//------------------------------//
// 2. The Sky Is A Lady And She Is Gay (Posh) 
// Story: The Sky Is a Lady and She Is Gay: A RariTwi Exquisite Corpse 
// by SigmasonicX 
//------------------------------//

Twilight Velvet's face remained carefully neutral as she stared at Rarity. Her eyes traveled up and down, from the top of Rarity's perfectly coiffed, coiled 'do, to the pointed heels of her red stilettos.

"Twilight's girlfriend, huh?" Her lips twisted downward in disapproval. "Mm, nope. Not buying it."

Rarity's eyelid twitched, the first chink Twilight had ever seen in her armor of perfect composure.

"Beg your pardon?" 

"We'll put a pin in that request." The older woman's eyes twinkled with some private joke. "But as to what you're really asking... I'm not saying that my daughter couldn't land someone like you, miss, were she so inclined."

"Mom––"

"But I don't think she would spring such a surprise on me out of the clear blue sky – pun intended." Velvet winked at Twilight. "She would want to make arrangements for proper introductions between her hypothetical ladyfriend and myself, and she would do everything in her power to make such introductions as smooth, and comfortable, as a well-shaven––"

"Mom!"

"Underarm, dear. Underarm. Honestly, your generation is so vulgar." Velvet shook her head with distaste. She turned her attention back to Rarity, who was hiding a smirk behind her hand, and trying to disguise a chuckle as a cough. 

"But back to the issue at hand," said Velvet. "I understand what you're trying to do here, miss. My daughter expects me to set her up with someone today – guilty, as charged – and she no doubt confided that in you. You're trying to spare her the awkwardness of dealing with a boy that I'm foisting on her, and I commend you for it. But – and please, take this as constructive criticism from an old pro – your ruse is painfully transparent."

Rarity's eyelids widened, briefly, before fluttering back into a proper bedroom expression. "Twilight and I have been seeing one another exclusively for some time now," she said, confidence and poise ringing in her voice once more. "Our relationship is no ruse. I'm sure I speak for the both of us when I say that we take it very seriously." 

Velvet smirked, and tented her fingers on the table. "Then you've simply decided to introduce yourself to me in the manner most likely to publicly embarrass my daughter. And in front of her fellow sky-pirates and aerial ruffians, no less," she added, throwing a pointed look to the other patrons.

Rarity proceeded without skipping a beat. "Twilight and I mutually agreed that introducing you and I this way would be easiest on all parties involved." She fluttered her bedroom eyes at Twilight. "'Like ripping off a bandage,' darling. That was how you characterized it last night, correct?"

Twilight tried to respond, but only managed a thick, mumbled "snuhmuh-muhmnum."

Velvet gave Twilight's hand a quick, maternal pat. "That's simply not how my daughter thinks, or operates, miss. In all things, she is careful, meticulous, and considerate."

"Perhaps I know a thing or two about your daughter that you do not."

Velvet's eyebrows arched. She glanced between Rarity and Twilight, a smirk smoothly unfolding across her face.

"Perhaps you do, at that," she conceded, rising from the table. "It's been some years since Twilight left the nest – it's all too easy to forget that she's no longer the little girl who'd follow me around the house, begging for head-pats and chicken tenders."

"Oh, she still does that," Rarity said. "It's just not always the head that she wants patted anymore."

Immediately, Twilight began making plans to kill everyone in the cafe, and then herself.

Velvet laughed, and looked with delight at Twilight. "I do like her, you know. Why, if I were fifty percent less heterosexual and one hundred percent less married, I might take her for myself."

Mother would be her first victim, Twilight decided.

"That said," Velvet continued, addressing Rarity again. "I'm sure you understand that, as a mother, I can't simply take you at your word. And, as a mother, I must ask for a bit of... tangible proof, let's say."

If Rarity felt any trepidation, she didn't let it show in her bearing, or her voice. "What did you have in mind?"

Velvet folded her arms, took a step back, and jerked her neck toward Twilight. "Kiss her."

Twilight stiffened in her seat. "Mother!"

Velvet looked down at Twilight. "Yes, daughter?"

"I–– you can't just––" Sputtering, Twilight gestured frantically at Rarity. "Demand a public display of affection! Those are–– That's–– What consenting adults do behind closed doors––"

"I'm not asking her to throw you onto the table and mount you, dear. I just want to see a little proof that your relationship is as genuine as she claims. A quick little smooch. A peck. Hardly more than a smack on the lips." Velvet gave the length of hair curling past her shoulder a flip, from one side of her body to the other. "You two can manage that, can't you?"

Twilight tried to stammer out another objection, but any attempt at arguing the point further died when Rarity rounded the table toward her. 

"Come now, darling, she only wants to see a token kiss," said Rarity. She planted her hand on the table and leaned down toward Twilight. "Surely, we can give her that much."

Her breath, at once hot and minty fresh, caressed Twilight's face, and she felt a decidedly non-heterosexual shudder ripple down her spine. Her gaze traced the curve of Rarity's cheek, down to her red, pillowy lips. She summoned all her willpower to keep them there, even as the neckline of Rarity's dress dipped, and hanged, dangerously low.

One kiss, thought Twilight, gulping. Just one. Nothing romantic or sexy about it, just a little smooch between friends. Friends kiss each other all the time, right? Like Starlight and Trixie. Or Lyra and Bon-Bon. Or Sunset and... uh... the entire crew of the Lesbos... it doesn’t mean it’s gay, right?

...Perhaps it was little gay. But then, looking at those lips, Twilight couldn't quite remember any reason to object.

Rarity was leaning closer now, her every breath a lover's touch. Twilight angled her face toward her, letting her eyes droop halfway. In her peripheral vision, she caught sight of Rarity's hand, still planted on the table – her fingers, minutely, almost imperceptibly, trembling.

A soft laugh, almost a sigh, escaped Twilight's lips as they parted to receive Rarity's...

Then the door to the shop flung open with a thunderous, wooden crack, making Twilight jolt away from Rarity. She straightened, and stared at the shop entrance as a figure swept inside: a raggedy-looking young man with a messy mop of blonde hair, and at least a week's worth of stubble.

Is that the guy Mom brought to set me up with? Twilight's nose wrinkled – her self-esteem may not have been very high, but even she knew she could do better. 

Before she could object, though, the man stormed over to the table and lashed out with his right hand, snaring Rarity with a handcuff – the other end of which was secured around his own wrist.

"There's no getting away this time, Sequined Spectre!" he croaked. His voice strained to sound tough and manly. Mostly, it just sounded sleepy. "I'm placing you under arrest!"

"Sequined Spectre––?" Twilight bolted from the table, knocking back her chair. "Mom? Explain?!"

"Zephyr Breeze, you absolute buffoon," Velvet growled. "No point maintaining cover now."

With a snap of her fingers, a badge materialized in her hand, bearing a sigil of a moon and a sun, diagonally divided. She held it up high as her other hand clenched tightly, a current of violet light thrumming around her fist.

"Bureau of Magical Magic Affairs! Nobody move!" She leveled her fist at a nearby table of ruffians, and fired a bolt of violet lightning that incinerated the napkin-holder on the table-top – a display of power that more than dismayed the room full of bandits and ruffians.

Twilight glared at her mother. "You're with the BMMA?! You told me you were in publishing!"

"Technically, I am. I write and publish bureau training manuals on the side." Velvet cast an annoyed look at Zephyr Breeze. "Which, clearly, some people need to re-read."

"How long have you been a secret agent?!"

"Since before I met your father. I'm gratified that you never found out; that means the 'secret' part of the title isn't just an artifact." Velvet huffed. "Honestly, though, how else do you think you've been able to pirate with impunity for all this time?"

"You shouldn't minimize your daughter's accomplishments like that," Rarity interjected. "She's quite skilled in her field, you know."

"Complimenting my daughter won't keep you out of prison, Sequined Spectre," said Twilight Velvet. "Though, that's kind of you to say, thank you."

"You're very welcome, ma'am." Rarity grinned. "That said, I have no intention of going to prison. I'm sorry to disappoint."

Velved laughed. "Bold words, but how do you plan to back them up? I have you dead to rights."

Rarity looked at Twilight, eyes half-lidded.

"How, indeed."