//------------------------------// // Fifth Meeting // Story: Adagio's Evil Council of Doom // by Dawn Flower //------------------------------// Not actually in the Badlands this time, and instead, just… here. Sunset Shimmer was standing at the top of the main room of their base, singing out loud. “I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I know, I know, I know, I know, I want to. Deo-o.” She then suddenly stopped singing when she noticed the others in the room with her. “Oh, sowwy about that. Oh mayn, I am so excited I got chiwwwwwwws, mayn! My excitement is I got ten pounds of excitement in a five pound bayg. Yeah! We are here today to celebwate an event so fantastic that the whole worwd will remembuh for years to cooooooooooome!” “Happy Birthday, Princess Sunset Shi…” Snails was in the middle of saying. “It ain’t my birthday, mayn,” Sunset cut him off, now sounding a lot more serious. “Oh,” Snails uttered. “Then why is there a birthday cake over there?” He said, pointing at a small table in the corner, with a birthday cake on it. “What?!” Sunset Shimmer said. “Oh, that’s mine,” Sombra said, speaking up and raising his hoof. “It’s my birthday.” His expression then changed slightly. “Well, not ‘birthday’ exactly. It’s the fifth anniversary of when I was freed from the ice. I had it baked to look like a crystal,” he said while turning to face the cake. He licked his lips. “I like crystals, you know.” “Can anybody understand the words that are coming out of his mouth?!” Sunset shouted out. “Because I sure as hell can’t!” “By the way, thanks for not buying me anything. I really appreciate it,” Sombra spoke up again. “You’re welcome,” Snips said, sarcastically. “Heh heh,” Sombra laughed a little. “It’s the thought that doesn’t count.” “Yeah, we don’t like you,” Snips said, flatly. “Eh, guys, do you think maybe we should let the Princess finish speaking?” Snails decided to interject. Snips turned to face his friend and nodded. “I guess so.” Sombra merely nodded and didn’t say anything. “That’s wight, mayn. I am pwoud, and honoured, to announce that we have thwee new membuhs!” “Are they gonna be even lamer than the last one?” Snips asked. “I’m right here,” Sombra groaned. “’Sup, lame-o?” Snips replied without facing him. “These dudes don’t know the meaning of the word wayme! Gentohmen, and you, Sombwa. May I introduce the wichest son-of-a-bitch in all of Equestwia.” “Fancy pants?” Snails guessed. “Spoooooooooooot!” Sunset announced. *Beat* “Who?” Snails asked. “Me!” A short Diamond Dog shouted out quickly, as he appeared in the doorway, throwing the door wide open. Snips, Snails, and Sombra all kept their gaze on Spot as he walked over to them, joining their group in front of Sunset Shimmer. When he was standing beside them, Snips gave him a quick look up and down. “Yeah, this guy seems pretty lame too.” “Those sound like fighting words to me,” Spot retorted, pointing a finger at Snails. “Where I’m from, we settle everything with gem fights.” “Why do you sound like me?” Snips asked him. “En guarde!” Spot shouted out, reaching into his pockets, pulling out several small gems and throwing them at him, knocking him down. “Spoooooooooooot!” Sunset Shimmer called out. “Will you pwease put away yo shiny baubles so that I, Soonset Shimmah, the weader of the evil council, mayh move on with our wist of new membuhs?” “Sure thing,” Spot replied, already picking up the gems that he threw at Snips. “Our newest membuh is one of the most wuthless villains in the whole show. She awmost single hoofedly defeated Twiwight Sparkle and her fwiends. And she didn’t even need a two-parter. Twwwwwwwwi­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­ixxxxxxxxxxx­x­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­e­eee Wwwwwwu­u­u­u­uwamoooooooon!” The group of, now four, minions all turned back around towards the door again, to see a blue unicorn mare, with a silver mane. However, instead of displaying an air of superiority like the other villains did, she instead almost looked like she was lost. “Actually, I’m not a villain,” she spoke up. Sunset Shimmer immediately dropped hammy tone upon hearing this. “What?!” “Nope. Totally not a villain,” Trixie repeated. Sorry.” “But that’s impwossible!” Sunset exclaimed. “You once took over Ponyville!” “Oh, no, that’s a common misconception,” Trixie said as she waved them off. “I was just being manipulated by the Alicorn Amulet. As soon as I took it off, I felt much better, and I was even reformed.” “Oh, you gotta be kidding me! Why would you even appwy for this position if you ain’t a villain, mayn?” “Well, there must have been some sort of mis­un­der­stand­ing,” Trixie said hastily. “Because like I said, I’m definitely not a villain.” Sunset sighed. “Well, I guess we got ourselves a new janatoh.” Trixie then sighed herself. “Well, can you at least match what I made at the rock farm?” “Sure.” Sunset replied. She then immediately piped up again as she moved on. “Anyway, my final gwand reveawence is something that is gonna shock aww of you and shake the foundations of Pop Star Entertainment forever!” “I doubt that,” Snips deadpanned. “Oh bewieve me, douche face. This is gonna be the biggest thing to come out o’ nowhere since mah entire backstowy in the first Equestwia Girls movie! Oh-ho! The mystowy is indeed intwiguing. But whooooo could it be?” “Look, we all know this is just gonna end up being some lower-tier villain,” Snips said flatly. “So could we wrap this up? I need to meet a guy about a thing.” “Vewy well. The pwan who is…” Sunset suddenly started laughing as she caught herself when she messed up. “Oh, pfff, haha. Sowwy, mayn, I almost said the wrong thing. Seriouswy, could you imagine me messing up mah words? Anyway, the one who is going to be crutioh to our pwans to defeat Twiwight Sparkle and Adagio Dazzle is none other than…" --- “Chrysalis!” Adagio called. “What is it now, Adagio?” Chrysalis lazily called back. “I know what we need to do.” “Let me guess,” Chrysalis started. “We’re going to build a giant piñata.” They both said together. After a second, they both started again. “And then we wait until it’s Twilight’s birthday… give her a bat... and then we hide inside the piñata… and when she breaks it open, we jump out and tell her there’s no candy.” “Brilliant, is it not?” Adagio followed up, en­thu­si­as­ti­cally. “That it is not, Adagio,” Chrysalis answered. “Yeah. Wait what?” “You two are so gay for each other,” Discord chimed in. This caused both of them to glare at the Draconequus. Without changing his expression, he simply said, “You heard what I said.” Sonata couldn’t help but giggle. “Hehehehehe, gay.” Sighing and sitting back down properly, Chrysalis simply asked, “So, does anyone else have any better plans?” “I got a plan, man. I got a plan, man, can, Sam-I-Am, Pakistan, New York and Japan!” Gilda stringed together. “Do you actually have a plan or are you just saying words?” Chrysalis said with a straight face. “Michael Man.” “I believe what she’s trying to say,” Lightning Dust joined in. “Is that our plan supersedes all other plans. As our plan involves wearing black coats that allow us to move without being seen, and attack when our enemies least expect it.” “Are these coats fashionable and go well with any design?” Adagio asked. “Of course not,” Lightning Dust responded. “These coats take functionality over design. Although, they are enchanted so that no matter how big your hair is, it will always fit perfectly inside the hood.” “I already have coats that can do that!” Adagio screamed out as she stood up and threw her arms up into the air. “I shall have no part in this plan.” She then proceeded to sit back down again. “In Tartarus, we don’t wear cloths. Everyone is totally naked,” Tirek added. “That’s not exactly different from Equestria,” Aria added to the conversation. “Some ponies go their whole lives without clothes.” “Yes, but in Tartarus, you’re not even given the option of clothes. Everyone sent there is doomed to suffer eternal damnation. And nudity.” “Ah, that takes me back,” Tara Strong chimed in, with a smile on her face. “It reminds me of the time I first auditioned for the role of Twilight Sparkle.” “Public nudity reminds you of that?” Adagio inquired. “I am a method actor, miss,” Tara Strong responded in a hammy tone. “I need to really become my character before I can voice them. If they’re not wearing clothes while I’m speaking for them, then neither am I, so I was, of course, completely naked when we recorded. It was the most exhilarating acting experience. Of my life.” “Wait,” Aria perked up. “So, every time you’re recording Twilight’s lines, you’re…” “Completely naked, yes,” Tara Strong finished her sentence. Before Aria even had the chance to react, Discord suddenly slumped down on the table in front of him, holding his hands against his head. “Oh, God. I can already hear the bronies fapping.” As Adagio leaned back in her chair, she threw a quick glance at Discord, before she looked over at Lightning Dust and Gilda again. “And you too; about your black coat idea. I said before, no Final Fantasy references! That includes Kingdom Hearts,” she added as she narrowed her eyes. “Don’t think that I didn’t notice that reference.” “I can assure you that any reference you spotted was entirely coincidental,” Lightning Dust said, confidently. “References are not funny.” “Yeah, references suck,” Gilda said. “References are what retards use when they’re trying to be witty. But in actuality, it is the laziest form of writing in the history of the universe.” Lightning Dust gave a quick glance to the side before continuing. “There is so much more to comedy than references.” “References… are teh suck,” Gilda added. “So very teh suck.” “Well then,” Chrysalis started. “Speaking of ‘sucking’, Adagio, do you have any…” “Gay jokes are also teh suck,” Lightning Dust interrupted her. “And offensive,” Gilda added. “Very offensive,” Lightning Dust continued. “In Equestria, it is not only okay to be gay, but encouraged, so long as it’s mare on mare, of course. Just the idea of two stallions together like that is sick and must be condemned.” “Friggin’ colt cuddlers,” Gilda grumbled. Chrysalis grunted loudly in irritation. “You know what? Forget this, I’m done. I’m not doing it anymore.” “What are you not doing anymore?” Adagio asked her. “This!” She stated. “Adagio, I’m leaving. And there’s not a damn thing you can do to change my mind about it.” “Wait, wait. Hold the friggin’ phone here,” Adagio stammered. “You’re leaving me?” She asked in an accusatory tone. “If by ‘me’ you mean this idiotic council, then… yes.” Chrysalis answered. “But I thought we had something miserable. Something truly evil. I thought our hatred would last a lifetime.” “Well, then, you thought wrong,” Chrysalis retorted. “You see, it turns out that there’s another evil council operating in the area and they offered me a job. That’s right. They’re going to pay me actual money! And my contract allows me to perform at least one genuinely evil deed a month. Not just stand around chatting about it!” “Wait, how long has this been going on,” Adagio asked her, sounding hurt. “We’ve been in talks for a few weeks now,” Chrysalis answered. “You’ve been cheating on me this whole time?” Adagio asked, unbelievably. “And you never said anything?” “I wouldn’t call it ‘cheating’ exactly. They were just... ‘heavy negotiations’,” she defended. “Behind. My. Back,” Adagio said slowly, sounding offended. “Girls, girls, you’re both pretty,” Discord chimed in. He then waved his hand to the side and gave a coy smile. “But try as you might, you’ll never be as beautiful as I…” “Shut up, Discord!” Adagio and Chrysalis both shouted at him. “Well,” Discord said, pretending to sound hurt. “Everyone, listen,” Thrackerzod suddenly spoke up. “After staying silent for most of our previous meetings, I have finally come up with an evil and full-proof plan to destroy Twilight Sparkle and…” “Shut up, little filly,” Adagio interrupted her. “This is actually important!” She then turned back to face Chrysalis, looking sorrowful. “Chrysalis, please don’t go.” “I’m sorry, Adagio. I admit that the idea of doing evil with you was fun for a time. But the joke's gotten rather stale and now it’s become nothing more than just a series of weak punchlines that even I can’t laugh at anymore,” Chrysalis said, getting sentimental. “You’ve surrounded yourself with fools, but I feel like the biggest fool of all. Because at one point, I genuinely believed in this. In you, Adagio.” “But, but we had some good times right,” Adagio tried to convince her. “Remember when we had our evil council’s picnic, and we all got together to play baseball? I was the pitcher, you were the catcher?” “I’m not even going to comment on that one,” Discord whispered to himself. “I’m sorry, Adagio,” Chrysalis said. “But this whole exercise, while fun, has been a monumental waste of my evil talents.” “Chrysalis, please, give me another chance,” Adagio begged. She then suddenly noticed her phone float out of her pocket, over towards Chrysalis. “Wait, what are you doing with my phone?” She asked. “Oh, I need it to call Sunset Shimmer. She’s picking me up in a few minutes.” Chrysalis explained. “Tell her I hate her!” Adagio shouted. She then stopped and stared at Chrysalis as she typed her message. “Are you telling her that I hate her?” She asked, inquisitively. “Nope, now I’m texting her that you’re a slut,” Chrysalis answered. “Stop being ableist, Chrysalis!” “No,” Chrysalis deadpanned. She then got up out of her chair and walked out of the room. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pack.” Adagio snarled angrily as Chrysalis left the room. “Fine! Leave! See if I care! You’ve been nothing but dead weight from the beginning!” Once she was done, and Chrysalis had left the room, Adagio took a moment to catch her breath. “Okay people, let’s get back to work.” “Heh heh, yeah, no,” Aria said, speaking up. Adagio immediately jerked up and faced Aria. “What?” “We’re not going to listen to you,” Aria explained. “You’re a joke. Sure you started out alright, but as these meetings went on, you became nothing more than a hack. Chrysalis was the only one actually getting things done.” “Yeah, and she showed us how to take control of people without having to use our singing,” Sonata spoke up. “She was the best worst pal a villain could ask for,” Tirek said. Adagio was clutching at her head, shaking in anger at hearing everyone say how great Chrysalis was. “Look,” she spoke up. “Everyone stop talking about Chrysalis, who from now on will only be referred to as ‘It’.” “Chrysalis was Gak?!" Tirek blurted out. “That explains so much.” Sonata, who was once again in the middle of drinking her water, immediately did a spit take. “Wow! How did we not notice that before?” Aria then proceeded to facepalm so hard that she fell out of her chair and lost consciousness. Turning towards her partner, Sonata looked down at Aria’s unconscious body. “Uhhmm, Aria. Are you okay?” She asked, sounding worried. “Silence!” Adagio shouted out angrily, getting everyone’s attention. “You guys don’t think I have what it takes to run a council all by myself. Do you?” She stood up straight. “Fine then!” She then reached across the table to where Chrysalis had left her phone. “It just so happens I have Luna’s number on my speed dial.” “What?” Discord spoke up. “You have pictures of Princess Luna in a speedo?” “Speed dial!” Adagio reiterated, while dialling. She then turned her attention to the screen in front of her. “Friggin’ Draconequus.” She then finished dialling and brought the phone to her ear. “You’ll see. One quick call to Luna and she’ll be begging to team up with me now that Chrysalis is old news.” “Uhhmm,” Sonata said, giving Aria’s unconscious body a quick glance before facing Adagio again. “I thought she didn’t like you.” Adagio just gave her a confident smirk. “Oh, trust me. I’m a master at tele­phone-based manipulation.” She then returned her attention to the phone in her hand. After thirty seconds, nothing happened. “What the hell?!” Adagio said, looking at her phone in confusion. “Why isn’t she picking up? Discord raised a talon. “Probably because she doesn’t have a phone. You’re thinking of Vice Principal Luna.” “Dammit!” Adagio shouted, lowering her phone again. She then stuttered a bit. “Okay, it’s… it’s alright. I can still salvage this.” She then turned her head back to face her council. “Uhh… who wants to order out? We could get tacos. Anyone? Tacos? Anyone? Tacos?” But all of the other members remained silent. Looking from side to side for a second, Sonata slowly started raising her hand, but then Discord whispered to her, “Don’t even think about it,” filling in for Aria, who was still unconscious. She then immediately lowered her hand again. --- “Welcome thowowy, Chwysawis, to Sunset Shimmer’s iwwustrious Council of Domination!” Sunset said, welcoming the changeling queen to their ranks. “I twust you’ll find things to your wiking?” “Oh, believe me, so long as there are no young, scantily-clad girls, touching me in­ap­pro­pri­ately, I think I’ll fit in just fine here,” Chrysalis responded. “Good. Now I…” Sunset suddenly stopped when she looked at the corner of the room. “Hey, Twixie Wuwamoon! I told you to cwean that cwap in the corner up, like, five hours ago! I am-a pissed off!” “Okay,” Trixie said hastily. “Just as long as it’s not evil crap. I couldn’t touch the stuff. Not a villain, you see.” “Why does that janitor sound like me?” Chrysalis asked, after hearing Trixie speak. “Now then,” Sunset continued. “Chwysawis, may I pwesent to you, as a token of appweciation for joining our group, this expensive, twenty cawat fire wuby!” She announced, producing the gem in the palm of her hand, giving it to her. “May it forever serve as a symbol of the bond between us.” “Hey, that’s mine!” Sombra shouted. “It’s the only thing aside from the Crystal Heart that I still have from my reign a thousand years ago. It’s quite literally the only thing I own.” “Ignore that guy!” Sunset quickly shouted over him. “He’s from Mexicolt or something or Neighpon, I don’t know. Doesn’t speak a wohd of engwish.” “Shouldn’t be a problem,” Chrysalis said with a smile, floating the fire ruby over to her. Spot then suddenly appeared beside her. “Give me the bauble!” He said, reaching for the gem. Chrysalis simply raised it higher above her head, and started pushing him away with her hoof. “Now then,” Sunset spoke up again. “Let our gwohwious cewebwations begin! But first, who wants pizza?!” “Uhh,” Chrysalis raised her hoof, while pushing Spot back with the other. “Do you guys, perchance, have any, uh, tacos?” Sunset Shimmer simply gave Chrysalis a look. “Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Weally? Weally? Weally? Evwyone knows that pizza is better than tacos! Booo. Oh, eat a dyk.” “Oh. Right, of course,” Chrysalis replied. “Mmmm, pizza,” she said, trying to sound convincing. “And now, awow me to pweasure your ears with this meweodis tune,” Sunset spoke up again, now suddenly holding a guitar. “Brought to you from the cock-allos of my heart.” She then started playing the guitar and started singing. “Sweet home Abalayma! Where the skies are so bwuuuuuue.” Although, the other members weren’t so impressed. “Sweet home Abalayma!” --- Meanwhile, back at Adagio’s council. “You know, I’m starting to think that Chrysalis isn’t coming back,” Adagio said. “What tipped you off?” Discord asked, sarcastically. “The fact that she hasn’t returned the 300 phone calls you just made?” “I guess just I figured it was all going to be a big fake out,” she reasoned. “That it was going to just turn out okay in the end and we’d go right back to being horrible to each other. Just like the old days. But now, without her hate,” she slumped into her chair and sighed. “I feel empty.” “Don’t worry, Adagio, you’re better off without her,” Discord tried to comfort her. Adagio raised her head. “Really?” “Well, no,” Discord admitted. “But she’s better off without you. And that’s something, right?” Adagio sniffed. “Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh,” she started singing, while desperately trying (and failing) not to cry. “You didn’t know that you fell. Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh. Now that you’re under our spe-e-e-e-ll­l­lll.” She finally broke down sobbing, burying her head in her arms in front of her, on the table. “Ah, to be young again. And naked.” Tara Strong spoke up. The End… For Now Lightning Dust walks into the centre of a white screen and turns to face the screen. “Reference jokes may as well be stealing. Unless the thing you’re stealing from is literally built on stealing. Then it’s perfectly acceptable.”