Part VII
The rest of the day was a blur.
And yes, I did say the rest of the day. The entire day. All the way until the winter sun dipped below the afternoon horizon.
Where do I begin? I suppose with my meeting with Princess Celestia. She was... rather tall. And kind, and patient, given my state of shock. After a few minutes of conversation and my explanation of how and why I broke into Everfree County Dungeon, she sent a few letters and sent me to wait back in my cell for the time being, though she assured me it wouldn’t take more than an hour.
It took fifty-three minutes. I knew because I had nothing better to do than count seconds as my mind struggled to comprehend what had just happened.
First of all, I came to the conclusion that Derpy was gone. Not just gone, vanished, without a trace. To where she went I had no idea. But when I pounced on her what seemed like just moments ago, something within me had changed. The ground no longer felt unstable beneath my hooves. And, miraculously, the presence was no longer in my mind. I had a bit of a headache, of course, but what else is new?
After that brief period of waiting, the Princess took me out to the courtyard. All of the prisoners, it seems, had been either evacuated or taken to their chambers.
“I’m letting you go free,” the Princess began, “because after today there will be no reason for you to return here.”
I was unsure what she meant for a moment, but chose to disregard it. There were more pressing things on my mind. “What has become of Derpy?”
“That is what I have enlisted them to find out,” Celsetia said, pointing to a trio of pointy-capped mares standing in front of us. They looked rather average, if a bit aged, and eyed me like I was a rabbit they had caught eating their cabbages.
They poked and prodded in various places, examining me and probing me with their glowing instruments. And after a minute of irritation and soreness, they had procured an answer.
And they said I was Derpy.
After a rather dry explanation by the pointy-hatted scientists, Celestia boiled it down for me: “Apparently Discord made you as a mirror of Derpy by making a magical mold and reversing most, though not all, of her personality traits. And, as they said, opposites attract.”
“But what will happen to her?” I asked, begging for an answer. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I, somehow, had cut my friend’s life short.
Celestia paused before answering. “Discord’s mirror--that is, well, you--wasn’t perfect.” After another quick briefing from the three wise mares, she continued in a language I could understand, “It appears as though you now contain Derpy’s essence. Over time, as your own soul decays, hers will take its place. So now... I suppose you’re one and the same.”
At first, I felt an incredible amount of relief. But then the reality of the situation set in. I was still going to die. Just in a different way. By slowly, steadily becoming what, just twenty-four hours ago, I considered to be the pony I would be able to hate the most.
Some would call that bitter irony. But I welcomed this transformation, with a bit of reluctance. Perhaps I wasn’t simply going to the void. Perhaps I was becoming something greater.
At least, that was what I wanted to believe. That is what I so desperately wanted to convince myself of as the gate to the Dungeon slammed shut behind me. That is what I desired to think as I flew back to Ponyville, back to my home. If it could even be called that. But, in the end, there was only one place in Equestria I could go after so miserably failing my mission.
I didn’t know what I would tell Carrot Top when I pushed open her door.
Possibly, for once, the truth.
=====================================================================
I landed in front of the house. I could still see the hoofprints I made in the snow when Derpy taught me how to fly. I felt slightly remorseful, because I knew I was never going to see her again.
I pushed open the door and soon heard the clatter of hoofsteps. “Back already?” Carrot Top asked, though her expression turned to concern upon her seeing my dour expression.
“I need to explain something to you,” I began quietly. “Nothing’s gone wrong, everything’s okay. But I need to explain this without interruption. You can ask questions when I’m done. Is that alright?”
She nodded, swallowing. “Sh-... Should we sit down?”
I nodded, and I led her to a well-worn green couch in the living room. She sat down next to me, worry apparent in her eyes. “What did Derpy do this time?” she asked.
For a moment, I was slightly taken aback. Carrot Top seemed more worried about me than Derpy. Though, come to think of it, Derpy has probably been through much worse than just a simple journey. To her, there was only one reason I would have this expression on my face. That Derpy had gotten herself or other ponies hurt.
So, I told her. I told her everything. From the moment I leapt into the air with Derpy at my side to the moment where I collapsed upon her, sealing both our fates. And, at the very end, I told her what was to become of us both.
Throughout the story, Carrot Top obediently said nothing, and at the end, she appeared to have only one question. “What will happen to you?” she asked, taking my hoof in her own.
I blinked. “Aren’t you... the least bit angry at me?”
She chuckled sadly. “I can hardly blame you for what you did. It would be a different story if you actually did intend for it to end up this way. Or if you truly hated her.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The reason I trusted you to take care of Derpy... well, it’s because you two are a lot alike, whether you know it or not,” Carrot Top said, holding my gaze. “You’re both angry. You’re both vengeful, and you both hold a little spite for the world. But you’re also both caring, generous, and bright. And, even in the worst of times, I know deep down that Derpy would always do the right thing in the end. That’s why I know... that you would, too.”
Despite her kind words, I still felt empty. “I suppose I should feel touched.”
“No. You’re supposed to feel like you, Ditsica,” Carrot Top said.
“I don’t understand. When an ordinary pony loses a family member, the grieve. At the very least, the cry,” I argued, though I wasn’t certain what I was arguing about.
“You’re wrong on that, too,” she said, pushing part of my mane back behind my ear like I was a filly who had just gotten home from a rough day of play. “I know that, if what you say is true, then I’ll see Derpy again. But I won’t see you again. And that makes me sad, of course... but I know that you made the decision to go for Derpy’s sake. And I’ve accepted that, and so have you. So the only thing left for me to ask... is if there’s anything I can possibly do for you?”
“I need to know that my sacrifice wasn’t made in vain,” I murmured. “I need ponies... I need ponies to treat Derpy better. I want Derpy to have friends. Because, when I was chasing her down that hall, when I finally got her...” I paused, shaking my head. The words were nearly impossible to get out. “She was doing that for me. Because she didn’t think that anypony else would be her friend.”
“And I can’t possibly understand what you two went through. But I can try. I can try to make Derpy’s life better as best I can. But for now, this is your time, and you don’t have very much left,” Carrot Top warned, as if I didn’t know already.
I snorted. “I appreciate the support, Carrot Top. But there’s only one pony who can properly explain everything that I went through, and it’s me. And I can do it, but I can’t do it aloud. What I need is a typewriter.”
“I’ll go and rent one right now,” Carrot Top said, standing up.
“And there’s one other thing,” I said quickly before Carrot Top and her undying enthusiasm could waltz out the door.
“When night falls, and I begin to turn... before I go to sleep, I’d like to know that I’m not alone,” I said, my voice quivering as I spoke. “I’d like to have somepony by my side. If that’s alright with you.”
Carrot Top nodded, as if it were an everyday request. “Okay, now off to get the typewriter. I should be back in fifteen minutes, okay?”
I swallowed my apprehension, sitting down on the couch. “...Okay.”
=====================================================================
For the rest of the day, I worked. The sun rose, the sun set. All the while, I was typing. Typing the words you see on the page now.
Should I summarize my adventure up to this point? Probably not. That would be painfully boring. Also repetitive. So I will end my tale by saying that, if you’re reading this, my journey wasn’t for naught. It means that some part of this fantastic adventure caught your eye, hooked you, and dragged you along for the ride. And what a ride it was.
By this point I’m likely in bed, hugging a pillow, as Carrot Top sings a lullaby to help calm my beating heart. Because I’m travelling into the void as I type. Just now I can feel my movements getting clumsier. As I walk, my limbs feel larger, my motions less precise. I’ve had to correct all of eighteen typos in this paragraph alone. My vocabulary, as well, is also shrinking.
At some point tonight, I could no longer see. The keys on the typewriter became blurry, and when I wiped my glasses and put them back on my nose, they only made my sight worse. So I took them off and went by my memory.
These are the last sentences of my tale. I hope you liked it, but I’m not good at endings. I’m scared of them. I’m scared of what they mean, and I’m afraid of what’s beyond the last page of my story. Because I’ll never get to see it. But... I suppose you will. Derpy.
If you read this, please let me know how you feel. About me. About Equestria. And most of all, about yourself. I want to know if my life was worth it. Even if I can’t, I want you to end this book with something I can’t: a beginning.
I see stars outside my window now. It’s bedtime and I have to go to sleep.
...Goodbye.
=====================================================================
hi, ditzy. typing is really hard. i have no clue how you held down the shift key and typed at the same time. i mean these things were made for unicorns after all.
your probably never going to read this but i think you are the best pony i ever met. im sad that you had to go away but thats okay because i remember you and carrot top remembers you and dinky remembers you. and we always will, i promise.
but you said on the last page that you want to know how i feel and stuff. well im going to miss you alot but i guess theres nothing i can do about that haha. but i hope that wherever you are that your happy because you should be.
oh yeah you wanted to know how i feel. well..... i feel happy. i guess that answers your question? but im not going to stop being happy ever again. im going to take what we learned together and im going to try and make friends again because something i never got to tell you was that i kind of gave up just before we met. im not going to make that mistake again!
so yeah i really miss you and i hope that we will meet again someday. but not soon i guess because that would be bad.
anyway im not sure how to end this either. what do you mean by new beginning? that im supposed to write a new book? what would i call it? the adventures of daring derp haha?
but i guess i do have to say this: goodbye ditzy. and thanks for everything.
=====================================================================