//------------------------------// // Evil Rules and Evil Rules! // Story: Cozy Zurg's Adventures! // by Ultimus Pendragon //------------------------------// “Faster, faster!” Zurg commanded, hovering in the air as he watched his minion complete another lap around the track, wanting to test her endurance and gauge her overall speed. “I have witnessed a sloth moving faster than you, and they’re the slowest things on the planet!” Cozy Glow panted and pushed her wings even further, zooming down the line as a pink and blue blur. When Mr. Zurg said he would help get her in shape, she didn’t know he meant business like this. “Huwah! B-But Mr. Zurg!” Cozy shouted in exasperation, her tongue lolling out her mouth. “Emperor.” Zurg’s glowed a brighter shade of red. “And speak.” Cozy Glow rounded the last bend as her body felt as if it was literally on fire. The goal was within reach, tempting, waiting. One let grunt and another quick flutter of her wings shot her forward, the feeling of joy as her hooves tore the thin finish line as she unceremoniously flopped to the ground in a pool of sweat. “Ha! Ha! Ha! Water. . .please!” “Oh, such a drama queen,” Zurg waved his hand about as a nearby drone came over to the evil pony in training, settling for pouring a bit of the water in her mouth until she signaled to stop. A chirp of curiosity came before she fanned her hooves towards herself, the robot settling to just dump the remaining contents on her and fly away. “Thank you. . .” Cozy commented, catching her breath. “How was that, Mr. Zurg?” Zurg touched back down, looking over the clock and running the numbers through the database of all his minions he had complete their entry physical, and was frankly not surprised. He expected a certain level of failure, but this degree was a bit different. “Admirable, if nothing. You haven’t gotten the best time, but also not the worst. That being said, there is room for improvement,” Zurg folded his arms behind his back as he shuffled. Cozy looked up at her friend walking away as she thought about what she heard. Room for improvement? So that means? She did good, but could do better! She could get as strong as she would need to if it meant helping Equestria. Cozy liked that idea. “I can’t wait to tell me friends about this!” Zurg stopped just shy of the door, hearing what his newest addition just said. Anymore of these. . .creatures knowing that their doom is just underneath their noses would be, admittedly, more bad than good. He would have to set her straight. “You are to tell none of what you have seen or done here!” Cozy tilted her head, blinking some of the water in her eyes away. “But why? Aren’t we saving the world? Shouldn’t everpony know so we can have more help?” Mr. Zurg had looked worried for a moment. Was he nervous that nopony would come to their aid? That his help wouldn’t be enough? Zurg had to, once again think of something that would explain the situation to the small creature; any complications in agenda would result in setback, and Emperor Zurg had enough setbacks dealing with Star Command. Hmm, what could he say to a small child of a seemingly impressionable species that will drive his point of world conquest disguised as subpar fact? Ah, he found it. “Well, yes; that is our mission, but you also must think about the long term effects of what you would want to happen; one cannot be careless,” Zurg said, clutching his hand as his heart began to burn with evil passion. “We must be the best at we what do, and must only do it when fully capable, otherwise those who will come to depend on us when we reveal ourselves can rest assured-“ Zurg took a dramatic pause, the lighting in the room all extinguished except for on him and Cozy. “We must be a force truly evil!” Cozy watched in amazement as Mr. Zurg gave a resounding speech, his words seemingly reaching out throughout the entire ship as more of his minions came to watch, overcome with emotion. Cozy took a seat and soaked in the motivation. “We shall be the force that frees the world from itself, we shall be engraving the words of tomorrow, today! Our mission is one most noble, and not one that can undertaken without a carefully thought about plan with the slightest attention to detail!” Zurg roared, sweeping his arms out in front of him as if he was on stage, his words creating a story for the ages. “No longer, matters that do not line up with the truest goal will be rejected! All shall be treated equally! We shall become the new order of this world, and we will be the motivation for those to come and follow in our footsteps!” A brilliant symphony of sound broke out, ranging from claps of joy to shouts of happiness, and the tears of emotion by a speech this profound. Cozy shed a tear or two as Mr. Zurg extended his hand to her, letting her into the small platform as she looked up at him, the features of his face unmoving until he spoke. “Now, do you see why we wait? Now do you see what waiting and planning can really do, and can you really see the bigger picture that I am attempting to paint?” Cozy thought she understood at first, really she did. But that speech that was just given by Mr. Zurg just fortified her belief, and what she wanted to personally do to help the world. It probably would appear to be backwards thinking to most, but being evil. . .is actually being good. And being good is never not that. “Yes, Mr. Zurg; I see it now! I know, but what thing are we gonna do first when we reveal ourselves?” Zurg hummed in contentment, knowing he broke a ways through into that mind of hers, hoping it would be all the more easier to fully turn her to the side of evil. “I suppose gathering information about the strongest powers, their accounts of battle, rule and personal convictions, if you can secure those,” Cozy looked at Zurg when it appeared she didn’t understand. “This way we can learn from their mistakes and possibly even improve on things that they may failed at.” Cozy nodded furiously, that made complete and total sense. She never would have thought of something like that, even with help. Cozy couldn’t wait to introduce Zurg to the world, everypony would love him, maybe Princess Celestia and Luna even more; they could talk strategy, and even be partners. But an idea she did have that would help speed up their efforts was almost impossible not to think of. “I can ask Headmare Twilight for books! She has plenty of them!” “Good, good!” Zurg nodded himself, almost bringing himself to tears with the after effects of his own speech and by the bundle of roses someone dropped down to him. “Nana Zurg would be so proud of this!” Zurg sniffled to himself. “Go now; I shall grant you a week, return here when you have procured the necessary materials, and we shall commence phase 2.” “What’s phase 2?” Cozy asked. “Application of the knowledge we gain. I have sent for the the materials that I need to get our ship up and running again, which should also be within a week of completing your own mission, is that understood?” Zurg’s expectations for this one was, considering all possible reasons, a tad higher than the average, but there could be a way for failure. “Aye-Aye, Mr. Zurg!” Cozy attempted to fly over and give the warlord a hug, only to be met by his hand stopping her. “No hugs,” Zurg responded, threatening to zap her with his eyes. “You should know this by now.” Cozy snickered, she didn’t really feel it that much, but she saw Mr. Zurg just needed a friend, and probably was scared of making one, that he maybe didn’t know how. “I’ll still try every time. We’re friends, Mr. Zurg,” Cozy flew around the warlord, intent of breaking his guard as he primed his eyes when she got close, or settled for swatting her hands away like the world’s biggest fly. “Emperor Zurg does not make friends!”