Showtime Bits: Captain Literal's Tour
"Hi and welcome to PVS offices!" Captain Literal greets the group of excited ponies and bronies that you are squished into waiting for your tour of a large office building. "I am Captain Literal, the creative mind behind that amazing OC, Captain Literal, you all know and love! Today, I am going to be your guide on a tour through our offices!"
Grins and happy yammering rises from the group, which dies down as your guide continues the introduction. "You are going to get a behind-the-scenes look at how we make the material, props, all the things that make up the show!"
Reaching behind himself, Captain Literal draws out a sheaf of papers. "Now before we enter, I need you to sign these waivers, protecting us from a liability if you are injured."
He hands the waivers out to the group. As you receive yours, you quickly read though the cluttered, three page document. There is stuff about death, dismemberment, and even being turned into a cloud on the page.
"Now before you start asking about safety, I guarantee you that this tour is in no danger of harm." An explosion resounds from within the building, followed by a scream of pain. A sheepish grin appears on the Captain's face.
"Ignore that," he says.
You all sign the forms, then return them. After all the documents are turned in, he smiles and places a hand on the handle to the building, and smiles at the group. "Is everyone ready?"
"Yes!" Everyone calls out, he takes the cue and opens the door.
"Welcome to PVS Offices!"
You all enter to find that the space inside is huge! The ceiling vaults up fifty feet, and the different departments are separated by sturdy looking fifteen foot high walls. Different forms of transportation litter the place, ranging from go-carts to jetpacks. All sorts of various beings, ponies, humans, griffons, etc... all can be seen moving about busily. Sounds of different activities permeate the air throughout the building.
"This where the magic happens. Now everyone get on the tour tram, car, bus, thingy!" He motions towards a tram that is floating a foot off the ground with a retractable stairs reaching the floor. Oohs, and ahhs, can be heard from your group as they board the flying tram. The Captain hops into the driver's chair as everyone else finds a seat. On either side of you sit a rather talkative mare, and a tall quiet brony. You try to ignore the earth pony as she babbles ceaselessly about how awesome this is.
After fumbling with controls and a reference to a book titled 'Flying Trams For Dummies', the Captain gets your group on their way. The guide's questionable flying skills shake the craft during the flight, earning worried looks from the many pegasus passing by. The Captain's voice crackles over the speakers in the tram, "Don't worry folks, I know what I'm doing! Now how do you land this thing..?"
The tram begins to to spin uncontrollably, then it miraculously rights itself as you narrowly evade the ground. You feel slightly dizzy, your vision spinning as the speakers say, "Sorry, wrong button. We are now stopping in Research and Development, or R&D."
You feel an uneasy twist in your stomach as the tram shakily makes it's way down to land in the open space. It settles with a thud, allowing you and the other passengers to hasten off it. The guide hops out of the tram, and waits for the rest of the group to offload. After everyone assembles, you, along with the rest of the group mob up in front of the entrance to R&D.
"This is were we make all those amazing stunts possible! Literally!" The Captain announces. You all enter what is currently a large room with a strange contraption in the center of it. Ponies and humans in lab coats move from various control panels and make adjustments to the machine. Twilight Sparkle sits at what appears to be the main controls.
"Hey Twilight," your guide calls out to the bookish mare," how is your latest project going?"
She turns to the group with a smile and responds, "Oh, great! The Superconductive Inter-dimensional Transponder, otherwise known as S.I.T., should be working soon."
You don't understand what she just said (unless you're one of those kind of nerds), by the looks of things, neither did Captain Literal. A hoof rises up in your group, which Twilight acknowledges.
A stallion's voice asks, "what does it do?"
Twilight smiles as she replies. "I'm glad you asked, it allows us to accurately access individuals in other dimensional planes, then creates a link using wormhole technology to effectively transport them here. Dr. Whooves was getting tired of bringing our guests, so we are currently working on adapting TARDIS technology to suit the needs of the show."
Your group stare at her in blank confusion. After reading your expressions, she sighs heavily and explains, "It allows us to bring guest to the show."
You all let out an 'Ohhhh' as the group understands. Your guide smiles sheepishly as he addresses you.
"Thanks Twilight, now let's move on! Everypony say bye to Twilight!" He motions back to the tram, which is now occupied by a driver that hopefully knows what he is doing. You all say goodbye and board the vehicle, some less assuredly than others. As you do, you hear somepony cry out.
"Wait don't push that button!" A bright flash erupts from the area, followed by a bunch of snowmen wielding snow shovels and ice picks emerge, all heading towards the writing department. Twilight burst from the room, accompanied by a group of scientists, yelling in alarm. "Quickly! Warn the writers department! We have to head them off before they reach Crazy Tim's room!"
The tram lifts off smoothly this time, bringing sighs of relief from several of the riders. The Captain's voice sounds from the speakers, announcing, "well, next stop is the testing department on our exciting tour!"
The tram makes it's way across the airspace towards the testing area. You all glimpse out, only to see what looks like a war zone! The tram lands behind a damaged blast shield, which is perforated with tiny shards of metal. You all disembark the vehicle and huddle together in front of the Captain. A few of the riders glance about fearfully.
"This is where we test out equipment to make sure it is safe," He is interrupted by an explosion and someone yelling, "My leg!"
He pauses for a moment then continues. "Erm, safe enough. Anyhoo, let's go see what is being tested now!"
He starts walking towards a ledge protected by another wall of safety glass, where Rainbow Dash stands at a control panel. She turns around as your guide greets her. "Hi Rainbow Dash! What are you testing?"
"Oh hey everypony! We are testing a lemonade making ray that Pinkie Pie is sure she can make work. But so far the lemonade it makes just explodes." She replies with a smile.
She then turns back to the control panel and speaks into the intercom, "Okay Darkened! Ready to test this thing?"
You look out the window, spying out the poor OC in the center of the testing area, with the device in hoof. He yells out, "Are you sure this is safe!?" You can't see his expression from this distance, but you can tell he is nervous.
"Yes it is one hundred percent safe." The cyan mare replies. She then moves her head away from the intercom, and quickly says to the group, "No it isn't."
She then returns to the intercom and tells him, "Anyways you are trying to prove to me that you're brave, right?"
At that, Darkened Flame straightens up and salutes her. "Okay I'm ready! I'll show you I'm one of the bravest ponies in all of Equestria!"
"Okay Darkened, fire away!"
He pulls the trigger, and a yellow beam fires from the weapon… uh… device, followed by a huge explosion, and you hear an ear piercing scream, which quickly fades. The yell becomes louder again as a charred Darkened Flame crashes in front of the group with an audible thud.
Rainbow nudges him with a hoof. "You okay buddy?"
He puts on a faint smile, while quietly muttering to himself, "She asked if I was okay... She cares."
The Captain interrupts abruptly. "Well good luck with that Rainbow! Everypony on board the tram!"
You all step back onto the vehicle as medical staff carry Darkened away on a stretcher. The death machine… tram… vehicle lifts off as your guide makes another announcement through the speakers. "Next stop on our tour is a personal favorite..." He pauses for dramatic effect, "The writer's department!"
The tram flies over to the writers department, which is in total chaos. There are pegasus teams clearing away debris, and for some reason, snow… As your transport lands, Captain Literal steps off of the craft, seemingly unsurprised by the bizarre mess. You all exit the tram almost immediately noticing a white pegasus stallion with a short messy purple mane, marked by a single red stripe in it. It is the one and only Captain Literal. He looks like he's been through a tough fight, wheezing slightly as he greets your group.
"Oh, hey everypony! I am the one and only," he assumes a dramatic pose, "Captain Literal!"
The human Captain Literal walks over to his pony counterpart. "What did we miss?"
"A dastardly group of snowmen attacked, but they were no match for the might of Captain Literal!"
He laughs at the remark. "So the usual?" It is obvious most of the department was involved, but no one questions it, due to the heroic stallion's character.
Your guide turns to you and the group. "Well this where all the amazing ideas we receive from you, our fans, are made possible. He motions you all to follow. He starts explain the different areas, as you all follow him through the myriad destroyed cubicles. Several of the cubicles are intact, with ponies, humans, etc… working at them.
You lag behind a bit, spying out Derpy unwittingly pouring a vial marked nitroglycerin into the ink compartments of the copy machines. She doesn't seem to know that it is in fact a high explosive and not ink. You decide to tell your guide, but when you finally get through the group to him, an explosion erupts from the room, and a charred and confused Derpy wobbles out. She smiles nervously, uttering a simple, "Oops," before falling unconscious. The dual Captains simply facepalms/hoofs.
After following the two through the wreckage and other areas of the writers department, you all once again board the tram, setting out for your next destination.
"Now for the final part of the tour," the Captain announces, "You get to meet the one behind it all!"
The tram approaches a grand set of heavy oak doors with the letters 'A.B.' engraved in gold, real gold, on them. The doors swing open at the floating vehicle's passage, revealing a vast, luxurious hall. The tram lands in the hall, and everyone exits it. You can't help but be impressed with the elegance of the decorum, which has clearly been styled in high Canterlot fashion. As you all walk slowly towards a second set of oak doors sized for normal people and ponies, anticipation begins to build.
Captain Literal walks up to the doors, then turns to the group. "You are about to meet the creator of PVS! Are you ready?"
You feel the excitement filling the air as you step up to meet the man behind the show, this is the one who started it all, the legend himself. Ardan Blade. Judging from the cheers, the other group members are equally exuberant.
The Captain smiles, then presses the latch on the door, drawing it open. You all walk inside, to find it is far more luxurious and awe inspiring than the outside corridor. The merry glow of a grand stone fireplace illuminates the dark room, throwing a warm glow across a vast desk. The desk itself appears to be made of a rare wood, with intricate designs on it. The walls have expensive looking paintings of ponies, particularly scenes from 'There is a Season' upon them. Behind the desk is an amazing view of the city marked with millions of lights. And the director himself is, is...
Sleeping.
He is face down on the desk, his thick, messy auburn hair strewn over countless scattered pages of text and drawings. He is snoring a bit, and a pencil is squeezed lightly between his fingers.
The Captain doesn't look concerned, or even embarrassed. He just laughs cheerfully at the sight, they way a friend laughs at the antics of his companions.
"Just like you huh?" Captain Literal says with a smile. "Wakie, wakie, buddy you got guests."
Ardan slowly wakes up, blinking his eyes groggily. "Oh… Hello Captain, is it that day already?"
Captain just laughs as he replies. "Yes it is, I swear you work too hard."
"Yea well you know me, I love working myself into a coma."
The cheerful Captain's laugh mingles with the soft chuckle of the Writer. Literal walks over to the Director and pats him on the back.
"This is the creator of PVS! He is an awesome writer, and an amazing friend." The Captain gives his good friend a smile before continuing. "He may have his dumb moments, but I wouldn't trade him for anything."
You wonder about what your friends are doing right now, and how awesome they are. This warms your heart a little, bringing a smile to your face.
"This concludes the tour, just take the teleporters on your right, and you will be back home." Captain Literal announces with a smile.
You walk over to one of the teleporters and step inside. A tingling sensation dances up your nerves as bright white light fills your vision. When your sight clears, you are standing in your living room, in front of your friends, as they stare at you with wide eyed expressions. Boy, it has been an interesting day.