//------------------------------// // TV Time // Story: FUSION FALLS: TAKE TWO! // by The Cowardly Christian //------------------------------// FUSION FALLS: TAKE TWO! I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ...III... ...III... Thanks for seeing me again Stump...these sessions are REALLY helping me out." Said Twilight as she playfully nuzzled a ladybug plushie. "..." "What's that stump? Your next appointment got cancelled and you got the rest of the day free? Well grab the brothers and let's watch some TV!" Said Twilight excited as she rushed to do just that... ...opening song... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSZ1KqHwm08 Hey girl, hey girl don't lie to me tell me where did you sleep last night In the pines, in the pines where the sun never shines I will shiver the whole night through Hey girl, hey girl where will you go I'm going where the cold wind blows In the pines, in the pines where the sun don't ever shine I will shiver the whole night through Hey girl, hey girl don't lie to me tell me where did you sleep last night ... Twilight was once again watching the news on the couch while Daggett and Norbert were cooking up something in the kitchen. She was lucky to have run into the brothers after she escaped her parents home earlier this year. She'd spent weeks in the forest by herself, till they found her by the lake shore. Well...technically it had been more Stump finding her and leading her back to the beavers home. Since then she's been living with the brothers who after the merge found themselves short on cash and no longer able to take for granted the 'little' things in life that made their lives livable. Like how their dam used to produce the power for their home, which no longer worked once they were in a lake. Also eating human food and getting mail delivered to their home. But then Twilight figured out that they could sell their musk to perfume companies for big bucks. Thanks to Stump setting things up and Twilight managing it; the beaver brothers now had a steady income coming in and could afford stuff like that again. And another benefit to living with the brothers was Stump being a trained therapist. He was was able to give Twilight what she needed to help her through her many issues. She was no longer so high strung and more laid back, Twilight and the brothers spent a lot of their days watching TV or playing videogames they'd bought. ... "What are you watching?" Daggett asked as he and Norbert join her with sodas and bags of chips. "News around the world," Twilight said. On the screen came pictures of elaborate schools the size of a small city appearing in Japan. the program went on to explain how the sheer cost of maintaining such structures and the low birthrates of Japan saw many of these schools shut down...in fact they went through a list...(1) Ohtori Academy with it's bizarrchitecture and many stairs and walkways with no safety rails; saw it shut down and condemned. Mahora Academy was shut down because of lack of replacement students and the sheer cost of upkeep. Ouran Academy had super rich students who suddenly found themselves poor thanks to coming tot his world without their wealth and assets. Which is why it's been closed down, as their funding also dried up. The many schools based around Duel Monsters and other games were also quick to get shut down. As on this world they're just aren't that many people who view stuff like that as 'serious business'. Then there are the magic schools that were forced to shut down when their ceased to be after the merge. Then came the horror stories about the schools who put students in private prisons, allowed students to fight to the death, allowed students to be sold into slavery, had daily death counts and what not. Such schools were closed down and the staff and many students were arrested. "How do schools like that can even stay open?" Asked Daggett. "...," Said Stump. "Stump's right, the schools all came from worlds where things just happen that allow things to happen like that," Explained Norbert . Like how those Japanese women used to be allowed to attacking people they thought were perverts in over-the-top, lethal ways," Daggett pointed out. "I remember. I don't get how their worlds work where they could hit people with big and heavy things and the ones they hit didn't die," said Twilight. "Well it ended with all of them learning that things don't work like that in their world anymore. One way or another, they all got killed or arrested." Norbert pointed out. "Those girls from that Hina inn, that school with that angel- Dokuro Mitsukai -who beat people to death with a giant spike club, that OTHER school that had angels and sadistic girls like Sohara Mitsuki and Mikako Satsukitane who loved castrating perverts... Japan really has problems," shuddered Twilight as she ticked off a list of Japanese girls who got their comeuppance. "..." "Yeah all of those fighters and fighting schools quickly learned that just because their worlds ran on 'no one can beat them because they're good at punching', doesn't mean it works here. With a lot of them being killed because they didn't surrender when a cop pointed a gun at them," pointed out Daggett. "Then there are the ninjas who suddenly found themselves jobless. All of those ninja tricks doesn't work like in fiction anymore, now those 'Hidden Villages' are just tourist traps. Not to mention that the ninjas use child soldiers and will do anything as long as they're paid to do so. They're a band of thieves, murders and rapists," said Norbert darkly. "What about those pop star ninjas?," Asked Daggett. "The Senran Kaguras? They just following the lead of the magical girls who suddenly found themselves powerless. What being a ninja is no longer a job option. Sure, they can still hired to be spies. but spying nowadays is done by using computers then sneaking into a building...at least...that's the OFFICIAL view." Norbert said last bit with a conspiratorial wink. "They are all young and busty for the most part," Continued Twilight, still not understanding why breasts are seen as sexy... ... Meanwhile, Dipper Pines inexplicably remembered the sight of that purple 'beaver's' rump...which immediately gave him a boner... Which was VERY awkward as he happened to be helping Wendy move a package at this time... ... Suddenly, Twilight felt VERY vindicated in her not understanding why breasts were so important AND very proud of her plot... "..." said Stump suddenly. "That Japanese lawyer you made friends with- Phoenix Wright - had to go back to law school with all the others who worked in his worlds legal system after one of those Hina girls trials?" Twilight asked. "..." "Yeah, I imagine that would be a shock...being in the middle of a trial involving one of those wretched girls...only to have it pointed out that your judicial techniques not only don't make sense but are also illegal now," said Twilight sympathetically. "Like allowing kids to have those...whatchamacallit's?... Metebots? Or something like that... Anyway, Allowing kids to use robots that are armed with guns and bombs was just asking for trouble," muttered Daggett. "Then there were the monsters at Yokai academy. Where most of the students and teachers like to maim, kill or rape. They were quickly hunted down by the Japan armed forces. They really didn't understand that they wouldn't win against people with guns now that magic can't be used anymore," Said Norbert thoughtful. "Like those Shinigami's who are only ghosts in their ghost zone but become human once in the land of the living," agreed Twilight. "Stump, didn't you say that they're fighting that ghost king leading all of those other ghosts from the ghost zone?" Norbert ask. "..." "That answers that," Twilight said. "They're the ones who started it. Their powers don't work anymore and they tried to takeover the ghost zone where the ghosts still have their powers," said Norbert shaking his head. "Boy that was dumb of them," Said Daggett flatly. "At least the ghost villains are too busy fighting those shinigamis to bother the land of the living," said Norbert in relief. "..." "Your right Stump, we have gotten off topic...we were talking about how those Japaneses girls and how they never faced consequences for their actions...Like those adventures you 3 used to go on which caused wide spread destruction and your home to be repeatedly destroyed...yet everything is OK again the next day, like it never happen," Twilight pondered out loud. "Yeah, it's a good thing you stop us from doing things like we use to," Daggett said. "..." "I agree, we must had come from a cartoon-like universe. there's no way the stuff that happened to us wouldn't have long-term consequences otherwise," realized Norbert. "No reset button, being held accountable for your actions, the police not looking the other way and actually doing their jobs, nothing just inexplicably repairs itself a day after it's all destroyed , you don't just 'get better' unless you have a major healing factor and death isn't cheap anymore," Twilight said out loud, listing things off. "Remember how you were all crazy because things just didn't work as it did in your world," teased Daggett. Twilight sighs, "Yeah, yeah. Me go crazy because nothing needs a pony to take care of it. The leaves fall on their own, the snow melts on its own, the animals take care of themselves,". "..." "I know, I know. Without you guys, I would still be like all the other ponies who are still scared of how this world can't be controlled," Twilight admitted. "Then there's Discord's 'Ponies Being Scared Little Babies' videos," Norbert said witha laugh. "My favorite episode was when the ponies all panicked when leaves fell without help," Daggett tittered. "Don't remind me of that," Twilight groaned. "Because of that my people are now labeled as cowards, control freaks and cry babies." "..." "Ok, it's mostly true- with very few exceptions -but still, having your entire race being known as cowards is hard to take," said Twilight depressed. "We beavers aren't known for being brave either, you know. We build dams to hide in them," comforted Norbert. "well, no beaver has panicked when a stamped of baby BUNNIES came to town. The only thing holding Equestria together is Sunset and even then she looks down on ponies," retorted Twilight. "She's is smart one... I'm so glad I kept that clip of her sending a paper dragon to frighten those former royal guards who were inciting a revolt to prove them cowards. That was a hoot!" laughed Norbert. "I can't believe that they fell for that. Those guards ran like the devil himself was after them while the ponies they're suppose to be protecting were being 'eaten',"mused Daggett. "It was the 'Canterlot wedding invasion' all over again! I just can't believe my brother allowed the guard to degenerate into such useless hasbeens! Ponies like that make me embarrassed to be an Equestrian!" Twilight hung her head in shame "Hey look, it's El Grapadura!" Norbert shouted as the brothers favorite wrestling hero; whose name translates in English as 'The Stapler'. "He's now a teacher at the Foremost World Renowned International School of Lucha. Which is the school that airs the wrestling matches on TV, MUCHA LUCHA!" "So many of our old friends have moved away since the merge," realized Daggett sadly. "Treeflower is working as a firefighter in Canterlot, Barry owns that club of his, with Wolffe and Big Rabbit working for him." Said Norbert counting off his fingers as he did so. "Well there is Bing," Dagget admitted.. "Yeah, but he's never around since getting that job as that insurance company mascot," reminded Twilight. "Hey, look. it's that island resort with that home for imaginary friends," Said Daggett suddenly. On the TV was the (sometimes)nearby tropical island of Albonquetine- a large part of Oregon got flooded thanks to all the axcess ocean added during the merge - Which became a tropical resort after the Merge. This was thanks to a foreign exchange student named Mike Mazinsky. She convinced the natives to open up a resort to bring in money. Now Mike, Lu and Og are able to enjoy themselves with the children that come to the island. The resort is run by governor Wendell and staffed by Alfred and Margery. There is also Old Queeks but he mostly just stays in his mountain cave. There is also the 3 pirates; Max, Sam, and Gary. They're working at the resort now, liking all the modern conveniences and better food. Then there are the Cuzzlewits; the other natives who time to time intermarried with the Brits. They also work at the resort. Along with the Cuzzlewits kids; Hermione and her brothers Haggis and Baggis. One of the reason for all the changes was that the island population increasing drastically during the merge. Foster's home for imaginary friends was one of the many things displaced to the island. Bringing with it hundreds of imaginary friends. Madame Foster- the owner of the massive manor -her granddaughter Frankie and a young boy name Mac are the only humans that came with the friends. With so many new people they needed a way to feed and house everyone. So they went with a resort. With the island now in a major shipping lane in this new world, the island has become a major port. The friends help around in entertaining the guests. As children of the new world don't have the power to bring friends to life, the friends are no longer adopted. But they still love children. But of course there are friends that no one likes, like Duchess. Who in this world the is no longer being put up with and threw her out. She now lives in a shack near the island's junkyard. The friend that got the most love is World; who controls everything in his toybox. which guests pay to spend a vacation in it. ... "I would love to have a vacation in the World's toybox," said Daggett excited. "Well, it's expensive...," cautioned Twilight. The merge had apparently damaged whatever caused the island to 'sink and pop up like a cork every hundred years or so'. So now it seemingly just popped up and down all over the world...sometimes at random...although he majority of the time it seemed was either in Gravity Falls or it's 'original' position in the Pacific. As a result of this insanity, both boat and airline directors demanded a LARGE fee before sending people there. "But something that we can save up for," reasoned Norbert. "Well there is also our vacation plan for Jurassic Park and those islands that Fin the Human came from. I would like to try out the VR world that one island has, now that it's been updated," marveled Twilight . "Yeah and see all of those robots that are controlled by Fin's mom," Daggett said. "We could start small and try out the Graboid safari. It would be nice to see that Burt Gummers guy," Norbert suggested. "..." Said Stump as a commercial pop up on the screen revealing a Mr. Handy on the screen in front of General Atomics Galleria. "It would be nice to have our own robot," Dagget agreed with Stump. "I'm still not sure about having a A.I. servant," Twilight said. "They're not A.I.'s, they use a powerful logic engines so they can't do the 'robot uprising' thing. I mean... why create a robot toilet scrubber with human emotions? That's just asking for trouble," reasoned Norbert. (2) "Like that Freddy Fazbear pizza place that had those robots that went around killing people," recalled Twilight. "No, that was because of the ghosts of those dead children. which is now all fixed thanks to some friendly ghosts," explained Norbert. "But yeah, most robots aren't well programmed like the Mr. Handy's." "The world with all those Mr. Handy'd and Protectrons is so advance,"marveled Daggett. "...," said Stump. "You said it. It's amazing how far they manage to advance without inventing the transistor," Said Twilight intrigued. "That what?" asked Daggett. "It's what came before the computer chip,"elaborated Norbert. "Oh... I just like those robots and recycling machines. It's fun throwing trash in and seeing all of it coming out as raw materials,"admitted Daggett. Speaking of that world...a commercial comes up showing the newest highlights of New Vegas... ... WE GOT CHILLS! A giant Deathclaw and a giant Spiderant Queen fight to the death... WE GOT THRILLS! A bunch of exotic dancers- human, pony, Girffin, changeling, mermaid, Yak, Ghoul They had anythign you wanted! -danced on their polls! WE GOT SPILLS! A man was drenched in head to toe in wine before being thrown onto a pool table filled with cash that he began to make a 'cash angel' in. We got it all in New Vegas! The world maybe changing, but fun never dose! Party the night away and we'll guarantee to keep you safe! Cuts to a scene of House brand Securitrons easily mowing down a bunch of bandits as they try to invade... Disclaimer: this guarantee is not legally binding. It says that last bit in a quick, hushed voice... ... Norbert gives a short whistle, impressed "Dang, those are some kickass robots. Thanks to the Powerpuff Girls,the XJ sisters and the Vault Hunters took care of the those mutants, raiders, and those Legion basterds. New Vegas seems like a nice, safe, fun place." "Yeah, Mr. House has really been working hard to promote New Vegas now that most of the rebuilding is done with. Of course old Vegas has been slandering it and New Vegas in return," noted Twilight. Speak of the Devil...a 'OLD' Vegas commercial was coming on... ... Marcus Kincaid walked by a bunch of burnt down buildings, "Hello future valued customers! Life hasn't been great here in Old Vegas since the Merge brought all those gangbangers here and blew this all to shit. But I've rebuilt since then...okay, mostly I crash landed Handsome jacks casino here, but still...pretty impressive right?" He gestures to the crashed, former space casino. And indeed, even in it's current state, it looked very oppulant and massive with people lined up for miles to get in... "Mr House in so called 'NEW' Vegas...Oh, he talks a big game...can even back it up...but can he give you entertainment like this!?" Cuts to scene of a guy shooting a Rakk Hive...only to be sliced apart by it's Rakk brood... "No censorship! No safety! No worries! Pay to hunt monsters! Pay to watch hunters become the hunted! Pay for monster slaughter merchandise, monster body-part trophies and human body-part souvenirs! Everyone's a winner!" Marcus walks up to a make-shift coliseum; "Want to settle an old grudge or an old feud; But are repeatedly held back by sissy 'anti-duel' laws? Well your in luck! Our lawyers finally got the paperwork in! So for a nominal fee, vengeance can be yours!" Cuts to a gladiatorial arena...Retsudo Yagyu and Abe-no-Kaii Tanoshi lock themselves in a horse-drawn carriage, tie one arm behind their backs...then prepare to stab each other with daggers as they driver begins it's two-lap ride over the rockiest terrain that could be brought in...the audience cheers for more blood... "We have a wide variety of duels! Pogo-stick jumping on a minefield armed with maces, Sword swallowing while shooting at each other with cannons, handcuffing yourself and your opponent to a rabid grizzly bear, and so much more!" Marcus then walks up to a giant pole. "Our local mad scientist Tannis Patrica has mostly perfected the space cannon! You have a 50/50 of being sent to space and not exploding!" Cut to a shot of person being shot into outer space...before their spacesuit malfunctions and they decompress and explode... "That could be you! Why wait? make an appointment today! And don't forget to check out our new 'Curse Purge Plus!' Emporium and Crazy Earls Eridium snort opium den! Where 'it's not illegal if the drug was just made yesterday!' "So don't forget: 'OLD Vegas' is just short for OLD SCHOOL!" ... Is that really all legal?" Asked Twilight skeptically "...," explained Stump. "Huh, no kidding? Wow, the legal system here really is messed up..." Stated Twilight thoughtful. "Wait, I thought 'Curse Purge Plus!' was a Rick thing?" Asked Dagget confused. Norbert shrugged, "Apparently when a wandering Rick passed by and went through the inevitable 'make a business to humiliate the local devil, but then grows bored with it afterwards' cycle...Marcus was there before he could burn it down and offered to buy it instead before the Rick went home." He explained. "Marcus's business strategy actually makes a lot of sense. House is clearly directing his advertising toward pleasure seekers and people who want to feel 'safe' while they vacation...so he's focusing on the opposite; adrenaline junkies, survivalists, death seekers, etc..." Said a contemplative Twilight out loud as she changed the channel again... ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMuJBy3TznU The TV showed an urban public housing project in Chicago. With two men standing in front of one of the buildings. It was Thurgood and Smokey's comedy hour! "I'm trying to clean up this neighborhood, and I'm wondering if you could help me by pointing out some of the drug addicts," Explained Thurgood. "Mm, okay, but uh, nowadays drug addicts have some pretty peculiar names," Smokey admitted. "You mean nicknames?" "Well, street names like uh, Who's on crack, Say What's on smack, and uh, I Don't Know freebases," "Well do you know the fellows' names?" "I said Who's on crack, Say What's on smack, and I Don't Know freebases," "Well, who's on crack?" "Yes." "I mean, the fellow's name," "Who." "The guy on crack!" "Who!" "The crack addict!" "Who is on crack." "I don't know!" Thurgood shouted. "I don't know freebases," Corrected Smokey. "Who freebases?" Thurgood asked starting to get REALLY annoyed. "No, who's on crack," Smokey reminded. "Say what?" Thurgood asked irritated. "No, he's on smack," "Who's on smack?" "No, who's on crack." "I don't know!" Thurgood shouted, clearly at the end of his rope. "Freebase!" Smokey exclaimed exasperated. "Shut up, you damn stupid crackhead!" Thurgood shouted finally. ... "Let's see what's on the news," Twilight said changing the channel to the news...and is stunned to see STUMP being sent aboard a space shuttle! "Stump, when did you get involved with NASA!?" "...," explained Stump. "Wait, the moon is fake?" Daggett asked startled. "And there's a second moon that's constantly phasing in and out of existence thanks to the merge?" Norbert adds. "Not only that; but there is a rescue mission happening because on the second moon there's a bunch of kids in a giant tree house stuck there called the KND? How do you know all that?" asked Twilight fascinated. "...," said Stump. "Oh," said all 3 in understanding. "Well, That explains why you disappear now and then at least," said Daggett thoughtful. "So that's why you were in that Mr. Meaty commercial," said an equally contemplative Twilight . Apparently Stump is working at the fast food place at that mall up north. It used by run by a tyrant named Edward R. Carney before Stump got him arrested. Now, Mr. Wink is back in charge and leading the company in a brighter direction! ... All gods creatures, fresh off the grill! So come on down to Mr Meaty where friends meet to eat! MEAT! "Welcome to Mr Meaty! Where we don't hire incompetent employees anymore!" Smiles Mr. Wink in said commercial. ... Parker and Josh scream as their thrown into the dumpster behind the mall... ... A news flash showed pictures of China still in the middle of a civil war but the side backing Taiwan is gaining ground. The China civil war happen because of all the different governments that appeared all fought each other for control. The side that Taiwan is backing is one being lead by a talking Panda name Po who is a kung fu fighter. His side is one where the non humans races have gathered together as they wanted equal rights and not seen as animals. They were so successful because Po figured out how to adapt his inner-peace cannon-fire deflecting technique to most other firearms and teaching it to others...allowing even the lowliest 'pheasant' to bring down an army. True, discovery of this adaption had been a complete accident in an incident involving mung beans, circus freaks, sex lubricant and fifty tons of spam... But on the other hand...'There are NO accidents...' ... Suddenly they they find themselves watching a commercial being done by Orson Welles ghost. "A RICH, full-bodied wine, sensibly priced at a dollar per jug. There's no beating Blotto Bro's brand wine. And now for a little magic...I will make this jug Disappear!" He then begins to chug the large jug of wine down... GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! GULP! "Right, I'm just going to move on..." Said Twilight awkwardly as she changed the channels... ... Russia's civil war is still raging, there was at first an attempt to unite all the other factions against the blisk faction...but a new faction led by Nikolai Demichev somehow crushed most of the anti-Blisk coalition while they were focused on fighting the Blisk... Russia was now stuck in a bloody three-way war that showed no signs of ending soon... ... "Hey, the Blisk.. weren't they the same one's who fought that one alien who brainwashed everyone to become the president?" Daggett asked. "That Cyrpto guy? Boy, all those different presidents showing up at DC at the same time during the merge REALLY stirred up the hornets nest...still hard to believe we ended up with the gangleader of Saint's Row as a president in the aftermath," Said Twilight in disbelief. "It's not like they're a real gang anymore. They sold out and are selling their gang signs on shirts," Norbert pointed out. ... ROSEBUD! Exclaimed Orson Welle's ghost in a very Back-and-white dramatic way before the screen reverts back to color. "Yes, Rosebud Frozen peas! Full of country Goodness and green peanes!... Wait, what? That's just terrible!" Orson says affronted as he abruptly stands up and begins to storm out. "I quit!" He then briefly backtracks to grab the plate of peas. "Just a handful for the road." He says as he eats the whole thing while walking off. CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! "Oh, what luck! There's a french fry stuck in my beard!" CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! "Well...that was poorly edited." Said Twilight confused as she flipped channels. Norbert snorted derisively, "Geeze, they'll let ANYONE on TV these days..." ... England was still dealing with the fallout from the British Library and the Gentleman. Thankfully the merge cost him his reality warping powers. But one didn't accumulate so much power and wealth for so long without having a few tricks up their sleeves... Outnumberd and outgunned, Joker released an army of I-Jin to turn the tide. They failed through sheer attrition, but not without wracking up hundreds of thousands of casualties AND the destruction of several cities. With the entire agency arrested, Joker executed, the books containing the memories of the Gentleman burnt...the British isle was able to take a sigh of relief...for about a DAY. Then the former British magicals took advantage of the chaos to kidnap children to murder for their 'ritual.' From the death and destruction...a NEW power began to emerge. A Human supremacist political party know as Norsefire was rapidly gaining numbers and influence... ENGLAND PREVAILS! ... "Well, that doesn't look good." Said Twilight concerned as she changed channels... ... France was still dealing with Nazis who came from a world where they won, and the vigilante group Code Lyoko was fighting them street by street. The Miraculous team is now aiding them, thanks to the discovery that their magic is yet another exception to the 'all magic is gone' rule. (3) Which was good as in addition to the Nazi's, Hawkmoth was still up to his old tricks... All was chaos...then yet another displaced entity named Henri Crousteau used his Frankodyne industry resources to build an army of Nexos to help maintain order in France. No longer desperate for resources and Manpower, the Miraculous team was finally able to kick Chloe Bourgeois off the team. She has now been arrested for domestic terrorism due to constantly antagonizing people with full knowledge of the possibility of this actions creating Akuma, thus recklessly endangering hundreds of people and aiding a terrorist-like threat just for her own selfishness and stupidity. Her father tried to use his influence to spring her, but this just ended with him kicked out of office and arrested for gross incompetence and abuse of power. ... The scene opens to Fred and friends excited, watching a football game. Camera rotates to John, standing behind a counter with a popcorn popper on top. John smiles at the camera, "Hey folks, John Madden here for the Quickpop Popcorn Popper! Fred walks up, "Hey, John, how's it work?" John: It's simple, Fred. You just plug it in- plugs machine in -open up the butter packet... He trilas off as he picks up butter packet, try's to rip it open, but fails. He laughs. "I screwed up guys Sorry 'bout that, the packet won't open. Could we get a better packet?" BLEEP! "Hey folks, John Madden here for the Quickpop Popcorn Popper." Fred walks up again, "Hey, John, how's it work?" "It's simple, Fred. You just plug it in- plugs machine in -open up the butter packet..." He ties but fails to open the packet again. "Damn it, its sealed up tight." Turns to the camera jovial. "You know, when I do the Tough Actin Tinactin commercial. All I do is say 'Boom, Tough Actin Tinactin', then the guy shows his feet, and then people smile- I mean, they don't have to open a butter packet..." BLEEP! Cut to another take, John is still struggling with the butter packet... -Ahh, fucking butter packet! Is this thing welded shut, or what!? This is fucking bullshit!" He screams as he tries to rip it open with his teeth, then just throws it down and jumps up and down on it. BLEEP! "Hey, John, how's it work?" "It's simple Fred, you just plug it in..." plugs in machine- ZAP! GAH! John screams as his arm get electrocuted, his arm and sleeve are now burnt! "I CAN SMELL MY ARM FLESH COOKING! It's like I've been napalmed!" Screamed John. "Puts some butter on it! the butter!" Exclaims Fred concerned. "I can't put some butter on it! I can't get the butter open! Throws packet at Fred's face, "Asswipe!" BLEEP! John is screaming to someone off-camera. "Let's finish this godforsaken commercial! And when I find out who booked me for this, I'm gonna kick 'em in the ass!" Turns to Camera and smiles. "Hey folks, John Madden here for the Quickpop Popcorn Popper Its simple, Fred." "I didn't say the line." "Go fuck yourself!" BLEEP! "Hey, John, how's it work?" "It's simple, Fred, you just plug it in... go ahead, do it." He hands it to Fred. Fred carefully plugs it in, they both jump back, but nothing happens. "Open up the butter packet- Hands butter packet to Fred, Fred rips it open with ease. John angrily rolls his eyes but says nothing -Pour it in." Fred cautiously pours butter into popcorn machine before turning it on. "And in ten seconds, ya got hot buttery popcorn for the whole gang! Hey lets eat, heehee!" John leans over to the machine. "It smells so good!" John opens lid- FWOOSH! GAH! -steam shoots into his face. He slams down the lid while he screams in agony as Fred laughs. "Its melting!" Glares at the others as they try hard to stop laughing and back away. "What's so funny, guys? Ya want a face full of hot buttery popcorn, is that what you want?" Angrily Picks up machine, which burns his hands. He screams while the other laugh at him. A man with no face comes up from behind, slams him into the glass machine. CRASH! GAH! John screams in pain as numerous glass shards are embedded in his face and the steam is once more searing him... BLEEP! Cut to John at a replay drawing board. He is drawing circles around various parts of the scene while he talks: i.e. the butter packet and Quickpop Popcorn Popper. "Ya see, you got the popcorn right there. You got the butter packet there. I don't know how you're gonna get it open, use a blow torch or something. Then it starts melting, you hear it popping, so then you'll know it's done. and you can put it in a bowl and give it to your friends. Or one of these A-holes sitting in the corner here, like a bunch of jackasses. And then what happens is you can eat it or throw it in the couch. Sometimes I get it in the couch, and it sits there but it doesn't stink or rot, cause hey, its just popcorn!" He growls but clearly acts relieved the commercial is over. Shows popcorn popper, with the logo over the screen... "The Quickpop Popcorn Popper, John Madden couldn't figure it out, but you certainly can! Enjoy!" ... "Okay...what the Buck!? Why would they leave the 'outtakes' in the commercial!? What is this!?" Asked Twilight confused, having just watched the Quickpop commercial on TV. Daggett have you been messing with the antenna to pick up pirated broadcasts again?" Asks Norbert suspicious. Daggett shrugs, "What? they're funny!" Everyone else groans, but continues flipping channels... ... India was awash with chaos as different groups fought each other which was caused by the fighting in the Middle-East spilling over, thanks to all the different groups that appeared as well as creatures and beings from myths and legends. ... Orson Wells ghost smiles at the camera, "And remember, there is no Fish sticks like Mrs. Pells." "Uh...Mr Wells? This is the erectile dysfunction commercial." Whispered a stage hand off-screen. Wells rolls his eyes, "I KNOW, that was just a deceleration of LOVE!" He begins to noisily eat them. "Yes...Oh, yes!" They're even better RAW!" He noisily eats some more. "Oh, yes...and even better still when your dead!" ... Everyone in the Beaver den looks away from the TV and Orson wells mastication to glare at Daggett. He sighs, "Alight, fine. I'll stop..." "Thank you." Said Twilight as she changes the channel... ... Then came a news flash coming from Zootopia; about Jake Spidermonkey being arrested after he set his school- Charles Darwin Middle School -on fire, killing many. His friend; Adam Lyon- the only human that went to the animal school -told the reporters that Jake is reckless, hyperactive, stupid, chaotic, rude, obnoxious, and ignorant. Jake apparently did things like this all the time before the merge. But no one but Lyon called him out on this and the other students and staff would always defend Jake no matter what he did. His other friends with are speechless when asked why would they defended someone who just burnt their school and killed so many innocents. They were too busy vomiting and sobbing over so many deaths to respond. So Adam had to explain that in fairness, no one got killed because before...and any trouble or damage Jake caused was usually undone the next day. Principal Poncharello Pegone Pixiefrog was also in the hot seat for turning a blind eye to a student like Jake for so long, And now he has now had a stroke as lawsuit after lawsuit is thrown at his feet. (4) ... "Reminds me of the Spongebob case," said Norbert suddenly. "Oh yeah," Daggett nodded in agreement. "...," Stump said. "I still don't understand how they cause that much damage to Atlantica, they're so SMALL." admitted a baffled Twilight. "...," questioned Stump. "Patrick Star was just too dumb to understand what he did was wrong and got many people killed. After they destroyed Atlantica. King Triton spared Spongebob because he at least showed remorse for what happened. But Patrick showed nothing and just demeaned ice cream- which somehow was the reason the palace was destroyed in the first place. He only seem to understand what he did was wrong when King Triton electrocuted Patrick to death. This was then Followed by having the remains burnt just in case he wasn't as dead as he seemed," recapped Twilight. "Remember how that squid guy was dancing on the ashes of Patrick in front of Spongebob. He then went and tore off his pants, just to kick him while he was down. Everyone was laughing and pointing at him as the guards lead him away naked and sobbing. Up to that point, Spongebob was living in his own little world. He finally realized that the squid had always hated him and was the reason why the case was so strong against him as the squid... what's his name was a key witness. And the only reason why everyone in that town... Bikini something...anyway, the only reason they allowed the Sponge and his friend to do what he wanted was because of the delicious patties only he could make... but thanks to the merge happening. He was no longer the only one who can cook good," Reminisced Daggett. "I still don't get it... how could everyone but him be unable flip patties?" Asked Twilight incredulous. "It's just how the logic of that world worked. Like how many of the merged worlds in Japan had people who are either great cooks or could kill you with their cooking... but nothing inbetween," elaborated Norbert. (5) "None of this changes the fact that all those merpeople and seacreatures lost all their homes." Said Twilight sadly... "Well, At least Rapture was there for them to move in. Sure, the merpeople need wheelchairs to get around. But at least they have a home now," Said a relieved Norbert. "And all the other water breathers have made their home around it," agreed Twilight happily. "..." Stump pondered out loud. "Yeah, it is strange that Adam doesn't effect most races aside from humans. All the water breathers so far aren't effected by it...or at least not giving them superpowers in any rate, stated Twilight. "What about the ones who are half human?" Norbert ask. "The juries still out on that, last I heard. But it does explain why the sea life around Adam slug burrows aren't full of super powered sea life," Admitted Twilight thoughtful. ... "No!" Shouted Mowgli before Bagheera ripped off his loincloth... ... Tomo boy let's out a yell of triumph as he swings through the air on a vine- RIP! -oblivious that his loincloth just got ripped off. ... Tak whistled as he walked down the recently paved path...he sees a cute rat. "Hey, there little guy?" Reaches down to pet it. "Want some nuts, I- REEEE! Screamed the rat as it jumped on his loincloth! "GAH! MY NUTS! MY NUTS!" Screamed Tak as it ripped off his loincloth and ran... ... The scene then changes to the same rat coughing out the loincloth to a large pile of them. Shanti petted it, gave it a reward and smiled at the camera. "What you saw was a little preview of 'Jungle boys gone wild: Epic fail edition!' All your favorite jungle boys having their loincloths and dignity stripped of them! Order now and you'll get a box of 'prank-loincloths' for no extra charge! Don't delay, call today! ... "Huh...interesting...so human genitals are outside their bodies for all to see...that can't be safe...are they SUPPOSED to be that small?" Asked Twilight curious. She suddenly realized that 'thing' she'd seen the other day outside the waterfall must've been that as well. "Nah, I think those guys were just REALLY unlucky." Said Dagget suppressing a laugh. "Yes, I'm afraid so. At the risk of sounding crude; you'd be hard-pressed to find guys with smaller schlongs, the poor bastards." Said Norbert with an equal mix of sympathy and mirth. ... Meanwhile, Dipper sneezed...and felt the need to cover his crotch for some reason... ... "Okay...but 'prank loincloths?' What makes it a prank? And why would anyone want it?" Asked Twilight baffled "If I had to guess: I'd say the loincloths are made to either dissolve in water or are so flimsy they rip apart with no issue. It be the kind of thing girls would buy to humiliate enemies, boyfriends, brothers, the list goes on...girls can be jerks like that." Admitted Norbert. Twilight snorts, "Well, there's no way I'd EVER do that to a guy." She affirms as she reaches for the remote to change the channel... ... Meanwhile, Dipper sneezed again and felt the inexplicable urge to buy EXTRA clothes and make sure they were backed up and REINFORCED for some reason... ... "Hey look. the Colonel Kluckin's Kitchen locations have been sold to KFC," said Twilight as she flipped the channels again. "Isn't that the food chain that would be more at home in the City where Mr. Membrane came from?" Norbert asked. Remembering the horror stories of motor oil used in the firers, gasoline used in the shakes to make them more digestible by burning out taste buds, and of course grinding up human corpses into cheap 'chicken-substitute' "Yup," Twilight said. "I still don't get how those people ever managed to survive as they are. They barely remember how to breathe," Daggett puzzled. "Their like that upper management of that company that my online friend Dilbert use to work at. They either been blacklisted or been arrested for what they did," Norbert said. "Hey look!" Daggett said pointing to the TV. On the TV was a commercial for the Mr. series of collectible toys from Wondertainment, which are sold in Happy Meals. "Can't believe that guy from Korra's world, Varrick went and partner up with Wonka to start a toy company of all things," Twilight said amazed. "..." "You work there?" Norbert asked Stump. "..." "Oh you sell your ideas to them," Daggett nod in understanding to Stump. "Hey look, it's those two freelance police; Sam and Max," Twilight said pointing to the TV which has Max and Sam standing in front of a flaming hospital and standing between the two is a pale naked man who has been forcibly dressed in a pair of pants and a iron mask that has been welded onto his head and attracted to a chest harness to keep it in place. The news reporter told the viewers at home how the two captured a nigh-unstopable creature who attacked and ate anyone who saws its face.(6) "Don't get me wrong, it's amazing what those two can accomplish... but the damage they leave behind...," Twilight trails off at the sight of the burning city next to an ocean...which was SOMEHOW also on fire! "..." "Stump's right. Say what you will of their methods, they do work...EVENTUALLY. I man, if it wasn't for them putting that giant Greenland sized crab-like thing to sleep. It would had wrecked South America before it headed in our direction," elaborated Norbert.(7) "They are only called when nothing else is working," Daggett said somberly. "I hope they won't be called to help around here," said Twilight crossing her hooves. ...out in space... She's been waiting for a very long time. Wondering if she's doing it right as she continue to wait for HER to return. Under the endless night sky she waited for the return of her diamond... She's been standing still, not moving from the spot that she was told not to move from. Even as the garden around her had died without anyone to care for it. The vines of some plants had grown and wraped themselves around her legs... but she didn't move... as she was told not to for the game they're playing. She just waited as she was told, staring at the warp pad where her diamond would return... one day. "WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL," a voice called out. For the first time in ages, she turn her head around to see who spoke. "... whose... there?" she said struggling to speak as she hadn't spoken for over 6000 years. A flat yellow triangle with black arms and legs and a single eye, wearing a bow tie and tophat appeared floating in the air. "NAME'S BILL CIPHER AND YOU MY DEAR, HAVE A RAW DEAL. WHICH IS WHY, I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU A BETTER DEAL," Bill said. "Deal?" she ask. "YES A DEAL. ONE BETTER THEN THE ONE THAT PINK GAVE YOU WHEN SHE ABANDON YOU HERE, SPINEL," Bill said. "...abandoned me?" Spinel asked...she didn't want to believe it...but it had been so long...and she was so sad...and hurt... "YES, LET ME TELL YOU ALL THAT YOU HAVE MISSED," Bill said. …III... TO BE CONTINUED? ...AN... 1 - With how big and fancy most anime and manga schools are, not to mention how big they are, the land taxes alone would bankrupt the schools. Then there are all the cost of upkeep and paychecks for all those who work at the school, not just teachers but the army of gardeners, janitors, repair crews to keep a city size school running. Then there are the power and water bills and other bills for all the taxes that need to be paid. Unless the schools charge tons of money for each student there is no way any school would be able to afford to stay open, not to mention how a city size school would cost millions to build and seeing how its in Japan with the amount of land the schools take up, would be costing billions. Which is in dollar value and the schools would be in dept having to pay it all off for years. And that's for the more normal schools and not the ones with all the advance tech and other things like robots and stuff like that, which would cost millions. 2 - Why would you make a robot that can think for itself, have emotions and feel when it's only job is to clean a toilet? 3 - Lady Bug and her team still have their magical powers thanks to their magic not being any of the types of spell casting magic that have been known to cease functioning after the Merge. Their magic comes from their small magical partners, which is like in Slayers where Lina is able to borrow the magic of someone else, like the spell Dragon Slave which the power came from the demon lord, which is why the spell didn't work on him. Where the caster has no magic but can borrow the magic of someone else as long as the one they're borrowing the magic from allows it. 4 - Outside of a TV show where the logic of how the show world works, in always believing a stranger over someone you have known for years, staying friends with someone who never treats you as a friend, two people who hate each other are married to each other, and expecting to get away with anything just because, doesn't work in real life. 5 - In almost all fiction you either can't cook to the point where you can burn soup or when you pour milk into a bowl of cereal it burst in flames. Or so good that people will fight to the death for it. Can't really think of any who are just normal. 6- SCP-096 7- SCP-169