//------------------------------// // Chapter Seven but Jim kidnaps construction workers to build a yacht // Story: Dear Leader but He's In Equestria // by RickAndMicrophone //------------------------------// Secretary had called the authorities to deal with the crime scene. Many paramedics and the Elements of Harmony had arrived, being informed of the incident. Many of the hours that passed involved ponies having to clean up the pile of glass shards to get to the mayor. By the time they got to her, she had already passed on. Meanwhile, the Elements of Harmony were interrogating two suspects at the crime scene. They were not convinced that Jim and Turg weren't at fault, despite Secretary accurately claiming they just sat there. Eventually, the whole interrogation led to the elements all bursting into tears, finally convinced Jim and Turg were not guilty. In case you're wondering, Jim sung Hot N Cold by Katy Perry this time. When the whole scene was cleared, Turg and Jim had finally finished the boring paperwork. "Sorry about the... several inconveniences," said Secretary. "In a few weeks, you two will officially be Equestrian citizens." Jim Pickens, hungry for political power and all, had asked the obvious question. "That's great and all, but who's going to be mayor now?" "I am," Secretary stated. "There was a law passed countrywide stating that the mayor's secretary would become the new mayor of the city if the mayor were to be deceased." "What if the mayor doesn't have a secretary?" Jim asks. "By law, the mayor has to pick somepony to be their secretary. I don't know anypony, so I'm going to have some difficulty picking a secretary and I can't do that due to the investigation surrounding the assassination of the mayor. If hypothetically speaking, I were to have designed the room, which I didn't because I was a filly..." Jim raised an eyebrow. "You mean you've been her secretary since you were a feckin' child?" "I'm actually her second secretary because the first one retired due to old age," she responded. "Anyways, they would have to elect a new mayor if I was guilty of assassinating her, so I wouldn't be able to pick a secretary." "Why did you feel the need to-" "Some of the Elements of Harmony think I killed her on purpose," Secretary growled. "I seriously thought that chandelier hanging by a thread was just some weird decoration and I didn't even know the bucket was there." "Secretary kill?" Turg asked, still trying to figure out what the hell was happening. "No, I did not assassinate the mayor!" Grinding teeth could be heard. With the conversation being directed towards the concept of an assassination, the Dear Leader adds his two cents without realizing. "Even though I clearly did not assassinate your mayor, I would've tried to kill the fecker if there wasn't already a trap set, using her empty seat to get closer to overthrowing this diarchy." "Turg," came a more thought-provoking opinion for English teachers to look at in awe. Mayor Secretary looks at Jim with an 'I'm interested'-type look, "I take it that your species is power-hungry, huh?" "No, just me," Jim honestly told. "Especially considering the rulers around here are biased against me until I start singing my beautiful songs." "And you're telling the mayor of Ponyville all of this?" Jim smiled at the pony he felt was powerless. "What the feck are ya gonna do? Give me more paperwork?" "Yeah. If you want to be a secretary, there's more paperwork to do," the pony smirked. "...what the hell are ya on about?" After listening to the whole spontaneous rant, Jim just sat in Secretary's old office, an expression of amazement on his face. As usual, Turg didn't understand. Luckily Jim spoke Turg, so he translated as the new mayor spoke. "That's a feckin' weird backstory," Jim commented. "Turg yes understand." "So your father was a construction worker who built the mayor's office to intentionally assassinate her because he had a relationship with her and she dumped him. You decided to become the secretary's apprentice in order to eventually become her next secretary, knowing the first secretary was growing old and you'd be her replacement. You tried to find out from your father where the whole 'assassination mechanism' is, but he was thrown in prison for some unrelated assault. Essentially, you used your father's insanity to your advantage to gain political power." "That about sums it up, Jim," Secretary affirmed. "You're not gonna squeal about this, are ya?" "Why the feck would I squeal? I also want political power," Jim said. I mean, what else was he supposed to say? Chatter arose near the town hall building. Very few ponies were aware of the "accident". Whether the term is applicable or not is up for debate. When Mayor Mare's secretary came up to the podium, the chatter only grew louder and confusion arose. "Can I have everypony's attention?" Immediately, Secretary had found multiple pairs of eyes staring at her, waiting for her to begin her speech. "I regret to inform you all that Mayor Mare has been killed in what authorities believe was a planned assassination." A collective gasp was heard and the citizens started chattering again. "I'm not done yet," the secretary barked before continuing. "The authorities have a few suspects that they believe were involved in the murder. I am one of these suspects only because I am her understudy, so I'm going to be the mayor until the investigation comes to a close. I am confident in my innocence, so I'm likely going to remain mayor after the investigation is over." The chattering starts back up. "In other news," the secretary said, grabbing the attention of the citizens back. "The Elements of Harmony and the princesses are aware of three creatures of unknown species known as Jim Pickens, Turg, and Kevin. Their current opinion on the matter is that these three creatures are harmless, but there's still much debate on the matter." While Mayor Secretary's speech was going on, Jim and Turg were still in her old office, as she feared the public might have a negative reception of them. Suddenly, the plumbob appeared above Jim's head again. It explained its return. "Apparently, I don't have enough footage to make it past the 10-minute mark. I blame past Kevin. The feckin' idiot! Anyways, what did I miss?" "Well, several horses interrogated me again, Turg and I did a lot of boring paperwork to become citizens, and the mayor was killed in a freak accident involving a chandelier." "Okay, so I didn't miss much," Kevin said. ... ... ... "You killed the mayor?" Kevin said in shock. "Why the feck didn't you do that when I was here? It would've made for great content." "It was a freak accident," Jim repeated. "Ah, I get it. 'Freak accident.' Your secret's safe with me, Jim." "It was actually a freak accident. I had nothing to do with it. I really wish I did." "Well, if you aren't going to kill anything yourself, then I'll have to do it for content." Kevin groaned. "Kevin, they're smarter than the average Sim. I don't think it'll be a great idea." Kevin ignored the cult leader. "Nonsense, Jim. Just because they have smarts doesn't mean they won't be able to drown." "Okay, maybe the old 'ladderless pool' trick will work on them," Jim acknowledged. "That's a big maybe, Kevin. If it doesn't work we'll have to explain ourselves." "Free pool for the town?" "Such a genius explanation. I am now 100% in favor of this plan." Kevin zoomed out of the town hall building to encounter a huge crowd of ponies listening to another pony's speech. "Ooh, there's a large crowd out here." Then Kevin struck by casually building a pool around 30 or so of the ponies in the crowd. They were shocked at first, but after a few seconds they calmed down... and I mean that literally. Nopony died. The ponies just swam out of the pool and joined the crowd. "It seems somepony built a pool for us out of nowhere," Secretary commented. "That's a weird place to put a pool, but the gift is much appreciated." Kevin was in close enough range to hear this and the applause that came afterward. "You were right. They are feckin' intelligent," Kevin admitted. "Exactly," Jim agreed. "You know how hard it's gonna be for me to take over their country?" "I mean you're technically the richest fecker here so far," Kevin argued. "You know that saying about money and power." "I thought it was just common sense." "Turg." "This Turg guy has such a way with words," Kevin shook his head... I mean nobody saw him do it, but he definitely did it. "Anyways, we can just pay people to let us rule the land." "I don't think the princesses will take my money. I think they have this thing called 'morals'." Turg, who is just happy to be there, points to Mayor Secretary walking in. "Turg see pony! Turg see pony!" "Thank you Turg," she said. "Somepony built a pool and scared some of the citizens. Luckily, they all could swim so it's not that big of a deal... aaaaaand there's a green gem floating above your head, Jim." "Hey there, friend. My name is Kevin-" SLAM!!! "You have paperwork to do, Kevin," the new mayor replied. "Feck," Kevin said, a little pissed off. "I thought video games were supposed to be a distraction from life." "This is real life, Kevin," Secretary said. "Actually, never mind! There's an autofill feature." Suddenly the paperwork was filled with accurate information. Mayor Secretary grabbed the complete paperwork and filed it with the others, not even caring about the ridiculous speed in which it was filled out. "I wish I had this godly 'autofill feature' Kevin does," Jim said with great jealousy of his creator. "Now that the paperwork is done, I need to speak with the three of you," the mayor said. "I overheard Princess Celestia talking to the Elements of Harmony wielders or whatever they call themselves and it turns out that there's some previously undiscovered land on this planet to the west of here found by some scientists. Isn't that interesting?" "I want to conquer this land," Jim declared on impulse. "It will be easier to overthrow your government with colonialism." "Jim you idiot!" Kevin accused. "Why the feck did you say that in front of the pony?!?" "We have created an alliance. Her father had a plan to assassinate the mayor because she was an ex of his," explained Jim. "Turg," Turg also explained. "Turg explained it way better than you did Jim. Anyways, how the feck are we gonna get to this land?" "We can buy a yacht to travel the ocean," Jim suggested. "What the hay is a yacht?" asked Secretary. "Is that like a boat or something?" "We can build a yacht to travel the ocean," Jim corrected himself. "It'll be the very first yacht on this planet too." "Ok, but how are we gonna build it without some blueprints." Suddenly, Kevin's game paused. Hey, it's me again. I'll give you blueprints if you type 'yachtblueprint' in the cheat console. - Your corrupted Sims 4 game After he typed in the cheat, Kevin's game unpaused. "I have the blueprints right here," Jim said, waving the new yacht blueprints around. "And since I'm rich as feck, I can get several paid 'volunteers' to build this yacht." "Mr. Pickens," a hired pony bulider catches his attention while he sits on a beach chair eating breadsticks. "Are you sure you need all this material for this... yak-hut?" "Where else am I supposed to put all my money and hired construction team?" "But Mr. Pickens, wouldn't all of us construction workers will be cramped on the yak-hut if you only leave this small amount of space for us?" "It's actually pronounced yacht." "Yes, but what about space for the workers." "Kevin," Jim called out as the green gem started to move towards him. Yes, we're using the "corrupted Sims 4 game" excuse for that. "We got a free-thinker on our hands." "Continue building the yacht," Kevin instructed the builder. "Any complaints can be sent to the complaint box." "But it shreds the complaints," the builder... complained, pointing towards a sign saying, "Complaint Box" with a shredder underneath it. "Then quit complaining unless you want to become a complaint yourself." The builder walked away, helping a friend of his construct the weird boat with a weird name. "Why are we doing this again?" he asked the fried. "To appease the Dear Leader," the more intelligent construction worker replied. "You're not making any sense." "He's paying us a lot of bits. If we suck up to him, he'll double that money." The now informed pony understood. "ALL HAIL JIM PICKENS!" ALL HAIL JIM PICKENS!!! "Holy feck, we already have an army." "Apparently, horsies and humans are very much alike," Jim explained. "If you give them enough money they'll do whatever the feck you want them to. Also, I'm pretty sure construction tools can be used as dangerous weapons. These workers will be useful for future endeavors." "How did you get hundreds of ponies to build this 'yacht' for you?" Secretary said shocked. "Loads of money," came the obvious answer. "I have effectively created an army." "Wow," Secretary looked on in amazement. "I wish I could go with you, but I have mayor stuff to do. How long until they're done." "Exactly five minutes and 34 seconds," Kevin responded, noting the timer that sat there that looked suspiciously like those timers in those mobile apps where you have to wait a long time to do things. Exactly five minutes and 34 seconds later... "You feckin' liar," Jim scolded his creator. "It took them exactly 5 minutes 34 seconds and 123 milliseconds." Shaking his head at the green gem's stupidity, he takes out a megaphone and makes an announcement to the now idle cult members construction workers. "Alright, I want everyone on the yacht. We will be the first Irish-" "Equestrian," shouted a construction pony. "You are all Irish now," Kevin shouted back. "Do you want your payment or not?" "Okay!" "We will be the first Irish ponies to cross into this undiscovered land. Anybody that doesn't go into the yacht will not receive payment for their services." "Anypony," the construction pony corrected. "That's what I said," Jim retorted. "B-but didn't you just say..." "You're fired. Take some raw pufferfish on your way out." "So, where is this undiscovered island the new mayor was talking about?" asked the one construction worker forced to drive the yacht. Turg was looking at the map that the mayor had given him. "Turg." "He said we should go west for a few hundred kilometers," Jim translated while offering the driver a breadstick. "I already ate." "You just lost 10,000 bits an hour." "Besides, the Dear Leader should be given all the breadsticks." "Forget I said anything." The construction worker sighed in relief, but noticed something in front of him. “I think I see another ship.” “Pirates?” inquired Jim. “I can't tell,” replied the construction worker. “I'm merely a construction worker that kind of knows how to maneuver a yak-hut.” “False alarm,” Kevin assured. “It's just another ship full of ponies. It's also headed towards the island. Go around it.” They went around the ship. Jim looked on and noticed Twilight Sparkle was on board along with the rest of the Elements of Harmony and some other ponies with some sort of armor. Twilight turned her head just in time to meet the human's gaze. “Jim?” Twilight shouted, grabbing the attention of several ponies aboard the ship as they walked toward where Twilight was pointing. The aftermath reaction of her discovery would not be witnessed by Jim as the yacht sped toward its destination much faster than their own ship. Jim turned toward the gem floating above him. “We must be quick with dealing with this island, Kevin. Best-case scenario there are weak inhabitants on that island to rule over. Worst-case scenario they end up becoming enemies of yours truly.” “I have a feeling it's the best-case scenario,” Kevin predicted. “This world you were abducted into feels like a children's cartoon. They're probably very tolerant.” “I think children think I'm a villain,” Jim argued. “Fair point. This could go either way.” “Land ho!” shouted the yacht driver. “Great, now the plan can move forward,” the Dear Leader smiled. “Also, that cliché line docked your pay by 1,000 bits an hour.” “Understood, Dear Leader,” replied the construction worker. “Jim. It seems like at least fifty of your crew has perished. Either that or the rest of the crew is trying to drown them,” Kevin alerted Jim. “A bunch of ponies have been outed as traitors, Dear Leader,” shouted a construction worker that ran towards the bow. “All have been forced to walk the plank.” “Tell them they're all fired and provide them with complementary raw pufferfish,” Jim ordered. “Leave them on the island if they make it to shore.” The construction worker nodded going back to where the totally not cramped crew was and getting the pufferfish. Before Jim could order around any more ponies, an inhabitant of the island that looked like a human walked toward the yacht. “We were unaware of any living creatures beyond this island,” the inhabitant explained. “Are you here to discuss foreign policy?” “Yes,” Jim said enthusiastically. “Take us to your leader.” “Turg.” Jim, Kevin, Turg, and the hundreds of paid construction workers that have not defected arrived to a stony castle. It was seemingly not as nice as the one that the ponies had, which Jim would hopefully change with his construction crew if he could overthrow this government. Reaching the throne room, they notice another human-like creature. After noting the appearance, Jim was actually considering discussing foreign policy instead of just killing the leader, as he looked oddly familiar. “Your majesty,” announced the resident of the island. “There are creatures who claim to be from another land that wish to discuss foreign policy.” “Bring them forth,” their majesty ordered. The resident walked away as a swarm of ponies along with the humans walked toward the king. “Welcome to Fecktopia,” the ruler greeted. “I'm Lord Jim Pickett the First. I am king of this island. What country are you from?” “That's a wonderful name. My name is Jim Pickens. Very similar to yours,” Jim Pickens replied, now pointing to the army behind him. “I am known as the Dear Leader of these construction workers. I am planning on expanding my reach in my homeland. If we form an alliance against Equestria, I will give you a section of land to rule over once I overthrow my homeland's government.” “And what makes you certain you will be able to do so,” inquired Lord Pickett, stroking his beard. “Hey there. My name is Kevin. I am God.” “Alright, I am convinced. Are we to go to war with this country you are rebelling?” “Not at the moment,” Pickens said. “The inhabitants are smarter than I thought. I believe their most powerful political figures are here to try to convince you to ally with them.” “Turg,” Turg explained. “The disfigured creature is right,” Lord Pickett nodded. “We can discuss this further while I give you a tour of the land I rule.” “I created this land,” Kevin replied. “I am very familiar with it.” Princess Luna still didn't know what to make of this odd trio. She was told by her sister that Jim himself had been brought here by her own magic. Her sister is the sole reason for Jim being here. Despite admitting to this, her sister also denies any knowledge of the origins of Kevin the green gem and Turg the... Turg. However, Jim and Turg claimed they were all harmless. Suddenly, Princess Celestia burst in. “Sister,” she shouted. Luna turned to her. “What is it?” “Twilight sent me a letter saying Jim rode a faster ship to the undiscovered island along with Kevin, Turg, and a whole crew of ponies.” Luna raised an eyebrow. “Why would they try to explore the island themselves? It could be dangerous. And where did they even get the crew?” “I don't know, but Twilight is worried that Jim might accidentally get somepony killed, because he was there to witness Mayor Mare's death,” Celestia replied. “She thinks his species might have some sort of 'bad luck' magic, but she hasn't scanned him yet.” “That sounds plausible, but nopony else has died when near him,” Luna argued. “Besides, why did you cast such a dangerous spell to bring such a creature here aware of the potential consequences?" “Well, I knew you always wanted a pet and I had Philomena, so I tried to conjure up an exotic creature, even if it ended up being from an alternate reality.” Princess Luna chuckled. “That's very thoughtful, sister. Not well thought out, but thoughtful nonetheless.” “Luckily, I was able to find a creature more suitable of a pet than Jim,” Celestia said, levitating an odd looking mouse with clothes toward her sister. The mouse looked at the princess of the night and casually waved. “I'll leave you two alone,” Celestia smiled, as she closed the door. The mouse introduced himself. “Hi. I'm Stuart Little.” “Oh great,” Luna rolled her eyes. “My sister got another creature that can talk.” Stuart just chuckled. “Who's this other creature?” “Jim Pickens,” Princess Luna sighed. “Somehow, he summoned two other creatures named Kevin and Turg.” Stuart looked at the princess wide-eyed. “Did this Kevin have an Irish accent?” “I don't know, but Jim Pickens said 'feck' a lot.” Stuart's eyebrows sloped inward. “Are you friends with Kevin?” he asked, emphasizing the word “friends” with venom. “No,” Luna said. “I don't think we are.” “Good,” Stuart said, his eyebrows relaxing. “Because there's something I have to tell you about that Irishman and his allies.”