//------------------------------// // The Evil League of Evil // Story: The Spy Who Hugged Me // by GaPJaxie //------------------------------// A request by KMCA: Changelings, Sirens and Windigo's have been in a shadow war for the ability to feed on Equestria, a pony discovers one of their battlegrounds. Inside a shadowy conference room, inside a menacing corporate skyscraper, which was itself inside a black arcane spire, which was itself built within the borders of an evil empire, nine figures sat. “Ruining friendships is not enough,” Chrysalis said, pounding her hoof on the dramatically lit onyx table. “The ponies must adore us so that we may feast on their love!” “Love? Don’t me laugh,” Adagio Dazzle, still in her human form, let out a dismissive breath, and flicked her fingers as though to brush Chrysalis away. “Love is unstable. Inconsistent. Rare. Chaos and disharmony on the other hand… sorry,” she chuckled, “the other hoof, are easy to come by and persistent. A far better source of power. We should turn the ponies against each other.” “Yeah!” said Sonata Dusk. Adding, “Evil music is the worst, which means it’s the best.” The purple one was there too, whatever her name was. She didn’t say anything, but the shadowy room did make her look very sinister. “This proposal is not aggressive enough for the windigos,” said Aanakamigishkaang, the Windigo Queen, one of three. “I say, we invade Canterlot and Manehatten. The changelings can suck out their love until only hate remains, and with that hate, we cast them into eternal frost!” “And ruin three years of good public relations?” Thorax asked. “We’ve got the ponies tricked into thinking I’m a nice changeling. Did you know that in some of their polls, I’m voted Best Princess?” “You’re a stallion,” Adagio said, with a long sigh. “How are you a princess?” “That’s none of your business,” Thorax said, with an upturned muzzle. “He takes it like a mare,” Chrysalis said, with a slow drawl. “Mom!” Thorax blushed bright, his wings buzzing. Outraged, he snapped: “I told you to respect my lifestyle.” “And I told you to get a job.” “I have a job,” he shouted, as the changelings and windigos cooed and jeered. “It’s being your assistant, because without me you kept sending telegrams to Celestia warning her of our evil plans. Threats against Canterlot, remember that?” “Hey, don’t be embarrassed,” Adagio Dazzle said, her voice a sultry purr. “If you take it like a mare, I’ll give it like a stallion.” The two nearly came to blows then and there, until two massive fists hit the table, and the resulting thunderclap cowed them all into silence. They all turned to look at the ninth figure in the room, the one at the head of the table, the only one who had not yet spoken. “Gentlebeings,” Tirek said, “this infighting is getting us nowhere. If we are to accomplish anything today, we must come up with one act of supreme villainy. One evil scheme to show the world that Equestria, the nation of friendship and magic, is nothing more than a nation of prey. A weak nation, with weak friendships. A nation that has lost the will to fight!” Then he said, “Don’t you agree, random changeling drone who has been in the background the whole time?” And the random drone, who had been there the whole time, pulled off her mask to reveal that she had been Princess Twilight Sparkle all along. “Nobody suspects the changeling of being a secret pony!” she shouted. Then she kicked Tirek in the groin. As the room stood frozen in shock, Twilight, the action hero, lept into heroic action! She flipped over the table and crushed Chrysalis under it, then punched Throax so hard he flew back into the Windigoes and scattered them like bowling pins. Hooves flying, punches and kicks going every which way, she knocked down the sirens, flipping the purple one right over her shoulder and into the wall. “Don’t ever let me catch you playing hookey on high school again!” she said to the purple siren, whose name was still unclear. “An education is the most valuable gift a young creature can receive.” Then, in through the door, burst Twilight’s nosey neighbors from Ponyville, who kept filing Homeowners Association complaints about her crystal palace. “I knew you were evil!” Twilight shouted, dropkicking the first mare right though… Twilight awoke midway through snoring. Her head bobbed like a lure on a fishing line, and a sharp gurgle escaped her throat. She was in her throne room, sitting on the chair itself, two royal guards on either side of her. She’d nodded off in the middle of the day, and, she noted, drooled on herself a little. She attempted to brush it off with a hoof before anyone noticed. “I was meditating,” she told one of the royal guards, who had not asked. “So uh… anything happen while I was… reflecting on the secrets of the universe?” “Just paperwork, Your Highness.” “No villains or anything?” “No,” the guard said. “Just more paperwork. And I believe you have some meetings scheduled.” “Meetings about anything important?” “I don’t think so, Your Highness. Would you like me to summon your secretary to be sure?” “No,” Twilight said. “If it was important she would have woken me.” After a moment she added. “No news is good news I suppose.” Silence hung in the throne room. The guards continued to stare straight ahead. Once she was sure the guards weren’t looking her way, Twilight mock-punched the air and whispered under her breath: “And don’t let me catch any of you in Equestria again!”