The Sky Is a Lady and She Is Gay: A RariTwi Exquisite Corpse

by SigmasonicX


5. Romance, Pirates, and Explosions, oh my! (TGM)

“Uh, Rarity?” Twilight looked towards her girlfriend, who seemed to be preoccupied with pushing Twilight’s hair behind her ear.

“Yes darling, what is it?” Rarity didn’t stop, her hands continuing to fuss with her girlfriend’s beautiful locks. It took Twilight physically pulling away for Rarity to snap out of her trance.

“There’s people outside.” Twilight fought the rising blush that threatened to turn her beet red, and instead fixed her gaze on the mysterious figures outside to counter it.

“Oh, they’re most likely customers, they’ll leave when they see the boutique is closed.” Rarity leaned in. “Besides, we have much more important matters to attend to, do we not?” Twilight didn’t return her girlfriend’s gaze, she was too preoccupied with the glint of a pistol in one of the figure’s hands as they raised and pointed it directly at them through the window.

“GET DOWN!” Twilight practically tackled her girlfriend to the ground as the window above them exploded into shards of glass that scattered over the floor. Twilight covered Rarity as best she could until she was certain the glass cascade had ceased, then looked to Rarity. “Are you okay?” Rarity, to her credit, seemed relatively competent for someone who’s girlfriend had just suddenly leapt upon them with the ferocity of a pouncing lion. She blinked once or twice, then sat up.

“I’m fine, what about you?” After Twilight nodded, she turned to cast a disdainful glare at the window out towards their attackers. “How rude.”

Outside, a scraggly looking woman with a large overcoat, flowing black hair, an eye patch, and a peg leg stepped forth. She cracked a grin, her golden tooth gleaming in the sun as she threw back her head and laughed.

“A little birdy told us that this is where you’d be holed up, Rarity!” She stopped laughing, her uncovered eye narrowing as she glared at the boutique. “Or is ‘spectre’ the more appropriate name to be callin’ yeh?” She sneered. “Bah, doesn’t matter! Imagine, one of those most prestigious thieves in Equestria nothin’ more than a fashionista! It tickles me bones!” She started laughing again, but the crew behind her was dead silent. After a moment, she whirled on them, eyes ablaze and laughed harder. The crew got the message and started laughing with her. She scowled before turning to face the boutique again. “Regardless of that, you’re in possession of a trinket of mine!” A massive airship descended from the sky, clouds parting as the full size of the thing came into view. A black air balloon with a skull and crossbones on the side held the gold trimmed structure aloft as it cast an ominous shadow over the boutique. “However, I’m a forgivin’ captain. If ye come out and hand it over now, I won’t blow your boutique to kingdom come. How about it?”

Rarity quickly stood up and pulled Twilight to her feet as well. “Twilight, we have to go,” she said with a serious voice, pulling her towards the back of the building.

“Wait, wait, Rarity what the heck is going on? I know you stole that artifact from a Canterlot noble, but pirates now? What do they have to do with it? What about your boutique? What-” Twilight was cut off as she was yanked into Sweetie Belle’s room, who thankfully didn’t seem to be there. Rarity sweeped a few of Sweetie Belle’s toys out of the way as well as a few paintings depicting Sweetie Belle and Rarity together before she jerked open a trap door that seemed to be built into the floor.

“I’m not worried about the boutique, Twilight. If this heist is successful, we’ll have enough money to buy 50 boutiques. Though I suppose I will have to start from scratch...all over...again…” This realization seemed to have sent Rarity into some sort of daze, as she stared off into space.

“Well, since I don’t see ye coming outside, how about this,” the pirate’s voice from outside droned on. “I’ll count to 3, if you’re not outside by then, I’m afraid it’s curtains to the great Sequined Spectre! One!” The front of the airship opened up with a puff of steam, revealing an enormous cannon that slowly emerged from the front of the ship.

The countdown seemed to have snapped Rarity out of her trance. “That darned Black Raven. Twilight we really don’t have time to discuss this, get in now!”

“I-” Twilight began, but Rarity quickly pushed her in.

“Two!” The cannon started glowing with magical energy. Rarity glanced towards the paintings that Sweetie Belle had drawn and quickly grabbed them, before jumping down with Twilight and quickly closing the hatch.

“Three! Off to Aeolus’s locker with you, Rarity!” The cannon hummed loudly before firing, the force of it pushed the airship back as Carousel Boutique was demolished in a fiery explosion.


Back at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie’s legs and arms began to twitch. “Oh, hey! I can feel my legs again!” Pinkie said excitedly before her hair was suddenly yanked and her head jerked up to face a visibly angry Twilight Velvet.

“Pinkie, I should really arrest you right now for hiding a wanted criminal from the Bureau of Magic, Mana, and Arcane, but let me make it simple for you. You tell me where they went, I won’t take you in for questioning. What do you think?”

Pinkie visibly brightened. “Oh, they’ve went to a lot of places! The gardens, the movies, they come here a lot too, and Rarity takes Twilight to all sorts of high society get tog-” Twilight Velvet snapped her fingers, and Pinkie’s lips clamped shut.

“I am not interested in my daughter’s romantic outings with a wanted criminal!” Velvet hissed before she took a deep breath. “You covered for them, surely they must have told you where they were going?” She snapped her fingers again, and Pinkie’s lips opened up. Her eyes widened suddenly, and she pointed over Velvet’s shoulder.

“Look out! It’s a group of magic outlaws performing unspeakable criminal acts!” she exclaimed with urgency.

Velvet rolled her eyes. “You really expect me to fall for that one?”

“You’re right.” Pinkie sighed. “It’s just an explosion.”

“Wh-”

An enormous boom caused the entire building to shake violently. Velvet lost her grip on Pinkie as she was tossed forward into a shelf of flour and milk, then fell to the floor in a rain of white powder and liquid. Pinkie, who’d long since been used to being around explosions, happily hopped away as Velvet tore open the sacks of flour and screamed in rage. “I’ll find you, Rarity!”


Twilight and Rarity found themselves in a long winding cavern that led down and away from the boutique, and into the depths of Ponyville. Twilight looked around before fixing her gaze on Rarity, visible confusion written on her face. “Rarity, when did you make this? Where does it lead?”

Rarity winked. “Twilight, darling, dearest, light of my life, a lady is always prepared.” She stepped forth into the darkness of the tunnel. Twilight fumbled around in her knapsack for a moment before producing a small stone, which began to hum and glow at her touch. It hovered in the air next to her as she started walking next to Rarity. “As for where this goes, it links to Fluttershy’s cottage.”

Twilight stopped. “Wait, Fluttershy? She knows about this too?”

“Yes, she does. In fact she helped make some of my outfits, and even recommended me some strategies on some of my more extravagant heists. She’s surprisingly knowledgeable about it.” Twilight slapped her palm to her forehead before continuing forward.

“Okay, so both Pinkie and Fluttershy know. Any other curveballs you want to throw at me before we get to Fluttershy’s place?”

“Twilight, do try to keep yourself together. I promise I will explain everything in due time, at the moment I am working up to how to explain Fluttershy that her brother is being tortured by sky pirates.” Rarity tapped a finger to her chin.

Twilight wanted to scream, but she settled for a defeated sigh before she just smiled at Rarity. “You’re lucky I love you so much.” Rarity winked at her again as the two continued into the depths of the cavern in silence, and Twilight wondered what could possibly come next.