//------------------------------// // Airplane food tastes bad. // Story: The Disastrous Adventures of Crew-T // by TheMajorTechie //------------------------------// "So remind me again, why am I suddenly the backup pilot?" Margarine Tub shrugged, shoving Rainbow Dash up against the controls. "The pilot and copilot and whoever the heck else was in here mysteriously got thrown out the window by an unknown force shaped mysteriously like a large flyswatter, so you're in charge now, pegasus." "Whuh?" But Butter Knife was gone now. The copilot seat was currently occupied by a still-quivering Fried Chicken Dealer. Rainbow Dash turned her eyes back to the windshield. She felt her heart beating heavy in her chest. She wasn't supposed to be doing this! She couldn't do this! "~~~Remember who you are~~~" a mysterious, disembodied voice that sounded mysteriously like Lightning Dust. "~~and that is a looooooseeeer~~~" Redheart slapped Lightning across the face. “Get it together! The lives of the passengers are in your hooves. Now I know you two haven’t flown since the incident, but you need to work it out and land that plane in one piece.” Yes, I just copied a single line from The Red Parade. It is for plot reasons that Rainbow Dash has reached into the aether of the sky and pulled Lightning Dust back onboard for the sole purpose of slapping her across the face. With that being said, Lightning Dust was promptly yeeted back out of the plane with the power of friendship and a bucket of fried chicken. Now then, how was she supposed to land this thing? Rainbow Dash reached for a button on the dashboard. "No!" Shinkshank the Buttered scolded, swatting Rainbow's hoof away. "That's the button that makes fart sounds I think!" Butter Knife's hooves flew over her mouth. She glared at the ceiling. "Don't you dare make me say the word 'fart' again." Well guess what, miss Bread-Spread? Butter Knife groaned. "Are you going to keep on alternating between names?" Yup. Also, you said the word fart again just a few moments ago. Knife Butter screamed, surprising Rainbow Dash into making the plane nosedive. The Fried Chicken Dealer tumbled backwards out of the cockpit, his buckets of fried chicken he had concealed beneath his trenchcoat spilling into the rest of the plane, much to the glee of the passengers, for they finally had some good fcking food. Dang, that's a run-on sentence up there. Neat. So anyway, where were we again? Oh yeah. Airplane. Free-fall. Rainbow Dash as pilot. Let us treat this as a free-fall situation. As you may know, the acceleration due to gravity on Earth and Earth-like planets (planets with a similar mass and density to our own world) is -9.8 meters/second2. Ignore air resistance, even though we are working with an entire airplane designed specifically for not being in free-fall. If the starting velocity of the falling airplane is -152 meters/second and five seconds has passed, what will be the volume of the scream that Rainbow Dash lets out as they spiral closer and closer to the unforgiving ground? Oh geez, we've got Trixie in Mareplane? And she's summoning... line breaks? With the power of all the line breaks put together, a line-break parachute emerged from the back of the plane, greatly slowing its descent at the cost of causing many, many ponies to pile up against the cockpit entrance. Don't worry, ponies from Equestria are hardy creatures. Say, where's our favorite edgy girl in all of this? Dangit, Trixie, we don't need any more line breaks! Trixie barfed out one more line break. She currently has motion sickness. Deal with it. So anyway, I "found" Butter Knife. She is currently holding on for dear life (even though she's immortal) on the edge of one of the airplane's wings. I wonder how she got there? "YOU PUT ME HERE, YOU IDIOT." Efink Rettub shouted back in her own Royal Canterlot Voice. Of which actually sounded more like a whiny child. She is canonically a whiny child. Butter Knife only screamed more because she knows that I, the author, hold ultimate power over her fate. Therefore, her existence must serve to appease my writing desires, and that means she is holding onto the wing of an airplane slowly drifting downward on a parachute made of line breaks. Finally, after what seemed like 706 words (I'm counting up to the number 706 itself on Fimfic's editor), the airplane finally touched down on the landing strip. Of course, it was still completely vertical in position, so everypony was still smushed up against the cockpit door. Rainbow Dash sat quaking in her nonexistent boots. The Fried Chicken Dealer was nowhere to be seen. Oh wait. There he is. He landed a water-bucket clutch. What a pro-gamer move. Can we get a pog? As for Slicey Dicey, she peeled herself off of the airplane's wing and vowed never to have herself be dropped headfirst out of a spacecraft onto a moving aircraft ever again.