If you've ever woken up in the middle of the night and instantly regretted it, you would know how I feel at the moment. My eyes feel more than just heavy, they feel as if an anchor is attached to each of them and it keeps me from opening them for more than a second before the strain causes me to close them again. The dull pain roaring behind my eyes aches and pulses for a moment before settling itself squarely up into the center of my forehead. I groaned at the sensation, although it mostly devolved into a gurgle in my throat. I instinctively choose to do what I always do in a situation like this; roll over, grab a pillow, and then plop said pillow on top of my head. It’s a little trick of mine to help me sleep. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
Or, at least, that was the plan. As I rolled over, I felt something on my back catch the bed mattress awkwardly and begin pulling in a direction it surely should not have. Gasping at the sudden pain, my eyes shot open as I rocked myself over onto my back which alleviated whatever got pulled on my back. No longer in pain and sufficiently awake, I started blinking away the remaining grogginess from my eyes.
That's not my ceiling.
The realization crossed me and I tilted my head as I explored the unfamiliar stone above me. Through the moonlight streaming in through a nearby window, I could see it's a smooth white surface with a cloudy mist-like pattern throughout. Now, I'm no interior designer – in fact I'm not even sure it actually is stone or just made to mimic it – but a marble ceiling seems unnecessary. I thought to myself. Who in their right mind would think this was a good investment? Marble is supposed to be a fancy and showy expense, right? If so, then who are you trying to impress with a marble ceiling in your bedroom?
Suddenly, my whole body stiffened as my initial thought struck me again. This isn't my ceiling. I sat up in bed and started looking around the room; a vain attempt to figure out where I was. Instinctively, my eyes shot over to the window which was pouring in moonlight on my right side. Outside, a full moon hung in a clear starry sky above a massive flat valley. Only two things broke up the rolling fields of grass; the first was a river that expanded from below the window view to an oddly foreboding forest. The second, and far more interesting subject of the windows' view, was a sizable village that sat directly below the moon. A picturesque view from atop this tower, in my opinion.
With effort, I tore my gaze away from the stunning view and investigated the rest of the room. An ornate white and gold painted dresser sat beside the window on its left with various unlit candles sat atop it. Above it were the more interesting picture frames on the wall, although from my angled position on the bed I wasn't able to get a view at the photos they contained. The wall itself was even more marble, although the darkness obscured the white trim along the edge of the floor and ceiling. I could see it, but the dark obscured it enough so that I couldn't really figure out the texture. With no clues on my right, I redirected my attention to my left.
It didn't take long for me to realize how out of my depth I was. Standing over me and glaring at me with an intensity equal to a blazing sun was a brilliantly white horse with an ethereal mane of dull blues, greens, and pinks caught in a nonexistent breeze. Her horn extended to a dull point from her forehead and I caught a glimpse of feathered wings on the creature's back. The gears in my head crawled to a stop as I attempted to comprehend the idea that Princess Celestia was both real and threatening to skewer me with her gaze.
For a long moment, I stared back at the silently fuming royal. Neither of us broke the silence; I didn't want to as I was still trying to come to grips with the surreal situation. While Celestia... I'm fairly positive Celestia was quite upset that I was asleep in her bed. Eventually I blinked a few times to confirm what I was seeing. When Celestia didn't disappear, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Either this is a wild dream I'm experiencing or I've begun losing my mind. Slowly I released my breath and started to speak.
"So is–" was as far as I got before my eyes ripped open.
That's not my voice.
As soon as the sound of my voice – Celestia’s voice – touched the air, I looked down at where my arms would be and my internal panic levels sharply rose. The first thing to register was the white fur covering every inch of the limbs that no longer qualified as arms. I know I was pale before and had a bit of hair on my arms. But snow white and this much hair? No, that's not right at all. Then, I realized I was lacking both of my hands. I think it was the lack of hands that caused me to scream more than anything.
My attention rapidly shifted from one foreleg to the other. Internally I was pleading my hands would appear. My voice gained a renewed sense of terror with each passing moment as every glance I took at my now digit-less appendages sent a new wave of distraught through me. A light cough from ahead of me snapped me back to reality. Celestia, who had been leaning over me on the left side of the bed, had chosen to move to the foot of the king sized bed. Seeing Celestia’s glare again caused me to shut my mouth and scoot away.
"Are you finished?" While Celestia spoke with the tone of a disappointed mother, her body language told a vastly different story. Celestia’s head was held high as she peered down at me with a fire in eyes and an air of regality expected from a trained politician. "If you are, I would like to open negotiations between us. If you return my body to me, then I will not personally lock you away into the deepest cage in Tartarus that I can manage."
"What?" was all I could squeak out; partially from fear and partially from the soreness in my throat.
"Those are the terms. You will agree to them." With that, Celestia dropped her motherly tone and replaced it with undisguised fury. Tactful negotiations? No. Terrifying as all hell? Yes, very much so. Watching a being who can literally control the trajectory of the sun seethe with rage – directed specifically at you – is actually much more horrifying than you would imagine. I started nodding as quickly as possible, as any in my position would.
"Yes, deal!" I tried to keep some of the anxious panic out of my voice, but I’m pretty sure I failed at that. My mind raced as I realized what was going on. If what is happening right now is real and not a dream, then I must actually be in Celestia’s body. Oddly, a part of me was glad at the turn of events. If both Celestia and I want to get me out of this position, then that would mean we're already a few steps closer to sorting this mess out. I've read enough fanfiction to know how this song and dance can go, and I really did not want to pretend to be Celestia. Embracing the silver lining, I continued with a slightly more relaxed voice. "So how exactly do I give you your body back?"
"What?" Celestia quietly asked, her voice was barely above a whisper. My hopes quickly fell hearing the misery take hold of her voice as I felt myself sag forward.
"Well, I have no idea what happened!" Hopefully Celestia would understand and believe my side of the situation. "I'm no unicorn, first off, so there is no way I could have switched myself into your place to begin with. Secondly, where I come from there is no such thing as magic. Or, at the least, not as you know it. And lastly," I pointed a hoof out toward the window, "none of this should even exist where I'm from. Including you." I punctuated that last part with a point at her.
As I explained, Celestia’s expression of anger melted away. At first, I assumed this was a good sign but her vacant and distant gaze was actually more concerning than Celestia’s unbridled disdain. I gave a wide – albeit very forced – simile to try and seem friendlier.
“I have been standing here for hours trying to get your attention,” an exhausted sign escaped Celestia's lips as her eyes fell to the bed. “I cannot feel anything right now, you know? My sense of touch is gone, as is my sense of smell. The world feels hollow and wrong. And instead of trying to fix it, all I have been able to do is watch myself sleep and listen to my own breathing.”
Raising her right foreleg, Celestia stomped down onto the bed and her hoof sunk straight through without a sound or any form of resistance from the mattress. Both of us glanced down at her leg which was now fazing partly through the bed. With a thoughtful sound of acknowledgement, the alicorn refocused her attention to me and took another, but no less forceful, step forward through the bed.
“And now you have the nerve to tell me I should not exist?” Venom practically dripped from Celestia as she hissed her question.
Still mad. Still very, very mad. I attempted to scramble even further back, but found my back was already pressed against a cool, wood-like texture. I twisted my neck around to look behind me and discovered; one, as I feared I was already against the headboard, and two, Celestia’s mane does actually suffer from bed-head. Craning my head back around, I was greeted by Celestia’s face directly at eye level with me and only a few inches away from my own. With a yelp I yanked my head back and cracked it against the headboard.
“I’m going to need you to explain quite a few things,” Celestia asked, sounding very… calm? No, there was certainly still an undercurrent of something darker there. Nevertheless, she sounded more like the Celestia I’m more familiar with, or at least when compared to the fury filled god bearing down on me a moment ago. Personally, I'm not going to complain. I prefer Celestia when she's not threatening to rip me apart.
With a hiss, I rubbed at the back of my head and tried to organize my thoughts. However,I didn’t get much time before the door to Celestia’s chambers was kicked in by a pair of guards, one unicorn and one earth pony. Night Guards, I assumed based on their purple and silver armor. The two took up positions on either side of the doorframe. The unicorn's head was high while the earth pony held his lower; both had all of their legs spread apart in a wide stance. Some kind of combat stances, I assumed. The unicorn was lighting up the room with their charged horn and was pointing it in my direction, at first. He swiftly reorientated and aimed away from me when he realized his error.
“Your Highness!” the two shouted as their heads swiveled and searched around the room. “We heard your shout, what’s the situation?”
Celestia easily turned her head around to watch her guards, while I had to crane my neck and lean around the right side of the princess in order to catch either of the guards vision. “What took them so long?” Celestia absently asked aloud, although neither guard reacted to her words.
“Wait, yeah,” I added, “What held you two up? I was shrieking at the top of my lungs a bit ago, and you’re only now getting here?”
Both guards stopped their search to glance at one another. The leftmost guard – the earth pony – nodded at his partner, then at me. The unicorn shrugged slightly and the pair of sentries relaxed. In doing so, the unicorn let the magic building in his horn fade away, returning the room to partial darkness only battled by the moonlight and the orange glow of the candle lit hallway beyond the busted door.
“None of the magic alarms were tripped,” the unicorn explained, “I needed to disengage them before we could enter.”
“Why?” I asked. Again the guards looked at one another, this time with raised brows. Celestia’s groan of frustration and subsequently rubbing her eyes with a wing told me that was a dumb question.
“To prevent the door from exploding in our face?” the earth pony hesitantly responded. The hell kind of alarm is that? I wondered. It sounds more like a trap. “Are you feeling alright, your Highness?”
“I'm not exactly sure. I don't think so?” I shook my head in an attempt to clear the cobwebs quickly forming in my mind. Out of the corner of my eye, the moon caught my attention. Before all this, I occasionally would stargaze after a long day at work believing it helped me relax from a rough day. I flicked my attention fully towards the night sky with a frustrated sigh. Suddenly my eyebrows shot up and an idea formed. I turned to the unicorn and pointed a hoof at him. “Luna’s still awake, yeah? Tell her I need to speak to her. If she asks why, just tell here we have a mutual problem.”
With a stiff salute, the unicorn trotted out the room leaving his companion behind with Celestia and myself. Celestia, might I add, was still standing through the bed and was nearly standing on top of me. I craned my head and neck around to my left to look at the remaining guard. His eyes followed me during the display; confusion and concern wrapped his features as he watched his princess. If Celestia isn’t actually here, then I can only assume I looked rather ridiculous leaning around in the bed as I have been.
“You can go too,” I said. The salute from this guard was far less crisp, in my opinion, and he slowly backed out through the busted door. All while saluting. I have no words to explain how he accomplished something like that while walking with only three legs as a quadruped. It isn't as if he was hopping around either. He just slowly backed away. As soon as the guard rounded the corner, I heard the echo of the guard galloping down the hall. Both Celestia and I remained silent until the hooffalls could no longer be heard. Celestia walked out of the bed – as odd as that may be – and leaned out into the hallway, glancing both ways down the hall. The princess spun around to investigate her bedroom door which now lay damaged on the ground. A weary grimace touched her features before hardening again when she looked back to me. With but a few graceful steps, she returned to the foot of the bed and proceeded to eye me expectantly. Realizing Celestia wanted me to break the silence, I asked the first question that came to mind.
“You boobytrapped your own bedroom door?” Celestia’s ears splayed out at my question. Maybe not the question she expected. But, seriously, how paranoid can you be?
“Let’s just wait until my sister arrives,” she grumbled. “For my sake, I appreciate your quick thinking. Calling on Luna is our best option at the moment. In my current state, I am unable to access my magic reserves and can't deal with this problem myself. For your sake, however, I do wonder how Luna will react to another being possessing the body of her sister.” I could only laugh nervously. Celestia, again, glared at me.
I kept my mouth shut and stared at the bed after that.
Fortunately, our awkward silence was only a short lived few minutes when the soft clicking of several sets of hooves on stone echoed from the hallway. The sensation of my ears swiveling to the sound was odd. Celestia responded to the sound by side stepping to the right of the bed, so as I’d have a clear view of the door directly ahead of me. I apprehensively glanced out the window as the rhythmic sound approached.
Suddenly the moon felt a lot more foreboding than it did before. Rather than dealing with and confronting those thoughts, I turned my attention back to the doorway and took a deep breath. Several shadows started to form on the wall visible through the door and grew larger with each passing moment. I steeled myself with a careful breath for whatever this conversation with Luna was going to entail.
Just outside the door, the shadows stopped as did the sound of hooves.
“Remain here. I shall see what aid my sister requires,” Luna commanded her companions. The shadows again shifted and I heard a pair of voices acknowledge the order.
The first thing to enter the doorway’s view was a mass of stars drifting in the air. The light in the room shifted strangely as if the shadow’s of the room deepened; the effect was reminiscent of unadjusted eyes in the dark. Once Luna fully rounded the corner, the moonlight streaming from the window grew more intense to combat the creeping darkness.
As she strode into the bedroom, Luna’s attention was focused on me clutching the blanket. Her vacant gaze then drifted down to the door laying on the ground and she paused mid-stride. Looking back at me, she craned an eyebrow. I responded with a sheepish smile. With a roll of her eyes, Luna resumed her gait and lifted the door off the ground with her magic to return it to its original position in the frame. The creak of bending and twisting metal filled the room, and my ears instinctively fell flat at the sound. After several agonizing seconds, the sound stopped and Luna tested the door a few times before releasing the door from her magic.
She reattached the door to the hinges? I wondered in awe. How advanced actually is the magic of this place?
“Show off,” Celestia muttered.
“Well, sister. What seems to be the issue?” Luna slightly smiled. I nodded and opened my mouth to respond before I froze. My eyes widened slightly as I finally realized I skipped a very important step before talking to Luna. Celestia picked up on my hesitation immediately.
“You didn’t think of what to say.” Celestia blurted and scoffed. Her words were not so much a question but rather a statement. Mentally scrambling, I stuttered a few times before Celestia interrupted me. “Seriously? We sat here in silence for how long? And you came up with nothing?”
“Okay,” my eye twitched and I finally snapped back, “I didn’t exactly ask for this, you know? You’ve practically been trying to bite my head off since I woke up, meanwhile I’ve been coming to grips with quite a few changes.” Trembling with indignation, I jabbed a hoof towards Celestia. “It doesn’t help to learn that you’re not exactly the kind and gentle soul I’ve been led to believe. Not exactly a stress free environment to suddenly find yourself in!”
“S… sister?” Luna recoiled when I began my tirade with a baffled look strewn across her face. Both Celestia and I ignored the younger alicorn as our attentions were locked squarely on one another.
“So it is my fault that I haven’t been accommodating to the creature inhabiting my body? How about you get lost in a desert, then you can tell me how ‘gentle’ the sun really is,” Celestia spat. “I am ever so sorry for panicking at the very thought of watching Equestria fall to a false royal. Again.”
“Oh, get off your high horse. This little fit of yours has been a part of the issue since I woke up,” I quipped. “Don’t you go and push all of this on me!”
“Fit? Fit?!” Celestia scoffed and tossed her head back to laugh dryly. “Please, if you want to see a Princess throw a real fit, travel back in time a thousand years.”
“Really?!” I recoiled at her words. “You convinced people that you’re the motherly, peace-loving leader of Equestria? What absolute bull–”
“Sister!” Luna bellowed with a voice that shook the room. In an instant, the world moved by in a blur and I found myself face first into the bed shivering in fear.
“You’re bowing?” Celestia cried and covered her face with a wing. “I’m never going to hear the end of that from her now.”
“Sister, what in Equestria is going on here?” Luna demanded. “First, I am pulled from the dreamscape by a guard reporting you woke up in a panic whilst claiming we have some breed of ‘mutual problem’ to solve. And what do I see when I get here? Your chamber door off its hinges and you ranting at shadows.” She flicked a wing at both the door and towards Celestia.
“So tell me,” Luna rounded to my left and rested a wing on my back. I stiffened at the touch, which seemed to surprise Luna and she pulled away. After a momentary hesitation, Luna exhaled and I felt my ears drop. “What is the problem, Tia?” Luna asked with concern.
Slowly, I pulled my face out from the bed only to be stopped as I realized my horn was now impaled through the mattress. After a few unsuccessful tugs, I leaned forward into the bed again. I repositioned myself as best I could with my unwieldy new limbs for one final push off the bed to release my horn.
“Sister, just use your–'' I cut Luna off with one last push. I could hear the fabric rip as I yanked my head free. Unfortunately, the force I used sent me tumbling uncontrollably backwards into the headboard again. The back of my head again bounced off the wood and I yowled in a mix of both surprise and pain. Both of my forelegs flung up to wrap the back of my head as I slowly slumped down the headboard and ended up lying flat on my back, yet again.
“Tia!” Luna yelped at my plight.
“You’re going to give me a concussion at this rate, you know,” Celestia sighed. Don’t tempt me.
I groaned in frustration. This was just not my day so far. With a gunt I flipped over onto my left to glare at Luna.
“Alright. I’ve had my lack of fun. You’re going to need to fix this,” I paused to jab a hoof into Luna’s chest. Her eyes flipped for a moment down before returning back to my eyes. “I’m going to just speed through all the information you need. One; I am not Celestia. Two; I don’t know why I am here in place of her. Three; your sister won’t stop berating me every moment she can and I’m getting sick of it.”
A lull overtook us and I let my hoof drop and hang limply over the bedside. Luna blinked a few times at me.
“What?” Luna gawked. Both Celestia and I groaned in response. “If this is some outlandish attempt to ‘sleep in’, as our subjects refer to it, then I am afraid that I will not allow it. Sunrise is in less than an hour.”
“Luna, please,” both Celestia and I exclaimed which caused us to trade glares at one another. I shook my head and fixed my gaze back on Luna. “I know it’s wild, but it’s the truth. I may look like your sister and sound like your sister, but I’m not. Last night I went to sleep in my own bed – in my own body, for that matter – and now here I am as Celestia.”
“Do you have some proof that you are not actually my sister?” Luna hummed and chortled slightly as a wry smile slowly spread across her face.
“And you expect me to do that… how, exactly?”
“You will figure it out,” Luna ruffled my mane and began trotting away while still chuckling to herself. “I shall wait for you on my balcony when you are ready to raise the sun.”
I flopped onto my back in resignation. Okay. So now I need to raise the sun. Wonderful. If Twilight could figure it out without any prior training on how to do it, so can I! I deliberated with myself. Of course, she’s also a magical prodigy. So maybe not the best comparison. Maybe I can refuse to raise the sun? What’s Luna going to do, banish me to the moon? Actually, would I go to the moon in that case, or would Celestia? Or both of us? Do I even want to know? No. No, I don’t think I could spend much more time with–
“Discord.” I raised my head off the mattress to look at Celestia who regarded me with a vacant stare. “Get Luna to bring Discord here. I believe he’ll see straight through this and start sorting this mess out.”
“That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” with a pained sigh I pulled myself up again. At this point, I really just wanted to lie down and not think about anything. “Bringing Discord in on this would be like trying to put out a fire with moonshine.”
“What now, sister?” Luna flippantly swung around with an exhausted leer.
“Your sister wants me to convince you to summon Discord here,” I explained. “I’m telling her it’s an awful idea.”
“Tia, please,” Luna wailed while rubbing her eyes with a wing. “This joke grows old, ‘tis late.”
“Still not a joke,” I felt my shoulders slump as I surveyed the hole I inadvertently put in the bed. “Seriously, Luna, can you see if this is some crazy nightmare I’m trapped in? Or maybe check if another Tantabus is running loose? Then again, if either of those are the case, that would mean you’re likely not even the real Luna.”
“Another what?” Celestia questioned.
“Another what?” Luna demanded. I looked up to see Luna gawking at me. I risked a quick glimpse at Celestia who merely observed her sister’s reaction with curiosity. “I never mentioned the Tantabus to you. The Element Bearers agreed to keep the events of that night a secret between us.”
“That’s because you never did mention it to Celestia,” I breathed a sigh of relief. We’re finally getting somewhere with this.
Luna studied me with a piercing gaze for several long moments before beginning a slow, methodical pace back and forth around the bed like an animal on the prowl. A few beads of sweat formed on my forehead and I couldn’t help but squirm in place. Are all alicorns capable of being this terrifying, or is it just these two?
“Let us assume you speak the truth and are not my sister,” Luna mused as she continued to stalk around the bed. “If you are not Celestia, then you are likely one of two things. A changeling, or an entity that has replaced her mind. You claim to be able to communicate with my sister and, thus far, you have repeatedly argued with shadows in the corner of this room where nothing exists. Yet you still act as if there is something there, albeit something I am unable to perceive.
“This is in line with my own experiences with the being that calls itself Nightmare Moon,” she paused to stare longingly at the moon and then, after a quick glimpse into the opposite corner from Celestia, returned her attention to me. “However, that does not dismiss the idea that you could be a changeling. Despite improved relations with King Thorax, our own knowledge of the ‘hivemind’ their species possesses is still rather limited. Perhaps you were caught conversing with this ‘hivemind’ and are attempting to pass it off?
“Fortunately, Equestria has developed several spells and various tests to identify a changeling,” Luna stopped her pace and turned to face me directly. “However, in this instance, I have a personal method I prefer.”
“Should I be worried about that?” I flicked my eyes to Celestia who refused to answer my question with a smirk. A light emanating from Luna’s horn shifted my focus back to her. I inhaled sharply as Luna roared up on her hind legs with glowing eyes pure white. A crack of thunder caused me to jump in my seat. I whipped my head to the window. Storm clouds were spinning above and lightning jumped from cloud to cloud. The force of the howling wind shook the window so violently I was afraid the fixture would break apart. Interestingly, the raging storm did not extend far; the eye of the storm seemed to swirl directly above the bedroom. I turned back to Luna just in time to see her bring her hooves down to the floor. Another powerful roar of thunder sounded and the room was struck by a blinding flash of light. Reflexively, my eyes slammed shut as I yelped in surprise.
After a pause, I felt the bed sink a bit as if a weight was placed on the end. Tentatively I opened an eye to find a patchwork creature wearing a blue and white striped pajama set snoring lightly. Discord stirred slightly before curling up into a loose ball, still asleep.
Well, alright then.
Blinking the remnants of Luna's light show out of my eyes, I took turns glancing at Luna and Celestia. Both of whom wore an unimpressed stare directed towards me. Or to Discord. Probably both of us, actually. At some point, my forelegs ended up wrapped around my head. I chuckled nervously as I untangled myself from beneath their gaze.
With a roll of her eyes, Luna lit her horn as magic channeled through it and Discord was lifted from the bed. I watched the draconequus float in the air for a moment before slowly drifting over the left edge of the bed; his arms and legs dangling beneath him. Releasing her magic, the light from Luna’s horn vanished and Discord flopped to the floor. A cry of surprise accompanied various otherworldly sounds escaping from Discord as he writhed around on the ground. After a moment, he caught sight of Luna standing over him with a wry smile. Off in the corner, Celestia was giggling to herself convincing me she actually enjoyed seeing others in pain.
“Oh,” Discord groaned before snapping his fingers. With a popping noise that echoed off the stone walls and a quick burst of light, he vanished from the floor and reappeared standing sans his sleeping attire. “Do you have any idea what time it is, Luna? I realize you’re one of the two ponies who actually defines what time is, but some of us have a schedule to maintain.” Pulling on his neck, he peeled his serpentine torso away and pulled out a pocket watch.
“Are you to blame for this?” Luna asked, ignoring Discord’s antics.
“Back to blaming me for various everyday issues again, are we? I have no idea what you could be referring to,” Discord tossed the watch behind him and let his torso snap back into position. “Really now, I thought we were past this. I know Celestia and I are.”
Celestia sighed and rubbed the sides of her head with her wings. I snorted at her plight. Discord whipped his head toward me.
“Ah, speak of the devil,” Discord snapped his fingers again and vanished again. He reappeared on my right with one of his arms around my shoulders. Discord roughly pulled us together so our heads pressed against one another. “See? Best of friends, us.”
“Yeah, going to put my foot down here and stop this before it gets out of control,” I said as I pushed Discord off of me. His smirk didn’t waver, although one of his eyebrows did raise.
“‘Put your foot down’? What an odd expression for a pony to-” Discord cut himself off leaving his mouth open mid-sentence. He blinked a few times before squinting and snapping his fingers, vanishing and reappearing wearing a stereotypical doctors’ coat. “Hold still.” He grabbed the sides of my head and pulled me towards him. A magnifying glass materialized in his clawed hand and started peering into my left eye with it.
“I don’t think doctors use–” I tried to speak, but Discord decided he didn't want to hear anything I had to say as his tail wrapped tightly around my muzzle.
“Shush you. The doctor is at work. Wouldn’t want any accidents while I’m working on your eyes now, would we?” Discord continued to glance around my eye for a moment before switching to the other. The draconequus hummed and hawed his way through his impromptu examination. Satisfied with his search, he pulled back and stroked his chin. Despite taking a step away, his tail remained secured around my mouth. A final low and extended hum escaped his throat. Luna glanced between the two of us a few times before speaking up.
“Am I to assume you had nothing to do with this, then?”
“An astute observation, nurse,” with a snap of his fingers, Discord transformed Luna’s crown and regalia into a nurses' cap and outfit. With a squawk of dismay, Luna magically ripped the hat off and scowled at Discord who ignored her display. “Our patient here seems to have come down with a very interesting case of ‘multidimensional body displacement’.”
Luna and Celestia simultaneously replied with an unimpressed “What?” I attempted to join in, but my mouth was still bound.
“Yes,” Discord mused, “‘Multidimensional body displacement’, a very rare condition. So rare, in fact, that this is the first case of it I have ever personally seen. Not only that, I only just decided the name of it. I expect proper recognition for my addition to medical science,” With another snap of his fingers teleported to the other side of the room; between Luna and Celestia. Simultaneously, Luna’s crown reappeared on her head and the nurse outfit vanished. After clearing his throat, Discord spread his arms wide, “But, fear not, my friends. I have a solution.”
“And that is?” I hastily asked. The sooner we get this done, the sooner I go home. Or at least away from this craziness.
“With just a snap of my fingers, I can return Celestia to her body,” said alicorn sighed in relief.
“What would then happen to the entity inhabiting my sister?” Luna stepped in front of Discord. “I assume they will no longer harm anypony else?”
“I’m right here, you know,” I interjected. “Haven’t hurt anything or anyone.”
“My bed, my bedroom door, and the back of my head would disagree,” I sneered at Celestia who smiled with a mocking wave.
“Probably,” Discord shrugged in response to Luna whose glare returned at the lackadaisical answer. “Their consciousness has to replace something, hence ‘displacement’ in the name. They could end up as another pony, or a rock, or even a tree.” With yet another snap of his fingers he excitedly grinned at me, “Now that’s an idea. You could become Equestria’s first Ent! How exciting for you!”
“Wait, hold on–” I started to speak, but a sudden burst of light cut me off. The flashbang-like effect blinded me and left an intense ringing in my ear. I felt my whole body twist and pull in various directions as if I was trapped in the current of a river. All the while, various sensations and feelings left me. The warmth of the bed and chill of the night air disappeared as did the light scent of flowers that had filled the air of Celestia’s bedroom. I didn't even notice the smell until after it was gone.
My vision slowly faded back in, and I found myself still in Celestia’s bedroom although I now stood off in the corner, where Celestia once was. The ringing in my ears slowly tapered off as I tried to gather my bearings. Looking down, I saw my hands and I flexed them for a moment. Distressingly though, I felt no sensation of skin on skin. Rather than curl into a fist, my fingers phased through my own hands. I’d say the hair on the back of my neck stood up at that, but I wasn't able to feel it if they did. On the plus side, it seems whatever process Discord used to split Celestia and I up somehow put me back into my pajamas I had been wearing last night; a pair of reliable sweatpants and a worn out pocket tee. At the very least, I wasn't going to be a naked ghost walking around. I'll take any small victories at this point.
“Was that necessary? What if I had further questions, for both you and it? I never even asked for a name!” Luna’s growl brought me back down to reality in time to see her press a hoof into one of his shoulders. Discord nervously laughed and stepped back as he mumbled an apology.
A light moan from the bed ended the spat between the two immortals.
“Tia?” Luna’s voice quivered as she hastened next to Celestia’s stirring form. “How do you feel? Are you in control of yourself?”
From the bed, Celestia sat up. Arching her back, she raised her head back and flared out her wings, a satisfied sigh slipped free during her stretch before relaxing into a sitting position against the dented headboard. Celestia settled her attention on Luna, a smile etched on her face.
“Yes, sister. Whatever it was that held my body hostage is gone,” Celestia’s voice sounded different than when I was using it. Serene and welcoming; a stark contrast to my anxious shouting. Celestia shifted her focus to Discord and nodded. “Thank you, Discord. I admit, I wasn’t quite sure if you would have helped or not. I’m thankful that you did.”
“Yes, well. I do what I can,” Discord replied with a bow.
“Do you know where it ended up?” Celestia asked. I’d sure like to know too, seeing as she doesn’t seem to react to me showing her my middle finger, so I’m at least not in her head. Thankfully.
“Not a lick, I’m sorry to say,” Discord stepped forward and, with an exaggerated stretch of his own, yawned. “Now, I really do need to get my beauty rest. Chaos is rough on the complexion, you know.”
“I should go too,” Luna nodded, “The castle is sure to be wondering what happened tonight. I shall put their minds at ease. I will lower the moon from my balcony when the time comes, sister.” Luna shared a light hug with her sister before trotting out of the room. As she passed, I felt an odd sensation pulling me to follow. Once the door shut, the moonlight lost some of its intensity.
“How odd,” Discord pondered, “it still seems rather dark in here. Normally the room brightens up when she leaves. Ah well.” With a shrug, the draconequus waved at Celestia. “Ta-ta, Tia.” With a snap of his claws, Discord popped out of existence yet again and did not reappear.
After a pause, the bedroom door imploded off its hinges.
Over the crackle of burning wood, I heard Celestia snort in amusement before breaking into a fit of laughter and plopping back into bed. I watched in silent horror as Celestia continued to cackle and lightly kick the air. I wonder if she was always this crazy and it just never came across in the show. I shook my head and finally adhered to the uneasy tugging feeling that had been plaguing me.
My first few steps were awkward; my legs felt weightless and threatened to fall through the floor. With no sensation of my foot touching the floor – which, yes, was also bewilderingly made of marble – and the lack of footsteps, walking felt unnatural and wrong. Unable to tell when my ghostly foot touched the floor, I ended up shuffling my feet to move around.
Entering the hallway, I spotted several guards staring at the remains of the imploded door that embedded into the wall opposite it. After a moment, they all rushed through me into Celestia’s quarters.
She really did boobytrap her own bedroom. I silently laughed to myself. The further away from Celestia’s bedroom I got, the more my eyesight finally began returning to normal and the glow from the lit sconces adorning the hallway flickered with their proper intensity.
It didn’t take long for me to find the source of the pulling feeling. All I had to do was follow a few hallways until I found a door where the tug was strongest. After literally passing through a closed door – which was as odd a sensation as it sounds – I found Luna was standing in the center of a private study. In contrast to the marble nightmare that was Celestia's bedroom, the natural wood tone of the floor and dark blue painted walls were comforting. Bookshelves lined the walls and a pair of massive cushions sat in the middle of the room next to Luna. The ceiling was even a massive star chart. Although, none of that was what Luna was interested in.
Luna’s eyes jumped from a lit candle, which she held in her magical grasp, then to a corner of the room. The corner was darkened by the lack of light, but I noted the shadows did not seem as rich as the ones in Celestia’s bedroom. She repeated the motion several times before tilting her head.
“Strange…” the mare muttered to herself. After a moment, Luna turned around and froze. I looked behind me and only saw the shut door I phased through. When I turned back around, Luna was still paralyzed in place and was breathing irregularly.
“I take it, you can see me then?” Luna slowly nodded and I sighed. Looks like this endless morning continues.
"Thou art…" Luna cut herself off with a cough before, carefully, starting over. "You are the entity that occupied Celestia?"
Skepticism and curiosity gripped Luna as she studied my alien form. Seeing as we now stood mostly eye to eye, and with the added advantage of improved lighting of the study, I too studied my counterpart. Fortunately, Luna’s labored breathing ceased and relaxed. I would have hated myself for accidentally giving her a heart attack, or something like that. Without the deep shadows that plagued Celestia’s bedroom, I noticed the bags under Luna’s inquisitive eyes. I assumed the cause being a combination of an already long night compounded by the bizarre circumstances surrounding Celestia and myself. Feeling tired myself, I decided to end the silence between us.
“I really, really don’t want to go through this whole process again. You seem exhausted. I’m mentally drained. What do you say to dealing with this later?”
After glancing down in thought for a moment, Luna relaxed and nodded again.
“Yes, that is acceptable.” the relief in her voice was evident and appreciative.
“I feel we’re going to get along a lot better than my last roommate,” I chuckled. Surprisingly Luna did as well. "Although, I thought Discord said my consciousness would replace something else?"
“I, too, think you will be far better company than my other companion,” Luna smiled. “Wherever it is they went. They have yet to make their presence known since we left Tia’s room.” After a brief pause, both Luna and I came to the same conclusion.
“Not my fuckin’ problem,” I said.
“Twilight can handle them again, if she must,” Luna agreed.