//------------------------------//
// Dig that cat... He's real gone 
// Story: Tales from the Rift 
// by Fonzie 
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A lot of ponies, griffins, changelings and other creatures gathered around a little hole in the ground at the Las Pegasus resort, normally a hole in the ground wouldn't mean a thing, but this time it's a special performance. For today, a griffon known by all as Ulric the undying is performing his latest stunt. Also on the scene were a bunch of news reporters wanting a scoop on the latest stunt.
"I'm standing here at Las Pegasus where today, where in due time, the legendary Ulric the undying will perform what he considers to be the greatest performance of his life: he's going to be buried in a coffin 10 feet underground, and he won't be released until tomorrow morning, Ulric is going to be here shortly, but in the meantime let's get a bird's eye view with our co-anchor Ollie, how are things looking up there Ollie."

"EVERYCREATURE LOOKS LIKE ANTS!!!"

"Probably because you're up so high, now until Ulric gets here, let's talk about the virtues of... what's that... oh, oh! He's here, ladies and gentlemen, Ulric the undying is here."

A black limousine pulled up, and pretty soon, Ulric stepped out and waved to the gathered crowd as he made his way towards a small coffin and climbed in, the lid slammed shut and started to slowly lower itself into the hole.

"This is gonna be great." Ulric said to himself, "after this performance, I'll be on my last life, and it'll pay me big time."

Ulric started to think back to before he became a celebrity, "I remember how it all began, back when I was an average bum on a bench." He said, as his thoughts went back to that fateful day that started it all.





On the streets of Griffonstone, a pony in what looked like a lab coat walked down the dark streets, by the way he was looking, you'd swear it seemed like he was looking for an easy victim.

Up ahead of him was a griffon, lying on a bench, looking like an average bum, unshaven beard and all, this got his attention, and he cautiously approached the griffon, he knew how griffons get when they get a rude awakening.

"Hey you."

The griffon woke up with a start, and saw the pony standing in front of him, annoyed by his presence, he asked, "what do you want."

"I want to have a word with you." He said ominously.





Pretty soon the two were at a little bar in town, where the griffon drank what he could afford, while the pony was talking to him.

"My name is Dr. Emil Manfred." He said, introducing himself, "I came here from ponyville looking for an unfortunate creature like you for a little experiment."

Still annoyed, but curious, the griffon asked, "what kind of experiment."





The two were soon on a train back to ponyville, where emil explained his experiment, "there's an old rumor about the common cat, they say they've got 9 lives, well last week I believe I have discovered the cats little secret to having said lives."

Still confused, the griffon asked, "what does this have to do with me?"





"Well, you're gonna help me with my experiment." The doc said when they arrived at the lab, the griffon saw what was on the slab, Emil shivered with anticipation, or maybe it was the rain that was really to blame.

"The cat has a special little gland, that's where it gets it's lives, but with a little spell I found, you'll be able to have said lives.", the griffon was feeling nervous at this point, but he didn't have much of a choice, after all, what did he have to lose, he laid down on the slab next to the unfortunate cat.

"By the way, this may sting a little."

"Wait, WHAT?!"

"I honestly don't know what happened next, either it was from the nervousness or it was the effects of the spell, but either way, I blacked out, and when I came to, the doc was standing over me."

The griffon looked at dr. Manfred in confusion, aside from a slight headache, he didn't feel any different, "did it work?"

"It worked my friend." Emil said, "you now have the nine lives of a cat."

The griffon looked at the other slab, and sure enough, there was the cat, dead as a doornail, after all, it no longer has any lives left.

"Are you sure it worked, I mean, how can we know for sure that I've got 9 lives?"

Emil reached into his coat pocket, "well a gunshot from this range would kill you." He pulled out a gun, and before the griffon could react, the doc fired the gun at him.

"the pain from the bullet was unbearable, and I'm not sure it was that or all those drinks I had, but either way, I blacked out again."

Dr. Manfred waited a few seconds, and pretty soon, the griffon jumped up screaming, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!" he shouted, "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!!!"

"But I did kill you my friend." The doc explained, "you're currently on your second life, but we'll waste no more, your lives are going to make us rich."

The griffon smiled at the notion of gaining a fortune, of course, he'll have to die for it, but it would be worth it in the long run.

"it took us a while to think of stage names, I don'tremember what the others were, but we eventually settled on Ulric the undying, and we got our first gig in las Pegasus."

"Look pal, I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm not hiring another escape artist, last time I did, he escaped with the box office money and my wife." Said the owner of the resort, his name was quick buck, he owned a hotel that was a little rundown and true to his name, he's looking for a high paying act that could make him rich and improve his little resort.

"I'm afraid you're wrong sir." Emil said, "Ulric doesn't escape, he dies, only to come back to life again, if you sign us now, I can guarantee that you'll be able to have a packed hotel by the time spring break rolls around."

Quick buck seemed to consider this rather odd act, "are you sure he can come back."

"Oh yes, I guarantee it."

"Alright, I'll give him a try." He said, "at this point, I'm pretty desperate to find something to draw in the tourists."

"that sucker, he was willing to pay us just to get us do our shows, by the next day, we had our first show."

The first show didn't have much viewers, just a Griffon, a Yak, a dragon, a changeling, a hippogriff, and a pony. They were standing outside the hotel, where the show was going to take place today.

"Come one, come all, the greatest show ever performed at this hotel." Quick buck announced through a loudspeaker, "today, our very own Ulric the undying will jump of the roof of our building, without a parachute or using his wings, and land on the target below." He turned to the roof of the building, "ready Ulric?"

He got his answer when Ulric jumped off the roof and started plummeting towards the ground, catching the attention of other tourists that were nearby.

Suddenly, a FedEx truck pulled up, and parked directly on the target, "I got a delivery for a mr. Quick buck."

Ulric landed directly onto the back of the truck, smashing through the top in the process. This shocked the crowd, but quick buck went over to the truck, opened the back, and dragged the body out. After all, the show must go on.

"Don't go away folks, because in a few moments you'll be a witness to his resurrection."

As if on cue, Ulric snapped back to reality, and greeted the shocked crowd, which started to applaud.

"I gotta admit, I didn't think I'd be a success, but I did, soon enough, I became an instant sensation."

"Today fillies and gentlecratures, Ulric the undying will show you what happens when you do the dirty deed in a country like this."

Ulric was strapped to a small tabletop, with some shots laying nearby, for today's show he was pretending to be a death row prisoner sentenced to death by fatal injection. But since they couldn't afford the fancy technology used for these things, they went for the next best thing: a fatal amount of adrenaline.

"We originally planned to use the old guillotine, but I wasn't sure about that. I mean, if my head got cut off, would I still come back? Fortunately the doc came up with the fatal injection shtick, and just in time too."

When Quick buck finally wrapped up his speech, he gave a signal to a hired hand named Shelly, who walked onto the stage and started injecting the drug into Ulric's bloodstream. 

"the show was jammed packed with all types of creatures, I knew this was going to pay me plenty."

After the performance, Emil started to count the money, took a small chunk from the pile, and handed it to Ulric, "here's your share Ulric, it should be at least twenty eight grand."

"Great thanks." Ulric said in a calm way, when Manfred left, he started shouting garbage, smashed his glass of cider on the ground and kicked over the chair he was in.

"I had to play it cool in front of the doc. After all, I took a bullet to the brain, jumped off a building and took a serious amount of drugs, but he still had a lion's share. I decided it was time to boost my profits, I had to wait for the perfect moment."

In the middle of the night, a black sedan drove through the abandoned streets, with Emil  completely unaware of what Ulric had planned. "This is going great my friend, we're going to be rich."

"Correction, I'm going to be rich."

Emil was confused by his wording, until he noticed that they were speeding up, "Ulric, what are you doing?!"

"I'm making a little investment doc: 100% of our show's profits."

Emil noticed that they were heading for a brick wall, at the speed they were going, it would seriously kill a creature.

"You know, they wouldn't accuse me of murder, after all I'm the one with five lives left."

Just before they hit the building, Ulric noticed something off about the doc, he didn't seem to be afraid that he was going to die, in fact he seemed to smile and the moment they hit the building... he laughed.

"I was confused by his odd behavior, I mean who smiles and laughs when they're about to die. Fortunately I recovered before the authorities arrived, and by the next morning I cleared of any wrongdoings."

After the doc's 'untimely death', Ulric returned to his performance, this time he was strapped to a spinning target.

"And now, after all these days after his friend's death, Ulric the undying, with help from his assistant Shelly, will be strapped to this target, and will have these throwing knives thrown at him."

Once everything seemed to be in order, Shelly walked over to the small table where the knives were, and started to throw them but missed by the slightest inch, she did this on purpose just to build tension.

Once she ran out of knives, she reached underneath the table and pulled out a large axe, she threw it, but unlike the knives, it struck Ulric right in the heart.

A few seconds later, the target stopped spinning, and Shelly started to remove the knives and the now bloody axe, then she loosened the straps, sending Ulric tumbling to the floor.

Everyone waited and watched and waited and watched... but Ulric didn't get up.

"SHE DID IT!!! Fillies and gentlecratures, Shelly has been the first to kill Ulric the undying!" Quick buck said, attempting to play along with the charade, while discreetly kicking the body, trying to get him to move.

"That was one thing I didn't count on. Some resurrections took longer than others. I just lucky I woke up just before they could do anything."

A few days after Ulric's official death, his body was sent to a morgue that vlad worked in, he passed body bags labeled 'Eddie', 'Columbia', 'Frank' and 'Rocky', finally he stopped at a bag labeled 'Ulric', unzipped it, and made the necessary preparations to draw the blood.

But before he draw even one drop, Ulric suddenly jumped up screaming, and then noticed he wasn't at the resort, "where am I?" He asked.

"That must've been the reason why he acted like a lunatic, he thought they'd embalm me and I couldn't come back, I don't know if I could back from that,  but I didn't want to risk, so Shelly hired a friend of hers named Alfred."

"Now remember, if I die, you bring my body back here." Ulric reminded Alfred before the show began, this time he was on a stretch rack of sorts.

Quick buck gave the signal, and Shelly started to turn the crank. Ulric felt his limbs being stretched, his tendons snapped, and his bones breaking as they were stretched out.

"That had to be the most painful one of them all, but I worked through the pain. After I healed, I started to count the money from the show."

"Look at this." Ulric said, counting there should be enough money to pay for a vacation home in Kokomo."

He was so busy counting, that he never noticed Alfred taking a knife out, until he felt it enter his back. He instantly collapsed to the floor, while a door opened and Shelly walked in.

"Ulric, this is my fiance Eric." Shelly said, motioned to who Ulric thought was named Alfred, "he's a master of death just like you, aren't you baby."

The two went in for a kiss, right in front of Ulric, then Shelly started talking again.

"Unlike you however, he doesn't need nine lives, he was just born with it."

"We haven't made any arrangements yet." Eric said, "But with just a little bit of money."

"Your money." Shelly added.

"I think we'll have a great opening act in no time, so long Ulric."

The two thieves walked out the door, and closed it just as Ulric came back, even though he was dead, he heard everything, and was he mad.

"Those cheats took all the from my shows, the next time I see those two,  I'm sending them on a permanent vacation, but first things first, I had to get my money back."

"You want WHAT!!!"

"You heard me." Ulric said, "I want everything, the profits from the show, the money from the resort, everything. "

Quick  buck was shocked by this, "This is highway robbery."

"Well you can take it or leave it." He warned, "This place was nothing until you met me, now come on pal what will it be: give me the money, or I walk."

Angry but knowing he has a point, Quick Buck sighed and said "I don't know how you live with yourself."





"He's lucky I didn't charge him for the ownership" Ulric said, "But still, I'm going to be rich." A sudden thought came to his head, "But why stop there, when I could get more cats, and get their lives, after all, it all started with that cat, shame it. had.. to..."

Ulric suddenly thought of the axe to the heart and adrenaline.

"Wait a minute..."

He thought of the gunshot and the stabbing.

"The cat had to die so I could get its..."

He thought of the car crash and the jump off the building.

"OH MY CELESTIA!"

He thought of the ever painful stretch rack, and the cat... lying dead on the slab.

"THAT'S WHY THE DOC LAUGHED... I ONLY HAVE EIGHT LIVES!"

All of the confidence Ulric had left him, fear quickly replaced it as he desperately banged on the  top of  the  coffin.

"HEY, SOMECREATURE HELP ME, PLEASE..."

"well folks, it's been almost an hour, his oxygen is almost gone, but we're still going to wait until tomorrow to see if Ulric will return once more, or if he'll really bite the big one, until then, this is Tom Tucker, singing off.

Ulric heard the steps and the sound of cars starting, and knocking because more desperate.

"NO PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, I'LL  DIE, I'M NOT KIDDING, SOMECREATURE PLEASE... 


LET ME OOOOOOUUUUUUTTTT...

"

Unbeknownst to the others, a black cat watched the scene unfold, as soon as every creature left, it walked over to where the coffin was buried and sat down, and if you ever saw that cat...


You'd swear it seemed to be smiling