Professor Minerva McGonagall was doing her best to quell her mounting panic. While years of teaching had not made her insensitive to the regular hospitalizations of students, it had lent more than a little efficiency to her approach toward the inevitability of injuries that would cripple a muggle. It was a very good thing that magic could easily right most of the wrongs that students would inflict upon themselves and others, inadvertently or otherwise. She imagined that her response to broken bones would be comparable to a muggle teacher’s response to a minor cut or scrape. It was almost ironic that the skills of their mediwitch made sticking plasters obsolete in her school.
If truth were being told, the earlier report of one of her lions being treated for literally using her head to open a wall received little more than a raised eyebrow and a shake of the head. There was no danger that any lasting harm would result from that mishap. The only problem was that no lasting lesson was likely instilled, either. Children could be so hard headed in more than one sense of the word.
No, it took something drastic to elicit the level of alarm she was currently suppressing. A patronus from Pomfrey that had urgently said, “Minerva, I need you in the ward, now!” easily fell within that category. Though her face remained stony, as she hurried through the halls toward her destination, something in her mannerism must have broadcast her distress. After all, she hadn't said a word when she had brushed past Flitwick, yet he had immediately trailed after her. It was a minor pity that his short stature and unfortunate limitation of two legs left him quickly losing ground.
The final obstacle to her destination should have offered some hindrance to her mission. Reality argued that heavy oak-reinforced doors coupled with the lack of appropriate appendages would mean that she had to change back to her birth form to continue. At that point, reality would have been vigorously reminded that she was not only a witch; she was also a mistress of transfiguration, and there were times she did not need niceties such as a wand. She proved reality wrong when the appearance of a small glass marble announced the notable absence of heavy wooden doors. This led to reality proving it could be both petty and vindictive when said marble found itself rolling under a speeding cat’s paw. This led to Minerva proving that she could do a convincing impression of a furry bowling ball.
The witnesses to the entrance were not left with any time to doubt their eyes when Professor McGonagall stood up in her human form, mid-roll, with only a few hasty steps forward to cancel her momentum. “Poppy! What’s wrong? Why are all of my lions here?” A quick glance around compelled an addendum. “What’s wrong with Miss Patil?” Those may have been the words spoken, but everyone clearly heard, “I meant to do that.” After all, Professor McGonagall did not prance. Cat animagus or not, Professor McGonagall did not prance.
It was a testament to the seriousness of the situation that Madam Pomfrey replied in stride. “Miss Patil is fine. She is suffering from magical exhaustion after attempting side-along apparition without the side-along. She shall wake in a couple hours. It is her passenger that we need to worry about.”
Ignoring the concerned stares from the rest of the Gryffindor first-years, Minerva asked. “What do you mean?”
“For all we know, Miss Lovegood has been splinched a hundred times or more between here and St. Mungo’s,” Madam Pomfrey replied. “That’s assuming Miss Patil managed to get the direction correct.”
Despite her normally quick and agile mind, Professor McGonagall had managed to outrun it. “What? You can’t apparate inside Hogwarts.”
“That truth is now suspect,” Madam Pomfrey said. “In the meantime, Miss Lovegood needs to be found.”
It was the Gryffindors being treated to the sight of a speechless Professor McGonagall that greeted Professor Flitwick when he came barreling into the ward. Somewhere along the way, he had acquired a tail in the form of teaching assistant Berrytwist glued to his backside. “What’s going on?” he demanded, breaking the silence.
That was all of the prompting Professor McGonagall needed. Several long strides brought her to the ward's fireplace where she grabbed some floo powder and activated its emergency functions. “St. Mungo’s,” she called out before disappearing into the green flames.
. . . you need to wake up.
Despite appearances to the contrary, everyone who passed noticed the seven girls who were wandering the corridors of Hogwarts Castle. Their unusually vibrant hair colors barely warranted attention. After all, any of a multitude of charms could produce that effect. Their obvious unfamiliarity with their surroundings was hardly unusual among the unfamiliar faces that had joined at the beginning of the term. What stood out was the aura of determination that they projected. The more experienced castle residents had quickly decided that they could help the most by staying out of the way. Even the portraits were wary of starting a conversation, lest the septet vaporize them with the intensity of their glares.
“How are we going to find them?” Random Order whined.
“Don’t worry; we’ll track them down,” said another. “Just keep your eyes peeled for somepony we know.”
“I’m getting hungry,” complained one of their number.
“You shouldn’t have skipped lunch, Sad Smile”
“It wasn’t that important at the time.” Sad Smile pouted.
“We’ll eat after we get the twins to sign the paperwork,” Dull Roar said. “Until then, keep focused.”
“They didn’t want to sign before,” Open Secret reminded everypony.
“We aren’t leaving until they do,” Soft Rock asserted firmly.
“We can snuggle them into it,” Minor Miracle suggested.
“Just don’t be too enthusiastic,” Dull Roar warned.
“I can’t help it.” Minor sulked.
“Why don’t we just ask somepony?” Random Order asked. “Wandering around is getting us nowhere.”
“All right,” Dull Roar said, stomping up to a couple of human fillies. “Excuse me, could you help us please?”
“Of course, I’d be glad to,” one of the human fillies said. “You look lost.”
“We’re trying to find somepony.” Sad Smile talked over whatever Dull Roar was about to say. “We were wondering if you could take us to the twins.”
“Ah,” the other human filly said. “That’s where I remember seeing you. You were with the Weasley twins on the platform. Hello, my name is Terisa. What’s yours?”
“I’m Dull Roar. This is Open Secret, Minor Miracle, Icy Hot, Random Order, Soft Rock, and Sad Smile,” she said, pointing to each girl in turn.
“I thought as much,” Terisa said. “Apple Bloom did mention that we might be seeing you soon. You’re not still too mad, are you?”
“The wards wouldn’t have let us in if we were,” Open Secret said.
“Bounced off them, did you?” asked Terisa knowingly.
“A few times,” Sad Smile admitted. “Can you take us to the twins?”
“Nobody knows where the twins get to in their spare time,” the first human filly stated. “When those two don’t want to be found, you can forget about looking for them.”
A sea of dejected faces met that statement.
“Not to worry,” Terisa said. “It’s near on tea time. They’ll be showing up soon for a bite.”
“Thank Celestia,” said Minor with nods from the rest of her herd.
“So, yer all ponies?” asked the second human filly. “You’re going to be attending Hogwarts? I don’t remember seeing you in the Great Hall before.”
“We weren’t planning on it,” said Open Secret. “Sorry, I didn’t get your name.”
“My mistake, I’m Lucy.”
“How’d you get in then?” asked Terisa. “If you aren’t students, then a faculty member needs to let you in, and I doubt any of them would let you wander around unaccompanied.”
“The big human let us in after we left our anger behind,” said Icy Hot. “I’ll admit, we are getting a lot less hassle than I was expecting.”
“Anyone who can rein in the twins is welcome here,” Lucy stated. “I heard them muttering about needing to pull off a big prank; they are tired of being upstaged by the firsties.”
“Was that colt wearing a live octopus as a hat?” asked Soft Rock, looking after the small group that had just passed the chatting girls.
“Yeah, we have some new pets in Gryffindor,” Lucy said.
“You were saying something about food and the twins?” Sad Smile prompted.
. . . you need to wake up.
Professor McGonagall's search came to an abrupt end as she nearly bowled Luna over when exiting the floo. A few sharp words immediately summoned a splinching specialist, who wasted no time in starting an examination of the victim of the apparent aberrant apparation.
“She has all of her parts,” announced the mediwizard as he swept his wand over Luna. “You are much too young to be attempting apparation,” he remonstrated the young girl as he worked. “I am going to have to file an incident report. You could have been seriously hurt.”
“I wasn’t using apparation,” Luna corrected. “Parvati teleported me.”
“I have told you,” Regent Longbottom said from where she stood a few feet away. “You cannot apparate someone else without going with them.”
Professor McGonagall sighed. “Apparently, Miss Patil hasn’t learned that lesson. She is visiting the land of unconsciousness for her efforts and most likely won’t be practicing any magic for a week.”
“That’s impossible,” Neville’s Gran protested.
“I am afraid my first-years have been stretching the limits of that word since the beginning of the year.” Professor McGonagall scowled. “I rate this attempt lower on the scale than bringing a ghost back to life.”
“How can you be so blasé about this?” Regent Longbottom demanded.
“I have to be,” Professor McGonagall said. “I’m already over my annual budget for the liquid of life.”
“I will have to invite you over, then; I have a nice barrel or two aging in the cellar,” Regent Longbottom said.
With its customary lack of warning, a ball of flames appeared. When the air cleared, Sweetie Belle was standing there with Aide Berrytwist and Professors Flitwick and Goodman.
“Good, you found her.” Professor Flitwick locked his gaze on Luna. “We had Miss Belle use her phoenix to flame us directly to her.”
“Hi guys.” Sweetie waved at her herdmates as Philomena perched on her shoulder. The white bandage wrapped around her head only enhanced her waifish charm.
“Don’t think I haven’t realized that your little group is trying to get around the restrictions imposed on your travels.” Professor McGonagall stated. "Mr. Filch shall be having ample help in the near future.”
All of the present children winced. Somehow, Professor McGonagall could swear that they were masking smiles of determination.
. . . you need to wake up.
The fine furred and feathered friends had flown the coop and taken refuge under the dovecote. The cramped confines compelled them to conform, intertwining in a posture that would normally be considered inappropriate for witnesses. The two who were hiding fervently hoped that they had eluded their stalkers; they'd never live it down otherwise.
“Do you see them?” Nymphadora asked.
Gordon carefully peeked. “I don’t think they’ve seen us,” he said. “They’re just standing around talking.”
“They’d better hurry up and get bored,” Nymphadora griped. “We can go hide in the café once they get out of sight.”
“They don’t look like they’re going anywhere soon,” Gordon said.
Nymphadora sighed. “We’ll wait.”
. . . you need to wake up.
The streets of Canterlot weren’t crowded, leaving plenty of room for two unicorn mares and a gryphon hen to stand around conversing.
“Do you think that they know that we know where they are?” Twilight asked.
“Let them have their illusions,” Andi said.
“It works in our favor,” Glados added.
“It has to be cramped in there,” Twilight objected.
“It works in our favor,” Glados repeated.
“So, how long do you think it will be before we have grandchildren?” Andi asked.
“Not long if I have anything to say about it,” Glados said.
. . . you need to wake up.
The Hufflepuff beater pointed his wand at the beater’s bat in the small girl’s hand. “Repario,” he intoned.
“Thanks,” said Lily. “I may have hit it too hard.”
“I did say, ‘try hitting it as hard as you can.’” The Hufflepuff beater shook his head. “We wanted a baseline of your abilities.”
“I don’t know about a baseline,” said one of the observers sitting on the stands not far away from the floating duo. “But you managed a line of another breed.”
“Hagrid is going to be mad about the trees,” commented another Hufflepuff, sitting next to him.
“It’s a pity that you’re not in our house,” said a third Hufflepuff. “I’m sure you’d make the team. Hope you're sorted into Hufflepuff next year.”
“Who’s going after the bludger?” asked a chaser, floating over to the group.
“I think we’ll just write that one off,” said the team captain as he also joined them. “Luckily, both the Slytherins and Gryffindors have donated a crateload of them to the school recently.”
“That doesn’t bode well,” said the first spectator.
“No, it doesn’t,” agreed the captain. “Someone go to the dorms and get Susan Bones; I think we’re going to have to train her up for the next game.”
“She’s not on the team,” someone objected.
“She is now,” countered the captain.
“You might want to get Hanna as well,” said another Hufflepuff. “That Rumble boy has been an absolute nightmare for the snitch.”
“I hope the batponies aren’t good at something,” said the first Hufflepuff spectator. “We don’t have one of them.”
. . . you need to wake up.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the octopus is understandable.” stated Soft Rock.
“The octopus is understandable?” Minor asked incredulously.
“No,” Soft Rock admitted. “It really isn’t, but as far as hats go, it is more so than a blob of blue jelly. What’s with that?”
“That’s just Mouse,” said Terisa. “He’s harmless . . . mostly.”
. . . you need to wake up.
A Hufflepuff burst into the room. After spotting the two girls he sought, he rushed over, only to find them and several others happily chatting while sharing crackers spread with a strange pink jam.
“What’s that?” he asked, forgetting the reason for his urgency.
“I don’t know,” Hanna said. “Clouded had jars of the stuff on her bed and said we could have one.”
“She had a funny look,” Susan added. “Said she was avoiding the common room when there’s a romantic movie playing from now on.”
“Want some?” Hanna asked. “It’s pretty good.”
. . . you need to wake up.
The centaurs were still in an uproar.
They were under attack . . . or so they assumed.
Something had smashed through trees and branches with equal ease.
It had been over in less than a second, leaving a trail of destruction with a crack of displaced air.
They were on high alert.
They never found an enemy, but the destruction followed a straight line from the school.
. . . you need to wake up.
The Acromantulas were in an uproar.
Something had happened.
Whatever it had been had disintegrated one of the larger members of their tribe.
Had they studied physics, they would have recognized the effects of hydrostatic shock.
It had to have been the wizards.
The line of destruction led back towards their largest dwelling.
Whatever it had been hadn’t stopped. The destruction continued well after the nest.
. . . you need to wake up.
“Are they gone yet?”
“Nope, they’re still standing around.”
. . .
“That had better not be what I think it is.”
“I can’t help it; I have a beautiful hen under me.”
“You think I’m beautiful? . . . Of course, you do, your mother practically demanded I take a form you’d find attractive.”
“Sorry about that, I know how much you hate having others tell you what to look like.”
“Wasn’t your fault. Normally I’d throw a wobbly, but it wasn’t worth it in this case.”
“Why not?”
“It wouldn’t be right to put you on the outs with your mum.”
“You did it for me?”
“Don’t be surprised, you are my friend.”
“Really? I mean you’re my friend too, but I’d never ask you to do that.”
“Seriously, Gordon, you could put an eye out with that!”
. . . you need to wake up.
Its momentum spent, the iron object lay in its new home. It had come to the end of the valley, where the land had risen to meet its flight path, putting an end to its ballistic behavior. Once it had been a sphere; that was now in the past. It had taken five feet of solid earth to rob it of its drive, but now it could rest in pieces.
. . . you need to wake up.
“Well, that could have gone better,” Seamus said as he and his friends made their way toward the Great Hall.
“Eh, it’s just a little detention.” Abagail shrugged.
“And house points,” Hermione complained.
“Y'all earn more in a week than what we lost,” Apple Bloom said dismissively. “Ah just wish they’d let us stay with Parvati.”
“At least Madam Pomfrey said she’ll be released tomorrow morning,” Dean said.
“Don’t worry,” Luna said. “Abagail and I will sneak in after lights out to keep an eye on her.”
“Don’t lose any more points,” Neville suggested.
There were a few seconds of silence.
“Neville,” Scootaloo said, “I need to ask, what happened to your parents?”
“Scootaloo,” Harry chastised. “Don’t”
“It’s all right, Harry,” Neville said.
“I don’t think it is,” Lavender shot Scootaloo a warning glare. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to. We can see that it hurts you.”
Neville stopped walking and his friends crowded around him for comfort.
“Gran says I should be proud of them,” Neville said, “that I shouldn’t be ashamed.”
“Neville.” Sweetie was the first to wrap him in a hug.
Neville shuddered in her arms as Abagail added her own. “Hermione already knows; I should tell the rest of you.”
“You don’t have to,” Lavender said.
“It was Bellatrix and three others; they caught up with Mum and Dad.” Neville plowed on. “They tortured them. The cruciatus curse.” There was a sob hovering just below his words.
“That’s awful.” Apple Bloom added her own hug.
“It was at the end of the last war . . . They . . . Their minds are shattered.”
“I’m so sorry.” Hermione sobbed, keeping her distance.
“I hate Bellatrix,” Neville said with a dead voice. “I don’t care if she was being controlled. I won’t forgive her.” He looked up and saw Hermione standing miserably by herself. “It wasn’t your fault; you weren’t even born yet.”
“I am older than you, you know,” Hermione corrected.
“Hermione, now is not the time for technicalities,” Scootaloo said.
“Come here.” Neville held out his arms, inviting Hermione into the group hug.
With a sob, Hermione threw herself into the embrace.
It was time for tea, but the Crusaders weren’t moving.
. . . you need to wake up.
“Gordon, you really need to be careful! I’m not ready to get married!”
“Married?”
“If you move one more inch, the Ministry is going to consider us married.” Nymphadora warned. “I think that’s a step we should only take when we’re ready.”
. . .
“Gordon are you all right?”
“You said ‘when’, not ‘if’.”
. . .
“Tonks?”
“Why are things so difficult?” Nymphadora asked.
Gordon sighed. “Take another form? That would remove the temptation.”
“I can’t,” Nymphadora said. “My flames would alert them to our position.”
“And if you don’t, then hiding becomes moot,” Gordon declared.
“You have more self-control than that.”
“No, I really don’t; I’m at my limit.”
In a flash of light, the hen vanished, with a much smaller dik-dik doe taking her place. Now able to move somewhat freely, Tonks pivoted around. "Tell me I'm not seeing double."
Tonks felt Gordon's head shake. He replied, "And those things are as sharp as they look."
“Right, we’ll be getting you a human form before we take this any further,” Nymphadora said decisively.
. . . you need to wake up.
In stately Black Manor, the husbands and wives lounged in the living room, talking about the events of the day. Andi and Ted shared one love seat while Remus and Nissy claimed the other. On the couch, Sirius was buttressed between Pinkie and Rainbow.
“If it weren’t for Cloud Chaser stopping him from making a newbie mistake, we’d have been up all-night on the cleanup,” Rainbow said.
“We all have to deal with idiots at work,” Andi replied. “At least you’re not putting people's lives at risk when someone messes up,” she said reassuringly.
“Have you seen what a rogue thunderhead can do?” Rainbow countered.
“Well, that’s disappointing,” Twilight said, entering the room, making a beeline for the couch. “Gordon hasn’t shown up on the tapestry yet.”
“’Yet’ being the key word,” Andi said soothingly. “It’s only a matter of time.”
“Perhaps you should back off a bit,” Ted suggested. “Let Nymphadora handle it at her own pace.”
“Hush, dear,” Andi scolded. “Mothers have an instinct for these things.”
“I’ll check again in the morning.” Twilight said, taking a seat on Sirius’s lap. “You do realize that since Gordon is a griffin, you won’t be getting any daughters-in-law from a herd?”
“Fine by me,” Andi replied. “The herd thing is new to us, remember?”
“It seems weird to me,” Pinkie said. “Still, every creature has their own ways.”
“I still say, let the kids be,” Ted asserted. “Marriage is a big step, and there isn’t a halfway mark; what with the instant recognition after the fact.”
“We can still have a ceremony,” Nissy said.
Owlicious flew in, landing on the couch back before holding out a scroll-bearing leg to Rainbow.
Pinkie Pie giggled. "You got mail."
Rainbow snapped, "Hey! That's my line!"
“They might not be ready,” Remus said, ignoring the exchange.
“They’re ready; trust me,” Andi countered.
“We need a way to stop the mingling of magics that’s causing instant marriages,” Sirius said, pulling Twilight closer to himself. “At this rate, half of Hogwarts will be married before they graduate.
“That’s impossible,” Twilight said. “For some reason, earthborn wizards are very open with their magic when they mate.”
“Oh! Oh!” Pinkie exclaimed. “We should ask the Crusaders. They don’t know it’s impossible.”
“We should really give those kids a list of things that are impossible,” Ted said. “It could save us a headache or two.”
“I don’t fancy giving them a to do list,” Nissy countered.
“That’s a great idea!” Pinkie said, pulling a blank scroll out of her hair.
“Pinkie, that’s not even a good idea,” Twilight argued.
“I really don’t like the idea of the kids having a list of things Pinkie considers impossible,” Remus replied, in a quavering tone.
The occupants of the room all shuddered, except for the pink party pony. Instead, she was tying a scroll to Owlicious’s leg.
“Pinkie,” Twilight growled. “I told you that wasn’t a good idea.”
“It only has one item.” Pinkie Pie pouted. “Something that’s been frustrating me.”
“I cannot tell you how frightening I find that statement,” Nissy said.
“We’re overthinking this,” Ted replied. “When was the last time the kids did something impossible?”
“Earlier today.” Rainbow looked up from the scroll she had been reading. “They’re teleporting now.”
“That’s not impossible,” Twilight said. “I can teleport.”
Wordlessly, Rainbow handed her the scroll.
“Those children are unbelievable,” Andi noted. “How are they getting off school grounds to teleport?”
“They’re teleporting from their room,” Rainbow said.
“They can’t do that,” Nissy stated. “The wards would stop any attempt to apparate. That’s imp . . . oh good grief.”
“Is it too late to call your owl back?” Remus asked. “I’d like to see what Pinkie wrote before they do.”
“How bad could it be?” Twilight shuddered when she realized the implications of what she said. “Owlicious!” she called out.
“Seems like it is too late,” Nissy commented.
“Kreacher!” Sirius called out.
“Yes, miserable master?” the elf said after popping in.
“Go to the apothecary and get us some headache potions,” Sirius commanded. “Two for everybody.”
“Kreacher will get.” There was another pop announcing his departure.
“You should have gotten a dozen for everyone,” Remus said. “Better safe than sorry.”
“That’s impossible!” Twilight dropped the scroll she had been reading. “It can’t be done.” she asserted.
“Well, that seems to be the theme for tonight, “Andi said, as Twilight produced a blackboard and started attacking it with a stick of chalk.
“Okay,” Sirius said. “I suggest we all take a vow never to give the Crusaders a list of things they can’t do.”
“That would be a good idea,” Ted admitted.
“That is mathematically impossible!” Twilight pointed at the board now covered by a myriad of symbols. “Just look!”
Pinkie Pie cocked her head. "If you squint, that looks like a penguin waving. Shouldn't that be a cosh?"
“Does anybody understand any of that?” Nissy asked.
“I can get about halfway through it,” Remus admitted.
“Then, I’m not going to bother.” Rainbow said. “Does anypony know what she’s going on about?”
“Parvati Patil teleported Luna Lovegood without going with her,” Twilight said, a few stray hairs springing free from her normally neat hairdo. “You just can’t do that. You can summon and return small nonliving items, but this is impossible!”
“Parvati doesn’t think so,” Pinkie replied.
“But!” Twilight said, a few more hairs making a break for it. “You can’t do something just because you don’t know you can’t do it!”
“Someone should tell the kids that.” Ted said.
“Let’s file that one under bad ideas,” Nissy said. “That’s a paradox waiting to happen.”
Remus shrugged. "I guess there are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
Twilight's eyes narrowed. "Did you make that up on your own?"
Shaking his head, Remus replied, "Nah, I just like quoting dead poets."
Owlicious reappeared and presented Pinkie with a scroll and a package.
“How did he get there and back so quickly?” Andi asked.
“I’m pretty sure he’s taking a detour through Equestria,” Remus said.
“They couldn’t have solved an impossible problem that fast,” Sirius said, “especially not a Pinkie impossibility.”
“They did!” Pinkie exclaimed, dropping the scroll before attacking the package. A blizzard of shredded newsprint hid her from view.
“We should be worried,” Rainbow stated.
“Very worried,” Nissy agreed.
“Ah ha!” Pinkie exclaimed, producing a pendant.
“What’s that?” Andi asked warily.
“Watch.” Pinkie said, slipping the jewelry over Sirius’s head. Soon, where the wizard once sat, there was now a unicorn. His coat started at the blackest black and then added a few more degrees of darkness, just to make its point. His mane was a matching shade.
“Mate,” Remus said, “you are seriously black.”
Every eye in the room turned to assault the ex-werewolf.
“Forget I just said that,” Remus said sheepishly.
“It worked!” Pinkie bounced, coming down in her pony form. She grabbed Sirius’s tail and started dragging him from the room.
“What?” Twilight asked eloquently as she followed.
“Kreacher!” Sirius called out. “Go to the apothecary and get me some pepper-up potions!”
Triumphantly, Rainbow exclaimed as she trailed behind Twilight, "Yes! No more doggy style!"
… I need to wake up.