//------------------------------// // The Night Out // Story: Family Tree // by miss-cyan //------------------------------// I woke up in the middle of the night, panting and crying. My body felt cold and clammy with sweat, my eyes darting all over the room, looking for…for… I reached up to my neck, expecting it to be tender, but it felt fine. “It was just a dream…” I tried to reason. “You’re okay…you’re okay…” I dozed in and out of a restless sleep the rest of the night. When the sun finally came up, I forced myself up with it. There was a lot to do today to get ready. Later That Night Standing in front of Sugarcube Corner, my mind was going blank from a combination of my anxieties and just general embarrassment at my current predicament. Ponies on the street whispered and stared, just a bit, wondering what I was doing. Some had given me a wave or even a small smile and nod as they passed me by, but even their little kindnesses couldn’t push down my rising worries. “Just how did I convince myself that this was a smart idea?” I sighed under my breath. And to be honest, it had taken a lot of resolve to get to this point, and all I could do now was wait and try my best not to worry. Well, worry more than usual. When the night was over, I was going to…try. Try and tell her how I felt. See if we could try and be something…more than friends. Just the thought of it made my face burn with embarrassment. It was only yesterday that I had put all this into motion, and the thought made my head swim with second-hand embarrassment at my past self, adding to my nervousness. “Damn you, past Lottie…” The Day Before I had done it, I’d put it all out there and made the first step towards something more. Too bad for me that I mucked it up, as per usual. Pinkie Pie looked at me with a curious expression, the pencil still dangling from her lips. “Go oush?” she tried, before taking the pencil and sticking both it and the list she’d made back into her mane. “Yeah! That sounds fun! Where do you wanna go, Lottie Dottie?” “Someplace nice.” I tried to smile, not really able to make eye contact. Those big blue eyes of hers felt like they were staring right through me and it made me so much more nervous. Pinkie, whatever was going through her mind I hadn’t the foggiest, kept trying her best to be in my line of sight. “W-we’ll get some dinner and find some fun stuff to do, just the two of us.” “Oooh!” she wiggled excitedly, tapping her hooves together. With no warning, she hopped up onto my lap, squishing my cheeks once again. “I can’t wait! When are we gonna hang out? Later? Now? Oooo~! Can we go out now?” “Uh…t-tomorrow.” I managed to calm her enthusiasm, just a little, I moved her hooves from my cheeks, turning my head to hide how dark my own were getting, trying my best at a casual smile.. “I’m gonna need a little bit to get everything ready.” “Okay…” she fake-pouted. I rolled my eyes, ruffling her mane a little, getting a laugh from her. “We’ll make a night of it.” I assured her. “I’ll come pick you up at Sugarcube Corner, at like…seven? Right after sunset.” As her hoof slipped out of my hand, something felt…off. Despite how flustered this whole “crush” thing had me, I still felt better seeing her. Knowing she was leaving left me feeling…kind of sad. Weirdly sad…Like I knew I was gonna see her again just the next day, but now that she was going on her way, I was already looking forward to seeing her again. “See ya tomorrow Lottie Dottie!” she smiled, starting down the dirt road back to town. I sat there watching Pinkie bouncing off and my whole demeanor changed, so frustrated with myself. “AaaaaaAAAAAH!!” I shouted, feeling too frustrated. “Why did you have to put it like that!? GO OUT!? You vague piece of-Why couldn’t you have just…DINNER! DATE! GIRLFRIEND! These are very simple words Lottie!!” Because it’s indirect. I thought, realizing the obvious. If you asked her out properly, she could’ve had a chance to reject you. And that’s too scary a thought for you to handle. “Geez…Was it this difficult before, with Claire?” I asked myself. She’s the one that asked you out, dummy. I remembered suddenly. And with that thought, I realized something entirely too damning. Something that threw a big ol’ wrench in my plans for tomorrow. “…Wait a dang minute…Have I…ever been on a real date?” In my entire relationship with Claire, we’d kept our relationship a secret. Anytime we’d been together it’d either been under the guise of a study session or disguised as a platonic outing between two ‘gal pals’. It wasn’t until now that the sinking realization struck me. “I’ve…never been on a date date.” I realized with a dawning horror. “Oh geez…okay, think Lottie, what do people do on dates? And for that matter, what do ponies do on dates?” Could there be such a big cultural gap that a date would be different for ponies and humans? No, that seemed ridiculous, ponies were so much like humans in a lot of ways. For this to be the one area to trip me up seemed unrealistic. “Still, a little forethought never hurt anyone.” I reasoned. “It’ll be…mortifying, but this is the exact thing I’m sure I could ask for help on.” But…who to talk to about this? It had to be people who not only liked me, but people who wouldn’t be surprised about me asking about dating. Or at least…ponies who wouldn’t find the idea of a creature like me asking out a pony so strange. “Okay, who do you trust with this sort of thing?” I asked myself. “Who’s nonjudgmental, likes you, and would know what Pinkie would like?” The obvious answer there was Pinkie herself. But it might spoil a few things, clearly. “Uggh!” I threw my hands up, continuing to talk to myself in the middle of the barnyard. “This is stupid! Why not just hang out with her, like you did before! Why does it have to be romantic, or different in any way?” “Because.” I argued to myself. “You’re the one who wants it to be a date, you idiot. If you just hang out with her no big deal, she’ll never pick up on you wanting to be closer.” “But it’s embarrassing!” I argued back to…myself. “I like Pinkie, but I like being her friend too! What if I make things awkward? What if I was right and that…kiss…was just Pinkie being Pinkie?” I wasn’t going to lie, the thought of being outright rejected by her…hurt. But what hurt more was the thought of her saying that we couldn’t be friends after all. “No, Pinkie’s good…she’d still be my friend.” But what about you? The rational Lottie chimed back. Could you handle it? “Of course I could.” I reasoned. “I like Pinkie, whether it’s dating or not, and I’d never just…throw that away.” The last time you got rejected, things kind of went…downhill. I paused, grimacing. Picturing Claire in the hospital pushing me away and ending things was all too easy. I shook it off, standing firm. “That was different.” I muttered to myself. “I got rejected by someone who I was already with. Sure, it hurt…but if Claire had stuck around, I think…” “I think we could’ve stayed friends.” I tried to say, my voice very quiet. I imagined seeing her around. It would’ve hurt, for a while. But my life would’ve been a lot different if the girl I was head over heels for hadn’t suddenly moved to the other side of the country. I could see us talking, laughing about what stupid kids we were, and really patching things up. I shook it off, this was no time for what-ifs and pointless nostalgia. I groaned again, messing up my hair, feeling very frustrated. “Okay, okay…” I smoothed out my ruffled hair, the best I could anyway. “Just…get a little help. This is something that you have good friends who will help you with. And you’ve got a whole day to get the details sorted out!” And suddenly, a day felt so much shorter. I whined, messing up my hair again and heading back to what I'd been doing beofre. My feet had never felt heavier. I peered into the living room later, spotting Applejack resting after a long day of harvesting. I suddenly felt very considerate, not wanting to bother her. But a metaphorical kick in the pants got me moving, finally. It had to be done. “Hey…Applejack?” I called out, quieter than my usual voice in my brain’s attempt to give her a chance to not hear me and make this problem go away. No such luck though as she turned to me and smiled. “Well hey there, Lottie.” She patted the spot next to her on the couch and I hesitated before awkwardly shuffling over to her, unable to make eye contact yet again. “What’re you up to? Apple Bloom told me about the business with Buttons at school. You ain’t too sore at her, are you?” “No…I…wasn’t even thinking about that, to be honest.” I took a deep breath. “You…remember what we talked about, last night?” She sat up a little straighter, nodding on the edge of my vision. I tried to gather my thoughts, just…going for it. “I asked Pinkie out.” I barely got the words out before Applejack practically jumped me, her green eyes wide and begging for answers. “What’d she say? I didn’t expect y’all to do anything this soon!” she grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, probably harder than she meant to. “Did it go good? Did it go bad? Fer land's sakes, Lottie! Tell me!!” I made some kind of noise, everything spinning, before I felt her let me go. I waited for the room to stop jumping around to try again. “I chickened out, a little.” I admitted, feeing a bit ashamed. “I didn’t call it a date date, and we’re going out for something good to eat and ‘something fun’ and I kept it super vague and I just realized that I’ve never really been on a date date and you and Rarity are the only ones who know about my romance issues and now I’m freakingoutalittleandpleasehelpmeApplejack-” “Whoa there, Sugarcube.” She put a hoof to my mouth, stopping my nervous rambling. “I’m happy ya came to me, and I’m going to help any way I can, but I’ve never been on a date either.” When my eyes asked “Never?” she made a face. “I’m a busy mare, Lottie. Ain’t got time for makin’ goo goo eyes.” “So, what do I do?” I asked, moving her hoof away gently. “I don’t know how to make this a date date while still being fun enough for Pinkie Pie to not get bored. With the date or with me.” “As long as you’re not plannin’ a romantic evenin’ of watchin’ grass grown or somthin’,” she smirked. “I think Pinkie Pie will be happy as long as you are.” “But I want to make her happy for once.” I muttered. “I want this to be something…memorable and fun but that also says ‘Hey, do you see me as a possible romantic interest?’. And I…I don’t think I know quite how to do that. I can’t be subtle and not subtle at the same time, and I-” “Lottie, if you ask me, I think you’re thinkin’ way too hard about this.” She tried her best to sound comforting. “But if’n it makes you feel better, we can always get a second opinion.” “You’ve come to the right place!” Rarity tossed her mane back with a musical lilt to her voice. “I was planning for just something like this!” “What do you mean?” I asked, already dreading the answer. Applejack and I exchanged a look, her shrugging. “Well dear, before you told me about your…past romance, and all your apprehensions about dating, I’d already taken your measurements and made something for just such an occasion! After our talk, I felt a tad guilty about thinking ahead, but it all worked out in the end!” I made a face, and she pulled one back at me. “Charlotte, dear…” she got an authoritative tone, but still gentle somehow. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, wanting to look your best for the pony you fancy. This is a subtle way to let Pinkie Pie know that this is a special occasion without coming out and saying it.” “…I like subtle.” I breathed, trying to fidget nervously. “And thank you. For thinking of me and making me another outfit. I really appreciate it.” “You’re quite welcome.” She smiled, trotting over to another area of her studio. I sat on her little half-stage to settle myself. “Now don’t you worry.” Applejack assured me. “Rarity might have some…lofty kind of ideas on romance and all that, but I’m pretty sure she’s the only one of the six of us that has been on an actual date. So you may get some pointers yet.” “Seriously, I know I’m not one to talk.” I clarified, holding my hands up in front of me. “But all of you have never been on dates?” “Like I said. I’m busy.” She repeated herself, not quite looking me in the eye. “Twilight barely had friends before movin’ to Ponyville, let alone any dates, from what she’s told us. Fluttershy keeps to herself, for obvious reasons, it takes her long enough just to warm up to her friends. Pinkie came out to Ponyville when she was still really young, and wanted to be everypony’s friend more than date anypony. And from what she told me, Rainbow had some interested parties back in Cloudsdale, but with her it always turned into some kinda competition and she’d lose interest if she won, and got too steamed for romance if she lost. She’s gonna hafta find somepony just as competitive as she is if’n she wants anything long-lasting, I reckon.” I figured that described someone here too, from what Apple Bloom and Granny had told me of Applejack’s competitive, stubborn streak. But I was the last person to be doling out relationship advice, not to mention not knowing the two’s romantic preferences. “Rarity does seem…excited about romance and all that, at least.” I thought back to our many interactions that revolved around subtle and not-so-subtle talks about Pinkie and myself. “Mm-hm.” Applejack agreed. “You could call it that…” “I’m so glad you came to me about this, dear Charlotte.” Rarity tossed her mane as she came back, looking pretty proud of herself. A long clothes cover on a hanger floated next to her in her magic. The zipper pulled itself down and the new outfit was ready for all to see. “Gee willikers…” Applejack’s eyebrows rose up. “Well ain’t that a fancy getup!” It really was. Not so fancy that I felt like it was out of the question, but the outfit was without a doubt the nicest thing I now owned. Rarity had made more than a few pieces of clothing for me, and she must’ve picked up on my preferences to make something that…I honestly really liked the look of. It was made up of a nice navy blue dress shirt, and in a nice mix of masculine and feminine design, below that was a beautiful skirt that started as navy near the waste, but gradually faded into a darker purple and black. The hem was high in the front, above the knees, and longer in the back. With tiny dots of white on the fabric near the flowing hem, the whole outfit made you think of a dark, starry sky. Upon closer inspection, they were little white gems the sewn into the skirt. Over that was a nice black suit jacket that fit perfectly when I tried it on. As I changed, Rarity passed me some black tights to wear underneath the dress, still seeming to be under the impression that naked legs were just as taboo for me. I didn’t mind though, as it helped cover some of the bruises from the vines that were almost entirely faded. They were at that sickly greenish brown stage, almost gone but still quite an eyesore. When I stepped out of the changing room, Rarity looked ready to cry. “Ya outdid yerself, Rares.” Applejack nudged her friend. “You really did.” I couldn’t help but smile. “I’m not usually a skirt kind of gal, but I kind of…love this?” “I knew you would! I just wish I had enough time to make you some nicer shoes…I’m still working on more everyday hoof, er…footwear.” she sighed. “But I suppose you’d insist on wearing your boots.” “I think it’d look rad.” I half-laughed. It fit the whole aesthetic better than I thought it would, which was lucky for both Rarity and myself. “I have a few ideas about a possible itinerary for your date, so we should start planning everything as soon as possible! I only wish that you’d given yourself, and by extension moi, more time to prepare! Last-minute reservations are a bit hard to get, after all.” “Reservations?” I said from the changing room, putting my work jumpsuit back on. “Quite! Not that there are too many fine eateries here in Ponyville, but there are some hidden gems that I’d be more than happy to use my influence to get you into one such short notice.” “Well…” I considered her words, stepping back outside the changing room. “Nothing too stuffy, though. This is still Pinkie Pie we’re planning for here.” “Of course…” she seemed to be thinking about things. “Although I wonder…who will pull out who’s chair? Or open doors? Or pay for dinner…I hadn’t thought about these details involving two mares…All of my romance nov-I mean…in my experience, I’ve only considered this scenario between a mare and a stallion.” “Huh…who do we know…” Applejack thought for a moment. “I reckon you could ask Lyra and Bon Bon about dates with two mares. Those two’re always out on the town together.” I vaguely remembered two ponies by those names in the line back at Town Hall. The unicorn seemed interested in learning about a species she’d never heard about, but kept getting sidetracked with lighthearted bickering with the earth pony about just who had eaten the fudge the latter had made for a picnic they had planned. Even I, having just met them, could tell they were pretty into each other. “No, dear Applejack.” Rarity sighed. “They aren’t out in the open with their relationship as of yet. They still insist that they’re just “Best Friends” if you can believe it.” “Still?” the farm pony asked, wide-eyed. “I just saw them playin’ kissy face over by the lake the other day!” “Yes, well…we all have darling.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “They still won’t budge. But, to each their own, I suppose…Charlotte, if you’re looking for a more feminine approach to wooing a mare, you’d have to find another source.” “Hm…” I considered her words, not really sure about more traditional dating roles, pony or human. But If it was advice I needed, I had a couple of mares in mind. I just hoped that they’d be the last ponies I’d have to bring into this. In Rarity’s new date night outfit, with my friends supporting me and their (somewhat conflicting) advice still fresh in my mind, I was more or less prepared for the night. “It’s now or never, Lottie.” I said to myself under my breath. It had been a rough night. I remembered going to bed so nervous and excited for the next day, and then…that damn dream… I shook it off. No stupid dream was gonna spook me out of a nice night with someone I cared about. But it still felt like my heart would burst out of my chest every time someone left Sugarcube Corner, thinking it was her, It was just after sundown, and I was still not used to how fast the sun moved when it finally happened. “Lottie Dottie!” I had to fight the urge to run when she finally came out. She trotted right up to me, circling me with a low, exaggerated whistle. “Pretty outfit!” she smiled, playing with the end of the skirt a little before I instinctively swatted at her hoof. “Oh, sorry! I forgot about your thing with clothes. Did Rarity make these?” “Yeah.” I took a deep breath. “She made these in case…in case I ever wanted to have a nice night out.” “Lucky!” she smiled. Steadying myself, I fished in my jacket pocket and pulled out Rarity’s other surprise. “Here.” I held it out to her, and her face lit up even brighter. “For me?” she wiggled with excitement. It was a cloth rose hairclip the same blues and purples of my outfit, dotted with tiny white gems like dewdrops. She leaned out to me when I realized it might be hard to put something like this on with just hooves. I unintentionally held my breath as I tucked her mane a little and put in the hair clip, just above her ear. I didn’t even touch them but her ears wiggled a bit, her hooves tapping a little on the ground. “Now we match!” she smiled, bouncing in place. She stopped her bouncy excitement and squinted up at me. “Lottie, are you feeling okay?” she asked, standing up on her hind legs to see my face clearly. “You look a little tired…Did you not get a good night’s sleep?” My blood went cold, but I shook it off. I pushed the dream I’d had last night out of my head and pressed on. “I’m alright Pinkie.” I smiled weakly. “Really, it’s just my dumb brain trying to make me sad when there’s no reason to be. Makes me have bad dreams sometimes.” “Are you sure?” I told her I’d be fine. “You should send a letter to Princess Luna. She might be able to help.” “I probably should.” I half-laughed. Not committing to anything, I told Pinkie we should get going for dinner. “Where we goin’, all dressed up?” she asked, bouncing along after me. It was pretty nice restaurant, being an outside café-type place. The tables had fancy-looking candles and table cloths, and the whole outdoor area was lit up with fairy lights strung up overhead. I was worried about just where Rarity might choose, but this place was nice without being snooty or stuffy. All the other ponies there were dressed nice, the ones wearing full outfits anyway, but roughly the same level of nice that I was precariously on. But by the looks I was getting from the other patrons and the maître d, I was still going to be out of place. “We have a reservation for a…P.D. Pie, for two.” He directed his gaze to Pinkie. “Miss Pie, can I assume this is your…accompaniment for the evening?” “I guess it would’ve been hard to give them a spelling for my name…not to mention everyone in town knows you.” I reasoned, wondering about something else. “What’s the D stand for?” “Diane!” she smiled. “Pinkamena Diane Pie, that’s what it says on my birth certificate!”.” “Diane…” I was reeling a little at the very human middle name, before wondering something else. “I didn’t know ponies had middle names.” “Some do.” She bounced along as the fancy waiter showed us to our table. “The Pies are a really big pony clan aaaalllll~ over Equestria, so they use middle names to know which Pie is which for sure!” She told me about some of the more notable members of the Pie family, their birthdays and where they were from, (along with some odd pony wordplay on popular cities from my world that made my head hurt). Her ears wiggled about every now and then, her front hooves tapping on the table, and it was the tiniest bit distracting. Overall, it all made for interesting conversation until the waiter came back, glasses floating in his magic and set them down. He presented the two of us with a couple of menus and I hesitated, realizing it was useless to me. “Oh, we only need one!” Pinkie smiled at the guy. “Thanks a bunch!” The fancy waiter raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything more, once again leaving us to figure out our orders. Pinkie scooted her chair close to me, the sound of it scraping on the wooden deck floor below us making us stand out even more, the lights just bright enough to help her to read the menu. As we sat nearly elbow to elbow, her listing off things she thought looked good, it ended up making us look a lot more intimate than either of us could’ve intended. She’s always so chummy… I sighed, stifling a smile. Some of the nearby tables were still whispering, stealing glances our way. Pinkie didn’t look like she noticed from what I could see, and it didn’t really bother me…or it shouldn’t have, but it did get me thinking about other things. I wonder…If Claire and I had been a couple out in public, would we get looked at like this? Things weren’t great in my small hometown for people like myself. If my time in high school hadn’t cemented that opinion for me, the looks I’d gotten after I’d been outed from folks around the tiny town had, not to mention some of my more distant relatives. Moving closer to the city had been better, but not by much. Unfortunately, as good as same-sex couples seemed to have it here in Equestria, I’d gotten the gist that ponies weren’t encouraged to date outside their own species. And no matter how much pony ancestry I had, I didn’t really look it. “Ooh! This looks good!” Pinkie pointed to some random writing on the menu. “Lottie, let’s get this!” Pinkie got us a couple orders of some kind of vegetarian pasta dish and some delicious salads with some kind of red, honeyed dressing I couldn’t get enough of. First for the appetizer, she was more than happy to order a giant sampler platter of different stuff, and I didn’t have the heart (or the lack of appetite) to tell her that that sort of thing was more for a big group. But damn if we didn’t finish the whole thing in record time. “Blech.” I grimaced as I bit into something fried. “Pickles...” “Can I have them?” she looked with hopeful eyes. Again, her ears were wiggling and her hooves were tapping the table. “Go nuts.” I snorted, watching as she wolfed down the rest of them. She was eyeing the one I’d taken a bite out of, and I shrugged, going to hand it to her only to have her bite it out of my fingers. She grinned as she munched on it, humming contentedly. The conversation moved away from which appetizers we preferred and there was a somewhat uncomfortable silence, at least on my part. I never really had to worry about dinner date conversation before. In my awkward pauses, I did my best to recall the advice I’d gotten from two ponies with actual dating experience. And then some. The Afternoon of Date Night The number of ponies that were involved in this outing of mine was steadily growing. But in asking for help, I kind of asked for the trouble, so I couldn’t complain. I had Applejack’s emotional support, Rarity’s outfit she’d made and her dinner reservation, but I was starting to realize that these two might not be the one to consult on this either. I needed a slightly different perspective. Sitting in the living room of a familiar couple, I felt more than a little uncomfortable. But they were friendly enough faces, and that was more than I could ask for in a time like this. Their foal was swiftly placed in my arms as her moms stepped into the other room, saying something about being good hosts. I would’ve felt annoyed if it didn’t make me kind of happy that another couple trusted me with their foal. I would never admit it though, at least not without some prying. Ponies or humans, it seemed that people with kids just loved to make you hold them. I rocked the little foal in my arms, waiting for her moms and to get back from the kitchen. She was a tiny bit fussy, and it made me nervous that she would start crying. I tried to think of what to do; there weren’t any toys within reach and I was praying she didn’t need her diaper changed. So I did the (hopefully) next best thing. I couldn’t remember all the words, and I was no singer, but I started to softly hum the same melody her sister had sung to me when I was laid low with that awful fever. I snuck in the lyrics I could remember, keeping my voice soft so I couldn’t go too off key, but the little filly seemed to calm a little despite all that. “Lottie!” The front door was open, and another familiar face was in the doorway, a wide smile on her face. Sweet Wheat hung up her saddle bags by the door and came over to the couch I was sitting on. “Hey there.” I smiled back. “Your moms are in the kitchen.” “What are you doing at my house?” she asked, smiling at her sister in my arms. “Did you come to visit?” “It is nice to see you, but actually, I came to ask your moms for some help with something.” “What kind of something?” she tilted her head a little. “Lottie came over to ask for romantic advice~.” Cultivar came back in, exaggerating the last couple of words, coming over to the couch and nuzzling the top of Sweet Wheat’s head. “Y’know, smooches and dates and all that mushy stuff.” “Oh, gross.” Sweet Wheat grimaced, pushing away from her affectionate mother and hopping back off the couch. “No thanks. See ya later, Lottie.” I was just as put off by the joking words as her mom laughed, setting down a plate of little sandwiches. Power Chord was back now too with a pitcher of iced tea and some glasses, smiling as well. “Now, what specifically were you hoping to get help with today, Lottie?” Power Chord took her foal back and sat down next to her wife, both of them with mischievous smiles on their faces. I pushed through my nervousness and told them about my plans for tomorrow and why I needed advice from them instead of anyone else I knew. “It’s so sweet!” Cultivar cooed. “It’s a little funny that you came to us about this, though.” “I’m really sorry to bother you about this.” I told the two, smiling gently at their little foal in her wife’s forelegs. “So mares being together is different where you come from?” Power Chord asked, gently bouncing the tiny filly. “That’s…strange to think about.” “More or less.” I didn’t feel like telling this nice couple that their marriage wouldn’t be considered legal in many parts of the world. How do you even explain that sort of thing to ponies? “And I’m…well, I don’t have a lot of experience with…real dates. And like I said, the only friend I have with any dating experience is only into stallions. And she’s into really fancy dates that I’m not…really sure about.” “Well, dates don’t have to be all that fancy.” Cultivar shrugged. “I get that you want to show Pinkie that you’re interested in her, romantically and all that, but if nopony’s having any fun you’ll just end up bored, and that doesn’t make for the best date.” “Oh, don’t make it sound so easy.” Power Chord chuckled. “You were a nervous wreck on our first date, and I remember us both trying really hard to impress each other. We’re comfy with each other now, but if we’d just gone out and had fun, I might’ve thought you just wanted to be my friend. I get what you’re saying, Lottie.” “Huh, I guess that’s true.” Cultivar nodded, leaning on her wife. “I’d tell you to just be open and honest about your feelings but…” I must’ve been making a face because she let out a little laugh. “Yeah, that can be hard too. Dating can be scary, at first." They really were a big help with planning for the night to come, but in the end I still felt entirely unprepared. They weren’t too concerned with things like paying for meals, door-opening or chair-pulling, saying that’s more stuff some ponies pull when they want to make a good first impression. When they asked what our first meeting had been like and I’d told them about the whole cake batter incident, they’d gotten a kick out of it. “Well, at least you’ll have a fun story to tell.” Cultivar unsuccessfully tried to hide a smile, while Power Chord was shaking with suppressed laughter. Just…stay out of your own head, Lottie. I steadied myself, remembering their advice. Cliché as it sounds, just be yourself. I groaned at my own thoughts, unable to handle the amount of schmaltz that just came out of my brain. Our dinners had arrived and Pinkie had quickly settled in and started going to town on it. Every now and then she would peek over to me. At first I thought that she was just checking to see if I was enjoying the meal she’d picked out, but with every look she seemed to be deeper and deeper in thought. “What’s on your mind?” I finally asked. Pinkie wiped at her sauce-splotched mouth before speaking up. “Bluey…I was thinking.” Pinkie mulled over her words, munching away at the oh-so delicious garlic bread. “We never technically finished your Welcome to Ponyville slash “Sorry/Have a Safe Trip Home” Party, and then after that you were a big secret. Should I throw you another party? To make up for how your first one went? And this time we could invite all the ponies you’ve gotten to know! Our friends, Cranky and Matilda, Sweet Wheat and her moms, The Cakes, Roseluck, Daisy and Lily-but as real friends this time and not just party guests! Maybe Princess Luna too, if she’s not busy doing princess-y stuff…And I know a few other ponies who want to get to know you too! Do you think it’s a good idea? Huh, do ya?” I didn’t…immediately reject the idea, even though I kind of wanted to, so I took that as a somewhat positive sign. “Hmm…” I mulled it over. “Maybe a do-over party is a bit much. But…” at her pout, I rolled my eyes with a small smile. “Maybe we can just keep that guest list in mind when there’s something else to celebrate.” “Oooh!” she bounced in her seat. “We could have a big party for your birthday! I hope it hasn’t already gone by too long ago!” “It’s in the spring.” I told her, and I could see the wheels turning in that ever-racing brain of hers. “I can see it now!” she grinned, gesturing her hoof dramatically. “I can make a cake as tall as you, with all the chocolate frosting you could eat! And two bowls of my special party punch, with little marshmallow candies in it! Maybe Mayor Mare would let me rent out Town Hall? I wonder if I can track Trixie down to do a fireworks show after sundown…Nothing says, “great birthday bash” like a big lightshow!” “Whoa! Reel it in there, Pinkie!” I laughed nervously. “We’ve got plenty of time ‘til spring! And who knows? I might not even-” I cut myself off, my guts feeling all twisted up. It didn’t seem to be quick enough when I caught that sad, hurt look in her eyes. “No, wait.” I tried to recover. “I didn’t mean-” “It’s okay Lottie Dottie.” She smiled, no trace of sadness to be found on her face. “It’s funny…I’ve never felt sad planning a party before. But…even if you went back home, I’d still want to celebrate your birthday.” “…I appreciate it.” I told her honestly. But my heart felt like icy cold fingers were squeezing it tight. How long are you going to make them wait? I squeezed my eyes shut, digging my nails into my palms, pushing away that horrible dream. Now wasn’t the time to be all wrapped up in things that didn’t even matter at the moment. I unclenched my hands, taking a quiet, deep breath. “So!” I pushed myself to talk again. “Can I ask you a pony question?” “Of course!” Pinkie seemed to perk right up. “So, since I picked you up, I’ve been noticing something…” And as if they knew I was talking about them, her ears did a little wiggle, her hooves tapping the tabletop. “Is that like…some kind of pony thing? Like, when I was Cornflower Blue, I noticed my tail flicked without me telling it to sometimes. I’ve never seen you do that before. I’m sorry if I’m being rude, pointing it out.” “Oh that?” she did it again. “Sometimes, my body does little things to tell me things, it’s like a Pinkie sense! Like…when my tail is twitchy, it means that something’s gonna fall! And sometimes more than one thing happens, like wiggly ears and tappy hoovsies means that somepony’s watching me! But I just figured it was ‘cause of…you know…so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want you to feel weird…” She’d apparently, like I had, noticed all the not so subtle looks we’d been getting since the night began. I guess it was wishful thinking that she wouldn’t pick up on it. “Is…that a magic thing?” I asked, not sure if I wanted it to be the answer. “Could be!” she shrugged. “My Granny Pie used to get it sometimes. Like when her knees got achy, it meant that somepony was trying to steal a pie cooling in the windowsill.” She told me more about this sense of hers, and how Twilight had once tried to figure it out, when a different waiter suddenly approached our table. “A most generous patron of ours insisted that your table receive this tonight.” Our waiter floated over a bottle of something from the dining cart. He looked a little nervous as he magically popped the cork and poured out two champagne flutes, setting them down in front of us. Without questioning anything, Pinkie squeezed the glass in-between her hooves and took a long sip. “Wait, what is-” “Mmm!” Pinkie looked super satisfied, smacking her lips. “It’s like a fancy-schmancy cider!” “Indeed.” The waiter indulged her, leaving the bottle. Before I could ask who would get that kind of thing for the two if us, some movement caught my eye. A table on the other side of the dining area had two ponies with their muzzles buried in their menus, but they seemed to peek out from them whenever I looked the other way. From their coat colors it wasn’t hard to place them, though they both wore dresses and scarves, big hats and sunglasses, despite it obviously being nighttime. “They wouldn’t…” “Hm?” Pinkie started to look where I had been, but I stopped her with a touch to her cheek. If those two were who I thought they were, Pinkie finding out would leave a lot of questions, which all had answers that would be too embarrassing for me to answer. “We shouldn’t be looky-loos, it’s bad manners.” I sighed, trying to change the subject. “Do you think I should try it too?” “It’s really good!” she went for another long sip. “It’s almost as good as the Apple family cider! They only make it once a year! Oh, this year, you hafta hafta hafta hafta wait in line with me for it!” As she regaled me with tales of past cider seasons and just how good the drink was, I kept a side eye on that table, not sure how to feel about the whole situation. This is straight out of a bad sitcom… I thought to myself. All that’s missing is an ear piece feeding me lines that will ultimately backfire. But I ignored it. There was still a chance of it all being a coincidence, or the two at the table being someone else entirely. Best not to jump the gun just yet… Applejack felt downright loathsome going along with Rarity’s little plan, but it was too late to turn back now, she supposed. When her friend had pulled her aside after Lottie had left her fitting and told her about when Lottie had told her about her past romance, giving her the details that Lottie had skipped over, things made a little more sense. “You can imagine how I felt when she told me about what she went through with her first love.” Rarity had told her, her eyes shining with as-of-yet unshed tears. “I’ve held myself back this much until now…but I can’t help but worry…” “Rarity, ya can’t just follow those two around tonight…” she put a hoof around her friend’s withers, trying to comfort her. “They’re grown mares, they gotta sort this out on their own.” “But…but any number of things could go wrong!” Rarity was trying not to muss up her makeup as she dabbed lightly at her eyes with a nice hanky. “Dear Charlotte is more vulnerable than she’s ever been, and if something terrible happens, we absolutely must be there for her as soon as possible. She told you what happened when she had her heart broken before!” “She…she did.” Applejack hated to even remember Lottie’s confession and how it had made her heart stop. “But…you really think that Pinkie, our friend, would break her heart like that other girl did?” “No, not on purpose…I was up all night worrying myself over it.” Rarity admitted, and Applejack could understand, as she’d had trouble falling asleep thinking about what could happen. “We’ll just…Yes! We’ll give them a gentle nudge towards the right path!” Applejack didn’t think Rarity would hear her if she wondered out loud if the “right” path was necessarily the one she was picturing in her head. But while she still didn’t feel right going along with this, at the very least she could tag along to keep Rarity from doing anything too drastic. She tried to draw the line at wearing disguises, but Rarity jumped right over that line, pointing out that they wouldn’t be much help if Lottie or Pinkie figured them out right from the beginning. She'd even prepared wigs for the two of them, switching their mane colors so Applejack was now sporting indigo curls and Rarity with a long, intricate blonde braid. The sat across the restaurant, having shown up early to stake out the table reserved for their friends, and Applejack felt right silly, all gussied up like a fancy socialite. Everything seemed to be going well, save for some nasty looks from the ponies at the other tables. When they found Rarity or Applejack staring them down, they usually got real meek all o’ the sudden. “Honestly.” Rarity scoffed quietly, holding her menu so it hid her from view. “Some ponies…” “If I hear one more not-so-subtle jab at the two of them…” Applejack felt herself getting too hot under the collar, her ears laid back in irritation. “I’d be tempted to teach these ponies what their elders ought to’ve taught them…haul them to the little filly’s room and wash their mouths out with soap…” Their friends weren’t close enough to be eavesdropped on, giving them some amount of privacy, but they could still see how the two were doing. They sat close together, talking away and smiling, enjoying their meals. There was a short lull, accompanied by some sad looks, but it didn’t last long. Too bad this was enough to make Rarity nervous. She discreetly signaled the waiter and slipped him some nice-looking gems to send over a bottle of sparkling cider, at Applejack’s hesitant recommendation. Rarity was keen on sending over a nice wine, but she’d wisely reminded her that they were trying to make things nicer for the two, not get their friends soused. “And which table would you like this sent to?” the waiter asked them. “Send it to the lovely couple there.” She gestured to Lottie and Pinkie’s table. A look of disgust briefly flashed on the waiter’s face. “Madam, you can’t possibly be suggesting-” Rarity’s magic ensnared his bowtie, cutting him off and yanking his face close to hers. “And do try to be civil towards them, monsieur.” Rarity stared him down, one perfectly coifed eyebrow raised at the stallion’s behavior. Applejack picked up on her bluff and grabbed the wooden servers from their shared salad. “Lest my dear friend here see fit to have…words with you about your conduct.” Applejack snapped the utensils in half with ease, her eyes never leaving his. He audibly gulped, nodding stiffly. Rarity smiled sweetly and released him as he skittered away. The whole thing got a chuckle out of Applejack as she watched the skinny little weasel do his job. “You think we went a bit too far?” she asked. “Perhaps…” Rarity didn’t seem too fazed by it. “I’ll leave a little extra to pay for those, at the very least. You were very intimidating, dear Applejack!” “Thank ya kindly.” She tipped her big, floppy disguise hat, laughing with her friend. The tiny, fancy desserts at the restaurant hadn’t been very filling, so Pinkie suggested we go get ice cream. It wasn’t really the same vibe as the place we just ate, but it swiftly proved to be a good thing. Pinkie got an obnoxiously tall cone, but somehow it seemed perfectly balanced as she held it in the crook of her wrist. “Thanks Mr. Swirly!” she smiled, handing me my smaller cone. As much as I could still have eaten, I was afraid of a getting any on Rarity’s nice clothes. Pinkie, naked as a pony could be (save for her hairclip) had no such fears as she went to town on hers. We sat on a nearby bench, enjoying ourselves. As Pinkie was distracted, I subtly looked around for our uninvited guests. They were down the street, looking like they were window shopping at…a store that sold quills and sofas? I still couldn’t one hundred percent tell if they were the ponies I thought they were, but I kept an eye on them regardless. Having devoured the topmost scoops, Pinkie tossed the rest of her cone up and snapped it out of the air like a shark. It was almost impressive, and for any other pony I would’ve wondered where they were putting it all. But this was my new normal, I supposed. It did get a laugh out of me. I finished mine before long and we kept the night moving along, and of course, when I stole a glance behind me, the two ‘strangers’ were on the move as well. Rarity was a fan of the film Charlotte had chosen to see with Pinkie. A somewhat fantastical tale of Barrel Kick, a unicorn accountant who one day began to hear a mare's voice narrating his mundane life. She especially liked the mare playing the love interest, earth pony Banana Pastel. “I don’t get it.” Applejack whispered to her. “How in the hay does Barrel hear the author writing about him? It don’t make a lick of sense.” “It’s a bit of…magical realism, darling.” She whispered back. “It’s meant to be a bit fantastical.” “I get that, I guess…I just get the feelin’ they’re never gonna explain it.” she mumbled. The two of them were seated near the back of the theater, though there wasn’t much to keep an eye on, so they ended up enjoying the movie. A little more than an hour into the movie and Rarity was enamored by the scene where Barrel finally loosened up and played a love song for Banana, the two finally sharing a kiss. “Aww, that was pretty sweet.” Applejack smiled. Rarity wondered if Charlotte and Pinkie were having as good of a time with the film. She looked through the rows in the dark theater, but when she finally spotted the familiar pink mane of Pinkie Pie, she found the seat next to her empty. “That’s odd.” “What is?” Applejack asked. “Charlotte isn’t in her seat.” She told her. “Did you happen to see where she-” “Hey.” Rarity threw her hooves over her mouth to muffle the surprised yelp that got out of her. The two turned to see the friend they’d been shadowing sitting in the row behind them. She leaned over the row, resting her crossed arms between them. “I thought that was you two…” she sighed. “I know I asked you two for help for tonight, but…this isn’t exactly what I meant.” “Why, Charlotte dear.” Rarity laughed, trying not to let her nerves show. “W-we were just…” She looked to Applejack for help, but she wasn’t offering much. She just looked embarrassed to have gotten caught. “It’s…sweet, I guess, that you’re looking out for me, and or Pinkie. Don’t get me wrong…” she started. “But I’m gonna have to insist that you stop. You’re welcome to stay for the rest of the movie, you paid for your tickets and all…but I think it’d be best if you two went home after. You’ve been setting off Pinkie’s magic spidey-sense all night.” They nodded, not quite looking their friend in the eye. “Thanks for the cider.” She waved as she headed back to her seat. The two slightly ashamed friends watched her as she left, not sure what to say. “…Her what sense?” Applejack finally broke the awkward silence, confused. Rarity sighed. She had a feeling that the rest of the film would feel rather bittersweet compared to the first half. Having said my piece to our well-meaning stalkers, I made my way back to an unsuspecting Pinkie. “Hey.” I whispered, letting her know I was back before plopping back down into my seat. “Hiya.” She asked, practically sticking her head into her bucket of popcorn. “Was there a line for the bathroom?” I shook my head, settling back down for the rest of the movie. When it was over, Rarity and Applejack weren’t in their seats. Whether they left partway through or right as the credits started, I wasn’t sure. But Pinkie’s magic ear wiggles and hoof taps didn’t get set off for the rest of the night. As we made our way out of the theater, Pinkie was more than happy to give me her thoughts on the entire thing. I listened to her, happy to just hear her talk. Pinkie had been having such a nice night! She didn’t usually have fancy dinners, save for the times she and the girls had eaten at the Palace in Canterlot with the princesses. And seeing a movie again with Lottie had been so much fun! She wondered to herself if that could be something that they could do all the time? Most of her friends liked so many different genres, it was hard to plan something like that for more than two or three of them at a time. It was a nice night, not something something she and the girls would do, somehow. She couldn’t really put her hoof on it, but it was nice in a different way. The same kind of different that her friendship with Lottie felt from the rest of her friends. Her friend suggested a nice walk in the park after the movie, and Pinkie thought it would be a perfect way to round out the night. The air was crisp and clear, and it seemed some other ponies had decided it was a nice night out too. Compared to the restaurant, these ponies were a lot friendlier to the two of them. There were still some jumpy ones that Pinkie hoped didn’t upset her friend, but Lottie didn’t seem to pay them any attention. What looked to be a couple on a walk of their own went down the path the opposite way as them. The stallion, who Pinkie knew so much about: his birthday, the types of party games he liked, his favorite cake flavor...he looked at Lottie with a hint of distrust in his eyes. That ended when he got an elbow to the ribs from his marefriend, who looked at him with sharp disapproval. “Lovely night, isn’t it?” the mare asked with a nice, real smile. Pinkie really appreciated this little thing, just somepony trying to reach out with kindness like they would to any other pony. “Uh…” It took Lottie a second to realize she was the one being talked to. “Yeah, it is.” “Have a good one, you two.” She waved as they passed, her date nodding, his eyes cast down with a little bit of shame. “Thanks.” Lottie waved back with an uneasy smile. “You too.” When they were well out of range, Lottie looked back to her and shrugged. “Well...not everyone’s gonna like me, whether I look like a normal pony or a human.” She reasoned. “It just makes me appreciate the people who do like me that much more.” “I’m glad!” Pinkie told her, and it was true. “I just…” When she stopped talking, Lottie looked around for someplace for the two of them to sit down. They made their way to a little lake not far from the edge of the park, the same lake where she liked to feed the ducks with Fluttershy sometimes, the spring no longer in Pinkie’s step. They sat down on the waters edge, Lottie carefully tucking her skirt under her. “It’s just…not right.” She told her friend, leaning on her a little. “I know every single pony in Ponyville. I like them! I throw great parties for them!” She looked out over the still water, the moon reflected in it so brightly. “I know that they’re good ponies.” She sighed, thinking about all the ponies at the restaurant that had made her feel so sad, deep down. The ponies that crossed the street when they saw Lottie coming. The look in that stallion’s eyes. “I know they’re good.” She told herself again. “But when they act like a bunch of…meanies and scaredy-ponies, it makes me sad. For them, for you, for me…that some of the ponies that I know…that I like, aren’t that nice to you.” “I get it.” Lottie shrugged. “I’m okay though…if that’s what you’re worried about.” Pinkie didn’t always understand everypony. She did her best to see things that she didn’t get from other point of views, but it was hard sometimes. But figuring out if Lottie was really…okay? It was harder to figure out than most other things. The tired, kind of scared look in her eyes she’d had all night…Pinkie couldn’t bring herself to ask about it after earlier. But even when Lottie Dottie was smiling and laughing, it was still there. “I just wish that…that ponies could see you the way I do.” Lottie was quiet. When Pinkie looked up at her, the look was somehow worse. It was like her friend was someplace else, and Pinkie wished so much that she would come back. “I don’t know if they ever will…” she said under her breath. “I don’t…belong here.” “That’s not-!” “It is.” She cut her off. “I know that some part of me…Sugar Maple’s part, has a place here. But this isn’t some fun getaway or a home away from home. I’m…lost. Part of me thinks that…with enough time, ponies will get used to me. Like, really get used to me, not just being polite. I’ll eventually blend in a little more, and they won’t be so scared and angry. But…” She looked so tired. “But part of me doesn’t want to…” She admitted. “While they’re all getting used to me, more and more time’ll go by. There’s things that I miss about home. Little stupid things like…drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, my favorite sewing scissors that fit my hand just right. Geez…you know how long it’s been since I just…curled up with a good book? I’ve been dying to go to like…a bookstore or a library, someplace familiar and comfortable. But I can’t…I can’t read the language here and I’m…” She tucked her knees to her chest, hugging them close. “I’m scared to learn.” “Why would you be scared?” Pinkie asked, once again not really understanding her friend’s thinking, but wanting to. “Because…if I buckle down and try, then…I’m basically admitting that I’m gonna be here for a long time.” Her voice was getting a little strained. “You don’t learn an entirely new language when you’re not planning to stick around. And…and what if I make that choice?” She looked at Pinkie with an expression the pink pony couldn’t place. “What if there are things…ponies…that make staying seem…right?” She was forcing the words out now. “Does that mean that I’m basically throwing my home…my family away?” There was a long stretch of silence as Pinkie tried to come up with the words that would make things okay again. But how could she possibly answer? She wanted Lottie to be happy, more than anything. And what Lottie wanted was to go back home. But Pinkie couldn’t tell her that…part of her… She wanted Lottie to spend Hearth’s Warming with her family. She wanted to throw her a birthday party come spring time. She wanted to play at the swimming hole and picnic in the summer…things they might not have time for. She wanted to spend all the time in the world with her, have fun and making her smile. Deep down in the most secret parts of her heart…she wanted her to be with her for a long time. How could she say that without sounding so…selfish? Without breaking her friend’s heart? “I’m sorry.” Lottie tried to laugh, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I didn’t mean to be such a bummer…that dream last night really messed with my head…tonight was supposed to be a nice, fun time for just the two of us…” “Lottie?” Pinkie couldn't keep the question inside any longer, her feelings bubbling over even as she tried to push them back down. “I’m no Princess Luna…but I just…” Her ears flopped down, mirroring the rest of her looking downright sad. “You looked really tired all night.” She fiddled with her hooves in front of her. “Is…Is it okay? If I ask what your dream was about?” Lottie blinked, her eyes darting away and hanging her head a little. Pinkie could usually help Lottie to talk about things that were bothering her, with a good talk and some big, sad eyes. But Lottie Dottie seemed really unwilling to spill the beans with this thing. Like just talking about it would hurt her even more. “C’mon…” Pinkie put a hoof on Lottie’s arm. “You can tell ol’ Pinkie Pie.” “I…I don’t think-” “Was it really scary?” Pinkie asked, trying to think of the scariest dream she’d ever head. “One time when I was real little I had a nightmare that I got trapped in the rock quarry back home, and nopony was looking for me. I woke up crying and it was hard to breathe, but I told Maud about it and she said that if I that ever happened, she’d find me and bust all the rocks apart.” “P-Pinkie…” her friend mumbled, looking more tired. “Even if they were the most interesting rocks she’d ever seen! So I was thinking that if you told me what scared you, I could help you feel better about it. Because I’d help you, no matter what kind of scary thing you were afraid of, I promise!” she said, her voice getting desperate. “Pinkie…” she tried to smile. “I don’t…I don’t know if this is something you can help with…or Princess Luna. I don’t think it was a dream at all. It w-was another one of those visions. And I-” Her shoulders shook as a chill seemed to go up her body, her grabbing her arms tightly. “I…I don’t want to talk about it.” She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. “I know I'm supposed to be more honest about how I'm feeling and everything but I just...can't. Not this time. I’m sorry.” The night had been so nice, hanging out just the two of them. But Pinkie went and spoiled it, bringing up sad, scary things when she could’ve just tried to be there for her friend. “I’m sorry…” she sniffed, trembling a little. She turned away, trying to wipe her eyes discreetly. “Whoa whoa whoa, hey…” Lottie’s eyes shot open at the sound of her friend’s sad voice, hovering her hands over Pinkie’s head, unsure of what to do. “No, why-why are you upset? It’s okay!” “I’m s-sorry.” She tried to smile, but it hurt too much. Deep down, this had been bothering her for a while, ever since she’d gotten to know Bluey better. But all she could do was do what she did best, make ponies smile. And tonight it was getting all mixed up with her being scared of losing her friend…it was too much to keep inside. “Please don’t be upset, Pinkie.” Lottie tried to calm her friend down, finally deciding to pull her into a gentle hug. And it worked, a little. Just enough so Pinkie could get the words out. “When I got my cutie mark…” she started, sniffing loudly. “I knew that I wanted to make everyp-pony smile. And I’m really good at it!” Lottie looked a little confused, but didn’t interrupt, still holding her. “It just…bothers me sometimes, knowing that there’s somepony out there that…no matter what I do, any smile I help you make will just…never be enough!” she sniffed, the tears coming back as she tucked into Lottie’s chest. “It’s what I’m supposed to do! If I can’t make you happy, then I…I-” “Hey hey hey!” Lottie pulled Pinkie away to look her in the eyes, wiping at the her tears with her sleeve. “It’s okay! C’mon Pinkie, don’t be that way! Like…sure, it’s sweet of you to try and make me happy, of course it is! But…but you shouldn’t feel all this pressure to do it!” Pinkie looked up at her friend, her sweet Lottie Dottie, as the girl seemed to search for the right words to say. “Now granted, I don’t know a lot about…magic destinies, or cutie marks or anything like that, but…Pinkie, it’s not your job to make me happy!” she assured the pony, touching her cheek gently. “I’m glad that you do, really I am. But if I’m feeling down, it’s not your failing.” “B-…but-” Pinkie stammered, trying to fight her friend’s words. “We might not have a lot of time…and I…” Lottie eye’s showed that tired hurt again before she sighed, smiling a little. She gave Pinkie’s mane a quick mussing, taking her face in her hands as the pink pony looked up at her. “Pinkamena Diane Pie!” She grinned wide, her caramel-colored eyes shining in the starlight. “You make me happy!” It was such a simple sentiment, but something about it made Pinkie’s heart flutter. “Sure…” her friend started. “Sometimes I’m mad, or sad, or-” “Smad.” Pinkie recalled her previous diagnosis of her friend’s angry crying when they first met. “Yes, of course.” She laughed, the sight making Pinkie’s heart a little lighter. “Or sometimes I’m just a weird, mopey loner. But…as cheesy as it sounds, that just makes the times when you make me smile…the time we have together, all the more special. I’m not always going to be able to pull myself out of a bad day, and neither will you, but that’s okay!” She hugged Pinkie again, touching her forehead with hers. When she pulled away, Pinkie missed the touch, just a little. “Because I know that you’ll still be my friend when it’s over.” She reassured her before making a face. “Even if we’re apart. Well…as long as I don’t act like a total jerk and say something mean. If I do that, I give you my blessing to kick that me to the curb until I get my act together!” “No.” Pinkie shook her head, giving her a weak smile. She might have to leave Lottie someday, but it wasn’t going to be because of a fight or a bad day. If she was going to say goodbye, it would never be because of that. “I wouldn’t leave you, Bluey. Never, no matter what.” Lottie looked…sad, just for a second. Not by Pinkie’s words, but by something Pinkie couldn’t quite place. Her friend took a deep breath and let out a deep, long sigh. “I know that Pinkie.” She smiled a hurt smile, one that made Pinkie’s heart hurt too. “I know.” Pinkie looked up at her, and Lottie looked like…like she was trying to make up her mind about something. And with a sad sigh and a tired smile, it seemed like she did. “Pinkie?” “Bluey?” “Pinkie…I-” She seemed to stop herself and took a deep breath. She slowly reached out and scratched Pinkie behind the ear again, Pinkie leaning into it with a small smile. “I’m…I’m glad you’re my friend.” She said in a quiet, almost scared voice. “I had a fun time tonight.” “Me too.” Pinkie smiled, unsure of what her friend was thinking. Lottie smiled back, a more complicated smile that she had ever seen. It was happy, but sad, but blended in a way that she couldn’t tell which one to really label it. It was content, and thoughtful, and just a dash of lost and lonely. But Pinkie still couldn’t help when her heart started thumping so fast when she saw it, when Lottie leaned against Pinkie’s side. They sat together for just a little while longer, not saying anything, staring out at the lake. Pinkie could hear her heartbeat all the way up in her ears. She didn’t know why, and she wondered if Lottie’s heart was doing the same. “C’mon.” Lottie stood up, dusting off the back of her skirt. “I’ll take you back home.” The whole walk back, Pinkie felt that same sense of wanting to say everything but not being able to say anything, just like when Lottie had given her Little Bluey. She had an extra spring in her step again, and the warm fuzzies were overwhelming. She couldn’t help but look up at her friend and smile to herself whenever she did. She still loved her friend so, so much! And their night had been so much fun before all that sadder stuff had gone down. But now, she knew for sure that even though she couldn’t always make Bluey smile, it didn’t mean Pinkie was letting her down. She gave Lottie one last hug in front of Sugarcube Corner as they said their good nights. She made her way to her room, finding Little Bluey and Gummy sleeping soundly in his basket, snug as two bugs in a rug. She smiled, taking the starry fabric flower hairclip and putting it on her bedside table. She fell asleep staring at it, the memories of the night, happy and sad, playing over and over in her head. It was another special memory, something she’d never forget. What memories would the two make tomorrow? I’d made my choice. I’d run away from what I wanted, as per usual. I’d been putting these uneasy feelings out of my mind all night, telling myself it was just nerves, my usual anxieties trying to muck up my life. But it was so…real. The walk back to Sweet Apple Acres was so quiet, it left me alone with all these thoughts. I put my head in my hands, trying to stop it from coming back to me. Even several hours later, it was still so clear in my mind. Bad dreams had always had a knack for sticking with me, and this one was worse than usual. More like the depression-fueled visions I’d had when I was trapped in the dream realm. Even as I tried not to remember, it played over and over, as clear as when I’d first woken up. Such a familiar scene I found myself in. Not a sound came to me as I walked through the messy underbrush. No rustling leaves, no wind whistling, not even the sound of my own footsteps could be heard. It’d happened a few times before, but it still felt just as unnerving. I couldn’t fight the vines off, feeling that horrible, familiar pain of losing my body bit by bit. Soon I was in that endless place again, with the trees going on for forever and the roots sprawling nearly infinitely. It hurt my head just to look at them. That same loud, angry heartbeat was the only thing I could hear. It got louder and louder until it felt like the air was pulsing all around me. I looked for Silver, even though I didn’t know which Silver I would see. The scared, angry filly? The ghostly, gaping-eyed figure floating endlessly in the void? Or maybe, just maybe, the human I hoped she had become somewhere back home, safe and sound. But I didn’t see any of those versions of her. I felt someone behind me. Turning suddenly I came nose to nose with myself. Only it wasn’t me. I had those same endless, glowing eyes as Silver had, my short, curly hair flowing like I was underwater. Wrong ‘What?’ I tried to say, but my own voice was still silent. Why could I hear her, but not me…well. Me, but not me? Her voice cut through the ever-present thundering heartbeat, like she was whispering right in my ear. Everything is wrong You’re not supposed to be here This world isn’t yours ‘I…’ I mouthed uselessly, still no noise coming out of me. ‘I don’t…’ No matter what you do No matter how hard you try You don’t belong here ‘I know that.’ I stubbornly tried to retort. ‘You think I don’t know that?’ No matter where you go No matter who you love ‘Don’t!’ I clenched my fists. The other me didn’t react. Are you having fun? Living a quiet, happy life in Ponyville You can’t fool me You want to spend your life here With them With her ‘Shut up!!’ Mom Dad Mason How long are you going to make them wait? ‘Stop!’ I went cold, not wanting to hear it. At least last time they knew you weren’t dead with a phone call from Grandpa You really are a selfish fucking coward ‘STOP!!’ This was a new level of self-loathing, even for me. I hated this eyeless asshole version of me more than I’d ever hated anyone. But…nothing she was saying was untrue. If Twilight gets the portal open again Will you even want to go? Will you leave them wondering forever? ‘No…’ I couldn’t stand the thought, the worry that had been haunting me ever since I found the portal closed. ‘I…I can’t…’ How long How long until they wish they could forget you Just to make the pain stop? ‘Please…’ I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t know how to wake myself up. I knew it wasn’t real but it was just…too much. Poor Little Lottie Running away again That’s all you do That’s all you’ve ever done She was too close. I could feel the tips of her cold fingers just barely touching my cheeks. I tried to pull away, but it felt like I was stuck, frozen in place in the endless space surrounding us. Surrounding me. Only me. She was me. And what about her? We both knew who she was talking about. Such a happy Trusting pony Will she miss you? When you abandon her? Will she wish she never met you at all? I couldn't shut her out, her voice clear as a bell, no matter how hard I pressed my hands over my ears. How can you give her your love When you don't even love yourself Come Come back Back to me She sounded so gentle and welcoming, but all I felt was pure terror, like ice water creeping through my veins. We can be together again. I’ll never let you go. Her hands. My hands. Wrapped around my neck. I struggled and thrashed, but it was like she wasn’t even there. Only my hands, tighter and tighter, I couldn’t breathe. She looked into my eyes with those endless, dark pits of nothing. She smiled so sweetly as my vision started to swim and fade away. I love you. It was too real, too similar to those other visions. But what did it mean, really? That place, where that other version of Silver had been, why would another me be there too? And whether it was me or not, in some way, why would she say all that? What did she mean by…come back to her? That she loved me? Maybe I was just overthinking it. Maybe my stupid, anxious brain really was just trying to psyche me out, reminding me of everything I was afraid of. It had come at the worst time, but in another way, maybe it was for the best. With everything Pinkie and I had talked about that night, it just further cemented things in my mind. It’d been such a nice night…a few minor setbacks non-withstanding. But all it took to spoil it all was remembering that damn dream and seeing her cry…It wasn’t Pinkie’s fault, I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned it, but it had helped me…make up my mind. This friendship had gotten so complicated, so quickly. I never wanted to be the reason she cried. But apparently…complicated was the only setting I had in a relationship. Part of me was so used to being on my own that I wasn’t sure that anyone could mean this much to me again. But in such a short time, I couldn’t imagine life without Pinkie. I wanted to do fun things with her that I never really cared about before. I wanted to go to a party of hers and play kiddie games, just being happy for the sake of being happy and not feeling insecure about it. I wanted to bake something with her and see the look on her face when she tasted it. I wanted to do anything and everything, as long as it was with her. I wanted to see the world the way she did, as a place filled with possibilities and new people to meet. But in reality, what did I have to offer her? Someone whose brain never really let them enjoy anything? Someone so insecure that rejection from her could mean I do something that I regret? Someone who would undoubtedly make her cry again? Long nights worrying that tomorrow would be the day I found my way home? … And that was the reality. Twilight had said that she could be close. A horrible wave of dread passed over me all at once, utterly conflicted with the elated feelings of joy and relief. My fears of leaving her behind and the ache I felt when I remembered my family. Suddenly I realized just what I was doing...What I had almost done. If I was brave, I could consider the possibilities. What if Twilight got me home, but I could come back someday? Could I abandon my family all over again? Could I leave my life on Earth behind? …Could I really even love someone again? Not the tender beginnings of feelings, the being together part. The hard work. The sad parts as well as the good ones. Could I fight to be with Pinkie? If I really tried…If I was brave. The feelings of that horrible vision filled my head again. All the doubt, all the hurting…all the regret. No, I wasn’t brave. I had never been brave. I was a coward. When the going got tough, I always ran. And this moment would just be another prime example. I would keep her close, as my best friend. So that no matter what, I wouldn’t one day feel that pain again. No matter if I went home. Or if she found someone else, someone a thousand times better for her. Or if I simply lived out my days here in Equestria, and one day I had to leave her in a whole different way. She would still be my friend. My closest friend. It had been enough before these feelings came up. And no stupid crush was going to cause me the same pain that I’d felt before. Maybe it was cowardly, maybe it was short-sighted. But it was enough for me. Applejack knew it might be a little bit much, waiting up for Lottie like a worried mother hen, but she hadn’t been able to relax since she and Rarity had been found out and sent on their way. “Lottie looked kinda annoyed when she saw us…” she sighed. Somehow it had been worse than her being angry or upset at them. “Now Applejack, just be a big mare and apologize when she comes home…let her know that you were wrong. Everything will be fine.” Applejack couldn’t help but wonder what was keeping her friend and houseguest. The rest of the Apple Family had retired to bed not too long ago, her brother had raised an eyebrow at his younger sister sitting on the living room couch but hadn’t said anything. She almost wished he had so she could get all of this off her chest already, even if he rightly judged her for going along with all of it. The front door creaked open, sending Applejack to her hooves. “Lottie!” she kept her voice low enough to not wake her family. “I’m awful sorry about tonight. I hope we didn’t spoil your fun…Lottie?” Her friend started past her, placing her hand on Applejack’s head, scratching behind her ear a little. “It’s okay.” She smiled. “Lottie?” she felt annoyed with herself for being nosy but pressed on. “Is everything…alright? Did it…go okay?” Lottie looked thoughtful, and the air about her was making Applejack nervous. But before she could ask again, her friend spoke up. “Everything’s fine, Applejack.” She smiled, and Applejack could see a hurt there. “Pinkie…Pinkie’s my friend. And nothing’s gonna change that.” As the girl headed for the stairs, Applejack couldn’t help but follow after her, but just to the foot of the stairs. “I’m…I’m glad?” she couldn’t help the questioning tone in her voice. “I was a mite worried there…” “Nothing to be worried about.” She smiled, ascending the stairs, Applejack staying put. Her room was on the ground floor, and it was too late to turn this into a long conversation, if one was needed. Was one needed? “I just…got my priorities in order. I care about Pinkie, and I decided that…” There was a long pause, the tension was unbearable. “I decided…to do the right thing.” she smiled sadly, walking off towards the guest room. “I’m not gonna break her heart.” Applejack felt like she couldn’t move. She couldn’t even feel disappointed. It was Lottie’s life, and as encouraging as she and Rarity had tried to be of the budding romance, it was always a possibility that things wouldn’t work out. She thought that Lottie was being mature by making such a decision at the expense of her own happiness, but it conflicted awfully with her wish for two of her friends to be happy. She decided, making her way to her bedroom for the night, that no matter what happened from now on, she would do her best to be a supportive friend. Whether they figured things out, stayed close, or if someday in the future she’d be comforting a limp-maned Pinkie Pie when Lottie finally found her way home. She’d told Lottie just the other day, she had her opinions, but she and her were two separate people. What happened between Lottie and Pinkie, at the end of the day, was none of her business. “S’pose this is just one of those hard parts of being an adult…” she sighed, her eyes feeling heavy. I was feeling pretty low as I laid there, waiting to finally nod off. I made the right choice. I assured myself, not bothering to stifle a huge yawn. I was happy before all this weird stuff wormed it’s way into my head. Well…as happy as someone like me can be, I guess. I’m not the first person to get a misguided crush on a friend that goes nowhere, and I certainly won’t be the last. I sighed in the quiet of the room. Heck, it’s not even the first time it’s happened to me, and if my track record is any indication, this is for the best. Empty words to make myself feel better. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m a coward. I reminded myself, finally feeling drowsy. That’s all I’ve ever been.