coat was smooth, glossy, and meticulously cared for. Her hooves were trimmed and sparkly, and her mane and tail bounced with life that only hundred-bit shampoo could give. Though hard to see with her wings folded, various patterns and symbols adorned them with black paint only used on the most special of special occasions. Deep iron lipstick popped and accented her gleaming fangs and the silver earrings studding her ears. Meanwhile, Fang had filled out considerably from the little spargeltarzan I’d left in Canterlot. His frame was razor sharp and wired with lean, rippling muscles; his eyes glinted as he grinned like the cheeky backpfeifengesicht he was. That said, he certainly knew how to wear his armor, and those stripes on his shoulder… He was a corporal? Already? That… That didn’t make any sense…. “Work….” I had to bite my lip again. Staring at the stripes was incredibly hard to resist. “You’re already in the guard? I know we haven’t been writing as much with how busy last year was for all of us, but when did this happen?” “Niiiiiight…” Diamond’s pout could have felled a whole platoon at fifty paces. Her hindleg was back to scandalously caressing my own, and I bit my lip, tail flicking side to side. “Sorry, Diamond. Just gimme a sec.” “Silly goof.” Slugging me with a titter, the pout was gone as fast as it appeared. “If you wanna talk, by all means talk, but that means inviting them to sit with us and making this a double date~” She scooched her chair around the tiny table to almost smash into my side, and I was suddenly incredibly aware of how soft her coat was as she sidled up against me. “You think you can handle that?~” I… Ummm… Uahhhhh… Gosh, it was back to feeling like a furnace as not one but three shark-like grins surrounded me. Still, I’d told myself I was done being pushed around for the night, and I wasn’t gonna back down on that now. “Sure.” I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could with a flaming face flushed as dark as the Nightmare herself. “You two are totally getting your own pizza, though.” All three of them blinked in surprise, but Echo quickly covered it with a giggle as she dragged her coltfriend over to grab some chairs and join us. It was… cramped, to say the least, and Diamond was doing her best to make things even more torturous in some sick, twisted sense of punishment. She had nosed her way up under my wing to curl around me like an anaconda; hooves clutching me tight, she played me like a fiddle as she and Echo eyed each other over. Echo was similarly clinging to Silver Fang—who was far more relaxed than me. The two mares must have found whatever they were looking for because they both nodded at almost the exact same time before they tittered and snuggled into the crooks of our necks. “So, it occurs to me that Night hasn’t said it yet, so I will.” Diamond purred as she layered me in enough tree sap and cuddles to rival our old crusades. “It’s lovely to see you two again. It’s been what? Two years since she brought me up for Eweigenacht?” “Almost.” My ears flattened. “I don’t get up here nearly often enough. I should have more time to visit this year, though…. Well, as long as I don’t spend all my time shadowing units to join.” Making eye contact and looking like I was paying attention was incredibly hard to do with Echo sitting there in front of us and nuzzling Fang like there was no tomorrow. “Ah. So that’s what you’re doing?” Fang smirked and puffed out his chest, his wing pulling Echo closer. “I’m already in the guard. Just got promoted actually. It’s why we’re out tonight, isn’t it?~” He briefly leaned down to nuzzle Echo back, and she giggled before settling in a contented hum against him. “After all that trouble last year, he decided to just drop his final year and join over the summer.” Even as she rested, Echo’s eyes went back to looking us both over. She grinned languidly, and laughed as Silver nipped her ear over all the unspeakable things that were probably happening beneath the table. Hoofsies, tail-holding, maybe even… petting. They could be doing anything. “Screehee! Dad was so mad, he actually kicked Fang out of the house.” Echo gave a wicked smile as she tugged at her colt friend’s stripes. “But he made it through boot camp and lived at the barracks, and with this promotion we’re grabbing ourselves a cozy little cave on the edge of the Undercity. Great acoustics, lots of nearby stone, it’s gonna be a great place to start up my sculpting studio.” “Wow… That’s… That’s great!” I beamed and fought down shivers as Diamond committed her own heinous crimes: using all my training for the guard to get the better of her, I kept my face straight and managed not to twitch every time her tail tickled me. “Isn’t your dad pissed about you moving out, though?” “Pfffft! Pissed?!” Silver snorted. “Nah. As long as she finishes school, he’s fine with it. Says it’s his comeuppance for kicking me out. He did threaten to beat the snot out of me if I didn’t use proper protection both on and off the job, though.” His grin grew cocky, and he swooped down to peck Echo on the lips, squeezing her with his wing. “It’s… been real nice. Having a job is a lot less of a hassle than going to school for me. I actually feel like I’m doing something.” “Hrmmm…” Even as I nodded, my smile tried to turn into a frown. Kissing Diamond would have been a good distraction to stop that, except as I turned to do so I caught sight of her frowning pensively with an adorable little pout. “It’ll be just a few more—” Before I could ask Diamond what was wrong, Fat Gastone burst from the kitchen—belly quaking—to pause at the sight of our table’s newest add ons. “Porca vacca! I knew I was forgetting something else!” The doors would have slammed closed behind Gastone if he hadn’t gotten momentarily stuck as he retreated back through the doors, swearing up a rather colorful storm all the while. “Seems he forgot to start my order.” Silver chuckled and shook his head. “And here I called way ahead of time. Lemme guess. He saw Night here and got all teary-eyed for one of his long lost, little stars?” “Maybe…” I rustled my wings a bit, squirming as he smirked at me. There was a flurry of earthshaking movement from the kitchen, and the table was left quivering with an extra iron-colored vintage probably expensive enough to have cost Silver Fang a week’s wages. “Gotta say, I’m real impressed, Diamond.” With a grin and a toast, he saluted us. “Last we met, Night was just the most adorably flustered little thing. I’m impressed you’ve got her doing full sentences.” “Teehee! I wish I could take all the credit… so I think I will!” Diamond clinked her own glass back, not even missing a beat over the toast. Her frown was mostly gone, though there was still a bit of tightness to her smile that most ponies wouldn’t notice. “I’m glad you and Echo seem to have taken my advice, though.” Wait… What? I blinked. What advice? “Mhmm.” Silver’s smirk could beat out the smuggest of slugs. “Finding what we wanted was definitely the biggest step. That still going well on your front?” “Eh?” Diamond shrugged. “There’s been a few teeny-tiny hiccups, but nothing too big yet. Are you sure the Canterlot Guard is what you want, though? Night seems to think it’d be a mistake for her.” “Echo’s dad asked the same thing.” Silver hummed as he sipped at his drink. “And yeah, it isn’t the most glamorous post, but somepony’s gotta do it. I’d rather be here than off in the middle of nowhere, far away from Echo.” Echo giggled and nuzzled her coltfriend from below. “I told him to go tour for a bit, and that I’d be here waiting, but nope, he applied straight for the Canterlot Guard. Didn’t even try for the Undercity.” Sheepishly smiling, Silver Fang rubbed the back of his head. “I know what’s important, Echo…. Though, I might put in for a transfer now that we’re moving down.” “Well, that’s absolutely wonderful for both of you.” Diamond giggled and clutched me a little too closely. It was starting to get a little hard to breathe the more she constricted around me. “Yeah.” I barely managed to squeak out as Diamond slowly crushed my chiseled body into dust. She had to have still been working out despite leaving the Junior Guard, because I was— “Screep!” I was starting to feel her ‘hug’ in my bones as she had some sort of silent competition with Echo. I had no idea how Fang wasn’t sweating bullets as Echo gave him some of the most advanced nuzzling I’d ever seen. “I don’t really know where I’m going myself. I got a lot of replies back—some of which I didn’t even apply to—so I have a lot of shadowing to do this year. I did get accepted to Hollow Shades, though!” Quickly shoving Diamond under me, I bent over her as both Echo and Fang did a spit take and tumbled in a knot of limbs from their chairs. “You got accepted where?!” Silver Fang laughed like a loon under moon as he slowly got himself off the rather sticky and grime-coated floor. He’d kept Echo from ruining her coat much like I’d protected Diamond’s, but her landing atop him had driven the breath from his lungs, making his laugh wheezy and weak. “Hollow Shades takes about as many foreigners as Die Heimat. How the buck did you manage that?!” “Hey, come on! It’s not that impossible to get in!” I huffed, but was unable to cross my hooves with my Diamond-studded accessory. “You just gotta be really, really, really, really good.” “Which you are.” Diamond chuckled from beside me, pecking my cheek only to make a face at the taste of sinfully expensive sanguine delights. “Yes, I am.” With a grumbling growl, I picked up my napkin to start wiping myself down. “But I still didn’t expect them to say yes. No matter how much I wanna go and pick there right off the bat, even I know that choice will have its issues. I mean, you got cold hooves just thinking about Canterlot, Fang. Rangers sometimes go more than half a year without contact out there. They are the hardest of hardcore, and I hear they custom-built their training regimine to match.” “Don’t you have an uncle in the Rangers out there, Night?” Echo pulled her coltfriend up, and he wavered for a second as he finally managed to stop laughing uncontrollably. “Yeah, my uncle Spirit Chaser.” I nodded as I looked at all the wasted blood with a grimace before gingerly setting my now stained napkin on the table. “It takes… a very long time to get in if you don’t start out a local, so if I don’t go there now, I might never get a chance to again. It kinda sucks, because I know it’s definitely going to be the best option for getting promoted to the Lunar Guard as fast as possible, but honestly some of the other places I applied to look really great.” “Hrmmm…” Something about Silver’s nod and hum made me frown as he brushed himself off and sat back down. “So Lunar Guard is still your end goal, huh? You know… it takes a lot to get invited into one of the Princess’s Guards. Even as good as you are, Night, it might take you years to get there. Didn’t it take your Mom and Dad, what, ten-ish years?” “Yeah, something like that.” I snorted. “It would’ve been less if they hadn’t started out in Canterlot. I’m prepared for what it takes.” His lack of response was not encouraging. “What? You think I can’t make it?” I glowered as I leaned in, Diamond pulling me back from any further advancing with insistent tugging and a nuzzle. “No, no!” Silver Fang waved his hooves. “It’s not that. It’s just… Even if you manage to do it faster, it’s still going to take a long time. Maybe you should enjoy the journey rather than push for the destination?” “Who are you, my Dad?” I rolled my eyes even as I relaxed a little. “Look, I do plan on enjoying it. I plan on going about it just like Dad. There’s a lot of interesting places I can tour. Plenty of adventures to be had.” “But what about—“ Fang hissed as two solid thuds rattled the table slightly. Both Echo and Diamond fluttered their eyelashes innocently, as they sipped their drinks with a demure smile. I was inclined to peg it on Echo with her being Fang’s marefriend and all, but Discord damn it all, Diamond was using that face she used every time she had to get me to shut up. In the end, I just shook my head and dropped it. Either way, the mare is always right. Pushing the topic was just gonna get me kicked instead. “So, anyways…” I glanced about the pizzeria biting my lip. “I really am sorry about not visiting more. Maybe Diamond and I can start coming up for double dates?” “Perhaps.” Silver chuckled a bit more warmly and what little tension had remained slowly melted away. “Maybe Echo and I can take you to one of the Undercity raves. I hear they’re beyond wild.” “Buon appetito!” With an audible thud, Fat Gastone appeared to set one of the other tables beside us. A satisfying clang heralded the tray in his other talon, the pizza atop it just bubbling and oozing in all the right ways. I licked my lips at the sight, stomach audibly growling as the smell made my nostrils flare. Before anypony else could even react, I’d sized up my prey, taken a slice with the biggest piece of action, and bit straight down into that sinful pepperoni good— “Oh, eww…” My content hum died in my throat. “Of course, the best looking piece of meat is just freaking tofu.” “That’s what you get for eating before the other pizza gets here.” Diamond swatted me. “It’s rude.” “Hey, you’ll hear no complaints from us.” Both Echo and Silver raised their hooves. “A greasy wheel is always best served piping hot.” “True that.” With a nod, I shamelessly continued enjoying slice after slice. Cheese trailed between my prey and me—the ooey gooey goodness just bleeding from every new wound. Everything continued on in companionable silence after that. Fang and Echo were content to cuddle in escalatingly scandalous ways, Diamond pressed into my side and occasionally nibbled me rather than her pizza, and cube after cube of sweet, salty delight slowly disappeared from Dad’s little present to leave me with a pleasant buzz and an even healthier appetite. And of course that ‘healthier appetite’ meant I was drinking a little more of the bloodwine than I probably should, but hay, Silver and Echo were drinking theirs, so why shouldn’t I drink mine? It was just as sweet and sticky as it smelled, with a rich metallic tang that came from fresh lifeblood. It was both amazing and offsetting the difference of where the blood was harvested from could make, and this was arterial material. I felt heady, powerful, confident I could do any and everything. And maybe I could. When the second pizza arrived, I transitioned smoothly into stealing the spotlight from Silver and Echo, making Diamond squeak in surprise as I kissed her long and hard without a moment's blush. The tables more than turned as I growled sweet nothings in her ear, and my tail tugged at her as I slid a massive wing around her. Pulling her close to me, I could feel her body burning up as she blushed a rich delicious black, and as I nuzzled my way down to her neck she burned even darker as I playfully snuck in a nibble and used my wing to shield the briefest tracing of fangs. Revenge was sweet and pure, and by the time Echo and Fang had finished eating, Diamond may as well have been a melted pile of mewling pony goo. It was absolutely adorable; no wonder she liked teasing me so much. My other friends smirked knowingly as Diamond tried to save face by insisting on paying for everything, and she stumbled off to the restroom to touch up her makeup. As we got up to move and wait outside for her, though, Fang seemed to grow jittery as we exited the shop and the freshly risen moon gleamed down upon us. He had been the picture of relaxed and confident all evening, but as he looked up at the moon and shivered, I caught him whispering a prayer to the Nightmother. “Awww… Is somepony nervous about their new job?” Echo giggled from beside me as she too caught it and slugged her coltfriend. “No…” Fang took a deep breath as he slowly pulled a jewelry box out and lowered himself before Echo. “I’m nervous about this.” Both Echo and I froze at the sight, both of us tensing as he held out the box and opened it to reveal a simple silver band. Neither fancy nor expensive, its small presence was almost oppressively powerful. “I… uh… know it’s kinda silly with us already planning on sharing a place, but I wanted to do things right and get you a promise bracelet.” Licking his lips, Silver Fang looked away. “I know it’s not much, but I can’t afford anything more right now, and it’s just… you deserve it? I want you to know how committed I am. If I could have gotten you this sooner, I would have, but…” He shrugged and looked back up, locking his eyes with her own moon-sized dinner plates. “I promise that I would move the moon and stars themselves for you; I would fight the Nightmother herself to stay by your side, and stars help the Nightmare if she ever tries to sink her fangs in you. Maybe your Dad is right and we are just young and stupid, but Discord damn it all if I won’t do my honest best to make sure things work out in the end….” His smile was soft, small, and sure. Her mouth was flapping up and down as she stared. Oh-so-slowly, Echo picked her mouth up with one hoof, a high pitched noise building in the back of her throat as her smile slowly morphed wider and wider. She was soon grinning like a loon under moon and vibrating more violently than a whistling tea kettle; hopping on three hooves, she held it in as long as she could before the literal explosion of excitement echoed up and down the streets cracking more than a few windows. “Screeheeheeheehee! Yes!” There was at least one blurry flip. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes-yes! Oh, you big, beautiful hunk of a stallion! Come’ere!” “What exactly did I miss?” I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of Diamond behind me, and when I turned I found her eyebrow arching with so much slow exaggeration that a score of epic orchestral music wouldn’t be out of place. Her smirk may have been teasing, but her eyes were penetrating as they speared straight into my soul expectantly. “It’s not what you think!” As lost in their embrace as they were, I couldn’t look to Echo and Fang for help, and so I stood there, sweat crawling down the back of my neck as I bit my lip and considered what to say. “Night, dear, I don’t know what to think.” Diamond’s smirk grew. “Though your reaction tells me a lot. Where’s my band, huh? You know it’s in bad taste to let Silver show you up so much~” “I didn’t get you anything, alright! He just gave her a— That band is—“ I shook my head. “Look. Thestrals don’t really do engagement rings; they do promise rings. Life is… too short to wait for engagement.” “Po-ta-to, po-tah-to~” Diamond tittered. “As the saying goes, ‘If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.’” With a titter, she brushed against me. “Sooooooo… where’s mine?~” “I don’t— I’m not—-” I flailed for the words. “Not what?” She fluttered her eyelashes at me. “I shouldn’t give you one when I don’t know where I’ll end up.” Looking away, I bit my lip hard. “I don’t wanna make a promise only to end up feeling I’m not keeping it.” With a snort, I couldn’t help making a microscopic frown at the happy couple. “’sides, we’re still in school.” “Hrmmmmmmmmmm?” The longer Diamond hummed, the harder it was to look back at her. My mind was already imagining a disappointed little frown and furrowed brow marring her pretty face. A few, risky clicks quickly folded my ears back against my head; it had been stupid of me to hope for anything better, and the truth was so much worse. She was staring off and up at the moon, silent and contemplative save for that sun-blasted, thrice-damned hum. Finally—after what felt like an eternity—the humming stopped. “Fair enough, I suppose.” I blinked and looked at her in surprise. I had been expecting something… more? What the buck was I supposed to do with that? Was that a good response? A bad response? It sounded good enough, and yet… “Don’t overthink things.” Diamond booped my snoot before hip-checking me. “Now’s not the time. You still owe me a walk.” Oh, horseapples. She was right. Did we have enough time still? Glancing at the clock, I smiled and nodded. “I did say that, didn’t I? Think Echo and Fang will want to come?” “Night, dear, look at that nuzzling and tell me it’s not going to end in Echo dragging Fang off for a last minute ‘inspection’ before the shift change.” Diamond’s smirk was smug as a slug as she turned my head with one hoof. “Besides, I think I want a bit more alone time, hrmmm?~” “Fair enough.” I chuckled and blushed at the sight of my old friends, shaking my head to rid it of the sudden image of Diamond nuzzling me that intensely. “Oi! Fang, Echo, we’re heading off! ‘Grats on the ring, but don’t celebrate too long; shift change is a little less than an hour away.” There was an audible pop as the two pulled away from a seemingly endless kiss, each gasping and smiling like a pair of loons as their wings rustled restlessly. “Will… do…. We’ll see you la—” And just like Diamond said, there was Echo, dragging Fang off to a fight no warrior ever won. Death… by snu snu. Honestly, I wasn’t sure which of us suffered a worse fate.