Chapter Eighteen: When Hot Tongues Lead to Uh-Oh
Written by TheCrimsonDM
Spike woke up earlier than he’d expected after a late night adventure with Luna. He wasn’t expecting her to come for him in the middle of the night. Nor for her to spend ten minutes digging around Twilight’s room searching for secrets. Once she had finished that and he had the book he was going to give to her today they returned to the castle and Spike went straight to bed in Twilight’s old room.
Once the morning had come and he woke up he dragged himself out of bed and made sure to leave Twilight’s educational material on her bed for her. The old room was clean and spotless, as was expected of the maids in the castle. It was also left in perfect order. Not a quill, inkpot, or book out of place.
He left the room only to see a servant with a maid outfit walking toward the door. She had a black mane cut off at her chin and lavender fur almost matching Twilight’s in hue. The mare stared down at Spike in confusion for a moment but then smiled and bowed.
Spike rolled his eyes. “You're Twilight’s right?”
She nodded.
Spike smiled and rubbed his claws together. Right, because Twilight was a princess, and not only that one who was getting married to Celestia on Friday… “Tell me, do they have any spare gems I can eat for breakfast?”
The mare blinked, silently turned around and motioned for him to follow. Spike figured she either didn’t speak out of fear, respect or was actually mute. Whatever the cause she was at least leading him to his breakfast so he’d be okay with that. The thought only briefly occurred to him that he shouldn’t abuse this power too much… and that the others likely had no restraint whatsoever.
Along the way he encountered Shining Armor as he walked down the hall. Upon seeing him Shining Armor changed direction and began walking alongside Spike. “Good morning, Spike, oh great hero of the Crystal Empire.”
Spike laughed. “Of course I am. Who else would I be?”
“Nice, I see your tact is still in place.”
“It is, where?”
Shining Armor laughed. “So, you have fun playing Ogres and Obellets with Big Mac down there?”
“Yeah, but it’s kind of a shame there is only two of us. Makes the whole point of roleplaying kind of useless. Sometimes Pinkie or Rainbow Dash joins in. I also got Twilight to play… twice. Each time she accused me of putting my fantasies for Rarity into it and then proceeded to make characters who broke the pacing of my game.”
Shining Armor nodded. “Yeah… she’s always been like that. Accused me of doing the same thing with Cadance, and then broke my game… of course she was so happy to be included that I couldn’t say no.”
“Yeah well I had to put my claw down the second time. She almost made Big Mac cry when she killed the skeleton horse he was trying to befriend so she could get three experience points and level up… just for three experience points. I would have just given them to her.”
“At least she isn’t killing the guards for the most efficient way to level. That was a nightmare. Surprisingly where she really did well was with being the GM. She could create fun stories and balanced fights like none other. I remember one time she created a fight for me and my friends where we fought a dragon, we thought we’d lose until we noticed the magical harpoons she put in the battle for us to use. It was crazy how much thought she put into those battles.”
Spike scratched at the scales on his neck. “I’ll have to ask her about that.”
“So, what do you think about the wedding?”
Spike stretched his arms over his head as they turned down a corridor. “It’s insane. Glad to hear Twilight’s doing better but I’m pretty sure they’re all going to lose their minds soon.”
Shining Armor nodded. “It is crazy, but I think they’ll all be happy. At least, Cadance has me convinced they will. I still have plans drawn out for just in case this all goes wrong in the worst of ways.”
The servant opened the door and beckoned for the two to go in. They did and Spike found a small room filled with various gems in a bowl. A wall filled with blueprints, plans, and piles of folders on the desk. Shining Armor let out a sigh as he made his way to the desk.
Even Spike couldn’t forget this room if he tried. As he took a seat on the wooden chair across from Shining on the desk and grabbed the bowl of gems. He wondered why he was led to Shining Armor’s old office. He smiled as he opened up a report and Spike popped a sapphire into his mouth letting it melt into goo around his tongue.
Shining Armor spoke, “So, about this wedding I am currently trying to run security for, I think I have most of the potential and realistic threats handled but can you think of any that I might have missed?”
Spike didn’t have to think about it. “Discord.”
“Already covered,” Shining Armor said. “I spoke with him personally and when he found out about the eight way marriage he began laughing… he laughed, and laughed, and laughed until his entire body turned into hundreds of mouths laughing and one by one vanished. So… I don’t think he’ll be a threat. He seems to think this whole situation is some kind of-“
“Chaos?”
“Yes.”
Well he wasn’t wrong to think that, just from what little Spike had seen so far, this whole thing was nuts. In fact his initial response was pretty much the same as Discords. This was a joke. Still it was fun watching this. The only thing he could think of besides that was a simple one. “Do the brides all know what kind of power they have over ponies now?”
Shining Armor stared at him. “No, I don’t think they’ve realized it and I am really hoping that they remain that way.”
Spike nodded. “That might be a mistake.”
***
“So,” Twilight said as she walked with Celestia through the halls toward the room Cadance was supposed to be staying in. “You promised you’d teach me some things yesterday.”
Celestia offered a smile but it didn’t quite touch her eyes. “Of course. I know yesterday was a bit busy and my answers at the time were not… exactly to your liking.”
Twilight could agree to that. “I don’t think the answer of ‘when two ponies love each other very much they have a special kind of hug’ works anymore.”
Celestia winced. “I… was afraid of that. So I am asking the actual expert in these activities to help out.”
After this morning Celestia had thankfully cooled down a lot and the supposed burns they received were not bad enough to warrant anything more than a light healing spell from Twilight. She dared to risk rubbing up against Celestia’s side to find the mare was warm, not blistering hot, just warm. “You know… I was hoping that you’d teach me, yourself.”
Celestia’s body rose in temperature by a small amount. Twilight backed away instinctively. Did she anger Celestia with her request? Was she doing this in the wrong way? Now Twilight wasn’t sure and even though she had committed to making sure Celestia could feel all the pleasure a wife deserves, it felt almost like Celestia was pulling away from her. Maybe she felt insecure with how many wives she was about to have, Twilight knew she had some strong feelings toward that fact. Not to mention Twilight was ready to do anything to stop Celestia from doing anything with the others. Of course she hadn’t figured out how she could stop that half of the marriage yet.
Pinkie was getting way too up and close into her territory. Seeing Luna and Fluttershy this morning was also problematic. Even Twilight could tell they must have had a better night than she did. Twilight bet Fluttershy even kissed Luna… her cheeks were running hot at the thought, but now she just had to find the way to get Celestia to kiss her…
Before anypony else got that opportunity.
Celestia opened a door and they walked into a room that was bleached with pink and red. It was almost an eye sore to be sure but the large red bed in the middle shaped like a heart was really the only indication she needed to know that Cadance was the owner of this room. It didn’t hurt that the alicorn herself was sitting on the bed with a mischievous look in her eyes.
As Celestia led Twilight inside she spoke. “Cadance, Twilight requires some education on how intercourse works and various techniques. I assume you’re up to the task of teaching her?”
Cadance pouted. “Oh but Auntie, she is your wife. You should be the one to teach her such things.”
Twilight nodded in agreement. Hopeful for… anything really.
Celestia turned around and the doors shut behind her. The lock clicked as Twilight realized Cadance had just locked the three of them into a room together. Celestia turned a glare back upon Cadance.
Cadance smiled. “Oh no, my door seems to have shut and locked itself forcing you to take responsibility for your bride’s needs. Oops.”
Celestia growled, and then smiled. Her horn lit up and Celestia vanished for a moment only to appear a moment later with her face slammed into the door itself. Celestia slid to the floor. “Ah, I see you used Luna’s teleportation blocking spell on this room.”
Cadance laughed. “No, no, this one is of my own design and has been here for many years. How do you think I’ve dealt with ponies who have refused to acknowledge their feelings in the past? Shooting love into them only goes so far you know.”
Celestia looked at Cadance and then the bed she was sitting on with a disgusted look upon her face. Cadance grinned. “Oh come now, that’s only for after they admit their feelings and then want to act on them.”
Celestia recomposed herself and took a seat next to Twilight. “Then I suppose we shall be here for some time.”
Twilight stared up at her. “How come? Oh do you have a lot to teach me?” Her ears folded back as Twilight realized the implication of that. “Oh… not um… not too much I hope…”
Celestia let out a sigh as she wrapped a wing around Twilight’s back. “Twilight, I love you. However, I fear I am not qualified to teach you in this way.”
Twilight’s mind worked into double time and came to an answer that she really didn’t like. One that stung at her heart and made her wince with pain. She had thought of every possibility but not, not this one. How could she go her whole life and not even once think of this possibility. It had been years since their engagement and Twilight didn’t once stop to think… why Celestia had said yes.
A sniffle was followed by her vision going blurry. “I… I see.”
Cadance was quick to jump in. “Celestia, your breaking her heart!”
Celestia looked down and stroked the wing on Twilight’s back. Despite its warmth it felt alien and uncomfortable now. Twilight pushed the wing away. Celestia’s voice came out quiet. “Twilight, what’s wrong?”
“I’m… I’m fine.” Twilight lied. She lied through her teeth as she thought about everything. The reason Celestia hadn’t pushed for the marriage sooner. The reason she ditched Twilight off at Ponyville to make ‘friends’ and the reason she was still trying so hard to get out of this whole wedding. Out of every possible thing that could have happened Twilight didn’t think this would be the one that hurt the most. Of course Celestia didn’t want to kiss her, or teach her about sex, or, or even marry her.
Twilight fell to the floor. She couldn’t hold it in. She let out a quiet sob. “You don’t find me attractive.”
Cadance gasped.
Celestia froze. The reaction was proof, all the proof she needed to know that Celestia didn’t love her. Not in the way she wanted. She was just marrying her out of a promise. How foolish Twilight was to ever think she could have Celestia’s heart and attention. Even though Luna loved her, what was the point? Without Celestia, was there even one? Her entire life was dedicated to this one pony, all the school, all the dangerous missions, even becoming a princess was all for Celestia’s sake. How much of that time was wasted when it could have been spent elsewhere? Even Pinkie Pie had offered at least three times in the past to be intimate with Twilight, and each time Twilight had refused based on her obsession with Celestia. A one way attraction that was never meant to be. No, marrying Celestia was torture for the giant mare, Celestia obviously had eyes for Pinkie too and that just…
Cadance growled. “Celestia, fix this, now!”
Celestia croaked. “I don’t know how.”
Cadance growled. “Yes you do, and I don’t care if I have to watch the whole thing. Just do it.”
Twilight felt a warm aura wrapping around her. Oh great, now she was going to be thrown away. Put into the garbage where she belonged. She might as well be in here, in fact she might throw herself in there. Her parents had thrown her away first chance they got into Celestia’s school, but now even Celestia was going to toss her away.
Something soft rubbed at her eyes and nose. She opened her eyes just a little to see Celestia’s wing trying to clean her face. Oh great, smear Twilight’s make around and make me look more ugly, that’s all she needed.
Celestia’s face leaned in. Now she’s going to whisper that she actually hated her into Twilight’s ear and that if she didn’t stop crying she’d destroy Twilight for bothering her. Twilight was positive that was exactly what was about to happen.
Celestia’s lips pressed against Twilight’s.
Twilight’s body froze as the lips met her own. Was this a mistake? An accident? No, it was still going on, Celestia wouldn’t stay like this if it was a mistake. Her eyes were cracked open, looking down into Twilight’s eyes. Unsure of what to do, Twilight tried to kiss back and found the Princess was letting it happen. Even though she had no idea what she was doing she kept trying to kiss. The hint of a smoky flavor on those lips was more than Twilight could dream of. As Celestia kissed her back she picked up more on what she was doing wrong and how to kiss better.
A hot feather drew a line down Twilight’s side, trailing all the way to Twilight’s cutie mark. It shot downward and wrapped around her rump, squeezing the soft vulnerable flesh and Twilight opened her mouth to gasp only to have massive, almost burning tongue shoot into her mouth. It was massive and Twilight almost felt herself choking at first, all she could taste was the smoky flavor of Celestia’s tongue. Twilight moved her tongue around it. The tongue moved in further and…
Twilight couldn’t breathe. The tongue was too big, it was like the one time she shoved a whole hamburger into her mouth. The wing that was caressing her butt moved with more ferocity. Twilight began choking on the tongue shoved in her mouth but it tasted so good she couldn’t do anything to stop it. Until it pressed against her uvula and Twilight gagged. Like a magical button on the back of her throat, Twilight knew that very instant, things were about to go sour.
Uh oh.
Celestia’s head shot backwards and Twilight fell to the floor coughing and sputtering. She drew in wheezy shallow breaths and Celestia covered her mouth with a wing, her face looking a little green. The magical flavor in her mouth was replaced by that of morning breakfast… oh no.
Twilight opened her mouth and proceeded to vomit all over Cadance’s floor. All the meanwhile Celestia was begging for forgiveness and claiming she merely lost control because of how attracted she was to Twilight. Even blaming Cadance for making her lose control like that. Of course Twilight didn’t care. Burning throat, taste of bile, nothing mattered so much to her as the fact that Celestia had really, really liked kissing her.