Twilight walked into the kitchen for her midmorning coffee, yawning. She began towards the pot, but paused when she saw Discord.
"What are you doing here?" she said.
Discord turned towards her, an eyebrow raised. "What, is it illegal now for a draconequus to visit his favorite princess? If that is the case, it would have been nice to receive an official notice."
"Discord, we've been over this," Twilight groaned, but she was unable to keep the tired smile off her face. "I'm not going to make a law just so you can break it."
Discord grinned that devious grin of his that even now still made Twilight tense a little. "What about that time you, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity—"
"It was one time! Three centuries ago! Also classified information!"
Discord held up his hands placatingly. "Alright, alright, no need to wig out." As he said that, a ridiculous poofy rainbow wig appeared on his head.
Twilight tried to hold her laughter in. She strained as hard as she could to not give him the satisfaction he craved over a joke that bad. It was ultimately too much for the sleep-deprived princess, though, and she burst out laughing. Her eyes shut tightly as she laughed, and it took all of her strength to not fall down.
When she opened her eyes again, Discord was at her side, holding a coffee mug in each hand. "Yes, yes, I am quite funny, I know. Let's go get some coffee in you. After all, you have a long day ahead of you."
Twilight sleepily nodded along, a few chuckles slipping out. As she sat down, Discord's words finally caught up with her. "Wait, what? Today's my day off, and I don’t have anything planned."
Discord gasped. "Oh no! Did I forget to mention what I had planned? I'm so very sorry, Twilight, it must have slipped my mind," he said, in that very Discord way that let her know that it definitely had not slipped his mind. "Well, you see, it's quite simple really. I would like to take you out to dinner tonight, and I can't very well do that if you're snoozing the whole time. And, obviously, you will need to get ready in your finest attire, which we both know will take time, and—"
"What?!" Twilight shouted after her brain had rebooted. "What are—I don't—we aren't," Twilight stammered. She paused and took a few deep breaths, thankful for Cadance teaching her the technique all those years ago. "Are you asking me on a date?"
When she asked that, she expected a lot of things. That Discord would laugh at her for falling for his latest trick. That Discord would give her that infuriating smirk of his and say yes. That Discord would chuckle and joke about her interest in him and how he just wanted to spend time with a friend.
Instead, Discord was leaning away from her, eyebrows raised. He looked surprised and uncertain. "I... suppose I am. I know I don't have the breadth of experience that you do, but that is typically what one does when they're interested in someone and they believe that interest to be mutual, is it not?"
Twilight nodded. "It is. I'm just... surprised. I had no clue you felt this way."
Discord recoiled as if he had been slapped and frowned. "I wasn't exactly subtle about this, Twilight, even if it is my middle name." He pulled out an ID card that read 'Discord Subtle' followed by a string of incomprehensible characters. He shoved it back into an overstuffed wallet and put it into the pocket of a pair of jeans he hadn't been wearing a minute ago. The pocket promptly caught fire, and he snapped the jeans away.
"I really need to spend some of that," he muttered.
She furrowed her brow and tried to think of anything that might have been signs of his feelings for her. He had started spending more time around the castle a few months ago, but she hadn't really thought anything of it. And sure, they talked more than they used to and had a lot of fun together, and there were all those times they complimented each other, but that was all just platonic. Right?
Like Discord had said, she was much more experienced when it came to relationships, but she was not an expert by any means, and she needed an expert opinion right now.
"I'll be right back."
And before he could reply, she was gone.
Cadance stared at Twilight in disbelief. She didn’t mean to, but sometimes these things couldn’t be helped.
When Cadance had woken up this morning, she had been prepared for a lot of things. Perhaps Flurry Heart would have shown up for an unannounced visit, as she tended to do. More likely, she would have a boring and tedious day holding court, followed by a relaxing evening in the royal baths, enjoying a cheesy romance novel and wine brought by one of her maids. And, if she was feeling particularly frisky, enjoying that maid as well.
Nothing could have prepared her for Twilight Sparkle teleporting into her throne room unannounced, which she almost never did. Even more unlikely was for Twilight to frantically beg her for romance advice. And, after the story Twilight had just told, she desperately wished she’d gotten that wine for this instead of tea.
"Twilight, sweetheart... how?"
Twilight blinked. "What do you mean, 'how'?"
The ruler of the Crystal Empire, the princess of love, and Twilight's wife for the past century and a half rubbed the bridge of her muzzle. She took a deep breath and sighed.
"Honey, how did you miss all the signs? How can you be this cute yet frustrating? How did you think the right move was to just teleport here with no warning?"
"I told him I'd be right back!"
Cadance looked at the ceiling of her private dining suite and tried to think of the right thing to say. Nothing came to her, though, so she ultimately decided on the blunt approach.
"Twilight, how would you feel if you asked someone out and their immediate response was shock and panic, followed by running away?"
Twilight blinked. "Well, I'd feel pretty bad, but what... Oh." She hung her head and sighed.
Cadance walked over to the other mare and wrapped a wing around her. "What's done is done, hon, and you know what you did wrong, so let's not dwell on it, okay?" She nuzzled her wife and sighed against her soft coat. "So, I guess my question for you is: how do you feel about him?"
Twilight stared into her tea, brow furrowed. "Well, he's one of my best friends. After the girls died, we were there for each other. Swapping stories with him was the only ways I made it through, just like with you after Shining..." She grimaced, and Cadance rubbed her withers. "Sorry. Um, he's very funny, and he's charming once you get to know him. And I know he can be abrasive, but he's got a sweet side and it's adorable."
Cadance blinked. "He does?"
"Yeah, I had about the same reaction, honestly." Twilight chuckled. "He's very cuddly. Curling up with him and reading a good book is one of my favorite ways to relax after a stressful day at court."
"Is it now?" Cadance smirked and raised an eyebrow. Twilight looked over and groaned.
"Platonic cuddling is a thing! This doesn't mean anything!"
Cadance hummed in acknowledgement. Platonic cuddling was certainly a thing, but she wasn't convinced it didn't mean anything in this case.
Pressing on, Cadance asked, "Well, we've been over what you like about his personality, but do you have any thoughts on his appearance?"
Twilight bit her lip in that cute way she did when she was deep in thought. It took all of Cadance's willpower to not just tackle her love and take her right then and there. There would be time for that later, though; matters of the heart took precedence.
"Well, I think his incongruencies are fascinating. When I was younger, his mismatched parts freaked me out a little, but now... They're a reflection of his personality in a way, which I love. And then there's that little snaggletooth of his, which is just adorable. And his coat is so soft, and he smells really nice, and when he holds me I feel safe, and—" Realization dawned on her face. "Oh wow. How did I miss that?"
"Well, sometimes there can be a disconnect between how our hearts feel about someone and how our brains think about them, especially when we get used to how things are." Cadance kissed her wife's cheek. "But you've got them synced up now, and that's what matters."
Twilight smiled and gave Cadance a peck on the lips. "Thanks, hon. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Cadance smirked. "I don't know what you'd do without me either." She leaned down with her muzzle right against her wife's ear. "I know that there are things you need to take care of, but right now, after how adorable you were? I need you," she whispered. Her hoof drifted down and rubbed Twilight's cutie mark, and she delighted in how Twilight shivered.
And with a pop of teleportation, her wife brought her to their bed.
Discord moped on his couch, watching forlornly as himself and himself performed slapstick in an attempt to cheer him up. With anything else it would have worked, but with Twilight ripping his heart out and crushing it...
He sighed and the two other hims paused in their game of bashing each other over the head with mallets.
"Wow, he's really got it bad, huh?" one of them said.
"Hey, just because he does doesn't mean you have to say it!" the other replied.
Discord sighed. "Say it, don't say it, whatever. It doesn't matter."
"Oh, stop pouting."
Discord glared at the himself that said that. "I am not pouting. Even when Twilight proved that I was a fool who thought too highly of myself and our relationship, the lord of chaos does not pout!"
"Well, I hate to say it, but..." The more polite one pulled out a mirror and Discord just about fainted at the sight. What a disgrace for the lord of chaos to fall so far as to pout!
He blinked and glared at the one now wearing a hat that read 'Narrator'.
"What? It's true!" said the Narrator. "All you're missing now is a dozen tubs of ice cream and a chaise longue."
"Darling, darling, do I look like Rarity to you, darling?" Discord huffed and flipped his immaculately coiffed purple mane. He paused and looked up at it, and then at the ice cream tubs surrounding him and his chaise. "Oh no, darling, oh darling darling darli-i-ing," he wailed, tears streaming down his cheeks. He grabbed the nearest tub and began shoveling ice cream into his mouth.
At some point between pint number ten and gallon number seven, a knock rang out from his door. He blinked and walked over to the peephole and recoiled at the sight outside.
Twilight Sparkle was right there. Outside his door. Carrying flowers and wearing a gorgeous dress. He wondered if he was dreaming and, on cue, the two himselves came up and whacked him on the head with their mallets. When he didn't wake up, he snapped his fingers and cleared them and all signs of his earlier melodrama away.
He opened the door and raised an eyebrow. "What do you want, Twilight?"
Twilight opened her mouth, but she paused for a moment. "What's with that mane style?"
Discord conjured a mirror and saw that he now had a long black mane with red highlights that perfectly covered one eye. He grumbled and snapped his fingers to bring it back to its normal short crop.
"Don't worry about it."
Twilight shook her head and smiled, a gentle and fragile thing. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to run off, I just... wasn't thinking straight." The flowers floated up to Discord and he grabbed them. "These are for you."
They stared at each other, every passing second increasing the awkward tension. Discord watched the smile on Twilight's face fall as this continued, and he coughed in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence.
Twilight bit her lip and furrowed her brow. "Gah, why is this so hard? Why didn't I just make flashcards?"
"No flashcards?" Discord's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "That isn't like you, Twilight. What about a list, or a speech?"
She shook her head. "None of that." She froze, and then grinned wickedly. "I guess you could say I decided to embrace chaos."
Discord blinked in confusion, and before he could react, Twilight leapt up and tackle-hugged him. "This is unexpected." Discord smirked. "I think I like this a lot more than flashcards."
Twilight giggled. "I think I do too." She nuzzled into his chest. "So what were you wanting to do tonight?"
"Well I was hoping to take you to a nice restaurant for dinner, where we could complain about the prices and laugh at the stuffy patrons. Maybe take you to a play afterwards and be as disruptive as possible." Discord sighed. "Not that it matters, though. I know now that you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you. I do appreciate you coming here to cheer me up, though."
"What—I—what?!"
Discord looked down to see Twilight glaring at him. "What? Did I say something wrong?"
Twilight clenched her eyes shut and took several deep breaths. Once she had finally calmed down, she said, "Wow, now I get what Cadance meant by ‘cute yet frustrating’."
Discord gasped and held a hand over his chest. "Moi? Cute? I am cool, charming, funny, and handsome, but I am most certainly not 'cute'." He huffed in disgust.
"Sure you aren't." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Do you want to know why I'm here, Discord? It's because I wanted to—however belatedly—say yes, because the interest is mutual. I just needed someone else to help me realize that."
Discord's mouth opened, wordlessly. When the statement finally caught up with his brain he wrapped his arms around Twilight and jumped up into the air, fireworks exploding around them as he cheered.
As the excitement of the moment faded, Discord set the giggling purple princess down and cleared his throat. "Well, I still need to get ready, so why don't I just send you to the restaurant to wait for me."
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you supposed to be the one to wait for me?"
"Exactly," he said, and they both grinned.
"Well, before I go, I have one more apology gift."
"Ooooh, what is it, what is it? Hmm, is it—" He paused and glanced warily at Twilight as a horrifying thought occurred to him. “Is it another book?”
Twilight shook her head. "It's something better."
Discord’s eyebrows shot up. "What could be better than a book in your silly little head?"
Twilight smirked and leaned up, kissing Discord on the lips. It was a light, chaste thing, more of a peck than anything else. But it still sent Discord's heart hammering out of his chest and a goofy grin on his face.
"Definitely better."
"Told you!" Twilight singsonged.