“Pharynx?” Thorax entered the room he shared with his mate. Pharynx was lying in their bed, staring blankly at the opposite wall. “P-Phary?”
“Don’t call me that.” Pharynx said quietly
Thorax walked over, lying beside him. “Sorry…”
“Get off.”
“Phar, please-”
“I knew this was a mistake.” Pharynx murmured
“W-What? Cuddlebug-”
“No.” Pharynx snapped. “Don’t bucking call me that.”
Thorax froze, wiping his eyes. “But…”
“But nothing!” Pharynx turned on him, eyes cold. “If we hadn’t made that stupid mistake this wouldn’t have happened! If we hadn’t done this everything would be okay!”
“If we hadn’t done what we did they wouldn’t exist!” Thorax shouted out in response. Pharynx froze, stiffening, and Thorax placed a hoof around him. “Phar, I-I’m sorry… I just… it had to be said…”
Pharynx closed his eyes, then leaned into his mate. Thorax held him tightly.
“I’m sorry Thorax… I just…” Pharynx buried his head in Thorax’s shoulder. “I…”
“Yes?” Thorax asked softly, rubbing his back.
“...I miss her…”
Thorax’s eyes filled with tears, and he hugged Pharynx close. “I miss her too.”
The two of them held each other, crying softly. As they did, Pharynx’s antlers glowed. He took a framed photo that was sitting on the bedside table and laid it face-down on the table. Pharynx then clutched Thorax tighter.
“Come on Phar… it’s almost time…” Thorax whispered
“No… Thor, I can’t…”
“We have to.” Thorax kissed his mate on the forehead. “It’s okay. I’ll be beside you the whole time, I promise.”
Pharynx wiped his eyes, then nodded. “O-Okay… l-let’s go…”
Thorax smiled softly at him, taking his hoof. Pharynx gave him a small smile back, then stood up. Thorax joined him, nuzzling his mate. The two royal changelings then headed towards a door across from the bed. Thorax opened it to reveal a short passageway.
Pharynx closed his eyes, drinking in the musty, sweet scent of a hallway filled with love. He felt himself slipping back, into days long past.
“-----, I had a nightmare… c-can I sleep here?”
“Of course you can, come here, it’s okay.”
“I love you -----.”
“I love you too ------.”
“Phar?” Thorax’s voice pulled him back to the present. Pharynx sighed and looked up at him.
“S-Sorry, I just… got distracted. Let’s go.” Pharynx said, voice cracking slightly. Thorax nuzzled him gently.
“It’s okay. Take all the time you need, cuddlebug.”
Pharynx barely reacted to the nickname that time. He merely pressed against Thorax, closing his eyes as they walked. He felt the passageway open up again, and looked around. Pharynx smiled softly, his chest aching.
“Can’t catch me -----!”
“Oh, I will!”
“Or I will!”
“Eek! ----!”
Pharynx didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt a sob creeping up his throat. He opened his eyes and looked around the room before them. It contained a couple chairs, a bookcase, a dresser, and two beds. Stars and constellations had been painstakingly painted on the ceiling, which Pharynx could see were beginning to fade. He closed his eyes again, remembering.
“-Unafraid of the unknown, because I’ll face it all with you.”
“S-Sing it again -----?”
“I will tomorrow. You need to sleep right now.”
“Okay… goodnight -----, goodnight ----. I love you.”
Pharynx choked on a sob, the bitterness of his pain filling his mouth as the next memory came.
“I can’t believe this! You two are shameful excuses for leaders!”
“That’s enough! Stay away from my mate and get out of here! You may not like it but we are your leaders, you will respect us!”
“Respect? As if I’d ever show a bucking gay incestuous couple respect! You two sinners are going to Tartarus for what you’ve done!”
“Get out!”
“Don’t need to tell me twice! I’m telling the rest of the Hive!”
…
“Thor? Hey, Thor, shh, it’s okay, come here.”
“B-But it’s only going to get worse… w-when --- ---- -----.”
“I know. But we’ll get through it. I’ll protect you. Always. I love you Thorax.”
“I love you too Pharynx.”
“Phar?” he heard Thorax ask. He looked over at the taller changeling. “Are you okay sweetie?”
“We did this…” Pharynx whispered, voice breaking. “If we had just been more careful… th-they wouldn’t have… she wouldn’t have…”
“We couldn’t have done anything cuddlebug.” Thorax kissed Pharynx gently on the cheek. “It was going to happen at some point, you know that.”
“B-But… we could have talked to them. T-Told them ourselves rather than it being a rumor that-”
“Pharynx, look at me.” Thorax lifted his chin. “It wouldn’t have changed anything, you know it wouldn’t have. They would have still found out. We would have still gone through that. We’d still be standing here, having this conversation…” Thorax trailed off, eyes watering.
“I-I know… but I just… I can’t stop thinking about how… we could have stopped it…”
“I know.” Thorax kissed his forehead gently. “I do too…”
Pharynx wiped at his eyes, sniffling. Thorax pulled him close, and they walked the rest of the way into the room.
“----?” Thorax called quietly.
A green nymph with red accents looked up from one of the beds. He was wrapped in blankets, a book lying on the floor by the bed. He rubbed his eyes.
“I-Is it…?”
Thorax nodded. The nymph got up and walked to them, tail lowered and dragging on the floor dejectedly. Pharynx sighed as he looked at the nymph. This wasn’t right.
“Come and get me ------!”
“I will ----!”
“Heheh, I’ll get you both!”
“Hehehe! No! Run ------!”
“I am ‘----!”
Pharynx watched Thorax pick the nymph up, and head for the door. Pharynx took one last glance around the room, then took a deep breath and followed them. He closed the door to the room, leaving it swallowed in the darkness.
Thorax led him through one of the hallways of the changeling Hive. One Pharynx knew all too well. He found himself biting back more tears as they walked by a certain corner of the hallway. Pharynx stopped, staring at it blankly. He felt Thorax lay a hoof over him and the nymph’s forelegs wrapped around his neck. He barely registered them, once again caught in a tangle of emotions and memories.
“No! No, please!”
“You monsters! Mistakes! You shouldn’t be here!”
“Time to say goodbye, freaks!”
“NO!”
“------!”
Pharynx folded his ears back against his head, overcome with emotion. Hot, wet, salty tears spilled down his face.
“Get away from them!”
“Stay away from --- ------!”
“Fine! Damage’s been done anyway!”
“W-What does he-”
“Oh shit! ------!”
“------! ---, come back!”
Pharynx cried. Hard. He could hear Thorax talking to him, but he couldn’t understand. He didn’t understand anything anymore. Why did life have to be so cruel? Why couldn’t they have had more time? Maybe if they’d been more careful… if they’d tried harder to keep quiet… if only…
“It’s not fair…” Pharynx whispered, feeling Thorax rubbing his back gently. “It’s not bucking fair.”
“I know Phar…”
“We should have had more time!” Pharynx snarled, pulling away from Thorax and storming down the hallway. He screwed his eyes shut as another memory overtook him.
“Haha! Pinned you, ‘----!”
“I’ll get you next time!”
“You wish! Did I do good, -----?”
“You did great, you’ll be a warrior in no time, both of you will be.”
“Like you, -----?”
“Just like me.”
Pharynx couldn’t take it. He knew what fit in those blank spaces, knew what the words were. But every time he thought they would enter his mind with the others, they came muted. Muffled. Filled his head with a buzzing sound. He couldn’t hear them.
Pharynx glared at any changeling he passed by. For once, he didn’t care if they saw the tears that were streaming down his face. They deserved to see it. It was their fault. In fact, he might as well let them know.
He stopped, standing stock still. He then whipped around, noticing a large crowd had gathered at the sight of him. Good. They should all hear it.
“You want to know why I’m crying?!” Pharynx shouted, drawing their attention. “Are you here to beat me while I’m down?! Go ahead! Take your shot! But this is your fault!”
Murmurs swept through the crowd. Pharynx’s hoof came down on the ground.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about! You did this to me and you know it! If you hadn’t bucking ruined everything she’d still be here! We’d still be happy!”
“We’re better off without the spawn of Tartarus…” a changeling at the front of the crowd muttered.
“Don’t you dare start that shit!” Pharynx snarled, grabbing the changeling in his magic and growling at him. “She was perfect, don’t any of you dare say otherwise, or I’ll kill you! I bucking will!”
Shocked whispers came now, and Pharynx tasted fear. Then, suddenly…
“I want you two to remember something very important about being a warrior. No matter what, we never kill innocent creatures.”
“Why not -----?”
“Because then we’d be no better than the villains our kind used to be. We’d be no better than the villains we’re trying to protect the innocent from.”
“Have you ever killed, -----?”
“...Once.”
“Who was it?”
“Someone… who didn’t deserve it. It made me sick.”
…
“Promise you won’t ever again, -----? I don’t like it when you’re sad.”
“I promise, -- ------ ------- ----. I won’t ever kill anyone again.”
“Good. I love you -----.”
“I love you too, ------.”
Pharynx couldn’t even be sure what had triggered it. But he didn’t care. Tears still dripping down his face, he released the changeling. He staggered backwards, but continued to glare at the changelings watching him.
“Psychopathic.”
“Insane.”
“It’s because he’s gay for his brother.”
“He should never have transformed, that’s when it started.”
“They were all better off dead. Just like h-”
“Shut up!” Pharynx yelled, silencing the whispers. “Don’t you dare. Talk crap about me all you want, but don’t you bucking dare insult her. Call me insane, call me crazy, but you know what?!”
He was met with silence.
“...I’d do it all again. In an instant.” The words shocked him too. But his heart told him what to do. He continued on, speaking without really hearing what he was saying. “I’d make the same choices, all over again. Even if I knew it would end this way. Because I cherished every minute of it.”
Pharynx then turned and walked away. He couldn’t believe what he had just said. He didn’t even know where it came from. The words just… felt right.
Now that he thought about it, they were true. He would do it all again. Even if he knew the outcome would be the same. That they would find out the truth, that they’d ostracize and outcast their own leaders. That she’d…
Pharynx choked back a sob, wiping at his eyes, even though he knew it was worthless. The tears kept coming. Then, he felt a warm hoof around his shoulders. Thorax. Pharynx leaned into him, sobbing.
“Let it out cuddlebug.” Thorax kissed his forehead. “You need this, I shouldn’t have pushed you, you clearly weren’t ready just yet.”
“N-No, Thorax, I-”
“Please Phar. You’ve been strong for us. Let us be strong for you.” Thorax murmured
“I…” Pharynx buried his head in Thorax’s chest. “I just can’t… it was my fault…”
“It wasn’t, cuddlebug.” Thorax held him tight.
“B-But if I had only got there faster…”
“I know… both of us could have…”
“No.” the nymph stepped forwards, and Pharynx looked down at him. “You couldn’t have done more. You know it wasn’t anyone’s fault but their’s. You did everything you could.”
“B-But-”
“Face it.” the nymph reared up to be closer to his head. “She’s gone, through none of our fault. She made her own choice, and… and we have to accept that.”
Pharynx wiped at his eyes again, giving the nymph a slight smile. “H-How’d you get so smart?”
“I-I had some great teachers.” he said, blushing. Pharynx picked him up, holding him close.
“I love you...” Pharynx whispered. “Both of you.”
“We love you too Pharynx.” Thorax held him tightly. “Are you ready now?”
Pharynx rubbed his eyes and sighed. “Y-Yeah… I’m ready Thor. Are you?”
“Yes, I am.” Thorax said, taking a breath. “Let’s go.”
Pharynx nodded, and they straightened up. The small group of three then began to walk away from the Hive, heading for a shady looking glen beyond it.