Alone. So alone.
Applejack had awoken to an empty home and at a later hour than her norm. That's just how things were becoming for Sweet Apple Acres. Everypony else had changed, but she remained the same. That had never been a problem before. Reliable wasn't a nasty word. Dependable and Applejack were synonymous. She didn't fight change, but adapted to it, like any member of the Apple family. Then why was she the one alone?
Big Mac was gone—out on the long strip of land he'd cleared. He hadn't come home since the day Sugar Belle left. Granny was getting on in years but a new set of wings changed all that. They didn't have that same stiffness her legs did; they didn't have a lifetime of use. That sense of mobility had opened her up to getting out to Ponyville more and meeting with some of the other older folks who felt young again. And Apple Bloom, who already acted like a ball of energy, had left every morning earlier than anypony else. All three were out off the farm, shirking responsibilities as if they hadn't ever had them in the first place. Did getting wings and a horn mean they were no longer Apples?
It curdled Applejack's stomach to think about it. The farm needed weeding, the orchard needed bucking, and the home needed cleaning. Of course, that last one really wasn't true. There wasn't much to clean when only Applejack stayed. Granny and Apple Bloom would be home to sleep, but neither really came home to eat. And when they did, they usually talked over each other about their days, neither caring if the other heard.
"It's weird," Applejack muttered to herself. She stared out the window this morning, watching the sky turn bright blue. A cloud passed over, alone, like Applejack. There were a distinct lack of clouds lately, Applejack noticed. Just one cloud today. It moved so slowly, like a tortoise passing through mud. "I get how you feel," she told the cloud. "Everyone else is in such a rush. But not you."
Rainbow Dash often slept on the clouds to take naps and shirk duties. Seeing the single cloud float on reminded Applejack of the blue mare. She wondered if Rainbow Dash was up there now, snoozing, without a care in the world. No, that couldn't be right. Dash had gone back to Cloudsdale. In fact, pretty much all her friends had left Ponyville. Starlight Glimmer was around, no doubt dealing with some mayhem of overactive ponies abusing their new magic. Nope. Applejack was alone.
But maybe that wasn't so bad.
Applejack moved with a nonchalant attitude out the door of her home, stepping into the bright light of the mid-morning sun. Nopony around to tell her she couldn't just fly up to that cloud and take a nap like Rainbow Dash. Everypony shirked duties—but not Applejack the reliable. Dependable! "No," she said in a hushed tone. For once, she desired to be the one to knock off from chores. All she had to do was take a few steps and push up with her wings. Her new wings. Those feathery things on her back. It wasn't hard to fly—she could do it if she wanted to. Rainbow Dash did it all the time. That gal rarely set hoof on solid earth, as a matter of fact.
Shaking, her wings stretched wide. A thumping echoed in her ears—a beaten drum. It droned on as she stared up at the cloud. Another step forward and she could launch herself into the air. That's all she had to do and she'd be flying. Even Fluttershy flew, and the mare was terrified of her own shadow. Not that Applejack feared flying. Heights were dangerous, sure, it's in a pony's nature to avoid them. But then, why did she desire to swing her body into the air, to fly into the sky and put herself in such a precarious position? Another step, the thumping grew louder.
"Applejack!" a voice screamed—it sounded like Apple Bloom. Applejack could tell in an instant. But where had it come from? "Applejack!" the scream came again, this time Applejack looked up. Cloaking her eyes with a hoof, she practically stared at the sun. A small shadow moved along the rim and broke into the blue of the sky.
"Apple Bloom!" Applejack called to the shadow as it made a speedy descent to the ground. The filly came on way too fast. She was too new to flying, it was dangerous, how had she gotten up so high? Applejack acted on instinct. She rushed to where she thought Apple Bloom would crash down and realized she wouldn't make it. In an instant, Applejack leapt and skidded against the earth, front hooves outstretched, and kicking up a dust cloud around her form.
"Applejack?" The filly looked down on her with confusion.
She had never landed. Apple Bloom seemed to have full control of her wings, hovering above Applejack with ease. There had been no need for alarm or panic. Applejack could feel her heart in her throat, a choking sensation that caused her to stumble with her words. "You, are you, uh, you're alright? Yah?"
Apple Bloom stayed in the air with a lime green book wrapped tightly in her forelegs. A look of confusion hung on her face, as though she had just tasted a new food and debated on whether she liked it or not. "Yeah..." Apple Bloom replied, her tone mimicking the bewildered expression.
Applejack quickly rose to her hooves, dusting herself off. "Good. Good. I'm just, y'know, feeling the soil on my hooves. You've really taken to flying like Granny and Mac, huh?"
"It's wonderful!" Apple Bloom said, elated. Her eyes got big with stars as she practically bumped noses with Applejack. "Me and Sweetie Belle—Sweetie's back from her parents by the way—were training on how to fly with Scoots. And Sweetie taught us how to do some magic! Thanks to our time spent with Twilight, we all got a real good handle on being alicorns. Scoots is annoyed that we've taken to flying so well, though, and she's got a knack for plants that Sweetie Belle hasn't even achieved with her magic! Can you believe it!?"
That was a lot to take in all at once. "Yeah, I can believe it when it comes to you three." Applejack grinned, chuckling to herself. "What's with the book? More magic?" She kept herself from glaring at the book, but her dismissive tone belied her thoughts on magic.
Apple Bloom didn't seem to notice, however. "Yeah! Mac is so busy with whatever he's doin', but I figured you and Granny might be interested in learning some spells. Sweetie lent us this nonvice-novance-nonvase?" She shook her head. "It's a beginner spell book! Since we ain't been castin' a bunch of spells all our lives, it's a good a place to start!"
That didn't seem like a bad idea to Applejack. Big Mac had a natural talent with levitation. It's not like she wanted to catch up to him or anything, but it would be a good start to get him to open up about what he planned. "Magic," Applejack slid the word from her mouth, testing it out on her tongue. "Alright, but try something easy first. I don't want you accidentally starting a fire or something."
But Apple Bloom titled her head at Applejack, one eyebrow raised higher. "Oh, I've already done some of the spells in the first part of the book." She dropped the book into Applejack's hooves and fluttered over to the closest barrel. Without missing a beat, Apple Bloom's horn lit up and a second later the large container—which doubled her size—moved a few inches off the ground. She struggled for a moment, then dropped it back down. "Tada!" she exclaimed, forelegs stretched wide and panting.
Applejack had seen Twilight lift all sorts of things that were a hundred times her own weight, but she never thought she'd see her little sister do something similar. "You really lifted it, huh?" Applejack gawked, stunned. Big Mac might've been a mystery with his magic, but Apple Bloom would be right up there with him with a little practice. Would Granny show up one day with ability to duplicate objects or manipulate gravity? The thought chilled her to the bone, even more so when Applejack considered she might never reach their level.
She was just an earth pony—was being the correct term—and plants remained her focus. That did give Applejack an idea, however. Leering down at the green book, Applejack twisted it open and it fell to the middle. "I'm not so certain magic might really be my thing, Apple Bloom, but maybe I know something I'm comfortable with."
"You don't want to try levitatin' somethin'?" Apple Bloom sounded disappointed.
Applejack ignored her little sister's comment—not because she wanted to be rude, but Applejack really didn't know how to respond to this situation. She always felt some tingling feeling in the back of her mind that yearned to impress her siblings, especially Apple Bloom. Sure, she got to be one of the mares who consistently saved Equestria, but that was almost autonomous. With the Element of Honesty around her neck, she debated sometimes that it didn't really matter what she thought. Twilight led them and they obeyed. It wasn't actually like that, Applejack knew she had a voice, no one forced her to do anything. Yet it never really felt like her own accomplishment—something she could bring home and say she did, and it was because of her.
The cutie map in Twilight's castle had made her feel special—needed, wanted—and let her bring home a tale of something inspiring. She'd be humble, of course, but bringing home the glory really did add a spice to her life. Never before had Applejack realized how much she enjoyed the feeling. There was nothing wrong with being a simple farmer all her life, she'd never resent the idea. It's what she was made to do. Yet, if she didn't have those little adventures, would she even be the same pony? Would bitterness settle in? Could she be upset now because everypony could go on their own little adventures and be special?
Was she jealous?
That question sent a shiver down her spine. She had absentmindedly flipped through pages, not really reading a single one, as she thought about herself. Everypony got jealous at some point in their lives. It was natural. But Applejack hated that feeling. What need could a pony have to be so worked up about others getting the show? Her friends all had their own spotlights, and she had never been jealous of them.
She hid her eyes beneath her hat, out of Apple Bloom's view. Jealousy didn't make much sense to Applejack. That whole idea was shoved aside in an instant. She felt no animosity for anypony enjoying their new horn or wings, not even her very talented brother. No, it couldn't be jealousy. It was something else.
"Let me try this one," Applejack eventually said, raising the book and turning it to Apple Bloom. A simple spell on creating a ball of water. On a farm, water became essential. Plants and animals needed it to survive, and Applejack could admit it'd be nice to have a refreshing glass of water on hoof at any time of her working day.
She focused on her thoughts, imagining a ball of water being formed. "That's a good startin' spell, but be careful and don't point your horn too far up. Scootaloo tried it and all the water fell back on her face." Apple Bloom let out a giggle.
Applejack found her center in a moment, closing her eyes helped, and she felt the rushing water form. Like a river of her thoughts, channeling and breaking through a dam, flooding the world. When she opened her eyes, she had a big smile on her face that evaporated in an instant. "Uh, are you startin'?" Apple Bloom asked.
With a swift hoof, Applejack took back the book and looked at the spell. It wasn't difficult, most of the spells were so simplistic even a child could understand them. In fact, Apple Bloom had said Scootaloo performed the spell as well, but there had been actual water then. Where was Applejack's water? That rushing form of liquid had never perspired. "Maybe I don't get that one—let me try another." She flipped the pages backward towards the beginning of the book. A light spell came up. It would be one that held on her horn, not something like a ball of light that shot out.
After closing her eyes again, she focused. Imagining light proved difficult, especially during the day when the sun beat down on her. Applejack could feel the heat surging up her neck, flushing her cheeks, and stinging her new horn. When she thought she'd done it, she opened one eye to make sure. Only the sunlight shined. "I-uh, I just don't—" Applejack cut herself off. She grew embarrassed and it didn't help that Apple Bloom stared at her with those big, curious eyes. "I just need something I'm more accustomed to."
Flipping through page after page, Applejack did find something she liked more than anything else. "A plant growth spell? I don't know, Applejack. That one's not as easy," Apple Bloom stated. "Even Sweetie Belle had trouble with that for the longest time, and Twilight was helpin' her."
"Well, unicorns never had the innate ability to commune with plants and nature," Applejack stated as she lifted soil into her hooves, letting it blow away in the wind. "Earth ponies held that domain since the first days of our existence. Now that we're alicorns, maybe that just transfers over."
Applejack went to the barn, returning a moment later with an apple seed in hoof. Once she dug a spot in the soil outside the family home, she dropped the seed in the new hole and covered it up. The spell tasked her with concentrating, which Applejack had been doing for the last two, but she knew how plants grew. In her mind, she remembered all the times as a young filly—about Apple Bloom's age—that she looked up and marveled at how big the orchard's trees were. There was one in particular that she and Granny had cultivated that still sat out there today. She had grown with it into a full mare—that's what she used to focus. Not the idea of a tree growing, but herself.
She didn't say a word to Apple Bloom as she closed her eyes. She had no reason to jinx herself like Rainbow Dash would've. Applejack simply resigned herself to concentrating.
With the strain of the spell coursing through her, she felt it surge at the tip of her horn. It hadn't felt quite like that before. It grew and grew, becoming as hot as an iron. All at once she released the power, opening her eyes to see the effects. First, she looked at her horn, which didn't spark, and then she looked at the soil in front of her. The dirt slightly moved, but that might have been the wind. Finally, she looked at Apple Bloom who had a bored expression. "Are you even trying?" the filly asked, which stun Applejack more than she would let on.
"Maybe this book is broken." Applejack slammed it shut and kicked it over to Apple Bloom. "I did everything it said. Shoot, Big Mac didn't even need a book."
"Why don't you try levitatin'? It's the one spell they say you should try first."
"Who's this they?" Applejack squinted at the filly.
"Them ol' unicorns? They've been practicing it since the first days of their existence," Apple Bloom replied in a half-mocking tone. "C'mon!" She flipped open the book to a page about levitation and pointed at it. "Try it!"
"Apple Bloom, those unicorns didn't have books to teach them. They did it themselves! That's what I'm going to do." Applejack gave her a curt nod and turned back to the soil. "Now, quit distracting me. Better yet, there's a whole list of chores you can do since you've been slacking off with your friends."
The filly let out a disgruntled groan and slammed the book close. "I'm going, I'm going," Apple Bloom muttered. Applejack could hear a few words like 'stubborn' and 'ornery' being whispered, but she let it slide. Her mind returned to the seed, and everything inside told her she could do this.
A single cognitive thought in the back of her mind knew what her problem had been all along. Originally, jealousy was thought to be the cause. Now, however, Applejack knew it to be untrue. Everypony else was learning at the same rate, yet she dwindled behind. All because she was afraid to start—the fear of trying something new, and failing, kept her immobilized. Nopony said you had to be good at something right away, yet she bore one of the Element of Harmony. She'd been a major authority figure for the Apple family. She did have to be good. It was, in a way, her duty.
Applejack understood how Twilight must've felt when she'd been given wings and crowned a princess. A sudden surge of having to be something, to change the way she had always been, would've been overwhelming. Twilight had even had a rocky start on flying, quite often falling into the dirt. But Twilight had something Applejack didn't at this moment—her friends.
She thought of waiting for the others to return to Ponyville after things settled down. Then they might all take each other's lessons and notes. A few tricks from Twilight and Rarity on magic, some aerial stunts from Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. But what if they didn't need help? What if they were already starting to master their new traits? That sparked a panic in Applejack's mind. What if she remained the only one incapable of flying and spells? They wouldn't look at her as some sort of runt, would they?
Applejack breathed hard. With Apple Bloom gone inside, she thanked her lucky stars to have her moment of hysteria alone. "I've got to do this," she told herself, and tried the plant growth spell again.
Repeatedly, she tried. Hours passed. From morning to noon to evening, she tried—and failed.
When Granny Smith returned home that night, she stopped at Applejack's side. "Applejack? What are you doing out here? Ya weren't waitin' on me, were yah?" Granny looked at her with one eye, studying Applejack's expression—which by then had become a mixture of sorrow and exhaustion.
She had no reason to lie to Granny—but Applejack knew she didn't have to tell the whole truth. "Nah, Granny. I'm glad you're back. I'm just out here practicing some magic. Apple Bloom brought a book home and we've been trying out a few. You hungry?"
Granny shook her head. "Are you? You look like you've bucked the entire orchard."
"I guess I'm not used to castin' spells," Applejack replied with a nervous chuckle. "I can get dinner started."
"Aw, that's alright. I've brought some home for y'all. Me and the girls were out in Manehattan and went by some of them fast eateries." Granny pulled out a big paper bag from her saddlebags, a hayburger marked the side.
Applejack practically flipped her hat. "You went to Manehattan!? How'd you get over there so fast?"
Granny looked up at the sky. "Well, dear, I was gone pretty much all day. These wings don't get sore as my hooves do, y'know." Letting out a hoarse laugh, Granny handed off the bag. "But that don't mean I ain't missing my bed. Tell Apple Bloom goodnight for me." And with that, Applejack stood alone in the yard again.
With a sigh, and no progress on the seed, Applejack went inside. Setting the meal on the table, she called up to Apple Bloom who rushed down. "Oh boy, I'm starving!" she said, far more cheery than Applejack's mood.
The bag opened on it's own, and to Applejack's surprise, Apple Bloom levitated out a wrapped hayburger. Without even lifting her hooves, Apple Bloom had it unwrapped and was munching on it in an instant. Ketchup spread across her cheeks with each bite, and she downed it in less than a minute. "Do you mind if I finish the fries in my room, Sis? I wanna get some more practicing before bed." Apple Bloom already levitated the package of fries out of the bag.
"Y-yeah." Applejack nodded, and Apple Bloom ran off up the stairs to her room. Applejack ate alone. She wasn't fast or slow about it. It was just something she did as thoughts crowded her mind. Those thoughts kicked and screamed like cats trapped in a sack. All that she could do was be alone.