//------------------------------// // 3. This Was Most Certainly Not in the Manual (I should know, I wrote it) (Nonchalant) // Story: The Sky Is a Lady and She Is Gay: A RariTwi Exquisite Corpse // by SigmasonicX //------------------------------// The room quickly devolved into a mix of confused muttering and uncertain foot-shuffling as Twilight’s fellow regulars backed up or tried to discreetly slip out through a back door. Rarity slid one foot back, firmly planting herself, and with a deep breath she grabbed onto Zephyr’s arm. He only had time to let out a faux-gruff “hey!” before she flipped him over her shoulder onto the table. Rarity winced, the impact having jolted the handcuff painfully against her wrist. Throughout this, Twilight Velvet remained impassive. She’d stepped back slightly to avoid getting hit by Zephyr’s panicked flailing, but her arm was steady and aimed directly at the so-called “Sequined Spectre”, crackling with purple energy. Twilight Sparkle’s mind was racing. On the one hand, any of her previously imagined plans to remove all witnesses to her embarrassing attempt at introducing her “girlfriend” to her mother would likely go much smoother with a member of the BMMA actively looking out for her. The downside was that her preferred first victim was said BMMA agent. Really, the only solution she would see as acceptable was one that would eventually require all bystanders to have their memories of the entire day removed. For that to happen, she would likely need to help Rarity escape. The near-kiss mere seconds ago had been… distracting enough, but any further examination of her relationship with her friend would have to wait. Taking a trembling breath, Twilight called out to her mother, suppressing the flood of questions about her secret life and the series of interesting houseguests that had stayed over for “publicity tours” and similar excuses over the years. Instead, she asked something that she felt was more pertinent. “Was… this the guy you were going to try and set me up with?” Velvet winced. “Well, see… Zephyr Breeze is a perfectly nice young man!” Both Twilights glanced at the agent mewling softly in pain atop the broken remains of a table, occasionally jerking slightly against the armlock he was being held in. The younger Twilight couldn’t help but be amazed at Rarity’s deceptive strength; she was still staring Velvet down coolly even as she subdued a presumably grown man. “It would appear I was wrong about how little faith your mother had in you, darling. I’m sorry,” Rarity said. Twilight nodded, pursing her lips. “It isn’t like we had much time to come up with a better way to bait Rarity once we discovered who she really was. We had to act quickly,” Velvet grumbled. “And it’s not like I would have actually let Zephyr take you anywhere.” “Is that because you love me, or because you’d end up having to pay for the expenses?” Twilight asked sweetly. Velvet willed her badge away with a flick of her fingers, putting her now-free hand on her hip. “No comment. We just needed the situation to be tempting enough for the Spectre to feel obligated to help her friend.” “So… you don’t actually think I’m doomed to be alone forever or anything?” The silence was telling. Shaking her head, Velvet snapped her fingers to produce a sharp, intricate sigil over her hand. “In any case, the mission was successful. Even if he’s out for the count, you can’t escape with a limp body along for the ride. I’m calling for a collection squad,” she chuckled. “I’d ask if you want to sit down as we wait, but our table appears to be in poor condition.” Rarity chuckled. “If a situation such as this was more than a match for me, I wouldn’t be nearly as infamous as I am, you know?” she said. “I’ve evaded your agency in far more illustrious and well-equipped jurisdictions than this. Was poor Zephyr here sent in for remedial training or somethi--” she paused as she felt Zephyr’s other hand wrap around her ankle. Twilight barely had time to process this before she acted, delivering a swift kick to the nearest part of the man she could reach. His hand quickly retracted. Velvet raised an eyebrow. “Did you have to go for the head? We’ll be short-handed for a month now, if he abuses his medical leave again.” “No-one touches my friends,” Twilight responded simply. “Not even me?” Twilight Velvet was slowly walking forward, around the table, towards the manchild-laden Rarity. “You’ll find that I put up much more of a fight, even against my darling daughter.” A polite cough drew the Twilights’ attention. “I thought I was the one you were after?” Rarity hummed. “I did come here to help you, Twilight, dearest, not to cause trouble with your family.” “It’s no trouble at all, Rarity. That’s all on my mother, who kept her entire life a secret from me until now,” Twilight growled. “Even so, it’s awfully crowded in here for a domestic spat.” Rarity was rocking on her heels, both hands clasped in front of her. This had the entertaining effect of rolling the body of a still-conscious Zephyr Breeze back and forth as his arm swung from his portion of the handcuffs. Velvet looked around, drawing in a breath through her teeth. “Your ‘girlfriend’ is right, Twilight. Maybe once she’s been processed for resisting arrest, theft, armed robbery, and assaulting a BMMA operative we can have a nice chat over a late lu--” The senior agent-and-publisher-on-the-side jumped as her partner’s body was heaved at her, Rarity’s handcuff absent from around her wrist. Once she landed again, she levelled a blast of arcing, crackling energy at the now-fleeing Rarity, only to pull her shot off to the side as she realised that the Sequined Spectre had clasped her daughter by the wrist and was leading her quickly through the front door, starting up a cheery conversation with the dumbstruck girl. Thinking over her options for a second, Twilight Velvet frowned and turned to address the other sky-pirates in the room. “Once this guy wakes up, you’re all under arrest too. Okay? Nobody move a damn muscle,” she hissed. She wished she could believe the hasty assurances and nods that followed, but had no time to devote to that, as she rushed to follow Twilight’s would-be fake girlfriend and apparent kidnapper before they could forever escape the long arm of the BMMA, or whatever it was that pining young adults did these days.