Chapter 34
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VeeVee and Boozebeard
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A crowd of stallions and colts surrounded a huge, off-yellow stallion as he raised a barrel of cider higher and higher into the air. The sweet liquid inside poured out and passed right through his thirsty lips. Gulp after gulp, he downed the Sweet Apple Acres secret recipe cider.
With an oxygen-starved gasp for air, Boozebeard pulled away the empty barrel and roared. The testosterone-charged crowd around him shouted in awe. Boozebeard unleashed a string of deep, boisterous laughs. His friends from Tall Tale’s Adventure Flyers flew up to him and and lifted him up (no easy feat, even for ten stallions). They paraded him around the crowd of males like a victorious champion.
“Three cheers fer Boozebeard! Tha gre’est cider sucking stallion aroun’!” one of the shaggy-maned stallions cried.
“Aye, an’ not a bad flyer, neither!” another said with a chuckle. The crowd laughed. Applejack’s wagon, nearby, was being manned by two of the Tall Tale flyers. They had their hooves full processing transactions as pony after pony came through. The freshly picked baskets of apples, the baked goods, and the barrels of cider that Big McIntosh had brought earlier that day were already nearly sold.
Not far from the apple wagon, a stone’s throw in fact, was Rarity’s makeshift shop, which was far less rowdy than Applejack’s, though no less busy. The main attraction of the day was Ms. VeeVee herself, dressed to the nines in a tight, glittering red dress. Her eyeliner was a dark, sultry ruby, as was her bright, red lipstick, though they failed to highlight the luster that was missing from VeeVee’s usually sharp eyes. A grave sadness hung on her brow.
Nonetheless, patrons hungry for Rarity’s fashion surrounded the dress and accessories displays. Off to one side were a few of VeeVee’s biggest male admirers, carefully recording orders that the crusty elites ordered them to list. VeeVee herself entertained a couple of Canterlot high-class philanthropists.
“Why, it wasn’t NEARLY this busy when we came the other day,” said the wife of the couple, her grey mane looking like an inflatable poodle, “It was quite barren, wouldn’t you say, dear?” She turned to her husband, a huffy stallion tightly choked by his tie and his suit.
“Q-quite indeed… dearest…”
VeeVee forced a smile towards the two.
“Feel free to try on vhatever you wish for—mmm, yes?”
VeeVee expanded her smile even further, so much that anypony of normal status would surely catch its inauthenticity. For the Canterlot uppercrust, however, it was business as usual. The wife looked around with a sad glance.
“I say, you seem to be missing an employee. That sullen-looking mare with the black mane… where is she?”
The husband nodded in agreement with his wife.
“Yesss, hmm, that one added a certain quality to the shop — what would you say, dearest? As if she were a dark accessory that highlighted the beauty of the shop’s wares.”
The wife nodded rapidly.
“Yes dear, just that, exactly.”
VeeVee looked to the ground, still faking her smile.
“Ahh, mein Schvester.”
She looked back up with an even fuller smile and closed eyes pulled into false mirth.
“She’s resting up! Bad bout of zhe Pony Pox, ja!”
As VeeVee talked to Rarity’s clients, the noise from the other shop, the shop full of miscreant stallions, started to batter her ears a little too much. Her brow furrowed. VeeVee marched over to the no-ponies-land between the apple wagon and the dress wagon. She cleared her throat obnoxiously loud, staring down the crowd around Boozebeard.
There was no reaction to that, so she shouted.
“Hey! You ponies over zhere!”
Some of the males in the crowd heard and turned around, and instantly became trapped in the spell that VeeVee inadvertently cast with her appearance. Her fans from Rarity’s shop were standing behind her, less for support and more that they just felt attracted to the batpony mare. Eventually the disturbance caused by VeeVee was enough that Boozebeard could see her across the way.
Boozebeard, now back on his own four hooves (though barely), burped loud and looked around.
“Ehhh? Wha’s all this, then, hmm — oh it’s YOU!”
Boozebeard soared over to just in front of VeeVee and landed with a shaky slam against the fine cobblestone of the courtyard. He glared at VeeVee, who glared back with equal ire.
“Come ta cause anotha’ ruckus then?” Boozebeard hissed.
“Nein! I only vish you vould stop bringing such barbarisch ponies around! Zhey scare Miss Rarity’s clients — mmm, no?”
A hot air balloon floated down towards the courtyard as Boozebeard shot back with a spitting rebuttal.
“Oh ye? An’ what do you propose ta do abou’ it, lass?”
VeeVee’s wings unfurled, jutting straight out to either side of her like jagged blades of black ebony.
“Perhaps you will be finding out if you continue, Schmutzfink!”
Boozebeard’s imposing wingspan unleashed itself and toppled over a few onlookers. His giant body cast shade over VeeVee.
“Zat right, lass? Yer gonna go hoof ta hoof with ol’ Boozebeard, then? Righ’ here?”
Boozebeard grinned an awful, wide grin.
“Not like I’m against gettin’ you back fer the race yesterday…”
Off to one part of the courtyard, Rarity and Applejack’s balloon had landed. The two mares approached their shop sponsors with unknowing smiles that quickly faded away.
“Howdy Boozey — err, what’s goin’ on here?”
“VeeVee, darling! You look positively ghastly — why do you look ready to tear Boozebeard’s head off?!”
The two temporary shopkeeps turned away with snarls.
“Bah — s’nothing,” Boozebeard said, looking at Applejack with one eye open and his face turned away in displeasure. “Buh Ah dun like ponies like ‘er lookin’ down on ol’ Boozebeard cas uh my habits!”
VeeVee huffed.
“Alvays vith zhe excuses! Zhese strong men think zhey can do vhatever zhey vant because zhey are so big…” VeeVee turned back around and Rarity watched in awe as her face became vicious and feral. Her batpony pupils enlarged to epic proportions, her ears stood fully upwards and erect, and she revealed her dagger-like bat fangs. “YOU MAKE ME HAVE ZHE SICKNESS, PIG MAN!” she shouted.
Applejack and Rarity exchanged confused glances. The hundreds of ponies gathered around were totally silent.
Suddenly, a stallion near Applejack’s wagon shouted.
“BOOZEBEARD YOU GOT THIS!”
A mare on the other side, close to Rarity’s shop, cried in reply.
“DON’T LISTEN TO HIM VEEVEE! YOU GO GIRL!”
That was enough to turn the crowd against one another based on their allegiances. Applejack and Rarity quickly led their sponsors away with bewildered urgency. Applejack tore into Boozebeard the second they were alone.
“What in tarnation is going on? Shoot, Boozey — Ah only wanted you to hold down the fort ‘til I got back! What’s all this ruckus with VeeVee?”
Boozebeard turned his head away, his long, messy curls of maroon bouncing as he did.
“Bah! It’s all ‘er fault, truly, Applejack! Ah done nothin’ bu’ be meself! Drinking cider, entertainin’ the sportsponies” — Boozebeard turned back to Applejack and threw up his hoof, eyes wide — “Ah done what you said to do, nothin’ more!”
Applejack hummed and leaned around Boozebeard to look past the crowds at Rarity and VeeVee. She saw Rarity staring back, just as focused as she was on getting to the bottom of things. Rarity, on the other side of the courtyard, responded to VeeVee.
“And you’re sure it was all his doing, all the nonsense? You had no part in it, VeeVee, my dear?”
VeeVee sighed in exasperation and made a flourish with her hoof.
“Ja! Like I am making the saying, zhat brute vas being barbarisch — he almost scared avay all our clients!”
Rarity frowned and her brow warped with concern. She put her hoof against VeeVee’s forehead.
“Are you sure you’re not coming down with something, though? As I said before, your appearance is somewhat unsettling…”
Rarity did not miss that Ms. VeeVee, batpony flyer extraordinaire and beloved by stallions from far and wide, was not herself. Her leathery, black wings were jittery. Her amber eyes, generally captivating and charming, seemed sullen, empty. Her makeup may have looked decent to an average pony, but a mare of Rarity’s fashionability could tell it was done haphazard. VeeVee’s jet black mane was more like a lump of tar than a pristine souffle.
VeeVee snapped back at Rarity.
“Ja, ja, everything is all” — VeeVee waved her hoof around in front of her dramatically — “You know, like the peaches and cream! Mein only problem is him!” She pointed over at Boozebeard, who stuck his tongue out in response. Rarity sighed, rubbing the side of her face with a hoof. The crowds of ponies around them were whispering amongst themselves, which Rarity did not fail to notice.
“Anyway, it’s no big deal, whatever happened,” Rarity said with a nervous smile, “Applejack and I agreed to end the competition. There’s no need for these shops anymore! We’re going to pack it up and head home!”
Over at the other side of the courtyard, Applejack was giving a similar speech to Boozebeard.
“… so ya see? Just let it go — the tizzy with VeeVee, the anger, what have you. We’re done and through! Y’all can go back to training or whatever!” Applejack gestured towards Boozebeard’s companions, who were dealing with the confused crowd of customers. Boozebeard and VeeVee exchanged angry glances across the courtyard.
“Ah don’t think Ah wan’ to, Applejack.”
Boozebeard puffed out his chest and snorted like a bull. Applejack facehoofed.
“And why’s that, Boozey?” she asked with exasperation. Boozebeard shuffled back and forth and gritted his teeth.
“It’s jus’ — ever since Ah was a wee colt, ponies like her have been pointing their hooves out an’ laughin! ‘Lookit that clown, Boozebeard, gallivanting around with his wild hair an’ his craziness’, they’d say.” Boozebeard stopped pacing and turned to Applejack, his face turned inward with frustration and his hoof pointing towards VeeVee. “Ah’ve had enough, an’ Ah think Ah know how we can make this work for everypony…”
Over on the other side, Rarity and VeeVee were whispering off to one side of the makeshift shop. Elite patrons gossiped among themselves as the gigantic form of Arnold, the creature from VeeVee’s stave, barred them from moving forward with his crossed-arm stance.
“I vill never surrender! Nein! Never again!” VeeVee was stalwart. Rarity felt a drop of sweat cascade down the swoop of her neck and onto her shoulder. She smiled sheepishly at VeeVee.
“Darling, with all due respect, I simply cannot keep the shop running any longer after today — nor can you! The second race is tomorrow!”
VeeVee flashed a batpony-fanged smile at Rarity and chuckled.
“Ja, but zhat is zhe best of zhe parts — mmm, no? See,” VeeVee stood in front of Rarity and cocked her head with a smile. She signaled Rarity with some rapid blinks. Rarity sighed and returned the smile and threw up a forehoof, which VeeVee quickly wrapped with her own. She looked at Rarity with blazing eyes. “I have zhe plan to win against Boozebeard! And ve don’t have to be missing zhe important race to do it!”
Rarity, and Applejack across the way, both sighed as they heard their partners reveal their new strategy for capitalistic victory. The crowds of customers around both wagons was robust — no other stall in the busy Royal Canterlot Courtyard had nearly as many patrons. The very air was thick with the noise of race hype and the need to spend bits that came with it.
* * *
The rush of an evening breeze pushed Rarity’s mane around her head. Applejack held steady to her stetson as the balloon that both mares were riding back to Ponyville bounced with the wind. The setting sun was an orange-red fireball casting a charming glow upon the world below. Rarity and Applejack couldn’t help but relish the surrounding countryside from far above in the balloon, the landscape smothered in orange glow and shadows. Tiny green treetops and cottages marked the way back to Ponyville. Here and there was a wide stretch of farmland and a barn.
“Everything worked out smoothly, I think!” Rarity cried, peering out to the open sky as she leaned with her hooves over the side of the basket. Applejack sighed as she maintained altitude with the balloon’s burner.
“Ah suppose — but! Don’t be thinkin’ this here competition ended with one pony winning or losing! It was a tie, y’hear? We ended early for Rainbow!”
Rarity responded, “Yes, yes, Applejack, of course.” She hummed to herself happily for a moment before speaking again. She turned back to Applejack.
“Say, Applejack, you don’t think it’s a bad idea… everything they said before?”
“Ah don’t know what it is, frankly speaking, Rare — but if Boozey thinks his crew can manage, then Ah’ll believe him. The only reason Ah’m agreeing to it at all is because Granny Smith will be awfully sore if Ah don’t return with a wagon full of bits after missing chores for five or six days straight.” Applejack sniffed nonchalantly and adjusted the burner again. “Course, don’t hurt to make enough bits to purchase a second barn, neither.”
Rarity snickered.
“Right. And if I sell enough dresses, dress orders, and accessories, I’ll have enough work to last until Hearth’s Warming — no, well into the new year!” Rarity twirled around on her backhooves and sighed with pleasure. “Can you picture it, Applejack? An entire repository of fashion with a gem mode? With all the bits I’ll earn — why, I can start a whole package of gemmed apparel for the winter and spring line ups!”
Applejack rolled her eyes.
“Yea yea, sounds like a hoot, Rare. Say — what do ya think Twilight’s up to right now?”
Rarity hummed as if she just remembered something.
“You know, I feel bad but, I almost forgot she had gone away. I suppose she’d be having dinner with some foreign royalty at the moment, discussing international politics and relations or some such.”
Rarity sighed longingly.
“Living the dream, in other words…” she trailed off. Applejack chuckled.
“Ah figured you’d say that, Rare.”