Dear Princess Nicecream Fundae,
I just got word from our good pal Chryssi. There’s a changeling civil war brewing down in the Badlands. Apparently some rogue hives have teamed up to take down Mega Milf because she’s been talking about progessive ideas like shooting her people to make the world a better place.
The messenger she sent explicitly stated that she’s dumb and doesn’t want any help. She only wanted to let you know not to attack her bugs if you see them flying south.
Now, I’m not one to make rash judgement calls, but this is the perfect opportunity for genocide. I’m calling it “neutralization,” but we all know what I really mean.
Most, if not all, of the changelings in Equestria will be in one general location, and they’ll all be preoccupied with infighting. It would be so easy. No fuss, no muss, just one big ol’ solar slaparooni and the changelings will be no more.* Even if a queen or two escapes, it still means they’ll be out of our hair for at least a couple centuries, and the Badlands are already near-uninhabitable anyway, so any collateral damage would be negligible. Just think about it, okay?
Your crime against morality,
Twilent Night* I don’t need to tell you this, but please don’t. Besides, the “reeeeeeeee, don’t help” might be reverse psychology if the changelings are setting up a trap. I think it’s safer to leave them be. Also, Stu was there when the messenger came, so now he’s doing that thing with his eye fluids again. I know your creeper dudes are already watching him, but can you tell them to be extra careful? I’m worried he might run off to intervene and trip on something he’s allergic to, and then I’ll be held responsible. I don’t want to deal with that.
Love, Anon