Equivalent of Sunday 17th May 1992, Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville
“And who can forget the time you two got so competitive I managed to beat you at the Running of the Leaves?” Twilight said with a chuckle as Applejack held her head in her hoof.
“Please don’t remind me,” Applejack sighed as Fluttershy tittered from her other side.
Applejack’s normal brown Stetson hat had been replaced with a pink one along with a pink sash with the word BACHELORETTE in silver capital letters written across it. She was also covered in pink glitter for a reason she did not want to recall. Anyway, for her bachelorette, she had decided to just have a quiet house warming weekend reminiscing and relaxing with Fluttershy and Twilight at her and Dash’s new homestead that had only been finished the week before. This also allowed her to still keep an eye on Sweet Apple Acres, although Big Mac had taken on more of her responsibilities so she could have a bit more time for fun and games with Fluttershy and Twilight. She wouldn’t deny they had managed to get through quite a fair amount of alcohol these past three days, but still within their limits and probably nothing compared to Rainbow, Pinkie, Rarity and Luna who had gone to Las Pegasus for Rainbow’s bachelorette.
“Anyway girls, I’d just like to say thank you so much for such a wonderful bachelorette and making time for me. I know it hasn’t been easy for you Twilight since the whole changeling debacle followed up by becoming a princess so unexpectedly, but it means a lot that you could make some time for me when you’ve a country to run,” Applejack said with a smile.
“Oh, Cadence and Shining can handle running things for a few days I’m sure,” Twilight replied. “Besides, seeing Rainbow’s face when I told her that I’d pulled a few strings and had Las Pegasus completely shut down for her for three days for a Royal Engagement was totally worth it.”
“Oh, that was brilliant,” Applejack chuckled heartily. “When you went on to tell her that Luna would also be coming, I’ve never seen a jaw drop lower.”
“S-she certainly seemed surprised,” Fluttershy said timidly sipping from a cocktail with a tiny straw.”
“Yeah, well in truth Luna needed the break. I was fearing even though she’s only been back a few years she was heading the same way as Celestia,” Twilight said solemnly.
“How’s Celestia doing by the way?” Applejack asked the question that she’d wanted to ask all weekend but not had the chance to do so.
“Badly,” Twilight replied not sugar coating her diagnosis slightly. “She’s barely making any sense nowadays and we’ve resorted to keeping her within a straight jacket for her own safety. Some of her only moments of lucidity seem to be when I visit,” Twilight finished with a tear in her eye
“Buck, if I ever see that horror Discord anytime soon, I’ll…”
Applejack never finished her sentence as the doorbell rang.
“Huh, wonder who that could be out here at this late hour?” Applejack said as she rose from her seat and headed for the door.
The last thing she expected to see on her doorstep at ten o’clock at night was Discord in a police officer’s uniform.
“DISCORD!” Applejack exclaimed angrily. “WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?”
Discord ignored the mare’s outburst and held up a boombox which started blaring BOW, BOW, OH YEAH repeatedly while he thrusted his hips back and forth. This only added to the mare’s confusion and anger.
“You’ve got three seconds to explain yourself before I buck you to next week,” the orange earth pony exploded.
“Now, now my dear, that’ll cost you extra,” Discord said before giggling like a school filly and letting out a loud hiccup, swaying a little from side to side.
Applejack’s cheeks started to go a little red. Pinkie and Rainbow had told her they were sending a secret, super-duper special surprise for her bachelorette, but her fiancé wouldn’t have? Would she?
“Name’s Sergeant Stripper and I’m here on behalf of an anonymous tip off from a pink mare who says there are some naughty girls residing here who need to be punished.”
Applejack’s head met her forehoof. She had. How she’d got Discord involved in this debauchery she couldn’t be sure but by the way he was swaying and seemed a little unsteady on his feet, Pinkie Pie had most certainly introduced him to her pink liqueur. The crazy earth pony had claimed that it could get anycreature drunk in thirty minutes or less and she could certainly testify that that was most certainly the truth from her only experience with said liqueur. Solely the thought of said experience made her shudder.
“Now, are you going to let me in or am I going to have to arrest you?” Discord said snapping his fingers.
A set of hoofcuffs appeared in his eagle’s claw and he started to swing them around one of his talons casually.
“Go home Discord, you’re drunk,” Applejack deadpanned preparing to shut the door only to find a pair of hoofcuffs on both her fore and back hooves.
“Tut, tut,” Discord said forcing the door open and levitating the helpless earth pony in front of him. “You have really been a bad girl, haven’t you?” he teased lifting the mare’s face in front of his own.
“You put me down this instant you varmint,” Applejack growled glowering at Discord angrily.
“Oh, um Applejack is everything,” Fluttershy began as she entered the hallway to see what was up. “Oh my!” The Pegasus exclaimed, her wings flaring open.
“Well, I’m glad someone is happy to see me,” Discord said with a wicked smirk stumbling towards the other mare whilst floating Applejack along as he did so.
Unfortunately, due to his inebriation the poor earth pony may have hit a few things along the way.
“Yowch,” Applejack yelped for the seventh time as this time she hit a dresser.
“Oh, quiet you, have you never heard of the right to remain silent,” Discord giggled letting out another hiccup as he snapped his talons and a piece of duct tape covered Applejack’s mouth.
He bent down to Fluttershy’s level before lifting her hoof and kissing it. “Me Lady. I’m sure a beautiful mare such as yourself hasn’t been up to anything naughty that would get you in trouble with Sergeant Stripper, or do your looks deceive my keen eyes.”
“Oh, alas, you’ve caught me, the notorious Flutter Bandit, wanted in every corner of Equestria and beyond. Please Sergeant, a life on the run isn’t one for a fair maiden such as myself, won’t you please bring me to justice,” Fluttershy said over dramatically pretending to swoon as she held her forehooves out in front of herself.
Applejack tried to scream “DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM!” but the tape on her mouth meant it just came out as muffled grunts.
“Oh, I’m sure there is an agreement we can come to that will see the charges dropped,” Discord replied swinging yet another set of hoofcuffs on his fingers as he led Fluttershy back into the lounge of Applejack’s new abode.
*
2 months later…
Applejack stared at the stick in her hoof.
Today was supposed to be the best day of her life and the start of a bright new chapter.
She was going to kill her fiancé.
Then Pinkie.
Then Discord.
*
Monday 18th May, Las Pegasus, Equestria. (WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SECTION CONTAINS SOME BITS THAT ARE A LITTLE LEWD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)
Applejack groaned as she awoke the following morning. Her head throbbed painfully. Where in tarnation was she and why did she also feel sore and sticky down below the belt?
The first thing that her eyes managed to distinguish was Discord sleeping next to her with her pink Stetson atop his head.
That’s when she realised what that sticky substance was. Oh no, Dash was going to…
“Ugh, stop moving, I’ve a mighty hangover and want to sleep it off,” Dash groaned from her other side.
Well that at least solved that problem, Applejack thought to herself, but just what in Equestria. She stopped mid-thought remembering Discord on her doorstep, forcing his way in and oh no. That dreaded pink liqueur. Other jagged and distorted memories flashed across her mind, many she wished that had remained hidden from her forever. “Fucking Discord,” she mumbled to herself.
“Yes, by the looks of it and from what Twilight told me, that is exactly what you were up to last night,” Luna’s voice echoed around the room in a tone that clearly signified she was not at all happy.
Applejack shot up in bed throwing Rainbow from it. The Pegasus landed with a loud thump upon the ground.
“Ow,” Rainbow groaned from the floor forcing herself up off it.
The next thing Luna said was not so pleasant, especially as AJ had a mighty hangover, as the Canterlot voice resonated across the hotel room. “DISCORD, FOR ACTS OF TREASON AGAINST THE STATE AND FOR NOT ADHERING TO YOUR BANISHMENT, I HEARBY SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE IMPRISOMENT IN THE CANTERLOT DUNGEONS. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!”
Guards swarmed the hotel room as Discord shot up alongside Fluttershy, who he was still entangled with, in more ways than one.
“Oh shit,” he muttered before snapping his fingers and instantly disappearing.
“Fucking bastard,” Applejack growled as Luna shot death glares at the three mares.
*
Present day, Sweet Apple Acres Farm House, Sunday July 12th 1992.
Scootaloo glared daggers at Apple Bloom who was clicking wildly with an ancient looking camera whilst desperately trying to withhold her laughter.
Sweetie had already given up and was rolling on the floor in hysterics, whilst Wallace stared at her slightly befuddled by his mistress’s antics.
“I’m going to murder the both of you when this is over,” Scootaloo snarled as Rarity continued to fuss over the purple dress she was wearing along with her mane, which had been straightened and lengthened. The usually spiky mess was now a beautiful free flowing mass of cerise that would have had Hermione drooling, laughing her head off or both, probably both.
“Hold still or this will only take longer,” the fashionista grumbled once more.
“Eugh, you’ve been fussing over minute details for like forever. It is fine Rarity, let me go already, the wedding will be starting soon,” Scootaloo retaliated.
Before Rarity had a chance to retaliate herself, Fluttershy’s timid head poked through the doorway. “Erm, sorry to intrude, but we’ve a problem. Applejack’s locked herself in the washroom and is refusing to come out.”
“I was afraid of this,” Scootaloo sighed jumping of the pedestal she was on much to Rarity’s chagrin. “You three stay here, unless you don’t want a wedding to happen today. Fluttershy, you’re with me,” Scootaloo commanded heading out the door before anyone could stop her, pulling a startled Fluttershy along with her.
“Wait, what just happened?” Apple Bloom said totally baffled as to what had just transpired.
Big Macintosh and Granny Smith were already outside the washroom door trying to calm Applejack down.
“C’mon now Jackie, stop being irrational. I’m sure whatever is wrong we can help you sort it,” Granny Smith said firmly as Scootaloo approached.
“I think it best the two of you leave us be,” Scootaloo said with a sigh.
Granny Smith glowered at Scootaloo. “And what makes you think you can do any better?”
“Well, I would point to my cutie mark right now but it is under my dress. In short, I’m a seer and I know what troubles her.”
“Then why don’t you enlighten us Miss Smarty Pants,” Granny Smith glowered harder at Scootaloo who just ignored her and instead approached the door.
“That would not be fair or right on Applejack. She’ll tell you when she is ready,” Scootaloo said brusquely. “Now, Big Mac, please, trust me. Fluttershy and I will ensure Applejack is walking down the aisle in thirty minutes. You have my word.”
Big Mac stared at the young filly who was acting a lot wiser than he was use to for a moment before simply replying “Eeyup,” and much to Granny Smith’s ire lifted the elderly mare by the scruff of her shawl and walked off and out the front door to take their places for the ceremony.
“Hey, Applejack, it’s Scootaloo here. You may be wondering why I’m here and not one of your family trying to coax you out and well, let me tell you that what I saw during my divination exam was a lot more graphic than anything Mrs Cheerilee ever showed us in Health Class and had even Professor Trelawney blushing. So, you are going to either open this door and talk to me and Fluttershy or I’m going straight to Rainbow Dash to tell her you’re…” Scootaloo never finished as the door clicked open.
“I bucking hate seers,” Applejack groused swinging the door open. “Get the buck in here,” she growled pulling Scootaloo into the washroom who pulled a startled Fluttershy in with her.
“Eep,” Fluttershy squeaked as she flew into the washroom with Scootaloo before the door slammed shut once more.
“Fine, so you know, so what,” Applejack said angrily. “Still doesn’t change matters. How can I possibly look into the love of my life’s eye and tell her I do when I harbour that abomination’s foal or whatever it is.”
“I WILL NOT HAVE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT OUR UNBORN FOALS!” Fluttershy suddenly bellowed thrusting her face into Applejack’s taking the orange earth pony completely by surprise.
“Wait, what?” Applejack said somewhat confused and scared by the look in the enraged Pegasus mare’s eyes.
“Oops, I shouldn’t have said that,” Fluttershy replied flopping down on her rump, her head down and eyes transfixed on her forehooves.
“Wait, he got you pregnant to?” Applejack said sternly before her eyes attempted to bore a hole into the pale-yellow mare. “Tell me the whole truth right now,” she demanded stomping a hoof and snorting.
“B-but Dash will k-kill me,” Fluttershy responded meekly still staring at her hooves.
“NOW!” Applejack said firmly trotting over and taking the other mare’s head in her forehooves before staring furiously into her eyes.
Fluttershy immediately folded. “Me and Dash found out last week,” Fluttershy squeaked rapidly. “She’s been freaking out about it all week not knowing what to do. Why she’s been avoiding you and constantly using the bad luck excuse. Oh crap, I really shouldn’t have told you that.”
It took Applejack a few moments to figure out just what Fluttershy had told her. Her right eye started to twitch. “Are you telling me Discord got all three of us pregnant?”
Fluttershy nodded tears starting to stream from her eyes.
“I’LL FUCKING CASTRATE THE BASTARD!” Applejack roared as she let go of Fluttershy and walked over to the washroom door. She bucked it so hard that it flew off its hinges and across the hall into the wall opposite. Her eyes were actually glowing red she was that mad.
“AJ, please, think of your unborn foal. Stress isn’t good for them,” Fluttershy cooed trying to calm her friend down as Rarity, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom all came running down the stairs.
“CALM! YOU WANT ME TO BE CALM! Where is that pink pony? If I can’t have him, I’ll make do with grinding her into juice.”
“Holy Luna eclipse sis, what’s got you so angry?” Apple Bloom enquired.
“Discord,” Scootaloo deadpanned. “What’s new?”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes as Applejack turned and gave Scootaloo a look that made her shiver uncontrollably.
“Discord, show your face this instant or your darling daughter takes your punishment for you,” Applejack cackled like a maniac.
“Wait, what?” Scootaloo said a little worried as Applejack started to trot towards Scootaloo with a deranged smile across her face.
That was until Fluttershy intervened and placed herself between Scootaloo and Applejack. She stared deeply into Applejack’s eyes. Up until that moment Fluttershy had never thought she would be forced to use the stare on one of her best friends.
Slowly Applejack came back to her senses and she slumped back onto her rump shaking her head. “What am I saying?” she exclaimed before looking around Fluttershy at the frightened cowering filly. “Scootaloo, I’m so, so, sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Your pregnant, I get it, hormones. That’s something Mrs Cheerilee did teach us,” Scootaloo replied slowly regaining her confidence. “Congratulations by the way, but please, not again. If I wasn’t mentally scarred enough already, I now have to live with the image of you going cowgirl with Discord amongst others. I never knew there could be so many disturbing ways to use whipped cream and cucumbers.”
Scootaloo shuddered as Applejack’s orange face slowly turned to that of a colour more commonly associated with apples.
“Wait, can someone please tell me what is going on?” Apple Bloom yelled from the stairs.
Scootaloo looked at Applejack who nodded in acceptance.
“You’re going to be an auntie. Applejack and Dash are both pregnant. Discord’s possibly the father although considering what I saw, they may have fathered each other’s foals,” Scootaloo stated bluntly. “Oh, and Discord also knocked up Fluttershy for good measure as well.”
“WAIT WHAT!” Applejack exclaimed eyes going wide as Rarity dropped in a dead faint. “You’re not telling me what I think you’re telling me?”
“Yeah, you drunk idiots challenged each other to see who…” Scootaloo began.
“Nope, no one needs to hear that,” Applejack exclaimed shoving a hoof into Scootaloo’s mouth as a certain memory flooded back into the forefront of her mind. Then she hastily hissed into Scootaloo’s ear, “Keep quiet and I’ll treat you to a shot of our finest apple whisky as it’s a special occasion later, deal?”
“Well, I need something to drive those memories out of my mind,” Scootaloo grumbled in reply. “You might also want to talk to Bloom. I think she’s finding this bit of news a little hard to take in,” she added pointing at her dumbstruck friend across from her as Sweetie cackled mercilessly on the floor next to Apple Bloom.
“Auntie Apple Bloom,” Sweetie wheezed. “Oh, my word. That’s hilarious.”
*
Amazingly, after all the revelations, how much makeup needed to be reapplied and her necessary talk with her sister, Applejack was still ready for Big Macintosh to walk her down the aisle in just a little over thirty minutes later.
The wedding itself was taking place out in the apple orchard and the Pegasi had done a wonderful job in clearing the clouds for the ceremony. Dash in particular had been working super hard the past week, even if she may have had an ulterior motive for doing so.
“You ready?” Big Mac asked his little sister.
“Eeyup,” Applejack replied with a grin lifting her right forehoof. Although She’d forced Dash to wear a dress, she’d also opted for one herself over a tux. It had been a secret dream of hers ever since she was a little filly that she would make herself look pretty for once in her life if she ever met her special somepony. She’d never thought it would come so soon, but Dash really did complete her.
“You know sis I’m one of few words, but I want you to know that you are beautiful. I’m sure mum and dad are looking down on you today with huge smiles across their faces. They would be awfully proud of how much you’ve grown,” Big Macintosh said with a tear welling in his eye.
Tears started to form in Applejack’s eyes to before she rubbed them away. “Now, don’t you go and make me ruin my makeup again you great oaf, Rarity would kill me.”
“Eeyup,” her brother replied simply getting a small chuckle from his sister.
“Come on, I better not keep Dash waiting any longer. She’s the literal definition of impatient,” Applejack said entwining her hoof with her brothers as music started to play.
As Rainbow Dash caught her first sight of her bride, she would have happily admitted that for once she was completely lost for words and that she would have happily have waited a lifetime for this moment.
“Like what you see?” Applejack teased as she reached the podium.
Dash just continued to stare for a moment more before saying softly, “Beautiful, just beautiful. Like flying over a field of flowers on the first day of spring.”
Applejack started to blush before Luna brought them both back to reality with a cough.
“If you don’t mind, I feel it would be best if we began?”
“Oh, of course,” Rainbow Dash stammered trying to clear her head as Applejack tittered at how much her appearance had shaken her fiancé up.
“Excellent. Hello everypony and welcome to this momentous occasion where Lady Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, and Lady Applejack Apple, Element of Honesty, shall be united in Celestial matrimony. Per Applejack’s and Rainbow’s request, they have decided on a short ceremony which shall then be followed by an all-day celebration of their love for one another here in the orchard,” Luna called out across the gathered guests, some of which already had tears in their eyes, Big Macintosh and Rainbow’s parents the most notable of these. “To begin I’d just like to say that despite my sister not being well enough to attend this ceremony today, as with all her ponies she, along with our mother Faust, watches down from above and gives her blessing on this marriage. Love is a special bond and takes many forms. What Applejack and Rainbow share here is one of the most special forms as unlike say that between a mother and her child, theirs is something that originally started as a friendship that had to be nourished and nurtured to grow into something more. I’m proud at what they’ve achieved and developed together over such a short period of time and how they’ve shown that no matter what, love has no boundaries and doesn’t distinguish between sex, creature, size, colour, cutie mark or anything else. Now, without further ado, both mares have arranged a special speech for one another after which I shall ask if there are any objections to this marriage before legally binding these two forever more. Now, who would like to go first?”
“I would,” Applejack said immediately, causing a look of confusion on her bride’s face. In all their practices it had been Rainbow who had always done her speech first.
Luna looked a little taken aback by this sudden alteration to the schedule but soon regained her composure. “As you wish, you may proceed.”
“Rainbow, I had a whole speech I had written out for you that around half an hour ago I chucked in the bin.”
Rainbow looked at Applejack slightly worried, but Applejack pushed on anyway.
“Why, because things change and that’s what I love about you most. Your spontaneous nature and drive to keep pushing yourself and others to be the best they can be and never letting two days be the same. If I say I’ve done an awesome job in the orchard bucking one hundred trees, you’ll challenge me to buck hundred and ten next time. Yes, it took me a while to come to terms with my feelings, but when I did, I knew then and there that there was no pony else that could make me feel the way I do about you. I can’t wait to share my life with you and the foals that that plonker Discord has given both of us, because yes Rainbow, I am pregnant to and by this time next year we shall be a happy little family of four,” Applejack finished as the audience gasped with shock.
Luna looked like she was about to have a stroke.
Rainbow Dash just stared at Applejack for a moment before she let the tears flow from her eyes. “Best wedding gift ever,” she sniffled wiping a hoof across her muzzle. “I’m guessing Fluttershy finally broke and told you.”
“After a little persuasion from your little sister and after I’d just found out about myself. If it wasn’t for Scootaloo I would still be locked in Sweet Apple Acres washroom. Apparently, her Divination exam was quite revealing,” Applejack deadpanned.
Rainbow’s eyes went wide for a moment before she let out her trademark laugh. “Oh, my word, I’m unsure whether to feel sorry for her or laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation.”
“How about I bill you for the therapy I’m going to need!” Scootaloo heckled from where she was sat. “I knew you were flexible, but that was ridiculous!”
Rainbow Dash’s face started to match the red streak in her hair as Applejack giggled.
“Never have I seen you so lost for words as today.”
“Well, I’d like to see how you’d have reacted if it was Apple Bloom who’d seen what we got up to,” Rainbow retorted.
Applejack’s eyes flashed open for a moment before returning to normal as she deadpanned, “Good point. Now is there anything else you’d like to say or shall we just get on with it?”
“Just that I love you with all my heart and will, no matter what, through good times and bad, always be there for you and our unborn bundles of chaos.”
Applejack blushed as she replied, “Don’t remind me. Raising a foal is hard enough but two, possibly with goodness knows what chaotic abilities is going to be a nightmare.”
Rainbow chuckled, “shotgun not on nappy duty.”
“Oh no you don’t. We are both going to do our fair share, but first, I believe we’ve a wedding to finish. Luna if you’d please.”
Luna was simply staring at them while mumbling over and over again. “Two more beings of chaos, two more beings of chaos…”
“Uh oh, think we broke our officiator,” Rainbow Dash said somewhat concerned. “Although technically it is three, he also knocked up Fluttershy.”
“Why’d you tell her that now doofus,” Applejack scolded as Luna suddenly disappeared.
The next thing the two mares heard was a distant primal roar of shear unadulterated frustration that sounded a lot like Oh for Celestia’s sake before Luna reappeared looking somewhat calmer even if she did now sport a rather unnerving smile.
“Sorry about that. Now, where were we?” Luna said casually as if nothing had happened.
Applejack and Rainbow looked anxiously at each other as Luna continued.
“Ah yes. If any pony or dragon here sees any reason that these two mares cannot be bound in Celestial matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Nobody said a word, partly due to the fact they were still reeling from and trying to come to terms with the bombshell that had just been dropped upon them.
“Excellent. Then, do you, Rainbow Dash, take Applejack Apple to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and to hold her, from this day forward, in good times and bad, for richer and for poorer, and in sickness and in health, until death do you part.”
“I do,” Rainbow Dash replied solemnly. “With all my heart, I do.”
“Then please place one of the rings around her hoof,” Luna instructed pointing to two rings that sat in boxes in front of her.
Rainbow Dash did as she was instructed as Applejack held out her right forehoof.
“Excellent. Applejack Apple, the same applies. Do you take Rainbow Dash to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and to hold her, from this day forward, in good times and bad, for richer and for poorer, and in sickness and in health, until death do you part.”
“I do,” Applejack replied picking up the other ring and placing around Rainbow’s right foreleg.
“Then, by the power vested in me as one of the rulers of our great nation I declare you wife and wife. May Faust watch over you from this day forth. You may kiss each other.
Rainbow needed no further invitation as she launched herself at Applejack who caught her wife in her hooves and passionately locked her muzzle to that of Rainbow’s.
Huge cheers and clapping arose from the spectators in attendance.
*
The celebrations went on for the entire day and included a quiz run by Pinkie Pie, speeches, party games, food and drink (which involved a lot of apple-based delicacies), dancing and even karaoke! It certainly would have been the most memorable event of the year if not for a princess’s wedding earlier in the year and, unsurprisingly, the Crusaders were at the heart of everything.
They’d stunned Twilight by, with the help of Granny Smith and Big Macintosh, beating her and her team by one point in the quiz. This might have had something to do with Scootaloo foreseeing the correct answers in her dreams. Then, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom had given a joint speech that may have ended early after they started recalling the first time they realised Applejack and Rainbow might have been more than friends. It was the same story that involved the first time Scootaloo heard Rainbow use the F word. After that there were party games and dancing with music provided by DJ Pon 3 and Octavia with the Crusaders once again besting Twilight this time at Charades whilst Scootaloo won at Twister. Out of everything that went on, the first dance between Rainbow and Applejack was probably one of the standout moments of the lot with the other coming right at the end of evening after Sweetie Belle had bested everyone at karaoke. The girl had only been more than happy to throw her success in her friends faces as Rainbow, who had removed her dress by this point, had shot off into the air and caused a beautiful sonic rainboom across the night’s sky. A fitting end to the perfect day.
“You three ready to go? You know I can’t be here for too long,” Discord’s voice called behind the three girls as they stared up at the brightly lit night sky in awe and wonder.
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m no longer going to throw you in the dungeons. In fact, I’m renouncing your banishment,” Luna’s voice cooed in a sickly-sweet tone behind the draconequus making him gulp and slowly turn round.
“And what might I ask have I done to warrant such a pardon?” Discord asked not wanting to hear the answer.
“Oh, nothing much. Just possibly got three mares pregnant is all,” Luna replied in the same sickly-sweet tone as she handed Discord a piece of paper. “As it states in Equestrian law, a stallion is responsible for any children they sire up and until the age of eighteen. Failure to do so will see said stallion forced to work for the crown until such time arises. Watching you raise at least one and possibly three children of Chaos will also be much more fun than any punishment I could possibly conspire. Or, if you’d prefer, I could hire you as my personal toilet unblocker,” Luna cackled maniacally. “Oh, and I also think said mares would like a word.”
In his long-life Discord could count the moments he had been truly afraid on one paw or claw. This was one of those moments.
“Discord, we need to chat,” Applejack growled from behind the draconequus.
Scootaloo, Apple Bloom and Sweetie all couldn’t help but giggle as an ashen faced Discord turned and stared at the angry mare. Fluttershy was timidly hiding behind her.
“Oh crap,” he simply muttered before looking at his wrist where a multitude of wristwatches had appeared. “Well, will you look at the time,” he said chuckling nervously.
“Oh no…” Applejack began but never finished as Discord snapped two of his eagle talons together.
A blinding light engulfed the group and when it finally dispersed Discord and the CMC were gone. Where Discord had previously stood now resided three massive bags of bits along with a note attached.
“Coward,” Applejack grumbled walking over and picking up the rather generic note.
Congratulations on being the bearer of a child of chaos. The following bits will help you in the beginning of a wonderful journey full of surprise, joy and quite probably insanity. Once you have got over the shock of your gift from the God of Chaos himself, he shall personally visit and talk to you about what raising a child of chaos will be like. In truth, not even Discord knows just what your child will be like as every child is different. The joy of chaos! YAY! Anything and everything is truly possible. If you are unhappy with your gift then please direct your anger upon a certain pink pony. How was I to know that pink maniac friend of yours was a descendant of one of my prior offspring and could not only get me drunk with that liqueur of hers but hypnotise me to! Congratulations on the wedding by the way, you two make a cute couple!
Discord
Applejack looked up from the chaotic note. “Where’s that pink mare,” she growled.
Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen or found.
Rainbow Dash chuckled having just landed beside her wife. “Give it up already AJ. Even me, Captain Oblivious, has noticed how much you’ve missed having Apple Bloom around this past year and those looks you’ve given other young families when we’ve been walking out and about in town. Yes, it may be earlier than we’d have liked and I think we can both say it is definitely not how we’d liked it to have happened, but rather than look at the negatives I say we look at what has happened as a blessing, because nothing could be more awesome than starting a family with you. And who knows? The foals could both be ours! Something I would have never have predicted even in my wildest dreams,” Dash finished by booping AJ on the nose with one of her forehooves.
“Do I even want to ask how that’s biologically possible?” Luna sighed giving the newly married couple an inquisitive glance as Applejack’s cheeks started to glow red again.
“One hour thirty-seven minutes to twelve and that was only the first time,” Rainbow retorted as Applejack’s cheeks started to glow even redder.
“RAINBOW!” the earth pony exclaimed as Luna burst out laughing.
Dash did likewise.
“You deserve a medal of honour just for surviving that long! An earth stallion’s stamina is supposedly legendary in bed but that’s taking the cake,” Luna exclaimed in between guffaws much to Applejack’s embarrassment.
“Don’t I know it, I had to fly pretty much everywhere for a whole week afterwards my legs were so weak and I could barely sit down my rump was that sore!” Dash enlightened Luna.
“RAINBOW!” Applejack screamed in utter embarrassment for a second time.
“Oh, Lady Applejack, you needn’t be so embarrassed. Mating is a natural part of any pony’s life, especially with a stallion or mare we hold close to our hearts. Why, just this afternoon I myself had a wonderful encounter with this changeling queen. Proved just what I needed to get out of my latest bi-centennial breakdown,” a voice suddenly cooed from just behind Applejack making her turn in astonishment.
She came face to face with Princess Celestia who was levitating a tightly trussed up and completely out of it Chrysalis in front of her.
“Sorry I’m late. I hope the wedding went without a hitch while me and Cadence dealt with the changeling advance,” the older monarch said calmly as she dumped Chrysalis unceremoniously on the floor. She had also acquired a glass of champagne and a slice of cake from somewhere as well.
“Sister. This is a surprise. I did not in my wildest dreams think you would be feeling well enough to attend,” Luna blurted out taken totally by surprise by her sister’s sudden appearance.
“Oh, I was completely out of it. Then this despicable creature got into my chamber and tried to poison me. That seemed to knock some sense into me, or rather the bedpost that fell atop my head during the struggle. Alas, despite my best efforts, in my weakened state she was slowly getting the better of me and I honestly thought it was finally my time to join our mother. Then, in a final act of desperation my magic grasped hold of old faithful under my bed and rammed it up her…”
“SISTER!” Luna roared. “YOU DIDN’T. Please tell me you didn’t?”
“Dragon,” Chrysalis slurred.
“You, you really did. Only you could prevent a war by fucking the opposition leaders brains out,” Luna muttered under her breath.
“Well, what was I supposed to do? Let her poison me,” Celestia retorted overhearing her sister. “Our spies have already informed us that the changelings have access to poisons even we might not be immune to. Changelings feed on love so I overfed Chrysalis and pacified her, simple, unless you’d like the extended version?”
“NO!” Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Luna all screamed as one.
“Thought so. Oh well, your loss. Anyway, by doing so, I inadvertently halted changeling advances across Equestria. Changelings have a hive mentality as we all know. With their queen pacified they simply all stopped what they were doing and it proved easy to round them all up and imprison them. War adverted, time for celebratory prosecco and cake!” Celestia finished with a wide smile lifting up the glass in her hoof.
“I can’t believe my sister saved Equestria by literally fucking the enemy,” Luna sighed her head hitting her hoof as Celestia took a sip of her champagne before congratulating the married couple.
“Now, I can’t stay long, I’ve got to get Chrysalis here into a nice, cosy cell in Tartarus where she’s out of reach of her drones. I just wanted to pop by and hand you my wedding gift.” She proceeded to levitate across a framed certificate of some sort to Applejack along with a book.
By this point Applejack’s face couldn’t go any redder in embarrassment but it somehow did. Rainbow, reading the framed certificate over her wife’s shoulder dropped to the floor in utter hysterics. It read:
Equestrian After Dark World Record!
This certificate hereby recognises that one:
Applejack Apple-Dash
Has achieved the Equestrian record for longest ever continuous buck by a stallion before climax, one hour thirty-seven minutes and twenty-three seconds. Congratulations on your achievement!
Percy Vert, Equestrian After Dark World Record Division
“Discord filed for the record for you. Sorry it has taken so long to get to you, the evidence had to be adjudicated,” Celestia said casually as she took another sip of champagne. “Even I’ve got to admit that’s mighty impressive Mrs Apple-Dash although I’d strongly recommend not messing about with such magic in the future as it can often have peculiar side effects.”
“Like increased chance of impregnation?” Applejack deadpanned choosing to ignore the fact that there was evidence of her bucking Rainbow’s brains out for over an hour and a half out there somewhere.
“Correct, that’s often a common side effect. Wait, are you telling me?” Celestia queried her eyes briefly betraying her surprise at receiving such news.
“Eeeyup, both of us. But, even if it is earlier in our lives than we would have liked, it’s also something we had never thought possible and are really looking forward to,” Applejack admitted as her eyes turned to her wife who was slowly forcing herself up from the floor and wiping a tear of laughter from her eye. “Although someone is going to have to grow up fast or will constantly be punished with nappy duty.”
“Hey, I’m totally mature enough to look after my foal,” Rainbow retorted sticking her tongue at Applejack.
Applejack just rolled her eyes turning her attention back to Celestia for a moment with a clear message, Seriously?
“I think the term you are looking for Lady Applejack is; Celestia help me?” Celestia tittered upon seeing the mare’s face. “Anyway, congratulations to the both of you again on your wedding and your future lives together with your foals. Now, I hate to cut our conversation short but I must get Chrysalis here to Tartarus before her love high wears off and then I need to have a long talk with Twilight about the whole accidental ascension thing. Please though keep me informed of any developments via letter,” Celestia added, her voice taking on a much more sincere tone as she opened a portal to Tartarus.
“Will do Princess, will do,” Applejack replied with a smile as their benevolent ruler disappeared from view.
As she stood there watching the dying embers of yet another perfect day on Sweet Apple Acres with her precious Rainbow, her newly acquired wife unsurprisingly just had to go and spoil it.
“So, seeing as it is our wedding night, want to try for some of the mare records in that new book of yours?” Rainbow said with a wicked grin behind her before placing a slow, seductive kiss on her cheek.
Luna, slowly getting over the shock of her sister seemingly back to normal once more, immediately drop to the floor laughing uncontrollably as Applejack’s face, which had slowly been losing its red tinge of embarrassment, went redder than ever.