Maybe I just wasn’t as white as I’d thought or maybe it was the quality of life on Earth, but I sure as fuck felt privileged when it became clear that I could ask a maid to go get me hand-pressed coffee. I mean, fuck, even the hotels I’d stayed at on Earth let me make my own tea. Had to appreciate the finer points of life and all, especially since it meant that I got to say like, two sentences and go back to cuddling my lover with wake-up juice on the way. Canterlot Castle seemed like a much better place when I was already within its walls as opposed to having to use the gates, though that’s not to say that the boons that came with entry weren’t usually worth it. Especially with the Night staff, but that does make me want to grill Celestia about our ex, Velvet Breeze.
Anywho, Luna’s people were also the superior coffee-craftsmen, as proved by the sample the kindly maid brought back for us. No disrespect to the woman, but ‘fine, I guess’ wasn’t exactly the quality I was expecting from the castle. Then Twilight made a comment as she drearily got her first sip, reminding me that my coffee was opaque when you spilled some. It wasn’t going to do much good to just have a single cup, so I offered mine to Twilight and apologetically asked the poor mare to grab us a proper pot, just in politer terms. She was happy to do it and all, but I really hated not thinking of it first.
Twilight drained my cup like it was water, though it’s not far off to say that the fluid was water with what I’d got her acclimated to. She was still groggy and was slow to join me on the edge of the bed for the customary kiss, seemingly uninterested in doing anything other than going back to sleep. I say that because I know the woman well and having her slump while hugging my arm was a good indicator of her current motives for the day. A kiss to the base of her horn put a sleepy smile on her face, so I abused the power I had over her and smooched her even gooder. Twilight eventually pulled away, giggling her head off.
After finally yawning herself half-awake, she gave me a proper greeting. “Stop… If you keep stealing these kisses, I won’t be able to give you any…”
Her restraint didn’t last as my fingers slid across her cheek and chin, coming to cup her jaw. The curve of her lips told me that I wasn’t the only one who could bear with a few more. Twilight’s eyes had barely been open as I brushed her cheek with my thumb. Appreciating the moment and the lack of commotion was on my mind, though I wondered what could possibly be going through hers. Cherry was an open book sometimes, but even then I struggled to read Equuish on occasion. Her grin and the unwavering eye-contact told me that she was content, but the particular things I wanted to know were always a question away. However, seeing that our little spat had been resolved so easily with a little time and communication was encouraging, and her lips were simply enchanting.
I had to make do with just one more peck, but I held Twilight’s gaze as long as I could. “... I love you, Cherry.”
“I love you too, Amour… And I hate to kill the mood, but…” Her brows did say that she was sorry, but her lips were still grinning at me. “When do you think that coffee’s gonna get here?”
“Did you hear anything else I said?”
“... Probably not as accurately as we’d like, so I think I’ll just say I love you…”
Her cutesy look was far more effective than it had been prior to falling in love with her. “Eh, not much of it was important. Seems like you slept well.”
She cuddled up to me again before answering. “Mm, I usually sleep well with you… Maybe you’re rubbing off on me more than we think?”
“Déjà vu, eh?” I kissed the tip of her horn. “Wanna step out to the balcony, catch some fresh air and wake-” I heard the maid’s footsteps. “Ah, took her long enough.”
“Depends on how long we were kissing.” My girlfriend passed me a wry look and I tried to appear offended. “You time it, Max.”
“Well, maybe I just like to know how to measure the amount of kisses we’re trading so that I know the value of the stock market?”
She blinked and I smiled, kissing her temple and getting up to go receive our company. I didn’t make it far, but that just meant I got away with less walking. Mrs. Maid-Mare fucked off with some giggles after noticing that Twilight was apparently wearing my shirt, which I hadn’t noticed prior to seeing her throw it on. I- I’m a fucking idiot because that’s when she put it on… Maybe Chrysalis ate my fuckin’ grey matter, damn.
Anyway, with good coffee in our hands, it wasn’t hard to get Twilight up and moving for the day. As for me, I’d been feeling a bit sluggish anyway and had most of the pot to try and pick it up a bit. Not anticipating Twilight’s preference for sativas meant that I was caffeinated from the moment I got my third cup down post-workout. By the sixth and final cup, Twilight and I were two bowls in and focus came when it felt like it.
We joined Celestia and Luna for breakfast with the rest of the girls, Shining, and Cadance. Surprisingly, Cadance’s appetite rivalled mine. As we cleared the table in what seemed like a polite commencement of copious consumption, we tried to talk and pace ourselves when we got bitched at by our respective lovers. Twilight chided me for trying to inhale every grilled sweet potato available, but I argued that if no one else liked them, that I would happily dispose of them. Cadance tried one and found them to her liking, so we annihilated the tubers with Shining commenting that Cadance usually avoided starch. He got glared at, but I lacked a vagina to back me up if I glared at Twilight.
Celestia told her student to stop badgering me about my appetite, stating that I was most likely in the midst of another growth spurt or something. She probably wasn’t all that far from the mark, evident by my sleeves being a little less baggy than usual. My ribs were also generally less visible, meaning that the introduction of more walnuts into snack-time wasn’t just for flavour. My lover rolled her eyes, but gave my shoulder a few squeezes along with a little analytical glance that lasted just a few seconds too long. I knew that Twilight biting her lips meant that a smile was on its way, she just didn’t want to admit it.
The GalPals were present and tossed their peanuts or whatever it is that the Pony Gallery does. Shining caught my attention with his chuckle, earning himself a nod. The casual bond we had at the moment reminded me of the bond I shared with most Equestrian men if I talked to them. We didn’t have to say much unless much needed to be said. Passing that point with Shining was a milestone that I appreciated reaching. Speaking of, I got to have a post-breakfast chat with him that was mostly me apologizing for interrupting him with quips. It didn’t seem to be a problem since he was laughing his arse off, but it did make us miss the GalPals fucking off to return to their daily lives since the wedding had taken more time than they’d allotted. An extra day had fucked up most schedules, which wasn’t a surprise in the slightest.
Twilight was annoyed that she hadn’t accounted for something, but Shining and I came back at the tail end of her complaining about it, so I didn’t catch the full story. I got to sneak in a kiss, which is why she stopped explaining and that was my own damn fault. However, Celestia was mad at me. “As sweet as you are, Max, I don’t remember being told of any vacation.”
I’d been making googly eyes at Twilight and raised my brows. “Oh, no, I’m pretty sure it’s not your business anyway.”
The table fell quiet with most eyes on me, but Luna scoffed and stole the floor. “He’s not wrong, sister. What matter is it to anyone where Max’s travels take him? Other than perhaps Twilight Sparkle.”
Celestia shot her a dirty look, vengeance behind that tight smile ad her narrowed eyes. “I’d like to know where our Barons happen to be, sister. It’s wise to know the location of some of our most valued friends, at least.”
I shrugged and cut into the conversation again. “Well, it’s not like you need to rescue my arse, anyway. I can take care of myself just fine, and I don’t think I need my holiday any more organized than it is.”
She caught the jab after a few seconds, having waited to root out my meaning prior to responding. Sunbutt sniffed, clearly annoyed that she didn’t actually have much of a reason to keep tabs on me with my track record. “I still would’ve appreciated a bit of forethought, just in case I were to visit.”
“You know now.”
Twilight chuckled tiredly, adding in her two cents. “Didn’t you tell me that we were going to visit with Fancy and Fleur at some point?”
“Yeah, actually. They mentioned a visit earlier, but if you’d rather head home…”
She glanced at Lil’ Bruv, nose-deep in his book as he was. “Spike, what do you want-” My lover paused as she noticed that he wasn’t paying attention. “Spike.”
He stopped after a moment. “Huh?”
“Any thoughts on our plans for the day?” He stared at her blankly, glancing at his book after a second. Twilight just chuckled. “I see.”
Cadance huffed, catching our attention. “Well, it’s almost as if you don’t intend on spending any time with Shiny and I!”
I smirked, covering for my rapidly panicking lover. “We just assumed that we’d get some time with you anyway. Why wouldn’t we bother you for a bit?”
Shining chuckled, patting his wife’s shoulder. “And it really will be just you. I have to work the shields and take care of the pre-honeymoon paperwork.”
Cadance pulled a face. “It’s the day after our wedding…”
I expected Celestia or Luna to cut him a break, but they really were slave-drivers. “I’ll make it up to you! Dinner at Roserade’s; As soon as I’m done!”
The pinkest Princess pouted harder than a woman her age had any business doing. It also worked better than it had any right to. “I demand you tell work to buck off!”
Shining’s hard on for his job was bigger than the one he had for his newly-wed wife, apparently. “I’ll do what I can and be right back! Guard’s Honour!”
Cadance glared after him on his way out and I avoided giving Celestia any kind of look since she was already mad at me and it wasn’t worth it. Twilight didn’t see the obvious connection and that Celestia was taking her anger out on Shining, but my lover did console Cadance and invite her along to visit Fancy and Fleur with us. It sounded rather nice to me, but Spike more or less looked at Luna until she sighed and gave him a casual ‘Yes’. Twilight grinned for whatever reason and Celestia just chuckled, making me want to ask about their relationship. Luna caught my lingering eye and raised a brow, her light smile freezing into a scowl. I held my hand up and gave a small shake of my head, smiling to show that I meant no harm. Luna eased a bit, making it a little clearer.
I couldn’t help but smile as I gave Spike a few parting words, not asking about Luna at all. I trusted him with the Princess since Twilight did, but I couldn’t stop wondering about what went on in their alone time. For the moment, I figured that she was pretty much the only one he knew that Twilight would trust to watch him, but would also leave him the fuck alone. He more or less confirmed my thoughts, but I didn’t really have to pry to get an answer. It was a good thing, most definitely. I knew that going against Luna wasn’t wise. Celestia would hesitate to drop me if I seized the moment before she got fed up, and I knew how far to push her. Luna, however, could just give me a flat look and that could be the end. Even then, I still trusted the one that would kill me faster over the control-freak.
After parting from Spike and giving Celestia a hug that I thought she needed, Twilight, Cadance, and I took to strolling the castle until the Princess mentioned that she wanted to see Ponyville since she’d never been able to go. It wasn’t a problem for Twilight to get us there and Cadance could get us back to save on magic, so we alighted to the Treebrary and took a little time to walk around and see the sights. As odd as it was, my lover and… Friend with benefits(?) were getting along like tea leaves and boiling water. The way they bounced back and forth with story after story was easier to follow along than most of the conversations I was present for when it came to Twilight. They conversed in a way that told me the topic from their last moments alone was being continued, but the air that radiated from them wasn’t… It felt kinda… Well, not really-
If I didn’t know that I held Twilight’s heart, then I would’ve feared that Cadance would claim it before I could stop her. Just watching the two of them was touching and all, but I wanted in on their merry little meanderings so I didn’t lose my damn girlfriend. Neither seemed upset that I cut in on their time a bit, though I kept my interference to a minimum unless they asked for my opinion on something. Speaking of things, Cadance mentioned that she would appreciate a drink or two. My girlfriend was hesitant to bring up either of the bars in town, but it’s not like I didn’t have an admirable selection myself. I offered up my supply and Cadance furrowed her brow, having noticed that I wasn’t much of a drinker or at least never mentioned it. She let it go until she saw my cellar minutes later, a brief tour of the house leaving her rather surprised.
For some reason, Cadance expected my house to be smaller and generally more homely than it was, which I took as a compliment. Twilight, however, kind of shot her a look. “Oh, no, I don’t- Well, I didn’t mean any offence by it, Twilight, it’s just not really-”
“Not really…?” My lavender lover asked, leering at the woman she’d been so friendly with up until that one comment.
I decided to step in since I was pretty sure of Cadance’s point. “I think she means it’s just a big, lavish house for a humble, brilliant, modest, handsome,” I leaned in and kissed Twilight’s cheek, “husband-material kind of guy, wouldn’t you say?”
Cherry was living up to her nickname, though she spent the time she’d usually use looking away from me to grin. My goofiness earned me a kiss, which was the most favoured result. “I would’ve understood if you’d just said, ‘She doesn’t think my head’s big’.”
Cadance chuckled, making me glare at her. “Oi, you callin’ me a big head?”
The Princess rolled her eyes. “Hush.”
I gestured to the wall or two of alcohol. “If I did, I couldn’t tell you about the selection.”
“The best way to learn is through experiencing though, right?”
“Depends on how you learn.”
Twilight huffed. “Books teach you just fine!”
“That’s how you learn.” I shrugged. Cadance chuckled, eyeing my booze before strolling along, occasionally taking a peek at something interesting. “Oi, grab whatever you want. If you want a cocktail, you can mix it upstairs and I’ll clean up later.”
“Oh, I couldn’t ask-”
“Twilight to teleport the bottles up and me to grab something to carry them back down? It’s not much of a problem if one at all. At least someone gets to enjoy this stuff. Applejack likes to drink, but elaborating on why it’s good isn’t her forte.”
“Well, maybe we should save the drinking for that visit with Fleur de Lis and Sir Fancy Pants?”
I looked to Twilight. “What do you say, Cherry?”
She smiled, but I wasn’t sure about the veracity of that smile. It was a bit worrisome, but she still agreed. “Sounds good!”
Cadance didn’t seem to acknowledge Twilight’s slight offness, but we teleported back to Canterlot anyway. My companions for the moment joined together and sent- Brought? They took us to Fancy’s estate. That’s clear enough. Anyway, Twilight knew where we were going and Cadance had the power to get us there, so it was a breeze to clear the troubles of the train station and post-wedding traffic. Cadance was still easy as fuck to identify, so we had to hurry along to avoid getting stopped after the first two times. Fancy’s estate was in the better part of an already pretty fuckin’ wealthy town, but that just meant that the people who were actually around thought they had a reason to open their mouths. In any case, Fleur was well aware of the fact that she had a Princess on her property and was quick to see us in herself, though Fancy was ‘too busy’ to be bothered, even for Cadance.
As nice as it was to see Fleur, Twilight was acting colder and more distant with me, even going so far as to pull away from me while I was chatting with the elder woman. Fleur and Cadance both noticed and I certainly wasn’t fond, so I asked Twilight if she’d like to go ‘have a smoke’. I half-expected her to say no, but she agreed and I provided my pipe. “What’s weighing on your heart, Cherry?”
“... Max…?”
“Yeah?”
“... Why did you want to come here?”
I made sure to pay attention as Twilight packed the bowl, her movements deliberate. She was trying not to give anything away and I finally saw that she was preparing herself to be hurt. “... I just want to see them and chat for a while. Fancy and Fleur are more mature than almost any other friend I have-”
“What about Blueberry Tart? And Mary?”
I grimaced, but it wasn’t because she really had a point. “I fuck Mary and Blueberry is weird. I respect Fancy and I admire Fleur.”
My lover froze while making sure the top was even, specifically at the part about Mary. “... What do you mean when you say you ‘fuck Mary’?”
I pursed my lips and shrugged. “She’s just someone I fuck. We both know that I couldn’t care less about sex, Twilight.”
She nodded slowly, a lopsided, wry smile coming to her face. “... Yeah, it’s not like Fleur’s particularly beautiful or anything…”
“Eh, she’s plenty pretty. Has a mature kind of glamour, I guess.”
“And yet you’re not really into ‘glamour’...”
“I do enjoy gorgeous, goofy and genius, yeah. Glamour is just nice to look at; Gorgeous and gifted can be enjoyed with casual conversation and plenty more activities.”
“... I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but I do.” Twilight shook her head, lighting up and getting us started. “For a while there, I was thinking that you wanted more than a casual visit.”
“No, not at all. Just catching up with friends that can afford to know more than the GalPals. If you’d like to cut it short, though-”
“No, it was just that I had my doubts since… You and Fleur have a history and all…”
I shrugged it off, knowing that she couldn’t help the worries. “And that history is gonna be history for the rest of this life. Maybe I’ll smooch her when I’m reincarnated as lip balm?”
Twilight scoffed and passed the pipe. “I love you, Max, but you know you’re hot, right?”
“This from-”
“I’m not kidding or being flirty, Amour. As much as you love to lay down the compliments, it’s really not much of a competition. Maybe on Earth I’d be cuter than you, but not here.”
I puffed and sniffed a bit. “Weird.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, I get that I’m decent enough, and that’s with me being honest with myself. Better now than when I got here, yeah, with a little more muscle, a lot less acne, and better teeth. Meanwhile, you’re…” I gestured toward her with my pipe, shaking my head as I spoke the truth. “You’re a great height, lovely and easy to talk to, got a great arse, nice-sized hug-enhancers, and your kisses are like that first breath of a changing season. Who the fuck’s worried about Lizard-Lip Long-Fingers and his licorice when Pinkie’s cousin Cutie is a tall glass of hot cocoa with a blondie?”
She returned my look with one of her own. “Who’s worried about the raisins when there’s an entire selection of chocolates to choose from in one stallion?”
“You’re almost as sweet as you look, and that’s a lofty compliment, Cherry.” I flashed her my most winsome smile.
She just grinned back, but there was a warmth to the look that made me kill the theatrics and chill out. Whatever I was doing for Twilight in these tough times, she obviously appreciated it. “You’re the best, you know that?”
“... You bring it out of me.”
For once, a gentle touch was enough as she tapped out the bowl. We rejoined our hostess and guest with my lover hopping into the conversation like nothing had happened. Fleur and Cadance didn’t bother asking about her earlier hesitance and brought both of us into a simply… Rousing conversation about uh… Fuckin’ uh… Salad? Shit, I honestly think it was salad, but I don’t want to say for sure. Maybe I was still recovering from Chrysalis and her feeding or maybe it was just that boring. Either way, I kept my hug with Fleur short and she passed me a slightly annoyed look, but withheld any comments she might have had on it.
Cadance mentioned that there was actually shite she had to do in the day, which Twilight offered to help with. Instead, we had to settle on walking the Princess to the castle and making our farewells from there. While Candy Arse was sad to see us go, she decided to hug Twilight first for some reason. I think my lover and I had both been expecting her to get the final hug, but Cadance was shaking things up for some reason. I didn’t feel any particular need to watch them, though it was most definitely an interesting twist when Cadance kissed her sister-in-law prior to letting her go. All I got was a kiss on the cheek, which was kind of a let-down.
In any case, Twilight and I went to go collect Spike, grab our shite, and take off, but we didn’t get to touch down long. Spike was busy with his shite and Twilight wanted to do some shopping after glancing at the calendar, being rather obstinate about getting out and about. I wasn’t keen on leaving the house or even having to cook for the night, but Cherry wanted what she wanted and I didn’t see much of a reason to say no. We stopped by the General Store first and there was a package waiting on my lover, keeping her cheery mood bright as we continued on towards the jewellers. It reminded me that I’d seen Filthy Rich enter the place a time or two, thus probably being the former mark’s establishment or something. His coin hadn’t actually been all that useful to me in the end, but still. It was a touch odd seeing his wife at the counter, especially while knowing that I’d threatened their daughter.
Spoiled Rich was perfectly pleasant, handing over Twilight’s other order without any faff, mentioning that it had arrived earlier than expected. My girlfriend wasn’t as thrilled as she was evidently supposed to be, but Spoiled wasn’t going to say anything untoward in front of the Baron. We got to walk away without harassment in any case, so I took my victory where I could find it and held my patience in check while Twilight tortured me with her secrecy. Spike was still in the living room, smoking the place up considerably less than he could’ve been when Twilight gave him the present. She’d bought a shit-ton of consumable gems and her orders kept getting delayed. Now her shite had finally come through and Spike was elated to see the quantity of crunchy snacks at his disposal.
As nice as it was to see a smile on Little Bruv’s face, Twilight had waited and eyed me while smiling until I finally broke down and asked again. “If now’s not the time for the stuff we got from the Rich’s, then I don’t know when would be better.”
“Well… You know how you’re the sweetest and bestest special-somepony ever?”
“Apple Bloom’s better,” Spike interjected.
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “You only say that because I’d say it about Twilight, but anyway. What are you trying to say, Cherry?”
“Well… I just wanted to give you something to prove that I think you’re the best~” Twilight held her hand behind her back, swivelling with her hips.
It left her wide open for a sneak attack via smooching, so I seized the opportunity and let her hold me in place. I didn’t get far when I tried to pull away, so I stayed for a few more pecks and let Twilight finish putting the necklace on me. Instead of being giddy about the gift, I took the moment to cup my lover’s face with my hands and just look at her. “... You know you’re beyond all meaning of greatness, right?”
She held my hands, trying not to smile too wide, for whatever reason. “Max…”
I gave her one more kiss to quell the desire to steal the rest of her night, only then did I let myself come away from her and look at what she’d given to me. It was a silver or pale-metal book, though I knew Twilight would probably go for silver due to the thaumaturgic properties or whatever. The book acted as a locket, but was clearly meant to be combined with another necklace to complete the aesthetic. My half of the locket was the cover from what I could tell, and my pages held a picture of Twilight and Spike from recent days on one side. The other portion was left blank, and a lucky fumble showed that there was one more slot for a picture on the other side of the blank page. A little metal plate with a clearer inscription made up the page that was meant to connect the books, making me wonder what it would look like fully completed.
Twilight’s thumb was brushing my cheek and it was odd that I tried to resist smiling as much as I wanted to. I caught myself sniffling and took a moment to get it together. “... Dammit, Twilight Sparkle…”
“I-I would be sorry, but you’re happy… Righ-” She was busy getting hugged, even if I was deliberately trying to avoid suffocating her. “I love you too.”
Paying attention to Spike was more or less one of the last things on my mind, but I do get praise for noticing shite, and I noticed that Little Bruv was a lot less childish about the display of affection I shared with Twilight, and that made the moment even sweeter. I wanted to reply to my lover, but I had to settle for nodding, under no illusions about the clarity of my feelings. Cherry showed me that her necklace was still unworn, so I sought to solve that little issue. Her book had a picture of me and Spike, then the GalPals. Her third slot was empty and I wondered who I should put in my own half of the book. It lingered on my mind as we fucked around with the nifty little knick-knacks
We may have done some more snogging, but that’s neither here nor there.
Spike let us have our moment, lost in thought as he finally put the book down. Twilight and I took to the couch, though I wasn’t necessarily expecting my lover to say anything until she let out a little chuckle. “You know… As happy as I thought I was when we only had to worry about the occasional big event instead of… Interpony stuff… It’s been… Nice, knowing that I have you two with me to trudge through it all. Spike, Max… I really love both of you, and I want you to know that.”
“I love you too, but with less purple,” I quipped, about to lead into a couple compliments.
Spike cut in with, “I love you more since I’m purple too, right?”
Twilight put a finger to her lips as she tried not to smile, leaving me with a chance to counter. “Well, wouldn’t you naturally love her more because she’s also purple? Doesn’t that make my pale-to-purple love all the more genuine?”
I seemed to have started a battle. “Actually, due to the nature of purple-to-purple love and the fact that I don’t need or want to kiss Twilight to know that she’s awesome just proves that I actually, in factually, love her more.”
You little- Fucker’s robbing me in front of me! “Well, Sir, if you’d done your research as you implied, you’d know that my romantic love for Twilight is, while an obvious conclusion, still quite immeasurable. I spent mere months with Twilight and didn’t need to earn her kisses to know that she was incredibly amazing in many ways. And, might I add, that my age and height allow me to do lame, mooshy-gooshy stuff with her and enjoy it!”
Spike folded his arms, glaring at me with all the heat of a magnifying glass during a rainstorm. “So you would say, Sir, but I would like to point out that you can feel Twilight’s hugs better and she doesn’t get to ground you, so I think I love her more.”
“While you have a solid point with the hugs, Twilight does try and take those very hugs and kisses away from me when I do or say something too stupid, so I think I might still have you beat.”
He shrugged. “You can call me any vegetable you want, it doesn’t stop me from being hotter than you-”
“And I’m still considerably cooler than you, so ha. What now?”
He shrugged. “Being cool isn’t everything.”
“Yeah, not really. Weren’t we talking about something?”
“Uh…” Spike shrugged again. “Dinner?”
Twilight giggled, beaming at us both. “Well, I don’t know what we have in the pantry, but Blossom’s and Bloom’s-”
“Hell yeah!”
“Yes!” Spike pumped his fist. “I am so ready for a burger!”
Cherry giggled again and I didn’t need to add anything. Plus, we were all still dressed and we could unpack at any time, so there was no reason to stay hungry so late in the day. I sure as fuck wasn’t interested in cooking for myself at the moment and I was pretty certain that Spike had enjoyed not having to make anything himself. In any case, with B&B’s being like, the only casual restaurant that wasn’t a diner in town, it was never a surprise to catch someone there. However, seeing Blueberry Tart and Mary while they were with some friends I’d seen around town was interesting. I wanted to swing on over and drop a greeting, but I was out and about with my girlfriend and little brother, meaning that my attention was better left with them rather than taking another shot at a problem that wasn’t actually an issue.
Still, while I ate and laughed with Spike and Cherry, I couldn’t help but look over at Blue and her group of friends. I’d put it behind me for the wedding, but seeing her again just reminded me that I didn’t know what the fuck kind of relationship I had with Blue. It had been fairly obvious that I liked her and at least respected her enough to give my usual shite a rest at some point, but why wasn’t a question I could answer. Twilight eventually picked up on my distraction, knowing that it was likely the person I’d pointed out upon being seated. She told me that we could just go and say hi, but again, Blue was out and about with her friends and I didn’t want to bother her. My lover just smiled and rolled her eyes, doing Noir’s thing of letting me figure it out for myself. It would’ve been a lot cooler if she didn’t, but that’s for people who don't care that much.
Speaking of people that cared a lot, Blue evidently spotted us since she decided to occupy the extra chair at our table. It certainly brightened my starlit-evening, but I was a little curious as to why she’d sacrifice time with people her own age to speak with us. “Oi, if it isn’t the tartest of Blueberries! How’ve you been?”
Blue sat and smiled, though her brows furrowed. “I’ll take that as a compliment, I think.”
Twilight ‘hemmed and hawed’ for a moment, as AJ would say. “I don’t think it’s an insult. I mean, a tart blueberry would be better than a regular sweet one, and Max calls me Cherry, which can be tart too.”
I figured an explanation was due. “Tart, to the English, means ‘pretty woman’. You, Cherry, are an absolute tart. Blueberry, you look wonderful; Quite lovely for the evening. I was making a pun, though the compliment was included.”
My lover rolled her eyes and Blue just chuckled. “Well, I did put in a little extra effort tonight, so it’s still appreciated. I see you three are fit for a trip to Canterlot yourselves!”
Spike jumped in with, “Well, we were there for the wedding and all, but-”
Blue gasped. “Seriously!? That’s so great! How was it!? Did you-”
I put a finger over my lips as Cherry made a placating gesture. “Not so loud…”
Blueberry chilled out a bit, holding a hand to her chest. “Well… It’s just incredible to know that you were there…”
Twilight chuckled, the wonderful song more natural than I would’ve guessed. “We just got back today, but if you’d like to drop by for a while, I don’t think anypony at the table would mind your company.
Blue tried to be humble, but I figured she would try something of the sort. “If you don’t want to part from the mares for the night, we’re not going to be offended, but I can tell you that it’s certainly not a bother in the slightest to have you over.”
Our older friend couldn’t help her smile. “Mm, I may have already mentioned that I was going to leave for the night when I stopped over here…”
Every plate on the table was clear. I thumbed my nose. “Just waiting on our check, I guess.” Twilight waved down our waitress, a coincidence that Equestria was probably all too happy to help with. “I’ll be damned.”
“Language, Baby,” Blue admonished.
I gave her an odd look as Spike snickered. “Wow, Blue, are you Max’s mom now or something?”
She just smiled and I rolled my eyes. “Don’t need one, Spike, but the sentiment is appreciated and all.”
Blue’s smile took a turn for the tighter, though why exactly it had done so wasn’t necessarily on my mind. “I’d say we all need a mother at some point, Max.”
“You’re not wrong in the slightest. I just don’t think I need-” Twilight elbowed me and I shot her a look. “I don’t think I need an elbow in my damn ribs.”
“Language,” Blue warned.
“Sorry.”
Twilight huffed. “Maybe you do need it…”
I shot her a look, but the waitress came and I paid before we could make anything of the streak she seemed to be starting on. I wasn’t fond of getting hit for nonsensical shite, but I choked it down in favour of trying to make Blue feel welcome to come into my home. I couldn’t help the feeling that Twilight had snuck one in for a reason she just wasn’t sharing. Apparently I’d been making up for whatever I’d said, though I was mostly just ignoring Twilight’s rising tendency to hit me. That said, Blue pointed out that it was getting awfully late in the night for her to swing by when it came time for us to leave. Having sat and talked for nearly an hour and a half after paying our bill since Blossom and Bloom preferred to let people do their own thing within reason, the older Unicorn wasn’t wrong.
As much as I understood her point and normally wouldn’t have cared that much, it was a little less than desirable to have Blue cut out on the night early. Twilight mentioned that she wanted to sleep in her own bed and Spike was pretty eager to get back to his own, leaving me to sigh and bemoan the lonely night ahead. Cherry didn’t buy it for a second, but Blue did invite me back to her place for tea since she didn’t want to have to sleep in makeup. As odd as it should have been that my middle-aged friend was inviting me to her place near dusk in front of my girlfriend, I kind of welcomed it. Twilight approved without needing so much as a glance, telling Blue to take care of her ‘precious snoogle-butt’. If I didn’t know that I’d suffer for it from a combined effort of both Unicorns, I would’ve got her back for that.
Parting with Twilight and Spike was as hard as it generally has been lately. Maybe it was the fact that ‘settling down’ was more or less happening with every waking moment or maybe it was just that I’m always worried when I’m not with them. Even in a place as safe as Ponyville, it’s hard to say that I don’t get concerned at random points for no Goddamn reason. In any case, I kept looking over my shoulder after my last final goodbye to my lover and little brother, though it’s not like they were looking. They also weren’t going to suddenly get snatched up and stolen from me, so I stopped being a wort and worried myself with more of Blue’s doings in our time apart.
She’d steered the conversation right after telling me about her day with Mary and how they’d met up with their friends, leading straight to a topic I should’ve anticipated. “So, Max… How was the wedding?”
I groaned, not really knowing where Blue’s house actually was. It could be all too long before we got in and she dropped the subject, so I decided to just give her the info she wanted. “Ah… It was a wedding and all, I guess…”
“Max, it was a Royal wedding! In Canterlot Castle!” She exclaimed somewhat softly, the current time being accounted for. “You can’t expect me to just believe that it was like any old wedding!”
I didn’t mean to chuckle, but it was apt for the situation anyway. “Hell, if it wasn’t the only wedding I’ve ever been invited to, I might be able to give you an answer you actually like. I’ve crashed weddings before for the free booze, but this was the first time I actually got an invitation, and I didn’t technically get one anyway.”
“What do you mean you ‘didn’t get one’?”
“Uh… Well, it’s kind of a state secret at the moment. I was supposed to get one, it’s just that there were some extenuating circumstances that led to me not getting my permission slip.”
“Hm… State secrets you say...” Blue mused, holding a finger to her lips for a moment. “It’s interesting, but I guess I should respect your loyalty to the Crown-”
“Princess Cadance got kidnapped and replaced by an evil Queen.” The cobalt-toned mare gave me a look. “The evil Queen got caught, Cadance got freed, Celestia made me be Cadance’s attendant because I was supposed to do it in the first place and had other business to attend to-”
“Wait, are you…” Blue’s brow furrowed for a second before her brows shot up and she hit me. “Max! You yourself said that was sensitive information!”
“Tch, don’t say I’m loyal to Celestia’s cunt self and I won’t commit treason. I sure as fuck ain’t got no love for that woman, Blue, it’s just not something I can say to her face.”
“... There’s a difference between spitting in the Princess’ face and endangering the nation, Max…”
“Are you a threat to the nation?”
“Well, no-”
“Then how am I ‘endangering’ anything?”
“... It’s still not something you should’ve told me, Baby…” Blue sighed. “Honestly, I wasn’t even going to try and pry…”
“Well, what do you want to know about the actual wedding itself?”
She gave me some side-eye. “I don’t know, should I ask if you swiped the bride from under the groom’s nose? Or should I ask what the reception was like?”
The darkness hid the heat that came to my face, which I was grateful for. “Ah, the reception was pretty nice. Pinkie did the decorating and set everything up in pink, purple, and gold for Cadance with Shining’s white and blue represented in the stuff that actually got used for something. The music was lovely and all, but there’s a cellist I would’ve recommended if anyone had bothered to ask. Or inform me that the selection was all going to be basically the same damn song-”
“Language.”
I tried to be annoyed with her, but my smile wouldn’t let me be mean. “English, why do you ask?”
Blue scoffed, whacking me on the arm for being difficult. “You know what I meant, nutball.”
“Yeah, yeah, but why do you even care?” Blue’s heart throbbed and she sniffed, making me think back on what I’d said, wondering if an apology was even necessary in the slightest. I hadn’t actually said anything offensive, but I’d hurt her feelings all the same from what I could glean in the pale moonlight as it blended with the lamps lining Ponyville’s streets. “I mean- Well, it’s just that…”
She was watching me as I shrugged and fidgeted. “You’ve never had anypony to tell you why that kind of talk is more suitable for the restroom than polite ears. I understand, Max, and I do it because I didn’t think you had somepony to explain it to you when it mattered.”
I didn’t answer that. At least, not directly. “Guess I know plenty of reasons to cull the sharp parts of my tongue, but it comes in handy… Also kinda just makes me feel more…”
“Tough?”
“... Nah. That’s not it. Swearing doesn’t make you tough or cool. Just makes me feel more at home, I guess. When you’re accustomed to people flinging insults at each other with intent to maim, it’s just not something you think about that often, if at all. It’s not like I actively insert ‘foul’ language into what I say, it’s just how I speak at this point.”
“Well, you could clean it up a bit!”
“Eh,” I shrugged. “Speaking of cleaning up, though, you really do look lovely. That blue contrasts with your coat plenty enough to not make it look like you have long fur and that shade of blue is great with your mane.”
“I thought the brown accents would go well, though I don’t know how I feel about possibly looking shaggy, like some ponies.”
The pointed look she was giving me made me blow my hair out of my eyes, the motion having been practised for years. “Well, what’s wrong with being ‘shaggy’? Not that you are or that I am, but what’s wrong with it in general?”
“Max, you are shaggy, and it makes you look like you do salt and Opi-Dope.” I gave her a look in the low lights, but we were nearing her flat from what I could tell. There were a few flats around Ponyville, I just hadn’t had a reason to go to any of them prior to the given moment. Blue decided to wait until we were at her door, up a flight of stairs to answer my questioning gaze. “Max, I don’t think you do drugs or anything-”
“Nah, I smoke hella weed and have to remind myself to take a break now and then. Used to have trouble minding my p’s and q’s, yeah, but I’ve been off the sauce for about five months now. I literally eat salt like you eat cocaine because it affects me about as much as cocaine does you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Honestly, cocaine was an illicit drug on Earth.”
“Huh. The things you learn when you ask. Speaking of asking, what are you expecting if I invite you in?”
I tried not to show how annoyed I was, but I thought that Blueberry, of all people, would understand a platonic affection. “Tea and conversation. I can make it home just fine if you want to assume shi- stuff.”
Blue snorted and rolled her eyes, opening her door and leading me in. “You know, a mare should just ask certain things, even if a stallion isn’t an option in her eyes. Sometimes smiling faces just don’t tell the truth.”
“I get that, but you’d think I would’ve tried something before now if that was the goal. Besides, you’ve commented on-”
She waved it off, hanging her coat and reaching for mine as I caught the hint. “Max, I care about you. I’m rather sure you care about me. I understand that you’re not necessarily romantically attracted to me, but there’s something that makes you want my attention, Max.”
I was kind of thunderstruck as the bitch casually put my coat on her damn rack like she hadn’t just slapped me with a weird truth. “... Well… I really don’t know what you want me to say to that, Blue. It’s… Not something I actually thought about.”
“You say that like you have put thought into something along those lines, though.”
… Fuck it. Sometimes it’s better to be straightforward. Might as well toss it out there. “I have put thought into why I like you as much as I do. Why you seem to have more of my trust and respect than you… Honestly have any reason to be getting. It took me…” I shook my head, puffing out a breath. “A year with Twilight nearby just to start telling her how I really felt and you somehow got me to spill shite in hours…” I gestured toward her. “Kindred spirits, I guess? Maybe you see yourself in me-”
Blue giggled and I felt a little insulted since I’d been speaking from the heart, the feeling doubling soon after she started. “Kindred spirits! Oh, Max, you are the sweetest, goofiest thing, aren’t you?”
As much as I wanted to tell her off for laughing in my face, it was hard to look at her smile and take offence. “Might be if I weren’t planning on tying all of your delicates into a dodecahedron.”
“If you shush, I’ll let you have some of the cookies I made yesterday,” She offered, trying not to chuckle at me.
“Alright, Mum.” I snorted, rolling my eyes and zipping my lips, tossing her the key.
Blueberry pretended to catch it, matching my little grin. “... Not the worst thing you could call me.”
She’d turned away before it hit me and I realized that I actually did have a mental handicap. Not only was I stupid, I was fucking derpin’ it. The pieces lined up as if they’d all been assigned a certain polarity on a table of magnets. Blue had known. Twilight had known. Noir had known, and I was the last one to figure out that she and I were filling the holes in our hearts and the roles of ones we’d lost with each other. It was clearer than ever that I was a far cry from normal. Who else… Well, after Blue started toward the kitchen, I had a moment to think about the moments I’d shared with her thus far. Meeting her out in the park and getting in trouble, despite being the Baron of the town was something I hadn’t thought about too hard. It just seemed natural for me to accept what Blueberry Tart had to say at some level, and maybe it was because she only spoke her own truths.
I followed after her on auto-pilot, thinking about our lunch at the café just off the square and how she’d managed to strengthen our connection in a few short hours. How she’d slipped past my walls of general apathy and casual disregard to get to the reasons I’d put them up in the first place. Blue was chattering softly, though I probably would’ve been able to tune in with ease if she was saying anything I needed to answer. In any case, I had a moment to watch her and it was just the oddest thing; Blueberry didn’t remind me of anyone in particular. Maybe Twilight Velvet a bit for biscuit-related reasons, but other than her, no one was really close. Blue didn’t resemble Babs to any degree and there weren’t many female figures in my life that had any kind of motherly relationship to me besides Granny Altham. Granny Smith, however, was that woman’s spitting image, just a little green.
There were few mannerisms that Sketchy Sam and Blue could’ve ever shared in the first place, though that did make me think of Deputy Lucille. She’d looked out for me on the legal side of things a time or two and had at least tried to talk me into giving the system a try. Either way, she’d respected whatever I told her to a degree, and I had that same privilege with Blue. However, seeing Blueberry Tart casually munch a cookie while buzzing about her kitchen and completely forgetting that she’d offered them to me in the first place just reminded me that there was a different way to live out there.
No royal connections. No ambiguous star-signs. Forget the strange, unwanted powers… When Blue turned to me, she gave me a puzzled look and asked, “I’m sorry, did you want a cookie?”
“... Uh, yeah. Yeah.” I nodded.
Blue’s free hand found her hip and she glared at me, though she was more annoyed than mad if her scrunched-up nose and singular flicking ear were anything to go by. “... You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?”
… Taking a shot in the dark here. “You were talking about Mary and how you were out and about-”
“Oh-” She huffed. “Well, you could’ve acted like it. Anyway, they’re in the jar, but I told you that.”
She’d countered, but my ‘advancing guard’ had always been good in MvC. “Well, I would’ve gone for the thing if you didn’t start bounding about. You might not be heavy, but you are pointy.”
Blueberry rolled her eyes. “Do you have a preference on tea?”
“Black, always.”
“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?”
“Grey?”
“Again-”
“Whatever you think would be nice, Blue.”
She huffed. “Max, I asked for your preference.”
… You gotta be shitting me. “How about something for the nerves, then.”
Her eyes narrowed and she tried not to match my grin. “Sir Stallion over here with his smuggy-smug smug-mug. In fact, I have the perfect mug for a mug so smug.”
“Oh, what a hole I have dug by being so smug?”
“Shush, now you’re just being a goofball.”
“I swear that’s like, half the reason most people put up with me.”
Her brows bounced. “You’re probably not wrong.”
“Oi!”
She pointed at a jar on the counter. “It’s harder to talk around a cookie, so grab me another while you’re at it.”
“Yes, ma’am, of course, ma’am.”
“And without the lip, Mister!”
I chuckled and did as she asked, though I noticed that her stored biscuits were unusual to say the least. For being a pretty typical chocolate chip/chunk, they were unbelievably soft in the centre, yet reminded me of a corner piece of a brownie. The Mare made surprisingly good biscuits. “Christ, the other one might not make it over to you, Blue.”
“It better!”
Trying not to devour my own portion of deliciousness all at once was hard, but her biscuit still made it to her hand un-bitten. I was rewarded with tea and more of the wonderful little bastards, plus some conversation to go along with my treats. Now that I understood what Blue more or less meant to me, it was honestly easier for me to understand what I wanted to say and how to convey what I meant with her. Apparently she found my newfound choice of diction to her liking since we talked long into the night until she let out a yawn that was a little too heavy for my liking.
“Alright, alright, you don’t have to tell me a third time!” I chuckled, placing my drained cup back on the inn table, beaming at my… Friend?
Blue waved it off, but started yawning again anyway. “Oh, phooey! It’s just late is all!”
“I’d make a comment on your age, but it is like, three in the morning.”
“Mhm, and just what would you comment?”
“That an old Mare such as yourself should’ve been lying down with the sun, of course.”
“Max!”
“That’s my name, Blueberry.”
“I know it’s your name, I’m just saying I’m not that old!”
“We both know that. I’m still kind of surprised that you’re in your forties from time to time.”
She huffed. “Better.”
I stood and she rose with me. “And with ‘better’ on the mind, I’m thinking it’d be ‘better’ to let you get some actual sleep, yeah?”
“If only. Are you sure you want to go home at this time of night? I know it’s Ponyville and all-”
“Eh, it’s Ponyville. If there’s something meaner than me out here, then it missed its chance to get me by now, I’d say I’ll be fine, but I’ll send a note when I get home all the same, yeah?”
“Please do, and seriously; Be careful, okay?”
I gave her a quick hug and shot her a grin. “I will be, and lock the door when I go, okay?”
“Why?”
“If I have to be careful-”
“Oh, hush and shoo! Shoo!”
I let her push me toward the door and started walking, chuckling all the while prior to the Farmer’s Farewell getting a hold of us again and extending my visit by another ten minutes at the door. Even then, I still managed to thump the one Donkey dumb enough to try and mug people in Ponyville while being more distracted than he should’ve needed me to be. Giving him a good punch and leaving a note stuffed in his ear was all I needed to do, but I still sacrificed my belt to tie the fellow up nice and proper before heading to Town Hall. Knowing that the Cop Shop was on the opposite side as the main entrance, I stopped by and let Petal Prance know that I did her job for her. The guard promised to get someone out and make that arrest, but I didn’t really want to hold my breath on it.
Having dealt with the perfect night cap in someone’s eyes, I made my way home and scratched out that note to Blue as soon as I could. Sleep was next on my list of things to do, but I managed to slip into the mindscape before I let myself drift off and caught Noir in the middle of some meditation. Joining her was the natural thing to do, but after I’d sat for a moment, it was clear that I wasn’t going to be doing my thinking alone. Noir’s arm wrapped around my shoulder and a warm smile greeted me when I looked up at her.
She gave me a little squeeze and chuckled. “Better late than never, no?”
“In the words of someone bluer than you; Shush.”
“I could, but I do not think it would be a good time for it.”
I snuggled up to her. “You wouldn’t be wrong, but… Why did I have to figure all that out for myself, Blackberry?”
“There are some things in life that are best learned through one’s own experience, of course. I could have easily told you that Blue saw herself as a motherly figure towards you or that you shared the opinion, but is it not more rewarding for you to come across the conclusion yourself?”
“Not really.”
“... Well, that is your opinion.”
“Is it really, though? Because I kind of could’ve had the same idea-”
“Shush, I was correct to take the course I chose.”
“Sure.”
“Twilight chose it as well.”
“And she’s not always right, but I get where you’re coming from all the same. Thanks for looking out for me, Noir, even if you should’ve just-”
“Nope, I should not have and I will deny that I, in any way, should have.”
I gave her jaw a little peck. “So how well did I handle it?”
Blackberry hummed for a second. “I think Blue will appreciate your more platonic affections as you present them. Previously, there was an air of flirtation that I do not doubt she was aware of.”
“I wasn’t trying to-”
“I know and so does Blueberry, Maximus. Worry not; Your intentions are clear to those who care enough to consider them.”
“That’s great and all, but still…”
“Momma’s boy.”
“Noir-”
“Does Momma’s boy want some milky-wilky?”
“Noir, I swear to-”
“Does my widdle Waxy-Maxy want some-” I rubbed my hand over her breast and the fabric disappeared under my touch. Since she’d been offering, I latched onto her nipple and saw if she was full of shite or- Well, full of milk, I guess. “Hmm~ That is not the worst feeling, though I invite you to cease.”
I licked the stiffened tip of her breast. “You literally taste like blackberries, and I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was.” She went to answer, but I gave her another lick and her voice caught in her throat. Noir gave me a look, so I ‘fixed’ her outfit, leaving her topless, but with a long skirt. “Hm? Were you saying something?”
Noir raised a hand, snapping her fingers to get a sport’s bra on to cover herself. “Should you not ask prior to undressing a woman?”
“We’ve wrestled naked, though.”
“Still.”
“You’ve molested my sausage.”
“Over your clothes, if I recall.”
I snorted and nuzzled her. “And you’d deprive me of your warmth, even while knowing that such meagre cloth is all that keeps me from freezing…”
“It is expected for you to be so affectionate, though ‘cloth’ holds little weight in terms of making two people ‘closer’. You are plenty close, Max.”
Rubbing her back with my right hand, I managed to find her free hand so I could hold it. “... Feel like you’re about to slap me with some truth.”
“I will if you ask.”
“You would even if I didn’t. You would’ve just told me about Blue if you didn’t care as much as you do.”
“... Then I feel that you will accept it when I say that you are craving intimacy like that which you shared with Twilight and Cadance. As little as sex means to you, making love is an entirely different event, and sharing your love with Twilight through Cadance was a feeling I am quite sure that you are conscious of enjoying.”
“I get that and it’s nice to know… Just can’t pressure Twilight for deep-style boner-sex…”
“Your concern is admirable and adorable.”
“Yeah, yeah… But thanks for letting me know, I guess. It’s better to be aware of it than to start heading in a direction and regret it.”
Noir ran her fingers through my hair, the general feeling of an actual seat forming beneath us before it became soft and solid. “It is a favour you need not repay.” I nuzzled her some more and made a contented noise, magicking my shirt away so I could feel her fur on my skin. “Max.”
“Mhm?”
“You are losing clothes.”
“You’re warm and soft. What did you expect?”
Noir hesitated for a moment, but then she turned toward me a bit and held on, leaning back until she came to a stop with my weight partially resting on her. My cheek had been on the strappy bit of her bra until that piece of cloth disappeared, her skirt leaving her person simultaneously. I decided that trousers were too much trouble, so Noir and I cuddled in our skivvies for a moment before I lifted my head and checked out her undergarments. For the briefest of moments, I’d wondered whether she was wearing silk breeches or something, but upon inspection, I saw that she was essentially wearing boy-briefs or hipsters. I’d just been curious as to what she’d wear on a regular basis, but I couldn’t help finding her graphic undies to be quite alluring. While being a plain dark blue satin or silk, the trifecta of blackberries made them cuter than they were sexy.
Instead of feeling to see if the images were monogrammed as I thought, I just laid my head back down and snuggled for all that I was worth. Noir’s warmth really was unmatched in the field of cuddles, and she was the best person I’d ever met when the question of ‘little spoon’ came up and eyes were on me. Maybe it was the fact that Noir was even more solid than Applejack, or maybe it was the fact that her fur was as soft as Twilight’s, but it certainly didn’t hurt that she was soft around the hips and chest. As little thought as I’d put into sleeping with Noir in general, I couldn’t help the arousal bubbling up within me as I was trying to enjoy my Goddamn motherfucking cuddles.
I scooted up a bit so that my face wasn’t pretty much squished into her jiggly bits, allowing her to reach the border of my waist and bum comfortably. Noir kept her hand on my hip, however, or let it rest near my lumbar while I tried to both cherish our time together and enjoy it a little less. As relaxed as I’d been when she first put her arm around me, the fact that I was more than ready for a little action wasn’t lost on me. I’d kind of been hoping to convince Twilight for some Quality Time prior to dinner and hadn’t put much thought into it while with Blue for obvious reasons. However, being with a woman that I respected more than damn near any other I’d known while being more comfortable with her than I was with even Twilight sure as fuck didn’t make things less hard.
While on the topic of firm things and tasks in general, I leaned into Noir with my upper body so that I could scoot away a bit and save her from being poked. With her arm where it was, she didn’t let me move at all. After a moment, I just gave her a look. “Really?”
“Am I not allowed to reap the benefits of nearly-nude cuddling?”
“Well, I was trying to be polite-”
“Maximus, women are not often offended when we join you in bed and happen to feel an erection growing. It is a compliment and one of the things that we get out of cuddling other than the obvious.”
“No point in backing off, then.” I let myself melt against her, except for the fact that Mr. Wiggles couldn’t fuckin’ wiggle if he tried.
There was a hand on my bottom for a moment as Noir giggled. “For such a slender figure, your assets are quite fun.”
“I guess I’ll never really get the appeal of a guy, so I’ll take your word for it.”
She kissed my forehead and paused. I didn’t do anything, trying to clear my mind to get my woody to wander off. Her next target was my nose and I decided that it wasn’t going to go unanswered, getting Noir kissed and leading into a session of snogging that transitioned into gentle petting. I wouldn’t have turned her down if she offered and I doubt that Noir would’ve had many reasons to say no. As heated as the moments grew, they cooled and Blackberry eventually blueballed me so hard, I had my first wet dream in…
A good fuckin’ while, honestly. I just got back from visiting her to bitch about it, having arrived after she found some relief for herself. All in all, bitch knew what she did and laughed about it.
☾✯☽☾☽Ω☾☽☾✯☽
The next day… Started weird, I guess. After taking care of business for myself last night with incredibly vivid thoughts of Twilight, Noir, and sometimes Cadance because why not, I managed to get a good amount of sleep that I wouldn’t usually be upset with. However, I was down for nearly eight hours, woke up, and saw that it wasn’t far from noon. Being too tired to get out of bed, I went right back to sleep and didn’t fucking get up until three in the afternoon. With my sleep schedule fucked and my day mostly eaten by my own bullshit, I looked around, saw no notes, and decided to write one to Twilight and pass along the good news.
She replied pretty quickly, having teleported over and found that I couldn’t be woken for some reason. Apparently I was just nabbing the extra internal-healing I needed to do since I felt fucking fantastic before I even got a reply from the lady I loved most. That being said, Twilight was thrilled to find out that I was done being thick and was all too happy to suggest some ‘bonding’ stuff for me to do with Blue. Even though my opinion still leaned in favour of me being past the point of needing a mother/matronly-figure in my life, it’s not like I was going to stop talking or chatting with Blue. I liked her and I trusted her, which was more than I could say for a lot of people that I knew on Earth and Equus.
Twilight had taken the time to send me a quick list, but I knew that she would’ve started on a longer one immediately after. It fit with my agenda for the day to just message her back and forth, but then she teleported into my foyer with Spike. “Oi, who’s that there in me bloody house?”
“Hush, Max,” Twilight huffed at conversation volume.
“It’s still weird that he can hear you-”
“And you, Bruv.”
“Freaky…” Spike commented.
I heard Twilight pat his back and they came into sight shortly after. She could’ve hit like, a pedestal or something, but I figured it was Spike since it made a lot more sense and had a meatier sound on top of that. I waved them over, having put my journal away a few minutes prior to their arrival. Spike had his book in hand, but wasn’t writing in it, even as he sat down. Twilight claimed her complementary kiss for visiting me without having to be asked and I gave her another as a bonus for being cute. She was wearing a simply lovely outfit that coordinated with itself so well, I could’ve sworn it was one of the few that I’d put together for her while shopping. With the black skirt and wine accents of the skirt mirrored in the blouse she’d chosen, Twilight looked fucking snackable.
Of course, she just had to stroll on over while looking like the hottest tamale to ever come out of a corn husk. Yeah, yup, just had to bring Spike over when I was already hornier than Ponies are furry, but I wasn’t going to complain about family time. I could gobble Twilight up whenever and I could just snap a picture of how fucking cute she was if I really wanted to, so I started plotting and kept up the casual parts of the ‘howdydo’ and ‘how’re you’, but Twilight had a topic she wanted to get to and I wasn’t going to stop her.
Spike wasn’t writing yet, even as Twilight sat down and finally managed to get to the reason she came over. “Alright, so tell me everything! How did it really sink in that Blueberry was more like a Mom to you?”
Little Bruv’s brows shot up and he smiled as I rolled my eyes and answered. “Well, she started talking about how she gave birth to someone my age and I mentioned that I could probably curl up small enough to crawl in if she ever-”
Twilight whacked me, and again it was a little harder than I really thought necessary. “Max! Not only is that super gross, it’s incredibly rude!”
I rubbed my arm and shot her a shitty look. “Wow, it’s almost like I was joking or something.”
“And I’m sure you wouldn’t take it to heart if some mare called your thing small.”
“Not gonna get into that one, but anyway, I sarcastically called Blue ‘Mum’ and she didn’t think it was a bad thing to call her.”
“It wouldn’t be if you could stop hitting on her.”
Spike snorted and I felt my face heat up. “It’s not like I do it on purpose, Twi.”
“I know. You were kind of surprised that I wasn’t happy with how close you two are and that was probably the biggest way for me to know you didn’t see Blue romantically. From there, it was just paying attention to her.”
I shrugged, thumbing my nose. “Yeah, well, I sorted that out, so I think we can-”
“We’re not going to drop it, Amour.”
“Oi, Spike-” His face lit up.
“Hey,” Twilight practically barked, her tone a fair bit more stern than was warranted. “Don’t you recall saying something about ‘dealing with stuff’? I mean, once or twice?”
“While I do remember-”
“Then what are you gonna do!?” Twilight threw her hands up, sighing when she brought them down. “Oh, I can’t imagine what it must be like to find a connection like that randomly! I mean, I know you kind of just showed up and all-”
“Then it kind of stands to reason that a lot of stuff in my life is random, init?”
Cherry’s brow dipped for a moment, but she seemed to brush whatever she’d noticed off. “Right? I guess I should’ve thought of that, but still! I’m happy for you, Max!”
I offered her a small, tight smile. “Thanks and all, but nothing’s changed. Probably not gonna visit Blue or see her much more often than I do now, and what’s changing even then?” My lover stared at me, a smile frozen on her face. “Yeah, I like Blue, and now I know what she means to me, one way or another. I don’t know what that actually affects.”
Twilight’s smile faded bit by bit. “Well… I guess there wouldn’t actually be that much, but… Isn’t it exciting?”
My brow furrowed. “Blue’s a friend regardless of what role she plays in my life, Twilight. I guess I just don’t understand what’s different other than having a name for the bond.”
“I- Well, I-” Twilight pursed her lips, took a moment to think, then sighed. “... I guess there isn’t actually much to get excited about… I could’ve just told you and I don’t think anything would be going much different…”
I gestured toward her. “That’s essentially what I told Noir during my nightly visit and she refused to admit that she was wrong on any level. Tall bitch is difficult, which is why you’re cooler.”
Twilight puffed a laugh through her nose. “Cuter, sure, but cooler is always going to go the other way, Amour.”
“Nah, you are cuter, but you’re also cooler. Then again, comparing you to other people isn’t fair to anyone since no one really matches up to you.”
“You’re trying to get kissed, Max-”
Spike cleared his throat. “Hey, before you guys munch-mouths for the next three hours-”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “Spykoranuvellitar, that’s not what we do!” He stared at her. “It’s not! “
He nodded, not believing her for a damn second. “... Alright, before either of you lie about something else, can you give me an honest opinion on my book, Max?”
I chuckled, reaching over to nab it from him. “I’m gonna need to hold onto it for a day or two so I can actually enjoy it, though I can skim if you want. I’d rather crack it open and have some tea, y’know?”
He beamed at me. “Well, that’s pretty much what I came over for, anyway. Drop it off, maybe uh... Get a note when you’re done?”
“I gotcha covered, mate. Off to see the Apples and Bloom, yeah?”
Spike blushed a bit. “Maaaybe…”
“Mhm, yeah, just keep it kosher, Bruv.”
He flapped a hand at me. “Geez! You act like I’m gonna just walk up and do something inappropriate!”
“Well, in some cultures-”
Twilight gently tugged on my ear. “Shush, Mister. Spike?” He lifted his brows, waiting for her to finish. “I trust you and Max more than pretty much anypony else, so while I’d tell Max to mind his behaviour, I don’t think you need the reminder.”
My lover let go of my ear and I ‘tackled’ her into the couch. “Who’s minding what behaviour? Hm?”
She tried to answer, but I started tickling her and Spike laughed along, his mood seeming pretty damn bright. “I love you guys. I have the sheafer on me, so I’ll send a note if anything happens.”
Twilight had to answer while I refused to stop kissing her nose. “Max- Ma- Max- Lemme- Max!”
She broke into laughter when I licked her cheek. “Keep us updated, and be careful, okay Lil’ Bruv?”
“No problem.”
Cherry made a frustrated noise. “Well, I love you too, Spike,” She continued looking up at my grinning face, trying to appear upset, “and I’d give you a hug, but I’m a little wrapped up at the moment.”
I glanced at him before I grabbed Twilight’s wrists, though he was already walking over to kiss her forehead. “See ya soon, Twi.”
She pouted, having had her plans foiled in the earliest of stages. “See you soon. Take care, okay?”
Spike was already taking off, just throwing up a hand that only I could see as he strode away. “Don’t let Max make you do anything explosive!”
Twilight decided that it wasn’t a random, throwaway joke and Spike hurried on out of my house after getting me in trouble for no fuckin’ reason. “Explosive, huh?”
“I dunno what he means either, Cherry.” My lover kept glaring at me, but I wasn’t having her shite. “I don’t encourage or instruct Spike to blow things up in any way, shape, or form, Twilight Sparkle, and I resent that look you’re giving me.”
“Have you ever told Spike to blow something up or set something on fire?”
“Explosions, no. Setting stuff on fire is how we send notes, Cherry.”
“You know what I meant.” I shrugged and she huffed. While I was still mounting her and more or less had her at my ‘mercy’ I snuck in another kiss and her irritation started melting even faster. “... You’re such a cheater, Max.”
“How so?”
“I can’t exactly give you any kisses while you’re holding me down.”
“Why wait for you to give me the kisses when I can take them and give them to you?”
“Because giving is better than receiving!”
“Well, you can give me a kiss anytime.” She gave me a look. “I’m waiting.”
“I can’t move, Max.”
“Huh, how ‘bout that?”
Twilight waited a full thirty seconds, trying to glare at me while I dillied, dallied, and dawdled. “... Amour?”
“Yes, my sweetest, dearest love?”
She waited a sec and sighed, rolling her eyes. “... Can I get up?”
“Probably. I’m pretty sure you’re actually magical or something, so it would be reasonable to assume-”
“I’ll give you three kisses to quit being so damn cute! Three!”
I bit my lip, trying to appear unsure. “... Three kisses from Twilight Starbright Sparkle herself…” She rolled her eyes again, giving up her attempts to be annoyed as she tried not to show just how much she was actually enjoying herself. I kept her oppressed like the woman she was as I thought of the rights that my male superiority would allow me to extend to her. “... Hm…”
“Max.”
“I dunno, Twi, I can just keep stealing these kisses from you and I’ll have more than three pretty soon.” I leaned down and gave her a little peck, though her hands were freed from my grasp so I wasn’t putting pressure on her. Twilight returned my kiss with one of her own and the snogging didn’t stop there.
Having already been in the mood for my entire morning and a good portion of the night prior, I hadn’t really intended on ‘making a move’. I probably should’ve seen what I was doing since I’d repositioned myself so that I could kiss her jaw, neck, and collar. For some reason, I was fucking randy and Twilight had seemed rather ready to add another dose of sexuality to our relationship when we’d been with Cadance. However, a gentle push was all the answer I needed to the question I hadn’t actually asked. Twilight’s breath was shaky as I rose, giving her some space. She’d started to remove her hand from my chest, but I held it there for a moment.
“Max…” She bit her lip, but let me have her other hand.
I pulled and she rose, letting me hold our hands between us. “I’m not mad or anything-”
“And I really appreciate it, but still, I’m…”
Twilight’s gaze fell to our hands, her shoulders raising slightly. The trembling in her fingers wasn’t easing as quickly as usual. “Cherry… I’m not upset in the slightest, but I am worried about you.” Her shoulders raised and she tucked her chin to her chest. “No, no, Twilight, nothing’s wrong, I’m not disappointed-”
“Yes, you are…” She murmured.
“Think I’ll be the judge of how I feel, yeah?” I stroked her cheeks with the back of my hand before cupping her jaw so I could see what exactly was written on her face. “Twilight, before we even started treading sexy waters in our relationship, I told you that waiting for sex isn’t a dealbreaker. It’s still not something I’m ever going to fault you for. Four weeks out of five, if you’re ready, then that’s wonderful. If not, then I still get to be with you, Twilight…”
I got up so I could hold her, so Twilight sat me back down and cuddled up to my chest. “... I don’t even know why, Max… It’s just…”
I kissed the top of her head. “It’s just what, Cherry?”
“... I feel…” She tensed up. “I just don’t feel like you have the Mare you think you do…”
“Weird. I wasn’t aware that you ever pretended to be anyone other than Twilight Sparkle.”
“Amour…”
“Twilight, do you remember that I stuck my dick in Celestia?”
“... Yeah?”
“And I penised Fluttershy, right?”
“... Yes…”
“Fuck Rarity, but I also had sex with her, didn’t I?”
“Max, I don’t know what you’re trying to get at-”
“The lips on your face and the words that leave those lips mean more to me than all three of those women put together, Twilight. Your smiles mean more to me than… Damn near anything, Cherry-”
“Max, I get it. I really do… It’s just not that important to you, but… What kind of mare can’t even summon up the teats to… Take the step, with their special somepony?”
“Probably one that’s a bit scared of dick, to answer in all seriousness.”
Twilight pulled away long enough to let me see the look on her face melt away as she actually considered it. “... Huh…”
“It’s one thing to drink a glass of wine. It’s another matter entirely to pour it in your ear.”
I’d rolled the dice and got a giggle out of her. “Well, when you put it like that, it makes a lot of sense… Even if I don’t like admitting that a singular part of an entire gender’s anatomy kind of really scares the daylights out of me… It’s accurate.”
“Well, you are tighter than the atoms that make up a sculpture.”
“And your peppermint stick is jumbo-sized!” She huffed, sounding kind of offended.
“... I mean, thanks and all, but I get the feeling that you meant it as an insult.”
“And what do you mean-”
“Twilight Sparkle-” I started chuckling. “Come on! It was a compliment!”
“Mhm.”
“Would you rather have me-” I paused. “Wait, how was it an insult to say that Blue has a cavern and yet it’s still an insult to say the exact opposite? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Well- I mean… It- It just doesn’t really work out when you try to plant a full-grown oak in a flower pot.”
“How would you know?”
“Experience,” She murmured, though I didn’t react until after she spoke at conversation volume. “Let’s just say that some spells are better cast after you double-check your double-checks.”
I snorted. “As long as you weren’t tryin’ to sleep-creep my dongle, I guess.”
“Sleep-creep?”
“Ah… Having sex or otherwise doing that kind of stuff with someone that’s sleeping or passed out in general.”
“... Is it bad?”
“Uh…” I mean, yeah? “I guess it depends on prior consent, but that goes for all of that kinda shite. If someone tells you that you can uh… Take advantage of them being in a situation, then yeah, that’s fine. If someone passes out or goes to sleep and they don’t tell you beforehand, then that’s fucked up and you should probably be punched.”
Twilight snuggled up to me and held onto my arm. “... What if you just touch it a little…?”
“If it’s a stranger, you’re a creep. If it’s your partner, then there’s a few situations where it’s perfectly fine. Waking up to a blowjob or just having your hands wander in the morning is fuckin’ great. That said, we slept in the same bed a number of times prior to introducing sexual stuff into our relationship and neither of us were terribly handsy then, yeah?”
The sigh of relief I’d been hoping for came and went. “Goodness, I thought I was going to have to apologize for a moment…”
“Oh, Cherry, sometimes I’m just pretending to sleep. You’re fine.”
She snorted. “Ass.”
“But I’m your-” My jaw dropped and I gasped.
“Yes, Max, you’re my ass.” My lover patted my chest and chuckled as I came to the greatest revelation of all time.
“Twilight…”
“I know what I said-”
“Twilight…” I sniffled. “Thank you…”
“... Okay, what?” She ceased the cuddling to ask the same question with her expression rather than verbally repeating herself.
“Your arse is the greatest arse, and if I’m your arse-”
“Oh- Max, shush!” She burst into laughing, giving me a gentle shove as she flashed me a sight more desirable than any tiddies could ever be. “Really, though… You’re not disappointed?”
“That depends on whether I’m losing my kisses from your promise earlier or not.”
“Then I’ll get started on giving them to you~” And so she gave me a single peck that was not enough.
We snogged for a minute or two, but I was fuckin’ hot and bothered and the foreplay wasn’t going to pay off. Or so I thought, I should say. Twilight took ‘matters’ into her own hands and I was hit with the knowledge that she’d never given a- Er, she’d never given a guy a hand. As with plenty of things since we’d made our relationship official, I broke it down to Twilight as best I could and she worked out the rest with intuition. It’s not exactly hard to lend a hand, though I’ll admit that some of my worst consensual experiences were at the hands of careless people. Cherry, however, had a surgeon’s grip and Michael J. Fox’s steady hand. There were a few things I’d rather be doing, but one of those immediately followed the helping hand after Twilight tasted the results of her efforts.
Even after I tried to tell her that I’d calm down in a little while, Twilight wasn’t exactly hard-pressed to get me to agree. Despite knowing her lips to be more helpful than her hands had proven, I was still surprised that her assistance wasn’t needed as long as the first time. The second favour usually took longer to complete, but that didn’t even matter. That said, Cherry let me return the favour and we started counting soon after. We almost got to seventy, but we had to stop shy because counting to seventy is a very difficult, titanic task. Don’t get me wrong, I prefer multiples of ten like every other normal person, but I can still settle for anything that’ll divide evenly. On the same vein though, fuck prime numbers, even if 3 is a solid least-common-denominator.
Apparently counting above ten makes me oblivious as fuck since Fluttershy managed to get into my house without me noticing. Twilight, however, let me know that we had company. “Uh…”
I wasn’t too concerned at the moment. “Hm?”
“... Hey there... Fluttersha-Haa~!”
“I-I-I’m sorry-”
“M-Mmmmaaax!”
I gave her lips a final kiss, sighing through my nose. “Well, if you wanna let me up…?”
Twilight did me the favour of putting Mr. Wiggles back where she him found them prior to standing. Cherry’s embarrassment was mirrored in Fluttershy. “Hi…”
I thumbed my nose. “Sup?”
Twilight glanced at me. “Um…”
They both got the same look. “... I’m sorry, do you two not remember seeing each other naked?”
My lover grimaced. “W-Well-”
“And I’m pretty sure both of you have already seen my dongle, let alone the things that followed after seeing it.”
Fluttershy cracked a small, awkward smile. “I-It’s a little…”
“It’s different when somepony walks in, Max…” Twilight maintained.
“Speaking of, don’t just walk in my fuckin’ house.” Fluttershy bit her lips. “Please, I should say.”
“Y-You didn’t answer the door…” I just stared at her. “... Sorry…”
I nodded. “Yeah, thanks, stop doing it though.” Flutters hid behind her hair. “What’s up, anyway?”
“O-Oh… I just…”
There was no point in waiting for her to get on with it, but Twilight asked before I could. “Is it about the Bridleland trip?”
Flutters waffled for a few seconds. “... It’s… More about Rarity than that.”
Cherry sighed and I gestured toward her. “State your peace.”
Fluttershy brushed her hair over her shoulder and struggled to meet my gaze, trying Twilight next. Apparently my lover shared my lack of enthusiasm for the subject. “... Some ponies just need one more chance… Max, you understand that better than anypony I know…”
I waited for her to carry on or at least look me in the eye. When she let me know that I had her attention with her furtive glance, I just sighed. “... Fluttershy… I have better and more plentiful reasons to murder Rarity in the middle of Ponyville than you have to come here and ask me to give her another shot at fucking me over.”
Even Twilight shuddered, despite knowing that I truly hated the woman. “Max… That’s a little-”
I looked at her. “Twilight, it’s not worth my time to pretend at this point because apparently it’s not clear. I fuckin’ hate Rarity. If Celestia wasn’t a factor, then I’d have beat her arse senseless by now, if not worse.”
Fluttershy shook where she stood, though to her credit, it wasn’t fear that made her tremble. “Then I suggest you remember Celestia, huh?”
“How did you feel about Mineral Zeal, Flutters?”
Twilight blanched as our mutual friend narrowed her eyes at me. “... Zeal was a terrible pony, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”
“Because the only people in this town who knew that Rarity has raped me at least twice were me and Twilight prior to this conversation.”
Fluttershy squared her jaw. “That’s not something a pony should say lightly, Max.” She tried to stare me down, but there was no reason for her freaky Guilt-Glare to work. Her shoulders began to slump as the steel melted right out of her spine. “... That can’t be true…”
“It is.”
Cherry held her hands to her heart, fidgeting with her fingers. “Max… I know it’s a lot to hold onto-”
“Yeah, Twilight. I’m real sick an’ fuckin’ knackered with havin’ to hold on. These snow-coated cunts fuck me without my consent, fuck with my life and reputation, and just fuck me in general.” I gave my attention back to Fluttershy, who seemed to understand that my patience wasn’t going to last forever. That my forgiveness only went so far. “As far as I’m concerned, your timing is great and shite simultaneously. Convenient for me since I can tell you here and now; You either drop Rarity or you drop me. You wanna back a manipulator who uses people you care about? People you’re supposed to love?” I gestured toward her, trying to goad a response out of her.
Fluttershy’s lips formed a tight line. “As many issues as you have with Rarity, I don’t think a good friend would give me an ultimatum. I really do love you, Max-”
“Evidently not, Fluttershy. Evidently fuckin’ not.” She warmed up a glare that I answered with words sharper than her ocular daggers. “The moment you call Rarity Belle a friend, you are officially nothing to me, Fluttershy, and that’s the best I can break on that. ” Her eyes widened, lips parting.
My lover sucked air through her teeth. “Max-”
“Would you have the time of day for Rarity, Twilight?” I asked, giving her a droll look. “Because not only has she abused my authority to bully her competition in Canterlot, she also set Spike up and hit him because she damn well knows she can’t lash out at me or you. I don’t think we need to go down the Goddamn list at this point, so...?”
If her shoulders were any higher, they’d have been level with her ears. “... Max, I support you one-hundred percent… But is this really wise?”
“I gotta make this clear, Twilight. I’m fuckin’ tired of Rarity, and I don’t wanna deal with anyone who supports her.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “... A real friend wouldn’t make a-”
“Oh my-” I jolted and my hands came up before I tensed and struggled to control my voice. “Get out of my house. Get out. Get the fuck out.” Twilight laid a hand on my shoulder while I avoided looking at Fluttershy so I didn’t get more pissed off. “Why the- Fluttershy, the fuckin’-” I brushed Twilight off and was on my feet in two seconds. “Who the fuck are you to stand in my Goddamn house while you still associate with that cunt whorse!? Who the fuck are you to dare imply that you, at any level, are being a good friend to me!?” I bore my teeth and lurched toward her, catching myself before I could take a second step, though Twilight was in front of me right as I pulled back.
“Amour,” Twilight crooned softly, “I think it’d be a good time for tea, don’t you?”
I tried not to glare at her and failed for several seconds, shaking my head. Despite trying to take it down a notch or three, I still pointed a judicious finger at Fluttershy. “... I’m not a good guy, Flutters, but I still got some kinda morals. Loose, yeah, but I got ‘em. Rarity would smile in your face while robbing you blind and she probably has. No one seems to be safe from being used by her. I don’t believe for a second that you are.”
Fluttershy shed her tears, but I really couldn’t have cared less. “... Doesn’t friendship-”
Twilight responded before I could snap at her. “Fluttershy, Rarity’s a good friend to you. She is a good friend to you specifically. If you can’t see how terrible she is as a pony…” My lover rubbed her arms, having come to her own conclusion. “... I’m sorry, Fluttershy… But I don’t want Rarity to keep hurting my special-somepony or my brother, and... You’re saying that you do not have a problem with how she treats ponies…”
“That’s not it!” Fluttershy tried to shout, but she’s quiet. I’ve said that. “I-I… I don’t think any of it’s okay-”
“Then why do you blame Max for hating her…?”
Fluttershy’s lips ceased their trembling and her hands fell to her sides. Her eyes locked onto my floor for a few minutes and she eventually answered. “... I can’t…”
Cherry nodded and sighed. “Neither can I. If Rarity can prove she’s willing to change and actually does it… Then she still has a lot to answer for. Celestia is never going to punish her for what she’s done or let anyone else do it, Fluttershy. Ponies who abuse that kind of privilege just…” Twilight shrugged.
Fluttershy inhaled shakily, her cheeks twitching as her lips started trembling again. She shook her head and stomped her hoof. “Fine! Fine! If you don’t want to stick with a pony you’re supposed to be friends with-”
“Fluttershy de Lis. My friend raped my coltfriend. Is she my friend?” Cherry deadpanned, swinging her arms out. “I love you, Fluttershy, but get your head out of your flank. Stars forbid someone force you into anything and you don’t hold it against them for weeks, let alone an actual felony.” Flutters pursed her lips, her steam having condensed in the face of Twilight chilly retort. “... Honestly… The more you defend Rarity… The less of a mare you are.”
“Twilight, that’s not fair-”
“Fluttershy,” My lover groaned. “What- Does Rarity have to kill someone in front of you for you to understand? Do you need physical evidence to reiterate that her morals belong in the potty!?” As irritated as I’d been, Cherry seemed to be giving up on being polite. “There’s a fine line between being loyal and being stupid.” Fluttershy’s raised brows and gaping oral orifice were enough to know that she hadn’t expected to be insulted. “It’s one thing to just not know. It’s an entirely different thing to be this wilfully ignorant. You might be right when you say a good friend wouldn’t make you choose, but you know what? As high and mighty as you wanna pretend you are, you’ve been a shitty friend to Max anyway.”
Fluttershy’s hands balled into fists, “I have not! I have not been a shitty friend, Twilight! You take that back! I am not a bad friend!”
“So when Applejack punched Roxy…?” Christ, Twilight… Never heard you so… Callous...
“Th-That was different!” Fluttershy protested. “It- It-”
“Applejack punched Roxy because she thought Miss Human was deceiving all of us for some kind of evil plot. Rarity assaulted Max… Why?” Butterbuns didn’t have an answer for that. “Yeah, Fluttershy, you were sooo mad when Applejack just punched a mare you knew for less than a week, but your supposed ‘friend’ doesn’t have an ounce of your support when most of our group has known for years that Rarity isn’t an honest mare? So what, Fluttershy? Roxy is more important than Max? Is that why you defended her?”
“I didn’t say that-”
“Did I lie, Fluttershy?”
“N-No-”
“Then why doesn’t Rarity deserve the same if not worse treatment than you yourself gave Applejack? Is it because Max is a guy?” Flutters floundered, but I was too curious and apathetic towards her feelings to give a shit about saving her arse. “Fluttershy! Come on! Can you not explain yourself? Do you not understand that Rarity is so much worse for what she’s done than Applejack, just from the motives alone?”
Fluttershy stomped again and squealed, “Stop attacking me, Twilight! I didn’t do anything!”
“You-” Twilight scoffed, holding a hand to her head. “Get out. Get out, you blameless victim. You-” My lover chuckled, but it wasn’t a sound I enjoyed hearing. “You’re buckin’ right you didn’t do a damn thing, Fluttershy. You are so. Bucking. Correct.” As she’d done for me, I laid a hand on Twilight’s shoulder, watching and listening carefully to gauge whether I was going to need to step in. Her heart was pounding to the point I could just barely make out the sound of her blood racing through her veins. “You? What did you do when Applejack put Max in the hospital? Because I know for a fact you never visited. I know for a fact you never said a word to Applejack about it directly. When Rarity slapped Spike? You agreed to watch him. You watched her slap him. And what exactly did you do, Fluttershy? What did you do then?”
“Twi.”
“Oh, I’m not done-”
I slid my hand across her back to the other shoulder, ignoring the fire in her eyes while she glowered at me. “It’s about time we finish. We’re not getting anywhere.” I gestured toward Fluttershy. “Like I said; Rarity’s a piece a’ shite and if you don’t see that, I don’t wanna see you. I understand sticking with a friend through thick and thin, but I refuse to associate with a person as morally bereft as either of the Belles. I’m done breaking bread with backstabbing manipulators, and yes, Fluttershy; When you decide that kind of person is the person you wanna be around, then I gotta say I trust you a lot less-”
“Seconded,” Cherry cut in. “When you’re aware of a pony doing wrong and you keep hanging out with them, you’re guilty by association.”
Sad that I have to treat this ‘grown’ woman like a damn child, but whatever. I pointed at Twilight and Fluttershy shook her head, trying to be disappointed, mad, sad, and betrayed all at the same time. Unfortunately, I was feeling the same way and felt that my reasons were far better. “Pretty much.”
“Well…” Fluttershy sniffed, her arms folded as she struggled to find a rebuttal. Struggled to justify Rarity’s actions and her acceptance of them. A minute passed and she’d begun to grip her arms, still not on her way out of my Goddamn house. “... It’s…”
She looked at Twilight while I was holding onto her, so I couldn’t see my lover’s face when she replied. Her voice, however, told me that she was as sick of it as I was. “Fluttershy… What is it about Rarity that you’re defending?”
“... She’s not always bad, Twilight…”
I scoffed. “And neither is Celestia, but she still purposefully asked you to stay in my house so she could give Velvet Breeze a good reason to break up with me.” Fluttershy stared, her brows furrowing for a second as I continued. “And she knew you were in estrus and that it would affect me. Rarity has the same kind of cunt-like tendencies, Flutters. She’s not afraid to lie to your face and manipulate a situation that would benefit both of you to only benefit her if it means she gets more than she would’ve.”
“Like when she had you model for her and you started getting famous,” Twilight remarked, seeming to finally get through to Butter-Belly. “Yes, Fluttershy, it makes no sense that your popularity tanked for ‘ruining the displays’ when you’re you. Applejack? I’d believe it. Pinkie? Yeah, of course. Me? Without a doubt. You, though?” Cherry shrugged. “I know for a fact that you were hurt when she said that you were messing up her stuff and that Rarity talks about it like it was ‘simply unavoidable’. Rarity not having the know-how to fix or prevent whatever you, of all ponies, could possibly do wrong on a runway, though?”
“... I… I didn’t- I just…”
“Because you were more famous than she was, yeah,” I agreed. “I know Fleur de Lis said something about Rarity slighting ‘one of the most graceful naturals’ she’d ever seen out of the industry because her dresses weren’t gaining the same traction the model was, but I didn’t think about it too hard. Should’ve known.”
Twilight glanced at me. “When did she tell you that?”
While my dick was in her and not pumping back out… At some point. “During the time I spent in Canterlot for her and Fancy’s soirée-thing.”
My lover nodded and gestured towards Fluttershy. “There you have it. Rarity’s burned everypony in our circle at least once without apologizing or even acknowledging that she did something wrong. The more you think about it…”
Flutters, to her credit, finally seemed to accept what we were telling her since it now involved her as well. “The more you think… The more there’s always been…”
Cherry nodded. “It’s a lot easier to defend somepony when it’s not your hooves they’re kicking. Feel free to take some time, Fluttershy, but our point still stands.”
Fluttershy nodded. “... I understand… And…” She shook her head, looking at the floor. “... I’m sorry…”
We watched her leave, or at least Twilight did. I chose to go and grab my bowl because being sober wasn’t what I wanted to do at the moment and I figured Purps could use a bit of a pick-me-up herself. I packed it and she provided the flame, giving us a little time to digest what had been said between the three of us. However, I wasn’t solely thinking of what the premise of the conversation had been. No, Twilight was truly showing that she was fully prepared to support me in the face of… Damn near everything that could come our way. My lover was taking on some of my qualities to be sure, and it was even more obvious when she’d been ready to go down Fluttershy’s throat for not seeing my side of things. Twilight was officially fed up with the bullshit, and her method of getting the point across seemed a lot better than mine for a lot of reasons. For one, she actually got Fluttershy to understand that Rarity was a piece of shite without having to have an actual shouting match with the woman.
The silence built along with a bit of tension, but I knew that it was a bullshit time to let it ride. I put my arm around my lover and held her close, fully prepared to let her know how I felt about the previous crap put on our plates. “... I love you, Twilight… And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you just how fuckin’ awesome you are.”
She chuckled, threading her arm behind me. “As much as I love you, it was kind of for me too.”
“Is that supposed to be a bad thing?”
“I mean… I think so, but I guess I was more upset on your behalf than I was for me.”
“Twilight, you aren’t confrontational unless someone’s fucking with your loved ones or said loved ones are doing stuff and not telling you. I love that protective fury that simmers in that smooth little belly of yours~”
“It’s pudgy…”
“Is it, now? Lemme feel, I’ll be honest!”
She nudged me with her horn. “What happened to ‘I’ll calm down in a bit’, huh?”
“What-” I thought about it. “Well, it’d get you more riled up than me, but I can settle for an ear rub if you can.”
“You want me to rub your ears?” Twi asked, giggling a bit.
“No, I wanna rub yours,” I replied as I started doing it.
“Well, I guess you knew you didn’t have to ask.” She nuzzled herself a little closer and hummed.
“I sense a question.”
“Well… Kinda.”
“Serious answer or joking answer; I’ll still be honest with you.”
“Which I always appreciate, but… You know how we were talking about… The next step, earlier?”
“Uh… Yeah! Yeah, yeah, Mr. Wiggles visiting the Cupcake Castle sometime for cuddles and cream.”
Twilight had another giggle at that. “Goober. Anyway… I was just wondering how you and Noir were… Getting along?”
“Oh, uh… Actually, now that you mention it, we still haven’t broached the subject of that kind of intimacy, but it seems to be on the table more often lately.”
“... What’s wrong, Max?”
“Hm? What do you mean?” I wasn’t aware of adding any kind of negative connotation or inflection to what I’d said, so I was legitimately wondering what Twilight was thinking.
“I mean you just… Don’t sound all that enthusiastic about having Quality Time with Noir…”
“It’s not really how our relationship is, Twi. It’s kinda like sleeping with my teacher, mentor, and therapist all in the same person. I love Noir to death and back, but I don’t think either of us appreciate our relationship because of the potential for pee-pee-in-vee-vee time.”
Twilight hummed again. “You know… It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to visit with Noir, and since it seems like Fluttershy and Rarity are going to cancel on the Bridleland trip, we might not have the moment when we go…”
I chuckled. “Then do you wanna make a quick visit and catch up?”
“If you don’t mind.”
“Actually, we’ll be in my mind.”
“Hush, goofball.”
I snorted. “I’ll see you in there, Cherry.”
As usual, it took three deep, solid breaths to feel the shift into the mindscape, though it was somehow more… Vibrant, than usual. It’s not like I’d ever had trouble with the mindscape being muted or anything since it was my own damn mind, but still. It was oddly colourful when I opened my eye and saw that Noir had chosen to redecorate my current house instead of using my old one like usual. It wasn’t a big deal, nor was I offended in the slightest with her frankly tasteful sense of decorum. Most of my house was actually reminiscent of Shining’s colour scheme, save for the greyness of the walls and the darkness of my blues. Noir had changed it up a bit and darkened my walls to a more steely grey, deepened the blues a bit, and added splashes of purple and indigo for variety. Also, my weapon racks had weapons! That was great. It really was.
Having had some time to look around, I wondered where Noir was and then pondered where the fuck Twilight was since I’d gotten up to look around a few minutes ago. It wasn’t that big a deal or anything, but it was kind of annoying to have to look for both of them. I took a moment to try and sense Noir’s energy and found that she was in the cellar for whatever reason, likely sampling my booze. It explained why I hadn’t been able to hear her since there was nearly a foot and a half of stone between me and whatever noise she could make, even if she was loud to begin with. I hated it when people teleported around my house and since Noir lived in my head, I didn’t want to just stroll up on her and piss her off. Of course, it wouldn’t work out like that since it’s my damn head, but still. I walked my happy arse downstairs to greet her and was pleasantly surprised to see that the cellar had received a bit of a makeover as well. Celestia had used pale stones for my floor previously and Noir had chosen a slate-like tile that suited the
atmosphere of the mansion better.
Noir herself was chuckling to herself when I came down, giving me a look. “For not having tasted any of the last few shipments from the Apple Family, your approximations based on their scents is quite interesting. Truly, your tongue is beyond attuned to the taste of liquor.”
“Too bad I can’t fuckin’ stomach any of the lovely liquor I have. I’d really like to have a drink with ya and all…”
“You are fine, Maximus. I have never been fond of overly distilled liquors myself, though again, your tongue for them is simply fascinating. To taste with your palette is to enjoy an entirely new repertoire of flavours.”
I chuckled at that. “Speaking of alcohol though-”
“Twilight is en route. I simply thought that we could use a moment to discuss what she likely intends to ask.” Noir accepted the look I was giving her with a smile and a roll of her eyes. “Yes, I understand quite well. There is no need to look at me in such a tone of voice.”
I snorted and went to reply, but Twilight started fading in when I opened my mouth. “Well, well, well, look who’s finally showing up.”
Twilight solidified into the realm, rubbing her eyes and sniffing a bit. “Whew! Kind of like waking up…”
“Hello, Twilight,” Noir greeted.
“Oi, Cherry.”
“Hey guys! It’s-” She looked around. “Wait… Where are we?”
“Max’s home, though with a few alterations that I prefer.”
I half-raised my hand. “I prefer it too, honestly. Few more colours mixed with the darker aesthetic kinda makes it feel more homey.”
Cherry looked around for a moment. “... I like it. A little foreboding, but messing with Max always is.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, scoffing with a smirk.
My lover looked me in the eye and raised a brow. “Max, it’s not worth arguing with you because you’re never going to let yourself be wrong.” My brow shot up at that one.
Noir carried on with, “And should one desire to prank you, they would have to be freshly depleted of sanity. Any person with sense would know that your scaling to their prank would rapidly outmatch that which they could compete with.”
Twilight gestured toward her as I thumbed my nose. “Stars forbid anypony try to actually lie to or pull the wool over your eyes. It’s just not something a sane pony does if they know you at all, and even Pinkie doesn’t think it’s worth kicking your hoof- Er... Uh…?”
“Stepping on his toes would be the Human equivalent,” Noir filled in, watching as I more or less absorbed the fact that I actually garnered more fear-pect than I thought. “In fact, I would reason that Pinkamena has likely seen that Max’s patience can only extend so far, and thus she listens to his warnings.”
“That’s pretty much what she told me, yeah,” Twilight agreed, her eyes on Noir until she glanced at me and saw that I was pretty much just standing there with my lips pursed. “What?”
“Twi, how many people are afraid of pissing me off?”
“Most of them, I’d say. Why?”
I tried not to laugh at her matter-of-fact tone and failed. “Shite! That’s actually fuckin’ hilarious, come to think of it. Apparently only dumb people fuck with me at this point.”
“Well, Rarity never was the type to pick her battles wisely,” Cherry admitted. “Anyway, how are you, Noir? It’s been a good while since I’ve been able to come and see you, right?”
Noir nodded stepping toward Twilight. “Indeed, and I would say that we have something rather important to discuss, no?”
“Ab-so-lutely! Like how are you and Max getting along these days?”
Noir started bending down to Twilight’s level slowly, being just about weird as fuck. “Well, I would say that we get along famously for as much as we prank each other and press each other’s buttons. It is quite easy to understand why you enjoy Max’s company, even if he is an ass most of the time.”
Twilight leaned away a bit as she replied since Noir was getting closer and closer to her face. “Um… Right. I uh-” Noir scooped her up in less than two seconds. “Aiieee!”
I covered my mouth as my mentor held my lover to her chest as if she was carrying a Princess. “I apologize, I was having trouble hearing you from all the way down there. Is this comfortable for you?”
Twilight was tense, holding her hands close to her own chest while Noir’s breasts were pressed against her face. My lover’s blush was absolutely adorable to say the least, and her squeal had been delightful. “... I-It’s a-a little…”
“A little too high?” Blackberry asked patiently. Twilight nodded and all the warning I got was tied up in a single look. We were back in the living room with Noir thieving my lover’s snuggles from me on the sectional, the scene having shifted a little faster than normal. “How is this?”
Twilight looked up at Noir, glancing at me. “Um… Better?”
“Tch, give me back my Cherry, you Blackberrian bastard!”
Noir passed me a droll look. “Then who would I cuddle?”
I thought about it. “I cuddle her, you cuddle me, and then she cuddles you. Train etiquette; Super simple stuff.”
My mentor nodded and lifted Twilight away from her lap. “Eeep! Noir!”
“Oh, hush, I will not drop you.”
I took the hint and slipped into Noir’s lap, receiving Cherry shortly after settling in. My back was against one wall of the sectional while Noir’s was on the adjacent one with Twilight nestling into the middle. “Well… Thanks for not dropping me…”
It was hard not to giggle at the fact that Cherry was proving that her nickname had been coined too early since she’d gone rosier than ever before. Being supported on my lap while I was on Noir’s meant that she had the ever-present threat of a mammary in her face. “You alright, Twi? You seem a little nervous or something.”
Noir shifted a bit and Twilight went tense as the fabric of the taller, older Mare’s dress brushed against her rosy cheek. “It is almost as if our little purple friend is anxious even while in the arms of her lover. How curious.”
I snuggled Twilight a bit. “Mm, I dunno, she seems more nervous about those big ol’-”
“Maximus, my breasts are not to be described as ‘big ol’ anything.”
“Noir, they’re proportional to your height.”
“And?”
I scoffed. “They’re as big as her head! I’d be afraid of getting knocked out while standing too close to you if I didn’t know that you look before turning.”
My mentor huffed, not as annoyed as she was pretending to be. “Well, do not ask to borrow my warmth or my softness, if that is truly how you feel.”
I leaned into Twilight, getting her to giggle while I was doing it. “She is rather warm…”
Noir scoffed. “And you are a small furnace. Should winter arrive, I will have my own Twilight to keep me cozy.”
“I’d say there’s only one, but her mother exists.”
Noir chuckled. “How have you been, Sparkle? Has Max vexed you any more than usual?”
My lover glanced at me. “W-Well… I actually wanted to come and talk to you to see how you’re doing…”
“I am well, though seeing a face other than Max’s has been rather pleasant so far. Would you happen to desire any kind of beverage?”
Twilight thought about it. “Um…”
I had an idea and closed my eyes for a bit, lowering the ambient temperature of the room and spreading the scene a bit so that snow made more sense. “How about some cocoa?”
Noir hummed, rubbing my arm. “Did you make it cold to sway our answers?”
A blanket appeared over all three of us, leaving our hands free. “What? No, of course not! Why would I ever need a reason to have cocoa?”
Twilight giggled. “So did you do it for the mood?”
I passed her a mug of chocolatey goodness. “Maybe~”
Blackberry accepted her cup, giving it a sniff. “What is this- Oh, this is peppermint?”
“You’ve never had it?” I asked, enjoying my own mug.
“It was uncommon, despite my status. I was never fond of things that were unnecessarily expensive and the ‘luxuriously fresh’ herb never made its way into my castle in any real capacity.”
“Yeah, but I’m sure you guys had something like it, right?”
Twilight tried to peer over Noir’s boob, but my lover is short and Blackberry’s tits really are fuckin’ massive. Noir took notice of the movement since Cherry was trying to lean away from her. “We had sweet mint in spades. Are you well, Twilight?”
“W-Well, i-it’s just that…”
“Yes?”
Cherry glanced at me. “... It’s a little… Hard to sit still.”
I chuckled. “Sorry, I’ll take care of it-”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t nice…” Twilight admitted.
Noir had a giggle at that. “Then are my breasts too warm for you?”
“Or are you getting turned on with the duality of firmness and softness?” I teased.
Twilight bit her lip, her cheeks pinkening adorably. “... Yes.”
Blackberry kissed the top of her head. “Then I ask that you suffer for just a while longer, dear Twilight. I have never been able to cuddle you and the experience is very pleasant. Max would be a fool to suggest that we alter our activities.”
My girlfriend wore a little smile and seemed to finally relax a bit, appearing to have been nervous about my relationship with Noir for whatever reason. Probably due to the fact that she could never keep tabs on how it was progressing. “You say that like cuddling Max isn’t nice…”
“You are soft and warm. Max is far less than soft and generally a touch chilly.”
I scoffed. “Love you too, Noir.”
“I did not imply, on any level, that you were any less satisfactory, Maximus.”
“Mhm, sure.”
“You give the best cuddles, Max~” Twilight kissed my cheek, steadily acclimating to the general mood that Noir and I maintained. “It’s just that sometimes it’s nicer to hug somepony soft and warm.”
“I know that, Cherry-Berry. I hug you all the time.”
“Then you won’t be mad if I say that Noir’s hugs are probably better than yours?”
“I- Well, I mean… They’re better for me than they would be for you, but yeah, I guess I get it.”
Twilight gave me a look. “You say that like Noir’s hugs are better than mine.”
I shrugged and she tried to appear offended. “Sometimes it’s nicer to hug someone taller than me. I don’t have as many options for that as you.”
“That’s fair…” Twi turned toward Noir and evidently forgot that she’d had to lean away in the first place. “Oo-”
“My, my, it has been some time since a person has forgotten my presence whilst in my company~” Noir teased.
Cherry went tense, seeming guilty for a moment before I cut in with, “If you keep teasing and flirting with Twilight, I’m gonna start thinking interesting thoughts.”
Noir snorted. “And what interesting thoughts would you anticipate, hm?”
“More cuddles, first and foremost. I mean…”
Twilight glanced at me and I could see that Blackberry was giving me an odd look. “It almost sounds as if you would allow me to snuggle your lover in your stead.”
I thought about it. “... Well, honestly, you’re one of maybe two or three people I’d trust to watch over Twilight and Spike if something ever happened to me. Cadance and Luna are up there. Maybe Applejack, but I know her own blood comes first.”
Cherry gave me a little smile that belied the confusion found in the furrow of her brow. “It’s a little worrying that you have plans for if you ever do disappear, but… I didn’t know you trusted Noir so much.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
She tried to explain it, her usual awkwardness around unfamiliar company fading away as she nestled further between Noir and myself. “I mean… It’s just a little odd that... Ugh, I don’t know what I want to say or how to say it, to be honest.”
“I believe I have something of merit to ask,” Noir intoned warmly. “Would you say that Spike would be safe in my care, Maximus?”
“Yeah, I’d trust you with him,” I scoffed. “He might not pay much attention to what you say, but I’d trust you to watch out for him.”
“And if I were to strike him?” My brows furrowed and I controlled the glare I’d almost sent her way. “For any given reason, that is. For example, perhaps a less patient version of myself taking offence to an amount of youthful attraction?”
“... I’d ask what happened before I made a move,” I answered carefully. “It doesn’t make any sense for you to just up and whack someone that isn’t me. Even if Spike was pissing you off for hours on end, I know for a fact you’d still say something to him before it came to that.”
“Indeed, but what if I were to strike Twilight?”
“... Don’t hit Twilight and I don’t bury you in literal shit.”
“Yes, but if I were to do so, despite your proposition of a smelly end?”
I glanced at Twilight and tried not to be annoyed. “Why would you even do it?”
“These are all hypothetical situations, Maximus.”
“Yeah, and I know for a fuckin’ fact you’d need a ‘hypothetical’ real reason to hit someone that isn’t trying to harm or piss you off, which Twilight doesn’t do ninety-nine percent of the time.”
“So you wouldn’t lash out at her?” My lover, her lips forming an exaggerated frown as she wore the ‘huh’ expression.
Starting to get offended here. “Why is that weird-”
“Would you punch Applejack for hitting Twilight?” Noir asked.
“Yeah, no shit.”
“But you wouldn’t hit the Alicorn?” Twilight asked, giving me a bit of a smile.
“You’re both about to be very chilly if you keep dancing around whatever the hell you’re trying to say. Seriously.”
Noir rolled her eyes, but my girlfriend was the one who said. “It might just be another thing to figure out on your own, Max.”
… Okay. Alright. Blackberry gave me a look as I manipulated the mindscape to force ‘Funny Farm’ into her head, but only the most annoying loop I could possibly think of. Shortly after settling on a perfectly irritating combination of pitches and tones, I opened my mouth. “Oi, Twilight?”
“Maximus-” The eldest of began.
“What’s the sound of one hand clapping?”
Cherry looked at me, clearly questioning my sanity. “What?”
“What is the sound of purple and how does it affect you?”
“... What?” Twilight shook her head.
“Cease your nonsense, Maximus,” Noir huffed as my lover tried to figure out what I meant.
“It’s not nonsense,” I scoffed, daring her to disagree. “What sound reminds you of the colour purple? How does that sound affect you?” Twilight stared at me and Noir glanced away for a moment, having been caught in the conundrum for herself after ceasing the shite in her head. “Well?”
Noir hummed. “I suppose… Something along the lines of melancholy would sound more blue than purple-”
“And something passionate would be red, yellow, or somewhere in those ranges…” Twilight carried on, not really thinking about how she’d cut off a near stranger. “... It’s…”
“Would it be a sound associated with sorrow or happiness?”
“I don’t know, honestly.”
Noir rubbed her chin with her free hand and Twilight seemed to be suitably confused, giving me the satisfaction of a mostly harmless accomplishment. My mentor then looked at me. “Max, you are an ass, even if I understand your point.”
“His point?”
“To be asked a question by someone who knows the answer they would ask you to seek.”
“Wait, what does purple sound like?” Twilight asked, rubbing her temples.
I snorted. “What was the whole point of asking if I’d throw a punch at Noir over you or Spike?”
My lover gave me a look before it hit her. She pinched the bridge of her nose, getting a dose of the shite she’d been trying to do to me for a second time. “Max, it’s not the same thing.”
“But it’s fuckin’ annoying, yeah?”
“Just tell me what purple sounds like,” Cherry paused. “... That is a… Weird sentence.”
“Just tell me what you were getting at, then.”
“Max-”
The tallest mare I knew rolled her eyes. “Twilight, did you not just imply acknowledgement of the headache we were giving Max?”
“It’s not the same thing!”
“Define the difference,” Noir challenged.
My girlfriend tried to keep being annoyed, but she eventually landed on the obvious answer. “... You really love and trust Noir. You respect her too much to assume the worst when you’d usually go ahead and just punch somepony for messing with the ones you consider family.”
“Funk, soul, and R&B all sound purple to me. It’s a bass-heavy, groove, sensual kind of music,” I answered. “Now, is it really that damn hard to just tell me stuff?”
“Well, you should be able to pick up on it!” Twilight huffed.
Noir jostled her a bit. “Why should he?”
Cherry glanced back at her. “Whose side are you on?”
“Why are there supposed sides in this matter?” The elder asked a bit sharply, though I wasn’t going to say anything when she was defending me and getting a point across that I evidently couldn’t. “I do not believe that there is much fairness in blaming Max for something we ourselves have done twice now.”
“Well-”
“Did you not say for yourself that there was next to no point in leaving Max to find his own answer with Blueberry Tart?”
“It’s not like you said anything either.”
“Indeed, but I am also nearly ten thousand years old and have every right to be stubborn.”
Twilight pursed her lips. “That’s- Actually a pretty fair point...”
I sighed. “Just because I pay attention doesn’t mean I catch everything. There’s always more than meets the eye.”
“Still, it’s odd that you keep missing the significance of some of your closest connections…” Cherry shook her head. “I think you might have problems with getting close to ponies, Max.”
“No,” Noir started, “Max’s issues lie in recognizing that he is, in fact, becoming a part of someone’s life.” I eyed her carefully, wary of what else would leave her painfully earnest mouth. “If anything, it is that creating and maintaining the bonds he has managed so far has yet to fully register in his mind. It is nothing to be embarrassed of, nor unhappy about. A man is not made in a single day, after all.”
“Clones,” Twilight countered.
“Hm… Would you really want two of him running around?”
My lover went to casually disagree, but she thought about it. “Oi! Fuggoff!”
“Amour, it’s not that! It’s just… It’d be weird to see you with a twin. You’ve always been so unique that it wouldn’t be hard to pick you out of a crowd, even if you had more Pony features.”
“... That fuckin’ sucks.”
“Do you know what is less than suck?” Noir posed.
“Oranges?” I scoffed.
“Sledding.”
I wanted to counter that, but it really did seem like fun. “... I mean, I’ve seen a few good hills for it throughout the years.”
Cherry shivered. “I think I’d rather have another cup of cocoa.”
“Kinda makes me miss cocoa buies,” I chuckled, glad that I hadn’t had to change the subject myself. When I got a weird look from Twilight, I clarified what I meant. “It’s just hot cocoa with an Irish whiskey, though it’s kinda specifically connected to Drambuie. Good stuff, but not my favourite outside of the cold, cold months.”
Noir waved her mug and it changed into another that I recognized, but couldn’t quite narrow down. She evidently tried her cocoa buie and raised her brows. “This is… Mostly liquor.”
Cherry chimed in with, “Well, I think we know that Max used to drink more liquor than water.”
I shrugged. “Can’t say it’s all bad. It lets me know that you smell good.”
“What do- Oh! Because I smell like wine!” Twilight giggled.
“You’re rather intoxicating, I’d say.” I shot her a wink. My lover and mentor had a chuckle at that, but a silence fell that wasn’t the most comfortable. I’d shared quiet moments with both of them and couldn’t have complained about most of those times even if I wanted to, but the air of awkwardness lingered as the conversation lulled. “You know… As much as I miss drinking, or at least the taste of bourbon… S’not too much of a loss.”
Twilight hummed. “... I’ll admit it’s a little odd to hear you even talk about it. Before and after you quit… It just wasn’t something you talked about.”
I thumbed my nose. “Because it was just like drinking water or coffee to me. Not really something to address.”
Noir chuckled a bit. “Until you start drinking a pot or more a day for months on end, no.”
“W-Wait, is that bad?” Twilight asked.
Noir and I both chuckled, but I got to answer. “For your heart and kidneys, yeah. Especially if it’s all the stuff I tend to brew.”
“Whoops…”
Blackberry snorted. “Considering the fact that you have yet to experience a kidney stone, I would be more worried about your lover trying to drink you.”
“Does that make me a vampire?” I asked, opening the door without checking the peephole.
Noir walked right on in with, “As pale as you are?”
Twilight followed as I was trying to fake offence. “And considering how skilled you are at sucking…”
“Oi!” I thought about it. “... I dunno why, but that reminds me of The Rubber Dutchman.” Twilight asked her question with her expression. “Ah, it was the pub I used to get most of my dirty work from.”
“Really? Why was it called ‘Rubber Dutchman’?”
“Oh, that’s a fun one. Apparently the pub was founded back when King William the First was striking deals with Napoleon Bonaparte. In any case, the story goes that he was a waffler like no other-” Twilight started giggling as I was speaking for whatever reason, but I kind of just wanted to share the tale and ignored it. “Anyway, Willy was said to bounce from opinion to opinion, or ‘flip-flop’ like you flip a waffle iron. The term ‘Waffling William’ got coined at some point since waffles were starting to come into England’s diet, so the pub was originally called ‘Waffling Willy’s’. After that, rubber eventually came to England a few decades later and the owner renamed the place to ‘The Rubber Dutchman’ since they hated Belgians and their waffles, but still hated King Willy.”
Noir nodded along while Twilight struggled to get her face straightened up. “That is actually a fairly interesting tale. A pleasant kind of mundane strangeness.”
I looked at Twilight, who was still practically biting her lips to stop from laughing at me. “What’s so funny, Twilight? Never took you for the type to laugh at ‘Bonaparte’.”
Twilight finally burst into little giggles. “No! I’m just wondering how a King was a wallflower! How could-” She stopped giggling the second I started. “See!? Isn’t it-” Credit where it’s due, my lover isn’t an idiot. “... Yup, one of those moments.”
“In your defence, it’s not like my accent is the most common thing in Equestria.”
“Yeah…”
I nodded. “You have to use context to understand a good bit of what I’m actually saying from time to time, yeah?”
She blushed. “I didn’t say that; You said that.” Twilight did her best to see Noir beyond the woman’s mammaries. “You heard him say that, right?”
“I did indeed,” Blackberry nodded along, amused for her own reasons.
It didn’t feel like Noir was getting a giggle at my expense, so I didn’t take a shot at her. “Wow, Cherry, I appreciate the effort you put into listening to me.”
“Hey-”
“Twilight, you literally pay more attention to what I’ve said so you know what I meant.”
“... Oh… Thank you, I guess it just sounded really sarcastic.”
“Because it partially was,” Noir snitched like the long, upright weasel she is.
Twilight almost got to bitch at me, but Noir came in and cleaned up the mess she put me in, leading into some questions about England and some of my experiences in my homeland. I eventually offered to take them to London to show them some of my culture in person, despite knowing that Noir had likely already seen or was aware of everything I’d seen there. Recreating the place wasn’t terribly difficult and Twilight was in love from the first sight of an automobile. Noir and I were pretty much happy to let her ask her questions and answer them as they came, but a sense of longing came to me and I felt my mood start to dwindle.
As attentive as she was, Noir tried to steer us toward less familiar territory, but I was adamant in my resolve to show Twilight bits and pieces of the place I’d once called home; To share more with her that would bridge what gaps still lie between us. It wasn’t until Noir seemed to turn away from the sights for no reason, making a frustrated gesture at what I assumed to be her own demons in a shop’s window that I really considered leaving. The irritated twitch of her upper lip made me want to ask what was bothering her then and there, but Twilight wanted to see Big Ben as our last stop and I didn’t mind obliging. I finally saw what Noir had been doing her damnedest to hide from me when Cherry made a comment on it.
“Oh, there’s that couple again!”
Noir’s closed eyes and squared jaw told me that I hadn’t been wrong in sensing irritation in her admittedly inexpressive words. “Ignore them, they are simply remnants.”
Twilight put her hands on her hips. “Is it really-”
“Yeah,” I cut in, grateful for the consideration my mentor had for me and my existing discomfort as opposed to my lover’s obliviousness. “They’re nothing to worry about. Why don’t we cut this one short, yeah?”
Cherry gave me a look, but the scene shifted to another place I’d seen many a time, though never in my waking hours. A place I’d made during the second lucid-dreaming experience I’d had on Earth. It was hard to achieve back in England and I’d more or less left it behind with memories of Swindon and Wiltshire as a whole. The old, craggy log cabin was like a summer home I never bothered to visit, but it was the same as it had always been. A chuckle came out of my nose and a bit of a grin started to form as the scene sharpened away from the epicentre. Twilight seemed a little annoyed, but held her tongue all the same.
“Know just about everything, don’t you, Blackberry?” I asked, leading the way.
“It seemed a better place to spend our time, is all,” She answered neutrally, her annoyance ringing through the flatness of her tone.
I knew it wasn’t me that was pissing her off, but she’d yet to snap at Twilight or say anything untoward. There was no reason to say anything or shoot her a mental message, though I wondered how long her patience would last as my lover chose to complain. “It’s a lovely cabin, but… It doesn’t really have much on London.”
“I like it,” I commented casually. “There are better memories attached to this cabin than most of London, I’d say.”
“Speaking of-” Purps started.
“Shall we take a look inside?” Noir interrupted. “While I have known of this place, it is not one I have visited.”
“What about Max’s home?” Twilight asked.
“I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you-”
“What?”
I shook my head. “It’s different when you see a place you know you’ll never step foot in again, Cherry. I’d just rather not.”
“But- It’s- Max, it’s...” She practically deflated.
Noir’s patience was only thinning, which I appreciated for the simple fact that I knew she was fond of Twilight. It was just that my lover didn’t seem to understand what I’d said. “It would be kinder to Max if we were to drop the subject, I believe.”
“I’d appreciate it, yeah.”
My lover huffed. “Well… Is there a chance we can see it sometime in the future?”
As little as I wanted to answer that question, I knew that I had to. “... Just hurts to think of, Twi. Maybe some other time, but I’m to gonna make that promise.”
“That’s not a very good-”
“It’s the one you’re getting, Cherry. I’m sorry, but not sorry enough to give ground on this one.”
“... Well, this is frustrating.”
“Imagine how I felt seeing people that might as well be dead to me, then.”
She shut the fuck up about it and we checked the cabin out. The rest of the visit didn’t last long, at least for Twilight. Having finally seen that Noir had been doing damage control behind our backs and getting a solid ‘no’ from me, I assumed that her feeling of welcome had worn out. It wasn’t undue, and as much as I understood why she was disappointed, I’d have preferred that my chosen paramour not act like a fuckin’ child when told that she wasn’t getting her way at the expense of my mental state. Kind of made me appreciate Noir even more since few enough would have picked up on my irritation, even with the bonds we share.
Noir and I had a seat by the hearth of my little cabin in opposite chairs. The ‘tour’ had been quick since I’d rarely used the cabin and I didn’t want to dally too long, but I still wanted to hear the opinion of a companion more valued than most. “Pretty sure she was just curious, Blackberry.”
“... Of course.”
“Speak your mind.”
“I would, were it a wise choice, Maximus. I truly would. Perhaps my expectations of a modern Pony were too high. Perhaps my thoughts on your romantic affairs are unneeded.”
“... Well, I don’t feel like Twilight picked that shite up from me.”
“No. She did not.”
“... Noir-”
“Max, I care for you deeply, as does Twilight. Should I believe that she was wrong for you or damaging to your health, my tongue would strike freely. This is fact.”
I nodded. “... You know I respect you more than… Anyone, Noir. More than even Twilight herself.”
“... I would say that I do.”
“Then why won’t you look me in the eye and tell me that Twilight is getting colder by the day?”
“... Because…” She took a deep breath, her age showing for a split second. Her years of solitude echoing in her breath. The silence and loneliness she’d known was laid bare but for that briefest moment before she concealed it, despite knowing that I was watching her closely. A woman has her pride, after all. “... There is little I could say that would make you correct her, Max. Little I could say that would show you what I see. Not without costing myself a dear friend.”
I nodded, accepting her answer for what it was. “I appreciate it, then. Even if I’d rather know, I think.”
She sighed heavily. “... I thank you.”
“Respect means knowing when to push and when to leave sleeping dogs lie.” Noir finally looked at me, a wry smile on her lips. “I’d like to think the respect we share for each other is a little more mutual than most.”
“Of course. One could only deal with you as I do if they respected your actions and motives, I would say.”
“Yeah, yeah, and you love me because I’m-”
“I love you because there are many reasons to be afraid of who you could have been,” She interrupted softly, her lips curving into a slightly mocking smile. “Indeed, I do love you, and I have many reasons to do so.”
I rubbed the back of my neck, looking at her knee as I felt my face flush. “I love you too, Noir… There are a lot more reasons to love you than there are to like ya.”
“Shut up and go kiss Twilight,” She chuckled, waving me off and closing my eyes for me.
My ocular orifices allowed some good old-fashioned light to enter my pupils and I saw that Twilight was sniffing herself awake shortly after I’d come back. “Oi, sorry for the downer, Cherry.”
She nuzzled me, humming. “No, I’m sorry for not paying attention… It really does seem like Noir knows you like the back of her hand.”
“The lady lives in my head, so it’d make sense.”
“... It’s just a bit odd is all. Say, um… Max?”
“Yeah?”
“We haven’t actually paid for any of the Bridleland trip yet, right?”
“Nope, not a bit.”
“... Are you sure you still want to go?”
I puffed a breath through my nose, holding her a bit tighter. “Honestly…? I don't think so. I know it’s not gonna be England, but it just…”
“You don’t have to explain. It’s okay, Amour.”
I kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry, Twi…”
“Honestly, I couldn’t be much less upset about it,” She admitted with a giggle. “As attractive as travelling is… The closer we got to it, the more afraid I was. Plus there’s plenty to take care of here, rather than taking a holiday neither of us were ever terribly excited for in the first place.”
“True. I never really knew how I was feeling about the trip; Just knew that it was something I vaguely wanted to do and I don’t even really know why.”
Twilight pulled away to look at me. “Really?”
“Yeah. More or less just had this… Vague compulsion to do it, I guess.”
“Weird… You usually have a specific reason for… Pretty much everything, I guess. Even if you’re just doing something to be nice, it’s still for a general reason.”
I shrugged. “Eh, still kinda feel like it’s something I should do, but I don’t want to. I don’t see an actual reason to go to Bridleland and I really don’t have any motivation to go.”
“... That’s really weird…”
“People have flights of fancy from time to time-” I started.
“Max, when’s the last time you did something for no real reason?” Twilight asked, sitting up and giving me a rather confused look.
I really wanted to give her some kind of answer, but I didn’t know myself. As I thought about what she was actually saying, the more confusing it was that I’d even really wanted to go in the first place. It was obvious enough from the start that I’d wanted to see what Equus’ version of England was like, but outside of that, there just wasn’t much of a motive beyond idle curiosity. Thinking back on it, Applejack’s point of not wanting to leave home for an entire week for glorified sightseeing made a lot of sense and I just couldn’t figure out why the fuck I’d been so resolved in going.
Having officially called the trip off, Twilight and I kind of just laughed at our silliness. “Shite, it’s weird that I was so eager to waste money, honestly. At least we figured it out now, right?”
“Yeah, but it’s kind of weird… I feel like… I dunno, it was something we’re supposed to do.”
I thought about it, though the implications of being compelled to do shit in a land that was already magical didn’t do me any favours. This isn’t something I wanna worry her with… “Tch, if we were supposed to do it, we’d have a good reason, yeah?”
“Fair enough. So uh… What do you want to do in the meantime?”
“... Too damn hot for cocoa and ice tea actually-” I stopped dead in my tracks. “Ice tea… Sounds… Good?”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing, Amour~”
“... Holy shite, I might be having a crisis.”
“Shush, goofy. I can make the tea, if you want. It’s pretty hard to burn water.”
I bit my lips and tried to keep calm. Tried to carry on. I tried to remember what the Queen meant to my nation, but my heart was still breaking. “Am I… Am I even English?”
“Max, you’re you. Do you need to be anything else?”
“Alive, for one.”
“Sarcastic butthole.”
There we go; I still got it. “Not gonna have sacrilege in my house, but we can have iced coffee if it’s all the same to you.”
She had a giggle at my expense. “What, is it like Englanders and alcohol or something?”
“Actually, it’s even more important and I’d appreciate it if my moment of slushy slick-brain stayed between us.”
Twilight giggled some more. “Goofball.”
It was left at that for the time being, but still. I was a bit irritated with myself for succumbing to the temptation of the coldness for even the briefest of moments, but if I was being true with myself, I couldn’t really laugh it off. Between seeing London, the fuckin’ Capital of all that was British and the status of my drinking, it felt like I was growing more and more distant with my identity as a Brit. Queen and country were trailing ever further in my mind. I no longer drank like a Brit, and even if my ‘accent’ was still thick from time to time, I still couldn’t remember what… Wiltshire felt like. It wasn’t as big a deal as the words in these pages might make it seem, but…
… More or less, I had to face the fact that Twilight wasn’t the only one growing and changing. Maybe not just for the better. Declines and lateral moves are always an option. Sometimes we just don’t get to choose for ourselves. Still, Twilight wasn’t anywhere near wrong, even if she’d responded casually. No matter what I partook in, staying true to my core was all that really counted at the end of the day. Even if I wasn’t fond of losing a bit more of what I felt made me… Me. It wasn’t something I cared to explain nor dwell on while I had Twilight with me, so I saved it for the hours after she decided to take her leave. However, instead of questioning my own growth and potentially breaking my own mental state in half, I decided to take it to Noir since Twilight clearly had enough on her mind. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust my lover with my thoughts or anything, but I really just didn’t want to stress her out any more than she already had been in the last couple of weeks. Noir, on the other hand, would hardly fret over some bullshit that I wasn’t even all that worried about.
I took my happy arse to bed since Twilight had left rather late. There wasn’t much of a point in putting it off since we’d already had dinner and I wasn’t concerned about my journal. Getting into the mindscape saw me back at the cabin, but there was a cleared path to it from the forest that surrounded the area. From what I remembered, I’d never bothered leaving the cabin’s general vicinity if I chose to recreate it, so it was most definitely something Noir had done. From what I could tell, my current house was a good distance away, almost looming in the distance as I wondered what whim had made Noir connect the two, but it wasn’t all that important, nor could I think of a reason that it would be.
Much to my surprise, Blackberry met me at the door. Her getup kind of shocked me; I’d never known her to wear… Well, pretty much anything that wasn’t formal or royal. Seeing Noir du Nocturne in a fuckin’ T-shirt… “It is not that strange, Maximus. Do not look upon me with such a question in your gaze.”
“I legitimately don’t know what question I’d have. Didn’t think you’d ever give trousers a shot, but-”
“They are from your Earth fashion. ‘Jeggings’, I believe.”
“... Ya look damn good, I’ll say that much,” I answered, nodding along. If I was lying, I wouldn’t have said it in the first place. Noir kind of looked like Stacey’s Mum, and she had it goin’ on.
She snorted and waved me in, so I more or less transferred mental ownership of the ‘land’ to her and called the forest near my home her own to do as she pleased with. It was an idle thought, but Noir looked over her shoulder all the same. “Truly? This is all the land you would give me?”
“Considering that the forest can go on as long as you want, I’d say it’s not the worst deal. Besides, where I walk, you’re always welcome.”
She chuckled at that, turning and gesturing toward the door with a cheeky little grin on her face. “Then would you mind exiting my home so that I may do some… Redecorating?”
I gave her a look, the tone she’d used spelling nothing other than trouble for my future. “Alright, but if I come back to-”
“Begone, thot.”
I scoffed and took my happy arse right back out the door, shaking my head as I wondered just how many people could’ve got away with that shite without a comeback like Noir. I had to admit, the only ones that weren’t really on the range were Noir herself, Blueberry Tart, and probably Twilight Velvet since that woman can be absolutely terrifying if she wants to be. Having cussed Celestia out multiple times, it wasn’t hard to see that she had none of my respect on a personal level, despite Luna being someone I’d cull the sharpness of my tongue for, even if I still jabbed at her. Twilight didn’t count since I kiss her and she steals my kisses if I’m too mean, thus making it far more important to scale it back a notch, even if she wasn’t taking things to heart like she used to.
My thoughts didn’t keep me occupied long. If Noir wanted to kick me out of the house for a bit, then I could throw some interesting stuff around her ‘lawn’, since she evidently wanted to be difficult. I would’ve gone for something more along the lines of 70s chic. Maybe some mod-scene type stuff, maybe some flamingoes for the sake of variety. I settled for a tall willow whose branches made a rather nice curtain around its trunk, altering the grass beneath its shade so that the growth would match some of the shite I’d found while fucking around in Canterlot. It was soft, lush, and such a deep green that it could appear blue in the right light. With a few other alterations in mind once I’d levelled the main two, there was a smallish pond added to the lawn along with a sturdy, tall tree that I’d left rather indistinct for the sake of uniqueness. From a casual glance, it could be a maple or an oak, but once I got a good look at it, the leaves were more akin to something found on a flower than a tree. It gave me the idea to add some interesting wildflowers and a few garden main-stays that I thought would go well with Noir’s general tastes.
It really hadn’t taken long to make something that I was suitably soothed by. As my general vibe shifted from paranoid unease to contentment with the shady, calming scene I created, soft hoofsteps sounded behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Noir coming along. Further behind her, the cabin I’d once made for myself was now around two stories tall, made of slightly darker wood than I’d attributed to it, and was now connected to the pond I’d made with a growing path of what appeared to be cobblestone. Noir came to stand next to me as we observed the changes we’d made. The windows of the cabin were considerably more old-fashioned than I’d ever considered making them, though still clear and seemingly workable. The shutters were a nice touch, and the planters underneath the sills held a few of the flowers I’d decided to have spring up from the taller grasses around the lower blades of the pond’s surroundings.
Other than the new height and a few external decorations, there wasn’t much more to the outside of the cabin other than a chimney that let a thin stream of smoke escape into the open air. Looking back to the pond I’d made let me see that Noir had brought it closer to the cabin. There was likely little else that could be so… Satisfying, I guess. To create and curate one’s own surroundings was a privilege that I’d appreciated with my own home, save for the ‘creating’ bit. Noir’s mirthful hum made me look at her and the warmth in her gaze. She wasn’t looking at me and I didn’t need her to. Knowing that I’d brought her something to enjoy was plenty enough.
“Indeed, I do find this to be quite the pleasure to gaze upon. Perhaps I will even implement some manner of seasonal system?” I nodded along, receiving her attention with a little grin of my own. “You know, Maximus, it is often said that a man’s tastes can be boiled down to ‘Spartan, bigger, and better’.”
I shrugged. “I’ve always been a ‘fine details’ kind of guy when it comes to brightening a place up. Really, though, I almost can’t wait to see what’s inside.”
“Have you so readily forgotten the purpose of your visit?”
“Nah, but is it really that important?”
“An unseen force pressuring you into leaving the country for no apparent cause?” Noir raised a brow.
Alarm sparked in my chest for but a moment, though it faded along with the doubt on my mentor’s face. For whatever reason, I shrugged it off. “It’s not like I ended up going anyway. Whatever higher-plougher is trying to work the field, it’s not that concerned about it.”
“Or perhaps it is simply content to allow you your freedom after some consideration?” She shrugged. “Whatever the case may be, you are correct that it matters little at the moment.”
“Yeah, pretty much. Wanna check out the pond, or can you muster the courage to show me your true tastes in decor?”
“I can muster anything I so desire, fool,” She scoffed. “You will soon discern the taste of your toes, I would wager.”
“Toenail soup tastes like feet, or so I’ve heard,” I chuckled, gesturing for her to lead the way.
Noir smirked, rolling her eyes prior to patting my shoulder and taking off. I did as I’d fuckin’ implied because I couldn’t really get a damn tour without following her. As much as I’d intended on walking by her side, the uh… The higher-plougher mentioned before made me stay still and lower my gaze to her effervescent tail to see how it worked with jeggings. She noticed as soon as I failed to resist the higher-plougher and was subjected to the sight of her posterior. I’ll sum up the visual experience to being pleasantly surprised that the divine had led my gaze to such shapely musculature. Noir, however, was standing next to me after I finished blinking for a third time, her annoyance rather disingenuous.
I had to walk in front of her this time, despite my insistence that there were preternatural forces at work. Apparently libido no longer counts as a force of nature, nor did it count as an act of God in my mentor’s mind. She didn’t reprimand or try to bitch at me for practising asstronomy, though she did mention that there would never be a skirt nor dress in her wardrobe that rose above the boots she was currently wearing. Having ignored her hoofwear because reasons or something, I gave them a moment of my attention and found that they came to the lower bits of her shins. They were nice, but shoes were never really my thing unless they had a specific purpose or hidden function. It was obvious that Noir’s current boots would hurt if she decided to stick a hoof up my arse for whatever reason, though.
In any case, the second tour of the cabin was rather nice. Noir being a kindred spirit meant that everything she’d added had either significance to her or was a reflection of things she appreciated in life. Her bonsai tree was well-groomed and the general atmosphere of the first floor was even comfier than it had been when I’d crafted it. The hearth and fireplace were larger than before with a slightly ruddy tint to the cobblestone that replaced the slip-shod bricks I’d used. There were a few throw-rugs underneath antique furniture, each of them having concentric designs that were probably more intricate underneath the shite that they rested beneath. In any case, it would take at least one full step for me to leave the rugs if I were getting up from any of the seats and that was a fuckin’ lovely touch. There was even an altered copy of my easy chair near the fireplace that had blue, black, and silver as the main colours with a rug beneath it that matched, yet was re-ordered.
Noir had to point out that my chair had green accents to match my eyes, which tickled me fuckin’ pink and made the gesture sweet. It was touching to have my own spot in her home laid out so carefully, but knowing that she’d put in the extra effort in the ‘few minutes’ we’d spent dressing up the glade was heart-warming. Of course, she wouldn’t say how long it had actually taken her to settle on the design she’d gone with, but then again, it wasn’t that important. The rest of the first floor, oddly enough, was largely the same excluding the size and dimensions of most rooms. The bathroom I’d put in for the sake of having one was mostly left alone, but had been changed to be more period-appropriate. Even if I hadn’t really included a toilet per se, I found that the brass bastard she’d included was kind of amusing for whatever reason. It took a moment for me to notice that the mirror had also been changed to be some kind of metal with a damn-near flawless polish. When I looked through it, I had to resist the temptation to touch it and was warned against doing so anyway by my guide.
I’d wondered where the fuck the stairs to the higher floor were, but I just hadn’t seen them. Noir had purposefully waited until we came back to the kitchen so she could explain that the semi steam/steel-punk styling was actually from her own inventors. She didn’t have to add that the crap she’d commissioned was more rewarding to use than any of the shite I’d seen in Equestria. Still, I asked if she could show me how to use a few things when we’d seen the rest of the cabin and that put a smile on her face that she tried to hide from me.
Asking about her cheeky little grin got me nowhere, but she did show me that the former pantry was now home to another door that would lead us upstairs. Why she’d put the only way to the other floor in the damn pantry was beyond me until she mentioned snack-related reasons. That was good enough for me, though Noir expressed a bit of surprise that I’d ‘needed’ it explained. Having never seen someone put the damn stairs in the same place they kept the non-fridge foods, I thought I was doing just about fine. In any case, the railing for the stairs struck me as odd until I realized that it was meant for people closer to Blackberry’s height. I could hear the fucking smile on her face when she mentioned that the banister was also raised to be more useful for someone of her stature, which made me wonder if she’d kept the sink in the bathroom below the same size for me.
After a ‘cough’ that didn’t sound quite right, I considered pushing Noir into a pit of stuffed animals and dropping a thick layer of jam on top of her, she looked back and asked if I was going to pay attention to the changes she’d made to the cabin or if I was just trying to annoy her into passing me. As flirtatious as her words came across, I didn’t consider it very far since I figured that Noir wouldn’t be one to lean on subtly as far as her romantic interests went, though as soon as I gave it like, a split second’s thought, she pointed out the guest bedroom and invited me to try the bed. The evil smirk she flashed me was worthy of raising my hand to my brow and trembling as I resisted the urge to chuckle, so I told her to shut the hell up and get on with the tour.
We actually did stop into the guest room, though the amount of black, gold, and silver accents were a touch surprising. It gave the space an air of luxury that the silk curtains containing the canopy bed only lent to. The dressers, vanity, and even the trio of chairs dispersed throughout the room all sang of opulence from days long since forgotten. The closest styling I could liken the general atmosphere to would be… Shite, can’t really think of anything. I guess it was somewhere between the Victorian and maybe old Spanish stuff I’d seen in life and books respectively, but beyond that? There weren’t many connections to the things I’d seen, whether in Equestria or in my life on Earth.
Noir let me know that the decor was a slight deviation from some of the stuff she’d collected over her years on Equus and that the best was yet to come. Still, she showed me the closets for some reason, had me step inside, and then asked me to gauge the amount of room I had. I reminded her that it would be nigh impossible to keep me in any given place within my own mindscape, but she closed the door and let me try that out for myself. It was not a nice feeling to know that she could trap me against my will if she ever felt the need to do so, but I used the gram of logic I keep on my person at all times to ask myself, ‘Who am I afraid of?’. The answers I gave both to myself and Noir varied in reason, but ultimately I wasn’t worried about Noir any more than I was Twilight, Spike, Blue, or more accurately, Luna.
My mentor accepted that her training sucked to go through, but could have obviously cared much more about my apprehension toward the activities she’d made me do for the sake of toughness and mental fortitude. Granted, some shite was… Torture. Plain and simple. I knew that an entirely unacceptable portion of our training time was legitimate torture in most cultures, but her support and comforting really had strengthened me, so we continued the tour without needing to address it. When I came out of the closet, Noir pointed out that I was purposefully ignoring the point of her asking me to step in the damn thing. I asked her if she was trying to convince herself that I liked boys and she had to be satisfied with the failure of her joke. She tried to pout, but it really doesn’t work on a person that’s almost two and a half meters tall.
Speaking of things that don’t work on Noir, she took like, two steps in front of me and my gaze flickered due to the higher-plougher and I was picked up and brought to face the ‘Mistress’ bedroom. Most of the tour had been filled with little, goofy alterations to common terms and the ‘Mistress bedroom’ thing got more giggles than it honestly should have. Noir eventually threatened to dress up as Big Bird to fuck with me and I wasn’t too keen on that particular joke. No offence to Pegasi, but I fuckin’ hate big birds. Not just Big Bird; Anything bigger than a hummingbird was worthy of getting smacked if it came too close, and Owlowiscious, Twilight’s owl, was the only one I even came close to liking. I never mention the damn thing because it’s only consistently around during the cold months and the more I can ignore it, the happier I am in general while over there.
Having cracked her mean little joke, Blackberry had me open the door to her room and I looked back at her like she’d lost her damn mind. The room was a glistening black void, but then I heard it. The door had swung outwards for a fuckin’ reason. “... I’m not looking twice.”
She was biting her lips before my eye started twitching. A wave of her hand had the beaked bastard be absent when I finally managed to breathe again. “I would apologize, but your fear of birds is quite amusing.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Noir raised a brow. “It is gone, Max. Cease-”:
“Prove it.”
Her other brow lifted. “... Curious.” She extended a hand that I held tighter than I really needed to, leading toward the door. I was facing it, though not looking when she gave me a gentle squeeze. I figured it was better to check than to reflect and saw that she wasn’t bullshitting me. “I would only attempt such a prank once. It would be cruel, seeing that your aversion is more than fear.”
“It’s not fear in the first place-”
“We often hate the things we fear, and there is an unseen level of fear within your hatred, Maximus, at least that which I would not attribute to you.”
I puffed a breath from my nose and shook my head, letting her bring me into the room and taking a gander sans ‘l’oie’. “I can hate ‘em from across the street just fine.” She nodded, silently agreeing to drop the matter. “Speaking of hating things, the opposite is happening with this room…”
And I meant it. The deep yet vibrant blues and dark, shimmering greys were easy on the eyes, and while I’d expected the room to be a goth’s paradise on some level, the walls helped spread the natural light filtering in quite well. If had to guess, which I didn’t, I’d say it was either birch or holly with how pale the wood was. A single question confirmed my second guess and clarified what exactly holly smelled like when I went to smell the walls. There was a distinct lack of snozzberry, though that’s not to say I was disappointed in the slightest. The sweet, slightly spiced aroma that hung around Noir’s room made me think of my own preferred scents, and honestly the generally muted, modest style of her home reminded me heavily of myself. As I wandered around the room with Noir letting me make my comments as they came, I noticed a door that was obscured by a shimmery curtain that matched the log walls.
I was about to ask why the hell she’d bothered hiding the thing from either herself or me when Noir interrupted the thought with, “It is no matter, and we have more to see, I believe.”
She got a look for being weird and I saw that there was a light drizzle of embarrassment on her face. “You sure about that?”
“Maximus, a woman deserves her privacy.”
I lifted my brows and nodded. “Not gonna argue on that point, but I will ask how many secrets can I keep from you?” She folded her arms and went to answer, though I continued anyway. “I’m not going to pry. I do respect your privacy and I don’t expect you to share every iota with me. All the same, I trust that if it was important to you, you’d either tell me or show me.”
She sniffed and looked toward the door, away from the curtain as she debated on the subject. “... If you laugh, I will not forget it.”
I shrugged. “If I do, it’s not at you so much as because of the contrast.”
Noir gave me another salty look, though she seemed to have trouble holding it in place against the smile threatening to break free. “... Fine.”
She went over, pulled the curtain aside, and let me stand next to her as she opened the door. A string hung in an actual void without light or substance aside from said string, and when she pulled it, the room she’d hidden was illuminated. My hand drifted toward my mouth at the sight and fell too my heart shortly after. “... Aww!”
“Shut up.”
“Noir-”
“Shut up.”
“They’re adorable!”
“... I know,” She answered softly, her face as red as any reindeer’s cancerous schnoz.
“Can I go in?”
“If you write about it, I will beat you senseless.”
Instead of answering, I entered the room while dragging Noir behind me. As hesitant as she was to [Omitted]. The [REDACTED]. In fact, the longer we [Classified], the more she eased up and accepted that I was nowhere close to judging her for [Level 5 Clearance Needed]
We left and headed outside to enjoy some pond time. Noir seemed a little quiet, so I figured a little dock for fishing would be a nice place to sit and have a little chat. She chuckled when I made the thing, immediately changing the wood from maple to something a little darker and adding some age to it. “I would say your ideas are lovely. Alteration is rarely needed, if wanted at all.”
I snorted on that, waiting until I’d gotten my shoes off and my toes in the water to reply. “What’s on your mind, Blackberry?”
She’s yet to sit, towering over me more than usual. “As always, I have been doing some thinking, my pupil.”
I winced. “No name, lots of thinking. Bad signs abound.”
“It simply implies that this is a serious matter,” She answered, giving no indication of whether I should get up. “Feel free to remain seated. I will join you shortly.”
I shrugged. “Alright. Still, I like serious things, like, so much. You don’t even understand my level of elation.”
She shook her head. “We have been putting off far more important aspects of your training for some time now. It is time to expand your repertoire so that you may defend yourself.”
“I do that pretty well already. Between the psychic-pseudo-magic stuff and your Dark Magic, there’s not really much else that I need.” And I don’t really want to be the cold-hearted arsehole I was turning into...
I started a bit when I felt something wet and furry brush my toes before an otter surfaced and chittered at me. Noir received the look I was giving her rather well as she sat next to me. “Our opinions differ on the matter, in that case. Should you have failed to guile Chrysalis into being dumber than she truly is, however, you would have died and been erased from many minds at Celestia’s hand.”
“... That’s certainly a way to get my attention-”
“I already had it. I will not lose you, Maximus, and I will not allow those who would seek to harm you stoop to the level of assaulting your family due to your own inadequacy with the magicks that you have.” Noir laid a hand on my right shoulder while sitting to my left. “There is work for us to do in securing the shaky foundations that you are building your future on. As little as the Ponies of Equestria care to accept outsiders, mastering the Dark Magic that you wield already should matter little to them. If anything, it will grant control you have yet to experience.”
“... Noir-”
“I understand, Maximus, but do you?”
“No shit… But you know…” I sighed, not terribly happy with the topic. “... You know I’m afraid of power, Noir. That I’m afraid of what I’d become even without the Revenant shite on that black horizon…”
She pulled me toward her. “Would you have so little faith in your loved ones to assume that you walk your path alone?”
“... Wise-arse.”
“It is a large part of why you tolerate my nonsense, is it not?”
I chuckled. “You sound like me.”
She snorted and jostled me a bit. “In any case, I believe we should work toward finding some manner of catalyst for you to lessen the strain on yourself. A faceted gem of few cuts or some manner of relic would do well with your frankly odd ability to wield and hold foreign magicks.”
“What do you mean by ‘foreign magicks’?”
“Maximus, you were given some manner of magic and trained yourself to use it. Even before then, my Dark Magic has never truly run rampant within you, as it very well should have. Ponies are rarely able to wield another’s magic without certain conditions being met. Regardless of what magic it is that you actually wield, should it come from a source other than yourself, then it is considered foreign.”
I nodded before shrugging. “Well, that’s kinda cool, I guess. I’m more adaptable than I thought.”
“I would often agree.”
“As for the catalyst, I think I already have one. The Warbling Blade-” Noir’s body shifted and she managed to give me a look I could see. “What?”
“The Warbling what, Max?”
“Uh…” I thought about it and was a bit surprised to find that my brain-buddy didn’t mind-jack the information when it came to mind. “You might know it by the Banshee’s Razor, I guess.”
“... You jest,” She snorted, shaking her head, her irritation failing to mask her disquietude. “If you possessed such a thing, surely I would know?”
“... How the fuck do you not know?” I conjured the blade as I had a dozen times before, even while in her presence. Noir stared as I unsheathed the trustiest, un-rustiest knife I’d ever owned.
“... Evertide take me… You actually-” She took a breath, shaking her head. “... How can you even wield it?”
“Like this.”
“Maximus… How- How did you get this?”
“First trip to Gryphonia,” I answered uneasily, “just before I snagged the Diadem of Something. It was literally meters away from the Diadem.”
“I would ask to hold it, but it is unsettling enough to see the damnable thing again…”
“Hold up, is this thing cursed?”
“Is it screaming at you?”
“... No, but-”
“Then worry about other things.” Noir shook her head, snorting. “... Truly, your life is strange.”
“So uh… You know what this is?”
“I do, though my knowledge would be of little value. It is a catalyst, surely enough…”
I really wasn’t appreciating the way she was eying the blade, nor the apprehension in her tone. “So uh… Who made it?”
“Discord. Lord of Betrayal, Chaos, and as you may put it; ‘The biggest cunt to breathe’.”
“Damn. Fuck that guy, then.”
“... That knife is truly a one-of-a-kind.” My mentor really, really didn't like me pokin’ stick. Her mood seemed rather ruined, if the look on her face and general spite in her voice were anything to go by. “There are worse hands for it to be in. I suppose I should be grateful that you are the one that wields it.”
“My thoughts exactly. So what do you want to teach me? Since I evidently already have the resources and tools.”
Noir sighed heavily. “... You are correct; We should lessen wasted time as we can.” She rubbed her index-knuckle with her thumb; A gesture I associated with comfort, though I’d never noticed her doing it. Unlike most times, Noir either chose to continue or ignored the fact that I’d seen the tick. “... If not a little advanced…” She murmured, ceasing the rubbing motion. “Yes, I believe that we should start above most. What would you assume Silver-Speak to be, Maximus?”
Are you- Nope, it’s not the time to be cheeky. Noir nodded to my thoughts, so I answered as I was prompted. “Kind of like using Dark Magic to influence people’s minds, right? Silver-tonguing someone’s ear-holes?”
She snorted at my answer, sighing again. “You are correct, and more so than most would be. Silver-Speak is the art of utilizing Dark Magic to alter the logic of a person’s choices. While you would not be able to force another to commit an act they would find wholly reprehensible, it is essentially the same technique Luna and Celestia used to turn you away from substance abuse.”
My brow furrowed. “So it’s not mind-control?”
“What is mind-control?” Noir asked, tilting her head away from me while spreading her hands. “Other than magically-reinforced suggestion, would it truly be much different from speaking directly to someone’s better parts?”
“Could I make someone do something they usually wouldn’t?”
“Well, yes-”
“Then yeah, Noir, it’s just mind-control in nice terms.”
She smiled, patting my back. “Then you are more prepared to learn the art of the Dark Whisper-” I didn’t even do anything and she almost managed to shove me into the water. “Do not laugh, Maximus. This is, again, a serious matter.”
“Noir, seriously. The Dark Whisper!?” I cackled, gesturing toward her as her narrowed eyes and scowl failed to faze me or my mirth. It was a feeling more so than a visual cue, but I wasn’t fast enough to avoid getting flicked. I’d been facing Noir, so her stupid, long arms meant that I couldn’t have seen it coming from the hand she’d had on my shoulder anyway. “C’mon! It’s edgy as fuck!”
“The name of the technique has no effect on its use, you buff-”
I held her arm around me and cheesed like I was a cheesemonger in the middle of a photo-shoot. Noir’s baleful glare didn’t stop me from singing. “No! You’ll never be alone! When darkness comes, I'll light the night with stars! Hear the whispers in the darrr-Ack!”
Her finger dragged me away from her by my cheek, though my laugher was harder to stop than the singing. “Asshole…”
I beamed at her, putting my hand on her arm. “If I didn’t love you, it wouldn’t be as funny as it is!”
Blackberry’s sour expression and the roll of her eyes told me what she was going to say before she said anything. “It is hardly funny as of the moment. In any case, we have training to attend to.”
She warped away before I could say anything else, so I thought about the lyrics and wondered if I was thicker than a Snickers or just inconsiderate. In any case, I flashed over to her, but Noir had been waiting and shook her head. “It was not the lyrics alone, Maximus. I am attempting to teach. You could make more of an effort to learn.”
I raised my hands in surrender. “I’ll do a big learn, just don’t cut off my supply of super-tall hugs. They’re awfully rare.”
Noir closed her eyes and her lips pursed, but I could tell that she was struggling not to laugh. “You are awful. In any case, wield your catalyst and prepare yourself. This will surely take more time than you seem to think.”
I whipped it out. “Alright, now what?”
“Now you centre your focus onto the magic in your navel,” I did as she asked, though it took a moment or two as she continued, “and from that point, you shall draw the power into your throat as you would push it into the Razor.”
Again, I followed her direction, but I burped a dark, misty smoke more than once before I managed to choke myself with it. The experience was significantly shittier than the time when Maxwell shoved me into some farmer’s smoke-house for getting the last word in on some argument, and Noir’s snickering sure as fuck didn’t help me. “Fug- Fug-GOFF!”
Blackberry Bitch decided to get a few more chuckles in as I fought to suck air down my burning esophagus. “Admittedly, I have had little reason to practice this particular skill due to the thousands of years that have passed since its utility was last of any significance. However, this is great!”
“You fuck- You fuckin’ suck.”
“Less cheek, more trying.”
I’d had an easier time staying away from coke than I did with breathing, but I eventually just cured my throat and lungs of the deep, stinging ache, shaking my head. “Whoever-”
“That is not trying, that is just talking, Max.”
I rolled my eyes and prepared to be in more pain, but my brain was getting ready for a big, powerful think, and so I let the Ponyland Prepostery flow through me and I tried again. It took more tries than I’d have liked, though failing the first time had been more than enough to make me wary of recklessness. Knowing that forcing the magic out of my mouth led me to trying other methods of using the shite, but my big-brain think hadn’t come to fruition until I took the namesake of the not-spell to heart. I managed to ask Noir if it was working at all, to which she just lifted her brow.
… And I’m difficult? “Noir. Give me a hug.” I spoke softly, trying to ignore the dry-ice type of burning sensation as my tongue and throat grew accustomed to the cold of the magic.
Her eye twitched and she made the slightest movement toward me before she smiled. “For all your griping, it would seem that you have an aptitude for ordering people around, no?”
“Would you do me a favour?”
“Your Grandmother was likely skilled at sucking eggs, Maximus. There is no need.”
I rolled my eyes and limbered up, loosening the joints that had stiffened from my bouts of furious hacking and wheezing. “Then I think I’ve got the gist of it. Should I keep practising, or are we moving onto something else?”
Noir held her hand palm upward and closed her eyes. Moments later, a midnight blue symbol that I didn’t really recognize at first formed above her outstretched hand, solidifying into a circle filled with… ‘Serbinski’ Triangles, which I’d fucked the name of. At least I recognized the fact that there were a good number of triangles in tessellation, though I only knew that because of a song I was fond of. I didn’t see any particular significance beyond the rather vague, incredibly general understanding of fractals and tessellating geometrics being tied to maths and art. It suited Noir rather well, honestly.
An annoyed growl snatched my attention and Noir, as willing to whack a guy as she was, seemed more frustrated than insulted. “Maximus, will you focus?”
“So just-”
“Do not ask.”
I shrugged. “Fair enough, I guess.”
There was no reason to wait any longer so I closed my eyes and tried willing the magic into my palm. After a moment, I could feel my hand warm up and I started opening my eyes slightly so I could will the symbol Noir had conjured into existence. After a moment, smoke started rising from my hand and swirled into a vague, translucent ring. The circle sharpened as I put more time and focus into it, though it wasn’t until my mental image of Noir’s insignia-thing escaped my mind that one of my own came forth. I had no idea how long I’d been trying, but when I accidentallied it into existence, I had a fuckin’ Star of David. Why did I have a religious symbol as my magic symbol? Well, my best guess was God or something, because I couldn’t remember anyone in my household mentioning being Jewish at all. Nah, Dad was Catholic, Babs was a heretic by all means, and I’d never been terribly religious myself, if not waning on my spirituality from time to time on top of that.
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
“Well, this is…” Noir trailed off, folding her arms.
“Am I Jesus?”
“Shut- Well, actually…”
“I was kidding.”
“I know, but it is an odd thing. The symbol of the Hebrew people should have little enough significance to you…” She shook her head and I dissipated the thing before conjuring it again. “... I did not know that you were going to do that... Something more powerful than me is warding me away from your thoughts, blocking my access.”
Something struck my shoulder and I turned around to see what it was. An image of Morgan Freeman popped into my mind for some reason. “... Got the vague urge to watch Bruce Almighty for-” I could practically feel a kick in my shin. “Ow! Short prick…”
“It would be unwise to continue hypothesizing,” Noir replied irritably, rubbing her shin on the opposite leg. “Not to say I agree with your mild assessment of the-” She grimaced and set her leg down. “Prick.”
I rolled my eyes, aware of the fact that my own leg still kind of hurt. “Not commenting on the obvious, but any-whey, how the fuck is the symbol-circle useful?” She didn’t reply, rolling her eyes as I sighed. “Look, can I use this to enchant stuff or…?”
It appeared that her eye-roll hadn’t been directed at me since she did a doubletake. “What?”
Ah, nothing personal, then. “Can I fling this shite at stuff to make it magical, or nah?”
She blinked and opened her mouth before barking out a laugh. “Ridiculous! Maximus, the amount you know of magic despite not knowing how to use it…” Noir shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “... Yes, you can absolutely use the Seal of the Sovereign Self-” I shut up just as practically started sagging in sheer frustration. “Maximus. Will you take this seriously?”
“Noir, you know for a fact that I love and respect you to the ends of eternity, but… Magic.”
“I simply do not understand your consistent dismissal of its importance, even if my access to your mind is active once more.” At my odd look, she shook her head. “I refuse to read your true thoughts of myself. At least, I will do so no longer.” I bit my lip, rubbing my neck. “I do not need to know your thoughts to understand that look, nor the blush of your cheeks. If anything, I accept it as a high compliment from yourself, considering the tendencies of such fantasies. However, your thoughts of myself in an intimate light are not why I choose to shield myself from your opinion of me.”
I snorted the embarrassment away, pretty sure that she wasn’t terribly opposed to seeing what my imagination wanted with her physique. “It’s not like I’m gonna give it to you unless you ask, but yeah, I get it now. Anyway-”
“Your ability to use the Dark Whispers and Silver Speak will translate with relative ease. You have piqued my curiosity.” Noir and I proceeded to stare at each other for like, a minute before I disabled my need to blink. “Ass.”
“You still haven’t asked.”
“What do you think of me, O’ great and mighty wise-ass?”
I shrugged, having tried to formulate something accurate in our quiet moment, which was probably the point of Noir’s silence. “... You’re a tough-love kinda person. You and I agree that pain makes someone stronger; It prepares people for the worse moments in life, but we disagree on how it affects us later on…” Instead of adding her own input or reacting in any way, Noir seemed to accept what I was saying as she expected there to be more. Of course, there was plenty I had to say. “I…” Fuck… Kinda hard to parse out. “I don’t think you were shown much kindness in your time on Equus. At some level, I feel like you expected me to spurn or try to like… Decommission you and your presence from my mind. You’ve never really expected a damn thing from me from what I can tell. Not on a personal level. From what you’ve shown me… You give everyone a certain level of trust that either grows or shrinks from what you see of them. I seem to have gained more trust than you’d normally be willing to give.”
She chuckled, smirking at me. “It would seem that you are wary of my own judgement, Max.”
“How so?” I asked, pretty sure that I’d laid the vast majority on the table.
“That is quite the surface-level assessment for you. Your true thoughts, I believe, would be less general and far more insulting to most, though I would like to think that I understand your methods more than almost any other. Your speaking patterns and the sharpness of your words were dulled when you spoke. I will accept what you say, Maximus, as long as you stay true to your thoughts.”
I nodded, giving some more time to my thoughts in order to provide her the rawness that she’d apparently wanted. “... You’re a woman with a past that left you hard, cold, and cruel. I don’t know what convinced you to give peace and love a chance, but it’s pretty clear that you have, even if you’ve kept your mean streak for the sake of utility. I get that. It’s beyond obvious that I might damn well be the single person you’ve trusted most since birth, and I don’t doubt that there’s plenty you’d tell me if you knew that it wouldn’t break me entirely. Otherwise, if you shoot me in the face with a hard truth, it’s to help me out one way or another. On the same vein… You’re not as honest with yourself- Well,” I shrugged, “you’re about as honest with yourself as I am with my own being. Always more to learn, inward and out.”
Blackberry had been smiling since I’d finished my first sentence, though for a bit I’d thought that she was amused. As I spoke, she damn well may have been. However, her expression came across as less mocking when I stopped sharing my opinion. “... It is oddly pleasing to have held so much of your attention in our time together, and quite the honour to have your unbidden truth. As such, I accept your opinion for what it is worth. You, however, seem to liken us to each other than you would with most.” I shrugged because she wasn’t wrong. “We do share our similarities, though I do think that I am more honest with the truths that I would rather not face than you may be.”
“Eh, that’s what you get when you’re old and introspective, I guess.”
She nodded. “Indeed.” I waited for her to say something else, but Noir kind of just looked at me.
The silence we often shared was usually companionable, though the look Noir was giving me was clearly mocking up to and past the point I decided to ask, “So what now?”
“Do magic.” I was going to reply as she cut in with, “Baka.”
“... What?”
“Baka.”
“... Okay, what?”
“Do magic.”
“Noir-”
“Baka.”
“Stop. Stop saying dumbass things-”
“Baka.”
“You’re not even making sense,” I groaned.
“Then do magic.”
Instead of figuring out what the fuck she was actually meaning, I just… Did some magic. After making another ‘SSSeal’, I wondered what I could do with it as Noir casually observed me and my doings. Me being me, I tried thinking of something interesting to do with my magic circle since she’d basically said that I was right about having enchant shite. The only thing I could think of was ‘Silence’, but the word bounced around my head and made me wonder if I really would shut Noir up just for being difficult. An evil grin crossed my face as I thought of a far better, far more interesting alternative.
She eyed me as I focused my enchantment into the Seal, her smug-mug folding into a look of mild suspicion. “Whatever you are doing, I insist you cease.”
“I’m doin’ me some magic.”
“Do not do magic at me-” She made a questioning gesture shortly after I disappeared.
I knew that she made the motion because I was directly behind her. “Nothin’ personnel, kid.”
She looked over her shoulder just in time for me to slap her arse. “... Wha-ha-ha-ha!”
Noir’s laughter belted out as intended, giving me the advantage I needed to not get hit. “Hm? ‘Wha-ha’ what, now?”
As strange as it was, I’d rarely heard Noir laugh as hard as she was and I’d never heard her do it for more than a minute or two. That record was what I intended to break. “M-M-Ma-ha-hax! Di-hi- Di-hee-hee! Make it stop!”
“I dunno how.”
She tried to tell me, but failed to make any of her words go beyond the serendipity of the situation, the Seal’s magic failing to fade, even as she came to clutch her stomach and gasp for unneeded breath. Blackberry swatted her bum where I’d stuck the Seal and seemed to ease, but the smile that had come along with my enchantment was stuck on her face as she gulped down air like we weren’t in the damn mindscape or something, most of her exhales coming in wheezy chuckles. I might have been giggling a bit myself, flashing us over to a bench I’d made for the tall willow so that it might be a bit more lively. There wasn’t a need to add padding or anything, though why wouldn’t I? It’s not like anyone was going to ruin it, or that there was rain to make the cushions wet.
Noir accepted the hand I offered, sitting with me on the bench and making the back higher so she could rest against it, her breaths labouring less and less as I tried not to laugh in her face. “You. You are awful.”
“I wouldn’t say that, now. You’re smiling a little wide for me to be such an awful arse, yeah?”
She took a deep breath and exhaled a bit shakily, rapping my noggin with her knuckles. It could’ve hurt considerably more, all things said. “... Creative, I will admit. I suppose I should have given you instructions rather than taunting you.”
“Yeah, why’d you even do that? I was just gonna slap your arse with some quiet time before I thought of chuckin’ a chuckle at ya.”
“I-” Noir giggled for some reason. “Well, I may have just been curious as to what your first thought would be. The fact that I was correct, for the most part, is incredibly amusing.”
“Well, maybe you should say less and laugh more?”
“Okay.”
“Don’t say less, but still laugh more. If you say less, I learn less.”
“Mhm.” Noir nodded.
I looked at her. “So uh…”
“Hm?”
“Oi, quit that shit.” She raised a brow. “What kind of magic even is the Seal-thing anyway?”
If I knew sign language, I’d translate it here. As it is, though, Noir said, “I like spankings and love the taste of cinnamon-toast crack!”
The look she gave me was amusing enough. “What? You act like I read hands.” She flicked her middle finger up at me. “Okay.” Her index finger joined it. “... S’rude, init?”
She knocked it off with the gesture. “For you to speak of rudeness is an odd thing indeed, though I suppose that I may cease my nonsense if you… “ Noir leaned in, the pause and quietude therein extending into the mindscape, silencing the sounds of the forest that had been present as her horn came to rest on my head. “Repeat yourself.”
“... Quit that shit.”
Noir snorted. “That is a useless request.”
I waited for her to answer the question I’d asked, but Blackberry’s patience is never gonna fall to my own level. With a mildly annoyed sigh, I asked, “What kind of magic is the Seal?”
The smile on her lips was more patronizing than an African child’s rich, heartless sponsor that was only supporting said child for the sake of appearing to be less of a cunt. “Why, Maximus, it would seem to be a form of magic.”
I pinched her nose and wiggled it, making her move her head along with the motion. “You suck, you know that?”
Her voice came out nasally as she replied. “If you minded more, I do believe we would not have spent so much time together.”
Not smiling would’ve been too much effort, so I let my lips curve and tried to pinch her cheek. Noir does not have pinchable cheeks, for the record, so I just brushed her facial fur with my thumb. “True, but are you ever gonna answer that question?”
She seemed satisfied with the results of whatever she’d been doing. “The Sovereign Seal is a form of True Magic, which would be none other than that which you yourself would possess naturally. To an extent, it is like a plain syrup as opposed to Dark Magic being blackberry syrup or Unicorn Magic being… Maple, I suppose.”
“Alright, so can I use True Magic like Dark Magic?”
She shrugged. “If you understand it, then yes. However, that is not a subject that I could teach you, nor is it a field any I know or knew of would ever claim to understand. True Magic is an odd, volatile, frankly unknowable force with which few would ever claim proficiency unless they themselves were insane or idiotic.” My brow furrowed and her mild smile turned into a panicked, frigid expression. “Silence! Do not mention it!”
I’d been preparing to ask about Pinkie, if that says anything. “... Right.”
“Max, I warn you; That… Sentient universal anomaly does not wish to be understood. On any level. To make sense of such madness is a grave insult to... Them, and that which they strive for.”
“... Not foreboding at all. Not even a bit, Noir.”
She fanned herself with her hand, glancing about in a controlled, though still paranoid manner. “There are wiser ways to waste one’s life, such as insulting a being of pure evil to their face while urinating on their most prized possessions. Your own end may come in time, though mine? I would prefer a death that is either quiet or honourable, and I veritably doubt that such a luxury would be afforded to me if I were to bite my tongue instead of warning you.”
“Well… Do Sunbutt and Moon-Moon use True Magic?”
Noir took a deep breath, still doing her checks. “You have never believed for a second that either Mare could truly alter the trajectory of the sun or moon. Such a belief is well-founded, though True Magic, when wielded for such a purpose, would likely succeed.”
“Makes sense and all, but what the fuck are they doing to keep the masquerade going?”
“Alicorn Magic, which is the branch that Unicorn Magic devolved from. Dark Magic itself is more akin to True Magic or Alicorn Magic than it is the Unicorn variety. In that regard, Dark and Alicorn Magic would be more like… Berries of a bush, with their derivatives being the juices of said berries. Yes, Luna and Celestia wield berries with vibrant, fragrant odours and tastes, but said ‘berries’ will never amount to the same energy stored within the ‘bush’ itself.”
I nodded. “So is Dark Magic like, an evil berry or something?”
Noir held me at length and frowned. “My magic may be dark, Max, but it is by no means evil. There are only evil people and differing versions of morality that constitute some things as evil. Silver Speak could be used for great misdeeds, but you yourself have benefitted from its usage to cure your own proclivities. Nothing in this world is inherently evil. Not even Discord himself, as despicable a being as he was, could have been considered wholly and irrevocably evil.”
“I’m not saying that things are evil by nature, and you know me well enough to understand what I mean by that. Some things are just easier to use for evil, like necromancy, mind reading, and brainwashing... That, and to my knowledge, Dark Magic seems to be mostly offensive in some shape or form.”
“... Unicorn Magic can be used for combat or curses as well, Maximus…” She replied while glaring at me, seeming well and truly hurt by my words. The anger in her narrow side-eye paired with a twitch or two of her upper lip.
“That’s not what I’m saying at all, Blackberry…” I laid my hand over hers, the fold of her arms making it a little difficult to hold. “Why don’t you teach me how to mend wounds or something similar to typical white magic from my world?”
Noir pursed her lips, the heavy beating of her heart fading to silence when she glanced at me again. A sure sign that she knew I’d heard her heartache. “... The only way for you to heal another is to pump Dark Magic into their wounds, but that may drive them completely insane... You and I are two of the handful of beings that I know can use Dark Magic without the most severe side effects...”
“Becoming an emotionless husk isn’t one of the severe ones?” I asked.
She sighed, seeming resigned to a truth I myself couldn’t see. “I can protect you from that most of the time, but…” Her eyes widened and she knocked her brow with her knuckles. “Witless witch!” Noir gestured toward me, a smile breaking the melancholy that had settled onto her face. “What if you used your seal as an early indicator of your emotional distress? If you do not make it bind your power it would not grow too vast to wield, yet you could still use a sign of some sort to know when it is spreading!”
“So I just load it with the command to get hot or something if I start getting distant? That’s… That’s actually fuckin’ brilliant.” I conjured a massive, soft biscuit. “Congratulations, you had a good brain think worthy of a tasty reward.”
Her brows bounced and she teleported the plate-like biscuit somewhere. “It shall be my trophy.”
“Sweet. Kinda awesome to know that I won’t have to worry about becoming an apathetic arse again, and if I do, I can call on my Amazon God-mummy. Two heads really are better than one.”
Noir rolled her eyes, rubbing her upper arm even as she smiled. “Wisdom and cleverness would blend well, as always. While the idea is generally satisfactory, I recommend using a cold sensation as a warning, rather than warmth. I imagine it would hurt less.”
“I’ll be sure to do that when I go. Are there any more tricks you want to teach me?”
She shook her head in short motions, surprised for some reason. “There is precious little that you could not figure out on your own. Dark Magic, as you may have noticed, is largely based on intent and where you focus the magic itself. If you want to experiment while you are here, I would be happy to guide you.”
“... Would- Would you judge me if I tried making a-” Noir gave me a look, her surprise mingling with amusement all too quickly. “Oi!”
“Sasuke, would the Chidori not suit you better?”
“Don’t Spanish at me while calling me a damn weeb,” I groused. “... In any case, kinda makes me want to chop my hands off so I’m not tempted. Can I store up Dark Magic into a thing or something so I can use it later? I should have asked earlier, but is there a limit to my ubermensch-ness?”
“You can store your energies into most dark stones, in my experience. In a manner of speaking, it would be little issue for you to ‘run out’ of magic. To exhaust all that I gathered in the transfer from Luna to yourself…” She thought about it, though it took a moment for a conclusion to leave her lips. “It would take something on the level of sealing Celestia’s power by a large margin or disabling an ancient Dragon to the point of exhausting both of you, but you can run out.”
I nodded. “Ah, so it’s just really hard to do. What happens if I actually do run out?”
“You will enter a comatose state for days, if not an entire week. There are worse ways to die, though the coma itself would simply leave you vulnerable to a counter-attack.”
“Right. Are you sure there’s nothing else I actually need?”
“Just keep your eyes open and do not die. As powerful as you would be while tapping into the full powers and privileges that being a Revenant would grant you, that would likely end in an alteration more permanent than either of us would like.”
“Such as…?”
“Becoming an actual asshole would be bad enough. Becoming an apathetic, sadistic, murderous bastard would be the worst case, though your temperament would likely lead you to become a being that would kill out of mercy or anger, rather than for pleasure.”
“Aww, Joanie loves Chachi!” I grinned, shrugging off the bad news since it wasn’t any worse than what I’d already known.
Noir rolled her eyes. “Your teeth look nice in these pleasant days. It would be a shame to break them on a curb.”
“Mean. Just plain rude.”
“I did not say that I would break them, did I?”
“Shush and cuddle me, meanie-pants.”
Noir chuckled and we appeared in the cabin moments later, finally making use of the squishy, nap-worthy couch. There was a steelpunk-style projector displaying the opening sequence to Little Nicky on the wall and I groaned before Blackberry had mercy on my mortal soul and allowed me to change it. We managed to agree on another comedy, Ratatouille at first, but Noir decided that it was ‘more tedious than catching an actual rat’, so I let her have the next pick. Nausica and the Valley of the Wind was… Great and all, but a little slow to start. Noir rode my arse like a Clydesdale that had a sybian integrated to the saddle with the worst cast ET ever seen in an equine. All because I legitimately almost slipped into the dreamscape during the first thirty or so minutes. It wasn’t all bitching, though, since Noir tried to cuddle up to me like she was half her size. That gave me a few chuckles and she settled for putting her arm around me and letting the pro do the snugglin’ and nuzzlin’ and whatnot.
I knew our visit was stretching on beyond our usual time limit, but I couldn’t really bring myself to mention the fact that that night was likely growing lighter. For once, Noir didn’t tell me to fuck off or otherwise make me do so, allowing me to fall asleep in the mindscape for the first time. It’s in the air as to whether or not she knew I’d practically fly out of my bed from the disjointed feeling, but I’m sure she got a chuckle out of it anyway. Whatever had actually happened once I fell asleep faded from my mind too fast to try and dredge it up, but whatever that shite was, it sucked. The sun was on the rise anyway, so I just stayed up.
Just as I was about to smoke my pipe and let the chill sweep some words into my semi-neglected journal, Rainbow came knocking at my door, asking if I had anything interesting for her to read. She either didn’t care that the GalPals seemed to be splintering or just wanted to hang out for a bit, but it didn’t really matter. She was polite enough for me to take her into my study after a few jibes. Calling her ‘Crouching Pony, Hidden Egghead’ went high over her head, but she took the lumps with pride and said that there were worse things to be such as a dork like myself. I just rolled my eyes and asked if she wanted action or adventure. She said yes to both and asked about some romance to top it off, so I let her borrow A Single Breath and Midnight Stroll: A Mission for a Princess. Rainbow said that she’d already read A Single Breath since Twilight had ordered it, but that the sequel had yet to get to her. A Thousand Moments was already being published and I had a reading-copy on hand, so I lent that to her and she started talking about how much she liked the author. She then took like, two seconds to pause and look at me, asking if I was ‘gay or something’, not that she was ‘judging’.
I asked her why, for one, having romance books in my collection made me ‘gay’, and two, why it fuckin’ mattered. She’d apparently assumed that it was a female writing since the protagonist was female, but when I told her I wrote them under the pseudonym ‘Emerald Eyes’ she still didn’t believe it. And then she called me gay again like it was supposed to be weird or something, which it might’ve been with how I used to get around with the people she knew. I rolled my eyes at and lent the Midnight Stroll book to her too, though I was sure I wouldn’t see either for a month or more.
Rainbow asked me some questions about A Thousand Moments, like what I thought about the main love interest and his intentions with my protagonist, but I told her that I couldn’t really theorize because I already fucking knew where I was going with the story. Dash still didn’t believe that I’d written it, so I told her to ask Twilight and left it at that for the time being. She grew annoying as she insisted that she would and that lying had no purpose in the matter, but I maintained that I’d been honest since, y’know, I was. Once I showed Rainbow the next entry in the Midnight Stroll series, she double-checked to make sure that the books she was holding had the same author. Dumbarse needed three double-checks and I pushed that ‘month’ timeframe to ‘after I reincarnate’. She eventually couldn’t deny the facts any more and gushed about how much she’d fallen in love with A Single Breath and that she’d jilled off to it multiple times.
I didn’t need to hear that, so I told her to either put my pipe in her mouth or get the fuck out. She chose to suck and blow instead of getting chucked, waiting for me to get ready so she could get a mouthful of the sticky-icky. Her oral skills were terrible and honestly, she was pretty lucky to even taste my pipe’s product before coughing a damn lung up. It was seriously gross, so I washed my pipe, dried it off, and packed the bowl again so we could have a proper smoke. Instead of letting her have the green-hit, I went first because fuck. Waste of a perfectly good load, I’d say. I warned her not to hit it so hard, but Rainbow is dumb at the best of times and nearly did the same damn thing two more times. It took her passing out on the couch for me to remember that I hadn’t used the ‘Spring Cleaner’ on any of the cushions yet. It wouldn’t have been a problem if Twilight wasn’t as prone to leaking ‘frosting’ as she was, or if Dash wasn’t face-down in the spot Cherry had received my services in. That said, there were two things that the situation was in my eyes; Hilarious was one, and ‘Rainbow Dash’s problem’ was the other.
Yeah, there were clean beds all over the fucking house and it wouldn’t have been any kind of issue to carry her, but it was funny and I wondered if Twilight could rub off on her through some form of osmosis. Petty, I know, but the cunt shoved a goddamn century-level storm over my first real home since... I guess living at the pad with Maxwell didn’t count since we didn’t have furniture and we only ate shit that was killing us slowly. Speaking of, I’m glad the acne from my younger years has fucked off. A better diet and some hygiene had helped me out on Earth, and a little more dedication on Equus had me cured of the malady some time ago. No one had ever commented on it, though I still pop a zit or two every now and again. I’m not vain, I just don’t like pimples. Or Pimps. Or hoes, for that matter.
Damn, I’m rambling.
To get back to Rainbow and her passing out on me, I got her a blanket and went upstairs to look at myself in the mirror for a bit. I wasn’t checking myself out per se, but I was looking for a good place to put the Seal I’d completely forgotten about after waking up. I figured that it would look nice on my left pectoral as a tattoo or something, so I focused on bringing it forth into my right palm for ease of application. It had been nearly an hour when the words and feeling of the enchantment finally made enough sense in my head. With the right vibe running high and the vague notion that it was going to suck, I laid the Seal onto my chest like it was permanent, though I knew I could redo it if I cared to. The first thing that I noticed was that the shite sucked.
Dry ice had nothing on the Arctic, insane burning of the Seal, though the pain luckily faded within five or so second. It felt like applying a brand that didn’t linger, from what I could tell. After coughing a few times, I shook off the remaining chills until I was looking at my irritated expression in the mirror, wondering if Twilight would say something about the bluish-black symbol at some point. Come to think of it, the mark was most definitely tattoo-worthy, though I’d never really considered getting one at any point. At least, not in-depth. With this one being ‘free’ and functional, I had to admit that it wasn’t the worst thing to put on myself, even if it was almost bruise-like with the colouration. There was even redness around the mark to make it seem like real ink, but there was also a slight glow for nearly a minute after I’d placed the bruise-like contusion.
After redressing and finding that my shirt irritated the fuck out of the mark, I switched it out for one of my wrinkle-free button-downs since even the softest jumpers I had still made the bastard itch. The cool stiffness of the wrinkle-proof one I’d settled on was a lot less irritating. I eventually wandered back to my study so I could snag the Dragon Fire to send Twilight a message for the morning. I didn’t kiss the page, but I did spray some cologne and wave it through the mist so it would smell like me. She sent a reply a couple of minutes later with a heart marking the end of the discussion for the time being, though we hadn’t said much. I finally got to write this shite out since neither of us mentioned swinging by for the day, but ya never know.
Okay, no need to add a page break since I literally just put this fuckin’ thing down, but I swear to God I just heard a howl… I might be losing my shite or…
Nah. Nah… Hopes don’t really belong in this household. Fuck off.