//------------------------------// // Am I more than you've bargained for yet? // Story: Just Around the Corner // by KorenCZ11 //------------------------------// Applejack “Bright, Sugarcube, Ah told ya not ta bring that Pear mare over anymore. Ah thought we had this conversation once already,” Granny called from her chair. Her living room was framed somewhere on the wall in the hallway, but the one we were in was in the real world, the present. Ah took a sharp breath and shook my head. “Granny, that’s Mac, not Pa.” She took a minute ta look at me as confusion washed over her face. These days, it was always a coin flip. It came up heads today since she understood. “Oh! My stars, Ah’m sorry Mac. Git’en old and rattly up there! The, uh… the memory ain’t what it used ta be.” Mac sighed and trotted ‘round to put a hoof on Granny’s shoulder. “It’s alright, Granny, Ah know. Sugarbelle, ya almost done in there?” The unicorn in question trotted through the door with Ma’s old apron on and a tray of steamin’ pies in her magic. “Sure am! Come on, let’s eat.” The days have grown long and hot. As Twilight brings more and more of that other world’s technology into Equestria, it seems like our world changes more and more, too. And the more the world changes, the more Granny forgets. Radio towers and telephone poles, automobiles and engines—yes, the world sure is changing, but even as things get more advanced, it’s my world, the world at home, that I can’t figure out. Ever since Mac ran into that Sugarbelle mare, he can’t keep his hooves off her. The reverse is true too, and more than anything, it makes my life harder. Granny has to be kept under constant supervision which leaves Applebloom with little more to do than keep up with her. Mac seems to be home only every other day now, and where does that leave me? With the entire orchard ta work by myself. It’s a miracle if I get done before the sun sets, and I always watch it rise in the morning. What makes him think he can just up and abandon me for some mare he hardly knows? Aren’t we his family? Aren’t we important, too? Maybe. I can never tell. He just looks so damn happy when he’s with her, it makes me sick. He never used to smile like that, not after the fire. He never used to talk so much, never used ta sing or pick up the guitar like he does for her. I know damn well that things are changing, but I wish they weren’t. Wasn’t it just yesterday that life was fine? Breathing heavy, I kicked the last tree for harvest today and watched as all the bright red apples fell into their baskets. I looked back up to check and see if any had managed to hold on to their branches; sure enough, there was one. A single red apple with green streaks on its skin. It’s one of the more tart varieties that we have on the farm, and with as many kinds of apples as we grow here, it’s not unusual for cross pollination to happen when we plant new ones, but it shouldn’t be on this tree. This tree was older than I am. It shouldn’t have anything but red delicious on it. So why is it here? Ah stood on my front hooves, reared my hind legs back, and slammed ‘em into the apple tree again. Nothing but leaves. Again. More leaves. Again. The apple stayed on its branch. “Little bastard. Fine! Ah’ll come up there and get ya, see how long ya fight me when my hooves are on ya!” There weren’t many low branches to climb onto, and this stubborn apple was far away from the trunk on a branch high in the center growing north, opposite the barn. I managed to get my way up the tree just enough to reach the apple, but now there were no more thick branches to stand on. Damn it. If Ah were just a little taller… I could touch it with the tip of my hoof. Just a little closer. Just a little closer and— “Shit!” Hoof slipped; down to the earth I crashed. A shadow passed over me—something heavy hit the tree. An apple came flying down and stopped just short of hitting me right in the snout, caught in time by a big red legged yellow hoof. “Ya okay?” I guess he got home. I let out a breath, rolled over to stand. Tired as I was, it was like trying to stack pies on top of jello, but I wasn’t about to make a show of it to him of all ponies. “Ah’m fine, thank ya.” Mac put the apple in the basket with the others and loaded one up on his back. “Well, good. What are ya still doin’ out here anyways? It’s almost dark.” A vein bubbled up on my forehead. “Yes, Mac, it is almost dark. Ah hadn’t noticed! Thanks fer pointin’ it out ta me!” He frowned. “Geez, don’t get yer tail in a twist. Did ya not get done?” “No, Mac, Ah’m just out here fer the fun of it! Course Ah didn’t get done.” His eye twitched. “Well, don’t yell at me about it! Why not? Ya said ya could do it.” I let the air seep out of me and picked up the other basket. “Ah know what Ah said.” Rather than follow that up, I made my way to the storage barn, and Mac shortly followed. Once we’d set the baskets down with the rest of today’s harvest, again he frowned. “So… is that it?” Ah turned my head. “Well… yeah.” I had the exact number in my head of what was all here, and it was well below what it needed to be. Moreover, it was impressive that I got this much done alone, but that just doesn’t add up. He let out a breath and shook his head. “Applejack, if ya knew ya couldn’t get everythin’ done on yer own, why didn’t ya tell me?” I ground my teeth together. “Because you…!” but I thought better of it and turned away. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just go inside. Ah’m tired and hungry, and Ah still have ta get back up at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow.” “Whatever.” I couldn’t sleep. It didn’t matter how much I’d tossed and turned. It didn’t matter how much I tried to think about something else. It always came back to them and how easy today would’ve been if he were here with me instead of out having the time of his life with her. It’s not fair, damn it! Tangled emotions passed out my lungs as I stared at the ceiling. There was… an old trick Pa used when we couldn’t get to sleep back when we were kids. Just a… little swallow, and we’d be right off to sleep… I found my way down to the living room in the dark farmhouse. Everypony slept soundly in their rooms like usual, not a sound in the house save for the creaking old wood of the floor under my hooves. When Ma passed just after Applebloom was born, Pa made a special cabinet to hold favors. We’d always pour a glass for Ma and Pappy and leave it on the headstones every year, but we also always had more liquor than we’d ever need. Nopony would notice if a bottle or two went missing. Once I’d secured my prize, I figured it’d be easier if I could see what I was doing, so I went out to the barn. The crickets chirped, the stars lit the sky, and the moon was bright over the orchard. Once inside, I lit an oil lamp and found myself a comfortable seat in the hay. I took one of the cider tasting cups we keep near the casks in here and went to filling it with the amber liquid. Just a little swallow, and I’d be right to sleep. “Applejack, we need ta talk.” I knew what he wanted to say. I didn’t wanna hear it. I hate this feeling in my stomach, this burning pit of jealous anger I shouldn’t feel. I shouldn’t be upset; I should be happy. “Okay, Mac. About what?” “Ah…” Mac stammered to find the words, the words to tell me he was gonna abandon us. “Ah can’t see a future here… not fer me, not fer y’all, and um… not fer her.” It would’ve hurt less if he’d actually hit me in the chest with all his weight behind it. “What do ya mean? Ya can’t see a… are ya crazy Mac? We’ve been here fer generations! We were here last year, this year is lookin’ fine, and next year shouldn’t be any different!” He looks at me with cold, stern eyes. “We had Granny last year.” I bit my lip. “We have Granny this year!” “Applejack, ya know that ain’t true.” I did know it. I’d never admit it. “Ah want a life. Ah want my own life. Ah’m nearly twenty-four and Ah want ta… Ah wanna have my own family. This orchard… it ain’t gonna last the way things are. We don’t make enough money ta take care of an old mare who ain’t there anymore.” “We can hire help! We can… we can get somepony ta work fer us, we don’t have ta…” He puts his hoof on my shoulder trying to bring me back to reason. “Ya know we can’t afford that either. Ah don’t wanna try ta struggle here fer the rest of my life. Ah have a mare in mind, and Ah know where I can get some cheap land. It ain’t the best, but it’s good enough ta grow in, and Ah… Ah think it’s about time Ah set down my own roots.” Something burns at the corner of my eyes. I promised myself I wouldn’t, not after the fire, but right now… it feels like my world is being upended all over again. “And then what!? You’re just gonna leave us ta fend fer ourselves? A couple of teenagers takin’ care of an old mare who’s lost her mind and this old orchard alone!?” “No! Ah’m not heartless, damn it; Ah’m not about ta abandon my family!” He lets out a deep breath. “Ah think it’s about time that we all tried ta move on.” I know exactly what he means. I’ll never accept it. I won’t leave. I won’t get rid of it. I won’t abandon my lineage just for something easier. This is my home. This is our home. He should know better than to suggest such a thing to me. I punched him in the face. “Ah will die before Ah sell the farm! Ah’ll make it work! Ah’ll do it on my own, damn it! You go off and set yer roots down with that bitch ya like so much, and we’ll do it all without ya! Goddess damn it Mac, how could ya…” When I woke up, morning light streamed in through the barn windows. The tasting cup was on the ground, the wood had a stain on it, and the bottle of whiskey I’d taken was empty. The throbbing in my head told me where it all went, while the stabbing pain in my heart told me it was a memory and not a dream. My aching muscles put to work, I sat up and tried to nurse my head. These summer days in southern Equestria were enough to kill a mare at the peak of the day, and already, I was losing time and dehydrated. What happened to a swallow? What happened to making it work? Why can’t I do anything right anymore? The pink violet of the sky I could see through the window told me daylight was burning. That thought had me remember how I lost my father, and just right next to me, the lamp I lit the night before was still burning. I wish the bottle wasn’t empty. I wish the sun had never risen. I wish it wasn’t all so screwed up. “Granny? Are ya with me?” Mac had gathered all of us in the living room on a rare day home. Smiley piece of shit. Ah knew what he wanted. Knew what he was doing here. At least he wasn’t about to go off and do it without us, I suppose. If she was here right now, it was hard to tell. The old mare smiled and waved at him, “Yes, yes, Sugarcube, Ah’m here. Now spit it out! What’d ya bring an ol’ bag of bones like me in here for, hmm?” I clicked my tongue. ‘Sugarcube.’ An endearing term. An easy word to remember. An excuse to not use specific names. Mac nodded and stepped back to face all of us: Granny in her chair, Applebloom and I on the couch. “Well, um…” He coughed into his hoof, looking each of us in the eyes with uncertainty. “Here in a little while, maybe tomorrow or next week sometime, Ah uh…” He swallowed. “Ah’m gonna propose.” “Oh wow, are ya really, Mac!?” Applebloom exclaimed. She was excited, but maybe she thinks she’s about ta get an extra pair of hooves ta help deal with Granny. Doubt she knows what this really means for us. Mac nodded. “Ah am. But part of the reason Ah brought ya here, Granny, is because Ah…” He paused, losing whatever steam he had, then breathed in to pick it up again. “Ah wanted ta get that pendant from ya. Ya know. Ma’s old pendant.” In my shock that he would dare ask for Ma’s wedding pendant in one breath while abandoning the farm in the other, I choked on my own spit before I could say anything. And as it turns out, Granny wasn’t here after all. “But, S-Sugarcube, didn’t ya say ya were gonna make one fer her yerself?” and she went to feel for her neck, thinking that Pa was asking her for her pendant, one she hadn’t worn in decades, at least not since I was born. A strained breath in, Mac went and kneeled in front of Granny to get her to focus on him. “Granny, it’s me, Macintosh. Do ya remember?” I hated to watch this. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to look it in the face. Clarity struck foggy eyes. “Oh! Oh, goodness, Ah’m so sorry Mac. Why, Ah…” She shook her head, used Mac to help her out of her rocking chair. “Ya know, when Bright came ta me tellin’ what he’d planned to do with yer mother, Ah was so furious with him that Ah just about slapped the apple off his flanks, but that boy had yer Pappy’s eyes, and he wasn’t about ta bend on the issue, so he told me he’d do it one way or another. Ah couldn’t talk him out of it, and Ah knew deep down that Buttercup wasn’t a bad mare…” I should be happy. “Will you marry me?” I shouldn’t be this upset. “Oh, of course Mac!” I shouldn’t be this angry. But I can’t help it. That was the last nail. The coffin’s sealed, and by the end of the fall, it’ll be buried, planted in, and out of sight. Is it bitterness? Jealousy? Despair? Maybe this is how Cheerilee felt back in January when he finally told her it wasn’t working out, before he met the mare of his dreams, before I realized I’d lost him forever, before the weight of my own words crushed me. The kissing, the singing, the dancing, the love, the merriment—I couldn’t stand any of it. In front of the apple-pear tree deep in the acres, Ma and Pa watched everything happened, seeing the end of the apple family as he dances on their graves. I should be happy. Instead, I feel sick. Lost. Like this hat on my head should be in his hooves instead of mine because he’ll be the one to carry on the name, and I’ll be the one to drown here in a sea of red and green before it all rots away with Granny’s mind and my will to go on. Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it all! Who do you think you aren’t!? Generations after generations of your ancestors worked this land with everything they had, putting everything they could into this orchard, and you think you have the right to throw away everything they gave you because it’s too hard!? You don’t deserve to be happy! “Applejack?” Granny asked. I froze at her touch. Stared at her like I didn’t know who she was. When did she get over here? Has she been standing there this whole time? “Y-yes, Granny?” Smiling sweetly, knowingly, she patted my back. “Things will be alright, Sugarcube.” Is this the same mare I had to remind who was proposing to whom this morning? “Don’t’cha worry none. Ya never know what’s around the corner. Good or bad, Apples have strong roots. Keep vigil, and you’ll always weather the storm.” I didn’t have the words to respond. Before I got control of my body again, she’d wandered off and asked ‘Pear’ how she felt about being part of the apples. I could hardly hold back the tears. It’s not fair, damn it… By the time I’d drained the rest of the cider cup, I was losing hold of my balance. Not gone completely, but I could feel the swaying, the numbness in my lips, the pleasant slowing of those thoughts I hate to think. I was alone in the barn like usual, but even without me in it, the farmhouse had the same number of occupants tonight. You proposed, you didn’t seal the deal, don’t go getting ahead of yourself. He knows better after the last time, but even if he did let that sparkle in her eyes get the best of him, I don’t want to hear it. I went to fill my cup back up, but found myself with yet another empty bottle. “Damn it!” I grabbed it by the neck and threw it at the wall. The glass shattered, the bottle fell in shards to the ground. Nopony would be the wiser; it’s too far away from the house to be heard, in a part of a barn that never gets used. That bottle would be left there in a broken heap, and nopony would know but me. Nopony… but me. A tremble in my lips had me get back on my hooves and head to the farmhouse again. I needed more. This continued practice had me getting better at holding it down, like I was getting used to being this drunk. It wasn’t enough. I can’t think the way I do, but I can’t look at them either. Their smiles make me bitter, their laughter makes me angry—what right do I have to get in the way of their happiness? Life isn’t fair. It never was, it never has been, and I’d known that ever since the day we lost Ma. It’s still not the worst day I’ve ever had. This still isn’t the worst it’s been, but even so, why does it feel so hard to tread water? As I approached the back door, I noticed a lamp was on in the kitchen. Both of them. In front of the fridge, looking at each other the way they do, nuzzling the way they do, kissing the way they do. Love. Burning in the pit of my stomach made me turn the other way. They reminded me of something I hadn’t seen in years now: a happy young couple. A big apple stallion and his curly maned mare. A vision of promise, a sign for the future, a new family breathing new life into this old, rotting tree. A family that didn’t include me. I wouldn’t go in that room. Not with them there, not while I feel like this and they look like that. I was still good enough to walk straight right now, and that’s not where I need to be. The bar ain’t far from here. I’ve got enough bits on me to finish the job. Anything to bury this feeling. Anything to look the other way.