MLP Pulps

by anarchywolf18


Heartbreak in Theater 9(Anthro)

It had been a busy night for Click Bait. He had already watched two videos of ponies playing video games, and disliked one of them as soon as one of the player’s made a slightly inappropriate comment. He then listened to his favorite podcast to hear all of the latest news about the oppression of anypony who didn’t look like himself. Just by listening to the podcaster, he felt empowered. She knew things that others did not, and could put people like Click Bait into a higher state of being. By hearing about the struggles of everypony who was not himself: mares, ponies in other countries; Click Bait knew that he could help those others just by knowing what he did. Once the podcast ended, Click Bait wrote down all of the main points of it for the premise of his next video that he would stream.

Then came his usual news feed. Another politician said something stupid. Another blockbuster movie performed better than he wished it had. Another killer was on the loose in the city. Another fire started somewhere in the rural areas outside the city limits. The usual.

He then watched three music videos for the Rainbooms. Even though it would have normally taken a little bit under ten minutes to watch all three, nearly twenty minutes passed as Click Bait repeatedly paused the videos during his favorite parts. Rarity looked positively ravishing in her silver gown, contrasted against the golden light of the sunset. And Fluttershy. Sweet Fluttershy, who obviously had no idea how titillating she looked as she thrusted her hips against her tamborine.
When the last of the videos ended, Click Bait noticed on his phone just how much time had passed. It was now the early hours of the morning, and he was not at all ready for sleep. There was still time enough for one last thing to do for the night.

There would be no rest for him if anypony found out about his love. His passion. His favorite hobby. If any of his online followers found out, they would ruin him. If just one word of it reached the online community, his career was over.

Putting his cash in his pocket, Click Bait wore his largest overcoat and stepped out into the darkened streets of Canterlot City. Taking his car was not an option. If there was any chance of somepony recognizing his car, he was done.

Several blocks later, the streetlights stopped. The only light came from the few signs that hung in the broken windows of the shops. Click Bait’s feet treaded lightly over the cracked sidewalk, until one of his toes caught the edge of a raised chunk of the broken concrete.

Click Bait stumbled, barely keeping his glasses from falling off his face. Ahead, he saw a group of stallions loitering in front of a building. Just looking at them made him nervous. Everything about them. Their loose clothes. The color of their coats and manes. Their accents. It all screamed danger. Just one misunderstanding between him and them, and they would be all over him.

He was walking closer, glancing from the side of his vision at the group of stallions. If any one of them tried anything, he was going to be ready for them. How, he didn’t know. But, it was going to be him or them.

One of the stallions glanced over at Click Bait just as he was passing by. At the same time, there was a loud bang from across the street.

Click Bait ducked in cover behind the nearest car, and heard the poppling rumble of a motorcycle go speeding down the street from where he was.

The loitering stallions all laughed at him, pointing and mocking. Even though Click Bait couldn’t understand what they were saying in their language, he somehow knew.

“Look at this fucking guy! Scared of a fucking motorcycle!”

“Baby boy’s a long way from home. Think we should help him back?”

“Naw. I say we show him how we do things in the ‘hood.”


“I-I don’t want any trouble!” Click Bait said, as he hurried away.

He could hear the stallions laughing at him as he ran, like he had just told the greatest joke they had ever heard.

Click Bait’s nerves were shot from the encounter, the laughter of the stallions pounding from the inside of his head like a thousand hammers. His fists clenched at his sides, knowing that he could have done something to defend himself from them. If he had done it, then he would have been the one laughing in the end.

The marquee of the theater was in sight. The light at the end of the tunnel. All other thoughts were put out of his mind as he hurried his steps to make it to his destination. As he got closer, he could see the bold, black letters of the marquee. According to the time on his phone, he was just in time to see that night’s late feature: Bloodlust. From the sound of it, a gory, blood-drenched action movie. Or a horror flick with a gorgeous, blood-sucking vixen of a vampire villainess. Either way, he knew he was in for a good time.

He paid his admission at the box office, and got his bucket of popcorn. He had long ago looked up on the internet what it was that movie theaters put on their popcorn instead of butter, and found it to be an odd mix of ingredients that had absolutely no butter in it. As much as he touted on his streaming channel about how much he hated synthetic products, he always ended up not requesting to have his popcorn without toppings. In fact, he found that in this dingy, B-movie theater, the topping that they used tasted much better than what they used in other theaters. Because of that, he requested extra to be put on his popcorn.

After getting his popcorn, Click Bait had his ticket torn and was ushered down the hall to his theater. Number nine. The best in the house, in his opinion. That was where the one corner at the back had the one busted light, where he could sit in total anonymity. No fear of being recognized by any of the thousands of anonymous faces in his audience.

He walked into theater nine. The air of the room seemed somehow still, as if it were awaiting his presence. The seats were sparsely filled with other patrons who were awaiting their bloody good time. On his way up the steps to the back row, Click Bait saw that there was nopony up there. The only problem was that on the way, he could see an audience member who was sitting very near the aisle, feverishly kissing the mare that he was with. If either of them looked up and recognized him...If they knew what he was into…

The lights began to dim. In the darkness, Click Bait hurried past the amorous couple. Safely to the back row, and across to the darkest corner.

It was not even halfway through the back row that Click Bait saw to his greatest dismay that his corner was already occupied. There, quietly sipping their drink was somepony else. His chance for total anonymity was blown. Slowly, as if he had meant to all along, Click Bait sat down in the center of the row and looked toward the screen. Though his mind lingered on the squatter in his corner, and how he would forcibly remove him to take the seat that was rightfully his.

The movie started with almost no warning or announcement. There was a flash of steel, and a head was severed. In the spray of blood, the title of the movie splattered itself across the screen, before cutting to a scene of a fanged, scantily dressed mare who was slicing apart her attackers with a kitchen knife. Click Bait had hoped for bloody action or sexy vampires. In a twist of luck, he had gotten both.

By impulse, he glanced over to the patron who had taken his corner. There he sat, idly flicking the foot of his crossed leg as he watched the film from the best seat in the house, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Nor did he even think about how somepony else might want that corner he was in.

No. Not ‘he.’ No stallion had such finely tapered legs that snaked out of a miniskirt so tantalizingly.

The faint taste of blood filled Click Bait’s mouth as he bit his lip and unknowingly leaned closer to the unknown squatter in his corner. Through the dark, he almost thought he could see her breasts heaving ever so slightly as her glossened lips closed around the straw of her drink, teasing it with her tongue with every sip. Finally, he saw something that he knew he didn’t imagine. A faint glimmer from her eye.

His breath released, and Click Bait gasped quietly to himself as he quickly turned back to the screen. The opening credits were almost done. The producer’s name appeared in a burst of flame, as the heroine used a zippo lighter and a bottle of spray deodorant as a flamethrower. The writer’s name appeared next in the broken rubble of a wall. Finally, the director’s name, the same as the writer’s and producer’s, appeared superimposed over the breasts of the heroine as she licked the blood of her enemies from her lips.

A sudden feeling of warmth and tingling through his body made the bucket of popcorn rise ever so slightly in his lap. That mare on the screen was gorgeous. Perfect. She was exactly the kind of mare who would ignore him if he walked past her on the street. And that thought made his warm feeling wane slightly.

He reached down to take a kernel of corn, and felt something that he knew that he shouldn’t have.

There was another hand in his bucket. One that took an entire handful of popcorn, and brought it to it’s owner’s mouth.

There she was. She was everything that Click Bait had imagined, and more. Her legs hovered so close to his that her toe almost brushed against his shin. Her lips were as red as the blood that covered the screen. Her breasts were barely contained by the top she was wearing. And her eyes. Those striking blue eyes that pierced him, even though they were focused ahead. She was perfect. And she was sitting right next to him. Best of all, she was looking at him.

She took another sip of her drink, holding Click Bait with her gaze.

“I haven’t seen you here before. Come here a lot?” she asked.

“I...Yeah. Sometimes. You were in my seat. So, I sat here,” Click Bait answered.

“Yeah. I like sitting over there too. It’s funny that we’d only now find each other. What do you like about that seat?” the mare asked.

It didn’t seem like the mare recognized him from his videos. But, he couldn’t risk revealing his reasons.

“Uh...Why do you like...sitting there?” he asked.

“I asked you first,” the mare replied.

Click Bait’s throat paralyzed. This wasn’t supposed to happen. After so long, he had not prepared for what would happen when actually talking to a mare.

“Since you’re such a smooth talker...” the mare suggestively said, “I don’t really know. There’s just something about sitting in the total darkness of that corner that gives you a certain--I don’t know--mood. Something primal. Something taboo.”

The tub of popcorn shook as the mare’s hand reached in again for more. Click Bait clenched his knuckles around the sides, steadying their quaking.

“So,” the mare continued, “I guess you’re here with somepony.”

“What do you mean?” Click Bait asked.

“Haven’t you heard the news? There’s a killer in Canterlot. It’s not safe to travel alone at night, you know,” the mare said, her eyes focused on the screen.

“I-I-I think I’ll be okay. What are the odds of finding a killer out of all the hundreds of other people I’ll see tonight,” Click Bait said, suddenly recalling the close call with the group of loitering stallions. How he wished the mare could see him handle them all the next time they gave him shit.

The mare smirked as she glanced at him from the corner of her eye.

“Just in case, I’ll stick by you. A strong, brave stallion like you can protect me. Won’t you?”

There was something in her voice that made him want to do something to stop her constant teasing and probing like she was some half-assed psychoanalyst. What did she know about strong, brave stallions that she could compare him to them?
Instead, Click Bait cleared his throat and offered his answer.

“I don’t know. I think a strong female like you can protect yourself. I don’t want to impose--I mean, I don’t want you to think that you’re less than equal to me. Because I think you are. You’re the strongest female ever. I mean, I know about how females can feel intimidated by a male presence. Like he’s going to try and walk all over her--But, I’m not like that,” Click Bait stumbled to say.

“You don’t talk to mares very often, do you?” the mare said, taking more popcorn from Click Bait’s bucket.

Click Bait’s entire skull tingled unpleasantly. And the way that the heroine in the movie was titillating her prey wasn’t helping him.

“It’s alright. It’s never too late to learn. The only downside is that it’s more embarrassing to admit the longer you take,” the mare said.

The tingling sensation in Click Bait’s skull spread to the back of his neck.

“Stick around, stud. You might learn a thing or two,” the mare said, adjusting her legs so that her toe brushed against Click Bait’s shin.

“Le...Learn?” Click Bait asked. “Like what?”

“Well, let me think,” the mare said, pretending to puzzle over something, “You don’t seem to know what the back row of a movie theater is usually used for.”

“I...use it to sit in that corner over there,” Click Bait said.

A sudden breathy heave drew his attention to the screen. The vampire heroine was now in the throes of love with the stallion she had just been teasing. A fiery, passionate, display of carnal pleasures that Click Bait had never known.

“Usually,” the mare said, reclaiming Click Bait’s attention and pointing to the screen, “That’s what the back row of the theater is for. Just with less bloodletting. Unless you want it.”

The way the mare smiled made Click Bait’s blood run so hot that it nearly made him drop the bucket of popcorn. The only thing that stopped him was the hand of the mare reaching in for more.

“I’m-I’m--I only came to watch the movie,” Click Bait stammered.

“That’s a pleasant surprise,” the mare said.

“How--How do you mean?”

“Nothing. It’s just that by looking at you, I didn’t take you for the kind of guy who appreciates a classy flick like this.”
On the screen, the killing blow was delivered. The heroine plunged her fangs into the neck of her lover, who moaned in agonized bliss. Streams of the most artificial red squirted from his jugular, spraying the mare on top of him in a staged mess of gore.

For Click Bait, it was an in. Finally, there was something that he had in common with the mare, and he was going to take full advantage.

“Oh, no. I love these kinds of movies. Like, I really love to laugh at the bad acting and the cheesy dialogue. And the special effects that you know were made in the director’s garage. Like, it’s awesome to know that these kinds of movies get made, and the people who make them expect people to watch them,” Click Bait said.

He could see it in the mare’s eyes as she sipped more of her drink. She totally agreed with him. And a sudden weight was lifted from his shoulders.

“So, what else do you like about these movies? Besides tearing them apart and focusing only on their shortcomings, I mean?” the mare asked.

“Hey, I don’t just focus on what’s wrong with them!” Click Bait said, feeling as if he had just been punched in the gut.

His mind stopped when he saw a kernel of popcorn drop onto the mare’s breasts. Without realizing it, he bit his lip again.

“Touchy, huh? I bet your friends have a lot of fun getting a rise out of you,” the mare said.

“Uh--Well, I don’t talk to my friends much,” Click Bait said.

“Why not? Isn’t that the point of having friends?” the mare asked.

“Yeah. But, we just talk a lot online. Usually when they comment on the videos I post.”

His eyes landed again on the single kernel of popcorn on the mare’s breasts, and quickly shot back up.

“What about your real friends? The people who you can meet in places like this?” the mare asked, as she watched the movie. “Or are you here alone for a reason?”

There she went again. Acting all high and mighty, as if she had met Click Bait before when she didn’t know a damn thing about him. Why couldn’t she just fuck him already and get it over with? He could tell she wanted to. Or was he going to have to make her?

The mare smiled sweetly as she adjusted in her seat, shifting her breasts so that they almost came out of her top. She stopped moving, and glanced down to the kernel in her cleavage.

“Mind getting that for me? My fingers are all oily,” she said, indicating the popcorn that she had been eating.

Click Bait eyed the piece of popcorn like it was lit dynamite. Some force beyond his power made him raise one shaking hand to the mare’s breasts, homing in on that one, tiny kernel. The tips of his fingers flicked and pinched at the kernel, ever careful to touch nothing else.

He felt the familiar psychic tension of eyes upon him, and glanced up to see the mare smirking at him. In one fell movement, Click Bait swept the kernel clear and let it fall to the floor. The feeling of flesh against his fingertips made his whole hand tingle with an acidic delight. Something that made his entire arm almost go numb.

“Why so tense? Don’t tell me that this is your first time,” the mare giggled.

“Wh--What? Why--” Click Bait stammered, trying not to shout angrily.

“Relax. I’m only teasing,” the mare said, before taking more popcorn. “A handsome guy like you’s probably been with a lot of mares.”

Click Bait’s entire body grew hot. He wanted to yell at the mare about how she was just like all the other mares who made him feel like shit. But the feeling of her elbow against his as he shifted closer to him quelled his fury.

“Ah...Well...Some friends tried setting me up on a few dates back in high school. But it didn’t...Things didn’t work out,” Click Bait said.

He was dead silent after that. A glance at the mare on the screen reminded him all about his frustrated romances and unfulfilled desires. Every mare who had turned him down or ignored him completely. What was it that they didn’t like about him? Or could they sense something deep within him that they never wanted to see exposed. It was a problem that he had been blissfully ignoring since high school, and that lasted well into his adulthood. All that seemed to fade, now that he was sitting with a mare like the ones he only fantasized about.

There was movement in the corner of his vision, and Click Bait saw the mare next to him sip more of her drink.

“So, it’s been a while,” the mare said knowingly. “Or maybe...Never?”

“...Yes…” Click Bait whispered so lowly that he barely heard his own voice.

“You’re honest. I like that,” the mare said sweetly.

“Heh...Yeah…”

The mare raised her hand toward the bucket of popcorn again. Instead of taking any more kernels, she passed the bucket and placed her fingers on Click Bait’s chest.

“Your heart feels so strong. I bet you’re so beautiful on the inside,” the mare said.

Yes. He was not muscular. His skin, though unblemished, was oily. His jaw was not strong. But, he was a beautiful person on the inside. A good, kind, thoughtful person who always thought of others before himself. Who understood the inner feelings of those around him and tried to make friends. Who knew the plights and struggles of those less fortunate and oppressed. Click Bait knew that he was one of the greats, even if he didn’t show it.

“Maybe...If you want...I’ll teach you what happens in the back row,” the mare whispered.

Click Bait could feel her toes through her flats stroking his leg. Her hand entwined around his. And her lips softly pressed against his own.

For just a second, Click Bait forgot where he was. He felt as if his whole body had become weightless, and he was floating in an endless expanse of darkness with his new love.

His breathing intensified as he felt her tongue swimming into his mouth. And further and further in until it was nearly in the back of his throat.

A sudden stinging pain on his tongue brought him back to reality. His eyes opened, and he nearly screamed at what he saw.
Two glowing red eyes glared at him through the darkness, as a hideously fanged mouth opened wide, allowing a long, thrashing tendril to lash out and force its way into its victim’s mouth.

Click Bait’s agony was muffled by the speakers of the theater, as another bloodbath was taking place. He tried to run and yell for help, but was pinned to his seat by the unnatural strength of the mare-creature.

An incredible pain shot through his shoulder, as it was impaled by five claws that pierced through the back of the seat. He wanted to tell her to stop, but it was no use. His lips had already been chewed off by the beast’s needle sharp fangs.

He loosed a muffled yell as hundreds of pains were felt in his throat, as if a tree branch covered in thorns had been force fed to him. His voice was shredded like paper as the tendril snaked down his neck, and into his chest.

Blood poured out of Click Bait’s mouth as his chest bulged from the inside. He had never been stabbed before, but felt as if he had just been gouged with a chainsaw. The worst kind of pain gripped his chest, as he felt something snap inside of him.
The tendril was pulling out. Click Bait’s lungs rapidly shuddered in short, shallow breaths as the monstrous appendage was retracted. He wanted to shout, but his voice was gone. Reduced to a few bloody scraps of meat in his throat. New horrible pains were felt as something too large to be in his throat was pulled up into his mouth. Something like a hunk of raw meat filled his jaws, and was pulled past his teeth.

He could no longer feel his heart beating against his chest, and his vision began to fade. The last thing that Click Bait ever saw alive was the end of a clawed tendril protruding from the mouth of the mare-creature. Clutched in its claws was a single pulsating, bloody chunk of meat. What was once Click Bait’s heart disappeared into the monster’s unhinging mouth, and was messily chewed apart as he blacked out.

The mare-creature closed her mouth around her meal, and swallowed it in a single gulp that made her throat bulge.
A satisfied sigh issued from the chest of the monster, whose claws and fangs retracted, and whose eyes returned to their normal blue. A mare again, she licked the blood from her fingers, savoring every drop.

“A joyless, self-loathing, virgin with no friends outside of the internet. Nopony’s going to miss you,” Heart Breaker said, before reaching for more popcorn and continuing to enjoy the movie.