Elijah walked through Ponyville, taking in the sights. “I wonder if they really can’t see me?” Testing this theory out, he ran up to a blue and purple pony and waved his arms in front of her. She didn’t so much as blink.
“Well... maybe she just has a slow reaction time.” Elijah tugged on her tail. The mare jumped, and looked around.
“Who did that?” The mare swished her tail, and blinked a few times.
Elijah chuckled. Picking up a potted plant, he flung it at the pony. It smashed against the side of her face, causing the mare to fall over. Elijah burst into laughter.
“GHOSTS!” shouted the mare, and she ran off screaming. Elijah wiped a tear from his eye, and then remembered his mission at hand. Jogging off to Twilight’s house, he thought of all the pranks he could pull with his powers. Upon reaching the library, he opened the door cautiously.
Inside, the purple unicorn was reshelving the books while consulting a large list. Spike was nowhere to be seen, which disappointed Elijah, because he wanted to mess with the little dragon. Having to be content with messing with Twilight, he went over to mess up some of her books. Removing one from its place on the shelf, it revealed a large time bomb that was slowly ticking down.
“Of course.” Elijah took the bomb and ran around panickedly for a few moments before remembering that it was on a timer. Slapping himself for being so stupid, he set the bomb on the table, and tried to think of a way to defuse it. In the meantime, the counter slowly ticked down from thirty seconds.
“Why the hell would there even BE bombs here? It doesn’t make any sense!” The timer cared not for inaccuracies, and slowly counted down the seconds until its detonation. Elijah sighed and tried to clear his head.
“Ok... I have to figure out how to disarm this thing...” Looking around, he saw a very thick hardcover book titled “A Simple Guide to Bomb Defusing.”
“How convenient!” Elijah grabbed the book, flipped through the pages, and then smashed the bomb with the book as hard as he could. The bomb fizzled and died.
“Crisis averted!” The human smiled. He had done it again.
The smile was quickly wiped from his face as the book he had used to “disarm” the bomb caught on fire. Elijah ran to the kitchen, filled a bucket with water, and threw the water all over the burning book.
Twilight Sparkle turned around, and slipped in the puddle. Elijah grimaced as he heard a sicken crack come from her front leg. Twilight winced in pain, and fell to the floor, smashing her head very hard against the ground.
At that moment, Spike opened the door, carrying Owloysius on his arm. “Hi Twi, Fluttershy said Owloysius is in perfect heal- Oh no! What happened?”
“Spike! Get me to the hospital!” Twilight passed out from the pain of her injury. Elijah winced.
“Jeez, did it screw her up that bad?”
Spike was panicking. “Oh no! How am I going to get her there? I can’t carry her! Oh my gosh, what if she’s dead? Ok, calm down Spike, I’ll just-” Elijah picked up a chair and smashed it over the panicky dragon.
“God, I can’t think with you blathering!” Elijah pondered the situation. Twilight was obviously still alive, as her chest still moved up and down. The Guardian Angel would need to move quickly if he were to save her, and by extension, himself. Picking her up, he checked outside to see if anypony was around. The street was empty outside, so Elijah ran as fast as he could, avoiding ponies when necessary, and finally reached his destination: The Hospital. Leaving Twilight outside the ER door, he knocked, and waited.
Nurse Redheart, who was on call at the moment, opened up the door. “You do know you can just come in- Twilight?”
The nurse called a few others to help carry the unconscious unicorn to a hospital bed. Elijah walked in after them, and once Twilight had been given a cot, sat by her and waited. Sure enough, her friends came after around thirty minutes, along with Spike who was sporting a bandage on his head.
Her friends crowded around Twilight, who awoke soon after being administered some adrenaline. The group talked, and once they left, Elijah continued to stare at her.
“You know, I wish you could hear me. I really feel like talking to someone.” Elijah fluffed the pillow a bit, and another time bomb fell from behind it.
“God dammit.” Elijah didn’t have time to deal with this one properly, so he through it out the window. A flash of light and a large noise came shortly afterwards, and so did the cries of ponies.
“Big deal, they’re near a hospital anyway.” Elijah reclined back on the hospital chair. Leaning back too far, he fell over and hit his head. “I hate this job...”
The rest of the week was mostly uneventful as Twilight healed. On the day of her discharge, she was walking down the hall when an exposed wire fell from the ceiling in front of her.
“Goddamn, this place must be underfunded.” Not thinking twice, Elijah grasped the wire and pulled it away from Twilight. You may think that this was an act of kindness, but really, it was elijah being so stupid as to not realize that he could have grabbed the rubber part of the wire, not the end which was shooting out sparks.
Elijah fell to the group, thoroughly freid. Twilight sniffed the air. “What smells like bacon frying?”
The human feebly crossed off Twilight’s name. “Next up... Fluttershy...”