My Life In Fimbria

by Chatoyance

What Rules Surround Me

Miriam the griffin snatched the dishtowel in her claws and began drying the bowl I had just finished washing. Washing a bowl with telekinesis was a mesmerizing moment for me, the field I used to hold the bowl allowed me to feel the inside as well as the outside of things, and water rushing through it was an experience I could never have had with hands. I realized I had frozen in place, just agog at the new and astonishing sensation, likely looking like I had just experienced an absence seizure. Miriam had been saying something, several times - only now did it register.

"Sorry! Still getting used to things. The water flowing through my grip was... Sorry."

Miriam put down the bowl and cloth, grabbed me in both claws, and bodily turned me to face her. "Menu. Of Wishes. Explain." Griffin eyes were very capable of looking scary, I decided.

"I was all alone." Miriam's grip loosened slightly. "I was lonely, and there was nothing around at all. Just this path through the forest. I mumbled something about wishing I had a menu - like in a video game, right?"

Miriam nodded. "And?"

"And one appeared. Right in front of me. It had only a few options." Miriam let me go and settled back onto her haunches. "There was, um, well, 'Create' was the first one, and it had an 'Edit' in there, and a 'Delete', too. Real basic stuff, almost like a paint program or something, I guess. I chose create." I sat down on the floor too. "I got this blank space with a cursor, like something you could type into, only it took down what I said. I made up stuff - this house, the shops, the inn - the fields and all of it. Then there was a requester at the bottom that just asked 'Wish?'. I said I did. That I 'wished it so' or something like that. Everything popped up or faded in. Including all of the villagers!"

Miriam squinted. It made her eyes even scarier. "You... made... the ponies I talked to?"

I felt nervous and a little wary. "Yes. They kind of popped in. They all knew I had just created them." I watched her face, trying to work out what she was feeling in there. "At first they all wanted to leave - they knew I had made them, and they figured I was going to exploit them, use them like slaves or something. I had to talk them out of leaving. I ended up apologizing like mad for bringing them into existence, even!" I swallowed and took a breath "Finally we worked things out. Everybody equal, I'm not in charge just because I made them, and we all work to survive - because the fields are where all the food is. Or so I thought - I mean this kitchen is full of food, but I figured it would be a survival game or something!"

"Jesus." Miriam stared at me for a bit, then her gaze softened. "This isn't a game. This was never a game. You really need to get your head on right... uh... hell. I don't even know your name." She sort of smiled with her beak. "What the hell is your name, anyway?"

I relaxed, finally something easy after staring at scary intense griffon eyes. "I'm Tepal. Tepal Iridescence." The moment the words came out of my mouth I knew it was wrong. That wasn't my name. That wasn't even close. I felt sick.

"The what?" Miriam's pupils shrank to points as her eyes narrowed again. The corners of her mouth, where her cheeks began beyond the beak went tight.

"No! That isn't right!" I stood up and paced the kitchen. "That isn't my name at all!" I stopped, closed my eyes really tight, and forced my brain to remember. "My name is..." It wasn't there. "MY NAME IS..." I felt the tears running down my cheeks. "Oh, crap. Oh crap oh crap oh... crap."

"What's going on?" Miriam no longer sounded angry or betrayed. Now she sounded worried.

"I can't remember my name!" I turned to her. She was a blur in my tears. "My real name. I know I had one. A different name. But I can't think of it! All I have is that ridiculous pony-sounding thing." I sobbed for a bit. "God help me, I even know what it means! An' I don't even know those words!"

I felt Miriam's claws around me again, only this time not clutching, but soft. She held me while I regained myself. Apparently my strange gift of calm against existential horrors didn't cover this sort of thing. I had lost my name. I had been given a new one. Against my will! "Why don't you have a dumb pony name?" my tone of voice came out far more accusing than I intended, but I kind of did feel that way.

"I don't know. But I sure as hell didn't get a menu of wishes, either!" Miriam let go of me and I sagged to the floor. I wiped my nose and eyes on my forelegs - fur is great for that sort of thing, I was discovering - and sniffed and snorted for a bit. "Listen, um, 'Tepal'..."

I could see by her reaction that I must have made a face.

"I have to call you something, and it's the only name you've given me!"

I nodded. Decent point. I sniffed again, deliberately a little on the loud side, for emphasis.

Miriam studied her claws for a moment, then reached back over her body. She pulled at something, and her feathers ruffled and moved. a thin strap became visible, which supported a small leather-looking pouch. She struggled a bit, and worked the strap and pouch over her right wing, and out of her voluminous feathers. The pouch was no larger than a small apple, the strap no wider than one of her claws. It had been invisible, tucked under her plumage.

She held the small pouch so I could see it. "I did arrive with one thing. This. I took a peek inside once I landed in your village. It's a piece of paper. Or something. And a sort of short pencil. I have no idea what it's for." She set it down in front of me. "Give it a sniff, or whatever you ponies do, and tell me - you think this grants wishes too?"

I could imagine what she would wish for, but being human again wasn't on the menu for either of us. Celestia was always clear about that. I studied the little pouch, watching as she opened it and took out a small roll of what looked like parchment - god, they love parchment in this place - and the small pencil. It kind of looked like a very short grease pencil. The parchment was blank, the pencil unused. My nose was too runny to 'sniff', even if that could tell me anything, which I doubted. I did grab the items, each in turn, with the field my horn produces to see if I 'felt' anything. The parchment felt like... parchment, I suppose (I've never felt real parchment, so I have no idea), the pencil felt waxy inside and woody outside, and the pouch felt like... pretty much like a leather pouch. "I can't sense anything, ah, 'magical' about any of this. It... as far as I can tell, it's exactly what it looks like." Miriam looked disappointed, so I added "I'm sorry! - but hey, I'm just as new as you are... maybe I just don't know how to even tell, right?"

Miriam nodded and put her paper and pencil back inside the pouch, then worked the strap over her wing again. "Listen... Tepal. I'm exhausted. You look worn out too. Mind if I crash here? I literally have nowhere else to go."

I felt as tired as she looked. Somehow, while we had made dinner, eaten, washed up and fussed about, it had gotten dark outside. I couldn't tell why I was so exhausted - I hadn't actually done much. Or, maybe I had. In one day I had run from my life, been brain-devoured by nightmare machines, walked for miles (maybe that was an exaggeration. Or not.) and created a vast moral debt bringing thirty or so beings into life because I was lonely. And then all of this. Maybe that was enough stuff to feel worn out about? "Yeah. Of course!" I slowly raised myself to my hooves. "This is supposedly my house - that's how I wished things."

Miriam made an odd face at that.

"...and, well, we're the only humans. We're in this together. So, mi casa, su casa. As far as I'm concerned, you can live here as long as you like. Only..."

"Only what?"

"Only... I think I have a way to make that work out really well!" The cottage was large and very comfortable, but it only had four rooms. Main room with the books, my bedroom (I did not feel like sleeping with a stranger), the kitchen, and a sort of pantry-storage thing off the kitchen. I hadn't actually checked it out, though I had noticed it. Probably breads and cheeses or something in there. "I can make you a bedroom!" The realization gave me a rush of excitement. I was helpless and hopeless in this virtual prison, but there was something I could do that was really powerful and amazing and useful. It had made some really great buildings, and as long as I didn't make any more people, then it shouldn't be a big deal!

"Hang on, Miriam, I'm going to call up my menu."

"Maybe that's not the best idea? Is there, like a couch or something? Heck, if you've got a few pillows and a spare blanket around..."

I wasn't listening. I needed this. I needed not to be powerless. Everything had been taken away from me this day. Even my god damned name! "MENU!" I almost shouted the word, and I put every bit of my intent, and my upset, into saying it.

The menu floated in front of me, just as before, with the same simple list - Create, Edit, Copy, Generate, and Delete. I choose Create once more, and the wider transparent pseudo parchment floated in the air. The little cursor blinked.

"Holy flying crap." I glanced at Miriam. It was beyond clear that she could see the menu too. That was very interesting to me, and somehow it made me feel better. It made me feel like a big-name sorceress or witch or something.

"Make a bedroom in this house for Miriam. As good as my own. Put it off the main room." The words dutifully appeared. I turned back to Miriam. "What's your favorite color?"

Miriam's eyes were large. "Uh, green? I like green. And flower patterns. If that helps."

"Make her room green and decorate things in flower patterns." I felt like an effin' god in the moment! "And put in a bathroom somewhere, with all the amenities and a big soaking tub with a shower built in. Make everything work with the house right!" Nowhere had I seen any sign of a single bathroom or toilet. I guess animal people were supposed to go dump outside on the grass or something. Not in my yard!

The words adjusted, rewrote themselves, and finally settled. We both gawked at the floating, holographic page.

"Jesus, Tepal. This is terrifying." Miriam seemed somehow smaller in the glow of the floating list. "You make those villagers the same way?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Exactly like this. They were just one more menu option. Just 'Population'. That's all it said."

"It's got to have some serious limits, but if straight-up making people isn't one of them... god." Miriam's feathers rustled in the glow.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with doing this, do you?"

Miriam studied the list for a moment, then looked back. What counted as eyebrows on her griffon face seemed to be held high up. "Not... not as such."

I smiled. "Okay then." I turned to the hovering list "I wish it so!"

The illuminated rectangle vanished. All around us there came creaks and moans and the very wood of the cottage stretched and moved. The doorway to the kitchen became a corridor, and a tunnel expanded in the wall of that passage. The tunnel became a doorway, which was then filled in with a door. I saw the main room through the tunnel expand, the bookcases stretching - what I could see of them, standing in the kitchen. We heard several metallic bangs and pops, which made us jump. The house creaked even more loudly, and there were several slams, as if from doors. The floor shuddered and rattled under our hooves and paws (and claws!), and an earthy smell combined with hints of oak and mahogany, brass and steel filled our noses, then faded. Then as suddenly as it had started, it all ended, and everything was quiet again.

For several minutes, Miriam and I just stared at each other, occasionally glancing around us. Everything was still, as if nothing utterly extraordinary had just happened at all. I cleared my throat "I guess... it's done."

"Yeah."

Miriam and I gingerly explored the house. The doorway off the corridor that now existed between the main room and the kitchen led to the new bathroom. It had a large, rounded tub, set partially into the tiled floor, with pipes and knobs and a shower head above. There was a most peculiar squat-styled toilet and bidet, with a tread-pedal that presumably flushed it. Miriam gave it a try, and yes, that is exactly what it did. There was a low sink, perfect for creatures such as we, and a large shelved area filled with towels and washcloths of every sort. A very large mirror graced a wall, vast enough for us to spend far too much time staring together at our new selves. I came so close my breath fogged the surface near my muzzle, turning my new unicorn head left and right, trying to see myself in my huge yellow-green eyes. Eventually, filled with both wonder and horror, we tore ourselves from our confused narcissism.

The main room was significantly larger, it had lost some of the 'cozy' feeling for that change. But now there was room for another doorway, and that led to Miriam's newly created room. We stepped quietly in, almost as if it were some strangely hallowed place. It was indeed, green. "That's... that's actually my favorite shade, Tepal", words she spoke more with apprehension than with satisfaction. The flower patterns were equally familiar and appropriate to her. Her bed was in every way the equal of my own, only with leaves and branches as decoration, instead of stars and a night sky. It was very nice, actually.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Miriam seemed hesitant to climb onto her bed and check out the mattress. "I promise I won't change anything more without you being there, and us doing it together." I was thinking that if I had been in her position, I would be a little uneasy at the thought a stranger in the next room over could remake or erase basically anything at any time. Only reasonable really. I felt very regretful for my earlier delusions of godhood and power fantasies during the Making.

Miriam turned to me and nodded. "Uh, yeah. This wouldn't be a thing on a big screen or in a headset. But we're actually here, you know? This is our 'real' now. Everything directly affects us. Personally now. You understand?" Her gaze made me shiver a bit.

"Yes. I understand." And I meant it too. Everything was solid. When the house changed, I felt it, smelled it. The sounds were creepy. It wasn't like a game or a movie at all. I think I finally, truly understood. "This power is dangerous. It cannot be used thoughtlessly."

Miriam's shoulders dropped almost a full inch. I watched a cord in her... side... leg... 'flank' maybe? I saw it sink back down into the lion-half of her body. She almost slumped while standing. "I believe you." She sniffed at the leafy comforter on her bed. "This isn't a game. It never was."

I nodded. "I guess... goodnight, Miriam. I'm... I'm just beat. I'mma gonna go crawl into my own bed and see if it feels as good as it looks, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. Goodnight... Teppy." Her beak curved in a smile at that. I smiled back. It was cute. 'Tepal' sounded weird, and 'Teppy' felt better, somehow. My real name had been stolen from me, whatever it had been. 'Teppy' sort of felt like taking back something from the name I had been assigned against my choice. Whatever my name, I was still me. Because I had to still be me. Even altered, even changed. That was non-negotiable.

I turned and walked through the main room. I had no idea how to work the lights that had somehow turned themselves on. I hadn't even noticed that there had been lights when it was daytime. Lamps of some kind, just like on the show, or in the game I had played, adorned the room in strategic lighting locations. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the kitchen had gone dark. Maybe the lights just... worked... when we needed them? I entered my room after a brief glance at the bookcases. There was more room for new books now.

I closed my door, but there was no bolt. I didn't exactly fear Miriam, despite her being a griffon - half eagle, half lion - but unlike the ponies I had created from nothing, Miriam had a past. She had been human. I knew created ponies could never hurt me. They would never, ever slit my throat in the night. But a human could, and humans did, and I had seen far too much of just that during my decade after the fall of human civilization. That kind of unease did not just vanish merely because I was a unicorn in a fantasy world. As Miriam had stated: this wasn't a game. This was my new real. I had already decided I wanted to live, and I didn't know whether death was possible here. You couldn't die in Equestria, not ever.

But, as Celestia had clearly put it - this wasn't Equestria. The rules were obviously very different out here on the... fringes.

I tugged the comforter back with my hornfield, and then the blankets and sheets. It began to enter my consciousness that the house had grown cool, almost cold. I gave a hop up into my very new bed, and yes, it was just the perfect sort of soft. The sheets seemed like they were a thousand thread count at least. They smelled supernaturally fresh and inviting to my pony nose. I snuggled in and lay on my side, then used my horn to lift and snug the blankets over and around me. The pillow beneath my head felt like a cloud, and for all I knew could have been stuffed with just that.

This, this had been a very long day. I had endured too many shocks and surprises, and far too many challenges to everything I was certain was true. I would never, ever return to earth, or to human life.

I started crying, really crying, until my own exhaustion and the incredible comfort of a perfect bed, together led me into the sweet, sweet embrace of sleep.