//------------------------------// // Second Meeting // Story: Adagio's Evil Council of Doom // by Dawn Flower //------------------------------// Somewhere in the Badlands… Deep beneath the arid ground, in a large underground chamber, several of the most powerful beings in Equestria and beyond sat around a large, round, stone table. “So to answer your question, Sombra, my favourite Hatsune Miku song is ‘World is Mine’... because I want to take over the world,” Chrysalis answered the unicorn’s question. “Crystals,” Sombra responded from across the table. “Yeah, I know. I gave it four and six eights stars out of five on iTunes.” “Silence!” Adagio interrupted them, standing up from her chair to address the room. “It’s time to begin our annual meeting.” “We can’t start yet,” Chrysalis countered. “Discord is still in the middle of downing his daily ten gallons of chocolate milk.” “Oh.” Adagio’s expression softened. “Well then, I suppose we should just wait for him then.” “Yep,” Chrysalis responded with a nod of her head, before facing frontwards again. An uncomfortable silence crept over the room, and it was another ten seconds before Adagio spoke up. “So…” She began, whilst scratching at the back of her head. “Anyone heard of any good jokes?” Sonata suddenly raised her hand. “Uhhmm, can I have some chocolate milk too?” Ignoring the blue skinned girl like always, Adagio turned towards Chrysalis. “Oh, hey, Chrysalis. You should do your impression of Twilight Sparkle.” The changeling suddenly looked a bit awkward for a fraction of a second, but was quick to brush it off. “I don’t do an impression of Twilight Sparkle,” she denied, angrily. “Oh, come on. Don’t be so modest,” Adagio encouraged her. “It’s EFFing brilliant. Come on, we all want to hear it. Isn’t that right Adagio's Evil Council of Doom?” She asked, while gesturing towards everyone in the room. “Not really,” Tirek responded. “No,” Aria deadpanned. “No,” Sonata said after her, almost as fast, and twice as perky. Aria just rolled her eyes at that. “Crystals,” Sombra answered. There was also a muffled voice that kind of sounded like it said, “Roll credits.” “I command you to want to hear it,” Adagio spoke up, not caring about their answers. “Or else I will start intimately touching everyone in this room, while I sing, and sway my hips seductively, making it really awkward for everyone involved.” An awkward silence followed, with the other members of the council all just shifting their eyes from one to another. “Uhhmm, okay,” someone spoke up. Happy that her little ultimatum worked, Adagio smirked in triumph. “That’s right. Fear my awkward touching powers.” She then turned back towards Chrysalis, with a coy smile. “Well, since you put me on the spot,” Chrysalis started. She then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she sported an obviously fake smile. “Hey everypony,” she said, in a higher tone of voice. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. Friendship is Magic.” Adagio immediately brought her hand to her mouth to try and contain her laughter. The rest of the council members, however, remained silent. Adagio kept giggling, with one hand on her mouth and another on her stomach. “Oh man, that gets me every time. That’s exactly what she sounds like.” While Adagio was busy laughing, Aria suddenly got an idea, which brought a smile to her face. Turning towards Chrysalis, she said, “Hey, you should do Adagio next.” “Yeah, do her,” Sonata repeated immediately, with a big smile on her face. This caused all the other council members to immediately brighten up, except for Adagio, who had now stopped laughing. “What?!” She uttered in surprise. She then immediately went back to her angry expression. “No. Nobody shall do me. As head of this council, I forbid it.” Chrysalis stifled a snicker just thinking about it. “Come on, Adagio. It’s just a bit of harmless fun.” Adagio immediately furrowed her brow. “It won't be harmless when I stab you with your own horn and drain your body of all its fluids.” At this, Chrysalis simply turned her head to the side. “As you wish.” She then slowly raised her hoof and placed it on the table in front of her. “You didn’t know that you…” She then purposely slid her hoof along the table, and brought her head down, pretending like she bumped it, smiling all the while. This immediately caused everyone else to start laughing as loud as Adagio had earlier. The siren in question, however, was fuming from embarrassment. “Alright, that’s it, give me your horn!” Before she could make a move, however, there was suddenly a loud crash, as Discord slammed his chocolate milk jug down on the table. “I am now on a sufficiently high sugar… uhh, high,” he said, while wiping away any remaining chocolate milk from his goatee. “Yes, because nothing says evil quite like flavoured dairy products,” Chrysalis said sarcastically, turning her head in his direction. “Enough!” Adagio shouted. “Now that we are all ready, I am calling this meeting of the Evil Council of Doom to order.” She then turned to face the unicorn on her right. “Sombra, as the group’s secretary, I want you to transcribe everything we say.” “Crystals,” Sombra responded in affirmation. “Very well then,” Adagio said, turning back forward to face everyone. “Our first order of business is to discuss what went wrong with our last plan. It was a complete and utter sham. Sham I say. And I’ve never used that word before in my life.” “Well,” Flam spoke up. “I reckon it failed because the ponies are so busy with their adventures and writing their own letters, that they never have the time to read the ones that are sent to them.” “Is that right, Mr. Know-It-All?” Adagio asked him, as she leaned on the table in front of her, closer to him. “Then why didn’t you raise this point at our last meeting?” “Well, you didn’t let me talk,” Flam stated matter-of-factly. “Didn’t I?” Adagio smirked. “Well then, let me do you a favour, Red. Since you apparently like talking so much, I’ll let you decide exactly what to say when I explode your brain with my siren song!” Adagio shouted at the end, attacking the moustachioed pony with her sonic attack. “I never saw Prance!” was all Flam had time to say before his brain exploded. (Gory discretion shot, so that I can avoid using a mature tag.) His leftover body then just simply fell over without the extra weight at the top to keep it balanced. All of the other council members simply stared as one of their members was brutally murdered. Aria was slightly more wide-eyed then normal after seeing it. “Whoa,” she said quietly. “His head just exploded.” “Yeah,” Sonata piped up next to her. “It was just like that time I put my taco in the microwave and set it to maximum.” Adagio simply looked around the table at each of their reactions, with a confident smirk on her face. “Let this be a lesson to all of you: never question my evil plans, no matter how stupid they may be.” “Actually, that was my evil plan,” Chrysalis spoke up. Turning to face her, Adagio’s expression softened. “Oh. Well, in that case, I’m sorry, Flam. Your criticisms were perfectly acceptable.” *Beat* “Flam?” Adagio repeated. “You killed him!” Flim spoke to Adagio in an accusing manner. “You killed my brother! You monster!” He screamed at her. At this, Adagio brought her finger to her lips, as if in thought. “Yes, I suppose I did.” She then waved her hand nonchalantly. “Oh well, on to the next matter on the agenda.” And with that, everyone, even Flim, completely forgot about Flam’s murder and moved on. Although the smell didn’t. “Now,” Adagio continued. “I would like to introduce the newest member to our evil council.” At that moment, the door into the main chamber opened, and a unicorn filly, with a white coat and a pink and purple striped mane, stood standing in the doorway. “Hello, everypony. My name’s Sweetie Belle.” Her voice broke slightly on her name, giving everyone in the room diabetes. Chrysalis reaction was immediate. “You invited a little filly to join our evil council? Honestly, Adagio, I would expect this kind of unpredictable thing from Discord, but not from you.” Turning to face her, Adagio simply smirked and said, “It’s not the filly I’m interested in.” At this, Chrysalis was confused. She was about to speak up, when suddenly she heard someone with a deep voice clear their throat. She at first turned to face Sombra, but when she did, he simply nodded his head from side to side, and pointed his hoof at Sweetie Belle. Chrysalis then turned to face her just as she was about to speak. “Sorry about that,” the little filly spoke, but now her voice was even deeper than Sombra’s. “As I was saying, my name is Thrackerzod, and I am a regular, magical unicorn, and definitely not an evil spirit focused on destroying Twilight Sparkle.” Her eyes then suddenly looked nervous. “I can assure you, that I am simply here as an intern and nothing more.” Her eyes then shifted back to her serious expression, with her eyes narrowing. “And that is a perfectly reasonable excuse.” When Thrackerzod was finished speaking, Chrysalis simply turned back to face Adagio. “See?” The siren said. “See how utterly evil it is? Truly it is an abomination.” “Aww, look at how cute she is,” Tirek squeed. (Yes, you read that right. Lord Tirek actually squeed.) “I want to hug her.” Thrackerzod immediately backed up a few steps. “While I am a regular, magical unicorn, and that is the appropriate response to the situation, I must advise against such actions, as they will ultimately end with your soul being ripped from your body and subjected to the Nine Punishments of Zorah, which will drive you mad in seconds and last for centuries.” Tirek simply ignored what she said and just kept gushing over her cuteness. “She’s so adorable. I just want to cuddle her all night.” “Why that sounds delightful,” Sweetie Belle squeaked. “Will everyone please shut the EFF up!” Adagio screamed. “I command you all to stop acting like children.” Sweetie Belle then turned to look at Adagio. “But I’m eight years old. I can’t help it.” “Leave her alone!” Tirek yelled angrily at Adagio, very protective of the little filly. “I’m just trying to move our meeting along.” Adagio reasoned. “Yes, of course,” Thrackerzod spoke up again. “Please continue with your meeting. I believe you were just at the part where you come up with a plan to destroy Twilight Sparkle.” Her eyes then suddenly widened again. “However, do not assume that it is my plan to do such things. I am just an intern, after all.” Adagio simply leaned back into her chair, with a smile on her face. “I knew it was a good idea to invite her to join. Now we can come up with a plan so evil that even the cruellest and most evil organization known to man wouldn’t be able to conceive of it.” “You mean Hasbro?” Chrysalis chimed in. “Well, I was trying to be subtle,” Adagio commented. “But yes. That is who I meant.” “Again I must reiterate that it is not my intention to actually come up with an evil plan in which to destroy Twilight Sparkle, as I am just an intern, but why do you not simply drain her of all of her magical power, leaving her a lifeless husk?” Thrackerzod interjected. “I already suggested that in the last meeting, and it didn’t work.” Chrysalis answered. “And I actually did do it,” Tirek spoke up. “Even when it worked, it didn’t work.” “Well then, what are we going to do to kill Twilight Sparkle?” “I thought that you were just an intern,” Chrysalis remarked snidely. “Pony!” Sweetie Belle cried out in glee. This immediately made Chrysalis shift her expression. “I am not a pony!” “Oh, shut up, Pony,” Adagio teased her before returning her attention to the meeting. “We need to think of a plan; something sadistic and juvenile.” Aria then started thinking. “Maybe we could put LSD in their coffee and just sit back and watch the show?” She suggested. This made Sonata laugh. “Yeah, or we could send them a bunch of prank phone calls?” “How is that going to defeat Twilight Sparkle?” Adagio asked. “I don’t know,” Sonata shrugged. “I’m only here because you two are.” She then smiled innocently. This caused Adagio to groan and sigh into her hands. “Yes, I’m well aware of that.” Suddenly, her cell phone started ringing. “Oh, hold on. I have to take this,” she said to the rest of the council as she reached into her pocket and opened up her phone. “Yes, what is it?” “Hello,” the person on the other end said. “Is your refrigerator running?” “I don’t have a EFFing refrigerator. 1. I feed off of the negative emotions of others and thus have no need for a refrigerator, and 2. Even if I did need one, I live in an underground cave in the middle of the Badlands. How would I even be able to run it?” She asked the mysterious caller. “Then you had better go and catch it,” the caller replied, before immediately hanging up. “What?!” Adagio called. “What does that even mean?” Her eyes then widened in realization. “Oh, I see, that was a prank call.” She then threw her phone on to table and leaned against it with her hand. “Well, you’d have to get up pretty early in the morning to make me look ba…” But then, her hand slipped, causing her to fall face first against the table. “I told you she did that.” Chrysalis said. “Shut up, Pony,” Adagio grumbled, still face down against the table. --- Meanwhile, over… here. Sunset Shimmer ended her phone call in failure. “Curses. My cunning plan to fool Adagio into thinking that her refrigerator was running has been foiled. We shall have to rethink our strategy.” She then turned back around to face her minions. “Isn’t that right, my evil, demonic henchman?” However, when she turned back around, Snails was just staring ahead, with a blank look on his face as usual, and Snips wasn’t even there. Bringing her hand back in to rest her head on, Sunset let out a sigh. “I really need to get better at this whole evil council thing.” “Duh,” Snails drawled. --- “I have an idea, Adagio,” Chrysalis spoke up. “Why don’t you just use your siren magic to take control of Twilight’s mind? Then she can just defeat herself.” Adagio responded by giving her a look that said, ‘Seriously?’ “You fool.” Adagio finally spoke verbally. “Don’t you know that my siren powers are powerless against Twilight Sparkle. Siren magic doesn’t work on anyone named Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, or Rarity. Why do think it didn’t work on them before, even after it was established that my power worked especially well on anyone with Equestrian magic?” “Wait a minute?” Chrysalis spoke up. “If that’s true, then why didn’t it work on Sunset Shimmer?” “Well, duh,” Adagio responded instantly. “Her name is a synonym for Twilight Sparkle.” While Adagio continued giving her a look, Chrysalis returned it with one of her own. “Oh, well that’s a rather annoying limitation.” Chrysalis teased. Adagio just smirked at that. “Oh? Well then why don’t you just use your changeling mind control magic on her, like you used on her brother?” She said sarcastically. This remark earned the siren a glare from the changeling queen. “Yeah, doesn’t feel too good, does it? Anyway, my point is, siren magic just doesn’t work on girls with those names... or guys with those names, but believe me, those are really hard to find.” “I know a few,” Discord chimed in. “Why does that not surprise me?” Adagio asked rhetorically. After that little exchange, and Adagio realised just how much time had passed, she moved to speak again. “Alright, one of us must have said something that will help us defeat Twilight Sparkle. Sombra, pass me the transcript of the meeting.” “Crystals,” Sombra responded, floating the notepad over to her. Taking the notepad in her hand, Adagio started reading through it. “Alright, let’s see now: ‘crystals, crystals, crysta-‘ What!?” She screamed out. “This thing just says the word ‘crystals’ over and over again.” She then turned to face Sombra. “I told you to write down what we were saying.” “Crystals,” Sombra tried to reason with her. “Enough! I don’t want to hear your excuses. You’re fired Sombra. I don’t want to see you in this council ever again. Do you understand?” “Crystals!” Sombra snarled. He then got out of his chair and walked away. “Yeah, yeah,” Adagio said as she shooed him off. “Have your desk cleared out by the end of the day.” Sonata, who was just in the middle of taking a drink of water, suddenly did a spit take. “He has a desk!?” Aria then facepalmed so hard that it hurt. “Ow.” After Sombra had left the room, Adagio’s angry expression faded, instead being replaced by a triumphant smirk. “Well, that felt exceptionally good. I didn’t defeat my arch-nemesis, but I did fire somebody. And in the end, isn’t that what being an evil villain is all about?" She didn’t wait for anyone to answer and just answered herself. “Yes. Yes it is.” “Let’s celebrate by going to a Hatsune Miku concert,” Chrysalis suggested. “Good idea, Pony.” --- Later, at the concert. Miku had just finished her first song and was about to get ready to start another. “Not bad,” Adagio commented. “Is that Miku?” She asked Chrysalis, who was sitting beside her. “The one who looks like a cross between Aria and Twilight Sparkle?” “Yes, that’s her, Adagio,” Chrysalis begrudgingly answered. “Now please be quiet. I’m trying to watch.” After another two seconds, Adagio spoke again. “Are there other singers for the concert, as well?” “Adagio, shut up! You’re ruining it for me.” This time, three seconds passed before Adagio spoke again. “This is just alright.” Chrysalis groaned. “I still think that we should have gone to a better concert. Like one of ours.” “I thought you wanted to go to a better concert?” Chrysalis teased, with a coy smile on her face. “I did,” Adagio said seriously. After a second, she realised what she meant. “Oh, I get it; that was a joke. Well it wasn’t funny.” Another two seconds passed. “You know who is funny?” One second. “Cheese Sandwich. He’s a funny pony. I laugh at his material.” This time Adagio stayed quiet until the very end of the song. “Just how long do these concerts usually go on for anyway?”