//------------------------------// // Sins of the Past // Story: The Odd One // by theOwtcast //------------------------------// A few days had passed since Sentinel and I returned from Appleloosa. Shining Armor had frowned upon seeing me safely back, but hadn’t otherwise voiced his disappointment over the fact that I wasn’t in prison or at least on my way there. Cadance and Sunburst, on the other hoof, had welcomed me back eagerly! Though I hadn’t expected to be specifically told about any further developments on the situation in Appleloosa, it didn’t seem like Sheriff Silverstar had made any inquiries that had been suggested to him, and if he had, there were no signs that he’d mentioned any details about Sentinel’s questionable behavior. Not yet, anyway. This could change at any point in the future, but for now at least, she’d been present for one more normal shift at guarding me, which she’d assured me wouldn’t be the case had Shining been made aware of her crossbow-wielding: she would have undoubtedly been relieved of duty effective immediately if not imprisoned if word had reached her Captain! It could be worse, I’d told her. If Shining were anything like Chrysalis, she’d be looking at torture at best and… well, a far more unattractive outcome at worst. I’d kept to myself that the terms ‘at best’ and ‘at worst’ in this context were very moot and very dependent on personal interpretation at the time of the said punishment being exacted, but something told me she’d figured it out regardless. Other than that, things had returned to normal. I was still spending my mornings with Sunburst, and in the afternoons, I mostly dedicated myself to reading, though I did go out into the streets a few times. The ponies weren’t acting as hostile as before, but very few dared to approach me so far, and even that was merely in passing. Only one of these walks had been on an errand: to send a thank-you-for-helping-me letter to Applejack and to buy a clock for my room by Sunburst’s suggestion; the rest were simply to keep trying to meet new ponies, and since it wasn’t really working, I ended up wandering further out into the outskirts of the city every time to visit my flower for a few moments of comfort. If any of my Royal Guard escorts had found it weird, they weren’t showing it, not even Trusty Shield, though it could be explained by him having seen it once already. One day, Cadance met me in a hallway as I was returning from an aimless stroll. “How was the walk today?” she asked. “Any new friends yet?” “No, I’m afraid not. But at least the weather is fine and I’m not getting beaten up, and that has to count for something, right?” “Only marginally. But there’s something else I wanted to ask you.” She offered me a photo. “Do you recognize this pony?” One look was all I needed. How would I not recognize her? That was the face I was bound to remember for the rest of my life! “It’s the pony I drained,” I whispered, dumbfounded. “Where did you find her? And when? Is she alright? Please tell me she’s alive and well! At least-” “Hey, relax, Thorax, she’s alive alright!” “You have no idea how immensely relieved I am to hear that, Princess! I thought for sure I’d killed her! I’d never forgive myself if that had actually turned out to be the case!” Tears streamed down my face. “Oh, thank you so much, Princess! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” “You’re welcome.” She leaned in to me and whispered, “But stop it, will you? It’s getting embarrassing!” I wiped my tears and tried to compose myself. I was far from successful, but it would have to do for now. “That’s better,” she said. “As for your other questions, her name is Soothing Dusk and she lives in Whinnyapolis. It wasn’t hard to track her down, but it took some time anyway since we didn’t know which town exactly we were looking for, and then we needed to filter out the unlikely candidates. That left her as a near-certainty, but I still needed to make sure by asking you.” “Can I send her a letter? I really, really want to apologize to her for what I’ve done! At least I hope she’d care to read it?” “I have a better idea. Why don’t you apologize in person?” “You’d let me do that?! I mean, yes, of course, but wouldn’t she be afraid and refuse to come anywhere near me?” “She probably would. She hasn’t fully recovered yet, though I’ve been told she’s expected to, but I might be able to convince her to hear you out.” “You’d do that? You’d travel to Whinnyapolis with me? Don’t get me wrong, Princess, I’d be very grateful for your help, but don’t you have royal duties to attend to? And what would Shining say to my idea of travelling again so soon?” “One day won’t make much difference to royal duties, Thorax. I get called away for a day or two every so often! And I’ve already discussed it with Shining and convinced him that you’d want to apologize to Soothing, and he agreed to my suggestion to come along. He actually thought you wouldn’t want to go and promised to drag you there himself if he turned out to be right.” “I’m glad he wasn’t right, then,” I muttered. Something told me he would have dragged me there in a stuffy bag lined with pins and discipline spells. “No offense to Shining.” “None taken,” she winked. “Shall we travel tomorrow?” “Sure! Tomorrow is perfect!” I agreed readily. “Um, when does the train leave, and how much is the ticket?” “I’ll pay for the tickets. Be ready around the same time as you were for the train to Appleloosa!” The morning routine was similar to the one I’d followed before my trip to Appleloosa. I woke up early after a restless night and packed some money, though unsure whether or not I might need it, but figured it would be better to have some just in case. Cadance met me in due time and we headed for the train station, but much to my dismay, Shining Armor showed up as we were exiting the castle to wish safe travels to his wife and to insist that Trusty Shield tag along. Cadance voiced her objections, but eventually relented to the request when she realized that Shining wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Or was she simply concerned that we’d miss the train? And why did it have to be Trusty Shield? Why not Paladin or some other guard? Okay, Shining must have wanted to keep me strung up by assigning the least-friendly guard for this, I could tell that much, but it still frustrated me to no end. This was going to be a tricky encounter even without the added stress of having to avoid giving Trusty an excuse to test the sharpness of his spear on me! My cracked carapace had only just healed enough to not require bandages anymore; I didn’t need new injuries! The fact that Trusty had begun to refrain from obsessively asserting his dominance on me most of the time since Cadance had taken me for that walk around the city didn’t mean that much in the long run; his aura of love was still pretty sour despite the lack of visual cues about his emotional state, and there was no promise that he wouldn’t relapse into his old behavior. At least he bought his own ticket. I would have liked his presence even less if he’d expected Cadance to buy it! I offered to give her the amount of money she’d spent on my ticket - I had just about enough - but she flat out refused it, saying it would nearly drain my savings. I wanted to protest politely, but she shushed me before I could say much. I still felt bad about it. Why would she have to spend so much money on me? It wasn’t required for my survival; I was getting enough love from Sunburst and her to remain sated, I had a room to take shelter in, nopony was torturing me on a daily basis, even if Shining was an annoyance… what more could I need? Money certainly couldn’t buy love, so why hoard it at the expense of those who actually needed it? The train arrived shortly and we boarded it and found our seats. I was already disguised as Crystal Hoof, which by now wasn’t fooling anypony here into thinking I wasn’t a changeling, but that would change further south, so better keep the disguise ready lest I forget to put it on later. The ride passed mostly in uncomfortable silence. Trusty kept a close eye on me, I was constantly very aware of him keeping a close eye on me, and Cadance mostly just looked at us, attempting to start a conversation every now and then, only to have her attempts fail quickly due to Trusty being too busy and me being too distraught to talk. At least the ride was significantly shorter than the one to Appleloosa. I didn’t know what I would have done if I’d had to endure Trusty for that trip instead of getting to hang out with Sentinel! Eventually the train arrived at the Whinnyapolis station and we disembarked. “At ease, soldier,” Cadance said to Trusty right away. “You’re dismissed. Meet us here for the four o’clock train.” “Princess, what about my duty to escort-” “It will not be necessary,” she insisted. “Go have some fun instead!” “But I’m supposed to be on duty-” “Except that I just relieved you of duty until four o’clock.” “What am I supposed to do until then?” he muttered. “Are you telling me soldiers don’t know how to spend their time off?” she smirked. “I’m sure you have a friend or an acquaintance in the local Royal Guard outpost who can keep you company, or if you don’t or they’re on duty, there have to be some off-duty guards you could join even if you don’t know them! Go on, have some drinks, play a few games, or simply go on a sightseeing stroll by yourself if you don’t have any other ideas!” “If you insist, Princess…” He bowed and walked away slowly, as if unsure if this was a good idea. And he probably wasn’t sure; Shining would undoubtedly be furious if he knew! “There,” said Cadance. “Now that that’s settled, let’s find Soothing Dusk. I’ve been told she lives a few streets from here.” She trotted in the direction opposite to the one Trusty had gone in, and I followed. “Princess,” I said hesitantly, “why did you send Trusty away?” “Would you have preferred if I didn’t?” “Well… no, not really…” “Exactly. You must feel like his presence would only make things worse here, and I’m afraid I have to agree with you. With the way he likes to treat you, Soothing Dusk will probably get the idea that you’re dangerous regardless of what you tell her, which might have been unavoidable regardless of who your escort was today, even if it were somepony friendly like Paladin or Sentinel.” “Would you have sent them away too?” She considered it for a moment. “Maybe, but not as readily as Trusty, especially if they’d decided to leave their armor and weapons at home.” “I see. If they looked and acted like civilians, you might have included them in helping the situation.” “Yes.” She sighed. “I know it’s hard to believe from your perspective, but Trusty Shield has the necessary skills too; I only wish he could get past his attitude towards you, and not just for the purpose of this visit!” I nodded. Cadance stopped in front of a house. “Okay, this is supposed to be it,” she mused. “Ready?” I’d thought I would be, but suddenly I wasn’t so sure. What if this was a bad idea? What if Soothing refused to forgive me? What if she started hating me even more, and I had no doubt that she did hate me? What if I made a wrong move? What if she misunderstood my intentions? What if she misinterpreted the whole situation and assumed that Cadance was a changeling in disguise, attempting to make her careless and an easy target for either of us to finish what I’d started? What if she attacked the Princess? And worse yet, what if my presence alone instilled so much fear in her that, even without me doing anything harmful, this encounter would do more damage than I’d done by feeding on her? What if it prevented her from ever recovering? Living with the guilt of what I’d done to her was bad enough; I’d never forgive myself if I ended up doing even more damage regardless of my best intentions! But no matter how hard it was for me, she had to be having it twice as horrible, if not worse; I had to do something to help her! I’d never forgive myself if I missed a chance to do that, too! The whole situation was my fault; it was my duty to try to fix whatever could be fixed! But what if I failed? Would I get another chance to try? Or would punishment be the last remaining option? And I would absolutely and undeniably deserve it, of that I had no doubts! But that wouldn’t help Soothing! Depending on the severity of the punishment - and I would have deserved the worst of the worst - it might only prevent me from trying again at some point in the future, possibly with more success… ...or possibly, after it was too late to help her. Oh, why had I done it? Why couldn’t I have controlled myself? Why hadn’t I anticipated such a situation and invented a strategy to deal with such a crisis, to channel that deranged energy into something less destructive? I hadn’t realized I was crying and hyperventilating until Cadance grabbed me by the shoulders and led me aside gently into the nearby park, into the privacy of a bench that stood surrounded by tall, dense shrubbery. “You’re having second thoughts about this, aren’t you?” she asked. “No, I just realized how many ways there are for this to go wrong… there are so many that I can’t imagine it going right anymore! How did I fail to see it until now, Princess? I want her to understand and forgive me, but how can she? I’ll most likely only make things worse for both of us! I should have asked Shining to punish me on the first day and get it over with!” “Thorax, listen to yourself! Where did all those good intentions go? I know you want to do this, and I know you can find a way to make it happen, but not unless you stop letting your fears control you!” “Princess, I don’t mean to be rude, but I really think you’re overestimating my abilities this time!” “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Didn’t you befriend a sheriff a few days ago? The same sheriff who had meant to send you to prison?” “I’m not sure if ‘befriending’ is the right word, but he did drop the charges… but what does that have to do with this?” “You showed him your true face and opened your heart to him, and that was enough for him to realize that you don’t belong in prison. Didn’t you and Sentinel both tell us about how he thought he’d never set a changeling free while doing that very thing? If that doesn’t prove to you that ponies can forgive changelings, I don’t know what will!” “But that was primarily about the alleged apple theft for which I was innocent, and I had friends to back me up! This time I’m as guilty as I can be!” “I would call you guilty if you’d walked up to her and drained her willingly and deliberately. But you were starved and acting on self-preservation instinct; that’s different! You had no choice!” “I did have a choice! The other option was to keep starving until I either found a different food source, or died!” “Then it wasn’t a real choice. You wanted to survive, didn’t you?” “I… suppose I did…” “And if you had kept your restraints around Soothing, she would have remained safe, but how can you be so sure that you wouldn’t have lost control around somepony else and ended up with the same feelings of guilt and remorse that are tormenting you now?” I bit my lip and looked away. I had no answer to that. “See what I mean by ‘no choice’? You were in such a state that this was inevitable! And another proof of your unwillingness to act with malice is that you stopped yourself as soon as your survival instincts stopped overruling your conscience!” “I’m going to take it as a sign of your trust in me, and I appreciate it greatly, but how does that help now?” “It helps because, with the right approach, we might be able to get Soothing Dusk to see it.” “You think she’ll forgive me if she sees it like that?” “I can’t promise it, but I hope so. I haven’t met her so I can’t guess the right approach in advance, but I’ll be there with you to provide any help needed, to either or both of you.” Hopefully that would work. “But Princess, what if she refuses to talk to us at all?” “Then we should respect her wishes and leave. But most ponies find it rude and disrespectful to tell a princess to go away, so there’s a good chance we’ll at least get to try.” “Unless she’s so afraid of changelings after what I did to her that she won’t care for manners…” Cadance sighed. “Thorax, I’d be lying if I told you that wasn’t a possibility, but just because things can go bad, doesn’t mean they will! Why are you being so hopeless? It won’t help her forgive you if you’re acting like you can’t be forgiven!” “That’s just it, Princess! Even if she does forgive me, I don’t really deserve it!” “And yet, you jumped at the chance to apologize to her. Why?” “Because she deserves at least an explanation. I can’t heal her, but the least I can do is tell her that I’d never wanted to do it and how deeply sorry I am that I lost control.” “Exactly. You regret what you did, you wish you hadn’t done it, and you’re trying to do everything in your power to repair the damage as much as you can. So why shouldn’t you be forgiven?” Well, putting it that way… but no, that still didn’t make it right! I was lucky the damage to Soothing wasn’t irreversible! “...because I could have killed her?” “How much more would you have had to drain her in order to kill her?” Indeed, how much? I’d never even known for sure how much I’d taken! But if it was true that Soothing was expected to fully recover, then it couldn’t have been that much… “A lot more, I guess,” I said. “Could you have drained that much without realizing what you’re doing until it was too late?” Good point. Could I have? I’d been even hungrier since, and though controlling myself had been excruciatingly difficult at times, I’d succeeded, therefore I wouldn’t have drained somepony to death then. But would my self-control have been strong enough if I hadn’t faltered earlier? Setting remorse aside, I forced myself to really think about it, and it seemed unlikely that I’d remain ignorant of my own actions all the way through the draining process; no matter how hungry, there’d have had to be a point at which I would realize what I was doing! “I suppose I might not have killed her, but if I’d been hungry enough, I might have left her permanently damaged,” I admitted. “But she would still be alive, and just because we can’t fix that level of damage now doesn’t mean we never will!” My ears perked up at this. “Really?” “Of course, Thorax! Magic and medical science are improving every day!” She put a reassuring hoof on my shoulder. “And no one is infallible. We all make mistakes, but what we do about those mistakes is what really counts.” “You mean…” She nodded. “Yes, Thorax. You have a good heart, and though you’ve made a mistake, the way you’re feeling about it and what you’re doing to try to fix it makes it clear that you deserve to be forgiven! Soothing Dusk will see it too; maybe not right away if she hasn’t recovered enough, but she will eventually!” “And if she demands that I get punished?” Please say you’ll at least consider doing that on her request! “Then I’ll explain to her that you’ve already punished yourself more severely than Equestrian laws would permit us to punish you and that doing so would be unnecessary. She probably won’t like it, but in time, she’ll understand that too.” “Won’t she start hating you instead?” “She probably would hate me for a while, yes. But punishing you won’t make it any easier for her. It won’t undo the past, it won’t help her heal more quickly, and it won’t make her forget what happened. All it would do is reinforce her hatred towards you and keep her from understanding your side of the story and ultimately forgiving you. It still doesn’t make it right, but punishing you anyway wouldn’t be right for either of you.” “Wow. I never saw it that way! And ponies really live by that logic? Doesn’t it ever backfire?” “Sometimes it does, but look closely enough at one’s reasons and state of mind and you’ll know whether they need punishment or a second chance! Now, are you ready to meet Soothing properly?” “Not really, but I think I can bear the consequences more easily now than a few minutes ago.” “Glad to have helped!” We returned to the house and Cadance knocked on the door. A young mare answered, but she wasn’t Soothing Dusk. “What do- Princess Cadance! I wasn’t expecting you, Your Highness!” She bowed gracefully. “To what do I owe the honor?” “We’re looking for Soothing Dusk. I’ve been told she lives here?” “Yes, yes, of course! Do come in! I’m Midnight Haze, Soothing’s sister.” “Pleased to meet you, Midnight!” “The pleasure’s mine, Princess! Please, make yourselves comfortable! Would you like some tea? Cookies? I’m afraid I don’t have anything too elaborate,” she smiled sheepishly. “Tea and cookies will be fine, thank you.” The food was served only moments after Cadance and I sat down in the main room. “I’m afraid Soothing is resting in her room at the moment,” Midnight said, sitting down herself. “She’s been attacked recently and… hasn’t been quite herself since.” My heart sank upon hearing that. Cadance had made it sound far less serious! Didn’t she know the whole story? Or had she simply hoped to spare me the additional grief? My barely-mended insecurities threatened to go on another rampage! “That’s why we’re here,” Cadance said. “How much do you know about the attack?” “They say it was a changeling, and apparently Soothing is lucky that it wasn’t any worse! She doesn’t like to talk about it, but according to what she did say, she doesn’t remember much, only a dark shadow looming over her and robbing her of everything happy and hopeful she had in herself.” She closed her eyes and her aura of love darkened. “Lucky, they called it. What luck is there, Princess? If I ever get my hooves on that monster, I’ll-” “I understand your grief, Midnight,” Cadance interrupted her, “but hatred and violence won’t solve anything!” “I bet that’s the only language that freak understands!” “It isn’t!” I spoke before I could stop myself. Midnight looked at me sideways. “And what do you know about that? Who are you, anyway?” “Midnight,” Cadance spoke, “if the changeling who did it is sorry for what he’s done, would you at least consider hearing him out?” “Sorry?” she snorted. “Those bastards aren’t sorry for anything! You know that from your own experience!” “They did disrupt my wedding, yes, but my experience has changed since. I met a friendly changeling - a genuinely friendly one, no pretences about him - and he’s starting to make an honest and honorable life for himself in the Crystal Empire.” “Supposing that were true, what does it have to do with my sister?” I dropped my disguise. Midnight gasped and flew as far away from me as the walls and the ceiling would let her. “I’m the changeling the Princess is talking about,” I said. “My name is Thorax, by the way. I escaped from the hive because I couldn’t stand my kind’s way of life anymore and came to Equestria hoping to find friendship. Also... I’m afraid I’m the one who attacked Soothing-” Midnight’s eyes went wide and she launched herself at me, bellowing curses. “I’ll kill you!” she roared as she knocked me onto the ground; Cadance levitated her away and put up a shield around me. “Let me go!” Midnight screamed. “I will, but first you need to promise me you won’t harm Thorax!” Cadance demanded. “Hear him out!” I heard a door open and somepony came in, but the couch was obstructing my view for the moment so I couldn’t see who it was, and I was hidden from the newcomer’s view for the moment as well. “I heard you shout, Midnight,” a mare’s voice said. One glance at her aura of love, hollow and bleak, was enough to figure out who she was even before she stepped into view. “What’s- Aaah! Changeling! No!” She curled up in a corner, shivering violently. “Now look what you’ve done,” Midnight muttered at me through gritted teeth. “Soothing Dusk?” Extinguishing her horn, Cadance walked up to her, sat down on the floor, and touched her hoof. “I’m Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire. Can you hear me?” Soothing stopped shivering for a moment and cast a panicked glance at the Princess. “Yes?” she whispered. “I know what happened to you, and I want to help.” “How?” The tone of her voice suggested that she didn’t believe it was possible. “Princess?” I whispered cautiously. “I don’t think this is going right…” “Get that thing away from me!” Soothing shrieked, covering her head with her forelegs and wings. “Soothing, he won’t harm you! I promise!” “No offense, Princess, but he’s a changeling! How am I supposed to trust a changeling?” “I understand it’s hard for you, but he’s got a good heart, and I trust him. Do you trust my judgment?” “Don’t, Soothing,” Midnight muttered. “Um… I think so…” Soothing said. “But… the changeling…” “You’ll be fine, you have my word! Hear him out. Just that: give him a chance to tell you what he came here to say. That’s all I ask of you. If you never want to see him again after that, we understand and we’ll respect your wishes.” “Hear him out? But what would a changeling have to say to me?” “Something you need to hear,” she said reassuringly. Midnight snorted. “I don’t know… You really think it can help?” Cadance nodded. “I do.” Soothing pondered this for a moment. “O-o-o-okay. Okay, I’ll hear him out,” she said in the end, not sounding convinced at all. “But… can you at least put up a magical barrier between him and me first?” “Of course.” A force field split up the room; by chance or intention, more likely the latter, Soothing was left on the same side as the door. “Better?” “A little.” She still didn’t sound convinced, but at least she was agreeing to go through with it. Cadance nodded to me and I approached the force field. Soothing winced and retreated a little but, thankfully, didn’t get overwhelmed by panic. Okay, Thorax, nice and easy… don’t blow your chance… don’t mess it up… calm down and tell her everything… Don’t mess it up! “Uh, hi. My name is Thorax. Um, would it be easier for you if I looked like a pony?” “I’m… I’m not sure… M-maybe?” I became Crystal Hoof again. She recoiled and yelped. “A-a-actually, it’s not helping,” she whimpered. “I know you’re a ch-ch-ch-changeling even if you d-d-don’t look like one, and I’m actually k-k-kind of expecting you to p-p-p-pounce me and start h-hi-hissing any second now. So, g-g-g-go back, I guess?” I did. She squeezed her eyes shut during my transformation, but so far, still no uncontrollable panic. That had to be good, right? I decided to believe that it was good. I didn’t think I could continue otherwise! Her aura of love was still incredibly murky with fear, but apparently she was keeping it under control somehow. For now, at least. I dreaded the moment when that control would crumble under my words and prayed that Cadance would succeed in calming and reassuring her again, but what if nothing would work this time? Either way, it was too late to back out now, and I wouldn’t forgive myself if I wouldn’t have at least tried! “Okay,” I said, “I know this is hard for you, and I wish there was an easy way to say it… actually, I wish we were in a situation where I wouldn’t have to say it at all, but unfortunately I do, so…” I bit my lip, unsure how to break the news to her as gently as possible. Why hadn’t I asked Princess Cadance for advice? “What?” Soothing asked feebly. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think you were trying to apologize for something.” “Actually, I am trying to apologize. You see… okay, you’re going to hate me now… but I’m the one who attacked you, and-” “You?!” The murky chill of her aura intensified beyond words and she retreated so far away from me that she almost became one with the wall. “Get away from me! Why did you bring him here, Princess?” “Because he regrets what he did,” Cadance said. “Regrets it? Then why did he do it in the first place?” “Because I lost control over myself! I was starving and I lost control! I’ve wanted friendship all my life, but as you know, changelings don’t make friends! As far as I know, I’m the only one who’s different, and I suffered because of it, and I left the hive when I couldn’t take it anymore. I swore to never take any love that wasn’t freely offered to me, but it never happened during my journey through Equestria, and I was getting hungrier and hungrier every day, but somehow still managed to remain in control over my actions… but all that collapsed when I got close to you.” She stared at me wide-eyed still, saying nothing, showing no change in her aura of love. “It wasn’t anything personal. I suppose I had to snap at some point at that rate… you just had the misfortune of being around when it happened. For what it’s worth, I stopped feeding on you the second I realized what I was doing… and I wanted to help you, I really did, but to this day, I don’t know how I might have done it… also, I panicked and fled.” I hung my head in shame. “I have no excuse for what I did. I told you all this because I want you to understand how it happened, but I know it still doesn’t make it right. I’ve known it all along, I’ve tried to punish myself for it several times, I’ve had nightmares about that moment… Anyway, the point is, I’m sorry, I’m deeply, sincerely sorry for what I did, and believe me, if I could change the past and stop myself from draining you, I would, even if it would cost me my life. Princess Cadance brought me here because she hopes you’ll forgive me, but if you don’t think that I deserve forgiveness, I completely understand and actually agree with you.” “Thorax…” Cadance sighed. “Can I ask a question?” Midnight interjected. “What did they threaten you with so you’d do this, who told you what to say, and how long did you rehearse it to make it sound this convincing?” “Nopony made me do this and I didn’t rehearse anything! I really am sorry!” “Yeah right, sure you are,” she snorted. “Assuming he is telling the truth,” Soothing finally spoke, “how did you find out about this, Princess? And what made you trust him? You’re the last pony I’d expect to trust a changeling!” “I didn’t trust him at first. When he showed up in the Crystal Empire, my husband and I assumed he was there to steal love from Flurry Heart. Eventually I realized that wasn’t the case - Shining still has some doubts - but it took some convincing from Spike the Brave and Glorious to actually get there, and I haven’t seen a single sign of malice or trickery from Thorax since.” “So there were signs of malice and trickery before that?” Midnight asked. “We thought so at the time, but the hissing was actually due to his instincts attempting to take over because he was starving.” “Isn’t the Crystal Empire said to be filled with love?” “It is,” I said, “but it wasn’t freely shared with me at the time, and I refused to take it even though nopony was likely to notice.” “Also, you asked how I found out about you,” Cadance continued. “Thorax told Shining everything that’s happened to him since he left the hive, including the incident with you. He couldn’t tell where it had happened due to the state he’d been in at that point of his journey, but we tracked you down based on the rest of his story and with the help of police reports, and Thorax asked right away if he could apologize to you somehow.” “You did that?” Soothing asked incredulously. “Even though it could have ended badly for you?” “I didn’t care if it ended badly for me. I’ve been beating myself up for what I did to you ever since I did it, and if you demanded that I should be punished, I wasn’t going to argue. The only thing that I was concerned about was that seeing me would harm you in any way. You’ve suffered way too much because of me and I’d hate to make it even worse!” She considered this for a minute. The intense murkiness of her love aura had cleared slightly in the meantime, but far from completely, and the dry, cold, howling darkness underneath persisted. I could marginally sense some flickers of light in it attempting to spark to life, which I hoped was suggestive of her recovering gradually as I’d been told, but much to my dismay, she still had a very long and tedious way to go until her old self returned. Would it ever return completely? I didn’t know; changelings had very little experience with ponies recovering from love-draining. But with any luck, she would get to a point where she could leave this love-deprived abyss behind her and enjoy life again! “Okay, I think I get why you had to do it,” she said in the end, “but I’m not so sure that I can forgive you. Maybe, some day, I will, but not yet. The memories are still too fresh for me. Princess Cadance apparently doesn’t think you need to be punished and I’m trying to trust her judgment on that, but… I’m just trying to convince myself that it’s alright and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep doing it, so… maybe it’s best that you go home before I snap or before Midnight loses her patience, and we’re both on edge… Forgive me if I’m being rude, Princess, in any other circumstance I wouldn’t be asking you to leave…” “Don’t worry, it’s alright,” Cadance assured her. “We understand. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to seek me out. Write me a letter or come see me in person and I’ll do what I can to help you.” I nodded, wanting to say that she could expect the same support from me, but knowing at the same time that she wasn’t going to come to me anytime soon. Midnight, on the other hoof, if she decided to teach me a belated lesson… but would she leave her sister at home alone in order to do that? And would she risk getting sent to prison for it and becoming unavailable to Soothing at her most vulnerable? Could she get punished for it? It would probably depend on whose decision it would be. I had a feeling that Cadance would try to protect me and to find a compromise, at least I hoped so; Shining would probably commend her for whatever she would have ended up doing to me. Other ponies? I didn’t know. Curiously, I caught myself wondering for a moment what Chrysalis would do in an equivalent situation if her subjects were involved in what would amount to Soothing and Midnight’s role. I honestly didn’t know and had to admit that nothing would surprise me, be it praise for the avenging drone, death penalty for everyling and everypony involved, or anything in between. Cadance dropped the force field and we said goodbye to Soothing and Midnight and left as requested. They didn’t go after us; Soothing was frozen in place momentarily as I trotted past her, and before I closed the door behind me, I saw her sobbing and shivering in her sister’s embrace. Outside, I quickly restored my disguise that I’d forgotten to put on while still out of sight of the public. Fortunately, nopony but Cadance was around to witness the transformation. The Princess and I trotted in silence for a while. I didn’t mind at first; I needed a moment to sort things out with myself. Not being forgiven stung, and I wondered again if there had been something more that I could have said or done. The fact that I’d probably made an enemy of Midnight Haze, at least from her point of view, wasn’t helping any. I hadn’t come to Equestria with the intention to make enemies! Had I been careful, this would never have happened! I didn’t like the way things had turned out, and yet, I’d known that a better, friendlier outcome would have been very unlikely. Still, there had to have been some way to handle it better! Cadance had trusted me to do this right! Had I let her down? “Princess,” I finally spoke, “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “For blowing this. For wasting your time. For-” I closed my eyes, hung my head, and sighed. “I don’t think this visit did what you intended it to do. I wanted to help Soothing, but all I did was reignite her fears and attract her sister’s wrath! That’s the exact opposite of what should have happened!” “What do you think would have been more likely to happen?” I considered this. “The thing that did happen, I guess.” “Exactly. I would have been surprised if Soothing had forgiven you right away.” “Then why did we even bother? Didn’t I only make things worse?” “We came here because you both needed it.” “...I don’t understand.” “You needed to see her alive and recovering so you’d stop blaming yourself, and you needed to ask her forgiveness so you could forgive yourself. And she may not realize it yet, but she needed to hear your apology and your explanation in order to fully heal and learn to trust others again. It won’t happen overnight, but your complete honesty with her was the thing both of you were missing before you can start to overcome your pain, to learn from the experience rather than to be crippled by it, and to move on unburdened.” “Do you really think it can happen? What if she doesn’t forgive me?” “I’m sure she will. She’ll need time - how much, I can’t predict - but the understanding of your struggle, together with seeing you act friendly when you aren’t tormented by hunger, will help her get there. It most likely isn’t going to happen without a lot of doubts and insecurity on her part, which is why I encouraged her to seek my help whenever she needs it, but she will forgive you eventually. When that happens, don’t be surprised if she comes looking for you.” “And if she doesn’t? How will I know if her recovery is going well? What if she doesn’t recover?” “She will. I asked around, and if what I’ve been told is only half correct, she’s already gotten noticeably better than she was immediately after…” “...after my attack on her.” “Yes. And she’s got a sister and a group of friends who love her. She’ll be fine!” But what if the Princess was wrong? What if seeing me again had undermined all the progress that Soothing had made and prevented any further recovery? As if reading my thoughts, Cadance put a hoof on my shoulder and said, “If it makes you feel better, I can check up on her every so often.” “Thanks, Princess. It really does make me feel better!” We were back at the train station by then. The train wasn’t due to arrive for another while, and wherever Trusty Shield had gone to, he hadn’t returned yet. We sat on a bench to wait for the train and Cadance proceeded to tell me more about what she’d found out about Soothing and Midnight and their friends. I learned they were all devoted to one another and that Soothing’s predicament had only strengthened their bond. Hearing that gave me a bit of comfort: even though I’d harmed her, Soothing still had friends to rely on in time of need, and I firmly believed that would make all the difference in the world for her. Yes, Cadance might have been right after all. With her sister and friends by her side, Soothing was going to be fine.